Work Text:
blood. blood. blood.
blood and spit.
what else what else
everything was hot and it hurt
tears. there were tears on his face.
what the fuck just happened.
Oh.
Yeah.
That.
Harry… well harry wasn’t Harry anymore.
he was harry now.
harry had… he…
he didn’t want to see him anymore,
or at least,
that’s what louis assumed
although…
every time harry’s knee connected with his face, harry screamed
‘i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you.’
by the end of it, he had to scrape out the words from his throat filled with knives.
the harsh jagged language hit his ears softly.
harry was sobbing, knuckles bloodied, jeans and chucks covered in the same.
it was louis’.
maybe he Kept those jeans, maybe he would Save them.
maybe he heard louis croak out
‘i love you too’
as he was walking away from him.
louis fell asleep after that.
he woke to the taste, smell, presence of blood.
his blood, it was painfully obvious.
it felt great.
the cold tiles of his tiny bathroom were coated.
white, pale blue
now with red.
God Save The Queen.
louis joked with himself in this state.
what else could he do? as long as
he didn’t move didn’t breathe didn’t open his eyes too much didn’t think
it didn’t hurt so much.
how many times had harry’s fist connected with his face? his stomach?
how many kicks to his back before he left?
how many times before had that gentle hand caressed his cheek before kissing him softly?
a quick kiss of pain blossomed in his chest as he contemplated this
ow.
quiet quiet breathing
shhh mustn’t wake my memories
he slowly bent his pointer finger ow ow ow
he stopped that.
Ah -- yes
That pain is because he was thrown into the wall.
He can see the crack in the drywall.
Louis swallowed the blood and spit and tears
They were still there after he did that
He knew if he were to look at himself
Properly
Anyone could make out the bleeding shapes of various sharp rings
Those were
From harry’s knuckles
On his skin
Again and again and again and again and again and
He gasped for air.
Pain pain pain pain
He didn’t know-or did he know
What did he know anymore?
Romance and pain are intertwined with his life it seems
He knows why harry did it
He had been so in love with harry that he never realized what they had was not good
It wasn’t the freshly baked bread daisy chain freshly cut lawns
It wasn’t summer nights and star gazing and laughing too loud while lying too close
It was pain
He understands that now
The love was never balanced
The love was insufferable
He wasn’t his
He never will be