Archive of Our Own

It’s the sun that wakes him up. That’s how he knows he’s in Switzerland. 

Hyunjin’s used to the loud sound of way too many alarms that pull him out of the comfort of his sleep after tiring schedules. In the past, grumbling under his breath and squinting his eyes that weren’t even open yet was met with the morning routine. He’s lucky he wasn’t the heaviest sleeper during his time of being an idol, but a rude awakening was a rude awakening nonetheless. 

He just can't believe he's at this part of his life now. 

It's funny. This, Stray Kids being over, living in the ‘later years’ as Changbin would always say, was something that Hyunjin would think of in the back of his mind. It wasn't like he was blind to it, no. Granted, there were lyrics in the songs they'd sing that would have words like that, such as ‘forever’, ‘always’, ‘staying’. And in a way, the guys still do mean it. But forever may not look like prancing around on a stage, having cameras shoved in your face, committing to diets, and waking up at ungodly hours. They would go until they couldn't, work hard until it no longer was the time, and give it their all as life would permit. And then, when the time came for the curtain to close, for the chapter in their youths to end, they'd be, well…where life took them next. 

And for Hyunjin, life wakes him up to the warm light of the sun, yellow hues shining through the beige curtains, illuminating the bedroom to make the walls look painted with gold, like those summer ‘90s beach houses he'd see commercials of when he was a kid. 

The sounds of distant church bells ring just a bit after, hollow, soft, waking. Hyunjin slowly sits up straight, taking a moment to breathe in deeply, eyes still closed as he feels warmth within. After a minute he then opens his eyes, stretching his long limbs, and a smile slips on his face without warning. 

He's here, isn't he? This is his life. He's finally where he's always wanted to go and planned for so long, the place where he and Felix agreed. 

The thought alone causes Hyunjin to turn his head, glancing at the view beside him. And although Hyunjin may have just woken up to the sun’s kiss and faint church bells that touch his soul, what's right in front of him causes his heart to trap butterflies. 

It's nothing Hyunjin hasn't seen before, a sleeping Felix next to him (and if he’s lucky, he hopes that he can see this view for the rest of his life), but Hyunjin can't help but have such a thankfulness in his heart when he sees him- beautiful lashes, beautiful freckles, beautiful fluffy blonde hair, beautiful nose, beautiful cupid bow’s lips, beautiful form, everything about him is just beautiful. Hyunjin never gets tired of the way his heart questions if this is real every time he looks at him. 

The angel theory that hasn't left Hyunjin’s mind since first meeting the other boy, grows stronger and stronger each day. It's present in how he looks, so ethereal and doe-eyed and completely and perfectly unreal, but also in the way he acts, with kindness and love shared with all those Hyunjin wouldn't even consider. But when it's not any of these things, it's when he's sleeping. 

If Hyunjin doesn't stop staring, it won't be long before he scrambles to find a pencil and some paper and start sketching. It's a bit crazy, but it's when Felix is sleeping and when Hyunjin gets moments like these to wake up earlier than him and just admire, he sometimes imagines wings on his back. He's drawn that image before, loose drawings of a sleeping Felix- his Felix, curled up, soft, and with wings that cover him, surrounding him. Keeping him safe from any and all wrongs and evils of the world. He draws a halo too, the brightest with golden glitters crowning his head, a relic of beauty that nothing earthly could compare to. The heavenly elements that disappear when he wakes up, but are so alive when he sleeps. 

In his early years, Hyunjin always tried to catch Felix the angel while he slept, but after a while, high demands of schedule and common sense didn't allow him the chance. He felt like a kid staying up late waiting for Santa. That's how he resorted to drawings and sketches, or even a painting of said angel!Felix that he needs to continue before his birthday in the fall. 

Right now, although Hyunjin can truly stop and stare down at his boyfriend for hours, he needs to get up and take advantage of the morning sun. That’s what the plan was anyway, when they arrived in their gorgeous AirBnb last night.

“I’m going to try and wake up early tomorrow,” Hyunjin had said, pulling himself under the covers. It didn’t even take a second for him to land on the bed before Felix had curled into him, arm wrapped his torso, leg entwined against his thigh, face buried in his chest. 

“Gonna catch the sunrise?” Felix asked, the slur of sleep coming over him. 

Hyunjin drew him closer, resting his cheek over Felix’s hair. “I’ll try.” 

“Mm.” Felix hummed, reaching down to take Hyunjin’s hand to hold, as if they weren’t close enough, as if the fingertips were lifelines that Hyunjin admittedly prided on. 

“Well, if I’m still sleeping, wake me up too. We can grab breakfast and have it in bed and pretend we're newlyweds.” Felix said, raising his head slightly to meet Hyunjin’s gaze. From that angle and how close they’re pressed together, Hyunjin could only see his eyes glimmer and further imagine the cheeky smile on the younger’s beautiful face. 

Now, the morning hits, and Hyunjin looks at where Felix is still resting. It’s not that they had an agreement on a specific time, but when Hyunjin looks outside and finds birds soaring by the clouds, he concurs in his mind that it’s early. It’s quiet too, the summer breeze made them go to sleep with the windows slightly open, and the only thing that can be heard is birds and an occasional whirring of tires on the pavement that drives past every once in a while. Zurich doesn’t seem to be awake yet, and as Hyunjin looks back at Felix, he realizes that he doesn’t want to wake up his prince either. 

Felix is so peaceful like this in a state where vacation should be, having no means of scurrying, and even though he may have wanted it last night, Hyunjin tells himself that he’ll quickly go outside, get the breakfast and morning air he needs, and then come right back to have breakfast with him. 

Hyunjin leans forward, slowly, carefully, cautious, and takes his index finger to brush away the tops of strands of hair that cover the side of Felix’s forehead. His heart skips a beat and he lingers, just for a few seconds, to once again look at him, beauty in the flesh, freckles and charm points on display. He leans in close, making sure not to hold Felix, but has his lips brush over his forehead in a light kiss before he pulls away, slowly getting up from the bed. 

Felix stirs, his brows furrowed with the cold of absence of Hyunjin’s body no doubt, but the sleep carries him so much that he only turns, rolling over to his side so his back faces Hyunjin now. His knees tuck themselves in and Hyunjin holds back an awed reaction of cuteness-aggression and smiles at the sight. Hyunjin stands up now, scanning the ground for discarded clothes of their spent night and grabs his jeans near the foot of the bed. Or maybe it's Felix’s jeans, Hyunjin doesn't thoroughly check. 

He walks over to the suitcases stacked together near the nightstand and squats down, pulling the zipper so slowly in hopes that nothing wakes up his boyfriend. Every so often Hyunjin perks his head up, squinting his eyes to check if Felix has moved, but the slow rising and falling of his chest places an ease (and awe) back in Hyunjin’s heart as he ducks his head back down, opening the suitcase to find a shirt. 

It was hot last night when they first arrived in Switzerland and Hyunjin’s sure that the temperature hasn’t cooled down in the span of a few hours, so he takes a plain white t-shirt and then heads to the bathroom. He washes the sleep out of his face and brushes his teeth before turning the water on, making a silent prayer in his head that the noise doesn’t resound beyond the thin walls of the bathroom and into the bedroom where Felix is sleeping. He doesn’t want to wake him up yet- not when the hour is still peaceful. 

The shower doesn’t take long, and Hyunjin wipes down his hair with a towel, scrunching the strands. He’d run a hair dryer but that would indeed wake up Felix and Hyunjin doesn’t want to take the risk. Besides, his damp head gives a freshness that wakes him up, and Hyunjin’s sure that as soon as he steps out into the sun, his hair will dry fast. He does his skin care, very attentive to the products that he hopes will help with break outs and then puts a star pimple patch on the area just by his jawline. Force of habit when being an idol for so long, he supposes. But at least Hyunjin has gone past the point of feeling like an imposter without makeup. 

Some mornings, like this one, has Hyunjin just dotted in skin care and then he leaves the humid bathroom in confidence, knowing that he’ll be outside in the public eye without any makeup on. It’s freeing in those soft moments, where Hyunjin can actually decide what he wants to do. When the moment calls for it, he gets Felix to help him, mainly with something for the eyes and for his cheekbones to pop, but other than that, all of the love for creative art and design has gone all to his nail art and nothing more. Even then, Hyunjin suddenly remembers, he has to touch up on some nails soon, as the black polish chips at the edges.

Oh, how beautiful it is to have time to do the things you love unrushed. 

Hyunjin goes back into the bedroom moving carefully, and opens his phone to check the tab he last opened before sleeping last night. There’s a cafe that’s about a ten minute walk from where they’re staying and it’s small and appealing enough that prompts Hyunjin to want to discover and get breakfast. The one thing he’s a bit anxious of is the ordering as the pictures shown on the website appear to be more of a traditional cafe than a modern tech with kiosks, but he’ll try his best. In all of the places they’ve been touring in Europe, it’s been very unlikely that people don’t have some knowledge of English. Whether it be with open arms or a side eye, Hyunjin admits that countries welcome tourists all the time. 

Besides, now that he’s in Switzerland, now that he’s in the place he’s always dreamed of, it’s a bit whimsical but Hyunjin really wants to experience everything: The high ends and low ends, the alley cats and the mountains, the sun and rain, the baked goods and wine. 

And he wants it all to be perfect for Felix too. 

Though he’s always wanted to come to Switzerland as well, Hyunjin does recognize that the dream has been more his than Felix’s. It’s not that Felix will be bored with nothing to do, not that, but it does add this level of needing to impress him anyway, since they’ve stepped into soil that Hyunjin has always dreamed of. It’s a desire that’s pulled at him, that Hyunjin wants to take care of everything and just let Felix’s only job for the week to enjoy it all. 

Hyunjin checks the time and does a quick nod to himself when he sees it’s now 7:12am. The cafe just opened 11 minutes ago and so he figures he needs to move now. The plan isn’t to stay for very long, but just there enough to have the sunlit morning with coffee and a view so beautiful that no picture review online could replicate.

Hyunjin glances at the bed once more, and thinks. Should Felix have any reason to wake up and Hyunjin not be there is a scary thing to think about so he knows that he has to leave a message with him to let him know where he’s at. An idea comes to his head, then. It’s a bit corny, but while they’re here in Switzerland, he feels a sudden ‘main character moment’ in the air.  

There’s a notepad and pen on the nightstand that’s usually left for guests after their stay to leave behind for the cleaners. Whether it’s a thank you note, or something they could do to improve for next time, Hyunjin has seen this in some countries. Right now, he reaches over and clicks the pen, deciding to choose the extreme of leaving a note for Felix to find instead of just the standard text. They’re here right now, in the place that they’ve always wanted to go, so…why not make it a bit more romantically old-fashioned? 

Hyunjin starts to write. 

Angel, 

If you’re already up and wondering where I am, I went to get breakfast. Vacations are meant for you to sleep as long as you need and rest. 

Don’t worry about anything- hyung will take care of everything. 

Jinnie ♡

Hyunjin feels a slight heat on his face as he looks back at the letter. He’s officially gone, even though it’s not really a surprise to anyone. But with the atmosphere and where they are, and Felix, can anyone blame him? Would no one truly be affected if he woke up to this? The day hasn’t even started yet and Hyunjin is sure this has been his favorite part. 

Hyunjin looks back at Felix, a faint smile on his face before he turns back to the note, leaning forward and clicking on the pen once more. He chooses to write without thinking of it, without regretting the choice of becoming a sap that leaves their lover notes in the Grand Alps. 

(P.S- you look beautiful when you sleep)

Hyunjin leaves the note there and covers his face with his hands for a second, feeling suddenly hot and flushed. He is a certified loverboy, too far gone for anyone to save. But it’s inevitable when it’s Felix. How could he not be? 

He eventually lowers his hands away from his face, pushing his hair back and fanning his face for a second before turning and back, grabbing his small tote bag. Inside he doesn’t take much, but it does contain his wallet, a notebook, a pen, and a mini camera just in case. 

The weather outside is gorgeous. The walk itself is ten minutes, but it takes a longer time for Hyunjin just because he stops occasionally to marvel at something. Whether it's flowers growing by a bush, or several birds high in the sky, Hyunjin feels like he’s stepped into a different world. He’s one of the only few people in the main road, and at one point he finds himself smiling so much that his arms are outstretched and then swinging. He’s sure that if anyone were to see him they’d roll their eyes and mutter ‘tourist’, but it’s all just so beautiful that he couldn’t really care.

The cafe is on the end of a street, next to a few more antique shops that haven’t opened yet, but Hyunjin makes a mental note to check them out later in the day. When Hyunjin steps inside, he’s floored with the interior of cooler tones, slightly different and newer than what he had seen on his phone. The walls are a shade of iron grey, against it are designed lines that others would probably find murky, but with the light on it, it somehow brings a whole ambience that makes Hyunjin wonder if maybe that’s the point. Maybe there has to be some form of darkness that allows for the appreciation of the sun. The main tables in the middle of the cafe are long, chairs for eight, while the other isolated smaller tables by the windows are for two. 

There’s no one else, as it’s just opened, and a woman behind the cash counter is still rearranging and dust wipe-mopping by her station. The cafe plays soft jazzy piano instrumental overhead and Hyunjin notices that there are actually kiosks set up and he inwardly sighs of relief. There must have been new renovations and they didn’t update the website. 

Hyunjin stands for a second, looking at the woman, and then the kiosks, blankly. Normally, when overseas, if it’s busy, he’d go to one of the machines and order from there. He and the lady are the only two people in the cafe right now, and Hyunjin would probably feel bad for rejecting her services, but when he looks over at her once more, she’s still concentrated in her cleaning. So he walks over to the machines. 

By now, Hyunjin’s sure that the woman has seen him. He doesn’t want to startle her, but when he presses the start button, the kiosk greets him in a loud robotic voice, causing him to jump. He looks over at the woman now, giving a sheepish smile, but she just smiles. 

“Good morning!” She says brightly. 

Hyunjin pushes the hair strands that managed to cover his eyes and then laughs a little, embarrassed. “Ah, hi. Good morning.” 

He turns to the kiosk then and examines the menu. He can pick up pictures and catch some English words, but before he goes to press on any button, the woman calls out once more.

“Do you want to order here? I can serve you.” She says, and then Hyunjin laughs because it does make a lot more sense to give the woman something to do instead of ordering by a machine. He walks over with a smile, running fingers through his hair as he looks at the Menu Board behind her. 

“Sorry, I’m just still looking.” He apologizes, placing a hand to his lip as he contemplates. 

“Take your time.” The woman smiles as though it's no rush in the world as she goes back to cleaning. It's as she goes back to her tasks does Hyunjin realize that their interaction just now was in English. It relieves a tension he has, and he looks at the Menu Board with keen interest.

He thinks for himself and Felix, scanning with his eyes what to order for a light yet filling breakfast. Something calm they can have maybe in bed, or, since the weather's so nice, maybe by the porch overlooking the pool. Whatever Felix wants.

Hyunjin eyes the coffees first, just a default reaction whenever he's at a cafe, and then points towards the screen.

“I think I'm ready to order now.” He says, causing the woman to look up. She smiles and gently sets her dust mop down before walking over to the cash counter and taps at the POS monitor. 

“Okay, and what will it be today?” She smiles warmly.

“Can I have one Kafi-Crème, and…” Hyunjin’s voice trails off as he leans forward slightly, looking up at the picture of what looks like macarons. “Sorry, that one? Vanilla pastry?” 

The lady looks behind her shoulder for a second and then smiles. “Luxemburgurli? They're like macarons.”

Hyunjin nods, a shy smile on his face. “Yes, that one, yes.” 

“Just one?” 

“Um…two?” 

“Of course.” 

The woman is patient with Hyunjin and he's grateful as he continues to look at the menu board. He knows that his plan is to probably have the coffee here, and sit with it for a bit, but the rest of the real breakfast items will be brought back to-go so that he can have breakfast with Felix. 

Hyunjin spills all of his apologies for the impromptu decision of ordering just the two pastries and coffee to sit with, and then he’ll reorder for when he has to go so that the food is still hot,, but the woman just laughs and says that it’s okay and he isn’t rushing anyone. 

It’s calm as Hyunjin goes to sit down at a small table by the window, and his first instinct is to grab his camera and take a few pictures of the view. From here, to a normal person, an open street where shop owners are getting everything prepared isn’t as beautifully stricken, but for Hyunjin who finds aesthetics in anything, he snaps away, angling his camera and zeroing in on the lens. 

It’s how people live their lives candidly that gives Hyunjin the lasting impression. Back with Stray Kids when they used to tour around the world, Hyunjin would find himself simply content with a lazy ‘people-watching’ filled afternoon over sight seeing. Although the sights were exciting, embracing the culture of a normal day for a citizen would subconsciously prompt him to daydream how he would be in the future, life after the stage.

Would he be like the man from the Antique shop across the street, sweeping by the front door and cleaning the welcome sign? Would he be like this lady working at a cafe? Would he walk the streets freely, hand-in-hand with his lover who he’d secure a future with? 

Hyunjin takes a few more snapshots before he finishes, content with his findings in rare moving images of daily life, the things that people don’t consider photograph-worthy. With a smile, Hyunjin then fishes in his bag for his notebook and pen. He’s been trying to overcome his goal of journal writing, a skill that Seungmin had taught him years ago. Back then, Hyunjin would simply say that there was no time, or if he would, it’d be a little bit of a habit before he broke it after a week. 

Now, Hyunjin wishes he would have journaled more back then; they were undoubtedly some of the best years of his life. He takes a deep breath as he glances down at the open blank pages on the table in front of him, and begins to write whatever comes to him.

Switzerland Vacation- Day 1  (7:26am) 

We came to Zurich last night, and so this morning is the first sun I get to wake up to for the week.  

I am falling in love with how simple everything is here. Of course, it’s early, and most of the city hasn’t woken up yet, and there are still activities that Yongbok and I are going to do throughout the week that we have. I’m so happy that I’m here, and at the same time, I want to do this place justice, since this was somewhere I’ve always wanted to go to since Stray Kids.

I keep thinking about Felix (nothing new, obviously). I just want this week to be perfect for him. He told me he didn’t care what we’d do this week, but I want to take him everywhere, and do anything and everything I can to make him happy. I’m already so lucky to have him. It still doesn’t feel real, and in some ways, it feels like being with him for the first time all over again. 

Minho-hyung said something about that- going somewhere far and beautiful with your significant other that makes you feel more and more in love. I didn’t know what he meant, but I get that now. 

I’m so in love with him. 

The coffee and pastries come shortly, and Hyunjin spends a bit more time to himself, being able to breathe as he’s still the only one in the cafe. He writes a bit more, and somehow his journal trails more towards Felix than he had planned, but it’s definitely the imprint of his mind. He’s always thinking about him. 

The coffee is hot and rich, and the pastries are layered and sweet, and when Hyunjin's done, he quickly finishes everything just as people start to pile up. It’s incredibly good timing, just as he’s finishing up that more people come inside. It’s mainly the elderly, and they all gather and take tables as though it’s been assigned to them. Many conversations are in the air, and for a second Hyunjin just stops and stares, smiling faintly. Living like this is such a gift. 

Hyunjin goes back to the cash counter and orders butter blueberry pancakes, cherry bread cake and an orange juice for Felix and him to go. It’s a lot of food, and Hyunjin slightly feels bad that his to-go boxes have to be placed in a leftover shopping bag that he’s sure goes against cafe custom, but the lady wishes for him to have a good day with such a big smile on her face that it’s enough to make Hyunjin plan to come back here with Felix the next day. 

His walk back is filled with happiness, his heart filled to the brim with gratitude. Hyunjin’s not sure what the rest of the morning will look like if Felix is still sleeping, but he'll make sure that his breakfast is ready to have with him whenever his angel wakes up. 

To his surprise however, when he gets back to their house and unlocks the door, he hears a morning show being played in the living room. Hyunjin’s brows furrow as he takes his shoes off and slips into his sandals before he walks down the hallway. When he gets to the living room, he sees Felix sitting down on the couch, facing the TV with widening-eyes, engrossed in whatever program is playing. 

Hyunjin stands by the entrance surprised- not just to see Felix awake, but that he looks like he’s been up for hours, prettily dressed in one of Hyunjin’s jersey shirts, and light blue jeans. His hair is tied up in a half-down half-up bun, and next to him on the couch is an LV fanny pack which looks like he’s ready to go out at any given moment. 

Hyunjin sets his bag down on the coffee table in front of him, giving a soft smile. “Angel,” 

That’s when Felix looks up at him, not when Hyunjin lingers by the doorway in full view. But when their eyes lock, instead of his usual warm greeting, Felix raises one eyebrow and looks back at the TV, folding his arms. 

“Welcome home, cheater.” 

Hyunjin blinks for a few seconds, and before he can stop himself he splutters out a laugh. “Baby.” 

“Was it fun? Did you have fun getting breakfast without me?” Felix sits up straighter in his seat, moving his fanny pack so it's on his lap, almost like he subconsciously makes way for Hyunjin to sit even if while he speaks his tone is playfully accusatory. 

Hyunjin shakes his head, an embarrassed smile on his face as he goes to sit down next to Felix. “Hey, don't do that, I wanted to wake you, but…you looked so peaceful. I couldn't do it. Vacations are meant for you to sleep in.” 

“Hm.” 

He’s so cute like this. Playfully defiant, testy, upset the way he does when his stomach hasn't been fed in the morning. Just like a proper kitten. 

Hyunjin laughs, his arm naturally wraps around the couch head as he sits down. It's inviting for Felix to occupy the space and lean into him, and Felix does so, even when he's faux upset. 

“I'm sorry, Bokkie. We can get breakfast together tomorrow morning.” Hyunjin offers, though Felix squirms against his arm, shifting in his seat so that he's angled to face him.

“No, I'll get breakfast tomorrow morning. You wake up alone and wonder what happened to me.” He sasses, pointing a finger to Hyunjin’s chest.

Hyunjin laughs, reaching over to bring Felix close, taking his hand and placing it on his lap to hold it there. Felix doesn't fight against it, but turns his head so he's not looking at him.

“I left you a note!” 

“Mhm. Romantic, I’m sure.”

Felix’s sarcastic tone makes Hyunjin laugh as he leans forward in his seat so he can reach out and take the to-go bag with his free hand.

“Did you get it?” 

“I got it, yeah.” A beat passes and Hyunjin can feel Felix’s stare as he gets the to-go box ready. Between the rustling of the bag and his boyfriend’s even lower voice in the morning, Hyunjin hears something muttered from Felix but doesn't know what. He stops his movements and turns his head to look at Felix.

“Wait, what did you say, my love?” 

Felix looks down, a look on his face Hyunjin can recognize as shy.

“I said I don't look beautiful when I sleep.” He mutters, avoiding eye contact. 

Hyunjin smiles faintly for a second as he shakes his head. 

“Do you know that it's been years and I still stare at you when you're sleeping just thinking that if I stare long enough your halo and wings will eventually pop out? You're a vision in white, baby.” 

Felix shakes his head quickly, a slow smile spreading on his face as he lets go of Hyunjin's hand. “Stop. I'm still mad at you.” He says, putting on a pout as he folds his arms, tilting his head up in the opposite direction.

“I’ll consider forgiving you after I steal all the breakfast from your plate.” Felix adds, glancing at Hyunjin over his shoulder once before turning back like a kid who's holding a grudge in their friend at recess time.

Hyunjin stares at Felix, his gaze soft. There's a whoosh in his ears, his heart pounding through his chest, ramming through his ribs like a captive that wants out. In a way, it's not completely far off, as Hyunjin’s heart was stolen by Felix since the day he came back from being eliminated and smiled at him so big and bright, eyes full of hope that Hyunjin knew right then and there he'd be in trouble. 

But right now, he feels different. Alarmed. Like there's a pressure in his chest, something deep inside him voicing out something. Is it fear? Conviction, maybe? Hyunjin feels overtaken by emotion as he watches Felix’s stubborn yet cute side this morning.

Something hits him. It's a revelation as clear as the sun in the sky, as true as his name.

I want to marry you.

Felix blinks at the silence, shifting in his seat and when he looks back at Hyunjin, there's a flicker of curiosity in his eyes. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” Hyunjin replies fast, pushing down his jumpy thoughts and racy heart.

He looks at the bag still in his hand and the idea passes through his head. He suddenly remembers the picnic rug that they packed for an occasional like this, a lazy morning where they can have breakfast indoors. But since the weather is really nice, they could just do what Hyunjin was thinking of back at the cafe and just step outside and eat by the porch. 

“You want to eat here or on the porch?” Hyunjin asks, glancing over at Felix for a second.

Felix looks up at the ceiling and hums, not saying anything as he thinks for a few seconds. His shoulders raise up and then flops back down in a light shrug. “Wherever. The porch, I guess. It's nice out?” 

Hyunjin throws a smile in his direction as he starts to stand up. “Yeah, it’s nice. We can have a little breakfast picnic.” 

“Fine.” Felix follows-suit and gets up, rubbing the back of his jeans. He rushes to hold the door for Hyunjin as his hands are full, but scowls when Hyunjin thanks him and steps out into the sun. 

It's cute, the mood Felix gets whenever he isn’t fed. It's never too serious, because apparently it's enough for Hyunjin to think seriously about a future with him.

“I’ll get the rug?” Felix offers, his hand still on the door, holding it slightly open. 

Hyunjin glances over his shoulder at him as he places the bag down on the bench. “Sure, it should be…” he pauses, trying to envision where he last packed the checkered picnic rug. “Check the blue bag by my side of the bed.” 

“Okay.” 

Felix goes back inside, dashing swiftly and Hyunjin wills himself not to stare into the ground as though pixie dust will appear. It probably does- Hyunjin sees it in his mind’s eye. 

The waterfront by them is still but thankfully sparkly and blue and when Hyunjin takes a deep breath in, that freshness of water gives a peace that washes away anything fast-paced thoughts of usual life. They're vacationing now, it's the perfect time to just slow down and let whatever happens happen. 

It doesn't take long for Felix to come back with one hand carrying the rug, while the other hand has paper plates that he got from the kitchen. Hyunjin takes the rug from him and then places it gently on the ground before he gathers the breakfast bag and sets it down intricately. 

From where they sit, the sun falls on Felix’s hair like a gentle golden glow, and when Hyunjin sits across from him, he can't help but gape. 

“Whaaaaaaat?” Felix whines, taking one hand to cover his face, a small hint of pink flushes his cheeks. 

“You're gorgeous.” The words spill out before Hyunjin can even stop it. “So pretty.” 

Felix chuckles, pushing strands of hair from his face as he peers into the bag. “The only thing I am is starving. What'd you get?” 

The mere mention of food causes Hyunjin to snap out of it, and he clears his throat, turning to the bag. He unpacks what's there and places the to-go boxes in the middle of the carpet. Opening each of the boxes, Hyunjin spots Felix’s eyes on the food in curiosity. 

“This looks good,” Felix scoots forward to the pancake. Hyunjin moves first, taking the pancake and putting it on the plate and he serves it to Felix. The pancakes are really round and full and although there are four of them, Hyunjin’s sure he’ll only need one for today and have a full stomach.

Felix smiles when he takes the plate and fork that Hyunjin hands him. “Thank you for the meal!” he says his grace, a little rushed as he goes to take the first bite.

Hyunjin watches Felix with a smile. He doesn't want to start eating without the first review. 

Felix chews for a few seconds before his eyes widen and he stops completely, looking over at Hyunjin. 

"Whoa." 

"It's good?" Hyunjin asks, watching every element of Felix's face with each bite chewed. 

Felix's eyes widen as he licks his lips. "You have to try it. You can taste the blueberry in it, but the pancake is really soft and eggy, but it also has a good crisp to it too." 

Hyunjin nods, taking in everything Felix says as he reaches over and puts a pancake on his plate. He takes a bite of it, chewing slowly as the flavor swirls in his mouth. It's fluffy, as Felix says, but with the blueberry, there's a sweetness to it as well. 

"Oh, it's sweet." Hyunjin says. 

Felix beams. "It is sweet, it's really good." 

It is really good. It's more of a dessert than a proper breakfast if Hyunjin is completely honest, but Felix loves it and Hyunjin can't stop the smile that draws on his face with each satisfied hum his boyfriend makes after each bite. 

A bit of time passes, and although Felix is nowhere near done with his pancake, he rubs flour off his hands and leans forward to another to-go box, pointing. "What's that one?" 

Hyunjin looks across the spread items on the carpet until he points himself. “This one? Oh, the lady at cash told me it's like...pudding almost? But with cherries inside. It's a long name, I took a picture of it, one second…” 

Hyunjin takes out his phone and goes to his recents on his camera roll, leaning forward to show the picture of the Menu that the woman graciously said Hyunjin could take. Felix peers at his screen, squinting. 

“Oh, Basler….Kirs…chen…brot..torte. Basler…Krischen…brottorte…Kirscenbrottorte. Basler Kirscenbrottorte?” 

Felix looks up at Hyunjin with a questioning gaze, but Hyunjin shrugs. He’s not in the place to confirm or deny whether or not the pronunciation was spot on, but he wouldn't be surprised if it was. His boyfriend has a knack for languages. 

“Do you want to try this one?” Hyunjin asks. “Maybe not all of it, we can save it-” 

“-for dessert tonight, yeah. I just want to take one bite.” Felix grins as he sits up straighter, the flash of his pearly whites shining. 

It really does take eating for Hyunjin’s happiness in human form to come back. 

Hyunjin takes out his fork and then takes a piece carefully, and Felix claps animatedly when the piece is able to break through, now a part of Hyunjin’s fork. Hyunjin raises the piece in the air towards Felix, and he automatically leans in, mouth open, going for a bite. 

Hyunjin has his other hand out just under Felix’s chin in case of spare crumbs, and then they both pull away when Felix captures the piece with his mouth, chewing slowly. 

“How is it?” Hyunjin asks as he lowers his fork on his plate. 

“Mmm,” Felix hums once before his eyes blink wide open, and a smile draws on his face as he looks down at the cake. “Mmm! Wait, hold on, that’s so good.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, try it.” Before Hyunjin can do anything, Felix reaches for the fork by Hyunjin’s plate and slices a piece out of the bread before he picks it up with his fork and reaches out, feeding Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin eats the bite, chews and then slowly nods. Another explosiveness of sweetness but the cherries really make it all complete. 

“That's good.” He says. “The lady said you can have this with coffee or tea. I’ll have some with coffee later.” 

Felix nods, going back to his pancake and it's so cute seeing him just try to keep up with everything. He reaches for the orange juice that's there and uncaps it, taking a large sip. 

“Oh, the oranges around here taste different.” He comments, and Hyunjin giggles, the cuteness-aggression in him not suppressing for a minute. 

"Why is Yongbok so cute?” Hyunjin asks, under his breath. It's a question he's thought of and asked himself so much throughout the years, and it's safe to say after so much time spent with him and being with him, still Hyunjin doesn't know.

They continue eating after that, and Hyunjin spends time asking Felix questions. Some of them are really basic and are probably surprising that an in-love couple should ask, but Hyunjin never wants to stop learning about his man.

“Do you prefer cooler mornings like this and then the weather warms up throughout the day, or do you like just fully hot days and then the night is cooler?” Hyunjin asks.

“Um…” Felix reaches for a napkin. “When I was a kid, back in Australia, the days would be so hot. So then after school, me and my friends-we'd just go to the beach. And we'd be in the water all the time. I was just surfing a lot, sometimes for the whole day, like…if I didn't have any homework or anything that would remind me of home, I could be at the beach for hours. Then, going back home- like, if I was to go home when the sun would set, I'd go get ice cream. It's not like the weather fully cooled down, it was still hot, but, ice cream after surfing was always like a refreshed cooling time anyway, so yeah. I'd probably say hotter days and then cooler nights.” 

Hyunjin can't help but smile when he talks like this, reminiscent and smiley. Two things go in Hyunjin’s head whenever Felix shares stories of his childhood. The first is a sadder emotion, because Australia sounds so very past to him, the place of his childhood and adolescence. Where Hyunjin has had all the time to grow up with his friends and family even throughout his career, Felix had to leave home in doing so, adapting to new cultures. 

But the other emotion that Hyunjin has is gratitude. He's grateful that somehow, someway beyond his own control, he can hear stories about that kid and think that he's now his boyfriend. That somehow they met and fell in love and the kid who would surf until sunset is the very same who he's with right now, someone his heart treasures very much. 

As they continue eating, Hyunjin keeps going with his questions of upbringings and stories as though this is their first date. He just doesn't want to lose the feeling of falling in love with Felix, never wanting to treat it as something he has to do, but what he gets to do. A privilege. A purpose. 

I want to study you as seriously as subjects I did in school. I want to learn you inside out. I want to pass every class with a knowledge of you so strong and even then I want to know more. I want to be more for you- all of myself I want to give you if you'll let me.

And that revelation that hit once hit him suddenly rushes again, like a gentle whisper between the wind. 

I want to marry you. 

☾⋆⁺₊✧

In the afternoon, Hyunjin and Felix take a walk, going to the hub of the town for some sightseeing and shopping. There’s not really a huge plan, even though Hyunjin does want to check the antique shop that’s right next to the cafe he went to to get breakfast. Atop of that, he does loosely mention the Kunsthaus Zürich Museum that's nearby which he wants to check out at some point. But they could either check it out later or for another day, Hyunjin doesn't mind. He just likes being here with his boyfriend.

The two of them walk together, heading over to the antique shop and as Felix walks with him, he takes his hand and swings it as he looks around. 

“We need to get photos over there.” He says, craning his neck slightly to look behind him. Hyunjin furrows his eyebrows. 

“Where?” 

“By the flags, duh.” Felix gently bumps his shoulder against Hyunjin’s. “It’ll look nice.” 

Hyunjin smiles as they head towards the shop. “Whatever you want, baby.” 

There’s pieces of furniture that spill out just outside the door, not even inside yet. There's a maroon-colored chair, a mirror that leans against it, a table that’s set with another two chairs by it, and an 18 x 24 picture frame is on the table with flowers embroidered around the edges. Hyunjin takes a moment to look around the items for a bit before he eventually goes in with Felix right behind him. 

The shop has a few customers looking around the place, and the man that Hyunjin saw opening his shop in the morning is currently talking to somebody, holding a lamp in his hand as the person nods along to what he’s saying. 

Hyunjin walks further inside and in the corner of his eye he sees Felix go straight to the figurine aisle. His arms are folded as he stares, and Hyunjin walks over to see what he’s looking at. Felix points to one of them and laughs. 

“Changbin-hyung.” 

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow as he takes a step forward. The figurine is a small pig but with ears that are genuinely pointed upwards it looks like a pig-rabbit. Hyunjin smiles. 

“Wow. Seo Changbin, what are you doing here?” 

Felix laughs, reaching out to pick it up. “I’m gonna get it for him.” 

“Okay.” 

They do a bit more shopping, taking a few figurines (Hyunjin absolutely has to grab the angel one he saw, Felix has to grab the one where two birds are perched on a crescent moon), and a picture frame just in case. Hyunjin doesn’t know what use he’ll have for it right now, but when it’s the end of the week and they’re back, he’ll bring it back with him to his place. 

Shopping like this in a way is domestic, even though as of right now Hyunjin and Felix don’t officially live together, but Felix is at Hyunjin’s place every so often when he’s in the area. He lives back and forth between Seoul and France, as there's been so much of his work, self-designing, and placements in France. 

It surprised Hyunjin for Felix to choose France and Seoul as his home, as his first fear was that when the group was over, Felix would fly on the first flight to Australia and not look back. And he did for the first few months being with family and all of that. Yet both him and Chan treated Australia more like a vacation spot than a permanent rest, whether they wanted to or not. Soon, Felix had work calls and opportunities overseas with Louis Vuitton and his own designing that he wanted to really indulge in, and so he made the investment on having a place there to live in. For the first year, work was all Felix did until he eventually stayed overseas. 

By the time Hyunjin completed his military service, every time Felix was back in Seoul, he would stay at Hyunjin’s place. They’d been really dating with intention then, even though they were always together in the group, this season was with the freedom of being able to without the company breathing down their backs. The long distance wasn’t the biggest hurdle for them, only because they knew they could love freely then. Of course there were bad days as there were good, but with trust and an unfailing love, they were able to have a steady rhythm. With the work that Felix does now, he’s able to be in more remotely and stay with Hyunjin more. 

But they’ve just haven’t had a proper vacation since the group’s disband, much to everyone’s surprise. Sure, within the first few months when Felix went to Australia for family, and Hyunjin had had some solo Europe trips, but since then, they've always had this fire of still having things they've always wanted to do between art commissions, solo music, fashion, and choreography instructing. 

The Swiss vacation was something Hyunjin and Felix had well-wished for months, but actually planned once they realized that this summer there was the opening for it. As the both of them had the same week off, and they booked the flight without any real thoughts to it. 

Who would’ve thought? An impromptu decision, questions thrown back and forth via text that consisted of ‘should we actually do it?’, leads them right here in the bountiful streets of Zurich. 

They continue street shopping, going through the different food markets, clothing stores, and when they’re done, Felix is all but skipping into the open streets. He smiles when reaching the area where the Switzerland flags are posted and he throws a smile over his shoulder at Hyunjin who carries his shopping bags. 

“Photos!” Felix exclaims excitedly, not caring about whoever’s looking. And honestly? Even with the smells of pastries in the air or the sight of children running and laughing or the live music that fills the streets, seeing Felix in this way is more precious than anything to behold. 

Hyunjin sets down the bags by his feet and gets his phone out. “Let me take pictures of you first?” He asks, though he’s already going to his camera feature. Felix stops skipping and faces Hyunjin, holding up two peace signs by the sides of his face and he shuts his eyes closed and gives a toothy smile. Hyunjin laughs, taking as many photos as he can, hearting them when he does. 

“Okay, do one facing the flags, just looking up…perfect….okay, now look down…yes…beautiful…look to that side, to your right….yes…Lix-ah, you’re an angel.” 

Felix rushes over to where Hyunjin is and leans in to look at all of the pictures on his camera. “Oh, I love it. Wow. You're so good at taking pictures.” 

Hyunjin smiles, a hint of pride in his chest once again. He doesn't like to be prideful, but anytime he gets compliments for the littlest things, he can't help but feel an assurance that maybe in some areas he does well. 

Felix drags on his arm. “Okay, let me take photos of you. I want to do it on film, though.” 

“Hey, not fair! I didn't take you on film.” 

“You can take more after.” 

“But-”

“Go stand under the flags!” Felix encourages, already taking out his film camera from his bag. 

Hyunjin has a love-hate relationship with getting his picture taken. If it's for certain photoshoots and what he has to do for work, it ends up being fun, but when it's casual like this, sometimes he doesn't know what to do. If it were up to him, he'd take pictures of anyone and anything but himself. There's something about people in their element that he cares about and wants to capture. 

There's something about Felix that makes Hyunjin want to give and not take. 

“Oooh! You look good! Stay right there, look up? Yass….” 

Felix takes a few more photos and only stops when Hyunjin bursts out laughing and tells him to. Then Hyunjin jogs back to where Felix is and looks at the results, pausing at the realization.

Felix takes all of the photos of Hyunjin where he poses how he wants him to, but he also takes the ones where Hyunjin’s fully laughing and Hyunjin finds himself smiling without realizing it. 

“Wow.” 

“You look so beautiful like this.” Felix mutters, going through more photos. “Happy.” 

“I'm happiest when I'm with you.” Hyunjin answers, reaching over to squeeze his arm. The moment doesn't last long, as Felix flicks to a photo where Hyunjin’s in the middle of talking with his mouth open and eyebrows furrowed and they both laugh. 

“Delete that one!” Hyunjin yells in English. 

“Okay, okay.” Felix laughs, deleting the picture. 

When they go through all of the photos, Hyunjin turns to Felix. “We should take both of us together.” 

“Of course, let me ask someone.” Felix says, already walking away. Hyunjin can only stare at how Felix goes to a young couple and holds up the camera and then points to himself and gestures to Hyunjin. They both smile, nodding and the woman takes the camera as Felix gestures for Hyunjin to come over to where he is under the flags. 

It will forever amaze Hyunjin with how Felix can just go up and talk to people he doesn't know. 

“Smile!” 

Hyunjin wraps his arm around Felix’s waist and Felix leans in, wrapping his arm around Hyunjin’s upper back. They both smile together at the camera as the woman takes a couple of clicks before she smiles.

“Thank you so much. Danke.” Felix smiles, taking the camera. 

The couple gives their last smiles and then walks away, and Hyunjin smiles at Felix as he watches him check the photos. 

“Are they okay?” 

“Yeah, come look!” 

Hyunjin walks over, and stands behind Felix, planting his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder as he peers at the screen. He finds himself smiling without even thinking about it. 

He may be biased, but they really compliment each other so well. In Felix’s light colors, Hyunjin’s all dark. To Hyunjin’s softer smiles, Felix is all bright. They look like the sun and moon together like this. 

He's definitely going to take these all and frame them once he gets back home. 

“Are we still going to check out the art museum?” Felix suddenly asks, looking over at Hyunjin. 

“I was just about to ask you if want to. If you're tired we can go back and-” 

Felix shakes his head immediately. “No, I'm not tired. But we can go back to put our bags down first before we go.” 

Hyunjin nods. “Sounds good to me. And you’re still okay to do the major exhibitions and not just the small ones?"

Felix beams, his eyes sparkling. “Yes. One hundred percent yes.” 

“Okay! Let's do it.” 

Their walk back is filled with laughter and stories, a bonding moment that Hyunjin will cherish for the rest of his life. Here in this big city, and place, they're so small. Just two people who love each other and are experiencing a whole other world with each other. 

Hyunjin smiles as they arrive at the AirBnb and when he opens the door he kicks his shoes off. 

“I'm just gonna go to the bathroom really quickly.” Felix says, taking his shoes off as well. 

“Go for it. We have time.” 

Felix smiles at him before dashing off, and Hyunjin leans against a wall, taking out his phone to try and navigate the directions and which tram they would have to take to get there. It’s pretty straight forward, as each of the lines 3, 5, 8, 9 and/or bus 31 can take them directly in front of the museum. The ride isn’t very far either, and Hyunjin’s thankful for that. 

He chuckles, shaking his head as he closes his phone. He usually isn't a planner for trips like these. Hyunjin would be the type of man who would go where the wind would take him, or depend on someone more responsible to have their way making itineraries. But since landing in Switzerland last night to right now, the promise Hyunjin had made that he would take care of everything is doing wonders. The way this is going, his MBTI will have a “J” in no time. 

Chan-hyung would be proud. 

The bathroom door opens about a minute later and Felix steps out, shaking his barely dried hands. “Can I grab a snack really quick?” 

Hyunjin chuckles. “Angel, you can do whatever you want.” 

“I just don’t want to rob you of everything you want to see today. This is your vacation as much as it’s mine, you know that, right?” Felix asks, giving a sly smile before he disappears down the hallway, going into the kitchen.

Hyunjin follows, because of course he does, and he wraps his arms around Felix’s waist from behind. He doesn’t say anything to reply to what Felix said, but he doesn’t have to. Felix leans back against him, his back pressed to Hyunjin’s chest and Hyunjin’s sure that he can feel how fast his heart is beating. 

Sometimes Hyunjin feels like Felix doesn’t know the power he has. Apart from him, or since before knowing him, Hyunjin’s never liked skinship. He remembers even when he was a child, words like ‘I love you’, ‘I’m thankful for you’, or big love confessions weren’t even said. It was done by the actions and the knowledge in the back of his head that he was surrounded by people who cared about him, because he cared about them. 

Since Felix, it’s like a fountain that’s just burst, overflowing with every amount of love he can shower, be it physical or verbal. And Hyunjin just can’t stop. At first it was scary, back when they were younger and he realized just how much this was affecting him. Now? Hyunjin can’t seem to really care. He has Felix in his arms, his world, his soul, his all. How can he not touch him when he’s right in front of him? How can he not tell him how much he loves him? 

“I have so much love for you.” Hyunjin finds himself muttering, leaning down to plant a soft kiss to Felix’s shoulder. “So much, it’s like it hurts.” 

Felix lets out a breath. “It couldn’t be more than the love I have for you.” 

Hyunjin smiles, not saying anything. If it were possible to be written on paper, and have someone show the amount of love Hyunjin has, there would be no more ink left. 

They eventually detach from each other when Felix finds a cookie and happily snacks away. Hyunjin sits on the stool across from him, just admiring. 

When Felix is all ready to go, they head back outside and walk to the stop they need. The tram comes in three minutes, and the ride is about ten minutes away. They get off at the last stop, and the Kunsthaus Zürich Museum is right in front of them, and several others start walking in that direction as well. 

This time, as they start to head to the building, Hyunjin takes Felix’s hand and squeezes, getting a small squeeze back. He’s excited about what he’ll see. He’s always been a lover of European art. 

They pay for the Major Exhibitions that include Classical Modernism, art done by Swiss Painters, and Impressionism, and once they walk inside, Hyunjin takes his time, walking slowly as his eyes catch everything. 

They go through the Classical Modernism pieces first, looking at several paintings before Hyunjin looks at a piece called Le Seize Septembre, an oil painting by René Magritte. The painting has a tree centered with a moon on top of it, the background colors a mix of blue and grey. Next to it, is an oil on canvas painting called Winter Night by Edvard Munch. There, its landscape that focuses on wintery top forests, but in a darker combination that details the harsher parts of winter less people talk about. 

Hyunjin finds himself stepping a bit closer. “Wow…” 

“Winter Night.” Felix reads the title, standing beside him. 

“I love cold tone paintings. That looks so…” Hyunjin shakes his head, his voice trailing off in awe. He continues down the room and Felix is right beside him, occasionally pointing out things that Hyunjin has noted in his head, or asking Hyunjin questions. 

By the time they reach the Swiss Painters exhibition, Hyunjin looks eagerly at the stories and detailing. There’s a lot more portraits captured here, and Hyunjin finds the study of how well these painters can add elements to the body in full, as that’s something he always wants to do more of. 

Hyunjin spots something under one of the paintings called La Malade, a painting of a girl with her back to the viewers, bedridden, with a maid that is coming in the doorway to attend to her. Hyunjin turns to Felix and points. 

“Look at the name of the painter.” 

Felix squints, leaning forward and then laughs. “Oh.”  

Félix Vallotton.  

Hyunjin takes his phone out as he usually would when spotting his boyfriend’s name in the wild, and then takes a picture of it, before he moves on, smiling. Felix giggles beside him, taking his hand and interlacing their fingers together before giving a small squeeze, three times. Hyunjin does it back. 

They spend a bit more time looking at a few more pieces before moving on to the Impressionism Exhibition, which is the most popular one so far. Hyunjin understands why, it would probably be his favorite as well. There’s a lot of Monet, and Van Gogh, and Hyunjin is completely immersed. But when he looks over and sees Felix, he smiles, seeing the awe in his boyfriend’s face. 

“I like this one.” Felix points, smiling at a painting by Georges Seurat. There’s a lot of greens and yellows, that have grass surrounding a person with a hat and stick in his hand. Hyunjin looks at the title. 

“Le Jardinier.” He reads out loud. Hyunjin may have remembered hearing that word, but forgets the meaning, and he turns to Felix. “What does that mean again?”” 

“The Gardener.” Felix smiles.

Hyunjin can’t help but smile back. He’s so perfect. 

Felix looks back at the painting, his hands gesturing towards the frame. “It’s simple. But it’s just, wow. I like the colors, the tone of it.” 

Hyunjin gazes at Felix fondly. “It’s warmer-toned.” 

“Yeah, and it just makes you feel calm when you look at it. It’s healing. It reminds me of my grandfather.” 

Hyunjin can completely melt right here and now on the spot. They couldn’t be more for each other, even in their preferences that are different, they compliment each other. 

While Felix stares at the painting, Hyunjin takes a few steps back and slowly takes out his film camera. He’s looked around and seen people take photos, and he knows the museum rules being okay just as long as there’s not any flash on. Hyunjin raises the camera and looks through the lens, seeing Felix completely in another world by the paintings on the walls, now looking at Cabanes Blanches aux Saintes-Maries by Van Gogh. It’s another equally warm painting, of three white cottages with the sky painted blue and blades of grass touching the earthy ground. 

Hyunjin takes his photos, smiling completely as Felix isn’t aware. 

Although it’s my first time here, I love seeing everything through your eyes. 

I want to marry you. 

Hyunjin and Felix tour through the rest of the exhibition, looking at each painting and spending time talking about them. Hyunjin goes through the technical aspects of what the painting consists of, while Felix talks about the deeper meaning and what it feels to him. 

When they finish everything and exit the museum, Hyunjin smiles at Felix. The sun follows him, shining down to illuminate every feature he has and bring it to the light. The wind blows softly, and his hair moves as though in a drama where the slow motion would play. 

“Did you have fun?” Felix asks. 

Hyunjin smiles. “Yes.”

“It was so inspiring. I feel like I could go back to ours and just spend the rest of the day painting.” Felix laughs. 

“That’s what I’m going to do if you want to join me, Félix.” Hyunjin says his name in a French accent. Felix hesitates and then laughs, shaking his head. 

“Mouais non, c’est bon, merci.” He replies so quickly, it causes Hyunjin to laugh. 

When they get off the tram and walk back to their AirBnb, they both go straight to the couch, resting from walking all around for most of the day. Felix fights back a yawn which Hyunjin totally catches, and when they look at each other, they both giggle. 

“Do you want ice cream?” Felix suddenly asks, opening his phone. “I think there was like, an ice cream shop I saw near here.” 

Hyunjin blinks. “Yah, you couldn't have while we were just outside?!” 

“I didn’t think! Maybe they deliver?” 

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything for a second before he laughs, taking his camera out. “If you give me a minute, I’ll go back out there and get some for the both of us.” 

“I can come with you.” 

“It’s okay. You’re tired.” 

“Yeah, but so are you.” 

Hyunjin shrugs. “It’s worth it. Here, I want to show you something…” 

Felix sits up straighter in his seat, a curious look on his face as he scoots closer to Hyunjin and looks at the camera. “What’s up?”

Hyunjin goes through the pictures from the museum and then passes the camera to Felix so he can look. He goes through each photo, not saying anything, but a faint smile is plastered on his face. After a few seconds, he looks up. 

“You took pictures of me over there.” He says, not in a question but a statement. 

Hyunjin nods. “I had to. The way you’re looking at the art pieces? It’s the exact same way I look at you.” 

Felix flushes immediately, and he rests his elbows on his thighs, leaning forward to cover his face. “What is with all of this flirting…” He mutters, his voice muffled. 

Hyunjin laughs. “I don’t know! I don’t know how to act around you, you just…being here with you, everything…it’s driving me crazy.” He says. 

Felix looks up then, raising his eyebrow. “Good crazy?” 

“Best kind of crazy.” The kind that sort of loves the faraway thought of marrying you. 

Felix grins, leaning forward. He presses a soft kiss to the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth and pulls away, smiling. “I love you.” 

He goes back to looking at the rest of the photos, making small comments on which ones he can post or send to his mom, but Hyunjin sits back, resting his elbow on the couch head, just looking at him. None of the pieces he’s marveled at come close to the living painting that sits just by him, and his heart overflows with love.

☾⋆⁺₊✧

Hyunjin frowns as he looks out the window. “It’s raining hard.” 

“Yup.” 

It’s a grey Wednesday afternoon, too dark and rainy that they have to cancel their plans of going to the Rhine Falls. Hyunjin sighs, tearing his eyes away from the bedroom window that shows the dark grey skies and rain showers and looks over at Felix who’s sitting against the headboard on the bed, blankets covering his waist and under. His head is down, eyebrows furrowed and mouth moving slightly as he reads an open book on his lap.

“I’m sorry. I thought we…I know we wanted to check out the Rhine Falls, but…” Hyunjin gestures to the window and sighs once more. 

That causes Felix to look up from his reading. He gives a soft smile at Hyunjin and shakes his head. “Hey. It’s not your fault. You can’t control the weather.” 

“I know, but I could’ve at least checked the weather for the rest of the week instead of-” 

“You’re acting like staying in with me is the worst thing in the world.” Felix smiles. Then he pats the space next to him on the bed. “Come on. We’ve been doing something for the past three days. It’s okay to just chill. That’s part of a vacation too.” 

Hyunjin looks at Felix. He has all of the goodness of him stored in the world. A heart full of hope, eyes full of optimism, words full of positivity. It’s enough to win Hyunjin over, every single time. 

Hyunjin walks over to their bed and reluctantly gets in, sitting next to Felix. He leans against his shoulder and just sits, staring at the clock that hangs across from them. It’s just hit 3:00pm and Hyunjin tries not to sulk thinking about the fact that for today, they could have been outside right now. Even though the pretense is being upset about not being able to go, the real reason why he’s like this is because he wanted every aspect of the trip to be perfect for him and Felix. Having one day where they’re not doing anything, Hyunjin doesn’t know if it’s alright. 

“I just…I wanted everything to be perfect, like…under my control.” Hyunjin admits softly. 

Felix leans his head against Hyunjin’s, his free hand placed on top of Hyunjin’s. “This is perfect right now. It’s good, we can just pause and just be here. Besides,” Felix pulls away to point at the windows. “Look outside. I’m not missing anything. I’m getting the falls right here.” 

Hyunjin laughs at that. When Felix looks back at him, they both share a moment of looking at each other deeply, before Felix leans down and closes the gap between them and Hyunjin feels himself melt in their kiss. He’s every feeling of home Hyunjin can feel- safety, security, sureness. Everything just makes sense with Felix. He makes his world spin around. 

When they pull away, Hyunjin leans in and rubs his forehead against Felix’s, who emits a small giggle before he turns back to his book. This pulls at Hyunjin’s curiosity, as he leans forward. 

“What are you reading?” He asks. 

Felix flips the front of the book over where his thumb is between the pages and Hyunjin reads 'The Holy Bible'. He nods, giving a small smile. 

“Ah.” 

Felix flips the cover back so he’s back on the pages. “I’m reading Ecclesiastes. Actually, I found something that made me think of you, one second…” he mutters, flipping a few pages back. Hyunjin wordlessly watches as Felix goes through the different sections- stanzas?- until he points to a specific verse. 

“Here, this says ‘For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.’” 

Hyunjin blinks. “Oh. Wait, that made you think of me?” 

Felix laughs, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “Yeah." 

"How?"

"Well first...it’s poetic. It looks like one of those poem books you’re always reading. But honestly, I was just thinking about how you’re always talking about how you never want to stop learning. You don’t want to be that person that feels like you know too much because you always want to be open-minded to whatever it is that life has in store. You don’t like to be prideful of anything, and you’re just, I don’t know, sometimes it’s just good to not know too much. You know?” Felix says, looking at him. 

Hyunjin pauses before he nods. “Yeah. It’s true.” 

He always gets so amazed at how much observation Felix has on him. 

“So… what was the context of that part?” 

Felix glances at the pages for a second before he looks back at Hyunjin. “From what I got out of it, it was talking about how all that we have in life is meaningless, which is why it’s important to seek after true meaning in life. The next few chapters look at seasons. It says there’s a time for everything under the sun. A time to mourn, a time to dance, a time to run, a time to just be still.” Felix smiles, gesturing to the bed. “A time to stay in.” 

Hyunjin chuckles, shaking his head. 

“It’s just that thing where whenever I read stuff like this, even when I was younger, my mom would always tell me to take it to heart and remember to live life appreciating everything you go through. Make sure you’re not too prideful and remain humble.” Felix says, with a shrug. “I’m thankful for that.” 

Hyunjin lightly pushes some strands away from Felix’s face with his finger, just to sneak a look at all of the pretty freckles on his face. “Well I’m thankful for you.”

Gentleness is rarely found in the world, but I’m grateful I can grasp it any time I talk with you. 

I want to marry you. 

Hyunjin then removes the portion of the blanket he has shared with Felix off his legs and starts to get up from the bed. Felix frowns instantly. 

“Where are you going?” 

“I want to do some reading too.” Hyunjin walks over to his suitcase and squats down so he's eye level with the bag and then unzips it, taking out a poetry collection he packed with him. When Hyunjin gets up and walks back to their bed, Felix smiles at him. 

“Are you gonna find a poem that reminds you of me?” He teases, and even though his voice is confident, his cheeks blush almost in shyness. 

Hyunjin prides himself on that, the way that Felix can have moments where he wants to hear about himself from Hyunjin’s perspective, and Hyunjin will gladly give it to him every time. 

In fact….Hyunjin opens his book and flips the pages, going to what was recently highlighted and written in the margins. 

“I already did.” He says, pointing to one of his favorite poems. 

Felix leans forward and looks at it, starting to read. “‘Not everyone in high places is an angel’.” He tilts his head, raising his eyebrow at Hyunjin as though to ask why. 

Hyunjin shrugs, a smile on his face. “It's true. You’re down here on earth with me.” 

Felix lets out a breathless chuckle, and in his flustered state, Hyunjin wraps his arm around Felix’s shoulders drawing him in. 

“I thank all of heaven every day that somehow you're the angel for me. You guard me, you’re my voice of reason, you share my interests though at the same time you're so different from me that I get to constantly learn from you.” Hyunjin kisses the side of his head. 

Felix giggles, his face all pink now. “Hyunjin…I am human-”

Hyunjin shakes his head, teasingly. “Nah. You're an angel. It’s okay. I keep telling you, I’ll keep your secret. One day I hope I can finally see your pretty wings.” he jokes. 

It's a fun conversation they keep having every so often where Hyunjin tells Felix that he's convinced he's an angel. He knows of course, deep down, he isn't, but at the same time, he loves to make Felix all flustered and shy. 

Plus, the way people are versus the nature Felix emits, the more time Hyunjin spends with him, the more that angel theory could be genuinely proven in another life. People aren't kind, they can be nice or polite, but Felix is beyond those surface level attributes. He's naturally kind, displaying the kind of compassion that isn't textbook taught. It's truly from within. 

He's also pure. Sure, he can be a little mischievous sometimes, playfully flirty and confident, but overall there are ways Hyunjin can think Felix of as holy. 

Felix now shrugs. “Sorry, they cut the wings off when I had to choose between immortality or becoming human so I could be fully yours. I kind of broke my contract being here on this earth with you, y’know? My human comes at a high price.” Felix jokes, reaching over to pat Hyunjin on the head. 

Hyunjin laughs, playing along. “Oh yeah? How much?” 

Felix shakes his head, grinning. “It's not an earthly number. Our angel prices have way more value than anyone here could know.” 

Hyunjin sighs. “Well, I guess it's better to not know too much, since…what is it again? ‘He who increases knowledge increases sorrow?’” 

Felix snaps his fingers and points at him. “Exactly! Don't want you to become too prideful and think you have any wisdom in our heavenly realm.” 

They both laugh now and Felix sets his Bible aside on the nightstand next to him before he fully wraps his arms around Hyunjin’s neck, bringing him to his lap. It's unsuccessful, as Hyunjin seizes the opportunity to place his poem book on his nightstand and then flip himself over so that he's on top of Felix. Felix smiles, his arms still around Hyunjin’s neck and he looks so pretty at this angle, just looking up at him. 

I can't believe I get to be the one who gets to see you smile like this. I can't believe the look of adoration I have for you is the mirroring look you have for me. 

“Hi.” Felix whispers. 

Hyunjin breathes out a laugh. He's getting cuteness-aggression again, no doubt. “Hey.” 

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Felix wonders, pupils slightly dilated. 

Hyunjin has no idea how he's staring at Felix. In his mind, he's looking down at him in the same way he always looks at him, the same way that causes his heart to beat as it did the first time he ever laid eyes on him. 

Hyunjin reaches over, brushing away strands from Felix’s face. He's so pretty like this, it takes his breath away every time. 

Even if it's from a completely different life and universe, you must have been otherworldly at one point. It's the only thing that makes sense. 

“I'm wondering if I’m even worthy to kiss this pretty angel.” 

Felix giggles and Hyunjin doesn't even prepare him for it. He wants to savor every bubbling laughter and swallow it so maybe there’ll be more happiness for himself. He smiles, leaning down, pressing his lips against Felix’s and the moment he does he feels his arms holding to him tighter as though needing this moment more than Hyunjin does. 

They're soft with each other, just lingering for a minute in their own explorations and when Hyunjin pulls away only to breathe, the seconds rush with hunger as he finds Felix’s lips once more. 

“I love you.” He whispers, still close enough for every word to brush on Felix’s lips. 

Felix hums contently, his hand gently pushing the back of Hyunjin’s head to draw closer, back to him. “I love you.” 

Hyunjin tastes the confession, stealing the words right off of his lips in a sweet exchange for kisses, and though he tries to move down and dot every other part of Felix’s neck with them, he's being brought back to Felix’s lips, kissing him once more. That's okay by him. Hyunjin will spend hours collecting and giving sweet kisses if that's all Felix wants. 

“My angel…” Hyunjin says soft, like a prayer and it might be an exaggeration to some, but it's like he can feel all of earth and heaven move when Felix’s smile against his lips. 

It's a different day, but domestic, and Hyunjin finds himself having no complaints with the fact that he gets to be here, in bed, with Felix, having him all for himself. 

I want to spend all of eternity with you. 

I want to marry you. 

☾⋆⁺₊✧

Switzerland Vacation- Day 4 (10:53am) 

Last night, Felix prayed for the rain to stop before we went to sleep. 

It’s now a beautiful sunny morning. 

Not everyone in high places is an angel.

It’s Thursday, and they’re scheduled for the Luzern-Interlaken Express which Hyunjin has the biggest high hopes for since arriving. According to the website that he checks every other second, they’ll be making the full hour ride going from Lucerne to Interlaken. He’s reserved his two tickets for 1st Class, and also educates himself on the fact that the right side is where they should sit for the best view. 

Throughout the whole week, Hyunjin has been wanting nothing more than to make sure his boyfriend has a smile plastered on his face that never moves unless it’s to laugh. But he can remember having dreams of taking the panoramic train since he was a kid. And now, they’re going to do it. 

And now, they’ll be late if they don’t hurry. 

Hyunjin does a double-take at his phone, seeing the time. It’s already 10:54am, and the trip is scheduled for 12:10pm. It’s about 15 minutes away to take the tram to the Zurich HB station, and then from there, they need to take the train from the Zurich HB to the Lucerne Station which is about 41 minutes away, and then after they arrive, they get on board to the Luzern-Interlaken Express. There’s a train scheduled for every hour if they do run late, but Hyunjin doesn’t want to take that chance. 

“Love?” Hyunjin calls, putting away his journal. He walks from the living room to the hallway where he last spotted Felix in the small bathroom, doing last minute touches on his hair. 

“Yes?” He hears Felix’s voice call. 

“Hey, we have to go now if we want to get there on time…” Hyunjin stops by the doorway, almost completely melting, the worries of making it on time put at a pause at just the view of Felix. It’s a simple outfit, nothing too over the top, but pretty nonetheless. A soft pink yarn shirt that’s loosely off one shoulder, paired with white jeans. He looks like the epitome of summer, like the sun resorting to human flesh. 

Hyunjin quite literally has to take a breath and release it, and Felix, the minx, gives a knowing smirk. 

“You okay over there?” He asks, his attention back to the mirror. Hyunjin runs fingers through his hair, shaking his head. 

“You look beautiful.” He responds, though wishes there were more words to say. 

“Thank you.” Felix’s voice trails off as he finishes tying his hair up in a low bun, leaving some of the strands out and tucked behind his ear. When he turns, he smiles so bright that Hyunjin grips onto the door tighter. 

“You look beautiful too, Hyunjin-ah.” Felix reaches over and squeezes his arm. In contrast to the soft attire Felix carries, Hyunjin wears a loud black 1892 A&F shirt over blue jeans. Hyunjin just shrugs but smiles anyway, walking over to plant a small kiss on the side of Felix’s head in thanks. 

“I’m all ready to go.” Felix says. “What time does the train come?” 

“Last I checked, like five minutes if that’s okay? I know we’re right next to the stop so if we walk now, we can get there a little before that.” Hyunjin says, looking back at the time on his phone. 

Felix nods. “Yeah, that’s fine. Let’s do it.” 

They leave the bathroom, looking around for any last minute thing they left behind, but they have everything. Hyunjin doesn’t have complex expectations for this trip, just that they go, can take lots of pictures and videos at the view, and just get to spend the 1hr50min trip fully relaxed. 

When they step outside, Felix takes his hand almost immediately, interlacing their fingers together and then squeezes.

“Are you excited?” He asks with a grin. “You’ve been wanting to do this for years.” 

Hyunjin smiles, squeezing Felix’s hand back. “Yeah, I’m…I can’t believe we’re doing this.” 

“Thank you for letting me check off your bucket list with you.” Felix takes his other hand and squeezes Hyunjin’s forearm, leaning into him even as they walk. 

Hyunjin laughs. As if there were any other choice. “I should be thanking you.” 

“Why?” 

“For doing life with me.”

Felix chuckles, shaking his head. “It’s the greatest joy of my life being by your side, Hyunjin. I really mean that. You make all of my days brighter just by being you, just by existing. I couldn’t be more thankful for you.” 

“Yongbok-ah…” Hyunjin says in a groan. The love he has for him is so overbearing sometimes, so much like a fire within that he doesn’t know what to do with it. Felix just giggles, raising their hands to his lips so he can plant kisses to it, and Hyunjin is sure that his whole face is red. It’s already feeling hotter than the weather. 

Luckily, Felix doesn’t say more as they continue walking, as he gets distracted by the sound of birds chirping by every passing tree. When they get to the stop, the wait for the tram is about two minutes before it arrives, and Hyunjin and Felix get on, snagging two seats by the center. When they sit down, Felix shakes his head and chuckles, leaning close to whisper in Hyunjin’s ear. 

“I'm never getting over how clean every train is.” 

Hyunjin nods. “I know.” 

“We haven’t even made it to the express trip and just seeing all the streets on this train alone, it’s so beautiful.” Felix continues, his eyes darting from the window back to Hyunjin all wide with excitement. Hyunjin places a hand on his knee, squeezing for a few seconds. 

“It’s going to be magical.” 

Hyunjin looks out the window and peers down at the light rail for the street where the tram runs on. It’s so different being here in comparison to back home, and while the busyness is around the same, Hyunjin makes sure to catch everything. The buildings are stories up and the city colors are a mix of beige and browns that he’s itching to paint. People walk with purpose, conversations to and fro, but there’s still a level of calm that he feels, perhaps from knowing what’s to come. 

The next few minutes are spent in mostly silence except for the occasional sentence of awe Felix shares when pointing at something out the window. When they finally arrive at the Zurich HB, Hyunjin and Felix get off, and Hyunjin takes his phone, trying to redirect in maps where they are and where they need to be. They check the departure board that shows the platform to take for the next train and its arrival, and easily they manage to find the right train that takes them to the Lucerne Station. 

The forty minute ride is a mixture of peace and excitement, of waiting for what’s to come. Hyunjin takes a couple of pictures of Felix, who looks out the window with a smile. At one point, Hyunjin bumps his shoulder against his. 

“You okay?” 

Felix nods, leaning his head against Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Yeah. You okay?” 

“Mhm.” 

Felix takes a deep sigh and then shakes his head, planting his chin on Hyunjin’s shoulder now as he eyes the streets outside. “I keep waiting for an alarm to wake me up.” He chuckles. 

Hyunjin smiles. “No alarm, angel. This is real. We actually made it here.” Hyunjin says. A chill runs down his spine at the thought- they’re actually on a train in Switzerland right now. By themselves. Nobody else made this trip for them, they did this on their own.

“Well…” Felix scoots even closer to Hyunjin. “In a few minutes the view’s about to get better.”

“Yeah.” 

“You excited, huh?” 

Hyunjin laughs. “I think I’ll genuinely pass out when we see the alps.” 

Felix laughs along, a sound so sweet to Hyunjin’s ears and a wave of pride swells in his chest at the thought that he can just do that. He can just make this precious man laugh whenever he can. He can be the reason for Felix’s smile to burst. 

Time is rather fast and soon the tram hits the last stop and all of the passengers get off. Hyunjin takes Felix’s hand so that he doesn’t lose him in the rush of the parting and arriving crowd, and he holds on until they both get off from the tram and in front of the Lucerne Station, the area large and lively. 

“Okay, so somehow, we have to find the right platform, but…” Hyunjin runs fingers through his hair, blowing out a breath. 

Felix circles around, his hand shielding the sun from his eyes. “We would probably have to go underground, yeah?” 

Hyunjin pauses. He wants to be sure, but the station is huge and everyone is passing by all around them, knowing exactly where they’re going. 

“I don’t know.” Hyunjin opens his phone to search for the live directions on his map on where to go. 

“We can just follow the crowd.” Felix says, leaning in close to look at Hyunjin’s phone. “I’m pretty sure everyone’s taking the Express anyway, it is quite the tourist thing to do here.” 

Hyunjin chuckles. “Yeah, you’re right.” 

When Hyunjin looks back down on the screen, the arrow that currently indicates where they are glitches and spins, and he sighs. “There’s no signal.” 

“Let’s start walking, then. I can even ask someone.” Felix offers with a shrug. 

Hyunjin pauses, giving an ‘are you sure’ look, but Felix just smiles and turns, starting to head down the stairs. There’s no doubt Felix can find someone. Hyunjin has lost count of the many times his boyfriend’s extroverted self saved him. Hyunjin trails behind, following Felix down the stairs, the sounds of conversations blocking the voice on the intercom. Even if he wanted to hear, it’d probably make less sense to him anyway, and as Felix walks with determination, Hyunjin can only comply. So much for handling this trip. 

They walk a bit through the station which in itself resembles a mini mall. As much as Hyunjin respects the idea of having a bit of shopping by convenience, he’d probably spend all of his time in one store and miss any and every train he needs. Though maybe if Hyunjin has time after, he can come back and look at some of the chic places. 

In front of Hyunjin, Felix walks, hands swaying as he looks around. The difference of his gaze- unlike Hyunjin looking at all the shops- goes to the people passing by, probably checking which person to ask. 

“You don’t have to-” Hyunjin starts to speak out. 

Felix starts to pick up his pace and lightly jogs to an older man in a newsboy cap and light blue collared shirt over corduroy pants who stands by a gigantic water curtain. Hyunjin can’t help but avert his gaze to the water falling down, the sound of its rushing patter in his ears. Next time, he’ll have to go back to the station just to check everything out and not rush out of it. 

Felix walks over to the man and from the distance that Hyunjin has, he can’t really hear the greeting, but he sees Felix’s bright smile, and the man’s kind gaze towards him just the same. Felix carries the conversation naturally, and Hyunjin slowly makes his way to them, standing near enough for the man to know they both are here together. He gives a gentle smile at their exchange before he looks to the side, distracted by the water curtain. Near the area Hyunjin can spot a plant stand as well that someone is selling, and he wishes that he had the time to check out the different plants and flowers over there. 

He feels a warm hand envelope his own hand and squeezes. Hyunjin squeezes Felix’s hand back, his heart skipping a beat at the undertone of their message to each other, making sure that they’re both grounded and okay. 

“...so you would have to take the Zentralbahn platform 12-14. Just keep walking straight down the hall, and then by the far left there’s the platforms all together, with the train there. It’s the big red train that says 'Lucerne-Interlaken Express', so you won’t miss it.” The man says in accented English. It sounds like something he’s familiar with, another language entirely that Hyunjin doesn’t think is Swiss or German, but then again, what does he know? 

Felix smiles, giving a small bow with his head. “Thank you so much, we’re just going to check out the Luzern-Interlaken Express." He says. 

The man smiles. “Oh is that right? You’re going to enjoy it, it’s beautiful.” 

“Thank you. It’s the number one thing we wanted to check off on our list of what to do when coming here, since it’s our first time.” Felix laughs. 

“Oh your first time? Well, welcome! And what brings you to Switzerland?” The man asks with genuine interest, his smile that hasn’t stopped showing since Felix first talked with him is still present on his face. 

“Oh, it’s been a long awaited place to travel to.” Hyunjin can feel Felix squeeze his hand once more as though gesturing. “He loves it, but we never had the time to go until finally now.” 

“Oh nice. But you're coming from where? Your accent is from someplace…” 

Felix chuckles. “Ah, my accent? Well, I'm from Australia-"

"Really? You came all the way from Australia?"

"Actually, from France. I've been living in France right now, but I go back and forth between France and Korea. But yes, I was born and raised in Australia, but I travel a lot, so my accent is now all over the place.” Felix answers with a laugh. 

Hyunjin smiles to himself as he hears the enthusiastic surprise from the man. He's always like that, proud without explanation. It can be something as simple as this, where Felix is simply talking about his origin, the place he's spent most of his life, and where he lives now, and yet it's something that makes Hyunjin’s heart warm over, like he's the most proud he could ever be. 

Yes, he thinks, agreeing with the astonished look on the man’s face. My boyfriend is amazing, isn't he? 

“Wow, that's so many different places. For me, I'm here for work, but I'm originally from France too.” The man explains, pointing at himself. 

“Oh, wow, vraiment?” Felix asks, his eyes sparkling with recognition. 

“Bah, oui. Vous parlez français, ou bien...?” 

Felix grins, and somehow it’s like his face shines even brighter. “Oui! Oui, on peut parler en français si c'est plus facile." 

The man looks refreshed and Hyunjin can only imagine the relief of hearing someone speak the same language as him in a foreign country. 

“Ouah! Ça vous convient?" The man asks.

"Bien sûr!"

"Oh, merci! Mais vous parlez super bien français. Vous l'avez appris à l'école avant en Australie ?” 

Hyunjin looks around at the station as they speak. It’s a fast-paced conversation and it’s not something he can really keep up with, but the only thing he can think about is how proud he is of Felix and how much he loves him. 

“Oui, exactement, je l'ai étudié quand j'étais à l'école là-bas. Mais après..." Felix laughs, shaking his head.

"L'histoire se complique un peu. Donc, j'ai déménagé en Corée quand j'avais dix-sept ans, et j'y suis resté plusieurs années. Pendant tout ce temps, j'ai complètement oublié mon français. Mais après ça, j'ai commencé à aller à Paris pour mon travail, et j’ai beaucoup d'amis qui m'ont aidé à reparler français, et en y habitant, après quelque temps, j'ai réappris…et oui!” Felix answers. 

Hyunjin can't really think. All he hears is French in Felix's low tone, and whatever they're talking about has the man nodding along, completely engrossed. A part of Hyunjin wishes to know, and would like to join in. Felix tells him the meaning of some words every now and then, like how Hyunjin would to Felix with English words back when he just moved to Korea. But the greater part of Hyunjin just feels this overwhelming sense of pride, every time Felix speaks, no matter what language.

He can't help it- he's just that drawn to the love of his life. 

The man then smiles brightly. “Eh bien, chapeau! Ce n’est vraiment pas facile de réapprendre une langue à partir de zéro,"

Felix nods. "Oui, c'est beaucoup pour n'importe qui, même si c'est pour le français, le coréen ou l'anglais... c'est difficile. Apprendre ou réapprendre une langue, c'est vraiment difficile."

"Mais franchement, vous la parles super bien maintenant. Vous n'avez presque plus d'accent." The man says.

Felix has a shy smile on his face as he scratches the back of his head. "Ah, vraiment? Merci beaucoup."

"Et votre ami? Est-ce qu'il parle en français?” 

Hyunjin blinks, looking over at the man. He knows the conversation somehow diverts to him, considering the fact that the man looks over at Hyunjin with a friendly smile. He hears the word ‘ami’ and ‘parle en français’ and Hyunjin’s sure that the man is asking if he can speak French as well.

“Oh, mon copain?” Felix turns and looks at Hyunjin. “Tu peux parler en français.” He says, a playful grin on his face. 

Hyunjin's eyes widen as he points to himself. "Me? No, no, no. Pas beaucoup.” He adds his little bit to the man. Felix grins. 

“Mais si! Il comprend beaucoup. Même s'il ne parle pas trop, il sait tout ce que vous dites.” Felix tells the man, placing his hand on Hyunjin's chest for a second. 

“Not really! I wouldn't say I know everything!” Hyunjin says, but Felix points at him while the man just laughs. 

“Ah, you see how he understood? Don't let his silence fool you. He's really smart.” 

Hyunjin rolls his eyes but smiles, squeezing Felix’s hand once again. He feels shy now that the attention is on him, but luckily there’s another voice on the intercom that breaks through, and it causes both Felix and the older man to pause to listen. 

“The train’s boarding in seven minutes, but the doors close soon. You should go. Oh, and make sure to sit by the right side, it’s the best view.” The man says to Felix and then smiles at Hyunjin. 

“Thank you so much,” Felix holds his hand out for a handshake. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Marc.” 

“You too, Felix.” 

They were already on first-name basis in the span of 30 seconds?!

Hyunjin smiles and shakes Marc’s hand as well. “Thank you so much for all your help. Bonne journée.” 

Marc smiles. “Ah merci, et bonnes vacances!” 

Hyunjin and Felix give their final goodbyes and waves and then turn around, starting to walk to the platform they need. Hyunjin slings his arm around Felix and Felix leans in almost automatically, holding Hyunjin’s dangling hand off his shoulder.

“You’re incredible, you know that?” Hyunjin asks. 

Felix giggles. “Yeah?” 

Hyunjin smiles. “You’re the reason why I could never be anywhere by myself.” 

“What would you actually do without me?” Felix teases as they get to the end of the hall, stopping by the platform. 

I wouldn’t be able to breathe on my own, and if I would it would be without meaning. I wouldn’t be able to find myself or any reason to love or be loved. I wouldn’t be able to say that angels have lived on earth and dwelled with me. 

I wouldn’t be able to think, feel, or do anything- nothing without you. 

It’s soft this time, but pounding, a thought that goes straight to Hyunjin’s mind and heart once more, more occurring each and every day for this past week. 

I want to marry you. 

Their seats are next to each other rather than across but when they get to where Hyunjin reserved, Felix pauses and gestures for Hyunjin to sit first- to the seat right next to the window. Hyunjin opens his mouth to protest but Felix shakes his head. 

“You deserve it.” He smiles. 

In normal circumstances, Hyunjin would probably argue that Felix should take the seat. He’d give anything for Felix. But he knows that this is something he’s always wanted, and he also knows that the most important part of a relationship is that it’s not just one-sided. It’s something where sometimes they give and take- Hyunjin and Felix sharing the role of giving each other the very best, and receiving all of the best from one another. 

Hyunjin smiles, slinging off his tote back strap from his shoulder as he walks to the seat. He sits down, and Felix does the same, placing his bag under his seat. 

“Thank you, angel.” Hyunjin says softly, wrapping his hand around Felix’s waist. Felix leans into him and they stay in the position for a bit before they depart. Felix takes out his phone and is scrolling through something, while Hyunjin turns and looks out of the window. They haven’t departed yet, there’s still a few more minutes until the doors close, but Hyunjin can’t afford to look anywhere else. 

The conductor speaks on the intercom of the train making all stops from Lucerne to Interlaken and how many minutes they have left until the doors close. Hyunjin feels his heart pounding in his chest as he sits at the edge of his seat, and when it finally becomes time and the train starts to move, Hyunjin’s eyes are already by the window, looking at the passing of the station as they have the rearview. 

“So we’re going to see five different lakes, right?” Felix asks, now looking at the window. Hyunjin nods, remembering all that he read on the website. He pulls up his phone that has the website and shows it to Felix. 

“We’ll pass by Lake Lucerne, Alpnacherese, Lake Sarnen, Lake Lungern, and then Lake Brienz.” Hyunjin points to the map. “But there will also be mountains and waterfalls.” 

“Oh gosh.” Felix smiles, shifting in his seat. “I’m so excited.” 

Hyunjin laughs. “Is it weird that I’m nervous? Like I feel like I’ve been waiting for this all my life.” 

Felix shakes his head, reaching over to squeeze Hyunjin’s forearm. “That’s not weird, it feels like…” he pauses, placing a hand on his chest. “It feels like your heart is beating fast and there’s a pressure right here,” 

“Yeah,” 

“Like you’re waiting for something great.” He adds, his eyes sparkling.

Hyunjin nods as the train continues to pass by. He feels like he’s been waiting for something great for the whole week, like an anticipatory itch in his body. He feels restless, but excited. At one point, the train goes under a tunnel that feels like it is about a minute long, and Hyunjin feels Felix cling on to his arm tighter as all around them is dark. 

“This is so cool, ohmygosh.” Felix says. Hyunjin smiles as the train fully leaves the station now as there are more houses and buildings that are in view, and overhead there are more trees and mountains that start coming into view. 

They can see in the far distance the colors of turquoise and neon green and the train keeps going and going until they reach the view of Lake Lucerne, with the clear waters and brightest green trees, and Hyunjin’s breath is completely taken away.

"Whoa..." Hyunjin says under his breath as his jaw drops, but he's smiling, taking in everything he sees.

Felix's hand perches on Hyunjin's shoulder as he leans close, looking out the window.

"It's so beautiful." He says. 

"It doesn't even look real." Hyunjin lets out a baffled laugh. "Are we even here?" 

From the panoramic windows, the sun shines throughout the train and on him, and he feels it so, that he basically mourns the fact that he can’t be there, right now, outside for a swim. But oh, oh how adoring this view is, better than anything he’s imagined, like he’s stepped out and breathed in clean air, feeling alive. 

And this is just the first lake. 

About eighteen minutes after leaving Lucerne -to where Hyunjin and Felix spend their time taking pictures with curious and adoring eyes, they enter the next stop into Sarnen, where meadows of green and distant mountains welcome them. Hyunjin lowers his camera to capture the view with his eyes, and he’s completely fascinated by the cottages and farms, villages of the countryside he’s painted so many times unveiling as real and right in front of him- just a window away. But then the stop goes through the center of the small town as well, and there’s classic Swiss architecture that makes Hyunjin consider moving there for a second. 

Somehow without even realizing it, Hyunjin finds Felix’s hand in his, and while they both silently look at the view in awe, Hyunjin’s heart is filled with happiness at the fact that he gets to do this with him. That there gets to be this moment when it’s just theirs. 

“I would live somewhere here.” Hyunjin voices his thoughts out loud, one of the first times he speaks in minutes. Felix hums, and then leans his head against his shoulder. The seats are individual and so there’s a bit of reach for closer contact between the two of them, but it doesn’t stop his boyfriend at all. 

“Countryside or small town hub?” Felix asks, lifting up his head just a bit so he can look up at him. 

Hyunjin lets out a breath as he leans his head against the seat. He can see himself in both places, honestly. He doesn’t know that much about farming or raising animals and anything like that, but he thinks that the experience would be nice to have for a bit. He doesn’t know if he could isolate himself for that long, despite how picturesque it is. 

“I think maybe…small town, honestly.” 

“Oh, really?”

Hyunjin shrugs, keeping his eyes on the window. “I don’t know, I wouldn’t be so lonely. Plus, there’s all the cafes, and museums, and restaurants, and it’s lively, but still small enough. Not a big city, just a small small town.” He replies. 

When Hyunjin looks down at Felix who’s still resting on his shoulder, he sees the younger’s eyes close, a faint smile on his face as though he’s imagining it. His heart melts at the sight. 

“What about you, angel?” Hyunjin then asks softly, after a beat.  

Felix makes a thinking noise and then opens his eyes. “Small town. That way we could take this train anytime we wanted. And we’d be around people, we’d all know each other. The holidays here would be so commune- I’m just imagining the wintertime and Christmas already.” He laughs. 

Hyunjin smiles, looking away from Felix and back at the window. Gosh, he wants that. He wants it more than anything. Even the way Felix casually answered for the both of them so naturally, it’s like nothing else makes sense. 

I want to make that dream come true. 

I want to marry you. 

The next lake that they go through for the next stop is Lake Lungern, and somehow Hyunjin thinks that it’s even better than the last lake that they saw before. The water is so pure and sparkling from the sun, and he spots boats that are by the lake, across from the little houses on the hills nestled between the mountains. His gaze darts between the window, and Felix, just seeing the happiness and awe radiating from his face. It makes everything all worth it and Hyunjin’s so glad that they get to have this trip. 

At one point as they’re riding, Felix looks over at the people around them. “It looks like everyone’s getting lunch now. Did you want me to get us something? There’s a bistro over there,” he points ahead to the small place in the middle of the train to get food. 

At the mention of food, Hyunjin’s stomach rumbles. He was doing so much prep for today that he forgot about food. Felix giggles and reaches over to pat Hyunjin’s stomach before he gets up from his seat. 

“Be right back,” Felix says over his shoulder. 

Hyunjin smiles. “Okay.” 

He doesn’t question what Felix will get for him, since they both have tendencies of grabbing things for each other based on knowledge of each other’s taste and preference. Hyunjin decides to sit back, and with the absence of Felix for a little bit, he takes the time to focus and really center in on what he sees. It’s all so beautiful and he feels so small in the sheer vastness of earth. 

After a few minutes, Felix returns emptyhanded, but with a smile on his face as he sits back in his seat next to Hyunjin. 

“They said the food would be about twenty minutes.” 

Hyunjin nods, wrapping an arm around Felix’s waist. “What’d you order?” 

Felix immediately snuggles into him like a body default. “We got the chili con carne with rice.” He answers.

While they wait for their food, they pass time talking, continuing to have dreams and imaginations of the type of life they would live. They go through the type of jobs, the things they would do during the week, and whether or not they would get used to views like these if they lived by them everyday. 

“Who would you take here from back home?” Hyunjin asks, his hand rubbing Felix’s back slowly. 

“My mom.” Felix says, without thinking about it. “She’s always wanted to go, but she couldn’t. Now that I’m here and I know it’s possible, I’m definitely bringing her soon.” 

Hyunjin hums, nodding along. Then a question comes to his head and he turns to Felix. “Have you ever had any guilt about some of the places we didn’t get to travel to when we would tour with the group back then?” 

“All the time.” Felix admits, his tone soft. “But, it is good we’re doing it now. Even after all these years, we’re still finding ways of traveling and going to the places we haven’t been yet. And if there are those that still, y'know... know us and once supported us, if they find us, we can still always greet them.” 

Their food is then served to them, as a man with an apron comes over to their seats. He places the plates on the small table that has been placed in front of them (which is foldable and available at all seats). Felix and Hyunjin say their thanks, and as they’re just getting their food settled, another man walks up and places two tall glasses of wine on the table. 

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow and smiles. “Wine?” 

Felix smiles. “Dôle des Monts, Maison Gilliard. We’re celebrating.” 

Hyunjin grins, angling in his seat so he can fully face Felix. “Oh yeah? What are we celebrating?” He asks. 

“The week we’ve had so far. All of this…” Felix gestures to the window as he picks up his glass and holds it in the air. Then he leans closer and smiles at Hyunjin. “You being so perfect taking care of this whole trip.” 

Hyunjin feels his face start to go red, but he picks up his glass and holds it in the air. 

“And for you, being the most perfect angel. The love of my life. The reason I exist.” 

Felix blushes, letting out a small breath before he moves his glass towards Hyunjin’s. “Well, a toast? To Switzerland!” 

“To Switzerland!” Hyunjin echoes. They clink their glasses together and then take a swing of their wine, their eyes not leaving each other’s as they drink. 

The food and drink with the view is exceptional and the only problem is that once they finish, Hyunjin wishes he could savor that again or have it all one more time. But when the servers who are passing by collect the plates and empty glasses, Hyunjin and Felix express their gratitude anyway. 

The next stop is Brünig-Hasliberg, and what Hyunjin’s heard about through the website does not give justice to the view when they reach the high point. It’s the highest route on the train ride, and in between the views of the mountains and coniferous trees, bountiful waterfalls gush down. The clouds are so plump and white, it makes Hyunjin question clouds in general, how their just water vapors and yet, fill the sky in a perfect additional manner. Hyunjin snaps as many pictures as he can, Felix doing the exact same. 

“This would look so magical in the winter, with the snowy mountaintops.” Hyunjin comments as he lowers his camera, and Felix nods, eyes to the window. 

“It’d look like something out of Narnia.” He says with a bright smile. 

“The website said this is 1,001 meters above sea level.” Hyunjin recounters. 

“Oh, Lord.” Felix’s eyes are wide as he leans forward, tilting his head downward as though trying to measure the altitude. 

After a while, they’re back on the level track and the intercom announces the next stop to Meiringen. It’s been about an hour and fifteen minutes on the train and they’re on the last stretch of the ride going from Lucerne to Interlaken. On this specific stop, the conductor goes on the back of the train and they start again from the opposite direction, almost like going backwards. But staying on the right side is ideal, and it still brings them to their destination. 

By this stop, the River Aare runs long, almost like a paved pathway despite it being water. Across from the railway and beyond the river are still houses and trees that are by the hills just under a gigantic and seemingly continuous mountain, and Felix takes pictures of it all, mentioning the jealousy that runs through him when he thinks about how this would be the view if anyone living there was to say that wanted to go to the backyard. The river is the longest Swiss river and Hyunjin does not take that as any surprise. His eyes get tired of trying to follow it all, and he eventually just picks up his sketchbook instead. 

Hyunjin doesn’t want to fully get any oil on his fingers as he’s on such a clean and touristic train, so the only supplies he brings for the trip are colored pencils, but he starts to sketch. The train goes quiet again for the both of them as they continue to ride, until making it to the small village of Brienz. There are boats on the lake (the final lake that Hyunin genuinely thinks is the prettiest, even though he says that about each lake) and he even spots people who are in them. If they had enough time, Hyunjin would want to go on a boat ride, but he concludes that all of what he didn’t do on this trip will be preserved for next time. 

Hyunjin transfers all the colors he can from the sight outside the windows, to the sketchbook in his lap. Sure, the lake is not exact shade of clear turquoise, and the clouds could be fluffier, and the mountains lose their definition, while the houses are small and the boats are dotted faintly, and there’s no true capture on how brightly green the trees and grass are, Hyunjin feels content anyway, that he managed to finally be on this train ride, take photos, and sketch what he sees. 

Felix is also equally happy. He keeps holding on to him, his hand finding itself curled around Hyunjin’s bicep, and every time there’s something worth marveling about, he’ll squeeze the muscle. His eyes are so wide and pouty lips so duck-like, that Hyunjin’s cuteness aggression wants to perk up again. 

Speaking of Felix, though…Hyunjin suddenly thinks of something and his eyebrows furrow as he turns and looks at him. 

“Hey,” he starts. 

Felix looks back at him. “What’s up?” 

“Is there anything you want to do tomorrow?” Hyunjin asks. 

Felix pauses, his bottom lip sticking out in thought. He shrugs. “I don’t know.” 

“I just…this whole week I was planning things for us, and we were doing a lot of the things I wanted to check out, but…I just wanted to know if there was anything you wanted to do. I have absolutely no ideas on what to do for our second last day.” Hyunjin explains.

Felix hums, not saying anything for a bit. Then he gives a small smile, leaning his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder.  “I’ll get back to you on that.”

They finally arrive in Interlaken which is the last stop and the town they’ll be for the most of the day to explore before they’ll take the train all over again to go back to Zurich. Here, as the train makes a slight curve down the track and they see the open view of mountains once more, the clouds look like they’re touching the top of the mountains as they’ve lowered much since being up in the sky. To Felix, it’s cool. To Hyunjin, it sort of resembles a foggy volcano. 

Interlaken brings the train straight to town and once there’s many people, buildings, and a small town hub, Hyunjin can feel that they’re within seconds of reaching their destination. It feels like having a good dream starts to fade as you’re slowly starting to wake up. 

The train eventually slows down and by 2:00pm, they arrive at the station. The doors open and just like that, everything is back to being fast paced, people rushing out and coming in. Hyunjin feels a miss for the moment already, but he tells himself that they had a really good time spent, and they’ll be back on it later in the day. when going back to their AirBnb in Zurich.

Both Felix and Hyunjin clean up their area and pack everything, looking back at their seats to check if anything is missing, and when they’re good to go, they head out, holding hands all through the way. 

“That…was incredible.” Hyunjin says as soon as they step foot on the ground. They just start to walk, without really caring about stopping for directions on where to exit. As this is a station, they can just follow the direction of those leaving the train. 

Felix squeezes Hyunjin’s hand. “I’m so glad you got to have that for yourself. That was beautiful.” 

He looks at a loss for words, and Hyunjin gets it, because he can feel it too. For the past two hours they’ve been disconnected from the real world, and went to a place where they had imaginations and had dreams they could wish upon freely without truth or consequence. It was liberating. 

“I didn’t know that was something I needed.” Hyunjin comments, his voice shy at how unnecessarily deep that was. 

But Felix nods, just as he always would, eyes genuine. “I’m so happy it was.” 

They don’t say much on their walk through the station, and Hyunjin notes that he even feels different as they walk, like his feet are more elevated than normal. They keep walking straight, and soon they’re out of the station and into the open air of Interlaken, with no expectations nor directions on ‘what now’ and ‘where to go’. Felix doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he’s a bit quieter than usual, and after a few minutes of being completely silent, Hyunjin squeezes his hand. 

“Are you okay?” He asks. 

Felix nods. “Yeah. I’m good, I’m just thinking…” his voice trails off. 

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow and stops walking so that Felix has to stop walking too. “What’s up?” 

“I know what I want to do for tomorrow.” Felix says, a bright and beautiful smile on his face. 

“What?” 

“Well…I was looking up some things to do in the area and I found this community center that has an art program and they have volunteering that’s open. I thought…maybe we could…I don’t know, stop by? Help the kids?” He asks.

Hyunjin freezes, and a wave of all the love and care rushes through him towards this sweet, sweet man in front of him. Of course, this is what Felix chooses for their last full day in Switzerland. Of course, he has such a heart that there's a small pang of guilt to where Hyunjin hadn't even considered that for their trip. 

Hyunjin nods immediately, his gaze fond. "Of course, baby. Of course we'll do that." 

“Okay, good, because, uh…I already signed us up.” Felix says with a laugh. 

Hyunjin pauses for a second, blinking his eyes at the admission. It's not like he's mad, or annoyed. He's just more in awe and in love with his selfless boyfriend and he's trying so hard not to do something crazy, like, pick him up and spin him around in the middle of the road. 

Instead, Hyunjin leans forward and gives a lingering kiss on Felix’s forehead. When he does eventually pull away, he looks right at Felix who opens his eyes and looks at him with an equal amount of love despite Hyunjin's comprehension of it. 

“You’re an angel.” Hyunjin says, gentle, like a whisper. 

Felix blushes, moving the strands away from his face. He doesn’t say anything to deny it this time, and Hyunjin plans on telling him he’s an angel every day of his life until he gets it. 

There’s no one like you. No one is as tender and sweet, thoughtful and ever-loving. There’s no one I’d rather love and cherish. My heart, my all. The love of my life. 

Felix. My angel. 

I want to marry you. 

☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

The next day arrives, and the sun shines brightly as Hyunjin and Felix make their way to Uster, a small town that’s about twenty minutes away from where they’re staying in Zurich. The Zellweger Atelier Center opens by 4:00pm but they arrive thirty minutes earlier along with some other volunteers to be shown some of the ropes. 

The center is only a short walk from the tram stop, present between the rows of shops and apartment buildings.The building itself isn’t particularly grand, and yet it’s perfect, intimately felt, and what Hyunjin knows is a place where children can roam. The side of the building has mural art plastered by the bricks, showing different kids painted. Hyunjin stops and looks at it, a smile on his face. 

The other two volunteers are a bit older, and although they smile at them, Hyunjin feels somewhat inexperienced, or not belonging, but he knows it's probably just nerves. Felix on the other hand is all smiles, making a bit of small talk that he can. They don't speak any English, but somehow with Felix there's this universal agreement that no matter where he goes or who he talks to, there will be a lasting effect. 

Like the effect Felix has on Hyunjin right now. He looks cute in the white ‘ARTS4LIFE’ t-shirt from the center that they were all given to wear (and keep) for the day, and Felix pairs it with light washed jean shorts that are Hyunjin’s, to be fair. His blonde hair is styled in a half-down half-up though held up with a hairclip. He’s bare-faced, and tanned, face filled with freckles that Hyunjin could just kiss them all. 

But he needs to reel it in. He’s getting distracted. 

The group is then greeted by two supervisors, a tall man with brown hair named Ivan and a smiley woman with dirty blonde hair named Bonnie who translates in English for him, and shows the ropes of what to expect. 

When entering, Hyunjin can feel Felix’s excitement and willingness. His eyes are bright and wide, taking everything in. Ivan and Bonnie lead them down a long corridor that leads to a space where there’s a classroom setup large enough to fit about twenty kids. The walls are decorated with children’s artwork and handprints, desks are together in rows of five, and a TV screen is by the front, shelves of different books and art supplies are by the back. 

“So this is the classroom for our older kids, ages 9-12. In here, there’s more of a schedule where they’ll come inside and do their homework for the hour and a half, and then they have a twenty minute break where they usually go outside and play, and then when they come back in, they have their creative session where a teacher can prompt something, and the kids will draw what it means to them. They would each get the chance to present it by the end of the session.” Bonnie explains to Hyunjin and Felix after Ivan finishes talking in Züritüütsch to the others. 

Hyunjin nods, looking at the nearest artwork hung by the wall beside him. It's a really nicely drawn picture of the earth and two hands holding it. 

Ivan then leads them to a small door by the back of the room. When he opens it, there's an even smaller classroom with two round tables for five in the center. Here, the walls are painted yellow, and there are what Hyunjin would describe as much more elementary decorations of flowers, trees, and water that's printed up and hung. 

Ivan starts speaking and pointing over the classroom, and then Bonnie translates. 

“This is our other classroom for our younger kids, ages 6-8. They have a lot more freedom in this class. Parents bring them here to help their skills in learning how to draw. Teachers here like to focus on flowers, nature, basics like that.”

Hyunjin nods, feeling a bit more comfortable. At the same moment, Ivan turns to him and starts to speak. He smiles at his words, and whatever he says has the other volunteers smiling too, an impressive look on their faces. Hyunjin blinks, looking over at Bonnie waiting for the translation. 

“I've been told that you really love painting flowers and you're really good at it.” Bonnie says with a smile. 

Hyunjin immediately looks over at Felix, definitely surprised, but Felix just smiles, placing a hand over his arm. 

“He is, it's completely beautiful.” Felix replies. Then he looks at him, a questioning look on his face, though still radiant and proud. “Can I show them one of your paintings, is that okay?” 

All the attention is on Hyunjin now and though he feels slightly nervous, he nods, giving a small smile. 

Felix all but jumps for joy as he takes out his phone, almost as though he's been waiting for the opportunity in doing so. When he unlocks his phone, a picture of one of Hyunjin’s paintings of the bouquet of blue and red roses that he made back in December (for their past anniversary) is on display. Hyunjin can't help but chuckle. Felix had the picture ready to go in case there was the opportunity to show anyone. 

Felix holds out his phone and shows Bonnie first who instantly gasps and then smiles. “It's beautiful! Wow! I love it.” 

“Thank you.” Hyunjin can feel the heat on his face as Bonnie passes the phone to the other two volunteers and Ivan, who equally show their shocked expressions. 

“It's lovely. The colors and detail are exquisite.” Bonnie says, as the others are still looking at the painting. Hyunjin can't tell if she's translating or not, honestly. Everyone is saying their own thing, and when he thanks them enough, he looks over at Felix who has his hands folded under his chin, a proud look on his face. 

How do I even deserve you?

“How long have you been painting for?” Bonnie asks, as the phone is handed back to Felix. 

“Um…I always liked drawing as a kid, but they were just doodles whenever I couldn't focus on school or I had a lot on my mind, and then, as I got older…I took it more seriously when I wanted to learn how to do more. At first it was just wanting to do more pencil drawings and proper sketches, so I would search up the right pencils, and such. Then pencils started turning into acrylic paints that I wanted to buy, and I would start painting like that, then it was oil painting, and then as I continued there would be so many other elements I learned, but...yes.” Hyunjin giggles shyly when realizing he goes off on a mini-rant. 

He watches as Bonnie translates what he said to the others, and after a few seconds they all nod, looking back at Hyunjin with a smile. 

“You didn't go to school for it at all?” Bonnie asks.

Before Hyunjin can answer, he feels Felix’s hand on his shoulder. “No. He's a complete natural. He's so talented. Gifted at birth, honestly.” 

Hyunjin laughs. “Not that I didn't want to! I didn't have the time to take classes, as I debuted for my former entertainment company, so- like, dancing, singing, just more music, but um…I would've probably wanted to take a few classes to sharpen my skills.” He answers. 

Bonnie shakes her head. “Ah, you didn't need to. These are skills that can't be taught.” 

“Ah..." Hyunjin feels his ears turning red. "Thank you.” 

Bonnie translates the rest of the summary of their conversation and the others smile at him. Hyunjin is still shy of all of the attention, but he's really grateful that somehow there's a genuine interest in his art. It's something he’ll never fully get, being on the outsider lens of looking at the finalized project of his pieces and enjoying them, but Hyunjin’s grateful. 

Ivan starts to speak once more and Hyunjin and Felix wait for the translation. He points to the two of them, and then turns and points to the other two volunteers as he speaks. When he finishes, Bonnie starts. 

“Well, we’re excited to have you all here helping our community center. We will have Hyunjin and Felix be in this classroom with our smaller class, and I will be on supervision with you both, and then Ivan will take Sylvia and Sten to the other classroom and help supervise them.” 

Hyunjin and Felix nod, and when they look at each other, they exchange small smiles. Hyunjin is still nervous, but at least there was a bit of conversation with Bonnie that hit off, so it brings the nervous level a bit down. 

Ivan and the other two volunteers leave through the back door, going back to the other classroom, and Bonnie turns to Felix and Hyunjin. 

“So, the kids should start coming in about ten minutes. There’s about ten of them in this classroom in total. Because they've been keeping up really well with their English classes, they can speak in English and Züritüütsch, but if there’s anything they don’t understand, I can translate. Usually I take the time to set up the classroom, get all of the chairs sorted, get the tables wiped and art supplies ready.” Bonnie says. 

Felix nods. “Where would you want us to be?” 

“Can I have one of you put around fifteen sheets of paper on each table, and then by the shelf there are different coloring utensils that one of you can bring out as well.” 

“Okay.” 

“I’m just going to grab some water for us really quickly and then I’ll be back.” Bonnie heads to the door and then quietly closes it behind her. 

“Okay. Let’s do this.” Felix claps his hands and starts walking to the shelf, his eyes already on what to do. He has his focused face on and Hyunjin follows him, going to the back shelf. But when they get there, he can’t help but look at his boyfriend.

“So…how did Ivan know I could draw, again?” He asks. 

Felix doesn’t say anything as he keeps his eyes on the blank sheets of papers that he’s counting, but Hyunjin catches a proud smirk on his face. 

Hyunjin sighs, running fingers through his hair as he turns to get the different markers and colored pencils from their storage cases. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

Felix laughs then, looking up from the papers. "At the bottom of the resgistration form, they asked if there was anything else we wanted to share about ourselves." He shrugs, as shy look on his face. "I don't know, I just wanted to brag about you a little." 

Hyunjin's heart skips a beat. If he's not careful he'll melt away. 

Bonnie comes back about a minute later with water bottles that she places on the teacher’s desk, and the three of them spend the rest of the time setting up the classroom. She tells them last minute things that she thinks of about the classroom and the overall atmosphere, and while Hyunjin’s nervous, Felix is grinning from ear-to-ear. 

By 4:00pm, the children start to come in, dropped by their parents. They're a small and loud crowd but simply adorable, going to their seats immediately. Some of the children pick up some of the pencils and start coloring, while others talk amongst themselves. Hyunjin can’t help but smile, taking it all in, and when he looks over at Felix who goes to each table and greets them all, his heart skips a beat. 

“Okay class, today, we’re going to be working on drawing our plants and flowers. As you can see we have some friends named Felix and Hyunjin who will be joining us today, and they’re going to help color with us.” Bonnie introduces. She starts to clap which makes the kids clap as well, excited smiles on their faces. 

Hyunjin waves to the kids, chuckling at how cute they are. 

“Everyone say ‘Hi Hyunjin!” 

“Hi Hyunjin!”

“And say 'Hi Felix'!” 

“Hi Felix!” 

Hyunjin smiles, looking over at Felix who waves his hands back at them, the smile on his face putting everything else to shame.

The lesson starts then, where Bonnie shows a book called ‘A Big Book of Flowers’ where there’s different modern flowers that are pointed out to be drawn. At the end, when she gives the instruction for the kids to start drawing, Felix naturally walks to a table and sits down, talking with the kids. By ten seconds in, they’re already giggling at whatever he has to say. 

Hyunjin smiles at the wholesome view of it all, before he walks to the other table and grabs a chair, sitting down. 

“Can I draw with you guys?” He asks. 

Most of the kids nod, barely looking up from their paper, all except for a small girl who sits across from him with brown curly hair and big eyes. She looks like one of the older kids in the group, probably in her last year before she moves to the big classroom. 

“Is your name Felix?” 

Hyunjin chuckles, getting a sheet of paper. “No, my name is Hyunjin.” 

“I’ve heard of the name Felix before, but I’ve never heard of the name Hyunjin before.” 

Hyunjin smiles, reaching over to take the green pencil crayon. “That’s because my name’s Korean.” 

The girl’s eyes widen. “You have a Korean name?” 

Hyunjin nods. “Yes.” 

“Are you from Korea?” 

“I am.” 

“Do you live here?” 

Hyunjin holds back a laugh. “No, I just came here to travel for vacation. It’s very beautiful here, though, I might live here.” 

The girl pauses, her little eyebrows furrowed like she wants to say something, but doesn’t know if she can. Hyunjin just waits as he starts to lightly sketch out a hilly landscape. Then suddenly the girl giggles.

“Wait, I forgot your name, is it Hyunji?” 

Hyunjin laughs. “Hyunjin. You can call me Jinnie though, it’s easier.” 

“Jinnie?” 

“Yeah.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“It’s a nickname. Short for Hyunjin.” 

“Oh.” 

The girl goes back to coloring and Hyunjin just smiles. He forgets how curious kids are at their age, and it does something to his heart. They’re just small humans wanting to know the grasp of life. Hyunjin looks back at the girl. 

“Can I ask for your name?” Hyunjin asks. 

“It says it right here!” The girl points to a name tag sticker on her shirt and Hyunjin almost face-palms at how he missed that. He laughs, apologizes, and then leans forward to look. 

“Lila.” Hyunjin reads, and then nods. “Beautiful name.” 

Lila doesn’t say anything else and goes back to sketching. Hyunjin laughs at the irony of it all; it’s just his luck with kids. They’ll have a bonding moment and then in a matter of seconds they turn away from him as if he personally offended them. 

Hyunjin continues to sketch for the next few minutes, adding details of a small cottage house, like the ones that he’s seen on the way to Uster, and a local farmer by a fence. They’re at the background of the main image, which he wants to use as the center of a sunflower field. 

The other table is louder than the one Hyunjin’s in, or maybe it’s just because Felix is sitting with them. Hyunjin tries to keep sketching, and does so for the next few seconds before the kids across from him bursts out laughing, hands slammed on the table.  

Hyunjin looks up then and he sees Felix who throws his head back and laughs, holding up his paper for all of them. 

“What? Is it not good?” He asks, causing the kids to say ‘nooooo’ in unison. 

“I’ll draw it for you!” One little boy gets up from his seat and snatches Felix’s paper from his hand. 

“Oh, you’ll draw it?” 

“Yeah!” 

“Okay, show me how, and I’ll copy you.” 

“I want to show you my picture, Felix!” 

“Wait, let me show you how to draw a big flower!” 

“Look at my picture, Felix!” 

Hyunjin laughs as he watches Felix getting completely bombarded with the kids all up in his face as they hold up their colorings. It hasn’t even been a long period of time, but these kids are so comfortable with him. It’s so beautiful to witness. 

He’s caught staring at Felix who suddenly turns his head and looks at him. They both just look at each other for a second, almost like the background noises of the kids fade away, and it feels like a language understood, the conversation they’re having with their eyes. Felix doesn’t move his head, but his eyes point to the kids for a split second before looking back at Hyunjin with a full smile, almost as if to say ‘Can you believe we’re here right now?’. Hyunjin returns the look back and they both laugh. 

Then Felix sticks his tongue at Hyunjin playfully before turning his attention back to the kids.

Hyunjin laughs, shaking his head before turning back to his own table. He's completely whipped, like he traveled back in time to school, being a little kid having a crush on the pretty boy across the room. But he's also so proud and happy. This who Felix is- his very nature, his element, his place of being where he doesn’t have to worry about anything else and just be. The youthful part of him that will never die and gets healing in the company of children more than any other wealthy thing. 

And that alone suddenly makes Hyunjin realize something. Felix has loved their week together, going through all of the sights and touristic wonders. There’s no doubt about the light in his eyes, the wonder, the romantic feel of strolling along cobblestone roads and stopping to smell roses. But when Hyunjin watches Felix now, he can see that all of this doesn’t compare to this moment right now, where he is where his heart belongs. 

Felix loves the lowly, the innocence, the simplicities of these children. He laughs with them, and has the love of what children can sense is good, which is why they cling to him so. He views life through the lens of a child, and it inspires Hyunjin, making him fall even deeper. 

You have shown me what it means to truly be in love, because you love. You’re in the sound of children’s laughter, you’re in the mountains and lakes, you’re in the stillness-written in poems and verses, you’re in every film I have- every picture painted, you’re the sunshine in the morning, you’re my first breath and my last. 

You’re my everything. You're here, now, and real. And call me selfish, but I want more. I want us no longer two, but one. I need a bond bigger than a boyfriend can provide, but one that a husband will bask in.

Hyunjin feels his heart beat so strongly and he tries to catch his breath. He’s thinking about Switzerland, and Felix, and his own life, and it’s as though he’s pulled into flashbacks from when they were just barely adults meeting for the first time. It was like even then, he knew. He couldn’t have his life without him. The feeling he has is serious, and factual. He wants this forever, and he wants, craves, and desires for his forever to start now. 

I need to marry you. 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath, looking over at Felix one more time, the urge growing stronger in his chest like a pressure that burns him. It doesn’t make sense, but it does, but it’s too fast and yet he should have done this a long time ago, and is this real, and does he really want to, and- oh my soul I will regret everything if we leave Switzerland and I don’t propose-

Hyunjin forces himself to look back on the drawing that Lila is drawing. She’s coloring in the sun at the corner of her paper, a bright yellow color and Hyunjin smiles at the dedication she has to fill in every corner, leaving no blank spot. He points at the paper. 

“It’s beautiful.” He says, with a smile. 

Lilal smiles shyly as she continues to color. “I’m coloring the sun so that it can make my flowers grow.” She says, matter-of-factly, and Hyunjin nods. 

“That’s important.” 

“Because,” Lila suddenly looks up at Hyunjin, eyes wide. “Do you know that if we didn’t have the sun, we would be cold and weak?” 

Hyunjin hums, his gaze drifting back to Felix. “Yes, we would be.” 

Cold and weak- what I am without you. 

The rest of the time is spent like that, adding the finishing touches on his drawing, while his mind is now on to other things, like how will Hyunjin even return to normal once the thought of proposing is actually luring him in. Of course, Hyunjin’s always wanted to marry Felix, he’s been having these thoughts all week, but…there’s something different about the pull in his heart from today when seeing Felix with the kids. It feels right, like today is the confirmation of the urgency that tells Hyunjin that he needs to propose.

Tomorrow. 

Wait…

Tomorrow?!

You need to do it before you leave. You can’t leave Switzerland and go home without this important thing.

“Hey,” 

Hyunjin feels a touch on his shoulder and turns slightly, seeing Felix behind him. He’s so caught up in his thought he didn’t even realize that Felix had left his table and made his way over to his. Hyunjin gives a soft smile, stopping his leg from bouncing up and down as though anxious. 

“Yongbok-ah," He clears his throat, sitting up straighter. "What’s up?” 

“I was just going to grab another sheet of paper since you have extras.” Felix grins, leaning forward to take the extra paper on the table next to Hyunjin’s paper. “Wow, that’s beautiful.” he says, pointing to Hyunjin’s drawing. 

Hyunjin smiles looking down at the basically finished result. “You think?” 

Felix grins. “Mhm. Better than mine. The kids completely hate it.” 

“So I heard. Sorry angel, they’re going to have to help you out instead.” Hyunjin jokes, leaning back in his seat so that he can get some kind of contact with his boyfriend. Luckily, Felix gets the memo and rubs his hand up and down Hyunjin’s shoulder as he chuckles. 

“Yeah, yeah. At least they like me." Felix playfully argues.

Hyunjin just laughs, craning his neck more so he can look into his eyes. "Who wouldn't like you?"

Felix blushes, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "I’m going back now.” He announces, letting go of his touch on Hyunjin's back. Hyunjin nods, sitting back straighter. He loses the grounding touch and misses it already, but at least it was there for five seconds. 

Hyunjin watches Felix pass by his chair, starting to walk away. But then he stops in the middle of the classroom and turns around, looking over at Hyunjin with a dreamy look on his face. Hyunjin raises an eyebrow. 

“What?” He mouths. 

Felix shakes his head, smiling. “We’re actually doing it. We’re here in Switzerland helping kids with art in a classroom. It’s just like what we talked about when we were younger.” He says in Korean so it's only for the both of them to hear.

He has a thoughtful look on his face, like he's holding himself back from happy tears, but then in a second Felix shakes his head and gives one more soft smile before he then turns around, walking over to his table where the kids greet him almost immediately. 

Hyunjin turns back to his table. His eyes are down and on his paper, but his mind spins as he suddenly thinks of them years ago filming a 2 Kids Room Episode back in 2025. They did talk about this, it takes Felix to remind him that now Hyunjin remembers. He remembers the room with the purple walls and the bookshelves. He remembers the couch and the bed. He remembers his shorter hair, and Felix’s doe eyes. 

He remembers everything about that day. 

“What about you, what do you want to do?” Hyunjin asks, throwing the question back at Felix. He looks pretty, sitting in white with a cat plushie in his lap. His eyes are on Hyunjin as his elbow is planted on the couch head, fist underneath his chin. Hyunjin can’t look at him for too long because it’s too much for him at times, beholding beauty like that.

“Honestly…I really want to do a lot of volunteer work.” Felix answers. 

Hyunjin nods, not expecting anything less. “That’s nice.” 

“I want to go to schools while volunteering and take care of all the kids.” 

A vision passes through Hyunjin’s mind, as he sees a school in a small town in Switzerland, where the both of them are there helping out with kids who are drawing, and he gasps. 

“Then I’ll come by sometimes and teach them drawing.” Hyunjin relays, looking over at Felix for his reaction. 

Felix’s eyes widen like he wasn’t expecting that, and he speaks immediately. “Oh! That’d be amazing.” 

Hyunjin starts to see it all and sits straighter on the couch as he plans excitedly. “We’ll bring palettes and paints this much,” he spreads his arms around, gesturing. “‘Hey, let’s draw!’” He demonstrates, air painting. 

Felix smiles, his gaze never leaving Hyunjin for a second. “Right! That sounds fun.” 

“Let’s not throw away these romantic sides of us until the day we die.” Hyunjin vows, turning the conversation into a more serious speech. 

Felix nods. “I think that’s our chemistry,” 

“Right.” 

“Make life beautiful.” He says, his tone so soft that Hyunjin can do nothing else but nod and agree. 

“Yeah. Beautiful life.” He says, in English with a small smile as he leans forward to put down the fork he was holding on the table. 

“Beautiful life.” Felix echoes, gaze fond. 

Their talks there were of future tenses that they’re living in right now, and Hyunjin’s so grateful that the romantic sides of them never stopped even after all these years, that he finally ended up going to Switzerland and doing all the things he wished for. 

Hyunjin stares at his paper as he adds his signature at the bottom of the page. The simplicity of the Swiss cottage life stares back at him, reminding him of the fact that he's fully living in honor of the promise he made to himself to travel here one day. Hyunjin remembers that he had said it all in wishful thinking back then in the same room and at the same time, when before talking about the volunteer work, Felix first asked him the question of what he would want to do in 30 years. 

“What do you honestly want to do?” Felix asks in genuine interest, his eyes locked on him. 

“I want to travel the world, just world travel. I want to travel the world a lot.” Hyunjin replies, moving his hands in a globe gesture.

Felix angles his body so that he’s facing Hyunjin, just watching him as he speaks. “Which country do you want to go first?” 

Hyunjin doesn’t give it a second thought. “Switzerland.” 

Felix smiles knowingly. “Ah, of course. Exactly.” 

“Switzerland is seriously…” Hyunjin sighs, shaking his head. “I’m going to go there at a really important moment. I’ll never go before that.” 

Felix laughs loud, as he always did with any little thing Hyunjin said, putting his hands together in a single clap. 

“What would you want to do in Switzerland?” He then asks when the laughter dies down. 

Hyunjin feels himself smiling. “Just-!” 

“-just stay there?” 

“Yeah. Just having a cup of coffee in the morning there,” He lays his head back against the couch cushion and looks up at the ceiling in imagination while Felix does the same action though his eyes are still on him. “Looking out at the scenery like this, riding trains around…” He pauses, taking a deep breath as though he’s already there. 

“I want to do a Northern Europe tour too.” Hyunjin adds. 

“So you just want to relax.” Felix states, in a voice that thinks for him. 

Hyunjin nods, still holding on to the Swiss paradise dream. “Yeah.” 

Now, they’re both here, doing what both of them had wanted and achieved it both at the same time. It’s here and now that Hyunjin realizes that when they had decided to take the rare opportunity that they both had to have a vacation, it was done without looking back. Without realizing it, he saved going to Switzerland for that really important moment of being there for the first time with Felix, the really important moment of completing their wishes together, that…

Wait. 

Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrow as he blinks, his mind moving fast as he thinks of what he specifically said. 

“I’m going to go there at a really important moment. I’ll never go before that.” 

There were so many opportunities when the group disbanded to self travel and go to where Hyunjin’s never been before. He had done some, but Switzerland was always what he held off, even though he had the time and means of getting there. It just never felt right. 

Until now. 

Oh. My. Gosh. 

Suddenly it all makes sense now. The falling deep in love, the occurring thoughts of wanting to spend the rest of his life with Felix, in moments as random as breakfast together, or taking pictures in the streets of Zurich, or staying in reading the Bible and poetry, or taking the Luzern-Interlaken Express and seeing the alps, and being here in this community center helping out with the kids. It all makes sense. 

It’s scary, but it’s real, and the more Hyunjin thinks about it, the more he feels a wave of emotions hit him. It’s why he felt such a strong urge to marry Felix, to not leave Switzerland without getting down on one knee and asking for forever. 

Asking you to marry me and become mine for the rest of my life, is the important moment.

I was waiting to come here to propose to you.

Whether I realized it or not, I had rejected coming here by myself so many times because it wasn’t the right time. Now, my mind, my heart, my spirit, my soul, my body, everything is ready to receive you wholly. 

Hyunjin’s hand shakes as he tries to pick up his colored pencil. He looks at Felix, talking one-on-one with a girl who’s describing her drawing to him and Hyunjin exhales deeply. 

I can’t believe I didn’t realize. All this time my being was telling me that it was now, it’s the important moment, the right time. 

Tomorrow, I’ll give you the open invitation to my heart, my all, and my life, the rest of my days- fully yours. 

Forever. 

☾⋆⁺₊✧

Sometimes, there are moments where Hyunjin wishes that he and Felix weren’t as compatible as they are. Of course, it’s the best thing in the world, to have a lover who’s not just your best friend, but someone who can know and see you, to understand the moments where you can’t speak for yourself and vouch for you. 

But in other moments, moments like these where after they finish their helping for the day and all of the kids have left, Felix can’t stop looking over at Hyunjin- like he can see that there’s something wrong. 

But nothing is wrong. Nothing should be wrong. There should be absolutely no pressure with proposing to the love of your life from a sudden impulse that actually comes from the deeper revelation that this moment was freaking meant to be, like a prophecy foretold. 

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything as he puts the chairs away. He’s quieter than usual, and maybe that’s why there’s the sense that something’s wrong. Felix shouldn’t be that good at seeing right through him, though, and so Hyunjin makes sure that he tries to appear unaffected as he continues to clean up. They go through the last parts of the what they need to throw out or put back, and after a few minutes, they finish. 

“Gentlemen, thank you so much for all your help.” Bonnie says with a smile as she turns to face Hyunjin and Felix. 

“Thank you.” Felix and Hyunjin say in unison. 

“How was that?”

“It was so good, thank you so much for everything.” Felix says with a smile. He looks at Hyunjin for a second before looking back at Bonnie. “Hyunjin and I, we’re so thankful.” 

Hyunjin nods. “It was really fun, thank you for letting us come here.” 

“The kids really enjoyed it; they’re always so happy whenever we have anyone come in to help draw with them, and I’m so I’m glad you both took the time out of your vacation to be here and help out.” Bonnie says.

“Of course.” Felix shakes his head, almost looking mortified at the idea that it was a burden to be here. “It means the world to us that we got the chance to do this. A vacation is good, and it was for sure needed for us, but this was the highlight for me, in so many ways.” 

Hyunjin smiles faintly as he stares at Felix. He wants to hug him, hold him, kiss him, love him, marry him, anything and everything in between. 

Although impossible, I want us to have children of our own that I’d give you to make you this happy all the time.

Bonnie suddenly turns to Hyunjin and he blinks, standing a bit straighter so he can focus on whatever she has to say. She thanks him for showing his drawings and allowing the classroom to hang up the picture he drew today, even though Hyunjin thinks that it wasn’t even the best effort he could have done. Felix takes some pictures on his phone of the drawing posted by the front of the classroom, saying that it’s a souvenir that his boyfriend’s drawing is hung in a classroom in Switzerland. Hearing that makes Hyunjin think of the full circle and how far he’s come, even if it’s a quick sketch. 

After several goodbyes to the team (and selfies that Felix requests for), Hyunjin and Felix leave for the tram to head back to their AirBnb. The sun shines on them as they walk, and Felix places a hand on Hyunjin’s back, rubbing it gently. 

“We did it.” He smiles. 

Hyunjin blows his breath, pushing hair that falls in his eyes away as he looks down at the silhouettes of their footsteps walking. “We did.” 

“Hey, can you put this in your bag?” Felix suddenly asks, handing Hyunjin a folded piece of paper. Hyunjin looks at Felix, raising an eyebrow as he takes the paper.

“One of the girls, Elise- she was one of the smaller ones, 6 years old. She gave this to me. She wanted me to keep it.” Felix explains. 

Hyunjin unfolds the paper and pauses, looking down at the colors. It’s a picture of what Hyunjin thinks are trees. He sees the sun in the sky and smiling flowers, along with some scattered stars in the sky. There’s waves of purple colored water behind the plantation, like a mixture of the sky. Hyunjin smiles. 

“Cute.” 

“I know. She just showed me she was finished, and I was like ‘good job!’, but she just held the paper up at me, and told me to keep it.” Felix laughs. “She’s so cute. They all were, honestly. They’re so precious and kind.” 

Hyunjin chuckles faintly, putting the paper in his tote bag. He takes Felix’s hand and continues walking, so much of his mind clouded with a love he can only feel and not express. Not yet, not without actually taking the time to plan out everything. 

The tram that they find is pretty empty and Felix walks all the way to the back, Hyunjin following him. Felix sits down on the edge of his seat, and there’s no doubt that he’s still replaying the time of his life that he just had. But after a few minutes of silence, Felix softly nudges Hyunjin, bumping his shoulder against his. 

“Hey. Was that okay?” Felix asks, his voice dropping in a softer tone that just focuses on Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin nods quickly. “It was, I had a good time.” 

“It wasn’t like, too overwhelming or whatever?” Felix blinks his boba eyes at him, and Hyunjin shakes his head, taking his hand once more and squeezing. 

“No, no, no. Really. It was so good. I love seeing you with kids. It’s where you’re supposed to be.” 

Felix pauses, giving a look like he senses something, but he just squeezes Hyunjin’s hand back, and then moves it so that he carries their joined hands on his lap. “Thank you for doing that for me.” he says in a small hesitant voice. 

Oh, Hyunjin’s heart aches. Felix is so pure. He wants to reassure him that nothing’s wrong, that he’s had no problem with spending time in the classroom drawing with kids. He wants to tell him everything, but he’s sure that one thing will lead to another, and he’ll just ask Felix to marry him right now at the back of a tram. He just doesn’t want to do that- Felix deserves more. 

Hyunjin settles for just pretending to be normal as he leans forward and kisses Felix’s temple. “Thank you for doing that for us.” 

He looks out the window now, taking in the view. They’re going to be leaving tomorrow evening- saying goodbye to all of this alpine bliss, the real life painting of simple nature. He only has this one moment, the one shot tomorrow. It's pressuring to think about, as sudden doubts and questions hover his mind. 

But what if you reject me? What if it’s too soon? 

What if I can’t do this?

Maybe I am just going crazy. 

“Should we order in dinner tonight?” Felix poses, his eyes on Hyunjin, almost like they’re searching for something. 

Hyunjin nods, giving a small smile. “Yeah, for sure, that sounds good. Get anything you want.” 

Felix pauses, his gaze held at him. “Are you sure? What do you want?” 

“Whatever you want, angel. We can watch a movie too.” Hyunjin suggests, squeezing Felix’s hand three times. Felix stares at him for a few more seconds before he nods. 

“Okay. You okay?” 

“I am, really.” 

Felix raises an eyebrow and tilts his head, but doesn’t say anything. Hyunjin then smiles, letting go of Felix’s hand for a second so that he can wrap his arm around his petit shoulders. Felix automatically leans into Hyunjin’s side, a content sigh escaping his breath. Hyunjin kisses Felix’s hair, and then leans his head against Felix’s, the rest of the tram ride silent. 

I hope it all works out. 

When they get back to their AirBnb, the rest of the evening is quiet and minimal, with their own quiet activities of journaling on Felix's end, and listening to music on Hyunjn's end. After much later, Felix stretches his arms overhead, cracking his back. 

“I’m going to take a quick shower.” He announces as they head to the bedroom. He glances over his shoulder just as Hyunjin takes a seat at the edge of their bed. 

“You can join me if you want.” Felix offers softly. 

Hyunjin hates the fact that Felix can tell if something's wrong, since he’s talking with him so carefully now. It’s like there’s this guard almost, and Hyunjin feels guilty for causing Felix to worry since he was all happy and smiling a few hours ago. It’s just his mind that’s going back and forth between knowing what he wants to do, but suddenly doubting if he can pull it off. 

He needs advice. 

Wait. 

Advice. 

An idea suddenly pops into Hyunjin's head and he turns to Felix. “Um…you can start first, I’m just going to order dinner.” 

“You want me to wait for you?” Felix asks. 

Hyunjin shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. You go now, and then I’ll order and then take my shower really quickly after you’re done, and then you get to pick the movie.” 

Felix slowly nods. “Okay.” 

Hyunjin watches as Felix lingers for a second, almost wanting to say something else, but then he heads to the bathroom. The door closes behind him, and Hyunjin waits until he can hear the shower running. When it does, Hyunjin walks over to his nightstand and takes his airpods out of the pouch. He quickly takes his phone and connects his bluetooth, and goes to his contacts and clicks on who he knows can help him. 

The video call rings for a bit and Hyunjin waits, pacing around the room. He didn’t even look at what time is it in Seoul right now, and he’s sure that he might be busy, but hopefully he can pick up and-

“Hyunzales!”

Hyunjin smiles, feeling a relief in his chest as he smiles at Chan, on the other end of the phone. The background noise is constant, and he doesn’t expect anything else from the family, but it makes him smile regardless. After all these years, no matter what, Chan will always pick up for one of the boys. 

“I need to talk to you. Well…sorry, is this a good time? I can call back later.” Hyunjin asks, looking over at the bathroom door for a second, wishing that Felix will stay for a bit. 

Chan looks exhausted, his dark hair (that’s managed to start growing even more since the last time Hyunjin’s seen him) unkempt and slight bags under his eyes. He still smiles though, flashing dimples as he walks away from where he was once in the kitchen, and down the hall. 

“No, no, no, you’re fine. Of course we can talk. I’m sorry, the girls don’t have school today, they’re finishing their breakfast and their,” He pauses to do air quotes with his fingers, “Lovely Aunt Hannah is on her way, she’s supposed to take them to the park this morning.” 

Hyunjin blinks, and then chuckles. “Right, it’s like, morning for you right now.” 

“Yup. Early morning chaos." Chan sighs. "What about you, it's evening now, right?” 

Hyunjin glances at the clock. “Just after. Though we're getting a late night dinner.” 

“Oooh, dinnertime." Chan starts heading to his office down the hall, and the noise of little kids shouting over a cartoon starts fading away.

Hyunjin smiles faintly as he now goes to sit at the edge of his bed. When he sits down he looks back at Chan over the screen.

"How are you? How's the wife?" He asks.

"She's good, just sleeping right now. She just finished her 14-hour shift. The only reason why it's not dead-quiet in the house is because she sleeps better with noise. She prefers when the girls are screaming, honestly, it'll knock her straight to sleep." Chan chuckles, shaking his head.

Hyunjin snorts. "Strange woman." He says, playful. 

"Tell me about it. But that's my strange woman, and I wouldn't have it any other way." Chan smiles, a fond look in his eye.

Hyunjin smiles. He's really happy that Chan's at the domestic part of his life that he's always wanted. He's done so much for each of them, that a life as a husband and a father just about makes sense as the reward he deserved for being husband and father-material from beginning. 

"Hopefully when Hannah comes and takes the girls the house can be a bit quieter. For me, at least." Chan adds. 

"So Hannah's back in Seoul right now?” 

Chan yawns. “Yeah, for a little bit. I picked her up from the airport last night. She has a couple of shows here and so she’s staying at a hotel about ten minutes away.” 

“She’s not staying with you?” Hyunjin teases. “Some brother you are, letting her stay at some hotel.”  

Chan laughs. “Hey, I offered! Hannah’s the one that refused. But I get it, I mean, it’s harder with the kids. They wouldn’t let her sleep, and between schedules, and press she has to do…”

Hyunjin nods, his mind flashing back to the idol life they once had. He knows how difficult it can be to be distracted on the job. “Yeah.” 

“Anyway,” Chan enters his office and closes the door behind him. He walks over to his desk chair and sits down. “Though I love whenever you check on me, I know you didn’t take time out of your vacation to call me just to ask about the family. What’s going on, you okay?” 

Hyunjin lets out a breath. "Y-yeah, I’m okay.” 

“You sure?” Chan asks, his eyebrows furrowed. 

Hyunjin swallows, nodding. “Yeah.” 

Chan tilts his head to the side. “Hyunjin, whatever it is, you can tell me.” 

Hyunjin looks down at his hands. It’s the same tone- that gentle graceful tone that had been used on him, and all of the members so many years ago. A voice that never judged, that could hear him out with any trouble or worry he had. The one that was and is still- despite being a literal father with his hands full- there for each of them. 

Hyunjin looks back at the closed bathroom door, as Chan just waits, not pressuring. He doesn’t even know how to say it all. The shower is still running, but Hyunjin feels nervous anyway, but with thinking of Felix and everything that’s happened, without any thought of building it up, the words just blurt out. 

“I’m, um...I'm proposing. Tomorrow.” 

Hyunjin’s met with silence, which of course is normal and expected. Chan blinks several times, unmoved, a mixture of emotions hitting his face. First his eyebrows furrow and then they raise as his eyes widen, then he blinks again, and finally looks at Hyunjin through the screen. 

“You’re proposing.” Chan says, not in a question but a statement. 

Hyunjin nods. "Yes.”

“Tomorrow.” 

Hyunjin lets out a breath, his heart rate picking up. “Yeah.” 

Chan pauses once more for a few seconds before his face breaks into a smile. “You’re proposing to Felix tomorrow.” 

Hyunjin nods, suddenly feeling a mix of different emotions at once. To hear the sentence just said like that coming from someone else - you’re proposing to Felix tomorrow- it sounds real, but also at the same time he feels like he’s dreaming. 

“Faaaaar out, man, congrats!” Chan says, fully smiling now, like it’s just registered what Hyunjin said. 

“You can’t say congrats yet, though. He has no idea about it and he may say no.” Hyunjin says, his voice lowered so Felix can’t hear anything. Even though he’s still showering, Hyunjin doesn’t want to take his chances. 

Chan gives a confused look. “Okay, I’m ignoring whatever you said about Felix saying no and telling myself you’re just nervous.” He sits up straighter in his seat, giving a smile. 

“Wow. That’s huge, Hyunjin.” 

“I know. And it’s crazy. I didn’t even…” Hyunjin sighs, running fingers through his hair. “I didn’t even know I was going to do it. Just, throughout this whole week, Felix has been…oh my goodness- I don’t think I’ve loved him more. I swear it’s like I was falling in love with him for the first time, just all over again. I just kept on having this thought in my mind that said I wanted to marry him, I need to marry him, but it got really serious today after we did some volunteering at a community center drawing with some kids.” 

Chan smiles softly at that, nodding along. 

“You should’ve seen it, hyung, the kids were all over him. And the thing is, we did everything this week. We went to the Luzern-Interlaken Express, we got to see the Kunsthaus Zürich art museum, we took walks, we went shopping, we went to so many different things and ate great food, and yet…being with kids was his favorite place. I could tell, he just lit up. And he’s so beautiful.” Hyunjin feels the words keep spilling, straight from his mind without stopping. 

“We have talked about, y'know, getting married in a faraway future sense, and I knew that coming to Switzerland with Yongbok would mean something to me, but…I remember years ago when we were talking about what we wanted to be doing 30 years from now, and I said I really wanted to go to Switzerland, and we talked about helping kids together in schools and volunteering, just drawing with them. But I said that I would only go to Switzerland for an important moment, and not before that. I didn’t realize it, but I was subconsciously talking about how the one important moment of being in Switzerland was to propose to Felix. I have to do it here. We’re heading back home tomorrow, and I just…I can’t go through this whole week- if I went through this whole week in the place I’ve always wanted to go to for so long with Felix, and then went back to Seoul without doing it, then that was all in vain. This would all be a loss. I have to do it here. I can’t not do it here.” Hyunjin says, stopping to catch his breath. 

Chan doesn’t say anything, and his eyes are away from the screen, but he’s attentive as he nods to every word. It’s safe now that everything’s come out. Hyunjin lets out a breath, looking out the window. 

“I know that sounds crazy…” He mutters. 

“It’s not crazy. Not even close. Hyunjin...” Chan pauses for a second before he shakes his head.

"You’ve lived a life that’s always been about others. You’re drawn to the beauties of the world, you’re drawn to your passions and hold on to what drives you. Your heart is your compass. And when it steers you in the right direction, you follow. It’s the reason why even as, basically a child,  you stayed up so many long nights to help Felix with his Korean the very first days you knew him. You knew, deep down in your heart, that he was someone you were destined for. If you didn’t follow that voice in the beginning, you wouldn’t be here right now telling me that tomorrow is the start of the rest of your life together.” Chan says. 

Hyunjin lets out a breath, feeling his eyes starting to water. There’s no point to hide any emotion he has when Chan talks like this, when his mind brings him back to the flashbacks of first seeing Felix and somehow knowing it would be more than just a silly crush. 

“I just don’t know if…if I’m getting ahead of myself. I know Felix loves me, I know that. But…it’s just this scary thing of questioning whether it’s too much. Am I confusing love with obsession, am I speaking for myself and not considering the logical side of things?” Hyunjin asks, bringing his hand to wipe the corner of his eye. 

Chan nods. "You're not alone in that. I remember thinking I was crazy for wanting to propose so soon. I asked myself if she even wanted to be tied down to me, if I even deserved her. And I get it for you guys, y'know, you two live in different areas, and now you have to think about your shared investments, and things like that, and of course, there’s bound to be doubts."

He pauses, taking a breath. "But…when it comes to love, most specifically the love you both share, you make the choice of what you honor. Do you honor the voices that will try to tell you things that make you doubt and reconsider, or do you honor the fact that you’re quite literally stepping into what you dreamed of? Whom your eighteen-year-old self already chose?” Chan asks. 

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything as he thinks back to that room, that place where he had seen Felix walk back into his life after he was eliminated. It didn’t feel real, it was almost like a piece of him was restored when he looked back into Felix’s eyes. And when he smiled at him, like all was right with the world, Hyunjin couldn’t even keep eye contact, shaking his head as he looked down at his shoes. He knew from that day, he’d be forever smitten. 

He still thinks about his teen self and how far they’ve come since then. There were highs and lows, and weren’t perfect, but they’re here now on the other side. And if they’ve gone through so much of concealing who they were and were able to get out of it, they can go through anything. 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath. “I want…I want to honor who my eighteen-year-old self already chose.” He nods with a little smile, blinking back tears even though they’re already spilling. 

Chan smiles, and Hyunjin swears he sees his eyes glisten through the screen. “Good. You deserve a beautiful life together. And you know what else?’ 

Hyunjin shakes his head and sniffles. “No, what?” 

“Felix deserves to get proposed to in Switzerland. If you love him, love him loud. He’s got so much love to give. So make sure you’re giving him that much love in return.” Chan smiles, a look so proud on his face. 

Hyunjin nods. “I will. I promise.”

A loud thud suddenly is heard from outside the room, and both Chan and Hyunjin jump.

“Sweet mother of-” Chan stands up from his chair immediately. 

“Is everything okay?” Hyunjin asks. 

Chan doesn’t respond, but rushes to open the door. He gets to the hallway, the phone lowered down now to where his shirt is the only thing visible to the screen. It’s muffled so Hyunjin only hears some talking, and then the sounds of little voices before Chan sighs, holding the phone back up. 

“Everything’s fine…a juice container fell so there’s juice spilled everywhere. I’m gonna have to clean this up.” 

Hyunjin chuckles. “Poor dad.” 

Chan shoots a glare as he heads to the kitchen, “You’re laughing now, but don’t come complaining to me when your kids start wreaking havoc for science.”

He places his phone perched somewhere by the kitchen table and Hyunjin watches as he gets some paper towels. 

Hyunjin smiles, the scene of Chan cleaning up after people a familiar scene in front of him. He thinks about all of the times when they were living with each other. Chan was always so responsible that it only made sense that after Stray Kids, a family had to be in order. 

 “Hey, Chan-ah…” Hyunjin sing-songs. 

“What?” 

“I feel like we weren’t that bad when we were your kids.” 

Chan slowly turns, blinking as he stares at Hyunjin. “No, you guys were worse.” 

Hyunjin’s jaw drops. Wow. 

“And what the heck? You still are my kids, even though you’re all grown, and moved out, and getting married and stuff.” Chan adds, squatting down to blot the spill. 

Hyunjin can’t help but smile. “Good.” 

There’s a beat that passes and Hyunjin ends up sighing, thinking about the way that life is ending up for them all. They’re all still in each other’s lives to the extent that they can’t go a few days contacting each other, even if it’s just to say hi. But life is so scary, strange, and beautiful in the sense that you’ll have people that shaped some of the most pivotal moments of time, and then soon when it’s all over, everything’s quieter. The bond is still there of course, beyond borders, and Hyunjin would still, after all these years, do anything for his former members. He just misses the time of his youth sometimes, and all of the memories they created. 

He sighs, looking down. “I wish you were here tomorrow. I wish all of you guys would be.”

That causes Chan to stop cleaning for a second. He lets out a sigh.

“I wish we were too. But we’ll be there every step of the way. I’ll send you a budgeting plan right now if you want it, Changbin will contact real estate agents, Jeongin will fly out for you both, Minho will man the catering team, Seungmin will throw a chong-gak party if you want, and you know Jisung will mix the reception playlist. No one’s missing the big day, for anything in this world, not when our favorite pair is finally tying the knot.” 

Hyunjin smiles, feeling a bit better even though he still misses them. “Thanks, Chan-hyung.” 

“Of course.” 

Before anyone can say anything else, they're interrupted by a loud rhythmic knock on the door and Chan rolls his eyes while there’s sounds of cheers and running footsteps. 

“Aunt Hannah’s here! Hooray!” 

“Girls, no! No running! Let appa get the door.” Chan gets up and sighs. “I swear…”

Hyunjin can’t help but chuckle. “I’ll let you go. I have to go order dinner anyway. I’ll call you later though. Probably tomorrow. After everything. Or when I’m confused or anxious about something.”

Chan walks over to the table to pick up the phone now, and he gives a small smile. “Okay. I’m always here, okay?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Tell Lix I said hi,” 

“Will do.” 

“And Hyune?” 

Hyunjin looks back at the screen, raising an eyebrow. “Yes?” 

Chan smiles full, and his expression is proud that it’s enough to feel like Hyunjin can do this. “The next time you’re talking about him, I better hear you say ‘my fiancé’.”

Hyunjin laughs, but his heart skips a beat at the thought, nonetheless. “Alright, hyung. Talk to you later.” 

“Alright, laters!” 

When they hang up the phone, Hyunjin flops backward on his bed, just staring at the ceiling. 

I. Am. Going. To. Ask. Felix. To. Marry. Me. Tomorrow. 

He feels better after the phone call with Chan. There’s still nerves, no doubt. There’s questions about the ring, not knowing whether or not he wants to do something simple yet so them but not worry about it too much since they’ll be replaced by the wedding rings themselves, or, if he should go all out because it’s Felix and he deserves everything beautiful and more. Hyunjin’s going to have to wake up early tomorrow and find a jewelry store without Felix knowing anything. He’s going to have to decide where's the best place to propose, and what he’s going to say, and how he’ll say it. He doesn’t know if he should let the rest of the guys know about what’s going to happen, or his family, or…dear God, he didn’t even ask Felix’s mom for her blessing! 

Hyunjin closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. He forces himself to take it one step of a time. Everything else can be taken care of, the most important thing is that he does what his teen self wanted, that he honors the choice of choosing Felix. 

The water eventually stops, and Hyunjin opens his eyes, but makes no movement to get up. He’s still wondering if he’s somewhere between a dream or real life, if he’s sleeping or awake. 

Is this real?

The door opens and Felix steps out in his bathrobe, looking absolutely ethereal. Hyunjin can’t help but swallow, his eyes taking in his small frame enveloped in a large robe that could slip at any given moment. 

“The bathroom’s free. Did you order?” Felix asks. 

Shoot. 

“Oh…” Hyunjin sits up. “I’m sorry, I honestly…I forgot, but I can do it right now.” 

Felix walks over to where Hyunjin is and sits beside him on the edge of their bed. “Are you sure you’re alright?” 

Hyunjin nods. “Yeah. I swear I am, really. Seriously, I…I was a bit scattered in my mind for a bit, but I’m better now.” He answers, reaching over to brush a strand of wet hair away from Felix’s face. The cold of the water doesn’t bother him when he looks into Felix’s eyes, deeply appreciating whoever crafted his soft features, the stars on his face. 

He can tell Felix melts a little, being the center of Hyunjin’s attention. And that’s all Hyunjin wants in life, to bask in his presence. 

“I’m not going to pressure you, but if you want to talk to me,” Felix shrugs. “I love you, I’m not going anywhere, and I’m here.” 

It’s taking everything in me not to get down on one knee right now. 

Hyunjin leans forward and plants kisses on Felix’s cheek, trying to love on as many freckles as he can. Felix squirms and giggles, trying to move away. 

“Jinnieeee, we have to order food, I’m hungry.” 

Hyunjin pulls away, holding his hands up in a surrender pose. “Right, right, you’re right. Do you want anything in particular?” 

The rest of the evening is spent in a soft domestic bliss, which Hyunjin considers perfect for the last night here in Switzerland. And as night eventually falls on them and they lay together in bed, Hyunjin can’t seem to fall asleep even after the lights are off. He holds on to Felix tighter, breathing in his scent and kissing his hair while his mind relays what’s to come. 

The last night of being boyfriends. They were the best years of my life. 

Tomorrow I will honor the love we chose to preserve, even when things got hard and when people criticized us. Tomorrow I will declare my love to you as though for the first time, but this time with deeper intentions. 

I love you so much. 

I can’t wait to marry you. 

☾⋆⁺₊✧

Hyunjin doesn’t sleep at all. 

He’s staring at the ceiling in the darkness, his head swimming with ideas. Dawn will be over them soon, and even though he knows that it would be better if he was well rested for this proposal, his body just can’t register the fact that sleep would help. 

It’s now 4:13am. 

T-minus 9 hours proposing.

Hyunjin figures that it makes sense to propose around the afternoon, sometime around the 1pm hour since they’d still have to head to the airport by 6pm. They don't get the full day, and Hyunjin knows how fast the hours of the day move, so as soon as they're done with breakfast he’ll take them somewhere really special and then propose. And then, if all goes well, they’ll still have a bit of time for themselves until they need to head back early enough to get ready to take the tram to the airport. 

He tries to at least close his eyes, but there is no peaceful rest. Thoughts of getting down on one knee and looking Felix in the eyes are exciting and scary all at the same time. 

It’s normal. It's nerves, and Hyunjin knows that it's normal. It's fine. 

Everything has to be perfect though. 

For the sake of Felix’s rest, Hyunjin doesn't groan out loud to just try and silence the negative thoughts that say Felix won't want to marry him. They've just spent a whole week proving none of that, for crying out loud. Instead, Hyunjin lies down. A man trapped in his own disbelief it's even happening. 

The talk with Chan helped him a lot, don't get him wrong, but still, right now in the hour of doubts, he just wishes he wouldn't feel so alone with this. He knows he has Chan, and all of the guys’ never wavering support, but he still has to be the one to do it. 

It's not about asking for permission or needing a blessing from the guys, but it's about crafting the way of which his proposal will go, and that part, getting to ask Felix to spend the rest of his life with him, Hyunjin has never imagined without the rest of the guys being there. 

But it's okay, it's life, and they're there in spirit. 

Hyunjin doesn't know what's coming over him as he finds tears reach his eyes. It must be a little bit of everything all at once. It's the trip itself, and the fact that they're leaving this place to where Hyunjin feels his heart has declared his home away from him. I's the grieving of his young self, although he does recognize he's still young, but there's still a chapter of something closing. And, it's Felix, just Felix. 

Loving him, choosing him, doing life with him, being with him, having Felix love him back, is an honor from heaven and blessing from the stars. Hyunjin can kind of understand what Chan was talking about, that level of questioning whether or not you even deserve the person you love. 

Hyunjin’s hand comes to his face and he wipes away the tears, letting out a small sigh. He can't stay in his bed, there's just too much thinking that has overtaken his mind, and he just sits with the fact that there's no slumber coming to him. 

The day that they had yesterday must have been over-fulfilling because Felix doesn't even stir when Hyunjin gets up and leaves the bed. In fact, from the angle that Hyunjin sees, it sort of looks like Felix is smiling in his sleep. 

He is happy that they did end up getting this vacation, even if it was a week away from work and the real world. Felix works so hard and never complains, even when there's some days when you can see the exhaustion in his eyes. So Hyunjin’s very grateful that life graced them with the time in having a break, and he considers it all a success if Felix feels so comfortable enough to smile in his sleep.

Hyunjin heads to the bathroom and starts his day, trying not to turn the faucet too loud when he brushes his teeth or use that much water that would wake Felix up for the shower. When he's done, he still just changes into normal indoor clothes because the sky is still so dark and nothing’s open right now, but he does step outside anyway, carefully opening the door to the porch. 

In this hour, anyone would consider Hyunjin mad to be just out here like this while the rest of the city is sleeping, but it does give a sense of peace, only hearing the sounds of crickets. As he looks up in the darkened sky, there are stars as bright as diamonds, so far up and away from where he is, and Hyunjin feels so small down on earth, keeping his gaze upwards. 

Somehow, he searches for Felix among them and wishes for him. 

The moon is a crescent one that’s far brighter than anytime Hyunjin would catch one and he wonders for a moment if there's a reason why the constellations shine so bright here. 

Because they're telling you that you were meant to be here to propose. They are the confirmation of how peaceful it is to be with Felix for the rest of your life. It's not about how it seems crazy, but it's about how it seems right. 

And to those who wouldn't understand, right would always look crazy to the naked eye. 

Hyunjin lets out a breath and just stays there, under the stars, trying to navigate this. He's been planning everything for this trip, and yet this one is the most important, most special, and most real. Beyond anything else, nothing compares to the life he’ll live and the honor he’ll bring to his eighteen-year-old self. 

After a few minutes, there’s the first small signs of the sky getting lighter and before Hyunjin really realizes what he’s doing, he’s back inside grabbing his art supplies and headphones, doing what he barely had time to do this week. 

Painting has always been an intimately patient process, and one that’s served as therapeutic for moments when he couldn’t say his thoughts out loud. It’s been there for him during the most vulnerable and lonely times of his life and it welcomes him now, at 4:30, in the dark. 

Hyunjin steps back outside with his bag and blank canvas he has, and he sets up his equipment, turning the porch light on to see. Suddenly everything seems more alive in the dimly-lit orange light. Fortunately, their bedroom is on the other side of the house so Felix won’t be disturbed, and with another small glance at the sky, and his calm piano playlist softly playing from his headphones, Hyunjin begins to sketch. 

He starts with the general landscape first. It’s a bit of a challenge to get all of what’s there considering everything’s still so dark out, but Hyunjin thinks about what he remembers seeing in the daytime. There’s the slight view of the top of foothills and distant mountains for one, so he starts to lightly outline what makes the landscape. He makes the outlines of trees sprout from different corners of the page and adds surrounding bushes as well. The space at the center is reserved for the water, which even right now Hyunjin knows is very still. He places dots on various places at the top of the canvas, marking each of the stars, and then after pulling the canvas away and tilting his head to see all of the compositions of the sketch, it satisfies him, and Hyunjin starts taking out the oil paints.

When painting, Hyunjin usually likes to work on the best or favorite parts of his paintings last, and so he starts to focus on the bottom half, mixing greens on his palette for the hilltops, bushes and trees. He doesn’t want there to be too much light so there’s more shading, creating a shadowy effect. All the while, his mind- though detailing the overall tone he wants to portray with this hint of dawn through painting- goes to the rest of the day and starts planning for how this will all be conducted. 

Where would I go to ask you to spend your life with me? Where’s the perfect place to confess the one and only desire of my life? 

Hyunjin thinks about somewhere secluded and not very popular and crowded, but also beautiful. Though he knows that here in Switzerland, finding a beautiful part is basically anywhere. But for Felix, Hyunjin wants to kick up the notch at least a little bit, despite how short notice everything is. 

Can I even pull this off?

Hyunjin doesn’t take long with all of the greens and finishes the painted section of the bottom half of the canvas. He moves on to the water, although tackling it with darker paints because the sun hasn’t touched it yet. It’s one of the darker paintings that Hyunjin loves to appreciate, the stillness that can be felt through colors and expressions, that can penetrate the heart of one who stares into it long enough. 

Hyunjin remembered looking up different jewelry stores that are near where he’s staying and the earliest open he’s seen is at 9:30am. Felix usually is up earlier than that so Hyunjin will really have no idea how he’ll manage to go out, buy the ring, and return without any suspicion of where he’s gone. Though he hates being discreet and hiding anything from his boyfriend, he’ll have to stop by any food place to bring back something small and completely irrelevant to distract Felix. 

The only stress reliever Hyunjin has about the whole thing is that he knows Felix's ring size, thank goodness. 

As Hyunjin continues his painting he also thinks of the set up. He wants the proposal to be filmed, at least something he can look back at. He’ll bring their vlog camera, as throughout the week they’ve been filming some content while shopping and while on the Express. He can pretend that he’s taking a bit more from their Switzerland vlog, so Felix will be aware. He’ll bring the tripod stand just in case, so that if they’re in a really pretty place, there will be them and the view of the landscape as well. 

I wonder if you have an idea of what’s going to happen today. 

The rest of the painting comes out with time and care, but Hyunjin may or may not have tried to speed up a bit of the process when the hints of the sun started rising. Not that the painting can’t or shouldn’t have the sun in it, and definitely not because it isn’t the most gorgeous view to witness, but Hyunjin wants this to be a picture of the moment - a souvenir of the dawn before he proposed. 

Hyunjin spends the rest of his time perfecting the stars with the right amount of shine. He adds a bit more to the dark blue/almost purple hues to the sky, touches on the rest of the trees, hills and bushes, and then decides to place the balcony rail last minute so he personalizes the piece. He manages to finish his painting just as the sun starts to ride above the distant mountains and over the horizon. Every few seconds a bird passes, soaring over the landscape in line, and Hyunjin thinks to himself that although he loves the days spent here, there’s just something about those Swiss mornings. 

Hyunjin looks down at his finished artwork. He really likes it, but when Felix wakes up, he’ll get an extra set of eyes to tell whether or not the capture of still life before the sun is accurate enough. 

He then stands up and stretches, rolling his neck from side to side. A small yawn escapes him and he reaches to grab his phone, checking the time. It just hit 6:47am and Hyunjin’s shocked at how much time has passed by. Evidently, when he’s really in the zone when it comes to painting, so many hours can go by without him realizing it. 

But today, the hours actually mean something, and Hyunjin cannot afford to waste time. 

T-minus 7 hours until proposal. 

When Hyunjin gets back inside to put all of his paint stuff back and takes out his fold up easel to put the newly finished artwork on there so it can dry in the living room. All of the house is quiet and when he checks the bedroom, Felix is still sleeping peacefully. His eyelashes flutter rapidly and Hyunjin wonders what type of dreams he’s having. 

The morning is lazy but restless as Hyunjin tries to sit down and rest his eyes for a few seconds, and when that fails miserably, he gets up and checks his phone, trying to find the perfect place for them to be in. A few minutes pass and Hyunjin sees from his search results of a certain park trail they can start to take a walk in, which will be leading up to Lake Zurich, with a view of the mountains. Hyunjin heads to the living room now and sits on the couch, looking through the photos and reviews. 

It looks beautiful with the view of the mountains among the deep clear blue lake and surrounding flower beds in the meadow. It's secluded from the park as well, and on a higher altitude since the trail is a bit of a hike, but it embodies what peace and stillness would share between two people. 

Oh. Hyunjin feels his heart start to beat a bit faster. This is it. 

Hyunjin saves the tab of the directions in getting to the park, and then goes to another search for the jewelry store that had the earliest opening. The place is called Niessing Zürich and Hyunjin saves the tab immediately after seeing the reviews. It’s about forty minutes away, and it opens at 9:30am, and Hyunjin tells himself that he’ll have to get ready now to get there so that he’s by the store at 9:29.

Knowing some of the plans takes away a little bit of the stress that Hyunjin’s had, but he it’s still a big day...and yet he somehow has to pretend is still a normal day. 

After a few minutes of searching, Hyunjin hears the shower turn on upstairs and he checks the time. It’s 8:17am and somehow he has to find a way to go outside and get breakfast, and the ring, all without Felix having any idea of what’s going on. 

He better move fast. 

Hyunjin feels like the worst person in the world for doing this yet again, but all things considered it will be the last time he has to do it…if Felix doesn’t kill him first. 

It’s unfair that Hyunjin has to rush upstairs to their bedroom and not see Felix on the bed, hear him taking a shower (and singing to himself to which Hyunjin finds is so adorable), and choose to leave him behind. Especially since this is their last morning in Switzerland. 

Ugh, he’ll never forgive himself. 

Hyunjin takes another sheet of paper from the notepad on the nightstand and writes once more. 

I love you so so much I’m just going to grab us breakfast really quick and then come back so we can eat together 

I LOVE YOU 

Hyunjin changes into a pair of black trousers and a cream colored t-shirt, something that’s a bit more than the casual attires he’s been wearing, but not too formal enough for there to be a discussion. When he gets everything sorted, he glances at the bathroom door one more time. He can’t just leave like he did the last time- it’s not in his heart. 

Hyunjin walks over to the bathroom door and slowly opens it a bit. “Angel?” 

The singing cuts immediately, and the shower curtain opens a little bit, revealing the bit of Felix’s head to bare shoulders. He looks over at Hyunjin and gives an embarrassed smile. 

“You scared me.” 

Hyunjin chuckles. “Sorry.” 

Felix blinks and tilts his head when he takes in Hyunjin’s outfit. “Are you going somewhere?” 

Hyunjin swallows, nodding slowly as he tries to act normal. “Yeah, I’m just going to grab breakfast really quickly. Did you want anything in particular?” 

Felix makes a humming noise for a few seconds before he grins cheekily. “Can I have that carrot cake from Babu’s again?”

Hyunjin laughs. “Why am I not surprised?” 

“Your breakfast consists of a coffee, you can’t talk.” Felix shoots back. 

Hyunjin laughs then, clapping his hands. “Okay, fine. I’ll get that, and then maybe some bagels for both of us. Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath, running fingers through his hair for a second. He’s not giving anything away, but from this next question he’ll ask, that will officially start the countdown for what is going to happen. 

“I, uh…there’s this park I want to check out before we leave, after we have breakfast...if that’s okay with you?” Hyunjin asks. 

Felix nods. “Okay. Well, I mean, will we have time to? We have to leave here and bring the keys back and get to the airport before six. Before five, even.” 

“It shouldn’t be too long. It won’t be long.” Hyunjin answers firmly. 

Felix stares at Hyunjin for a second with a blank look before he nods. “Okay, fine.” 

“Okay.” Hyunjin checks the time and sees it’s now 8:19am. He looks back up at Felix and smiles, pointing his thumb behind him. “I have to go.” 

“Alright, bye! I love you!” Felix waves before pulling the shower curtain back so Hyunjin can’t see him anymore. Hyunjin cups his mouth and yells out ‘I love you more!’ in a booming voice which causes Felix to laugh and Hyunjin smiles, closing the door behind him. 

Then he realizes it’s 8:19. He has to go now. 

Hyunjin grabs his tote bag and rushes out the door, heading straight to the tram stop that’s about a minute’s walk away from where they’re staying. By some form of luck just as Hyunjin gets to the stop, the tram that he needs comes right along and Hyunjin gets on it. 

He drums his hands on his thighs as he sits, creating a rhythmic beat of nerves as he looks out the window. This is it. There’s no going back after this. He was really lucky that Felix just let him go outside without offering to come with, which makes half of the job easier, but Hyunjin is still very nervous. The nerves will probably stop by the end of the day, but even then, if all goes well, he’ll probably still lose sleep. 

The tram ride feels slow and Hyunjin keeps checking the time on his phone as though each minute checked will enable the tram to go faster. It doesn’t, of course. 

But finally at around 9:25, the tram arrives at his stop and Hyunjin gets off, trying to speed-walk his way through the sidewalk, glancing up and down from his phone to the different stores to see where the shop is, and at one point Hyunjin almost passes by Niessing Zürich, but spots the name hung in big letters and he stands by the door and waits. Their store opens in five minutes, and the doors are still closed, but he sees the lights open. 

At 9:29, one of the workers, a small woman with dark curly hair and brown skin, opens the door. Hyunjin gives a small smile in her direction as he steps in. 

“Good morning.” She says with a small smile. 

Hyunjin bows his head slightly and smiles back. “Good morning. I…” He hesitates, as he looks around at the glass displays of golds, diamonds, silvers, sapphires, gems, stones, rubies, quartzes and emeralds. Every piece of jewelry sparkles in the corner of his eye and he looks back at the woman who looks at him. 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to be a difficult customer, especially when you just opened,” 

The woman surprisingly laughs, shaking her head. “No, it’s okay, don’t worry about that.” 

“I’m getting married.” Hyunjin blurts out. His heart skips a beat and he shyly tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. 

The woman’s eyebrows raise and she smiles. “Congratulations!” She says.

Hyunjin knows that working in a jewelry store, she and any worker would probably get that information every week, but she genuinely looks happy.

Hyunjin smiles, letting out a nervous giggle. “Thank you. But um…well…I actually, I- I’m going to propose…” 

“Okay,” 

“Like, later today. In a few hours, in, um…,” Hyunjin checks his phone for the time and then looks at her. “Four hours.” 

The woman keeps nodding, though there’s a flicker of something in her eyes before she replaces it with a smile. “Okay,” 

“But I’m looking for an engagement ring.” Hyunjin finishes, feeling completely flustered at the desperate situation. 

The woman nods, and he wants to commend her for showing her customer service face, because Hyunjin’s sure her inner monologue is calling him stupid. 

“Okay. That’s fine. Um…because this proposal is in a matter of hours, we can’t really customize it, but do have engagement rings that you can look at.” The woman replies. 

Hyunjin nods. Of course, that makes sense. “Yes, for sure. That’s okay. Thank you.” 

“If you’d like to just follow me, I can help you with your decision.” The woman smiles, starting to walk further into the store.

Hyunjin bows his head and follows her, feeling a mixture of frantic, and embarrassed that this worker has to be dealing with such a mess not even a minute into her clock-in. 

“Sorry that this is all a lot, I just…thank you for helping me.” 

“No worries. There’s emergencies like this all the time.” She leads them to the rings section and goes behind the engagement ring counter. “When life suddenly gives you this moment where you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with your person, and you’ll do whatever it takes to propose right then and there. I get it.” 

Hyunjin chuckles, shyly. The thing is, he never thought he would be that person. Marriage between him and Felix has been something discussed before, and Hyunjin knows that an ideal proposal he always dreamed of was something carefully planned out and crafted beautifully. He would never, in a million years, imagine that it’s actually this: rushing in the morning to buy an engagement ring to propose on the same day. 

“Do you by chance know your partner’s ring size or any information that can help me help you?” The woman asks. 

Hyunjin nods immediately. “Yes. I know his ring size.” 

They go through the process of searching after that, and it’s one of the hardest things Hyunjin’s has ever done. It’s one thing to buy a ring, it’s another thing to buy a ring for Felix, and it’s a completely different thing to buy an engagement ring for Felix. Although the wedding ring should be the one that Hyunjin’s focus should center towards in terms of perfection, he still wants to gift Felix with something so beautiful that reminds Hyunjin of him. 

It takes about seven minutes before Hyunjin spots one- a morganite and diamond ring 14k gold. There’s something about it that stands out from the others that he’s seen for the last several minutes, and Hyunjin feels his heart beat with excitement when he goes to check it out. It’s beautiful and described as something so lovely that Hyunjin doesn’t even feel like this is all real life. 

He’s handed the ring just like that in a plush velvet black box and Hyunjin can’t help but stare at it. The woman says her congrats once again, and Hyunjin leaves, feeling even more upbeat as the hours pass by. 

For some strange reason, he thought ring shopping would be this monumental thing where he would stay for hours and hours, but everything just clicked within the first few minutes of entering the store. It gives Hyunjin the right confirmation that today is the day, and that it will all work out. 

As Hyunjin is on his way back to their place, he stops by Babu’s as promised, and in his hand holds breakfast takeout, and deep in his bag is the ring. 

The ring. 

It’s all so real. 

Felix is extra happy (probably more to see the carrot cake than Hyunjin if he’s honest) and quickly rushes over to help. He looks really beautiful in a soft blue cropped jacket over a white tank top, and blue ripped jeans that match the same color of his jacket. His hair is down and fluffy and he wears a couple of silver necklaces to complete the look. 

“You look so pretty.” Hyunjin can’t help but say the second he steps inside. 

“Thank you, baby. Look at you, though! You look beautiful.” Felix grins. 

Hyunjin smiles, his mind can’t help but go to what is now happening in 3 more hours. “Thanks.” he points up the staircase. “I’ll be right back.” 

When Hyunjin gets upstairs, he quickly gets the ring out of his tote bag and puts it in his suitcase. It won’t be kept there for a long time, as after breakfast they’re going to head to the park, but, an ideal place to hide a ring probably shouldn’t be in his tote bag where Felix can easily snoop in. Hyunjin places the ring in his suitcase, and then gently places it a bit further under the bag than usual. He will take it out after, he just has to remind himself. 

Going back downstairs to the main room, Hyunjin silently counts down from ten. After all this time, there’s still little flashes of nerves that come and go, and he has to constantly remind himself to appear as though all is well, that there’s still no plans and they’re just going to one of the parks and have the view of the lake and mountains in front of them.

When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, he goes into the kitchen and gazes fondly at Felix, who’s sitting down at the kitchen table, already munching away on his carrot cake.

“Oh, this is so good.” Felix nearly moans. “I’m going to miss this.” 

“I’ll buy you a dozen carrot cakes when we head back.” Hyunjin promises as he sits down across from him. Felix shakes his head. 

“Nope. Nothing can compare to this right here.” Felix points to the slice of cake.. “Nothing compares the way Switzerland grows carrots.” 

Hyunjin throws his head back and laughs then and Felix smiles, going back to eating, his cheeks round and full of food and he looks so adorable Hyunjin has to look away. 

Felix takes a few more bites and then finishes his piece. When he eats it all (which he does, because that man has such a strong appetite in the mornings), he slouches back in his seat, folding his arms. 

“I can’t believe this is it.” Felix says, looking around the kitchen. He wears a small frown on his face and Hyunjin can definitely resonate. There absolutely should be a scientific name for feelings like this- when all you’ve done for a week was slow down and appreciate the beauty of nature, and then you have to go back to houses and apartments and condos and just the fast-paced life of work, and greed, and big cities and technology. 

“I know what you mean.” Hyunjin smiles faintly. 

“I’m officially declaring this place as our official vacation spot. Done. Nowhere else. I’m satisfied here.” Felix says with such determination in his face, and Hyunjin just laughs, looking at him with love. 

“I’m glad you loved this week. I was so nervous going into it because I know that out of the both of us, I wanted to go so much, and so…even though it was my first time being here, I approached Switzerland in a way that was like ‘Okay, let’s show Yongbokkie all of the good spots, let’s make sure he likes it and wants to come back’”. Hyunjin admits with a laugh. 

Felix laughs as well. “Ah, really? So it became your home without realizing it, the way that you wanted to show me all the fun parts and somehow try to win me over.” He says. 

Hyunjin pauses, thinking about it. In a way, yes, and it doesn’t even make sense because this was Hyunjin’s first time in Switzerland too and it wasn’t his home. But if there’s something that this whole trip is making Hyunjin realize, it’s the fact that this place was already ordained, from the start, to be theirs. It’s significant in so many ways, it crossed out dreams and fantasies that seemed so far away when they were younger. 

And it’s going to be significant now as breakfast starts to be over, and they start cleaning up. 

Now, Hyunjin’s nervous. 

It’s 11:30am now, and they have a bit of time to spare before heading out. The plan that Hyunjin has in his head is to get out, go check out the trail and park, propose, and they have a bit of a window to enjoy the rest (and last) of Switzerland together engaged, before going back to the airport. 

Gosh, Hyunjin feels like he’ll throw up. 

Because Felix knows Hyunjin so well, Hyunjin makes the conscious decision of trying to shove his nervous antics down. He plants his feet together instead of pacing, chooses to randomly dance out nerves instead of staying still, and he tries to look Felix in the face more instead of avoiding eye contact. 

(But, to be fair, Hyunjin’s had a problem with straight eye contact with Felix since they first met- he’s that whipped). 

“I saw your painting,” Felix says a bit later, as they’re beside each washing and drying plates by the sink. “It’s so pretty, when did you even work on it?” 

Hyunjin looks through the doorway to the living room, spotting his painting by the corner. “Uh…this morning.” 

“This morning?” Felix asks, handing him a wet plate. “Wait…time were you up?” 

Hyunjin gets the dish towel and starts wiping it down. “I was up early. Like…honestly, I didn’t really sleep, so I just went out to the porch and was just painting.” He says. 

Felix doesn’t say anything as he rinses his cup and for a second Hyunjin wonders if he heard him, but after a few seconds Felix gives Hyunjin a look. 

“You’re being weird.” 

Hyunjin shakes his head, immediately. “I’m not, I swear.” 

“You didn’t even buy yourself coffee. And you have three cups in a day.” Felix gives a weird look, squinting his eyes as though trying to search for whatever Hyunjin’s not telling him in his gaze. 

Hyunjin laughs. “I genuinely forgot about the coffee. I was in such a rush of wanting to come back and get breakfast and spend time with you for the last morning we had here.” 

Tragic true story, by the way. 

Felix finishes rinsing his cup and he hands it to Hyunjin to dry. He gives the same look (which honestly is adorable) and keeps looking over at him as he leaves the kitchen, heading for the living room. Hyunjin sees through the doorway that he goes to the couch and sits down, folding his arms. 

He’s cute.

Hyunjin finishes everything and takes the small moment he has where Felix isn’t around him, to pace in the kitchen. He can do this. It’s okay. It’s fine. He’s good. Felix is good. He’s just going to propose. Everything’s fine. It’s good!

Hyunjin takes a deep breath in through his nose, holding it for five seconds before he exhales. He does this a few more times and then when he feels a bit better, he takes out his phone, going to text Chan. It’s about 6pm in Seoul right now, and he may just be getting out of work or doing whatever dad duty, so Hyunjin just resorts to a text. 

[Hyunjin- 11:34am]

We’re heading to the park now

Wish me luck :((((( 

To Hyunjin’s surprise, Chan responds within the same minute. 

[Chan- 6:34pm]

heyyyy no sad face! 

YOU GOT THIS

I’m so proud of you (and totally not going to cry hahahahaha)

Go do your 18-year old self proud 

I love you both <3

Hyunjin sends a bunch of hearts and leaves the chat quickly. If he lingers even for only a second, he’ll burst into tears right now. 

Hyunjin takes another deep breath and collects himself peacefully (and totally not freaking out) to the living room. Felix looks up almost immediately, his big brown eyes just staring at him. 

“Are we ready to go?” Hyunjin asks. 

Felix nods, getting up from his seat. “Yeah, let me just grab my bag.” He says, heading up the stairs. 

For one small second, Hyunjin panics, because oh my gosh what if he’s looking for something that’s in my suitcase and what if he sees the ring, but he doesn’t say anything out loud and tries to tell himself that there’s no reason for Felix to look there. His bag is on the middle of their bed in plain sight, and Hyunjin stays by the bottom of the stairs just as he hears the opening of the door, a couple of footsteps, and then footsteps coming down. 

Deep breath in….deep breath out. 

Felix comes back downstairs, shining and happy and Hyunjin can’t resist leaning forward, wrapping his arm around his waist, and giving him a kiss. Felix is taken aback for a second, but smiles against his lips, one hand cradling the side of Hyunjin’s face. No matter what happens, how everything executes, if there will be regrets in how Hyunjin does this, none of that really matters. All that does is Felix, Felix, and Felix again. He is who Hyunjin loves beyond any admiration for anything else in this world. And if Hyunjin has Felix, he has everything. 

They pull away and Felix just smiles, leaning forward to rest his forehead against his. 

“I love you,” He whispers, stealing the words right off of Hyunjin’s mouth. 

Hyunjin laughs. “I was just going to say that.” 

Felix giggles, planting him a small kiss once more. “Beat you to it.” 

Hyunjin kisses his cheek, and the top of his nose, causing Felix to  giggle once more. When he departs and takes a step back, he brushes strands of hair away from Felix’s face. “I love you more than anything.” 

It’s so pleasing to see just how Felix’s cheeks flush at just the words Hyunjin can say. It goes the same way though, because Felix does so much as look at Hyunjin, and he’s already folded over. 

“I’ll be right back, I think my phone’s upstairs. One second.” Hyunjin says, holding up one finger before he heads up the stairs. 

He makes sure he doesn’t hear Felix following him and he beelines into the bedroom, opening his suitcase. He doesn’t know how much more obvious a box in pants would be, and suddenly Hyunjin’s freaking out and looking up what would be the best place to hide a ring on yourself. The search results have so many different opinions and things that stress Hyunjin out even more, so he ditches the idea altogether and places his box at the bottom of his tote bag that will be with him. He’ll decide when over there what’s the last-minute move. 

Gosh, Hyunjin wished he had prepared in advance. He’s glad once this is over he’ll never have to do it again in his life. 

When Hyunjin comes downstairs, they head out, and the adventure begins. Hyunjin’s nervousness makes him quieter but he tries to ensure that everything’s okay and that he’s sad over the fact that this is their last day before they go back home. That part is true, so he doesn’t feel bad if he were lying about it.

They get on the tram again, and Felix has his head against Hyunjin’s shoulder for the whole ride, his eyes closing. For a second Hyunjin wonders if he’s too tired, if this would be too much on him, but when he asks him, Felix just smiles, wanting to take everything in. 

He remembers that he has to pretend like he’s still filming for a vlog and Hyunjin takes out his camera. Thank goodness he charged the camera overnight, and there’s space and everything there to document, and thank God there’s not a lot of people on the tram. It’s funny how despite the fact that his past job was with a lot of cameras and vlogging, Hyunjin still gets a little wary whenever he has to film in public places where people can see him. 

Luckily, no one sits at the back and Hyunjin cleans the lens, makes sure it’s recording, and starts. He waves to the camera. 

“I’m here with Yongbok-ah…” He starts, turning the camera slightly, and Felix opens one eye and squints, causing the both of them to laugh. 

“Are you vlogging?” Felix then asks, sitting up a little as he looks from Hyunjin to the camera. 

“Yeah, say hi.” 

Felix waves, and then plants his chin on Hyunjin's shoulder. “It’s our last day in Switzerland. We head to the airport in the evening. I’m so sad.” he says to the camera. 

Hyunjin nods. “Yeah, we’re both very sad. This was the best week ever.” 

“It’s so healing coming over here, so everyone, if you have a chance, go to Switzerland for a bit. It’s worth it.” Felix smiles. 

Hyunjin then moves the camera to take a bit of the view from the window of all the buildings and cute shops the tram passes by. Some of the places they’ve been to, others are what Hyunjin’s sure they’ll come back for next time.

When he finishes taking clips of the window view, Hyunjin closes the camera for now and Felix immediately latches on to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and leaning his head against his shoulder. Hyunjin looks out the window and tries not to think about anything sappy that will make him cry before getting over there. There’s just so much love and care he has for Felix. 

He's like a child you have to take care of. 

They get to the park just a little bit after 12pm, and when they get off the tram and head to the park, Hyunjin feels jittery, despite the zero percent of caffeine he has in his body. 

The start of the park is gorgeous, filled with rolling hills, with so many families. For a Friday, Hyunjin’s surprised to see the amount of children running around, only stopping to pet stray cats. He would think that they’d all be in school still, but he can’t complain much, as the mere sight of them brightens the smile on Felix’s face. Hyunjin reaches over and takes Felix’s hand, interlacing their fingers together. 

“It’s so beautiful out.” Felix comments as he looks up at the sky. He shades the sun with his hand and immediately, Hyunjin wants to lead him to shade. 

But Hyunjin is thankful it’s not raining and the sun is so bright with clouds puffier than anything Hyunjin’s seen back home. The grass and trees are so green, and the earth just feels so soft as though everything is on pause. Hyunjin can hear the birds chirping and see the flower beds of different daylilies that stop and take pictures of. Hyunjin takes pictures of Felix too, as he walks on ahead andhe concludes that Felix belongs in parks surrounded with flowers and pretty elements of the earth all the time. 

Hyunjin points to the hike trail that’s deeply hidden through the park and knows that this is where everything changes. He’s that close to forever now. 

As they walk in, there’s floral archways of irises they have to walk through, and for one second Hyunjin forgets about what he has to do and just breathes in the soft colors of lavender amidst greens. Felix takes a flower petal and doesn’t hesitate to tuck in the side of his hair behind his ear. Hyunjin thinks he’s never beheld anything prettier than this moment in time. 

“Hyunjin-ah, we have to take a picture here.” Felix says, with widened eyes. Then he looks around and a sad look expression replaces the once smile on his face. “But no one’s here to take it for us.” 

Hyunjin offers without even thinking of it. “I have my tripod stand. It’s been in my bag since yesterday and I forgot to take it out.” He laughs. 

Felix blinks and then smiles, squeezing Hyunjin’s shoulder. “What would I do without you?” He asks, and then points. “Let’s set it up there, so it can take us under the archway.” 

Hyunjin sets everything up and Felix goes under the archway for him to get the right angle. When it’s all good, and he sets the 10-second timer, Hyunjin sets his bag down next to Felix’s and jogs to where he is. They wrap their arms against each other, and for the shot, Hyunjin kisses Felix on the cheek. The photos turn out beautifully, and they take a few more, some silly, some cute, and more romantic. 

When Felix is satisfied, Hyunjin smiles at him as they take their bags.. “I heard that if we keep going up the trail, we can see Lake Zurich from here.” 

Felix grins. “Ooh.” 

“Yeah, I loved the view we got on the train, but imagine seeing it right in front of you.” Hyunjin says, his hands moving as he pretends to paint the picture. It gets Felix smiling, and his eyes are filled with sparkles. 

“I can’t wait.” 

Hyunjin takes the lead, but holds onto Felix’s hand the whole time, and eventually, they get to a point where the trail is between rocks and is more steep. Hyunjin glances over his shoulder and points to the ground. 

“Watch out for the rocks.” 

Felix nods, and then smirks.. “I didn’t know we were going hiking, hyung.” He says, teasingly, which gets Hyunjin to almost fall over.

There’s a certain…effect that has on him whenever Felix calls him hyung. Felix knows this, and like the little minx he is, he does it anyway. 

Hyunjin shakes his head, his face flushing red now and Felix just laughs, and only laughs so hard that Hyunjin can’t even say anything back. 

He’s a weak, weak, man, that Hwang Hyunjin. 

They start heading towards the top now and Hyunjin can feel the entirety of the course change. For one, the higher altitude makes the cooler wind carry more, and he feels it blowing through his hair. The second thing is the view once Hyunjin gets to the top. 

Oh. My. Stars. 

Hyunjin stands, unmoved as Felix joins him. For a second, they don’t speak. The meadows here are the finest green, and right here in front of them is the view of mountains stretched beyond the lake. The lake is still but running and you can hear the sounds of the waterfall in the distance that Hyunjin finds as well when he looks to the left. The afternoon light from the sun reflects on the lake with sparkles and it’s so blue and clear, and even here there are irises that grow on the ground, adding a splash of color. 

This world, this real life painting that they stepped into feels absolutely theirs and when Hyunjin looks around, he sees that they’re alone, that no one else is around, and that this moment was indeed, meant to be for them. 

For forever. 

“Oh…my…” Felix’s voice trails off as he looks, his eyes scattering everywhere. Hyunjin understands everything- he gets it. How are they supposed to take in this view? 

But more than anything, Hyunjin feels right. Right about the fact that this moment, even the floral archways below and the rocky trail, led them here. It’s so leading and inviting and he has to do this- no looking back.

Hyunjin starts walking first, and Felix eventually joins him. They get closer to the view and it’s terrifyingly beautiful. Hyunjin feels so small, so ridiculously small in grandeur of it all, but maybe that’s just the point. That life is too great for them to be worried about the small things. It’s too beautiful to think any less about yourself and how you feel. It’s too precious to not live and be alive, to breathe, and be still. 

And this life- my life with you… 

Hyunjin sets his tripod stand down and sets up his camera, just as Felix laughs, jogging through the grass, his arms spread out. 

Is too damn romantic not to marry. 

While Felix stops and stares at the lake, Hyunjin moves the tripod a bit closer but far enough so that it captures the full landscape, and then starts recording. Hyunjin takes a deep breath, and then crouches down and opens his tote bag, taking out the ring box. When he’s in front of the camera, Hyunjin glances over his shoulder once more to see if Felix has left the spot or stopped looking, but Felix stays there, still looking at the waters. 

Hyunjin carefully raises the ring box to the camera, and then puts a finger to his lip as though it’s a secret. He leans closer to whisper. 

“I’m going to propose to Yongbok.” Hyunjin whispers, and then laughs, whether it’s out of nerves or excitement. He looks over his shoulder again, but Felix is still there, facing the view. 

“He has no idea. Or maybe he suspects something, I don’t know. But…Switzerland, you have changed my life for the better and I am so so thankful that you got me to do this. We started this week as boyfriends and now we’re leaving as fiancés. Oh my gosh, that’s crazy.” Hyunjin covers his mouth and laughs. 

He looks behind him once more, but Felix is still there, so he looks back at the camera. 

“I need to stop talking and go out there and propose, but I’m super nervous and I’m just rambling, but I just wanted to leave a little message for Yongbokkie when he does see this clip. He’s right there…” Hyunjin leans a little bit so that the camera has the view of the blonde, looking up at the mountains. Hyunjin points to him and gazes fondly. 

“He’s so cute. Okay! Okay, so…” Hyunjin takes a deep breath and looks at the camera. “Angel, I love you. By the time you’ll see this clip we’ll already be engaged. Or at least, I hope. Please don’t reject me. Anyways…I love you so much. You’re standing right there…” he moves his head once more to point to Felix and then gets back in frame. “You are everything to me, and I can’t wait to make you mine. You’ve always been, but now we get to have forever. Whether it’s here in Switzerland, or Seoul, or France, whatever it is, I’m not sure. But the one thing I am sure of is that I get to marry you. Well, if you say yes of course. Please say yes.” 

Hyunjin chuckles nervously. “I love you. I’m going to go ask you now. Pray for me. I have no idea what to say. Ah! Okay, okay, I’m going! I love you.” Hyunjin blows multiple kisses to the camera, and then places the ring box in his pocket, taking a few steps backwards so that his full body length is in view. He gives a peace sign to the camera and scrunches his fingers up and down, before he turns around. 

Between the wind and the waters, the words Hyunjin says won’t be heard in the video, but in a way he kind of prefers that? It’s a more intimate setting and shows this in a more candid way. 

Hyunjin takes another deep breath and then he starts walking over. 

I want to feel like this forever. 

I want you forever. 

When he gets to where Felix is, Felix looks at Hyunjin and smiles before turning back to look at the lake, and Hyunjin’s so lucky that this scenic alpine view is enough for Felix not to notice any outline of a box in his pocket. 

“This is too beautiful.” Hyunjin says. “Oh my gosh.” 

Felix nods now, going over to wrap his arm around Hyunjin as they stare at the view. Hyunjin plants as many kisses as he can to Felix’s face, which causes him to giggle, and when he pulls away, Felix wraps his arms around Hyunjin’s neck. 

“I’d want to live here one day with you. Seriously.” He says, with a smile so big and genuine, it makes Hyunjin want to cry. 

But then Felix’s eyebrows furrow as he tilts his head, looking at Hyunjin’s face. He lets go of Hyunjin and takes a step back.

“Jinnie, what's wrong? Your eyes are watering.” Felix asks with a concerned look. 

Shoot. 

Hyunjin wipes his eyes, and then laughs because he had this random thought of wondering how long it would take to go through the proposal before crying, and he said he would at least take twenty seconds, but apparently it’s a lot less because he didn’t even start and he’s crying. He’s pretty sure he looks crazy to Felix, and that thought makes him giggle even more. 

Felix lets out a small confused laugh, raising an eyebrow. “What’s up?” 

“Yongbok-ah…” Hyunjin starts, sniffling. “You make me so…” 

Felix faces him and looks at him, waiting. He doesn’t rush Hyunjin, even when the tears are falling now, and Hyunjin takes two big breaths. He has to carry this out, no matter what. 

“I love you so much.” Hyunjin says. “I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this hard, but I do and I love more and more, and this whole trip was just falling in love with you all over again. And I know that all throughout this week, we’ve been surrounded by all this nature, and beauty, and mountains, and trees, and flowers,  lakes and rivers…but the only thing I see is you.” Hyunjin continues, looking at Felix now, his eyes never leaving them. 

“You carry the sun in your smile, you hold the moon in your eyes, and you have the prettiest stars on your face.” Hyunjin chuckles, though his voice breaks in between. 

Felix has fully changed in his expression now, his eyes glistening as he stays silent, eyes on Hyunjin, clinging onto every word. 

“You’re in every waking hour. You’re in everything I see. You make the world so much of a better place by just existing. It’s why the children loved you so much in that school, it’s why everyone who gets the privilege to talk to you and know you walk away with a lasting effect. You care so much, and your heart is so big and I am so…so deeply, and immensely in love with you, that I couldn’t care about any of this if it meant I wouldn’t have you.” 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath, trying to power through his tears. “When we were younger, we dreamed of life in the future, and we talked about going to Switzerland, and doing all of these things together. I talked about traveling and going on different trains, and you talked about helping kids. Somehow we found ourselves here, our dreams molded into one, and I realized that it always made sense to do life with you. And yesterday it hit me, because I remembered something I told you. I said that I would only go to Switzerland for one important moment, and I wouldn’t go anytime before.” 

Felix nods, clearly remembering. Then, his expression slowly changes- a mixture of confusion at first, but then slow recognition, and he blinks rapidly, tears sliding down his cheeks. 

“Hyunjin…” 

Hyunjin wipes his face and smiles. “I didn't realize it at first, but I know what that important moment is now. Everything here, everything we did, every time spent with you in Switzerland has led us here- to this one important moment that I have been saving myself for without even realizing it.” 

Felix’s hand is shaking as he raises it to cover his mouth. He knows  what's coming. He knows Hyunjin. He can feel it. 

Hyunjin takes a shaky breath, and continues. “You are the love of my life, Lee Yongbok Felix. Ever since I first saw you, I knew. I knew you would come and change my life, and all I want, more than anything that this beautiful world can give me, is to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to cherish you and honor you with every day of my life and while this is our last day in Switzerland, I want to make one more dream come true.”

He puts his hand in his pocket, reaching for the ring and takes one step back, placing one knee to the ground. A sharp inhale escapes from Felix as he looks down at him and both of his hands cover his face. 

Hyunjin opens the ring box, and holds it up, eyes fixed on Felix, who mirrors the exact same emotions he has. 

“Will you marry me? Can I marry you?” Hyunjin asks both questions, his vision blurred by his tears and he wipes them with his free hand to look into Felix’s eyes. 

Felix nods, his eyes completely glossy, and he sobs, the words hardly getting out. “Yes.  Yes, please, I…please marry me. I will-I want to marry you. Please…” 

He rushes over to Hyunjin and squats down so that they’re eye level, and wraps his arms around him tightly. Hyunjin closes the box and wraps his arms around Felix’s waist, and he closes his eyes so shut, holding on to Felix’s so tightly and the tears flood, and it’s a mixture of happiness, relief, overwhelm, joy, disbelief, and love all wrapped up in one. They stay for minutes, just holding on to each other and Hyunjin only lets go when Felix is ready to. 

Felix takes Hyunjin’s face in his hands and leans in, kissing him deeply, and Hyunjin feels this shot of electricity run through him. He’s not even sure he knows where he is, what’s just happened, what is going on anymore, it's just Felix, Felix, Felix….

When they pull away, Hyunjin brings the both of them up so that they’re standing. He hugs Felix again, not sure if he can quite understand what just happened. Holding on to Felix in this way makes everything more tangible and real, and Felix wraps his arms around Hyunjin’s waist and sobs.

“I love you so much.” Felix says between sobs. Hyunjin’s tears keep running down. They never stop and he wants to wipe them since they’re getting all over Felix’s hair, but he doesn’t move, only holds Felix tighter. A flashback of the survival show comes to Hyunjin’s mind, when they were hugging like this, but for a completely different reason when Felix was first eliminated. And now, look at them. Together. Still hugging. Still crying. But together. Engaged. 

Hyunjin can’t stop falling in love. He can’t stop crying either, he just…when it comes to Felix everything else stays still and he can’t stop anything. He can’t stop providing. He can’t stop protecting. And now that they’re together and just said yes to forever, Hyunjin vows that he won’t stop doing any of those things. 

“I love you. I’ll love you forever. You deserve so much love. Thank you for choosing me. I’ll only ever love you.” 

Hyunjin mutters all thoughts into his hair before planting a firm kiss against it. 

He feels Felix shiver against him and then he pulls away, though still in his arms. When he looks up at him, Hyunjin feels himself melt at the way the wind blows in his hair, and Hyunjin’s always had this thought that he looks so petty when he cries.

I can’t believe you said yes. I can’t believe we’re engaged. 

Ohmygoshwe’reengaged. 

WE’RE ENGAGED!

“We’re engaged.” Hyunjin whispers with a laugh. Felix nods and then laughs as well, though it’s mixed with a sob and he covers his face with his hands. 

“I can’t believe it, I…I didn’t…I had no idea…I’m shaking. Look at my hands, they’re shaking…” Felix says, holding up his hands, and Hyunjin laughs. 

Wait. Oh my goodness- his hand is bare. 

“Wait, I didn’t put on your ring!” Hyunjin says, removing his arm away from Felix’s waist as he takes a step back. Felix throws his head back and laughs, clapping, which makes Hyunjin laugh as well. 

“Oh my gosh, wait…” Felix stops and holds his left hand as well, staring at finger. 

Hyunjin opens the ring box. “How did I not put it on?” 

“How did I not notice?” Felix asks. 

They both pause and look at each other, and then burst out laughing. 

“We’re a mess!” Felix says, eyes shining. 

“Okay, wait, let me redeem myself, this will bring honor to my family.” Hyunjin says as he wipes his face, going back down on one knee. 

Felix laughs out loud, wiping his face as well. “Ah, okay. Let me look shocked.” He brings his hands back to his mouth and covers it, his eyes widening.

This time Hyunjin laughs as he proposes once more. “Yongbokkie, will you marry me?” 

Felix jumps up and down. “Yes, Hyunjin-ah!” He says in a high-pitched tone.

Hyunjin laughs and then focuses as Felix holds his left hand out. It’s like the moment has shifted and turned reverent once Hyunjin takes the ring out of the box and places it on Felix’s finger. When he slides the ring on, Felix looks at it and smiles, and Hyunjin flops down on his back on the grass, emitting the biggest scream of relief as he looks up at the clouds. 

I did it. We’re getting married. 

After a few seconds of silence, Felix finally notices the camera that’s been recording the whole time, and Hyunjin laughs, getting back up. 

“I set it up so that I was going to take ‘candid shots’, but I really was taking it for this moment. It’ll probably not be heard because of the wind and water and stuff, but I wanted to document this somehow.” He explains. 

Felix smiles, holding his hand out as he stares at the ring. “It’s so pretty. Aish, it must’ve cost too much though.” Felix looks up with a worried look. 

Hyunjin shakes his head, walking over to him and cupping his face. “You deserve it.” He kisses him. “And more.” He kisses him again. “And soon, we’ll get the wedding ring to replace it anyway.” He kisses him one more time. 

“I like this color, though.” Felix says, holding his hand up in view. “Can we make the wedding ring this color?” 

Hyunjin smiles. “Whatever you want.” 

Felix grins and then hugs Hyunjin once more. When they depart, he lets out a big scream as well, and Hyunjin smiles, just letting him. They’re up in the mountains by themselves, and are just officially engaged. Who wouldn’t scream? 

“I JUST ASKED LEE FELIX TO MARRY ME!” Hyunjin yells out, causing Felix to laugh. 

“I JUST SAID YES TO MARRY HWANG HYUNJIN!” Felix cups his hands and screams, and then Hyunjin laughs, spreading his arms out as he does a little spin. 

“WE’RE FREAKING ENGAGED!” 

“LET’S GO!”

They end up getting their candid shots after all- the two of them running through the grassland. And as Hyunjin carries Felix in bridal style, and spins him around, he realizes that he’ll never grow tired of spending the rest of his life hearing Felix’s laughter. 

Forever. 

☾⋆⁺₊✧ 

“Hey," Hyunjin walks over to Felix. They’re by the lockers, leaning against the wall and panting slightly after an intense dance practice. 

The dark-haired boy looks up, his big eyes widening for a second in what looks like slight panic, before he looks at Hyunjin and visibly relaxes, eyes and smile shining bright with recognition. 

“Hello, Hyunjin.” Felix replies, bowing his head. 

Hyunjin freezes. He hears that deep cavernous voice in background conversations that he’s eavesdropped on so much to the point where he should get used to it, but it still effects him. He wants to compliment it, but Felix must get comments on his voice a lot, so Hyunjin leaves it alone. 

“You did a good job back there. A lot of us had to keep up with the high kicks, but you did so well. It was cool.” He says with a shy smile.

But Felix doesn't smile back. He furrows his eyebrows. “I...I kicked you?” 

“No, no, no, you…” Hyunjin shakes his head, and then remembers. He heard something about this boy being a foreigner and not being able to speak English well. He gives a small smile. 

"You did a good job. With the kick." Hyunjin says, and somehow breaking it down, Felix nods and smiles, bowing once more. 

"Ah, okay. Thank you."

“I can teach you Korean, if you want.” Hyunjin blurts out suddenly. When Felix gives a confused look, Hyunjin pauses, trying to think of the word in English. “Um…I can teach you...Korean words? I...help you."  

That does something, thankfully, and Felix’s face breaks into a smile as he bows his head deeply. “Thank you.” He says, graciously.

Before Hyunjin can ask or say anything else, Felix bows once more, voice soft. "I go to practice...dance more now. Goodbye. Thank you, Hyunjin." 

He may not realize he's bowed four times since they've talked, but Felix does it a fifth time before he turns around and walks down the hall, not looking back. 

Oh. He's...cute.

Hyunjin watches him leave and then puts his hand over his chest when his heart skips a beat.

Why is he so affected by this kid?

To be honest, Hyunjin doesn’t know why he said that he’d offer to teach him Korean. There’s barely enough time as it is, between all of the training they have to do. He’s seen that there’s been some hardship already, between some of the other kids and Felix, though. He hears them ask why he even came to Korea, and Hyunjin doesn’t like that. 

There’s just something about this boy, and for some strange reason- be it a small crush, or infatuation, Hyunjin wants to stay close. 

He wants to provide help for Felix, take care of him. He sees how sweet this boy is, and how the smile that he carries is so big for a face so small.

It’s like staring at the sun. 

Hyunjin thinks of the both of them sometimes, though he knows he shouldn't, and it’s just wishful thinking. They’re here to work hard and debut strong and make it in this world- which honestly, Hyunjin sees what no one else (except Chan-hyung, Minho-hyung, Changbin-hyung, Jisung, Seungmin, and Jeongin) sees- that Felix is going to make it in life.

And when he does, Hyunjin selfishly hopes that whatever life Felix ends up having, from debuting to beyond, Hyunjin can still be in it. 

☾⋆⁺₊✧