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Carlton was going to kill Lucy.
She had sworn that the party would be lowkey, with only close family and friends there, but considering the number of people in the house he was doubting that she even knew half of the people here.
People were dancing, singing, drinking beer and making out. That was clearly not what Carlton needed after him.
He nearly jumped when he felt someone hugging him from behind. His cousin was grinning, clearly a bit drunk.
“There you are !”
She surely saw Carlton sighing because she rolled her eyes so hard he was sure that she had hurt herself.
“I know you miss him, but you need to have some fun Carly ! Just find a rebound or something”
Carlton cringed at the mention of his old nickname. He had no idea why but Lucy was the only one to call him that in the family. As for her suggestion… He loved his cousin like she was his own sister, they had spent so much time together as children that they practically grew up as such, but sometimes she was a bit naive. As if looking for a ‘rebound ‘ was that easy for a gay guy in the 80’s.
Seeing that her cousin was spiralling, Lucy left to come back with the typical red plastic cup filled with something that smelled (unsurprisingly) a lot like alcohol.
She gestured for him to drink it.
“It’ll help you loosen up a little”
He looked inside the goblet and thought of denying it, but he was sick of feeling sad because of him, of what had happened. He deserved better than this, and Lucy was right, deserved to have some fun once in a while.
He drank the whole cup in one sitting, feeling the alcohol warming up his throat and already making his head fuzzy.
Lucy left to join a red haired girl that was just entering the house and Carlton was left alone, but not for long.
He felt someone tapping on his shoulder, he first thought of Lucy, but when he turned around he was met with a face he hadn't seen in years, and that brought pleasant and unpleasant memories.
Dustin Henderson. One of the only people with Lucy who knew about his secret. Normally, he would be a little awkward with this secret between them, but the alcohol made him unnaturally friendly.
He gave his old friend a big smile.
“No way, Dustin ? ”
They hugged a bit, both tipsy because of the drinks. Dustin then took his hand and showed him to his friends.
“Guys! This is Carlton, I met him at camp ‘Know Where’ quite a bit back.”
Carlton was scanning the small group for a familiar face but was surprised not to see it. At camp know where, Carlton hadn't been the only one who met someone.
He remembers clearly the day Dustin met Suzie. He was struck by her intelligence and spent most of his stay with her (but frankly, he couldn't blame him, it was not that different for him that summer either ..)
Carlton stared at Dustin a little longer before asking the fatal question with a knowing grin.
“What happened to Suzie, dude ?!”
Dustin answered with an awkward smile then changed the subject by presenting his friends.
“Carl, this is my friend Will and my girlfriend, El”
He laughed, understanding his mistake, and then took El’s hand to shake it.
When it was the turn of Dustin’s friend, Will, he simply froze. He took a good look at him and something felt .. familiar. Like something was attracting him.
Those hazel eyes looked so deep, full of emotions, secrets hidden deep below the surface.
Those secrets he recognised them. Because he shared them too.
He shook Will’s hand softly while still staring into his eyes, trying to understand this boy who seemed to be hiding so much of himself.
Will smiled and Dustin coughed, reminding Carlton that he and his girlfriend were still there.
“How’s Seth?”
Even with the effects of the alcohol calming him down, that name hit him like a punch in the gut.
With Lucy, they avoided saying it out loud, like it was a curse. But it wasn't, he was just someone who had hurt Carlton. And his name was still too much to bear for him.
He looked around him, trying to see if anyone had heard what Dustin had just said. Hawkins was a small town and small town meant often closed minded people. But nobody was paying attention to their group, everyone was busy with their own friends.
He looked at Dustin.
“Dude, not here.”
He heard his friend chuckle.
“You mentioned Suzie”
That annoyed Carlton a bit.
“You know that's different”
He had no idea how or why Dustin and Suzie had broken up, but he was sure that it had been peaceful and that they had communicated and both agreed on the decision. With Seth it had been completely different.
After a month at camp know where of kissing each other in the dark without anyone noticing, of saying that one day they would be together, of loving each other, Seth had left camp without saying anything. Without even saying goodbye to anyone, even less Carlton. And they never spoke again. He had left him completely heartbroken.
So when Dustin was comparing his uncomplicated, open relationship with Suzie to his hidden and bitter relationship with Seth, it made him a bit angry.
But as Lucy had said, tonight was not about Seth, so he tried to move on to concentrate on Will now that he was alone with him.
The boy was looking at his friends who had just left to go dance.
“So Will- right ? I'm Carlton”
Will turned around to face him.
“Yes.”
Carlton scoffed at the short answer. Maybe the familiarity he had felt didn't come from the secrets they both shared, but maybe also from their similar personalities. They both weren't extroverts or partygoers.
“Yes? You're not very good at making small talk are you.”
The boy looked down at the floor shyly. Carlton could really see himself in this boy, even more when he was a bit younger, when he was still at camp know where. And that familiarity mixed with the alcohol created something deeper… that he hadn't felt in a long time.
He wanted this boy to look at him, to stop being sad to be in the moment.
Will smiled at him, unaware of the thoughts on Carlton’s mind despite the efforts of the alcohol to calm him down.
“Caught me there.”
The noise of the room was finally getting to him at full volume (an unpleasant side effect of the alcohol). He needed to get out of here. And he also wanted to bring Will with him, he felt strangely close to that boy.
Carlton laughed to get Will’s attention. He had never been an attention seeker, so he didn't know if it was the alcohol, or Will that had this effect on him.
“C’mon, let's go sit down– I need to be a bit more grounded.”
Will laughed, like it was a reference to an inside joke or something.
Carlton smiled at Will’s reaction.
“Why is that funny ?”
Will shook his head.
“Long story ”
And that made Carlton want to know even more. That boy was really fascinating in a way he didn't really understand yet. And if the two were really that similar then maybe understanding Will would help him better understand himself. And those eyes… Carlton didn't like the fact that he wanted to drown in them forever. Because that feeling was dangerous and he knew it.
“I have all night”
And that seemed to make Will genuinely smile. Like he wasn't used to having someone’s full attention. Another similarity between him and Carlton to add to the list. Carlton wanted to make this boy feel special forever.
He brought Will to a corner of the garden where they sat next to each other. Their shoulders were touching and sending electricity in his veins, but Carlton felt more at peace than he had in a long time.
They stayed silent for a few minutes, which left some time for Carlton to observe his new friend . He was staring at another boy across the garden. And Carlton knew that look all too well.
The boy was talking to Lucy and he had a blond streak which was very noticeable in his dark hair. Will had the same blond streak as he noticed, though his own was less noticeable considering Will’s hair was much lighter than the boy’s.
He was wondering what had happened between the two boys for Will to look at him that way. But he had a few suspicions. Suspicions that made him feel something he had no right to feel. He knew that boy for like what, 2 seconds. But he was so different from Seth, and that other boy seemed like he was Seth’s carbon copy. And Will deserved better.
He heard Will sigh a bit loudly so he decided to ask him.
“What’s with the blond?”
He reacted instantly, furrowing his brows in confusion and looking back at Carlton. There definitely was something there.
Will was obviously lying when he answered.
“It’s nothing, just - an accident.”
That made Carlton smile. Will was a very bad liar in a way that was even endearing. He could tell the boy didn't like to lie. A refreshing change from the last boy he had befriended… But it also made Carlton a little sad that something or someone was forcing Will to lie.
His breakup with Seth had traumatised him so badly that he didn't try to find a new boyfriend or even male friend before today. He was too afraid to get hurt, even if it was just a friendship, too afraid that his secret would be discovered and used against him.
But the alcohol made him bolder with Will and he really needed to try again. But maybe he was just stupid. So he let himself flirt with him a little.
“Oh, another ‘long story’ I presume?”
Will laughed, the sound echoing in Carlton's ears. Carlton was glad he didn't take his flirting badly. Will nodded.
“I guess so. Look- I won’t ask you about Seth if you let me be secretive about.. this”
Will gestured to his hair.
So Carlton had been right about those two. And he totally understood Will’s request, if it had been him - when it had been him he had done the same thing.But he needed him to understand that living in secrecy was not good. He nodded and took a sip of his beer, which was surely not a good idea considering what he did next.
Carlton looked into his eyes and was touched by Will’s honesty that he decided to be honest too. He told him something he would definitely not have told him if he had been sober. He told him about Seth, which was a miracle since Lily had to basically torture him to get him to talk.
“Seth was my friend at camp, we were very close.”
Will seemed really interested in what he was saying.
“Very- close?”
Will smirked. He had definitely understood what Carlton had meant, so he decided to confirm it for him.
“I think you– know what I mean.”
He saw him pause at the very obvious assumption. Carlton knew absolutely how he was feeling : scared that he had been discovered, anxious that he was that obvious and that everyone else could see him. But Carlton had said that not to scare him, but to make him understand that he was not alone, he wasn't the only one in this town who liked the same gender. He didn’t have to get stuck with the other guy who didn’t seem to care about him the slightest.
Will seemed to calm down and get used to the fact that Carlton knew. Carlton was a bit proud when he admitted.
“I suppose so.”
Carlton smiled, relieved he had been right.
“So now tell me ”
Will paused for a second, like he was wondering and maybe a bit scared of what Carlton was going to ask him.
“What ?”
Carlton smiled. He felt a bit mean and intrusive to ask a boy he barely knew about something that seemed very personal, but he did open up to Will, and maybe the boy would like to talk to someone.
“I told you about Seth, so– what’s with the hair?”
He put his hand in his hair as an example.
Will sighed deeply in a way that seemed almost .. Regretful? He looked for quite a long time at the boy talking to Lucy like he was wanting for him to come, to talk to him. This angered Carlton, because how could this boy leave an incredible human being like that; yearning, hoping, when nothing would happen?
Carlton listened carefully when Will answered.
“Dyed a friend's hair, got too drunk– messed up with the bleach. That’s all.”
Carlton didn't even need to ask him who the mysterious boy was.
“And he’s the guy with the blonde stroke in his hair that’s talking to my cousin I assume?”
Carlton almost laughed bitterly at how fast Will snapped his head at him. Did he really think he hadn't noticed who he was staring at since the beginning of the party ? When he was in his place, he had at least the decency to be sneaky when he was staring at Seth, Will had almost never stopped looking at the guy.
And Carlton had to admit it, he was feeling jealous. But Will deserved better, so he got closer to him, letting him understand that he could do better. Being so close to him without touching him was intoxicating in a way.
Will looked at Carlton, very confused.
“Just following where your eyes kept straying away to, dude.”
Will looked back quickly at Carlton, looking a bit anxious, like he was trying to avoid someone’s gaze.
“It was a mistake.”
Carlton danced internally. Did he really have a chance with that incredible, sensitive, beautiful guy? Even for just one night, Carlton would take it. So Will could understand his worth and not be hurt like he himself had been.
Will had never responded badly to his flirting, so he decided to keep doing it.
“The hair or the guy?”
Will seemed confused by this question, and he didn’t seem particularly sure of his answer. He also seemed a bit.. nervous around him too ?
“What? no– er, the hair.”
Carlton smirked. Maybe his flirting had paid off after all. So he decided to go a step further : he put his hand on Will’s hair and brushed the blond strand, his hand hovering above his temples. He could feel the heat of Will’s skin with the close proximity. The hair between them was heavy with tension.
“Right. Anyway– I wouldn't be too embarrassed, it’s kinda cool.”
Carlton let himself look into Will’s eyes for a moment, trying to show him his true personality without words. Because, behind the smug and flirty shield he had put on tonight, he was scared.
“It looks like the sunlight is just like– permanently on your hair.”
Will smiled, a smile that could light up the room. He answered kindly.
“I suppose so”
Carlton couldn’t take it anymore. He put his hands on Will’s waist and brought him closer to him until there was barely no space between them. He felt Will tensed at the contact and feared that he had misinterpreted everything and that he had messed everything up.
“Is this okay?”
He was so relieved when Will nodded. He wanted to get closer to him, to hold this boy and kiss him until he forgot about the other boy, until Carlton himself forgot about Seth.
Carlton started to kiss Will”s earlobe and the boy seemed to like that, so he kissed his neck and touched Will’s skin under his shirt. Carlton hadn’t felt this good with someone for a long time. With Will everything seemed easy : he was caring and not ashamed of Carlton.
For a while, Carlton felt like there was just Will and him in the world, and for the first time in forever, Seth wasn’t on his mind.
Until Will reminded them of where they were.
“Hey, uh– Carl?”
Carlton hummed against his neck, not wanting to switch position, not wanting to pop their little bubble.
“Hm?”
Will seemed anxious when he answered.
“You might wanna–”
Carlton heard him before he saw him. Will’s famous blondie. He looked up at him, annoyed that he had broken the moment. He hadn't spared a glance at Will since the beginning of the night, why start now?
“Ah. Right– the blondie.”
Carlton felt a bit of satisfaction at the boy’s reaction. He seemed upset when he first talked.
“Who are you?!”
Carlton didn’t move, he stood his ground, not willing to let Seth 2.0 win the game. He tried not to be too smug when he answered.
“Carlton. I’m Lucy’s cousin.”
He heard the boy breathing deeply in what seemed like anger.
“Will, inside– now.”
Will frowned. And Carlton got angry. Who did he think he was to tell him what he had to do? He seemed upset.
“What? Why?!”
Carlton interfered.
“Yeah dude, calm down.”
Mike glanced at Carlton, then at Will, and then at Carlton’s hand which was still very much so on Will's waist under his shirt. Then Mike reached down, grabbed Will’s hand as he dragged him away. Carlton, now furious this guy was deciding for Will shouted after him but they were already long gone.
But he was not only furious. He also felt betrayed. He had opened up to him, told him about his deepest wound and he just left. Without even fighting. He had just abandoned him.
And Carlton felt like he was a 14 year old teen again. Abandoned again. He had allowed himself to love again only for him to end up the same way as before.
Heartbroken.
And alone.