Chapter Text
It had been a few months since Emily Charlton confessed to Andrea Sachs that she wanted to be friends with her. A few months filled with long evenings together, bottles of wine, business meetings, small talks, secrets, and laughter.
When things with Benji fizzled out, and Emily finished processing the end of her relationship and the loss of her dream job, Andrea convinced her to return to Runway as a Senior Fashion Buyer. Even though the two women worked in completely different departments, since Andrea was now the Editor-in-Chief of the magazine, it didn't stop them from stealing every possible moment to spend time together, which occasionally drove Nigel up the wall.
"You two were much more bearable when you were at each other's throats," he would say repeatedly. Though deep down, he knew the shift in their dynamic was pure joy to his heart.
Miranda, on the other hand, was Miranda. She still demanded a lot, never went into details, and only saw what she wanted to see. Perfect. Everything was in its place. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Life fell into its own individual, peaceful rhythm.
Andrea had given up on dating for good after a relationship with a real estate agent turned out to be an absolute trainwreck. Her forty-fifth birthday was approaching, and she promised herself she wasn't going to get entangled in relationships anymore. She considered herself self-sufficient, and truth be told, she was. She had a good job, wonderful friends, a beautiful apartment, she felt like she wasn't missing a thing.
And there was Emily, who was trying to balance her return to Runway with raising two kids on her own. Roark and Bronwyn were turning fourteen and twelve, spent every other weekend at Franck's, and were progressively causing more and more serious trouble. Emily had deluded herself into thinking it would be quite the opposite.
Consequently, she continued to persistently search for true love. Andrea would say she was desperately trying to fill a void in her heart - to no avail.
"Oh, he's an absolute idiot. Andrea, where do these people even come from?" she would say practically every week.
"Em, you should take a break. The more fixated you are, the worse it turns out. Seriously."
Emily would usually roll her eyes and change the subject. Though deep down, she knew Andy was right. However, the fear of being completely alone for the rest of her life was greater.
Practically every other weekend, Andrea would spend her evenings with Emily's kids while Emily went out on a date. This, too, had become part of their routine. Tonight was no different. Andrea showed up at the apartment door promptly at six in the evening. It was a winter night, and the snow was falling like crazy. The only thing Andy dreamed of was curling up comfortably on the couch with the kids to watch the latest Toy Story movie.
She rang the doorbell.
"It's open!" she heard Emily’s voice call out.
She slipped inside, a pleasant shiver running through her as she was met by the warmth of the apartment. The scent of baking drifted from the kitchen. Apple pie. The kids were wilding out in their room, the TV was playing in the background, and Emily was bustling around somewhere. Andy closed the door behind her and took a moment just to soak it all in. She had never admitted it out loud, but there was a certain charm to all of this. Knowing every corner of this apartment, Emily's kids treating her like part of the family.
"Andrea? Is that you?"
"Guilty," she said, taking off her coat and hanging it on the hook. "It's freezing and snowing heavily out there. Are you sure you want to go out?"
She walked into the living room, and her eyes found Emily, who was cutting the freshly baked pie while wearing her evening dress.
"Oh, wow. You're definitely going to freeze in that. Em, you'll catch a cold, I'm serious. Have you been outside today?"
"I’ve had a glass of wine, I'll be fine. Do you want a piece?"
Emily looked at her with those blue eyes. Her gaze always held a certain depth. On top of that, she looked absolutely breathtaking. For a moment, Andy lost her train of thought.
"Andrea? Are you going to eat some pie?"
"Uh, no. I'm good for now, thanks. Seriously? You've been drinking already? You shouldn't drink before meeting a strange man!"
"It's just one glass, I'll be fine. I need to get going. You know the drill, right?"
Andy nodded. Something was in the air tonight. Something was clearly off, she just didn't know what. And she realized that no matter what she said, she wasn't going to keep Emily at home. She walked around the kitchen island and approached the woman, who was slipping into her coat.
"Wait a second," she stepped closer and reached her hand out to the redhead's face, her thumb brushing near her lips, causing Emily to instinctively flinch away.
"Don't move, your lipstick is smudged!" Emily rolled her eyes and stood at attention. She didn't know if the alcohol was finally hitting her, or... whatever it was, but a shiver ran down her spine at Andy's touch.
"If you keep rolling your eyes like that, they're going to get stuck. Now go! And take care of yourself, please."
"I always take care of myself, Andrea. Now wish me luck. I’ll try to be back soon."
And just like that, she was gone. Andrea turned the lock in the door and let out a heavy breath.
Kids. Toy Story. She thought, heading toward their room.
***
The creaking of the door woke her up. It took her a few long moments to realize where she was and what time it was.
Emily's house. 11 PM. The kids had gone to bed shortly after 9 PM, and she had fallen asleep watching some trashy reality show.
"Fuck!" she heard a quiet hiss from the hallway.
She got up and headed that way. Her eyes met Emily, who was freezing cold and... crying?
"Em? What happened? Why are you crying?" Instantly, her heart leaped into her throat. Had that man done something to her?
She walked up to her and took the purse from her hands.
"For God's sake, say something!"
"Everything's fine, Andrea. It's not him, it's me."
She was slightly drunk. After all this time, Andy could tell exactly what stage of intoxication her friend was in.
Charlton walked into the living room and sank onto the couch, burying her face in her hands.
"I'm pathetic. I'm so incredibly pathetic, you know? I don't understand what's wrong with me. What else am I supposed to do? I meet tons of men. And him? He was perfect. He was polite, intelligent, attentive. And incredibly handsome on top of that. A ten out of ten, I couldn't have asked for more. And you know what? Absolutely fucking nothing. I feel nothing! I should feel something! I want to feel that teenage excitement again, the butterflies in my stomach. Anything. He drove me home and kissed me goodbye, do you understand? The Emily Charlton from a few years ago would have been all over the moon. The Emily Charlton after Benji feels nothing. Sometimes I feel like he took my entire capacity to love with him."
Tears streamed down her cheeks again. Andy sat down beside her and placed a hand on her back.
"Oh, sweetheart. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. You have so much love inside you. Look at how much you give your kids every day and how they thrive in it. Don't say that. You can't define yourself by your feelings, or rather the lack thereof, for some random man."
She began tracing circles with her fingers on Emily's spine. Emily wiped her eyes, sniffled, and straightened up.
"Oh God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that. Now I feel stupid."
She bolted to her feet and marched toward the kitchen. She filled a glass with water and drank it all down practically in one gulp. They had known each other a long time, but for some reason, their conversations weren't usually this deep. Emily blamed the alcohol. She set the glass on the counter and closed her eyes for a moment. Her head was spinning. She wanted to disappear. And Andrea. Sweet, pure, clueless Andrea.
"You have no reason to feel stupid. Em, we're friends. You can tell me anything. We listen. We don't judge."
Charlton rolled her eyes again.
"Emily. Stop. Literally, just stop."
Even though she felt horribly foolish, she still felt a terrifying wave of fear, helplessness, and sadness. Why? Why couldn't she fall in love? Find someone who would be good to her and the kids? What was broken inside her?
"Okay, I need to lie down."
"Do you... do you want me to stay?"
"You mean... for the night?"
Andy nodded hesitantly. A sudden flash crossed her mind, the image of them falling asleep in the same bed. Emily feeling her presence beside her all night. Finally. Someone's presence. In her own bed. She could barely remember what that felt like.
"No. Yes. I mean. There's a blizzard. You should stay. I'll make the bed for you in the guest room."
She walked past her, avoiding eye contact, but the brunette caught her by the wrist.
"Listen..."
"No, it's fine. You have to stay, I'm not letting you go home like this."
"Emily, that's not what I mean-"
"Andy. It's fine." She slipped out of her grip and kept moving.
She didn't want to continue this conversation. She didn't want to feel any of the emotions that had started sprouting inside her tonight. All she needed was to bury herself under the covers and pretend she didn't exist.
She walked into the guest room, only to be met by a freezing chill. Right, the heating was turned off since people rarely used it. For God's sake!
"I'm sorry, it'll take ages to warm up. I wasn't expecting guests, I..." she began to scramble.
"Hey, it's okay. You're tired, you should go to bed. I'll go back to my place. I'll be fine."
"No, Andy. I am not sending you home in this weather, that would be incredibly selfish. Maybe... fuck. You can sleep in my bedroom, I'll take the couch in the living room."
"I am not taking your own bed from you, are you crazy? I'll take the couch."
"You are not sleeping on the couch when you do so many favors for me! You're sleeping in my room. End of discussion."
Andrea counted to five in her head and nodded at her friend. She knew she stood no chance in this argument anyway. As usual.
She was given pajamas and a new toothbrush. After a shower, they said their goodnight and went separate ways. A certain tension hung in the air. Andy had probably never seen Emily this vulnerable in her entire life. And just when it seemed like she was handling it well, that Emily felt safe around her, she had suddenly taken several steps back and closed herself off. As if they had just met yesterday.
She lay in the dark room, staring at the ceiling. The bed was far more comfortable than the one in her own apartment; the mattress yielded under her like a cloud. She felt exhausted after a whole week at Runway, but her mind kept analyzing the conversation with the redhead. She wondered how she could handle this without hitting a brick wall again. She felt guilty, worried she had said the wrong thing. And now Emily was likely regretting her words and quietly crying herself to sleep on the couch in her own living room!
Andrea bolted upright and walked out of the room. The house was consumed by silence. She felt the cold tiles beneath her feet, and through the window, she could see the snowflakes raging in the whistling wind. For a moment, she felt like they were in a locked fortress, protected from whatever unknown danger lay out in that snowy wasteland.
She padded toward the living room. Standing in the doorway, she discerned Emily's silhouette lying on the couch under a blanket. Instantly, her heart ached for her.
"Em...?" she said softly, not wanting to startle her.
"Go to sleep, Andrea."
"I can't sleep knowing you're lying in this freezing living room under some pathetically thin blanket."
She sat down beside her on the edge of the couch, and just as she expected, the woman's eyes were wet with tears.
"Oh, Emily... Please, don't close yourself off from me like this. Let me in a little."
"Andrea, you know more about me than any other person walking this earth. Don't be silly."
"I know a lot, but only on the surface. I want to know you. The real you."
She didn't answer. She just sniffled, and Sachs took it as a quiet admission that she was right. Letting out a heavy breath, Andrea gently slid her fingers toward Charlton's hand.
"Come on."
"Where?"
"To bed. You're not sleeping here alone. Now. No arguments. Or I'll carry you there myself. And don't you dare roll your eyes."
Success. Emily untangled herself from the blanket and stood before Andy, looking down at her. The moment hung suspended between them.
"Fine. Let's go to sleep," she finally said.
When they settled into the warm bed, keeping a safe distance between them, Emily breathed a small sigh of relief. She felt like she should say something, but wasn't entirely sure what. She turned toward Andy and began.
"Listen... I'm sorry."
Andy shifted closer, and now, level with her eyes, she began to study her.
"You have nothing to apologize for. You need to rest now."
Emily offered her a hesitant smile, which was warmly returned. She felt her heart beat a little faster at the small gesture. Foolish.
"You still have goosebumps," Andy noted. "Mmm, do you want to cuddle?" She spoke in a charming, playful tone, causing Emily to scoff.
Andy always used that tone when she wanted to initiate some closer interaction but didn't want to make things awkward.
"Yes. Yes, I want to cuddle," Emily said with a chuckle.
Andy wrapped her arm around her friend's waist and pulled her closer. Emily hesitantly tucked her head into the crook of Andy's neck and draped her arm over her waist. The other woman's warmth washed over her, and now she could feel her breath and heartbeat with her entire being.
It was the first time they had ever found themselves in a situation like this, and for some reason, it was easier than actually putting her feelings into words for Andrea. She wasn't entirely convinced this was something friends did, but she didn't want to analyze it right now.
However, Andy pulled her closer, and her hand, still tracing those soothing, small circles, slipped instinctively beneath the riding-up hem of Emily’s shirt. When Andy’s warm fingers brushed against the bare skin of her side, Emily froze. To Andy, it was just a reflex, another comforting gesture, but Emily… Emily felt it. She felt those damn butterflies in her stomach, like a foolish teenager. All over again.