Chapter Text
Bag and chains, jeans and shoes — Alexander Wang, preferably. Spikes and patent leather, different fabrics mixed together.
I moved forward like a hurricane. Through the streets of New York, my face was kissed by the wind blowing in my favor — I used to imagine that this would be the usual feeling of a surfer.
My reality was a worn-out, new skateboard; after all, it's all about the concept, the Queens vibe. Anyway, I was feeling stylish. Even with the pants that vacuum-packed my legs and the absence of chains in my final outfit, the soundtrack shaped the mood.
Fashion Killa and that strip of sunlight made me feel alive. Even though my clothes didn't align with my true vision of fashion, my state of mind that morning was all about conversation.
Quite pleasant, in fact.
As I scanned the distant landscape of buildings, I remembered where I was going. High school, sophomore year, back from spring break. I was more than unprepared to wake up early five mornings a week again, and more than prepared to get down to business and do the biology exercises I'd missed so much. And more than unprepared to suffer the usual bullying.
The mention of Midtown School in my field of vision came unannounced, and the result was a near fall followed by a stumble due to my lack of experience with the four-wheeled object.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my friend approaching. He was just like last time: focused and concentrated.
"When did you learn to skateboard and why didn't I know?" the cute boy with rectangular glasses asked, approaching.
"Good morning to you too, An!" I reinforced my friend's rudeness. "I'm fine, thanks for asking!"
"Answer me!"
"Because it was two days ago, and I didn't learn" I replied in a tone of someone who had just been utterly embarrassed by a near public humiliation and needed to pretend everything was okay to survive.
"Okay... So when did you decide to pretend you knew how to skateboard and why didn't I find out?" He asked again. I chose to take a deep breath before answering as the best option.
"I repeat, it was two days ago, I barely had time to text you"
"I imagine you, Mila Song, spent the entire weekend stuck in a dilemma between playing video games or learning to skateboard" He mocked me bluntly.
"We barely saw each other and you're already laughing in my face!" I held my means of transportation beside me and looked deep into his eyes "You know what? I bet you, Keonho, spent your entire vacation torn between unraveling the mysteries of quantum physics or trying to replicate some genetic experiment!"
"Actually, I spent most of my time dedicated to the Student Council." I rolled my eyes, dreading the same old topic.
"Oh, the one you're not even a part of? That's why you didn't even text me during those two weeks of recess..." I smiled victoriously, feeling like I'd won the morning argument.
Keonho was my only friend from Midtown, and one of the only ones in my circle of friends. We'd become close at the beginning of our first year of high school and quickly developed a strong bond because we got along so well—or maybe because we were each other's only company. Actually, we're close in age, and having opposite sexes has never been a problem for us; we're equally quirky.
The "nerd" and the "even nerdier" girl, both Asian, and in the American view, we have a greater tendency to excel in math. Tastes, ethnicity, and prejudice—the perfect mix for the excluded.
Despite everything, Keonho played a good role as a friend. He chatted, stayed by my side during his free time, and talked about his own interests. Enough to distract from our lack of socialization.
"Yes, Mila! The most important club in school, which I'm not currently a part of, but will be in the future!" he stated confidently, clutching his notebooks to his chest.
"Am I supposed to agree?"
"No need, your lack of support is just fuel for me to reach my goal."
"Okay, Keonho. I believe in your potential, but I also think it would be interesting... I don't know... for you to experience other things?" I held his shoulders and turned him to face him.
"Especially since you've lived a lot, haven't you?" he said ironically.
"More than you, at least!"
"..."
"What would you rather hear? What I really think or the answer that will make you happy even though it's completely false?" I asked.
"Right now, I'd rather hear anything, even that I'm good at math just because I'm Asian"
I couldn't help but laugh at the joke and the pout on Keonho's face. He really was a younger and taller baby than me.
"The definition of "Asian" doesn't exist for them. We're the Chinese of Midtown, remember?" We talked as we turned down the hallways.
"Funny, isn't it? I don't even know Mandarin!"
"Then I guess you're not fit to join the Student Council! How do you think you'll do a good job being an Asian who doesn't know all the languages? At least you have to know the Asian ones!" I joked, trying to get a funny reaction from him.
"Oh my God! Mila, it hurts me to say this, but I think you're right..." Keonho's expression changed in a few seconds.
"No, Keonho, calm down!" I panicked, realizing I might have gone too far. "I was just kidding, I wasn't serious!"
"Seriously?" An asked, worried.
"Seriously!"
The words didn't seem enough to dispel the newly implanted idea from his head.
"My God..." I murmured, unable to believe I had fueled Keonho's figurative paranoia.
An Keonho, his best friend for a year and the person with the most distant mental age from reality that I know. Always trying to prove to others the value of his inner self. A very hardworking person, I would say, but also extremely distant from what he would want.
Keonho would be, for a long time, that smarter, more focused friend with a more promising future than his. That was never a burden for me, quite the opposite, one more reason to respect him, for being my only friend.
Our relationship is based on everyday interactions and conversations between two people who identify with each other by ethnicity. Although one is a woman and the other a man, simply being from the East was enough for us to be treated the same way—many sideways glances and offensive jokes.
Keonho is one of the best people I know. I can see through the mask he always wears for others and for himself. He tries to project a fictitious confidence, but I'm not a child anymore to believe stories.
I hope to be a silent support to our friendship.
"Thinking about it now, we're not the only Asians in the school..." Keonho resumed the subject.
"Forget the fact that we have slanted eyes, we're late!" I warned, spotting the clock on the hallway wall. Keonho's eyes widened and he quickened his pace.
Upon entering the classroom, I couldn't resist the automatic reaction of hiding my skateboard behind my back and bag.
"Hey, Song! A little gift from the Queens gang?" A voice echoed from the back of the room, and a paper ball flew straight into my head from that direction. I could only tell because I felt the impact and in the next second mentally calculated the angle from which it came. I'm such a nerd.
I closed my eyes and rubbed the back of my neck afterward, impressed by the force with which I had been hit.
Keonho turned around and seemed to vehemently disagree with the act, but only clenched his fists and looked away.
I don't know what was going through his head at that moment, but I internally hoped it was any feeling that would benefit me as a friend.
"Since when do you skateboard, weirdo?" Someone asked beside me while I was skating. I couldn't interpret their tone of voice, but it wasn't good. I moved my head to find out who had said that, and I came face to face with Juhoon and his smug smile.
I swallowed a fitting reply, without knowing exactly why.
"Since when did she do favors for the drug dealer in her neighborhood?" Juhoon's dimwitted friend whispered in his ear, loud enough for everyone to hear.
Some parallel laughter was heard until the professor's presence emerged within the four walls.
"For those who don't know, most of the students in this school and this class reside in Queens. That is, everyone in the same neighborhood. I, Professor Otto, PhD in Physics and Technology, am included," he said, going to his desk and distributing the materials.
I gave the man a desperate look. I know his intentions were the best, and even if they weren't, his duty as a professor was to keep the class in order, but he had just indirectly sworn to me.
"Seonghyeon," he said, referring to Juhoon's friend, "if you weren't so busy laughing at people different from you, you'd be surpassing Mila's grades."
Everyone present in the room fell silent, fearing further humiliation. Only Juhoon laughed, still with that smug look on his face. Otherwise, only heavy breathing could be heard.
I glanced at Keonho, who looked at me with pity. We had a hurried conversation, lip-reading each other, before sitting down. I took a deep breath, knowing what was coming next.
Being defended by Mr. Otto wasn't exactly a privilege, not when you were an oddball—and a foreigner—taking the place of many Americans as the teacher's pet.
I knew I wouldn't get away unscathed, but I tried to ignore Seonghyeon's burning gaze that had been stinging the back of my head all morning, for the sake of my studies and my sanity.
"See, in the perfect world, I would be perfect, world..." I hummed unconsciously. My brain understood that mentally reproducing the songs of my favorite artists regulated my stress.
"Mila, everyone can hear you..." Keonho, with whom I was sitting as a pair, warned me in a low voice.
I practically jumped in my chair, realizing the embarrassing situation I had just created. I looked around to see how humiliating the nerd's singing had been, and when my gaze met Seoghyeon's, I swallowed hard.
On the other side of the room, the other Asian—but spoiled—boy was watching me with the eyes of a tiger. I felt like prey being meticulously analyzed by its predator. It's impossible that in the 21st century a boy like that could finish me off, right?
Mr. Otto, you're great, but it's over for me!
"Keonho!" I whispered, drawing his attention "Look behind you..."
He understood my gaze and discreetly searched for any strange movement I might be pointing to. When he looked, he saw that not only Seonghyeon, but Juhoon was staring at us.
His eyes widened and we looked at each other for five seconds in complete silence. His cheeks flushed with nervousness.
"And now?"
"And now what?"
"They're definitely going to get us on the way out!" He said tremulously.
"Holy shit..." My gaze wandered as I felt a tingling sensation run down my spine "An Keonho, you need to protect your only friend, she's a defenseless woman!" I practically begged.
"I can't even protect myself, how am I going to protect both of us?" I opened my mouth to argue, but I had nothing to say. To be honest, I knew he was right, I just didn't imagine the semester would start like this.
On the very first day I would become a statistic.
Amidst reflections and a period reserved for accepting my fate, my attention was drawn by my friend.
"Mila, I think I have an idea..."
*
At the end of class, Keonho and I made a silent agreement to do our best to disappear. We fled the exact moment the bell rang signaling the end of classes. At first, I was tense thinking there was a chance we were being followed, but that idea quickly faded when I saw that we had been quite clever. There wasn't a single human being in that part of the school. It was far away, but all I saw was dust.
"I didn't even know this area existed," I commented quietly. An turned around desperately, gesturing for me to shut up. "There's nobody here!"
"Just because you secretly listen to Kendrick Lamar doesn't mean you have the right not to be afraid! If they see two nerds around here, they'll eat us alive!" He spoke like an urban legend.
"Then why did you bring us here?" I asked indignantly.
"Because my only friend practically begged on her knees for protection, and the first solution I thought of was this abandoned corner of Midtown..." We explored the unknown with hesitant steps.
"Why is it so dark here when it's daytime?" I asked, already fed up. No one had followed us, and by that point, everyone would have already left.
"Shh..." Keonho stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Did you hear that?"
"Heard what?"
"Shh! Be quiet and pay attention!" I obeyed, and within seconds I began to hear a strange sound. It was distant, like knocks on the floor, on the ceiling; I couldn't identify which direction it was coming from.
"What is that?" I asked him suspiciously. "Where did you bring us?"
"I already told you this place is abandoned! I just don't know why it's inhabited..." We continued on our way, but this time more slowly. The knocks and sounds gradually became clearer, but never seemed close enough.
"How do you know about these places?"
"To be part of the Student Council, I need to know every detail of this school," he said mysteriously. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the mention of the subject.
"I doubt the Student Council members know all these details!"
"They don't know because they're already there! To get in, I need to surprise them by surpassing my superiors..." He barely finished speaking when we saw a large door a few meters away.
"Keonho, are we going to continue or not?" I asked, pointing my phone's flashlight at the large passage. It looked like a gym door, and the noise was clearly coming from there.
We didn't need to exchange words to move forward. My heart pounded in my chest as if yearning for the world outside. Or maybe it was just social anxiety kicking in with the possibility of someone unknown coming through the door.
"If someone shows up, you're responsible for interacting. Is that clear?" I asked, and he just nodded.
I stood in front of him as if I could protect him and pushed the door open. Nothing prepared me for what I was about to see. I don't speak for Keonho, as I couldn't see his reaction, but I bet he was just as shocked as I was.
Just a few meters away from us, in a huge gymnasium, was a fervent crowd, a full team. Two teams, actually. Guys almost two meters tall playing basketball, cheerleaders tap-dancing on the shiny floor, coaches and teachers all around analyzing the game. What was that?
I looked at Keonho, searching for an answer, but he was mesmerized by the scene in front of us, I just don't know if it was for the same reasons as me.
"I forgot..." He murmured almost inaudibly.
"About what?" I asked, completely lost.
"About the sports festival," he replied, looking very shaken.
Oh
"Keonho, you knew about this?"
"Yes! I always keep myself informed about school events; it's essential for someone who wants to be a role model here! I just don't know how I forgot that the festival was happening right after spring break..." Keonho seemed deeply shaken by his inability to remember and participate, even in his usual meddling way.
"Keonho, it wasn't your fault," I tried to comfort him, but he didn't take his eyes off the game. He seemed completely lost. "Are we just going to stand here or...?"
He stared at me, and I saw fury in his eyes. Anger at himself for forgetting and missing out, but he wouldn't accept that outcome. He confidently walked through the door, and I followed him with smaller, quicker steps. We walked along the edge of the court, and while he walked decisively, I felt overwhelmed with so much information.
Many sweaty bodies in the same space, intense heat, many tall men making noises like animals, and many girls sprawled in the stands. From afar I saw Seonghyeon on the team's bench, and my reflex was to move closer to Keonho's back to go unnoticed; however, his focus was entirely on the match unfolding in front of him.
I felt like flicking him on the back of the neck and teasing him for being a substitute when we passed by him, but a person like me would never have that courage.
Keonho and I climbed a few steps and sat down in the audience after a lot of pushing and shoving. The crowd was euphoric, but we were completely invisible.
A few minutes passed and the game ended. People were jumping, kicking, spilling popcorn and soda. My white Converse got soaked in Coca-Cola, and I almost cried because of it, if it weren't for Juhoon sitting a few seats away from me.
I froze, and the next second I felt a sting on my neck, but I took it as a physical reaction to my nervousness and anxiety. We ran away so much that we ended up in this dilapidated gym, full of people, and yet we were still chasing after the bullies.
Noticing his presence, I did my best to hide, even nudging Keonho, but he was still too numb from his own disappointments to hear me. I watched Juhoon turn his head in my direction with the calm of a turtle. I ripped my glasses off so he wouldn't recognize me, but I haven't been able to see anything since then.
"Keonho!" I nudged him several times until he looked at me "Juhoon is here!"
"Where?" I could feel his anguish, since I couldn't see. He searched for him with his eyes and his gaze widened instantly "Mila!"
The sequence of events that followed was so fast that I didn't even process it. The fact that I was partially blind also contributed, but what I understood from the situation was that the basketball game had already ended and that a new sport was about to begin. Oh, and that I was being carried. Yes, carried. By Juhoon, because I recognized the vibrant colors of his jacket.
It was all so absurd that I couldn't even be shocked, I had no reaction. In two taps I was already on the court, in the place where the athletes wait to enter.
"Mila!" I heard a distant voice call me. I searched for its origin, but, again, I was without my glasses, so I didn't understand anything. I assumed it was Keonho, since he was the only one in the school who knew my name.
I tried to look around for any sign of something, but I honestly didn't understand anything. Everything was blurry. Then, for milliseconds, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head. A pain so unbearable that I almost fainted. The combination of tension and that pain weakened my legs and left me sprawled on the cold floor. I squeezed my eyes shut, desperately trying to resist the pain, but it only intensified.
Suddenly, I found myself standing, supported by warm, slightly damp hands. I heard a deep breath in front of me. I opened my eyes, realizing the pain was gone, and in its place, the impossible had happened: I could see. A handsome, extremely tall, blond boy, right in front of me.
How? I wasn't wearing my glasses. Had someone attacked me? Had I hit my head? Had a miracle happened and my nerves aligned at that very moment so I could see? Or was I wearing my glasses and hadn't noticed?
I put my hands to my face and felt the frames. Obviously, I thought. It was scientifically impossible for me to suddenly regain perfect vision.
I stared at the boy in front of me. My neck ached a little from having to lift my head to see him completely, but that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that the result of that effort was worth it, because the sight was pleasant.
"Are you alright?" His deep, yet gentle voice resonated and reached my ears. He had an Asian and Western appearance at the same time. His blond hair seemed natural, but the roots, a few shades darker, betrayed the artificial coloring. A drop of sweat trickled down his forehead; he was tired. I think I've seen him playing basketball, but I've never seen him here.
"Yes..." That was all I could say, and I even stuttered. My God, what a failure.
"I'm going to dance with you. Are you ready?" He asked attentively, and I almost fell for his charms, but my brain short-circuited. Dance?
"What? Dance? What are you talking about?" I blurted out, confused.
Actually, everything was very confusing from the beginning of that morning. Keonho and I ran away from Seonghyeon and Juhoon, fearing they would do something to us after class, but we ended up at this sports festival that I'd heard about but had no idea was happening today.
Then, Juhoon — I think — identified me in the crowd and carried me here very easily because a nearsighted woman without her glasses is very vulnerable.
Then, I felt a sharp headache that knocked me to the ground, and when I got up, I saw a handsome unknown blond guy paying attention only to me, while the entire gym was screaming. He must have been very popular, but he wasn't from around here. Oh, and I'm wearing my glasses again.
I take the frame off my face and realize that it wasn't my round frame, but a larger, rectangular one.
"These are my glasses. You seemed a little lost, so I put them on hoping you could see with them" The boy in front of me seemed to notice the frown on my face. How did that beauty wear glasses? Wait, how was I getting clear vision without his glasses and without my own?
"Apparently I don't need them, but thank you" I said uncertainly while looking around.
"If that's the case, it's okay.
I didn't know what to focus on: his face or the fact that the scientifically proven impossible had happened.
"You're looking at me with a strange face..." He said humorously.
"I'm sorry!" I offered "Do I happen to know you?"
" I don't think so. I'm not from here, I just came for the sports festival" Another truth, the festival included several schools from the region.
"And why did you say that before about we dance together?" I asked, and he looked at me confused, alternating his attention between me and the center of the court.
"Just Dance" He pointed, and I looked. There was a television in the middle of the gym and some technological equipment. Oh, no.
I started sweating, understanding everything — just a little lost as to the part about the Just Dance category being included in the festival.
Juhoon and Seonghyeon had set me up. I glanced around the stands and found Keonho, slumped over with a defeated expression. I looked at him with the same intensity. He seemed confused and lifted my glasses. They were broken.
I looked back at the stranger, preparing myself to try to sound as normal as possible.
"Look, I know this might sound crazy, but I wasn't supposed to be here!" I said tremulously.
"Calm down, everything will be alright" He held my shoulders, and all I felt was anything but calm "I also parachuted in here. It doesn't make much sense for a basketball player to dance, does it?"
I realized he was trying to win me over with humor, but he wasn't reassuring me.
"No, you don't understand! I'm not an athlete, I don't play sports, I just sit with my nose in books. I'm the class nerd, I should be studying in the library right now! How am I going to compete in Just Dance? Okay, I sometimes do a freestyle at home alone, but I'm not ready to show that side of me yet!" I blurted out, almost collapsing. I saw him stare deep into my eyes for three seconds before laughing. But it wasn't the laugh I usually heard, it was a laugh of understanding.
"I'm confused too. What's your name?"
"Mila."
"Mila, look, I think my friends decided to play a prank on me when they signed me up to dance in front of a bunch of people I don't know, at an unfamiliar school. I'm just as confused as you are, but I'm going to do my best to enjoy this moment, you know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I also like to dance when I'm alone at home, but that's a secret." "Promise you won't tell anyone?" He held up his pinky finger to me, and that's how we sealed our first promise.
I didn't know that guy. I had been deliberately placed there to be humiliated in front of everyone. For some reason, I had regained my sight, and I had never received so much attention. An entire gymnasium was waiting for me. Actually, for the worst of me. But that boy—despite probably being popular and highly desired—wasn't judging me without even knowing me. Quite the opposite, he was willing to reframe one of my countless bullying experiences, even though he was in a position to intimidate me.
Would it be the right choice to give in to that attractive and humble guy?
"Third pair, get ready to compete," a voice announced over the loudspeakers. Only then did I realize the competition was already underway, and that we were the third pair.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
"I don't know..."
"The idea is that we compete even if we're dancing together, but I swear I won't let you down. Trust me?"
Why did that giraffe inspire so much confidence in me? His eyes overflowed with expectation and enthusiasm, so I thought for a moment before answering him.
"Only if you tell me your name," I mustered a lot of courage to utter such bold words.
"Martin. My name is Martin."
I didn't even feel like answering; I was speechless for this Martin. He seemed a little disconcerted by my lack of response.
"You still don't trust me? Fine, then. My full name is Martin J. Edwards."
"Why don't you tell me your middle name?"
"I don't really like it, I think it's corny."
"If you don't tell me, unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to trust you." I don't know where I got that sense of humor, but it made him laugh. I felt a little nervous after my own words, fearing I had gone too far.
"You're reserved, but you're opening up to me. I suppose you're actually trusting me," he teased back.
"Alright, Martin J. Edwards. You win."
"It's MJ for those who know me well," he said, and I felt my heart pound faster, but I think it was more joy at having been able to talk normally with someone other than Keonho.
"Am I perhaps part of that tiny fraction of people?"
"Only if you dance with me," he offered his hand, and I realized it was our turn. I hesitated a little, looked around, searched for Keonho, but couldn't find him. I looked for Juhoon and Seonghyeon and found them a little behind. They were holding back their laughter, very eager for my humiliation. I grabbed Martin's hand, who displayed the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my entire life.
As we walked towards the television, I felt my hair clip come loose and fall to the floor. My straight, dark hair fell loose, and I felt Martin's gaze on me. For some reason, that gave me more confidence to continue.
The dance was random, so we had no idea what song would play.
When we were properly prepared, the lights went out and the screen of the device illuminated us. A light from above also came on, and I felt like I was in a movie. I stared at the country clothes my character was wearing and gasped when I saw the panda that Martin would represent.
And the first notes of Timber echoed through the gym.
I heard onomatopoeia in the background. Shouts, sounds of shock, laughter, but I tried very hard not to let it affect me.
I nervously repeated the character's movements. I was aware of my abilities, I knew how to dance. Kendrick Lamar, I won't let you down, I'll give a good performance, I swear!
Anyway, I couldn't see people's faces covered by the darkness, so it was easier to concentrate on Martin and our dance. I kept going over his words in my mind the whole time. Enjoy, don't care, have fun. Why did I deprive myself so much of doing this in front of people?
While the music played, I felt as if my movements were automatic. I knew the entire choreography and had never realized it. Every now and then I exchanged glances and smiles with Martin, who seemed equally excited.
His movements weren't very professional, much less mine, but the execution was mainly motivated by the connection we had. I was lucky to have met him at that moment; otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to open up so easily. It was also the thought that we might never see each other again that made me lose my shyness.
Regarding the audience, it was difficult to remember they existed. The silence would have been deadly if the music hadn't been blasting from the speakers.
I moved my arms, swayed my hips, jumped, went down to the floor, smiled, acted. I copied the exact scenario that frequently happened in my own room, in front of the mirror.
For the final act, I jumped onto Martin's back, who caught me easily. That moment should be eternal, it felt so good. It had been a long time since I felt like this, free.
In a matter of seconds the music stopped, the lights came on, and not a single voice escaped unscathed. Everyone screamed, everyone. There's a possibility that Juhoon and Seonghyeon just had their mouths open. Let me rephrase that. Not a single mouth was closed, not a single one. Right then, I realized that Martin and I had savored the true essence of that moment.
I looked for his eyes, which were already on me. I couldn't stop smiling, while he couldn't stop looking at me. He was a little serious, breathless, but not sad. I'd say hypnotized.
Before I could take any action, I felt all my strength leave me. All that remained was a vast darkness.