Work Text:
Dearest Fath Dear Family,
I'm sure you've already been informed The mission president probably definitely already told you about what happened out here in Uganda. I'm Its You're probably wondering why I didn't take the first plane back. I don't know either I couldn't. There's too much here I want to do, and
Kevin sighs and crumples up the paper. He's been at this for hours at this point, one letter. One letter is all he needs to write. But nothing is coming out right, and at this point the papers in the recycling bin are more scribble than content. He runs a hand over his face and stands up from Connor's desk. A walk. He needed to go on a walk.
He grabs a glass of water from the kitchen first, and then heads out. Chris and James are sitting on the couch. Chris is knitting as usual, and James is reading some book he picked up at the market, his legs are draped over Chris' lap, its very domestic.
Kevin sighs, another thing he would have to put in his goddamn letter, 'Hey by the way I like boys and have a boyfriend!' His parents are in for just a real big treat.
He finds himself walking along the river. The sounds of the river tended to calm him when his mind was racing. So he walked, and thought, and looked into the water every once in a while to watch the fish.
Eventually though, something catches his eye, there's a nest on the ground, in the grass. Its pretty well hidden, which is understandable because there are some eggs in it.
As he's investigating he notices a little head pop out from behind the eggs. It was a tiny duck, very obviously still a baby.
"Aw," he said, kneeling down, "You're so cute… where's your mom lil guy?"
The duck makes a noise in response, and Kevin lets out a laugh. "Yeah I feel better now. Thanks."
He gets up and begins to walk away when he casts a glance backwards, only to see the duckling is following him (as best as it can, honestly its lagging really far behind considering its tiny legs).
"No, you can't follow me back. You have to stay and wait for your mom." He tells it, as if that would do anything.
He tries to continue walking, but once more the ducking follows him. Kevin sighs, and just accepts that maybe it needs to fulfill some instinctual curiosity.
It's not until he gets back to the hut that he gets the real reason.
"Dude, it imprinted on you." Zelder says, as soon as Kevin explains what happened.
"What?" is Kevin's only response.
"It thinks you're its mom."
"WHAT!?"
"Yeah. Ducks imprint onto the first thing they see. You happened to be there, so it thinks you're it's mom. I'm surprised you didn't know that."
Kevin has never wanted to strangle Zelder more than in this moment, but he restrains himself.
"So, what do I do now?"
Zelder shrugs in response, "Either raise it or leave it to the whims of nature. Not much else you can you."
Kevin frowns, "Well I don't want him to die…"
"Guess you're a parent then. Congrats man." Zelder claps him on the shoulder, "I'm gonna go watch some birds, lemme know if you need any tips on taking care of it."
Kevin sighs and kneels down to look at the duck, "You're gonna need a name if I'm going to raise you, can't keep referring to you as 'the duck.'" He thinks for a moment, and then gets a big grin on his face, "I know! I'll name you Kevin Jr."
The first few weeks with Kevin Jr. were a roller coaster. Kevin was constantly pestering Zelder about what to feed him, when to do so, if he was acting normal, how often he should check on him, etc.
It annoyed Zelder to the point that Kevin Jr. was 'Kevin' and actual Kevin was 'human Kevin.' But Zelder was the only missionary with any actual knowledge of birds, so Kevin ignored it. (Zelder was also quite fond of Kevin Jr. — which he'd never admit — so he put up with Kevin's constant pestering as well).
Everyone else also loved Kevin Jr. Arnold in particular was overjoyed at the presence of a pet, as well as the fact that he was an 'uncle.'
The only one mildly annoyed at Kevin Jr.'s presence was Connor. Though it was more so because Kevin was constantly watching the duck, making sure he didn't get into trouble or eaten by something in the wild. So Connor lamented the fact they never had any alone time.
"Come on Kev, leave him with one of the other guys for a few hours." He was currently pleading, "I want to have some alone time with my boyfriend."
Kevin had been adamant on not leaving Kevin Jr. alone, but seeing Connor's big blue eyes and his stupid pouty face made him consider it.
He sighs, "Fine. But I won't leave the village, I need to be here in case he needs me."
Connor rolls his eyes lovingly, "Yes I know, love. Now can you leave him with Zelder and I can take you on a nice walk around the village and we can have a nice picnic by the river or something?"
Kevin gives him a smile in return, "Yeah yeah."
—
Finding Zelder was easy, he was currently in the living room updating his bird journal.
"Zach, can you watch Kevin Jr. for a bit?"
Zelder looks up from his book, "Since you're using my first name I assume some outside factor spurred this request?"
"Yeah, Con wants to take me on a date because I spend all my time with Kevin Jr. so can you watch him?"
Zelder gives him a stupid smirk, "Yeah I suppose I could watch Kevin while you and Connor go 'on a date'." He does air quotes for the last part, and wiggles his eyebrows annoyingly.
Kevin feels his face go red, "We are going on a regular date, Zelder."
"Sure sure." He still has the stupid smirk on his face, "I can watch your duck son. Hand him over."
Kevin reluctantly picks up Kevin Jr. from where he stood by his side on the floor. "Alright Kevin Jr., papa has to go out with dad for a bit. Be good for Zelder." He gives the duck a pat on his head and hands him off to Zelder.
Zelder grabs the duckling with one hand and waves with the other, "Bye Human Kevin! Have fun on your date." He does the stupid eyebrow wiggle again and Kevin has to remind himself that he cant strangle Zelder because he's literally the only person Kevin knows who is knowledgeable about birds.
"Bye Zelder." He says through clenched teeth before leaving the mission hut and heading to where Connor told him to meet up.
—
The area Connor wanted them to meet was a small spot a bit away from the river. There was a tarp on the ground and Kevin smiled at the fact that Connor actually set up a picnic date.
"Sit sit. I want to enjoy what little time with you I have."
"You make it seem like I'm going to die, Con. I can survive a few hours without Kevin Jr."
"Sure, sure. I'll totally believe that considering I had to beg you to leave him behind so I could have this date."
Kevin huffs, "Whatever," he says, a small smile peaking through his mask of annoyance, "What'd you bake?"
Connor rolls his eyes at Kevin's attempt at redirecting the conversation, "I made banana bread with chocolate chips, I haven't had it in a while and I figured I'd make enough to share."
"Yum." He sits down on the blanket next to Connor, close enough to lean on his shoulder.
Connor gives him a quick kiss on the forehead before moving to grab some of the food.
It was hot out — like usual — but there was a nice breeze, and the spot Connor picked was in some shade. So they sat there and ate some of the bread.
At some point Kevin ends up with his head in Connor's lap as the other man runs a hand through his hair.
"This is nice." He finds himself saying.
"Yeah, it is. I would like for us to spend time together like this more often."
Kevin is almost about to protest, but Connor doesn't let him get a word in. "But I know Kevin Jr. is just a duckling, and he needs a lot of supervision, especially since he's being taken care of by a human person instead of another duck. I just like spending time with you, and we don't get that much time together since I have to do paperwork and budgeting, and you have to take care of your son–"
"Our son." Kevin interjects.
Connor smiles. "Our son. So I don't know, I just would like for us to spend more time together."
"We can always try and switch rooms? I'm sure Arnold would understand, though it would mean that Chris would have to be okay living with Arnold. And if that didn't work out then we'd have to rearrange all the other rooms or something."
"Yes that is a lot of logistics. But I wouldn't mind figuring out the logistics if it meant more time with you."
"Even if it means Kevin Jr. has to live in the room too?"
Connor huffs a laugh, "Yes, Kev, even if Kevin Jr. has to live in the room too."
Kevin returns a wide grin before grabbing Connor's face and bringing him in for a really bad kiss. When they part it's because they can't stop giggling.
They stay like that for a while, enjoying each other's company and the sounds of nature.
"Have you sent your letter yet?"
The mood of the date has suddenly shifted, Kevin feels his shoulders tense. "No."
Connor gives him a questioning glance in response, not pushing him to talk, but in a way Kevin knows he can open up if he wanted to.
Kevin sits up from where he was laying and pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his head between them, "I've been trying to find the words to tell them in a way that won't break their hearts… It's not working." He sighs, "No matter how I phrase it… I just know they're going to either be disappointed or heartbroken, or both. Not to mention that aside from breaking the news of no longer wanting to be Mormon, I have to tell them I have a boyfriend too. And I have to figure out a way to get Kevin Jr. back into the states, I'm not leaving him behind." He feels the tears stinging against the corner of his eyes. He never used to be a crier…what changed?
Connor moves closer, his hand going to rub Kevin's back.
"I wanted to bring it up earlier but… when Zelder and Michaels came back from the mail run, you had a letter."
Kevin's head whips up at that, "What?"
"Your parents sent something. I didn't want to stress you out so I haven't said anything. But it doesn't feel right to not say something. I've had it for three days, you need it." Connor reaches into his back pocket and produces a slightly crumpled letter.
The words Kevin Price are written in his mom's neat handwriting. If she addressed it, his dad probably wrote it. They're weird about that.
Kevin takes the letter with shaking hands. "In the future…if I get a letter please let me know as soon as it happens?" He asks Connor, "I'd prefer to know."
Connor nods, "Of course, Kev. I'm sorry for withholding it from you, really."
Kevin gives him a small smile, "Its okay, I understand why you did it, so I'm not mad."
Connor rubs his back again, shifting a little bit closer. "Okay. I'm here for you if you want to open it now."
Kevin gives a nod, as he turns the letter over in his hand. When did they write this? It's been at least 6 months since he got here. Mail only comes around once a week. He can't bring himself to do the math. Instead he rips open the top of the letter.
The writing inside only takes up a small portion of the front side of the paper. He takes a deep breath before reading.
Kevin,
Your mother and I were informed of your mission being cancelled. We want to know why you haven't come home yet. The mission president told us that you would explain why, but it has been months and we haven't heard from you. We are sure that the cancelling of your mission is not your fault. You have always been a promising missionary and I'm sure Heavenly Father led you well. When you get this letter please tell us the reasoning behind your decision, or come home.
- Dad, Mom, Jack, Lilly, Marcus, Joseph
Okay, okay that's not too bad. No anger (that he can tell), no scolding, just confusion.
He thinks that hurts more.
Tears fall onto the paper. His hands shake harder as the letter wrinkles in his grip.
He leans onto Connor's shoulder.
"They don't seem angry…just confused." He huffs a laugh, thinking about when he said those words, months ago when him and Arnold arrived in Uganda.
"What…" Connor thinks, "What are you going to do?"
Kevin buries his head into Connor's neck, "I don't know…" he sighs, "I need to send a letter. I know I do. I'm just so scared of disappointing them that I keep throwing out anything that isn't perfect."
Connor runs his hands through Kevin's hair, "I know you want to write something perfect, but you have to remember, you aren't perfect. You're human, nothing you do is going to be perfect. You just have to get something onto paper, and then you have to send it out and deal with the consequences as they come. And obviously that's easier said than done, but its still something you have to do."
"When did you get so good at giving advice?" Kevin asks after a moment.
"I didn't become district leader for nothing. And I tend to give advice I need to follow as well. I… also need to write to my parents. They haven't written anything yet, but I know it's going to be rough once they do."
Kevin leans in to hug him. "Guess we're in this together."
"Yeah."
The two of them sat like that for a bit longer, enjoying each other's company, trying not to think too hard about the future.
Dear family,
You wanted to know why I haven't come home yet. I still have work to do here, the people here in Kitgali need help, help I can give. I'm not coming home until my mission is done. Not the mission given by the church, my mission.
I also want to let you all know, I will not be returning to the Church of Latter Day Saints. We can talk more in person, but my decision is final. You have two years to come to terms with this decision.
I'm sorry,
Kevin.
Mom,
I know the mission president already told you guys that we failed. I don't know why neither of you have written back, but that's not important. I'm staying for the two years I was allotted. When I come back, I'll be moving out as soon as possible.
I love you,
Connor
Kevin,
We will discuss this when you come home.
— Dad