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When Sieun woke up, the first thing he registered was the feeling of warm skin pressed against his back. Then the arm wrapped around his body. He tried to recall what exactly happened yesterday, how they got clean, how they ended up under the same duvet wearing only their underwear. The details were lost on him, but he did remember lying on the side and feeling Suho lie down right beside him, grabbing Sieun's waist and pulling their bodies together. He remembered thinking it was very nice – the skin-to-skin contact, and the hold, oh, how it made him burn inside – but also that it might be hard to fall asleep like this. Now, though, he wasn't sure whether it had been the sensations or his thoughts that kept him awake.
But he must've fallen asleep at some point, and now that his mind felt clear and fresh, he realised exactly what situation he found himself in. He was in the same bed with his classmate, literally sleeping with him, being held in such a romantic manner, and he couldn't shake off the feeling that it was wrong and inappropriate.
Or rather, it would be, he suddenly corrected himself, his thoughts changing direction entirely. Because it wasn't just anyone – it was Suho, the boy who kissed him first, who kept taking risks, who taught him intimacy, who did not abandon him, who stayed despite everything, who wasn't afraid to hold him like this. It was high time to admit Suho was more than just a classmate, even more than a friend.
The world was still quiet, and the blinds let through just the right amount of light into the room. The clock on the wall read 6:24 a.m., and Sieun wondered when Suho would have to get up for his Saturday shift. He wished they could just stay like this forever.
But it seemed that his wish would not be granted for another reason – because suddenly, Suho's body tensed up; he quickly retracted his arm, as if something had burned him, and turned to the other side, depriving Sieun of his touch. Sieun's skin, and his heart, felt colder now. Did Suho wake up with similar doubts and reservations? Was it time for Sieun to say something?
"...Why did you move away?"
He heard Suho turn his head towards the sound and then back onto the pillow.
"Shouldn't have been so close in the first place, hah. Sorry. Seems like I wasn't thinking clearly last night."
Now this hurt Sieun even more. It shouldn't have, because not too long ago, he himself was doubting the appropriateness of this situation. But he didn't want Suho to regret their closeness, no matter what he considered the implications to be. The only thing he could do now was gradually lead Suho to the same conclusions he had reached.
"No, it's okay. I liked it."
Suho hesitated – he'd been scared he crossed a certain boundary, but Sieun's reassurance suggested otherwise. Although relief slowly settled in his mind, he knew he had to remain careful. Sieun's words were not a promise of any kind, and they might not mean as much as he'd like them to. He turned his head again.
"Then— Can I—?"
"Yeah," Sieun replied and felt the mattress shift under Suho's weight. Then, Suho's arm was once again wrapped around his waist and their bodies pressed together.
"How long can you stay?"
"However long you'd like, Sieun-ah. I'll call in sick."
When Suho spoke, his sleepy voice sounded a bit muffled, and the heat of his breath tingled Sieun's neck pleasantly. He was too focused on it to register what Suho just said, but it got through to his head eventually.
"No, you don't have to—"
"I want to," Suho responded immediately and planted a shy kiss on Sieun's shoulder.
That made Sieun stop in his tracks. He wasn't sure how to respond to such a heartfelt confession. He wasn't used to being wanted. Not like this.
Like what, though? Romantically? First kisses are usually romantic. But, in truth, theirs grew wild too quickly, and they never went back. So this was definitely the most consciously romantic thing they had done together. He wondered if, instead, Suho would maybe rather move his hand, the one splayed across Sieun's abdomen, slide it a bit lower, slowly towards the fabric, reach past it and— but no, Suho seemed to be content just lying like this. He simply wanted to stay close to Sieun, and that was it. Well, Sieun was content too. He wasn't sure what it was, but being held and enveloped by another person's skin and warmth was really, really nice.
Minutes went by, and when Sieun realised what he wanted to – had to – say next, his heart began to beat faster. Moreover, as if his whole body had decided to spite him, he felt his throat tighten. He knew that soon he would not be able to speak at all, and that the only remedy was to stop forcing it, stop putting pressure on his brain, and his lips would move on their own eventually. The rest would naturally follow the momentum – the hardest thing was always the initial push forward.
He couldn't tell how much time had passed, but finally he heard his voice saying the words "I really like you, Suho-yah."
Almost immediately, before the atmosphere even had the chance to become tense or awkward, Suho snorted, "Mhm, I noticed. Your body makes it pretty clear," giving Sieun's abdomen a few tender caresses.
Oh, God, Sieun blushed so hard he reflexively covered his face with his hand, not in that sense! But he was glad to hear Suho was once again comfortable, at least enough to joke around. He smiled shyly, knowing Suho wouldn't see it.
"You know what I meant, though."
Even though Suho indeed couldn't see the smile, he definitely heard it in the way Sieun spoke. It made things a bit easier. Because he did know what Sieun had meant, all too well, but he was afraid to let himself believe it was the truth, and not just something he so desperately wanted to hear.
"Yeah, I do... But how do you know? How do you know you like me, and not the way I touch you?"
I know, because it started before you kissed me. I know, because you never left my mind anyway. I know, because you're the first person in a long time who makes me feel safe and comfortable. I know, because I wasn't scared when I let you get close.
"I just do."
Suho sighed, still afraid to let his hopes solidify into certainty. Of course, Sieun did mention he had feelings he couldn't yet name, but Suho doubted he had ever had a crush, let alone been in love. If you can even call it "love" at their age. He was scared Sieun was imagining things, due to the nature of their relationship, and he couldn't blame him. Hence his attempt at a joke, supposed to keep the conversation in the only territory they knew together – physical pleasure. But then... if you do actually fall in love, you indeed kind of just know it, right? Because he certainly wasn't trying to make light of Sieun's feelings, and he hoped Sieun knew that. He just had to make sure (not quite knowing how) that they were there for the right reasons.
Silence filled the room, both of them looking for the right thing to say next. Sieun, although he found the embrace extremely pleasant, grew tired of not seeing Suho's face. He shifted his body to lie on his back, putting both his hands on top of Suho's to keep it in place. He turned his face to look Suho in the eyes, but he couldn't read anything from them. Maybe a glimmer of sadness.
"Why did you kiss me?" Sieun asked and watched blush creep onto Suho's cheeks. Suho closed his eyes and bent his neck down, propping his forehead against Sieun's shoulder.
"...Because I had wanted to, for some time, and the moment felt right. My mouth just moved on its own. I wasn't even thinking about how it could potentially ruin our friendship. Like, permanently."
Now staring at the ceiling, Sieun wondered whether it was possible Suho had acted like that, because he had subconsciously known Sieun wouldn't reject him. Because Sieun was sure that despite his efforts, his behaviour and body language must have, to some extent, betrayed how much Suho meant to him. Maybe Suho's mind understood it before Suho himself could name it.
"I'm glad you did. I don't think I would've had the guts."
Suho abruptly raised his head. "You're saying— You wanted to? You felt the same way? I mean, I suppose you wouldn't have said 'yes' otherwise, but—"
Whatever doubts Suho might have held, Sieun turned to the side and cut them off with a kiss. He hoped it would answer all the questions and express all the things he couldn't put into words.
Still processing the implications of Sieun's words, Suho let himself melt into the touch. He knew that was all the reassurance he could have asked for.
Once Sieun felt Suho relax a bit, he climbed on top of him and deepened the kiss. After a while, needing to catch a breath, he pulled away and sat back on Suho's lap.
"My body certainly likes yours," he said with a smile, "but my mind has liked you longer. You're the first person I've ever felt like this about."
He watched the sweetest grin grow on Suho's face, and he resumed the kiss not quite believing how lucky he was.