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Party Poison was on the bathroom floor again.
He didn't know what brought him there, with his arms bleeding and the blade slicing through his skin. He had no reason to do this today, no true justification he could use as defense if he got caught.
It was mostly just the habit of it, and to be honest… he found it satisfying. He liked the blood that beaded up from each wound, loved the sting of the cold metal against his skin.
And he knew that just made him all the more pathetic.
Phoenix Witch, I'm so fucking disgusting.
Party's hands were shaking, his palms pressed to his forehead as he surveyed the damage he'd done to himself. It was so beautiful, so ugly, so perfect, so wrong.
Everything about this was wrong.
There was a tap on the bathroom door. "Party, you okay in there?" Ghoul called out from the other side.
"Yeah, I'm good, give me a minute and I'll be out." the redhead replied, refusing to let his voice waver. He pressed an old square of fabric to his wounds, halting the remainder of the bleeding, and pulled his jacket on. He flushed the toilet and ran the sink for a minute so it would sound convincingly like he'd just been going to the bathroom like usual.
The Killjoy reached for the door, taking a final deep breath before he opened it and stepped outside.
Ghoul looked wary of Party, but he didn't say anything, instead replacing him behind the closed door. He was grateful. That had been a close call.
His arms stung as his sleeves rubbed against the fresh wounds, but the familiar pain didn't bother him. He liked it, honestly, it brought about a grim sense of comfort that he couldn't explain.
Party moved to sit down on the couch, and the Girl jumped into his lap, curling up against his chest and resting her little head on his shoulder. He smiled and rubbed her back as the two sat there in silence, warm and reassuring.
He hoped she never found out what he was doing to himself. He could handle the others' reaction- maybe- but not hers. It wasn't her fault, and she didn't need to know.
Ghoul came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, looking curiously as the two curled up together on the couch. After a moment's hesitation, he too joined them, settling down beside the redhead and resting his head on the redhead's other shoulder.
It felt… nice. He wanted to freeze this moment in time forever, put it in his pocket and be able to relive it whenever he felt like he had early. Whenever he felt the need to cut himself.
His eyes drifted closed slightly, half-lidded. He was tired. He wanted to sleep here, where it was warm and comfortable and he could hear both the breathing of the Girl and Ghoul steadily rising and falling in his ears.
In an instant, Party felt his eyes fill with tears. Yet, they weren't sad, not in the slightest. In truth, it was because the comfort and warm happiness he was feeling in that moment had overwhelmed him entirely. He'd grown so used to pain and anxiety and constant stress that this moment, this brief lull in time that made everything go quiet, felt foreign and wonderful.
"Hey," Ghoul whispered into the redhead's ear, his breath hot but not unwelcome on Party's skin. "Are you okay?"
The Killjoy only registered the tear that had slipped down his face as it dripped off his chin and onto his shirt.
"Yeah, I'm alright," he replied. "I'm okay."
And maybe his arms were still stinging, memories of how he had laid on the floor just minutes earlier plaguing his head. But he was okay. In that moment, he was okay.
Ghoul nodded, his chin bumping Party's shoulder as he did so. "Listen, I know this is out of the blue, but if you ever want to talk about anything, anything at all, I'm here. I'll listen to whatever you feel comfortable telling me. And Pois?
"I could never, ever be angry with you. No matter what you say. I just wanted to tell you that."
Party felt his heart stutter in his chest, and a fresh wave of tears filled his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but instead they spilled down his face, heavy and leaving wet tracks down his warm face.
Ghoul knew. Ghoul had to know something. Otherwise he wouldn't have said that, would have kept quiet and let the calm moment run its course.
He had to.
"Oh, Witch, oh, Ghoulie," he said, voice wavering. "Ghoulie, Ghoulie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I didn't…" The words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them, tumbling out in a rush of confusion and emotion. He was grateful the Girl seemed to have fallen asleep, and he hoped she remained that way for the conversation that was likely about to come.
"Don't apologize, Party. Do you want to talk about it?" Ghoul's voice was soft and reassuring, and the redhead realized he hadn't been lying when he said he wouldn't get angry. He could trust the younger man. He could.
"I've just, I've just been so overwhelmed recently," he gasped, choking on his words. "And- and it's become a habit, you know, and now I can't stop and anytime I feel sad or angry or stressed I just go and I-" he moved his hand from the Girl's back, careful not to wake her, and crudely mimed dragging a blade down his opposite arm. "And it's n-no one's fault, no one's but mine, so nobody else should have- have to deal with it. It's my problem. S-so, don't feel like you have to say anything, okay? It's not your job to have to deal with this."
Party Poison was rambling, Ghoul's gentle words having shattered the dam holding everything he'd had built up back and leaving everything to pour out from his trembling lips all at once.
"It's not a job to comfort you, Party. You're always here for us, always making sure we're okay, and I'm sure you don't think of that as a job, do you? But we never return the favor. You deserve to be okay, just like the rest of us. You should never, never, feel like you have to keep everything to yourself."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I should have told you earlier," Party whispered. His throat was thick and his head was spinning, his sin felt cold. He hated everything about this moment, wishing he could relive how the three had been settled just minutes earlier.
"No, no, don't apologize," Ghoul replied, snaking his arm around the other Killjoy's shoulders and pulling him close so now his head was resting on Ghoul's instead of vice-versa. It felt nice, being held like this. "What signs did we ever give you that you could talk to us about anything? We should be the ones saying sorry, not you. You've done your best to protect us, and we're so grateful for that. But you deserve to be protected too.
"I love you, Pois, we all do. I don't know what I would do if I-" Now tears were rolling down Ghoul's face to match Party's. "I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you."
For a minute, neither man said anything. They just remained there on the couch, holding each other as they both wept.
"You won't lose me," Party whispered, his voice breaking the silence. "I'll talk to you the next t-time I ever feel that way. I love you too, Ghoulie. I don't think I could ever abandon you. And… thank you. For everything."
Ghoul's response was a deep, shaky breath as he tried to control his crying, yet to no avail.
The warmth returned to the room again, the moment from earlier blossoming and replenishing itself again, yet with something deeper, something safer. Something inexplicable that Party welcomed with open arms.
Ghoul loved him, the Fabulous Killjoys loved him. And now he felt, deeper and more assuredly than ever, that he could be okay.
They all could.