Work Text:
After a long day of work, instead of being greeted at the door by his two loving partners (who Baek Saheon knows are home; he worked overtime today, and they both get off work before him), Baek Saheon finds a large delivery box. Large enough to fit a person. Like, Baek Saheon thinks that he himself could probably fit in that box.
…there isn't actually a person in there, right?
He pushes open the front door, kicking the box to the side. "I'm home! Did either of you order a body?"
"Oh!" Go Yeongeun runs from the kitchen, bracing a hand against the back of the couch and jumping over, before skidding to a stop just past the door. "That's mine."
"Thanks, missed you too," Baek Saheon grumbles, scooting to the side as she ran past, and switching out his shoes. He made his way over to Kim Soleum, who was sitting on the couch, engrossed in some American talk show on the TV. Empty food cartons were stacked on the coffee table in front of him. Baek Saheon scowls. "I told you guys to stop eating take-out when I work late. Do I meal prep for nothing? And I told you to stop eating on the couch."
"Sorry," Kim Soleum says, unapologetic, but gets up to throw away the boxes. He walks past Go Yeongeun, who had since pulled the large box through the doorway and was now methodically cutting at its tape with a letter opener. "Ah, wait, Yeongeun-ah, is that 'Viper?'"
"…Viper?" Baek Saheon mutters.
Go Yeongeun's eyes lit up. "Yes!" she exclaims, pulling open the flaps of the cardboard box, revealing a 180-cm-long plush replica of Baek Saheon.
Baek Saheon stared. "What is this."
"DER's latest exclusive merchandise," Kim Soleum responds, crossing the room to help Go Yeongeun unpack the doll. "A body pillow of Baekilmong employee, Viper."
"Is that the one that looks like me?" Baek Saheon asks, but it was an unnecessary question. It resembled him exactly, other than a few slight differences. There was an edge to the plush's expression not found on Baek Saheon, and its hair was depicted as just barely shorter and slightly straighter than Baek Saheon's own. Most notably, printed on its cotton face were two emerald green eyes. No eye patch. But otherwise, a mirror image. "No, more importantly, where are we going to put that?"
"We can put it on our bed," Kim Soleum starts. Baek Saheon absolutely needs to shut that down.
"You think you can fit that on our bed? We can barely fit on our bed, with your, what, agent chopped—"
"Agent Choi."
"—and you want to add another one? Try again."
"We can move it around until we find a place for it," Go Yeongeun soothes, but it's obvious she's more focused on cutting away the plastic wrapping of the doll than the conversation.
Baek Saheon can only sigh. He has a bad feeling about tonight.
Baek Saheon looks to his left. Kim Soleum has his limbs entangled with his plush of agent neck-scar-whatever, like he is most nights. Baek Saheon looks to his right. Go Yeongeun is cuddling with her newly acquired Viper.
Dating two people, but still can't get another warm body at night. Maybe I should get a body pillow.
Baek Saheon wakes up with the sunrise, a habit he's been unable to kick from a childhood in a rural village, despite having been living in Seoul for years. Go Yeongeun's place in their bed has long since cooled, with her waking up in the early mornings, still dark outside, to meet the intensity of her emergency responder career. Kim Soleum, not needed in the office until later, is still in bed, so Baek Saheon gets out of bed as quietly as he can, tucking in their shared blanket around Kim Soleum's shoulders before heading to the bathroom.
With a yawn, Baek Saheon flicks on the lights and meets Viper's eyes in the mirror.
"What the- fuck," Baek Saheon jumps, then groans as he bangs his finger against the sink's marble countertop.
When Baek Saheon said not on the bed, he did not mean to put Viper in the bathroom. He moves it to the couch.
The rest of the day moves as normal, and Baek Saheon hopes he can put it out of his mind. During work, the case from yesterday's overtime was completely wrapped up, so he comes home early, before either of his partners gets home. He walks into the kitchen to start on dinner, then double-takes because why is Viper leaning against the fridge.
He knows why. It's Kim Soleum's idea of a joke.
… At this point, he would rather have it on the bed, compared to finding it in random places all day. He moves it back to the couch.
Baek Saheon had just finished setting the table for dinner when he started to hear movement at the door. He glances at the clock — around the time for Go Yeongeun and Kim Soleum to be back.
He leaves the kitchen to wash his hands and comes back to all three seats at the table already occupied.
"Soleum-ah," Baek Saheon says, because Go Yeongeun at least has never tried to put DER merch on the dinner table, "why am I getting replaced by Viper in my own home?"
"So you can sit in my lap," Kim Soleum responds, with a perfectly monotone delivery. Go Yeongeun nearly falls out of her chair laughing.
Baek Saheon scowls, pushes Viper over, and sits down in his usual chair.
In bed that night, Baek Saheon looks to his left. Kim Soleum is deeply intertwined with agent-what's-his-name. He's not even going to try.
Baek Saheon looks to his right. Go Yeongeun and Viper. This, he can work with.
"Yeongeun-ah, won't you hold me anymore?" Baek Saheon makes sure to wobble his voice, just a bit, hoping to insert a cuter edge to his plea. Already, he can feel his face heating up at the thought of what he's planning to do next, but he leans into it instead. Go Yeongeun tends to find him cuter when he's flustered. "Please, jagiya?"
Instantly, Viper is dropped over the side of the bed, and Baek Saheon fights down the smirk that wants to overtake his face. Go Yeongeun rolls over and wraps her arms around him instead.
"I know what you're doing," she says, but doesn't let go. A win is a win. "You're lucky you're so cute, Saheon-ah."
"So you like me more than Viper, right?" Baek Saheon pouts, and Go Yeongeun squeezes him tighter and pats his hair.
"Yes, yes, our Saheon-ie is the best, isn't he, Soleum-ah?"
Baek Saheon can't see Kim Soleum's reaction, but he does feel his hand combing through his hair. Maybe, if he can just get an edge in—
Baek Saheon turns to look at Kim Soleum straight on, jutting his lip out just a little further and widening his eyes. "You like me more than even Agent Choi, right, hyung?" Baek Saheon knew that Kim Soleum liked it when he made a cute and innocent expression, so he was going to take full advantage of that!!
"…don't ask questions you won't like the answer to," Kim Soleum responded after a beat, but he dropped the doll, and his ears were red, so Baek Saheon had a feeling the answer would be one that he liked.
Two partners and zero pillows of DER characters. A successful night for Baek Saheon.