Chapter Text
“Remember our first hike?”
Like it was yesterday. You’ve been clinging onto a lot of memories like that lately. Organizing the sequence of events, conversations that left a mark on the memory, tallying every insignificant detail you can in order to ensure as little as possible is lost to time. All you’ve done is remember. You have to.
You nod.
“Wasn’t it fun, Kris? I remember how far behind you were. Something about human biology making it harder at that age?”
Vague. Unclear. Obfuscations of the specifics to provide a more digestible narrative. To get you to fill in the blanks.
You tell her it was because of your asthma.
“Oh...? Oh! Right! Silly me. I forgot about that, fafaha!”
She shuffles in her spot, curling her knees in. Flecks of dirt fly into the air.
“A-anyway! I was just thinking about it, you know? My mom was getting impatient about you holding us back, and you wouldn’t let yours carry you the rest of the way, so I volunteered to stay behind to make sure you wouldn’t get lost!”
Why is she telling you this? Like you weren’t there with her? Like you don’t remember such an important memory? You remember it... right? Definitely. It’s there, clear as day. Like stepping right back into it. You know it. You haven’t forgotten it. You remember.
You nod again, affirming her recollection. She grows a wide smile toward you.
“Yeah! So, uhm, when our parents went ahead, we walked together, you and me, Kris, and I remember how you told me to wait for you so you could take a bathroom break. You walked off to angel knows where and when you came back, you were holding this MASSIVE spider!” She gestures with her hands, mimicking the approximate size of it.
“You chased me with it for so long that we ended up catching up to our moms! They were sooo confused, faha!”
The giddy attitude makes her stomp her hooves, kicking up pebbles into the lake. She’s laughing. Her head bobs back and forth as it rises and lowers from the releasing chuckles. Her shoulders roll, and she grips her stomach from the ache. She has to take heavier and deeper heaves with each passing breath. She’s so, overwhelmingly happy.
You stare. You’re comparing it to all the other times you’ve seen her expressions of joy. From pranks, bad jokes, and the occasional impromptu slapstick bit. There’s enough to fill thirty photo albums with just her laugh. That beautiful, sweet laugh. Slotting the one you see right now into the next volume should be simple.
But it’s wrong.
Holding the picture up against any other can tell you for sure. Crooked angles, off notes, the lighting not hitting right. You can’t articulate it, express it, anything with it. You just know it fails to fit into frame with the other samples.
Her laugh finally winds down after the minutes of self-indulged satisfaction settle into a whisper in the wind. She processes your blank stare and a concern washes over her face.
“Kris? What’s wrong?”
You stare. You keep staring. You look at every part you can of her form. Of her being. You’re trying to remember. You have to remember.
Her mouth draws a halfhearted smile, twisting asymmetrically across her snout.
“Hey, c’mon Kris! You usually give at least SOME response! What’s the matter Kris? Tell me Kris.”
Your eyes strain as a migraine rears its ugly head. Building on the surface of the scalp. Creeping its inhibition into your skull as you think and you think and you think. Red twinkles all over. A face to face hangout is supposed to confirm it all. Prove your fears, your worries, your nightmares. Prove to them all how you aren’t just seeing things. To will reality to fix this. Whatever the hell this is.
“Kris...?”
You stare.
And you stare.
She’s backing away.
You look deeper.
Even deeper.
Reach in as far as you can.
...
You remember.
You don’t know how long the difference has been there, but you can remember when you noticed it enough to start investigating.
“Ah! Dear Noelle! I see you have donned your Goggles of Foresight in the most desperate of raid scenarios you find yourself in!”
“...What?”
“Er... you wish to partner up with me for the group project, yes? That’s why you approached my desk?”
“Uhm... right! Yes K— Berdly! I, Noelle... Noelle of the North, hereby appoint you to be my greatest ally against the foe of the... the foe of the project thing?”
“Indubitably, my fair maiden! Your Berdinand, Knight of the High Minds, will take it upon myself to carry you to the Kingdom of A++ as we navigate the many labors and scheduling conflicts ahead of us!”
“...Your full name is Berdinand?”
“What? No! That’s the name of my knight!”
“Dude, your name is BERDINAND?”
“You aren’t a part of this Susan! Away with you! Me and my lady must draw up our arms for the expedition!”
“Whatever nerds.”
Susie kicks the back of your chair. The non-verbal signal meaning you’re her partner now. No complaints there. You figure Noelle is disappointed to miss yet another opportunity to get some time with her crush, but—
...?
She’s staring at you. Not at Susie, thinking you mistook a look intended for her. Not at Berdly, still monologuing in extremely painful gamer language about his new partner. It’s a direct, focused locking of eyes at you. Noelle stares at you.
It’s only now that you attempt to process the last thirty seconds, trying to figure out how this series of events lead to the world’s least planned staring contest. You replay the words. Everything said, everything implied, anything at all. It wasn’t a conversation even remotely about you.
But everything she said was to you.
This is the start of your mapping of memory lane. Becoming a cartographer of the mind. The first click in the lock is how you can’t remember a single time Noelle participated in one of Berdly’s larp sessions. Responding to it, yes, but becoming a part of it? It’s about as common as Berdly saying something worth listening to.
Click.
All of what she said still seemed really familiar though... Noelle of the North... Noelle of the North... Noelle of the...
Noelle of the North! A Dragon Blazers reference! She always found herself connecting most with the Cloak of the North. So much so, when you and her fantasized about hypothetical Dragon Blazers scenarios, roleplaying them in her backyard as kids, she would call herself Noelle of the North.
Click.
...Was she looking at you during the whole conversation with Berdly? That can’t be right. Surely he would have said something.
Well, maybe not. Berdly still thinks Noelle has a crush on him for some angel-forsaken reason. Could have chalked it up to “being flustered” around him. Dammit.
Was she staring all this time? No. You’re being crazy. This entire mental exercise is insane! Why the hell are you making everything about you again? You were just overthinking it. Quit thinking you’re the center of the universe, idiot.
Click.
“Hey, Kris?”
You nearly jump out of your seat from the whiplash of your senses updating. You were staring at her the entire time, yet hadn’t noticed her clop up to your desk until she said your name.
Noelle giggles at the reaction she caused, while Susie joins in the ribbing, “You gotta get out of your head, dumbass!”
You take a breath as you roll your eyes. You give her a flimsy wave.
“So, uhm, Kris. I was just thinking and... do you remember how we pretended to be Dragon Blazers characters in my backyard and we would come up with silly new scenarios to act out? Gosh, we sometimes did that for hours, didn’t we? Remember that, Kris?”
She’s back to drilling holes into you with her gaze. That explains some strange things at least? If she was getting caught up in nostalgia, it’d be reasonable for her to maybe bring out that side of her again... with Berdly. Not you. Is he better than you at roleplay??? This is crippling for your ego.
You... nod. This is still weird for Noelle, but it’s the USUAL weird now. She’s never started the conversation with nostalgia bait, though.
“Good! I wanted to make sure. I thought it was a lot of fun when we did that, fafaha!”
Her laugh doesn’t sound—
“Woah! You did Dragon Blazers roleplay?” Susie coughs her eagerness out, “I mean uh, yeah. So, which characters were you?”
You tell her you were Sword, with the rare Scarf play here and there.
“Cloak.” Noelle’s eyes stay, unflinching on you. Then she shines a wide grin and turns to walk back to her desk.
She doesn’t even give Susie the time of day. What the hell?
You whisper a question to Susie.
“What? She seems normal to me. I dunno, why?”
You bite your tongue. It’s just you. You shake your head in defeat.
For the rest of class, Noelle seems to have her focus completely on Alphys’ who is recounting the latest episode she watched, barely linking it to any actual curricular subject.
You still feel her stare when you aren’t looking.
You recount how you chased her with a beetle. Not a spider.
“...Huh?” She squints with a smile, “Kris! What’s it matter? You still chased me with a big, gross bug, faha!”
You ball up your fists. You correct the fact about how it was your dad that went on the hike. Not your mom.
Her smile falters. Her brow furrows. “Uhm, okay? It’s a simple mix-up? Sorry I got it wrong, I guess?”
Always with the plausible deniability. You never have the chance to stick her in a spot she can’t weasel her way out of. Everything could be explained away with a simple dismissal.
Until now. You have the kill shot.
You remind her you don’t have asthma.
You told her a blatant lie. You’ve never owned an inhaler, and anybody who knows you for longer than a day undoubtedly picks up on your massive lung capacity. It’s easy to be sneaky when you can hold your breath for a long time. The real reason you couldn’t keep up back then was because your legs were hurting, forcing you to take more breaks than the rest of the group.
A lie she believed. Your childhood friend with over a decade of history shared between you two. The girl you pranked every other day with unreliable rumors and exaggerated facts. The girl who knows you better than anybody else, with you knowing the same about her. She would be the first in line to block your airways in order to prove you wrong. It’s an unnecessary lie to make in the first place. Why wouldn’t she call you out?
The answer is clear.
Her face shifts through an array of emotions. Shocked, wide eyes. An angry, scrunched forehead. A neutral, flat expression. A sick, twisted grin, punctuated with a laugh.
“Fafaha! I got you, Kris! OBVIOUSLY I know that! I was just pretending as a prank! I’m surprised you didn’t see right through it! Wasn’t that funny, Kris?”
The cogs in your head turn. You have to stay strong. Don’t back down here. She’s saying anything she can to get into your head. It’s not a prank. It’s your opportunity. This is your chance so you need to take it take it take it take it
You ask her where Noelle Holiday is.
“Uhm...” she makes a gesture of looking around. The lakeside is desolate beside the two of you. The lake makes a small wave, nearly wetting your shoes with how close it laps up. The sun is setting, bathing everything in a hot orange filter. She points two thumbs at herself, “You’re looking right at her??? Are you okay, Kris? Didja have too much fruitcake or something? Faha!”
You stand your ground. You ask her where the real Noelle Holiday is.
She maintains her lighthearted demeanor, “Alright, c’mon! You’re being silly. I’m right here Kris. Your best friend since childhood in the flesh! Do I need to touch you to prove it?”
Before you can respond, she dives in for a tight hug. The kind you hate. Her fur chafes against your skin, lacking any of the usual softness it normally has. Her grip is strong like an iron vice. You want to break out, but a fear has taken hold of you just as tight as she has you herself.
She whispers in your ear, “Hey, Kris. Remember when we used to come sit by the lake after school, Kris? I would try to get homework done, and you would try your hardest to bother me, faha! I mean, it’s a little sappy, but I really liked spending time with you Kris. Sometimes it felt like we were the only two people in the entire world. Do you remember if you felt like that too, Kris?”
Her hold somehow continues to strengthen. She’s going to break your ribs at this rate. You try to struggle free. It’s the opposite of effective. Her grip tightens even faster. She’s laughing.
“Kris! You don’t have to fight so much, faha! Actually, in a way, this is kinda payback! Remember how you were big enough to keep me held down for hours? I would thrash and scream as hard as I could, but you barely had to lift a muscle! I guess the tables have turned, huh? Was this what you felt like back then, Kris?”
Escape. Run. Out. Free. Pain. Your head screams out every memory you painstakingly catalogued in a flurry of noise. It’s impossible to parse. You want it to stop, you just want...
You scream at her to tell you where the real Noelle Holiday is.
She groans, “Ugh, Kris. How many times do I have to tell you? I’m the real—”
A yelp is the next thing to exit her mouth as you leverage your entire body to launch the both of you into the lake.
SPLASH
Her hug already loosened a bit from the distraction, but the water allows you a more slippery escape. She claws at your sweater, carving holes into it. You pick up your feet and kick as fast as humanly possible in her general direction. Pawed fingers slip off, as you hop back up to the shore. She surfaces.
“Fafaha, Kris! That’s a low blow! Don’t you remember all the times you’ve shoved me in? You’re in for a world of trouble by the time I get my...”
Her voice fades away as you retreat into the forest. You’ve lost track of where you are, but it doesn’t matter.
You need to survive.