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Eren kept his eyes closed. He had only opened them once since the rumbling started. He couldn't watch the murder and carnage that was happening. He refused to.
Instead he just let himself drift through memories. He had already finished talking to all his friends.
Except Mikasa and Levi. He would give Mikasa something else. For Levi he would talk to him at the end. Ackerman blood made them immune to memory erasure.
He had wanted to talk to Armin last. But you can't always get what you want.
He could still feel the last hug and the way Armin accepted to shoulder the burden with him. Eren knew he didn't deserve it but he accepted it anyway.
Eren could feel tears building behind his eyelids. God, he didn't want to die.
He remembered the way Armin's eyes used to light up whenever he talked about the outside world. Oceans. Deserts. Snowfields. Fire burning across the water.
Back then freedom had sounded so simple when Armin spoke about it.
Eren wondered when it had become something stained with blood instead.
Because from the very beginning all he had wanted was to see those sights.
To see them with Armin.
He wanted to go home to Mikasa.
Mikasa was something completely different for him. He wanted her desperately to forget about him. To move on from him.
But at the same time he yearned for her to not move on. For her to stay in love with him.
Because he loved her.
And maybe he had always loved her.
Maybe it had been there in every moment he wrapped his (her) scarf around her. Every argument. Every time he searched for her first after a battle.
Eren had just been too consumed by freedom to recognise it for what it was.
He remembered that day he asked her what he was to her. How desperate he was to hear her confess. How much he wanted to be able to run with her.
But could he actually do that? Could he condemn Paradis? No.
Worse, could he condemn 𝘈𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯 to that fate?
No he couldn't. And he didn't think Mikasa could either. It was nice to dream about it though.
Eren again went searching through paths for a memory. Every time he came back to the same one.
He could feel the laugh bubbling up his throat as he came up with the idea.
"Last to the tree has to prank Hannes!"
He was already running before the words fully left his mouth. He could hear Mikasa and Armin running after him and his grin widened.
He just needed to win. He always beat Armin. Mikasa was fast but he had to be faster. And he was.
Mikasa was just a little behind him and he could hear Armin puffing for breath already. So his grin widened again.
He was full on laughing by the time he reached the tree. He was huffing too now. But he didn't care. That's when Mikasa arrived next to him. Reliving it now, he realised she wasn't breathing hard at all.
Then Armin arrived doubled over and leaning on the tree for support as he started complaining in between gasps for breath.
"Y-you cheated." He took a deep breath here. But he was smiling too. His complaints were mostly for show.
Mikasa nodded, although she had her small smile too. "It isn't fair if you do that Eren."
"Well, I did and I won." The two of them sighed fondly before Armin pointed to the other side of the tree.
"Mikasa, you promised to teach us how to make flower crowns, right? Look we can do it now!"
Eren groaned as Mikasa nodded. However, all his annoyance vanished as her smile widened. Suddenly, he was interested in making flower crowns too.
He remembered sitting in the grass while Mikasa carefully threaded stems together with practiced fingers.
Armin's first attempt had immediately fallen apart.
Eren had laughed so hard he nearly dropped his own.
He couldn't remember if they ever actually pranked Hannes afterward.
The sound of their laughter faded first.
Then the sunlight.
Then the feeling of grass beneath his feet.
And Eren was back in the Paths again.
It was in moments like those that his thirst and desire for the outside world was quieter.
Because maybe days with Mikasa and Armin were freedom. And he wasn't clever enough to notice.
But maybe it wasn't. Maybe those dreams of the outside world were the freedom he yearned for. Because this sight was what he had desperately grasped for.
Then Armin exploded the body of the founder and Eren knew his time was approaching. And so he let go of the memories. He let go of his dream. He let go of freedom.
And worst of all, he let go of Mikasa and Armin.
Because they deserved a life free of him.