Work Text:
“Grab on!” Vic said amusedly as Earl clung onto the stick for dear life, pulling him up. “Earl Keese, come on up,” He said in a mock game show host voice. “See? All I wanted was a little honesty in our relationship, buddy! You’d want the same thing, right, pal?” Earl clambered up to shore—and Vic felt himself lunged forward into the quicksand as the older man hurled the stick backwards.
“Vic, Vic! Don’t kid around! Come on up, Vic! Vic, Vic! Vic, Vic, I’m sorry! Vic, come back! Vic! Vic, come back! Oh, Vic… Vic! Forgive me, Vic. Forgive me!” Earl said in an increasingly distressed tone, before stumbling out of the swamp and back to the house, presumably.
Years of roughing it in Alberta as a kid taught The Captain better than to panic and move. He held his breath for what seemed like forever, before he heard some familiar light footsteps up on dry land.
“Oh, you poor baby,” Ramona cooed as she delicately knelt down and reached a stick out into the quicksand. Vic firmly grabbed on and was gently pulled out, and the brunette blonde beamed, grunting a bit as he got up. “Liebling, du bist stärker, als du aussiehst!” The woman tilted her head affectionately, “So are you, Captain.”
His manic smile faltered as his mismatched brown and green eyes narrowed. “My contact lenses, they’re gone!” He yelled.
“So eine verdammte Dreckscheiße—jetzt sind meine scheiß Kontaktlinsen weg! MAN! Ich könnte schon wieder—ich krieg so nh großen hals! Meine fresse wo sind die hin?!” Vic’s hands shot up to cover his eyes, feeling embarrassed to show them, even in front of Ramona. Ramona, whose known him since they were kids. Ramona, who knew him when he went by Harry, and even before that.
“Vic, I’m sure they’re just down there. Please don’t stress yourself out so much, baby. It makes you age.” She took out her white purse, humming as she methodically went through until she found what she was looking for. She took out a little case holding two strikingly blue contact lenses, and he felt like he could finally breathe again as she put them on for him, and he blinked a few times to set them in place.
“Ramona, you’re a real life saver! What would I do without ya?” The demented look returned to his mud covered face, and Ramona gave a look like she knew the answer.
“I’m sure Enid’s wondering where I am,” The woman sighed as she looked towards the large, white house peaking over the trees. “Vic, baby, why don’t you go and surprise Earl? I’m sure he’ll love it.”
“Nothin’ but good ideas from ya, Mones!” The Captain and Empress then looked at eachother, smiling, before they both started their trek back to the Keese’s.
What to do? Where to hide? Vic wondered to himself as he ran to the back of the house, seeing that Ramona’s already made it inside, while hearing Earl curse as he fell down again. The younger man winced as pain shot up his right knee, deciding that maybe running was a bad idea. His eyes then locked onto the stairs to the basement, muttering “Scheiße” as he made his way down them, gripping onto the railing with white knuckles hidden by mud.
He silently entered the dark basement, making out the shower in the corner with a psychotic smile. Perfect, he thought, this is gonna be fun!