Chapter Text
Perry the Platypus frequently wondered what life would be like if he was just an ordinary pet platypus. Especially during moments like this one, when he's tied to an upside down chair and forced (by his manners —he's not a barbarian) to wait until Doofenshmirtz was done with both his backstory and daily monologue before attempting to thwart Doofenshmirtz's latest scheme.
Unfortunately for Perry, being an ordinary pet platypus was never an option. Not with being taken from his nest by the O.W.C.A to be trained and turned into a perfect little agent before he had even opened his eyes.
Over the past couple months he's started to find that he looks forward to Doofenshmirtz's monologues. Not so much Doofenshmirtz's backstories, Perry's never quite sure the best way to react to them; Doofenshmirtz tends to tell Perry stories from his miserable childhood like they're a joke.
Perry's noticed that one of Doofenshmirtz's favorite parts of monologuing is making a joke—that Perry knows for a fact that he spends a fair amount of time rehearsing—and then explaining the pun behind his Perry-traps to Perry. It's rare that he skips over explaining his puns (and No doubt Doofenshmirtz had some clever pun to go with this trap) but seeing as Doofenshmirtz rolled straight into telling Perry today's backstory, Perry knew he was in for quite a difficult thwarting today.
“—Behold!” Doofenshmirtz declared, interrupting Perry's thoughts.
“My Swapinator! Later today, just before Roger, the mayor, delivers his speech at the opening ceremony of that new public library, I will fire this at him and it will swap his mind with that of—” he trailed off while he grabbed something from a box with at his feet.
“This chicken!” he announced, holding up a weirdly clean and pampered chicken.
Perry paused his attempts to untie the ropes holding him for a moment and raised an eyebrow in bewilderment. (His scheme today was a chicken? Really Heinz?)
“Oh, don't you give me that look Perry the Platypus! It'll work! You'll see!”
Doofenshmirtz carefully put the chicken back in the box he grabbed it out of before clearing his throat and continuing his monologue “Anyway—Everyone's expecting him to make some big meaningful speech about ‘knowledge and the power of learning’” Doofenshmirtz quoted Roger in a mocking tone.
“But! When he instead clucks at everyone people will think he has lost his mind! And that's when I will be able to come in and take over the entire Tri-State Area!”
As per their little tradition it's at this point that Perry freed himself.
Perry's suspicions that he was going to have a hard time thwarting Doofenshmirtz's scheme today were proven correct. In his enthusiastic haste Doofenshmirtz had neglected to install a proper self-destruct button. He remembered to add one but he managed to forgot to actually wire it to anything.
Perry discovered this when he thought he had the upper hand and had thrown a wrench at the bright red self-destruct button.
Perry crouched and covered his head only to find that the expected explosion never happened. Indeed all that happened when the wrench hit the self-destruct button was a loud click.
After waiting a moment to be sure it wasn't about to explode, Perry hesitantly stood up and looked around.
Doofenshmirtz, looking just as surprised as Perry, shouted “Hah! My own negligence stopped you, Perry the Platypus! Nothing can stop me now from taking over the entire Tri-State Area!”
Perry, having recognized his chance, rushed up to the Swapinator and launched himself up onto the control panel. He hesitated, noticing that Doofenshmirtz had written the labels on the buttons in German. Perry—not understanding German—started to rapidly hit random buttons on the control panel in the hopes of overloading it.
“No! Perry not—” Doofenshmirtz started before being interrupted by a deafening high-pitched whine coming from his Swapinator.
The Swapinator started spinning uncontrollably, flinging Perry the Platypus straight into Doofenshmirtz's arms.
Doofenshmirtz managed to (resentfully) catch Perry. The Swapinator stopped spinning and pointed directly at them. Doofenshmirtz sighed, recognizing his defeat when he saw it.
“Curse yo—” he started before being interrupted and knocked unconscious by a blinding flash of green light—and an explosion—from his Swapinator.