Archive of Our Own

When he’s young Boone Knight thinks that everyone can see the swirling colors that overlay the whole world. They’re beautiful, he loves just sitting and staring at the colors, especially people’s colors. Everyone has an aura of their own particular color. He loves noticing the differences in the shades, the unique ways they swirl around each person. His habit of people watching earns him a reputation as a lazy dreamlike child, a weird kid. It’s not until he’s six that he realizes that it’s not normal.

“Look at that man’s color!” He exclaims to his mother. “It’s so bright!” The man in question is a dark skinned man in a nice suit, he has the brightest purple color around him that Boone has ever seen. His own color is purple but it’s darker than this man’s, and in his opinion much prettier. His own purple has highlights of gold, and occasionally a tiny bit of pink streaked through it. He loves it.

“What are you talking about?” His mother demands irritably.

“The color around him. It’s such a bright purple.” Boone points out, not sure how she could have missed it.

“There is no color around him, Boone. Stop playing stupid games.” She scolds, dragging him off. That’s the moment when young B. Knight realizes that his mother cannot see the colors. It’s a shocking revelation to a six year old child that his mother sees the world an entirely different way than him. After that he asks as many people as he can of they can see the colors. None of them can, not a single one. One day Boone realizes that he is, in fact, alone. That is the day his nanny finds him crying in his room.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” She asks gently, pulling him into her lap.

“I’m a freak.” He sniffs. “I see colors all over the place and no one else does. I’m hallucinating or something.” He does not completely know what the word ‘Hallucinating’ means, but it’s what his older cousin told him he was doing and he knows it’s negative.

“Oh, you aren’t hallucinating, love. It’s probably just your soul connection.” She tells him kindly. He frowns at her.

“What?”

“Oh, has no one told you this?” She asks surprised. He shakes his head emphatically, but he’s stopped crying now. He doesn’t want to miss any explanation that involves him not being crazy. “Alright then guess it's up to me.” She says decisively. She scoops him up from the corner he’s been crying in and carries him to the bed, griping about how heavy he’s getting. She’s been saying the same thing about how he’s getting too big to pick up since he can remember though, so he doesn’t take her very seriously.

“So, you know how your parents love each other very much?” She asks. He stares at her skeptically and she sighs. “So you know how my husband and I love each other very much?” She corrects. He nods enthusiastically. He doesn’t see her husband much but he loves the enthusiastic kindly man who is always up for giving him a piggyback ride. “Well, that is because we are soulmates.” She says with a smile.

“What’s a soulmate?” Boone asks. The word sounds familiar but he doesn’t know the exact meaning. He likes knowing exact meanings, he likes understanding. He reminds himself to look up the exact definition of hallucinating later.

“There is one person out there for everyone. Someone who will love them, and be there for them no matter what. That person is their other half, their soulmate. Like my husband is for me.” She explains. “And we find those people using our soulmate connections. With my husband, we both had the same exact birthmark tattoo, this bird right here.” She says gesturing to the black outline of a dove on the back of her right hand. “That’s a pretty basic one. A lot of people have something like that. Some people share dreams, or can hear the things the other says sometimes. It can be anything, anything that the two of you share. I’m willing to bet, that somewhere out there there is a little girl or a boy who sees the world exactly how you do. Someday you’re going to meet them, and then you’ll never be alone again.” She promises.

“Really?” Boone asks, excited.

“Of course.” She agrees. “Everyone has a soulmate. When you find them, you’ll be so happy.”

“Her.” Boone corrects. “Won’t it be a girl?” he asks when she looks at him surprised.

“Not necessarily.” She answers. “You see, just because they are your soulmate and they love you, doesn’t mean you’ll end up married. They might just be your best friend. Soulmate bonds can be platonic, which means not romantic. Or of course you could always have a romantic relationship with a boy, it wouldn’t matter.” She tells him. Boone considers this for a moment and then nods. It makes perfect sense to him.

“Okay.” He agrees.

He hears her explaining what had happened to his parents later. The next week they send him to a special coach. They say he specializes in helping people ‘hone’ their soulmate connections. What he really does is help people repress them. Boone’s parents want him to learn to stop seeing the colors. In a way it’s sort of helpful once he learns that he can either choose to shut them out and see past them to the world that everyone else sees, or just watch them swirl. He only does it to have a fair comparison. It’s how he learns to tell people that the way he sees things is like someone has overlaid a somewhat see through (he looks this up and starts using the word translucent), moving Van Gogh painting over the world. He tells his parents that he hardly ever watches the colors anymore, that he only checks quickly when he meets new people so that he can see if they might be his soulmate. They believe him. The ease with which they believe him makes him almost feel guilty about the fact that it’s a lie. Then they fire his nanny for being ‘too liberal’ and he stops feeling guilty.

It doesn’t take Boone long to realize that soulmates have matching colors. It’s very distinctive, he never forgets a specific shade and they never repeat. The only time he sees people of matching colors are when they’re soulmates. He doesn’t interfere when he knows they haven’t met yet though, he figures they’re supposed to figure that out on their own time. Somehow though, it takes him until the age of ten to notice that his father’s shade of navy blue is a hair darker than his mother’s. He hadn’t paid much attention, he had just assumed. He didn’t even notice until his dad’s work partner comes over to drop something off.

“You’re soulmates!” He says, looking between his father and this man that he knows only by sight. They are a perfect match.

“Shush Boone!” His father hisses. “What did we tell you, it’s not polite to comment on other people’s relationships.”

“Oh it’s fine, Charles.” The man, Emmett Clark, Boone recalls, says jovially. “Your father and I have a platonic soulmate connection, that’s true. But he and your mother love each other very much.”

“Who is mom’s soulmate?” Boone asks, unable to stop his curiosity.

“Your mother’s soulmate, my brother, is dead.” His father answers. “Go to your room.”

“But-”

“Your room, Boone.” His father repeats.

“Yes sir.”

He doesn’t resent his parents for the fact that they aren’t soulmates, he resents them because they don’t love each other. Sometimes he thinks they don’t love him either. Sometimes he wonders if he loves them. That always makes him feel horribly guilty. What he knows is that he doesn’t particularly like his parents as people; he doesn’t agree with them on most things. So at a very young age, he starts distancing himself from them as well as he can. He’s been made fun of since childhood for the name Boone. Some genius had said it was a shitty name when they were eleven, after that everyone called him Shitty. By the time he is twelve he learns to own it. He introduces himself as Shitty. He likes it better anyway, plus it’s a swear word, which he likes on principle because they offend people for no reason and give him a reason to start ranting about social constructs. Shitty Knight starts coming into himself, and he is quite happy, but he never forgets that someday he will be even happier, because someday he’ll find someone like him. Occasionally, he politely, mildly nudges people towards each other when he finds matching colors. He tries to be subtle, but he starts getting impatient and the child who had thought it was best not to interfere decides that if it was him, he’d be grateful for a little bit of help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Larissa Duan starts her life as a very quiet child and she stays that way. She never comments on the colors she sees swirling around people and through the world. She discovers quietly, that other people don’t see them. Her parents do not, but her parents only see color when in the same room as each other so they are probably not the best examples. That is their soul connection. She figures that somehow, the swirling colors must be hers. She likes them, but always wonders how everyone else sees the universe. How interesting it must be to see flat lines and sharp edges, none of it blurred by swirling spectral color. She starts drawing at a very young age, trying to envision the world without colors, and trying to show people the world with them.

She notices that soulmates match, but she never says anything to people. She’s not sure that she wants to meet her soulmate. She doesn’t trust the universe to tell her who she is supposed to love. Her parents are soulmates, they have the exact same silvery grey color. That doesn’t stop them from fighting. Half the time they fight about her, one tells her ‘Larissa do this’ the other says ‘No, Larissa do that’ and then they bicker endlessly. She tries to get them to stop, she tries to make them get along.

“You’re soulmates.” She pleads, “You love each other, why can’t you just stop?!”

Being soulmates doesn’t keep them together. In the end when they finally do get divorced she’s almost grateful, relieved that they won’t be in the same house all the time fighting. She’s given up on convincing them that they love each other. She’s given up on her family staying a family.

“It’s not that I don’t love your mother.” Her father tells her one day, looking sad. “I do love her, more than I’ll ever love anyone, except you of course… that’s what a soulmate is, the person you love the most no matter what. What they don’t tell you, is that sometimes, loving someone just isn’t enough.”

“I’ll remember.” She promises her father. She will. She won’t let some cosmic bullshit tell her who she should spend her life with.

What Larissa hates more than anything is not being in control of her own life. She has always been told what to do, what to eat, how to think, and she hates it. She hates not being able to control her life, being told that she’s too young to make her own decisions. She hates that she wasn’t enough to keep her parents together, that she couldn’t do anything to fix her family. So she promises herself that she won’t let the colors she sees influence the way she treats people. She’s going to control her own life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Damn, I wish you weren’t so fucking red.” Shitty swore under his breath. Jack was without a doubt the best friend he had ever had and Shitty would have loved to have Jack as his soulmate. There was nothing wrong with platonic soulmates after all. Well, he figured it would be platonic… or not, if Shitty was going to be gay for anyone he would be gay for Jack Zimmermann. Really though, he was happy to just be friends.

“What?” Jack asked in surprised.

“I love you, but you’re this dark red color, it has some dope ass maroony hues, anyway, I am straight up purple as fuck, and thus we are definitely not soulmates and I still haven’t met my soulmate and it’s killing me.” Shitty explains. Jack frowns at him so he’s not sure how much sense he actually made but he’s never let other people’s understanding stand in the way of his conversations.

“Okay…” Jack says lowly.

“Don’t worry, man, you are my best friend. I wasn’t talking like, getting married soulmates. Platonic soulmates are cool too. They run in my family.”

“Really? I didn’t know that was a heritable thing.” Jack comments Shitty shrugs.

“Well, I don’t know if it is, but my father has a platonic bond with his business partner, his father had a platonic bond with his business partner, and so on for a few generations. Fuckers are married to their work. First one in the family to have a romantic soulbond was my uncle, he had a bond with my mom. They met because my father was introducing his fiancée to his family. It was awkward apparently. But no worries, he was dying of cancer anyway. So in the weirdest fucking thing ever, my parents didn’t really break up, just put their relationship on hold as my mother spent the last few months of her soulmate’s life by his side. Then after a mourning period, she married my father. Yup. That happened. Apparently before meeting him she thought she didn’t have a soulmate which was why she started dating my dad in the first place.” Shitty explains.

“That is…”

“Supremely fucked up?” Shitty fills in, “Yeah, I know. My parents get along well enough. I don’t think they’ve ever loved each other, but I guess their relationship works for them. The funny thing is, they are almost the same color, this dull ass navy blue, but not quite. They don’t really care about details though. They want their lives to look good from an outsider perspective, and they do. Husband and wife with high paying jobs, a beautiful house, a son they almost never have to interact with. It’s good for them.” He says.

“I’m so sorry.” Jack says softly. “I… Crisse that sounds awful.”

“Nah, it was okay. I had the best nanny when I was little. They fired her for being a liberal later on but by then I was old enough to be okay without her. I’m okay, brah. I don’t need my parents to love me or each other. It’s no biggie. Anyway, I’m not going to be like them. Or I hope I won’t.”

“You’re going to find someone who loves you more than anything, Shits. You’ll see.” Jack promises.

“I hope so. You too, bro.” Shitty says. He’s surprised when Jack flinches.

“I um… I don’t… I don’t have a soulmate.” He says looking down. “Not in a ‘I don’t think so’ sort of way, but in a ‘I know I don’t have one’ sort of way, trust me.”

“Shit, I’m sorry dude.” Shitty apologizes, feeling like an ass. “Well, you’ve always got me. Whatever happens, I’ll be here.” He promises.

“Thanks, Shitty.” Jack says with a genuine smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They’re sophomores when he sees her. Shitty and Jack are just walking through campus. They’re heading to Faber to help coaches hire a team manager. Jack has been elected Captain, and Shitty is technically not supposed to be there but decided to come anyway. It’s their first week back at Samwell. Shitty is revelling in being back at school. He had forgotten what it was like spending time at home with his parents. It had been a really rough summer, and he is just glad to be back where he can be himself. Then he spots a girl a little way away. She is petite, has a pretty face, and straight black hair that falls down to her waist. He barely notices all of that though. He’s too distracted by the way a beautiful dark purple color swirls around her, streaks of gold running through it. It’s the most familiar color Shitty knows. Her colors are the exact same as his own. He freezes in place.

“Jack! Jack! It’s her!” he hisses, hitting Jack in the arm to get his attention and pointing. “She’s got the same colors as me!” His heart is beating faster than he can ever remember it going, even in the hardest practices. He doesn’t wait for Jack to answer him before heading towards the girl. He has been waiting for this moment his entire life. He had never thought it would be this absurdly terrifying. He stops in front of her, and when she looks up at him he can’t think of a damn thing to say.

“Hi.” His voice is rough as he offers her a hand. She’s the most beautiful person he has ever seen. The purple and gold swirls around her suit her so well. Her eyes are a warm brown that he thinks might literally melt him and he’s actually dying.

“I’m Shitty Knight.” He introduces himself.

“Larissa Duan.” She answers, shaking his hand. Her voice sounds a little faint, but her handshake is still surprisingly firm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Larissa had promised herself that she wouldn’t go to pieces for her soulmate the moment she met him. She has always told herself that she won’t let bumping into someone with the same purple as her affect the way she treats them. She hadn’t been counting on Shitty Knight. When she sees the boy in front of her, cloaked in gorgeous swirling purple streaked with gold her breath catches in her throat. He’s got stupidly long hair, and an idiotic-looking seventies style porn stache. He should be the type of guy that she laughs at. She’s not laughing. Beneath the moronic hair choices, he’s actually very handsome, with bright green eyes that are staring at her like she’s the whole world.

“Hi.” He says, his voice is deeper than she was expecting. A voice in the back of her head says that it sounds like home, like comfort, and safety, and love. She hates that voice, the tiny part of her that will always be a romantic despite everything she has trained herself to be. “I’m Shitty Knight.”

“Larissa Duan.” She says. She hates that her voice has gone a little faint.

“So… Well I’m just going to say it, you’re my soulmate.” He declares.

“So it would appear.” She agrees.

“You wanna get a cup of coffee or something and talk?” He asks. She almost nods but then remembers where she’s heading.

“I can’t, I have a job interview. I’m supposed to be at the hockey rink, in like twenty minutes.” She tells him apologetically. Surprisingly, his face splits into a wide grin.

“You’re interviewing for team manager?” He asks. She nods. He turns back towards where he had come from, waving his friend over. The dark haired guy heads towards them and… that is Jack Zimmermann. She has watched hockey since she was a kid, neither of her parents liked the sport which leant it some of its appeal, and she had just never been a fan of other sports.

“Jack! My soulmate is applying to be team manager! Larissa Duan, We have to hire her.” Shitty says to Jack.

“Shits, I’m only supposed to be there to meet potential managers. You are not really supposed to be there at all. We don’t make these decisions.” Jack says, before looking over at Larissa apologetically. “Sorry, I’m Jack by the way. Shitty’s best friend, it’s wonderful to meet you.”

“You’re captain of the hockey team, right?” She asks. He nods.

“Yup.”

“Awesome, well we’re all going to be late if we don’t get going.” She says. They both nod. Shitty chatters excitedly the whole way to Faber.

“So, have you always seen the colors too?” He asks. She nods.

“Yup, took me a while to realize that not everyone did as well.” She agrees.

“Yeah, I figured it out when I was six, then I thought that there was something wrong with me.” Shitty says. “My mom thought I was playing a game or something. My nanny had to explain soul connections to me to convince me I wasn’t hallucinating, or have a brain tumor or something.”

“Yeah, I always wondered what other people really see the world like. I can sort of look past them but still…”

“When you see them all the time it’s hard to really know what it would be like without them.” Shitty agrees. “Like needing glasses, you can recognize that the world is blurry and if you squint it get’s clearer but it’s still not the same as having twenty twenty vision. Except in our case, our vision is fucking awesome.”

“You like it?” She asks.

“Of course! It’s beautiful, why, don’t you like it?” He asks, sounding almost hurt. She shrugs.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s just there.” She tells him. He frowns but shrugs.

“What’s your major?”

“Fine Arts.” She answers proudly. It was the first thing her parents had agreed upon in ages, they didn’t want her to be an artist. She doesn’t give a fuck. They don’t run her life anymore.

“Cool, I’m a double major, Women’s Gender and Sexuality and Political Science.” he says brightly.

“What are you gonna do with that?” She asks, surprised.

“Law school probably.” He answers. “I know, soul sucking lawyer right, generally not my cup of tea, but I could quite possibly do some good, and I think it’s interesting so.” He shrugs.

“Hey, nothing wrong with being a lawyer if you aren’t a dick.” Larissa tells him. She’s not sure why she’s defending him from himself except that she doesn’t want this guy to think that she doesn’t like him.

“Thanks for that. Hopefully I’m not a dick.” He agrees. “Come on then!” He ushers her into the rink excitedly.

Larissa is the fourth candidate they have to interview actually. She waits outside of the office with a few guys as Shitty and Jack went into the coach’s office with him. The guys belonged to a variety of majors, but she was still an outlier as an art major. She didn’t know why she wanted this job in particular except that she liked hockey and it paid decently. She wondered angrily if it was the universe trying to guide her to Shitty.

When it was finally her turn, she thinks that the interview started off pretty well. She likes Coach Hall and Coach Murray. Shitty and Jack spend the whole interview smiling encouragingly at her.

“Why do you want to manage the hockey team?” Jack asked when given the chance.

“Because I love Hockey and I’m an awful skater. I think having a position as a manager is a great opportunity for me as a person.” She answers.

“And you’re confident that you’ll be able to manage being in charge of a group of guys like this?” Hall asks. “No offense, but most of them have a foot and a half on you, and you’ve got to be able to tell them no, and make them listen.”

“Yes, and some of them.” Murray says looking pointedly at Shitty. “Are a bit of a handful.”

“I can definitely manage.” She said. “If you’re thinking about, Mr. Knight in particular, I assure you, I will have no problem with him.”

“Our last manager thought the same thing.” Murray mutters.

“I maintain that he quit because of academic pressures.” Shitty says brightly. “And I won’t give Ms Duan a spot of trouble. It would be a horrible shame to get off on the wrong foot now, since she’s stuck with me for the rest of our lives.”

“You’re his soulmate?” Hall asks in evident shock. Larissa nods.

“We met on our way here as a matter of fact.” She answers.

“Well, best of luck to you.” Murray mutters.

“He’s not that bad.” Jack says a little defensively. “We’re lucky to have him on our team.”

“We’ll see. One way or another, I can keep him in line.” Larissa promises.

“That would be a wonderful thing.” Hall says quietly. “Well, I think that’s everything we need for today, you are free to go Ms Duan, we’ll be in touch. Shitty, you weren’t supposed to be here anyway, you can go spend some time getting to know your soulmate.” He instructs. Shitty grins, grabs her hand and pulls her out of the room.

“Your coach calls you Shitty?” She asks, surprised.

“Everyone does. He used to call me Knight but whenever he did I answered like I was a medieval knight. He got sick of that so he folded.”

“What about your real first name? I assume you have one?” She asks. He glances around.

“Yes, well, of course I do, but I hate it so no one at Samwell knows what it is.” He answers. “Except that it starts with a B. It’s Boone by the way. Boone Knight, though I will thank you to never tell anyone.” He adds with a smile.

“Wow, Boone… that is…”

“A shitty name?” He asks. “Yeah, hence the nickname. I own that shit. Plus it’s a fun mystery that literally no one knows my real name.”

“Fair enough.” She concedes.

“You have any nicknames. No offense Larissa is a beautiful name, but if you’re going to be involved with the hockey team you need a nickname.” He says brightly. “The only one without one is Jack, he refuses to answer to Zimms even though I know they called him that in the Q. No other nicknames stick. We’ve given up, the guy is boring.”

“He’s your best friend.” She points out.

“Yes and I love him dearly, but the boy watches history documentaries for fun.” Shitty says. “Boring in the most loveable way but he’s still boring.”

“Alright then, I don’t have any nicknames, nothing that stuck and I liked anyway.” She tells him, bracing herself.

“Hmm… Larissa Duan. Duany? No. We could call you Larry? Nope, that sucks…. Larissa Duan, Larissa Duan…” His eyes light up. “Lardo.” He says decisively.

“I can live with Lardo.” She agrees. It’s not bad and seeing how happy it makes him to have found her a nickname convinces her it’s a good idea.

“Alright, Lardo. Let’s go get coffee.” Shitty declares. She links arms with his proffered arm and they are off. She tells herself that just for today she won’t fight with the universe. Just for today she’s going to get to know Shitty because he’s an interesting person, not because he’s her soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the team meets for the first practice of the year Lardo is there as their new team manager. The frogs are also present. Shitty watches as two of them, Adam Birkholtz and Justin Oluransi literally run into each other’s arms when they spot each other. He makes his way over towards them. Their colors have melded into one huge cloud of dark blue that reminds him of twilight.

“You two already knew each other then?” Shitty asks. They look at each other.

“Sorta.” They answer in unison, then grin at each other in surprise.

“We’re soulmates.” Adam starts.

“And like, we’ve never actually been in the same room before.” Justin continues.

“But our soul bond lets us talk.” Adam says.

“Like if we focus, we can hear each other in our minds.” Justin picks up.

“So we already knew each other.”

“But we hadn’t met.”

“We planned this.”

“Coming to the same school.”

“Okay, time to talk one person at a time!” Shitty interrupts.

“Whoops, I didn’t even notice we were doing that.” Adam says apologetically. “We were so damn deep in our bond we were basically just talking as one person. It gets a bit confusing sometimes, and that was before we were actually in the same place.”

“Sorry, Bro.” Justin says with a sheepish smile. “We’ll figure it out.” He adds.

“You two have nicknames?” Shitty asks, marvelling at the strength of their bond.

“They used to call me Birker in the Q, from Birkholtz” Adam says. “But I prefer Holster, it’s what Rans calls me.”

“He says Rans, which is short for Ransom, which is my nickname. Oluransi, you know?” Justin interjects.

“Good, so from now on, you two are Ransom and Holster.” He says, pointing to each of them as he names them to make it offical “I am Shitty Knight.”

“And I’m Lardo, Larissa Duan that is, Team manager.” Lardo has appeared at Shitty’s side.

“I have the honor of being Lardo’s soulmate.” Shitty says proudly. “Come meet everyone else.”

It’s a fantastic thing to be able to introduce himself as half of a set. Shitty is happier than he’s ever been, having Lardo around. He keeps catching sight of purple swirls across the room and his heart swells like it’s going to burst. He knows he’s probably being a little overbearing, but overbearing is basically his personality so he doesn’t worry about it so much. He enjoys watching Ransom and Holster together as well. They skate like they are one person, like they have a telepathic connection… because they have a telepathic connection. He knows from the moment they hit the ice that the new D-men are going to be a powerhouse.

Shitty feels like he’s flying high, right up until Lardo catches him as he’s walking back from Faber. She pulls him aside, her face serious.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, terror popping the bubble of his good mood.

“Listen, I just want to get a few things straight.” She says, taking a deep breath. “I’m not your girlfriend.”

“I know.” He agrees. “You’re my soulmate. I don’t quite know what that means yet, relationship wise, but we’ll figure it out.”

“It doesn’t mean anything, Shitty.” She says carefully. “Listen, you seem like a cool guy, and I am not trying to hurt you, but us being soulmates doesn’t mean anything to me. No promises no guarantees. Soulmates are just people with the potential to love each other, either romantically or platonically. They are not guaranteed to be a good couple or even get along. I refuse to let the fact that our colors match influence the way I interact with you. I’m my own person and so are you. I’d like to be friends with you, not because you have a purple aura but because you seem like an interesting person and you play for the hockey team I manage. That’s it. That’s all. But I don’t really know you yet. Okay?”

“I….” Shitty swallows around the cantaloupe sized lump in his throat. He won’t let this break him. He won’t let this break him. She’s still his soulmate. She’s still his soulmate no matter what she thinks. It still matters. “Yeah alright.” He agrees hoarsely. “We definitely should be friends though yeah? Hang out? No assumptions, just, you’re awesome, and I’m alright so we could… yeah we can be friends. I’m cool with that.” He says nodding desperately. Somehow he manages to smile and keep his tone light.

“Okay, awesome.” She says with a relieved smile. “Good talk. See you around.”

He lets her walk away, trying not to shatter into a thousand pieces. Then he slowly, calmly walks back to his room in the Haus and sits down on his bed. He stares at the wall, blinking, in shock. Somewhere between one blink and the next tears start streaming down his face. He has been waiting his whole life to find someone who just loves him, who loves him unconditionally and always will. He had been waiting his whole life for his soulmate, because they were supposed to love him, they were never supposed to leave him. That’s what a soulmate was, they were supposed to be a promise. He would never be alone again. Never. Now all of that was up in the air again.

“Fuck.” He whispers under his breath, curling into a ball on his bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He knows that he has to be there for Lardo. He can’t be a dick about this. He can’t say ‘No, it matters because you’re my soulmate and I already love you more than I thought possible’. The simple answer to that was that she didn’t love him. That’s what she had been telling him, that she might, but right now she didn’t. Even if she grew to love him she might not stick around. Shitty knows that if he comes at her with all his love right now, she’ll run. There’s got to be a reason why she’s like this. Why she doesn’t want a soulmate bond that means guaranteed love and affection. He can’t afford to scare her off. He tries to convince himself that this is fine, he just has to get her to love him. He just has to earn it. He tries to tell himself that he can do that, he can wait for love. Except the tears keep coming, and he’s pretty sure he’s hyperventilating. It’s too much, just too damn much to have thought he had exactly what he had always dreamed of, only to realize that he never really would.

“Shitty, what in the world-” Jack’s voice startles him enough that he looks up to see Jack standing at the door to the bathroom that connects their doors. “Crisse, are you okay?” Jack asks, staring at him, looking worried.

“No.” Shitty says, his voice barely audible. Jack comes over and sits next to him. He wraps an arm around Shitty.

“Breathe.” He instructs. “Breathe.” He’s taking exaggerated deep breaths for Shitty to follow along with. He just stays there helping Shitty breathe until Shitty’s stopped crying enough to sit up like a real person.

“Do you want to walk about it?” Jack asks softly.

“Lardo doesn’t love me.” He says quietly. “I mean, I get that we don’t know each other yet and all that, but it’s… she said that soulmates are just people who have the potential to love each other, that there is no guarantee that they will, or that if they do that they will get along, or stay together. Romantic, platonic, she doesn’t think any of it is a promise. It’s just the universe saying ‘hey there’s a decent chance with this one.’” Shitty explains.

“Oh, Shits, I’m sorry. That’s really harsh, and not true.” Jack tells him quietly. “You’ll figure it out. She might not love you now, but she will. Everyone loves you.” That makes Shitty laugh.

“See that’s the thing though, they don’t.” He answers. “No one has ever really loved me like that, unconditionally. My parents never gave a flying fuck about me or each other. I never had a best friend when I was younger. I had a lot of friends but they were all superficial friends. They liked me. Everyone likes me well enough, but they don’t love me. I’ve never even had any serious relationships, just flings. I told myself that it was okay, that it didn’t matter because I had a soulmate waiting for me out there. Someone who didn’t think I was weird, someone who would love me no matter what, unconditionally. I accepted not being loved by my parents, because the universe promised me a soulmate. Now I don’t even have that.” He shakes his head as he speaks. He doesn’t know what he had really been expecting. That things would go well?

“I know I’m not your soulmate.” Jack says quietly, “But I would take a bullet for you. You are my best friend and I love you to death.” He looks dead serious.

“Seriously?” Shitty is gonna cry again.

“Of course.” Jack answers. “I’ve always got your back. You aren’t just a friend, you are certainly not a superficial friend. Hell, Shitty you’re one of my emergency contacts.”

“Thank you.” Shitty sobs directly into his best friend’s shoulder. “I love you so much.”

“I know, I know.” Jack pats him on the back helplessly. “It’s gonna be okay, Shits. We’ll figure this out together.”

“For what it’s worth, my first name is Boone.” Shitty confesses tearily. He doesn’t like Lardo knowing something about him that Jack doesn’t. No matter what happens with his soulmate, Jack is still the first platonic love of his life.

“Thanks, for telling me.” Jack murmurs. “I’m going to keep calling you Shitty.”

“Good call.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lardo feels like an idiot. She asked Shitty to back off, and he had agreed. She had briefly felt relieved, the pressure of their relationship gone. Then she had actually paid attention to his face. Now she just feels like an asshole. She could tell from when she first met him that he was the type of guy who really bought into the whole soulmate thing. She has a horrible feeling that she has already broken his heart. She had never wanted that. In the end, she knows she had lied to him. She had let him think she didn’t care about him. She does. Somehow he had already found his way into the spot in her heart reserved for important people. She hates that. So she had made the choice to not love him, not yet. It was her decision, and one way or another she’s standing by it.

It makes her feel slightly better, when the rest of the team quickly joins Shitty in her heart. Jack first, followed by Ransom and Holster. She had thought that this would be a job, she would just be their manager and spend most of her time with fellow art students. She quickly realizes two things. One: she adores the Samwell men’s hockey team and they love her. Two: a surprising amount of art majors are douchebags. It’s not that she doesn’t have art friends, she does, but she finds herself spending a lot more time with the SMH team. They are like one big family, and they had welcomed her into that family immediately. They are her boys, and she takes good care of them.

Before Lardo can really figure out how it happens she realizes that she’s become a big part of the team. The guys are her friends. Jack’s one of her closest friends. Shitty, in spite of her attempts to keep him at arm’s length, is her best friend. She never goes a day without seeing his stupid mustachioed face, and when she does it always makes her smile. He’s her favorite person. Not, she tells herself, because he’s her soulmate, but because he is Shitty.

“Hey, Lards?” He murmurs as they sit together in the reading room. Spring semester is almost over. Finals are coming for them, but for now they can sit on the porch roof and watch the sun set.

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to miss you so much.” He tells her.

“I’m going to miss you too.” She says, gritting her teeth. She has something to tell him and he’s going to hate it. “Hey Shits?”

“Yeah?”

“It won’t just be for the summer.” She blurts. “Not if everything goes well.”

“What’re you talking about.” He asks, looking scared, then he seems to remember something. “Are you going to do study abroad? I know you were talking about it.”

“Hopefully, I’ll be in Kenya fall semester.” She answers, nodding. She’s excited, it’s something she has always wanted to do. It was also the hardest decision she’s ever had to make. It should have been easy, she’s always dreamed of studying abroad, but leaving the team, leaving Shitty, for months… that was going to suck. She’s expecting him to pick up on that, to be upset with her for deciding to ditch him for several months. Instead he grins and pulls her into a hug.

“That’s fantastic!” He exclaims happily. “That’s so awesome! I am straight up so jealous, like, I wish I could do that but with a double major it’s just impossible to find the time. It’ll be such an incredible experience! I’m going to skype you like every single day and you have to tell me everything!”

“Thanks, Shitty.” She says, hugging him back tightly. “I’m going to skype you so often you’ll be sick of me.” She promises.

“I could never get sick of you.” He answers easily. “I love you so much, Lards.” He realizes what he’s said before she does. “Oh, fuck. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- okay I did mean it, I just didn’t mean to say it. You don’t have to say anything!” He exclaims, flustered.

“Shitty, it’s okay. It’s fine.” She reassures. It’s on the tip of her tongue ‘I love you too’ she wants to say it, she almost does. Except she’s got a lump in her throat and she can’t seem to say anything, so instead she just hugs him thinking ‘I love you. I love you. I love you’ at him as hard as she can, as if he could hear her somehow, as if they were Ransom and Holster. She wishes they had a soul connection like that, something that made this easier, so she could just let him see her head. Maybe then he would understand, then he could see how complicated and twisted her feelings on soulmates are, see that it's not his fault.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Jack I fucked up!” Shitty flops onto Jack’s bed and throws an arm dramatically over his face.

“You’re going to need to be more specific.” Jack is calm and collected as he always is when Shitty needs him to be.

“I told Lardo I loved her. It wasn’t like, romantic specific or anything but I feel like it was too much.” Shitty groaned.

“You tell people that you love them all the time.” Jack points out. “You said it to Ransom and Holster this morning.”

“Yes, but this is different!”

“How? Did you not mean it when you told our friends you loved them?” Jack asks. Shitty removes his arm from his face in order to scowl at Jack.

“Of course not! This is different because A: I do love Lardo in a romantic way, and B: she’s my soulmate and seems very afraid of commitment!” Shitty says “And like, she didn’t say anything back. Well, she said it was fine when I apologized but she didn’t say it back. She just kinda hugged me.”

“I don’t think she’s upset with you, Shitty. You didn’t fuck anything up.” Jack tells him gently. “You just told the woman you love that you love her. Give her some time, okay?” he asks.

“She’s leaving.” Shitty adds, remembering what spurred all of this. “Summer obviously, and fall semester she’s going to Kenya.”

“Oh…” Jack’s face falls. “I’m so sorry, Shitty.”

“It’s fine, I’m excited for her, really. Or I was… now I’m just worried I’ve made everything awkward and she’ll just avoid me for the summer and while she’s away. I can’t survive that long without talking to her, Jack.”

“She won’t avoid you. You’re her best friend. She cares about you, a lot.” Jack reminds him.

“Thanks, Jack.” He says.

“I haven’t done anything.” Jack says quietly.

“You help keep my head on straight.” Shitty tells him with a grin.

“And you do the same for me.” Jack tells him, nodding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lardo doesn’t tell Shitty she loves him before the semester ends. She doesn’t tell him that she loves him when she sees him over the summer. She doesn’t tell him when he drives to see her off to Kenya. She wants to tell him. She can’t tell him. She doesn’t tell him the first thirty times they skype each other. She loves Kenya. She has made a few friends. She thinks everything is going well. Until all of a sudden it isn’t. One of her closest friends stops over with a couple beers.

“Hey, Larissa, thought you might like a drink.” He says with a smile. She lets him in, taking a beer.

“Thanks, I needed this.” She says smiling.

“Long day?”

“I’m homesick. I miss my friends.” She confessed. “I miss my boys.” He looked confused which makes her laugh.

“My hockey team. I manage the men’s hockey team, remember? They’re like my family, I miss them.” She explains.

“Ahh, well I don’t play hockey but you’ve got me.” Sam offers

“Thanks, I appreciate that.” She says.

“So… uh… I’ve been meaning to ask… do you have a boyfriend?” He asks. He’s adorably awkward about it, and Lardo feels guilty to have to turn him down.

“My soulmate’s on the team, it’s how we met. I’m sure I’ve mentioned Shitty before.” She tells him apologetically.

“Oh, yeah. I didn’t realize you two were a couple. You always refer to him as your friend. Sorry.” Sam says, blushing.

“We aren’t a couple…” Lardo murmurs. She had forgotten, forgotten that she and Shitty were not romantically involved. She had forgotten that she was technically free to date whoever she wanted. It takes remembering that to make her realise that she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to date anyone but Shitty, probably for the rest of her life.

“I think you need to put a yet into that statement yeah?” Sam asks gently. “You aren’t a couple, yet, but you want to be.”

“Umm… yeah.... I think so.” She stammers. “Sorry, Sam, you’re great and all but-”

“But I’m not your soulmate. It’s cool, I understand. I don’t know what it’s like having a romantic soulmate, but I know that your soulmate… they’re just the most important person in your life. No matter what.”

“Yeah, definitely.” She breathes. “Who’s your soulmate?”

“My adopted brother, he’s my best friend. It’s funny, when you hear about platonic soulmates as a kid you think that it’s gotta suck not to get a romantic partner. Except then when you meet your soulmate you’d never change a damn thing. I love my brother, more than anything, I wouldn’t trade him for the world. It’s just the way it is with soulmates, you can’t help loving them, in whatever way, more than anyone else.”

“Yeah.” Lardo agrees, too close to tears for comfort. He’s right. She loves Shitty, more than anyone else. She has spent so long trying not to, trying to avoid it, because she didn’t want to love him because he was her soulmate. Except she still fell in love with him. She doesn’t love him because he’s her soulmate, she loves him because of who he is, because he’s smart, fiercely loyal, astoundingly empathetic, passionate, sweet, hyperactive occasionally, and just the most beautiful person she knows. She’s starting to think that that is what a soulmate is. The person who you’re guaranteed to love most for who they are as a person. It makes her wonder how her parents could have gone so wrong. She’s starting to care less. She can’t imagine ever really fighting with Shitty the way they fought. She can’t imagine ever deciding to leave him if they were together.

“Hey, Sam. I think I need to skype Shitty.” She says quietly. He smiles at her and nods.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll head out. I’m happy for you, Lardo. I’m sure he loves you more than anything.” He says, standing up.

“I think he does.” She giggles. He raises an eyebrow at that, she’s not a giggly person, but just leaves with a lifted hand as a goodbye. Lardo feels a little overwhelmed, and possibly lightheaded, but she knows one thing. She loves Boone “Shitty” Knight with all of her heart, and she has to tell him. She thanks god that the time difference works out okay, it’s eleven thirty for her but only four thirty for him. She opens skype and sends him a call request. It takes less than a minute for his face to appear on the screen. It makes her smile. He’s obviously in his room at the Haus. He doesn’t have a shirt on. His hair is still stupid long, and his mustache is still ridiculous, and she loves him so damn much.

“Lardo! How’s it going?” He asks brightly, then frowns at her, getting closer to his screen. “Wait are you crying? What’s wrong? Lardo? Are you okay?” She lifts a hand to wipe her eyes. She hadn’t realized that she was crying.

“I’m fine.” She tells him, she still can’t stop smiling at his stupid face. “I just miss you so damn much, Shitty.”

“I miss you too.” He answers immediately. “Like I’m happy for you, I know you’re loving it over there, but this whole you being half a world away thing sucks ass.”

“It really does.” She agrees, sniffing a little. “And I feel like such an idiot, Shits.”

“What? Why? You’re one of the most brilliant people I know!” He protests.

“I love you, Shitty.” She tells him, unable to stop herself anymore. “I love you so damn much and it took me travelling halfway across the world and having Sam ask me out to make me realize that I don’t want to go out with him, or anyone else, because I already know my soulmate, and I love him so much. And I feel like such an idiot because now all I want is to be with you but you’re so far away. If I had just figured this all out earlier we could have just been together. I mean I knew I loved you, and I couldn’t say it. I was scared or something, I don’t know, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long.” Shitty is crying hard. Halfway through her impromptu speech he had pressed a hand over his mouth to muffle sobs. He takes it away so he can speak and she sees that he’s grinning wider than she’s ever seen.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me, Larissa Duan.” He sniffs. “I love you so much, and I told you from the beginning that we could be whatever you were comfortable with. You took the time you needed to figure out what you wanted. I’m glad, I wouldn’t change a single thing.”

“Really? Because I would change the part where you are a sixteen hour minimum flight away.” She says, smiling through the tears streaming down her face.

“Yeah okay, maybe that.” He concedes. “But, you needed to figure things out, and that’s okay. Admittedly, I’m a little tempted to fly there and see you right now.”

“You are not flying sixteen hours just to see me.” She scolds, her heart feeling like it’s going to burst. “You don’t have the time or money for that.”

“I know, but I really really need to kiss you.” He says, “Or whatever you’re cool with.” He adds quickly.

“Yeah, I want to do a hell of a lot more than kiss you, Shits, but you are not traveling all the way out here for that. You are staying in Samwell and going to class and being responsible and I will see you when I get back.” She says in an attempt at her stern manager voice. It comes out cheesy and affectionate.

“I love you.” He says again, probably just because he could.

“I love you too.” She answers, because she can.

“Okay, so don’t hate me but I just want to clarify, are we exclusively dating now?” He asks. “Because if we are, you know that’s it for me right? I don’t want to make any assumptions here.”

“Yes.” She tells him. “We’re dating, we are exclusive. I know. This is it for me too. I know I was difficult before. I was struggling, and I’m sorry if that made you doubt me and our relationship. I was just… cynical about the concept of soulmates.” She looks down.

“I never asked why, it seemed insensitive, but…” He starts.

“My parents, they were soulmates, they fought nonstop. They got divorced when I was thirteen.” Lardo tells him. “I hated that I couldn’t fix it. I hated that I wasn’t in control, it’s what I hate most, not being in control of my life. So soulmates-”

“Feels like the universe telling you what to do.” Shitty says nodding.

“Yeah, and I already didn’t trust the universe to get it right after what my parents went through. My dad, he said to me that a soulmate was someone you loved more than anything, but loving someone isn’t always enough. I was afraid of that. I didn’t want to love you and have my heart broken.” She says quietly.

“Wow, that’s rough. I’m sorry.” Shitty says softly. “But for what it’s worth. I’ll never hurt you, Lardo.”

“I know.” It’s the most important thing she knows right now. He would go to the ends of the earth just to make her happy. Shitty’s never going to hurt her, not purposefully… as for the rest. She was willing to risk it.

“My parents aren’t soulmates.” Shitty says quietly. “They never loved each other or me. The first person who really loved me is Jack. I wanted a soulmate so bad, someone who would love me. And I think I probably came on too strong in the beginning because of it.”

“You don’t have to apologize for loving me.” She tells him softly.

“No, I don’t suppose I do.” He says, looking relieved and happy. She loves him so fucking much.

They talk late into the night, for her anyway. They talk about life, about loving each other, about their lives and how they fit together. She falls asleep listening to him talk about one of his poli-sci classes. It’s the best she’s slept in forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shitty wishes that things got easier after that. They don’t, not really. Lardo is still half a world away, and there’s nothing they can do about that. These days though, they skype each other every single day. It’s usually late for Lardo. A lot of the time she falls asleep with her laptop still open in front of her. Shitty never plans on telling her that he frequently leave the feed running for a while, just so he can look over and see her every now and then. He figures that it’s probably really creepy from her side so he pretends that it doesn’t happen.

“You know I feel like we collectively owe Jack so much.” She says one day while they’re skyping. “Like he’s such a good friend, and I owe him for looking out for you.”

“Yeah. He’s the best. Makes me wish we could find him a soulmate, but he insists he does not have one.” Shitty shakes his head. “It’s weird though, so you know Bitty?”

“Pie boy.” She agrees. Shitty has been keeping her updated on the team.

“Right, so his color looks so close to Jack’s it’s disturbing. I think I’m losing my touch or something, because I can’t see a difference. Jack swears he doesn’t have a soulmate, and he is like mad harsh on this kid too. And the one time I brought it up with Bitty he gave me this look like he was staring at his mother’s grave and said ‘I don’t have a soulmate anymore’ and honestly I was not about to press into whether that meant they died, or something horrible happened between them or some shit. His face was one of the most tragic things I have ever seen.” He tells her, looking perplexed.

“Huh… weird.” Lardo has never met anyone who matched someone else’s color and wasn’t their soulmate. “You sure they are the same?”

“I mean, they can’t be, right? But as far as I can tell they’re identical. I wish you were here, you have better eyes than I do.” He says. He’s been meaning to talk to her about this. It’s bothering him.

“Well, I’ll be home soon anyway.” She promises. “I’ll get you a second opinion as soon as I meet him.”

“I can’t believe you’re coming home soon! It’s been an eternity.” Shitty says. He is trying very hard to pretend that he’s not ever so slightly terrified. He has a feeling he’s failing. He’s beyond excited to see her again, but everything has changed since they last saw each other in person and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to interact with her now. He really doesn’t want to fuck it up.

“I’m so excited to come home. It’s been a dream come true being here but honestly, I miss Samwell so much.” She says with a smile on her face. “I miss you.” She adds, looking uncharacteristically shy.

“I miss you too.” Shitty responds easily. “When do you need me to pick you up at the airport.” He asks.

“You don’t have to do that.” She tells him.

“Of course I do.” Shitty tells her. She just smiles.

“Fine, my flight gets in at three on Saturday, okay? I’ll see you there.” She tells him. “Now I gotta go.”

“Yup, be awesome, love you.” Shitty says.

“Love you too!” She calls before ending the call. Shitty closes his laptop and flops face first on top of it.

“Shitty was that the sound of your face hitting your laptop?” Jack calls from his room.

“The fact that you can recognize that sound is a really bad sign.” Shitty answers.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asks gently.

“I’m scared about Lardo coming home.” Shitty confesses.

“What? Why? I thought you two did the whole healthy communication thing and got together.”

“We did, but like. We’ve never been together while we’ve been together and I’m worried that I’m going to fuck this up.” He says.

“Shitty, you’ll be fine.” Jack tells him gently, “She loves you, you love her. You are best friends. It’s gonna be fine.”

“Or I’ll ruin everything and I’ll lose her.” Shitty mutters. Jack sets a hand on his back.

“I know a thing or two about ruining everything, Shitty.” He says. “Trust me. That’s not what’s happening.”

“You don’t ruin everything.” Shitty says, immediately flipping over into ‘worried about Jack’ mode.

“I did once.” Jack answers. “And you don’t need to comfort me, I know what I did. It’s in the past, I’m doing my best to move on. I am merely acknowledging my mistakes.”

“Okay, fine, but never forget that you are a beautiful amazing human being Jack Zimmermann, and the bad things that happen in your life are not your fault. Anxiety, overdose, and all.” Shitty reminds him. Jack smiles.

“Okay.” Jack agrees. “Thanks Shitty.”

“That’s what best friends are for.” Shitty answers. That’s what makes him remember that he can do this. Lardo is his best friend too, as well as his girlfriend, and they are going to figure this all out together. He trusts her, and she trusts him, and they have each other’s backs.

This realization does not however, make him any less nervous as he paces through the Haus the day he’s supposed to go get Lardo. Finally he decides to go get a coffee just for something to do, he has an hour before he has to leave anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the airline people tell Lardo that her last flight back into Boston was overbooked she thinks she’s going to throw something, all she wants is to get home. Then they offer her a spot on a flight that’ll get in two hours early. She jumps on the chance. She doesn’t tell Shitty, she can’t, her phone isn’t international, but she’ll be getting back before he leaves for the airport. When her flight finally lands she’s beyond exhausted, but she’s too excited to care. She gets a cab from the airport and just gives them the address of the Haus. They never lock the door so she just walks in. For a second she thinks no one is home. Then she catches a glimpse of red in the kitchen she turns thinking it’s Jack.

“Sup, you seen Shits around?” She asks before realizing that it is not, in fact, Jack. Instead, there is a small blond boy in the kitchen, scolding the oven. He has to be Bittle. Shitty is right. This guy’s colors are the exact same as Jack’s as far as she can tell. It is like, freaky level similar. It takes her a second to comprehend what Bitty is babbling.

“Oh my goodness--! Um. No, I haven’t seen him? But, oh, should I text him? Do you need his number?” He asks.

“Nope. Said he’d be round the Haus today.” She answers, going on to point out that the oven he had been scolding is a piece of shit. She’s interrupted by the sound of the door open and then Shitty’s voice

“LARDO!” She doesn’t have time to turn, or dodge as Shitty tackles her in a hug. He’s instantly chirping her and Lardo isn’t even paying attention to what the both of them are saying, she’s just reacting on autopilot as she soaks in the fact that she’s home. Right here, leaning into Shitty, this is home. She only lets go of him when she hears Jack behind her.

“Oh, hey Lardo, you’re back!” She turns and throws her arms around him.

“Zimmermann!” He hugs her back tightly. She has missed Jack nearly as much as Shitty. Jack properly introduces her to Bittle, who seems a little confused by the fact that she is a tiny asian girl.

“Lards, I thought you weren’t supposed to get back for a while now? I was going to pick you up!” Shitty says. She laughs.

“Sorry, Shits. Flights got changed and shit, I ended up on an earlier flight home. I couldn’t call you so I just grabbed a cab.” She tells him with a smile.

“But I was going to be such a good boyfriend! I was going to get you flowers and pick you up at the airport and everything!” He protested. She just pulled him into another hug.

“You’re an idiot.” She tells him, grinning. She feels like her heart is going to explode. He laughs.

“Yeah.” He agrees. “Come on, you’ve got to be exhausted. Wanna take a nap in my bed?” He asks. She nods gratefully.

“Yes, more than anything.” She agrees.

“Sure, napping.” Jack mutters under his breath. Lardo ignores him letting Shitty pull her up to his room. Once they are behind closed doors Lardo looks up at him hopefully. He looks awkward. She sighs.

“Shits, you have to come down here to kiss me, I can’t reach your face.” She says. He grins and leans down to pull her into a kiss. It’s a little awkward. They’re going to have to get used to the height difference, and his mustache tickles. Lardo thinks it’s perfect.

“I love you so much.” Shitty says when he pulls back, a little bit breathless.

“I love you too.” She answers. “And I wasn’t fucking joking about the napping.” She adds. He laughs.

“I wasn’t either. You look dead tired.” He says.

“You’re such a charmer.” She teases, shedding her shoes and jacket before climbing into his bed.

“You already know I always think you’re beautiful. Beautiful people are allowed to be tired too.” He responds as he joins her under the covers and curls around her.

“I missed you.” She says quietly.

“You never have to miss me again.” He promises, kissing her on the cheek. “I’m always going to be here for you.”

“Okay.” She whispers, not sure if he can hear.

Lardo knows that the universe said that Shitty Knight is supposed to be her soulmate, but the universe didn’t make this choice, she did. She chose him, and he chose her, and her heart is his. That might mean that he has control over her, he can control whether her heart stays intact or shatters. Once upon a time, the idea of that had terrified her. If it was anyone else, she would still be afraid, but she trusts Shitty with her heart. Lardo also realizes that having a soulmate doesn’t just mean that someone else holds her heart, but that she has his too. She knows that his heart is hers to guard, to protect. Lardo is going to protect Shitty’s heart for the rest of her life, until all the holes his past put in it are filled with her love.