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Keith was used to walking into his room to find Lance sitting there, waiting for him. There weren’t a lot of times or places for any kind of intimacy—not even minor things like cuddling—so Keith and his boyfriend took advantage of nearly every second they could, which was often in the quiet minutes before they went to sleep.
What he wasn’t used to was walking in to find Lance absolutely sobbing on his bed. “Lance?” Keith rushed to his side, awkwardly putting a hand on Lance’s back.
Upon seeing him, Lance stifled his crying best he could, wiping his tears and sniffing to try and get himself back under control. Keith bit his lip. He was horrible at comforting people. This was Shiro’s department, or Hunk’s or even Lance’s. Awkwardly, Keith rubbed circles on Lance’s back. He’d seen Shiro do that, right? “Hey,” He said in what he desperately hoped was a calming tone, “What’s wrong, what happened?”
Lance shook his head, “It’s stupid…it’s…nothing…”
“Lance…” Keith said, “You…you can tell me. It’s okay.”
Lance sighed. “It’s…it’s just…you remember those diplomats we were talking to a week ago?” Keith nodded. Oh god, had one of them hurt Lance? “Well…m-me and Pidge were talking to one of them, and—and Pidge was talking about Hunk’s cooking on the ship. They were surprised we didn’t have people to do c-cooking and cleaning and stuff for us, r-right?” Lance hiccupped. Keith might have found it cute if he wasn’t so worried. “And so Pidge was saying how b-b-because there were so few of us we-we each had to pull our weight.” Lance swallowed, “And-And Pidge was giving examples of like, Shiro’s our leader, Coran fixes the castle, Allura b-basically powers the ship with her energy, Pidge and Hunk do technical stuff and your like, this amazing warrior guy,” Keith wasn’t sure he’d put it that way, but he didn’t want to interrupt, “And—and she got to me, and she couldn’t think of anything at first!” He looked at Keith, clearly having reached the thing that was bothering him.
“I see,” Keith said. He did not see. Not entirely, anyway. “And…you said at first, did she say anything later?”
Lance sniffed, “She…she said I helped clean and I made stupid jokes.”
Keith bit his inner lip, staring at Lance, “Well, you do clean and make stupid jokes.” He knew instantly this was the wrong thing to say when Lance shrunk a little, hunching his shoulders, “Hey, um, do you need a hug?” Lance nodded and Keith wrapped his arms around him. “It’s okay. I mean, those are good things, right? What’s wrong with cleaning and telling jokes?”
“ANYone can clean,” Lance said, “It’s not like a special skill like the rest of you. And who needs someone to tell jokes, especially if none of you seem to appreciate it.”
“I—I appreciate it,” Keith protested, “Sometimes. I—“ Oh, he was losing this, bad. “You have special skills, Lance.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
Keith bit his lip, “You’re…you’re good at tactics. Like on the Balmera! I was just going to go charging in, but you knew the smarter, better way to do things.”
Lance sniffed again, “Shiro’s better,” he said, “Allura too.”
Keith sighed. “You’re a good pilot,” Keith said, “And you’re good with your bayard. You’d get even better if you trained a bit more.” He hoped humor would help. It seemed like something Lance would do.
Success! Lance smiled. It was small, especially compared to Lance’s usual smile, but it was there, “I’m not as good as you,” He said, his voice warm and kind.
Keith shrugged, “All you need is training. You’ll get better! And—And I can help you with that, if you want.”
Lance nodded, drying his tears up. “That…that sounds great.” He said, then lay down on the bed. “Sorry for…like…unloading on you.”
“It’s fine,” Keith said, laying down beside him, keeping a hand on his arm, “Get some sleep.
Lance nodded and rested in. Still, Keith couldn’t shake off the nagging suspicion that he hadn’t really solved Lance’s problem.
Keith was right. The next day he watched Lance closely, and saw his smile faltering, his shoulder slumping more than usual. Any time Keith tried to address it, Lance would just smile widely at him and say “I’m perfectly fine! Why wouldn’t I be?”
Keith had no idea what to say to him. Finally, he came up with an idea, and ran with it. “Pidge!” He called after lunch. Pidge turned as the rest of the team filed out, “You busy?”
Pidge shrugged, “’Was going to work on a few Altean circuit boards, but its nothing that can’t wait. ‘Sup?”
Keith sighed, feeling almost embarrassed to say it, “I need you to apologize to Lance.”
Pidge raised an eyebrow at him, “What did I do?”
Keith swallowed, unsure of how much he should say, “The other week you were—“ Keith ran a hand through his hair, “Look, he’s just…he’s been feeling unappreciated, and I guess something you said the other week kinda triggered that, so…would you apologize?”
Pidge blinked, “I mean, yeah, sure, I’ll talk to him.” She smiled up at him, “You’re a good boyfriend, Keith.”
Keith brightened at that.
That night, he was proven wrong. “Hey,” Lance said, frowning when Keith walked in the door, “Did you…did you say something to Pidge? About last night?”
Keith bit his lip. “I didn’t…I didn’t tell her what happened, if that’s what you mean.”
Lance was still frowning, but it didn’t seem like he was going to yell at Keith. “Oh. Okay.” He swallowed, “Just…I wasn’t mad at Pidge. I didn’t want her to think I was.”
Keith frowned, “I didn’t tell her you were mad. But you were clearly upset, so, I thought she could talk to you. She’s always sassy, and sometimes she takes things too far.”
Lance’s frown deepened. “Okay,” He said, lying down to sleep. Keith lay next to him, convinced that things were, in fact, not alright, but didn’t want to risk making it worse right now, so he went to sleep.
“Hey Hunk,” Keith called to him, pulling him down the hallway, “Um…do you…I mean, do you know something that Lance would like?”
Hunk raised an eyebrow, “Uh, well…I mean, Lance likes a lot of things. Why?”
Keith shrugged, “He’s just been feeling a little down, I thought I’d try and cheer him up.”
Hunk smiled, always ready to help out. “Yeah! Yeah, that sounds great. Lets see, uh, well, Lance likes a lot of things. He likes most games? Anything bright and shiny. Maybe a gift?”
Keith sighed, “Maybe…I just, I wanted it to be something really special. More than just a pick-me-up.”
Hunk nodded, clutching his chin and thinking, “Hmm, alright then. Well, you know what Lance loves a lot?”
Keith may have blushed a bit, “Uh…me?”
“Uh,” Hunk said, “well, I mean yeah. But uh. I meant water.”
It clicked in Keith’s mind. “Oh. Ah, yeah, that uh. That makes more sense.” Keith thought for a second, “And it gives me an idea.”
“Please, Allura?” Keith said, “Come on, it’s just for like, a few hours.”
“Absolutely not!” Allura said, “We’re at war, Keith, we can’t just take vacations whenever we feel like it!”
Keith sighed, “This isn’t just a vacation, Allura.” Keith bit his lip, “Look…Lance has been feeling really down lately.” Allura stopped trying to walk away from him, and frowned at him instead, “He could really use the boost.”
Allura grimaced, and Keith watched him, trying to think of something else to say to convince her, but she was still considering. Finally, she sighed, and he knew he had her. “You’ll have 5 hours.” Keith smiled. “Do you know where you’re going?”
“I looked it up before I came,” Keith said, “Thank you!”
“So…where are we going?” Lance said, wearing a blindfold. He sat awkwardly on the arm of Keith’s chair as Keith piloted red down to the planet’s surface.
“Just a little getaway.” Keith said, “I found this planet on Coran’s map, and I thought it’d be a nice place for a picnic.”
“What’s the occasion?” Lance asked, “I don’t think its our anniversary…or my birthday…I mean, I can’t really tell what day it is at all, so that’s a trick all within itself…I wonder how many birthdays I’ve had in space…” Keith listened to his voice fall. He put his hand on Lance’s leg, trying to be reassuring. “Oh my gosh!” Lance said, surprised, “You’re not proposing, are you?”
“What?!” Keith nearly screamed, and Red jerked in response.
“It’s not that I’m not flattered,” Lance said, “Its just I feel like we’re a bit young, plus we have this saving the universe thing happening right now and—“
“Lance, I’m not proposing,” He said, entering the planet’s atmosphere.
The sound of several small things bouncing off Red’s surface echoed around them, “What’s that?” Lance said, panicking and grabbing onto Keith’s shoulders.
“Relax,” Keith said, “It’s harmless.”
Still, Lance was uneasy until they reached the planet’s surface. Keith guided him down the exit ramp and only stopped right before Lance would have stepped outside. A bit nervous as to how Lance would take it, he took off Lance’s blindfold.
Lance’s mouth dropped looking at the rainy sea before him. It was grey, unlike the calming blues of Earth, but it smelt the same and felt almost the same when Lance ran out into it, soaking his clothes before Keith even had time to stop him.
Keith laughed watching him, reduced to a child’s glee. “Keith! Come on!”
Keith, not wanting to ruin his clothes, stripped down to his underwear before slowly making his way into join. He froze after dipping his feet in, splashing up to his ankles, “Quiznak, its FREEZING!” Keith screamed at Lance who was diving up and down in the water.
“Of course it is!” Lance said, “You have to immerse yourself so you get used to it faster.”
Keith clutched his arms, unconvinced, but stepped slowly further in, trying to get his shins used to the freezing water.
Lance was impatient with his progress. Head just peaking up out of the waves, he squinted at Keith, and Keith watched the wheels in his head turning. “No,” Keith said, pointing at him to stay away, “Whatever you’re thinking, no.”
Lance grinned, evil all over his face. Keith tried to back away, but his feet were partially trapped in sand and ice cold water. Lance swam up, and grabbed him around the waist. “No!” Keith shrieked, “Nonononono!”
Lance picked him up and pulled him back into the deeper water, completely under the surface.
With a well-placed kick, Keith scrambled away, standing back up, his hair dripping around his face. “Okay, OW,” Lance said, clutching his stomach. It didn’t stop him from laughing at Keith.
“Serves you right.”
Lance laughed again, but came up, wrapping his arms around Keith again, this time warm and kind, “You love me~” He sung.
Keith groaned, “I don’t see WHY.” Lance kissed his cheek, and Keith hated how hard he suddenly forgave Lance for everything.
They splashed around for a while, occasionally making out in the waves, until they retreated to the beach, and when that wasn’t any drier, they laid back on Red’s ramp, watching the waves come in, and making out some more. “Seriously,” Lance finally said, “What brought on the surprise trip?”
Keith shrugged, “I know you’ve been down lately.” Lance looked at him shocked, the traces of humor leaving his face, “I just thought I’d cheer you up.”
Lance swallowed, “That’s…very sweet of you.” He bit his lip for a moment, “But you didn’t have to do that.”
Keith pushed Lance’s hair out of his face. It was short, so even soaking wet it just bounced back into place. “I wanted to,” Keith said, “Lance, I love you so much. I wanted to make you happy.”
Lance smiled at him, but there was something in his eyes that looked strange to Keith. “I’m happy when I’m with you.”
Keith smiled back at him, and pulled him in for a kiss.
That night, Keith went to visit Lance in his room. He smiled as soon as he saw Keith, but couldn’t hide the fact his eyes were red and wet. He claimed space allergies, and after a quick trip to the bathroom, all signs were gone.
“Well, I do gotta hand it to Galran security,” Pidge said, “This thing has a whole maze of firewalls. There’s no way I can take down the shield generator remotely.”
“So, lets get Voltron,” Hunk said, “Smash it down. I’ll stomp on it myself. Generator down.”
Shiro hummed, thinking on it, “The generator powers the shield not only over the Galran mines, but over the building itself. Not even Voltron can just crush that with sheer force.”
Allura sighed, leaning back, “Pidge,” she said, “Go over the specs again. Maybe there’s some hidden entryway we missed.”
Pidge started rattling off facts, which Keith tuned out. He was many things, but a strategist wasn’t one of them. He preferred relying on his instincts. At some point, one of the others would tell him who and what he needed to hit, and he’d hit it.
Instead, as he so often did these days, he watched Lance. Lance was quiet today, and that disturbed Keith enough as it was. He was looking at the data Pidge provided and was absentmindedly stroking his chin.
For just a moment, Keith saw a glint in his eyes. He leaned over as close as he dared without attracting the attention of the others and whispered, “Go on,” Lance raised an eyebrow, confused. “C’mon,” Keith said, “I saw you, you have an idea. Tell them.”
Lance took a deep breath, gathering confidence. Cutting Pidge of, he said, “The waterfalls.”
All eyes in the room turned to Lance. “What?” Shiro asked.
Lance cleared his throat, “Well, uh, Pidge didn’t mention any landing sites. For the-for the Galran ships.”
Pidge adjusted her glasses and looked down, “I—I guess I didn’t.”
Lance shrugged, “The planet has a lot of water. It stands to reason they store their ships down there, which means there’s probably an underwater entrance to the Shield Generator. My guess would be beneath those waterfalls.” He pointed at the plans Pidge had laid out. “Blue’s the best with underwater stuff. We could take a small group down, go through the underwater entrance, and take down the shield generator. Easy Peasy.”
“What’s a ‘peasy?’” Coran asked, but Shiro waved the question aside.
“I’d bet you’re right about there being an entrance down there,” Shiro said. Lance’s back straightened up at that, and Keith was so proud he could hug him, if he were prone to such things. “But I’m worried that we don’t know what’s down there. For all we know, it could be even more heavily guarded than the surface entrance.” Lance drooped ever so slightly. If anyone had been looking at Keith, they might have noticed him trying to kill Shiro with his eyes.
“I think he has the right idea of stealth, though,” Allura said, “Pidge, you’ve been modifying the Green Lion to stay invisible longer, correct?” Pidge nodded, “Then…what about if you turned invisible, dropped me off, I shapeshifted and infiltrated with a group of incoming guards, maybe even take out one and take his place. Then you Pidge can talk me through dismantling the shield from above.”
Shiro hummed again, thinking on it, “I don’t like sending you in alone. That didn’t exactly work out last time.”
Allura glared at him, “I will be very careful. Besides, what other choice do we have?”
Keith wanted to bring up Lance’s plan again, but Shiro talked before he got the chance. “I suppose you’re right,” he said. Lance drooped further, “Lets get suited up. Pidge, I want the rotation of the guards schedule down to the tick. This will take careful timing.”
“On it,” Pidge said, as Allura, Coran, Hunk, and Lance all left to prepare for the mission.
Shiro was about to leave as well, but Keith pulled him aside. “I think we should go with Lance’s waterfall idea.”
Shiro looked confused, and Keith could see why. He didn’t usually question things like this. “It’s too risky,” Shiro said, “I can’t—“
“Allura’s plan is too risky,” Keith said, “Last time we let her infiltrate, we nearly lost Voltron trying to rescue her.”
Shiro’s mouth set, and Keith knew he had said the wrong thing, “I appreciate your input, but the plan is already decided.”
Shiro was ready to leave it at that and stalk off, but Keith put out his hand, “Wait…I’m sorry.” He swallowed, “Look, Lance has been feeling kinda down lately, and I know he mentioned not feeling as useful to the team. I thought, maybe, if we used his plans, he could feel like he was contributing.”
Shiro softened, “Keith, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. Really, I do. But I have to think big picture with what our mission will be. I’m sorry. Maybe next time we’ll go with a Lance plan.”
Keith sighed, and nodded, heading back to his room to suit up.
“Um, hello?” Allura’s voice came over the comm in the heat of battle, “Sorry to trouble you, but I’ve hit a spot of trouble.”
“’A spot?’” Lance quoted, “Are you SURE you’re from Altea and not England?”
“LANCE!” Allura all but screamed at him, “Maybe keep the jokes for a time when I’m NOT being shot at?”
“Oh, uh, sorry Princess.” Lance said, abashed.
“Lance,” Shiro said.
“I said sorry!”
“No, I mean, Lance I think it’s time to test out your waterfall theory.” Lance was silent, and Keith thought, struck speechless, “Dive down, extract the Princess. Everyone else cover him, and fire on those Galra ships!”
“You got it, buddy!” Lance said, full of excitement. Blue crashed down below the waves.
A mere few minutes later, Lance came over the comms again, “Did someone order a Princess?”
“My hero!” Allura said, partially sarcastically, but still happy.
Keith was the first to cheer in approval, joined soon by Shiro and Pidge while Hunk said, “Nice one, Lance!”
“Thank you, thank you, now if you would please hold your applause until the end of the battle.”
“Alright, guys, lets finish ‘em off!” Shiro said, and they all cheered, forming Voltron.
After the battle, Lance wasn’t in his room. Keith frowned, then began the search.
He quickly found his boyfriend sitting by one of the large windows, looking out at the stars. “Hey,” Keith said, getting his attention. His eyes didn’t look like he’d been crying, that was good, “You alright?”
Lance smiled, “Yeah!”
Keith frowned. His words were happy, but they were short and cut off. God, he wished he was better at this. “You did great today,” Keith said.
Lance nodded, before turning back to the window. “Thanks.”
Keith felt very unwanted standing here. It was a strange feeling. Lance usually welcomed him in with open arms ever since they started dating. Or he thought he did, anyway.”
Awkwardly, Keith walked off. He didn’t feel like going to sleep yet, and he was too tired to train, so he ended up just walking around the halls, until he ran into Coran.
“Oh!” Coran said, surprised, as he looked up from his datapad. “Hello there, Keith. What’s troubling you?”
Keith frowned at him, “How do you know something’s troubling me?”
Coran gave a small shrug, “Pardon the assumption, it’s just you were meandering the halls with your face all screwed up. I suppose I should ask: IS there something troubling you?”
Keith sighed and leaned up against the wall. “It’s just…it’s Lance.”
“Ahh,” Coran said, “Yes I noticed he was outside his window. Did you two have a lovers quarrel?”
Keith frowned, “No, we didn’t…I mean I don’t think we did…maybe? I…wait, what do you mean HIS window.”
Coran paused, “Ah, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. My apologies.”
He turned to walk away, “Wait!” Keith shouted after him, “Please, can’t you just tell me? He’s been so down lately, and I’ve done everything I can think of to cheer him up. If you know something…please tell me.”
Coran frowned, turning back to Keith, “He’s been down lately?” Keith nodded, “I thought he was doing much better.”
“He—what?” Keith said, “He’s been like this before?”
Coran sighed, “I don’t think ‘been’ is the proper word here. ‘Is’ seems far more appropriate. He IS like this.” Keith frowned, still confused. “On Altea we would refer to him as a ‘Finharin’ which sort of means ‘sadness’ but, different than sadness. More permanent. Lance had a word you humans use for it…what was it again…”
“Depression,” Keith supplied, the realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. Lance had depression.
“Ah, yes, that was it.” Coran said, “I only know because he had me whip up some Altean remedies to replace the medicine he received on Earth, but even with that, a Finharin is not so easily turned into not-a-Finharin. I can’t count the number of times I’ve found him late at night up by that old window.” Coran shrugged, “I thought perhaps he was getting better, as I hadn’t found him there in a while, but maybe I was wrong.”
Keith started thinking very hard. This…this was Lance when he was better? But he seemed so different. “But…he tells stupid jokes all the time,” Keith said, “And I never noticed any of these signs before. How could I not have known?”
Coran gives him a knowing look. “Finharin’s often use humor as a coping mechanism. And Finharin’s who’ve been Finharins as long as Lance has have no doubt learned certain strategies to hide it. No doubt you’re only noticing now due to your close relationship.”
Keith felt a weight in his chest. How could he have been so blind. “I—I gotta go, Coran.”
When he made it back to Lance’s window, he sat down beside him. Lance looked over at him, but didn’t say anything. Keith looked out the window, staying silent for several long minutes. Finally, he said, “I’m sorry.”
Lance smiled and snorted, “God, don’t be sorry,” He said, “You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Keith sighed, “I’ve been trying to cheer you up instead of just listening to you. I was so convinced I could fix you, make you better.”
Lance’s smile was both sweet and sad. “You’ve been so sweet. You’re always just…so good to me, trying to make me happy.” Tears welled up in his eyes, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be happy for you.”
“Hey,” Keith put an arm around him and nestled into his neck, “Hey, you don’t have to be sorry. Lance, I love you.” He wiped a tear off of Lance’s cheek and replaced it with a kiss. “I love you whether your sad or happy or…or anything. You’re Lance, and that’s what matters.”
The corners of Lance’s mouth turned up, but then quivered. “I’m broken.”
Keith wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “I—maybe.” He said, swallowing, “I don’t know, I don’t really know how these things work. But I’m here for you.”
Lance leaned his head against Keith, the tears finally falling down his face, “Thank you,”
Lance told Keith about how he missed his family, how he often didn’t feel like he deserved to be Blue Paladin, how he sometimes didn’t feel he deserved Keith. Keith listened to it all, reassured him when he needed, and got him a glass of water after Lance had cried enough his throat was dry.
They made their way back to Keith’s room, and Lance told a few jokes, quieter than the ones Keith was used to, but Keith still rolled his eyes at the horrible puns.
When Lance finally drifted off to sleep, Keith saw the small smile on his lips. He kissed the top of Lance’s head and fell asleep beside him.