Chapter Text
Todd wakes up cold because Neil stole his blanket.
Trying to pin-point the exact moment their relationship shifted into whatever this is would be a lost cause. Todd shifts in place, subconsciously closing the space between Neil and him, and makes a futile attempt to justify yesterday's incident.
The gleam in Neil's eyes flash through his mind clearly, cutting through the fog of his midnight fatigue. His nose was flushed a cloudy pink, snowflakes catching in his hair, and Todd’s breath hitched at the sight. Neil was laughing at something Knox said a moment ago, causing Todd’s mouth to gape vacantly; his gaze dreamily tracing the curl of his lips. Todd’s eyes trace the line of Neil’s throat as he tilts his head back laughing. In response, Todd inadvertently bites his lower lip, and the flush that forms creates a stark contrast against his frost-bitten skin. Before his mind can wander any further, a bundle of snow crashes against his head, leaving him fumbling to the ground.
Charlie snorts, “you’re too easy, Anderson.” as Knox snickers beside him.
Todd lifts his head with a scoff. “I wasn’t ready!” he deflects, running his hands through his snow-painted hair.
Suddenly, he feels a hand grab his shoulder. As he turns his head he brushes noses with Neil, who simply smiles in response; already rambling away about his brilliant plan to defeat the other two boys. Todd found Neil’s voice slowly faded into the background, as he became increasingly more captivated with the intricacies of his face. He was staring absentmindedly with an expression that made it obvious to any passerby he’s entirely in love.
After a moment, Todd notices Neil’s no longer talking, but sat beside him waiting patiently for him to snap out of his daze. Alarmed, he quickly turns away, the corners of his lips forming a coy smile. Neil only huffs a quiet laugh, subtly leaning in. His gaze was unmoving.
Todd gets pulled from his memory of yesterday when a warm sensation spreads across his chest.
He looks down to see Neil’s arm carelessly draped around him, and wonders how Neil ever managed to convince him that sharing a bed is completely normal for two friends to do—though it didn’t exactly take much convincing.
Todd thinks back to four hours ago, Neil had insisted that without sharing the bed, Todd would probably freeze to death, and Todd was too tired to argue on how inane that sounds. Besides, Neil emphasized it would only be for a night, which seemed to rationalize things in Todd's sleepy mind.
He sighs, reaching for the blanket Neil stole sometime during the night, intending to tug it back. The other boy makes a quiet sound of protest, and unconsciously presses deeper into Todd's side, shifting beneath his arm until seemingly comfortable.
Todd stills for a moment, staring at the ceiling nearly breathless, as his hand stutters above Neil, before carefully tracing his fingers through his hair.
As he settles into the mattress, eyes beginning to flutter shut, he tries to convince himself this is normal, but the fluttering in his chest doesn’t help.
By morning, Neil has somehow stolen even more space.
Todd wakes to sunlight glaring weakly through frost-covered windows and realizes, with mounting horror, that Neil is practically on top of him.
A feverish feeling builds up in his stomach, but he quickly pushes it down, fighting the urge to close any remaining space between them. Suddenly Neil begins to shift, stirring awake, and Todd stops breathing.
“Morning,” Neil mumbles sleepily, not moving away in the slightest.
With their legs tangled together, Neil absentmindedly draws his leg higher up Todd, his mind still foggy with sleep. At this, Todd’s breath catches, realizing the warmth in his stomach started lower than he thought. He bites his lip, choking down an involuntary noise he doesn’t want to name.
Neil finally starts to wake, and as he adjusts himself Todd lunges for a blanket, attempting to be as casual as anyone can in this situation. He bunches the blanket awkwardly against his lap, as Neil props himself up on his elbows.
Tilting his head, “you okay?” Neil’s voice is thick with sleep, his hand reaching out aimlessly to pat Todd’s shoulder.
Todd flinches from the contact, the rush of warmth sending him darting from the bed, as the blanket still acts as a shield.
“Fine—I’m fine! Just, um—forgot to take notes for Keating.” Todd blurted out, his voice an octave higher than usual.
Neil blinks slowly, trying to process Todd's unusual behavior in his lethargic state. His dark hair is a beautiful mess against the pillow, which really doesn’t help Todd’s situation.
“Todd,” Neil starts, exasperated. “It’s barely dawn, can’t that wait till class? I’m sure Keating wouldn’t mind.” He pleads, his eyebrows knitting together, eyelashes fluttering, still heavy with sleep. Todd has to look away.
He stiffly shuffles towards his wardrobe, the blanket wrapped around his middle like a sarong. “I—um, coffee! I need coffee.” He lies, badly, “serious caffeine withdrawal.”
Neil watches Todd fumble for clothes, and his eyes soften with endearment as the boy tries to balance his clothes in one hand, with the blanket still tightly clutched in the other. He casually hops up from bed, walking towards the boy with a grace that Todd currently lacks.
“Here, let me lend you a hand.” Neil plainly offers, and Todd spins around to meet his gaze, immediately regretting it. Pulling the bunched-up fabric tighter, he turned and practically dove into the bathroom, clicking the lock just as Neil reached the door.
Neil leans against the door, brows furrowed with concern, “Todd, if this is about the blanket hogging, I’m sorry.” He begins softly, then sarcastically continues, “but I warned you I’m a blanket thief.”
Todd leaned his forehead against the cool mirror, closing his eyes and waiting for his pulse to settle. It’s just Neil, he told himself, though his body was currently arguing that Neil was the furthest thing from 'just' anything.
“Everything’s fine!” Todd calls out, cringing at the waver in his voice. “Just… go get dressed! I’ll meet you in the hall!”
He heard a faint, confused huff from the other side of the door. “Right, sure…Coffee and poetry, then.”
Todd tries to be invisible when he walks through the corridors.
He makes a point of keeping his head low, his eyes locked to the ground and careful not to meet Neil’s gaze as he sits with the poets.
As soon as he’s sat down, Neil pushes his coffee into Todd’s clammy hands. “Here, coffeeholic.” he teases, “wouldn’t want you spazzing out on us.”
Todd offers a tight smile, avoiding the other boy's hand as he’s handed the coffee. Neil pays no mind to Todd's dodging, and unwittingly shifts closer, both their thighs pressed together beneath the table.
Todd nearly chokes on his coffee. He lifts his head and subtly gasps for air. Charlie eyes the two from across the table, with a look on his face Todd can’t decipher. Charlie and Knox send each other a teasing look, before Charlie is fixed on Neil again, the corners of his lips tugging into a knowing smirk.
“At this point, just sit in his lap.” Charlie taunts, followed by light-hearted laughter throughout the table.
Neil huffs out something between a laugh and a scoff, rolling his eyes with an unbothered grin. He glances over towards Todd, and notices he’s managed to shrink himself even more. His brows tense over the boy's hunched shoulders, and he deliberately knocks their knees together beneath the table.
Having caught the other boy's attention, Neil coyly smiles down at his plate, bemused at Todd’s wide-eyed gaze. Todd merely shakes his head, attempting to conceal he's completely flustered; his mind still lingering on the idea of Neil in his lap.
Moments pass and Todd’s plate has remained completely untouched—besides Neil stealing a few bites every so often.
Knox cocks his head, “you know plates are individual for a reason, Perry.” he squints at Neil who blatantly ignores him, helping himself to more of Todd’s eggs. Eventually the blaring chatter among the table, paired with Neil’s lack of knowledge on what personal space is, leaves Todd looking for the nearest exit. He calls out a vague excuse as he darts off, trying to forget the hurt look on Neil’s face.
Neil stops himself from running after the boy, and instead lingers with the other poets for a moment, trying and failing to act casual. Finally he comes up with a dimwitted excuse that Charlie doesn’t seem to buy, and nearly sprints out of the dining hall.
“Todd!” Neil calls out from across the hallway, and Todd spins around, a stunned look paints his face that leaves Neil standing in front of him in awe, already smiling like he’d been relieved to see him.
Todd can’t hold Neil’s gaze when he looks at him like that, so his eyes dart around the room as senseless excuses pour out. Thankfully, Neil doesn’t pay attention to Todd’s nonsense, he’s fixated on something else.
Neil’s eyes can’t help but narrow at Todd’s poorly done tie. Naturally, he reaches out and fixes it.
Todd comes to a halt. Slowly, he lowers his head, his gaze locked on Neil’s fingers brushing against his collar. He tries to remain as still as possible, his breath stuttering as he becomes hyperaware of the warmth near his throat, unable to look anywhere else but Neil’s hands.
Neil threads his fingers carefully with Todd’s tie, his head lowered in deep concentration, unaware of the other boy's inner panic.
Todd tries not to shift under Neil's steady breathing against his neck, and he notices it contrasts with his own ragged breaths, causing his face to flush with self-consciousness.
“Thats better.” Neil tightens the tie, a proud grin on his face.
Todd blinks. He swallowed thickly, pushing a gasp down his throat.
Neil stares back at Todd with warmth, thoroughly unaware of what he’s done. He simply pats Todd’s shoulder, as he walks away he calls out, “See you in Keatings, Todd!”
Cameron sends a snowball hurling towards Charlie, causing him to fall back into Knox.
“Wha—hey! Watch it, Char!”, he huffs with a smirk before shoving Charlie to the snow cushioned ground.
Noise and friendly banter surrounds the group as they make their way back to their dorms, all of them huddled together and knocking shoulders every other step.
Todd and Neil, however, naturally walk together in sync. Appearing to be in their own bubble, almost separate from the rest of the group. This goes unnoticed between them, except for occasional remarks from Charlie, but even then they remain oblivious.
Neil makes an exaggerated ‘brrr’ sound while hugging himself, using the cold as an excuse to lean into Todd, who looks over the group before allowing Neil to sink into his side. Neil offers a soft hum in response that Todd accepts as a ‘thank you’.
“Why didn’t you—”, Todd pauses.
He stares at Neil’s neck and hesitates for a moment.
“Wear a scarf…That’s—that’s my scarf.” Todd’s mouth gapes, as Neil merely looks down at the scarf with a naive expression.
“Oh—right. I couldn’t find mine, so I just.. Threw on yours.” Neil shrugs, continuing to walk while Todd pretends the flush of pink spreading across his face is simply due to the cold.
As they all reach the steps to the dormitory, the laughter within the group simmers down into small snickering. Todd, whose gaze is hopelessly fixated on Neil, doesn’t notice the patch of ice along the stairs. His foot slips, and with a startled gasp, he goes down hard against the unforgiving cement.
“Todd!" Neil reached out, but Knox, being closer to the edge, moved in first.
Gently, Knox pulls on Todd’s waist, bringing him back up on his feet. His hand lingering on Todd’s shoulder as he carefully examines him, “you okay, Todd?” he stares at the boy with furrowed brows, his voice soft and sincerely concerned.
Neil’s stomach drops.
“He’s fine.” Neil cuts in, his voice coming out sharper than intended.
Todd’s gaze darts to Neil, his eyes wide, and he notices Neil avoids looking at Knox. The warm noise throughout the group comes to a halt, everyone suddenly locked in on Neil, the edge in his voice was hard to miss.
Neil takes a step back, unable to recognize his own tone, “I just mean—Todd’s always tripping over things.” He laughs sheepishly, but it doesn’t land.
After a moment most of the poets huff out an uneasy laugh, followed by them awkwardly shuffling into the dormitory.
Knox and Charlie send each other a knowing look, before following the rest of the group inside, leaving Todd and Neil to themselves.
The walk to their room is led with a silence full of tension.
Todd avoids meeting Neil’s gaze as he subtly lowers the hem of his sleeve, concealing the purple forming around his wrist. As much as he tries to forget it, his thoughts replay “he’s fine.”, along with a whirlwind of explanations.
A rush of color floods his face as the word “possessive” flashes through his mind, it's just for a brief moment, but the word strikes him enough to cause his steps to falter.
Neil meanwhile can’t keep his eyes off the other boy, internally horrified. A disarray of complex emotions swarm his chest, ‘why did it bother me so much?’ a question he asks himself, though he’s afraid of what the answer may be. Tightly, he squeezes his eyes, as the image of Knox running a hand up Todd’s shoulder runs through his mind. Followed by, ‘you okay, Todd?’, and Neil thinks Knox sounds too sincere.
The snow begins to melt off Todd’s shoes as he steps inside their dorm, the sound of the radiator clanking echoing in the distance. The moonlight sheers through their frostbitten window, landing on the scattered homework forgotten on Todd’s desk, catching his attention. He frowns knowing he’s up for another sleepless night, but this time it’s not for the reason he wants.
Without thinking, Neil’s already reaching to take off Todd’s wet coat for him, and Todd obligingly accepts. He extends his arms out, while offering Neil an appreciative hum.
Suddenly, Neil chokes out, “I shouldn't've snapped at Knox.”, and Todd immediately swings around, his eyes meeting Neil’s with a look he can’t describe.
“You weren’t wrong.” Todd’s voice is stern, as if it’s a law Neil can do no wrong. Yet there’s a softness that remains beneath his tone, something that only comes out when he’s speaking to Neil.
“No, I was.” Neil sighs, lowering his head. “He was just helping you.” He mumbles, unsure of the feelings flooding his mind, only able to gather that it felt awful seeing Knox catch Todd first.
Todd’s gaze lingers on the other boy for a moment, trying to make sense of his response. He takes a step back, and by habit begins picking at his nails, his eyes meeting the floor self-consciously.
Quietly, “sorry for making things weird.” Todd frowns, and Neil stares back completely confused.
Instinctively, he reaches out and places a warm, stable hand against Todd’s shoulder; and Todd looks up at Neil, unexpectedly met with a dazed expression.
“Todd…” Neil begins, shaking his head. “I’m clearly the one who made things weird, not you.”, He ends with a light, exhausted laugh.
Todd’s shoulders ease knowing Neil isn’t mad at him. “Well, I just—I don’t know…” He trails off, “I thought maybe you were embarrassed by me, or something…” He mutters, and Neil leans in to hear, their shoes suddenly touching.
“What?” Neil breathes, “of course not.” His tone comes out undeniably fond, the warmth from his voice matching his gaze.
“It’s just—I…” He swallows, “I just didn’t like seeing you hurt.”
Todd goes still.
All at once the little space between them becomes heightened. Neil’s breath against his neck, his hand still firm by his side, and the rapid beating of his own heart all become far too apparent.
A comfortable, steady silence sets between them. Neil looks down and absent-mindedly grabs Todd’s hands, rubbing some warmth back into them. Until he goes motionless. His gaze stops on a patch of purple forming along Todd’s wrist.
“Todd,” he says softly, the grip on his wrist loosening slightly as his brows knit together.
Todd moves to adjust the hem of his sleeve, but Neil already tugs him towards the bed and sits him down. Todd lets him.
Their knees brush as they sit together, and Neil turns Todd’s wrist carefully in his hands, lightly tracing the bruise with his thumb.
“It’s nothing,” Todd says too quickly, but doesn’t pull his hand back. Neil’s head tilts, looking up at Todd with a raised eyebrow, “you should put ice on it.”
Todd huffs a weak laugh, “bit ironic.” and Neil blinks, then laughs too despite himself, quiet and breathy.
Neil’s thumb brushed once across Todd’s wrist, soft enough to miss if Todd wasn’t paying attention.
Unfortunately, he always was.