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Lukas woke up at the loud boom. For a terrifying moment he was back in the cabin, seeing bodies dropping to the floor. Then his eyes took in the familiar wallpaper of his own room and he felt the duvet against his body. Another boom sounded, and this time he could recognise it as their tractor complaining. He was at home, far from the cabin, far from the murderer.
Slowly, Lukas sat up, willing his breath to return to normal as his hand reached out for his phone. He had to talk to someone, and Rose surely wouldn’t complain if he called her.
The voice who answered was far from Rose’s. “Hello?”
“What?” Lukas asked, startled. Why wouldn’t Rose answer?
“Lukas, what do you want? You woke me up.”
“Philip?” Lukas whispered. Why— He was sure he’d called Rose.
“Yes. Who else would it be that answer my phone?” Lukas heard his sigh, before he said, “What do you want?”
“Nothing, I’ll—” His breathing was rising again, so he forced himself to pause and get himself steady before he continued. “I called the wrong number, sorry.”
He was just about to hang up when Philip said, “Wait! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Lukas defended himself, too quickly.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Fine,” Lukas sighed, “I just—” He couldn’t do this, not over the phone. “Meet me?”
“Sure,” Philip replied, sounding a tad bit confused. “Where?”
“The barn,” Lukas said and hung up before he could chicken out.
He flung himself out of bed, getting dressed quickly and not bothering with breakfast. He wanted to see Philip now. Of course, his bike had to act up, and it took him almost five minutes before he could get it going, just because he was trying to hurry.
Philip stood leaning against the old car when Lukas skidded around the corner of the barn. Lukas couldn’t get of the bike quick enough, only let it fall to the side as he hurried to get his helmet off. He couldn’t— he couldn’t— Lukas needed—
He almost burst into Philip’s arm, kissing the surprised boy. He crowded him up against the car, wanting to be closer, needing to be closer.
“Hold on,” Philip said when he pulled back. “What’s going on?”
“It’s—” Lukas tried putting words on what he felt. “All this killing, it never stops.”
Lukas let his head fall forward, resting his forehead against Philip’s chest. First the three guys, then Tommy and Tracy, and now the turkeys. All of it for nothing. “It’s my fault.”
“It’s not,” Philip said, tightening his arms around Lukas. It felt good, so he stepped closer, clinging to Philip.
He could still hear the gunshots, the meatslab sound when the bodies fell to the floor, see the blood splatter on the wall, see how the blood pooled on the floor. It never stopped. It would never stop.
“Philip, I can’t—” He leaned back to look at Philip. He could only see a quick flash of his eyes before Philip kissed him, pressing desperately into him.
“I can still see and hear it,” Lukas whimpered when they pulled back, hating how pathetic he sounded.
“It won’t go away unless we tell—”
“No!” Lukas protested. “We can’t do that! You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Okay,” Philip said, his voice reluctant, and pulled Lukas into another kiss.
Lukas let himself melt into it, trying to forget all his other thoughts, give himself over completely to their kisses.
His phone buzzed in his pocket. Lukas groaned into Philip’s mouth before pulling away. If it was his dad he was in trouble.
From: Rose Where are you???
Lukas put his phone back in his pocket, hoping he could ignore it, pretend he hadn’t seen it. He didn’t want to acknowledge the world right now. He wa here with Philip now. Him, not Rick Andersen or someone else, just him and Philip.
“Who?” Philip asked.
“No one.” Lukas shut him up with more kisses.
“It was Rose, wasn’t it?”
Lukas tried to sink them back into kisses, but Philip kept pulling back, his face showing a wordless question.
“Okay,” Lukas sighed. “Yes, it was Rose, al right? But it doesn’t matter.”
“You know it does,” Philip said, his voice low and his eyes downcast. “Sure, she doesn’t know, but you’re hurting her. You’re hurting me.”
“I know!” Lukas explode, stepping back from Philip. “I know that I’m doing that, okay? But I can’t tell anyone! No one wants me to be that guy.”
“Maybe not, but you have to make a decision. I’m not going go be your little bitch!”
Philip turned away from Lukas and went to his bike. He was on it and pedaling away before Lukas could react.
“Philip!” Lukas called after him, but Philip wouldn’t turn around or answer.
Lukas sagged to the ground, feeling how his energy left him. He hadn’t wanted this when he called.