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"Thanks for comin', we're Wind Breaker!"
The applause dampens as Haruka walks off stage, someone throwing him a towel he immediately uses to wipe the sweat off his face. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to how bright and hot the stage lights are.
"Good job, guys", Hiragi nods at them, an iPad in his hands as he's coordinating something with one of the stage hands. Haruka nods back, too worn out to talk to their manager right now. He seems to be busy anyway.
Time blurs between hands grabbing at him to remove his in-ears and mic pack, and reaching the dressing room. He gets changed and wipes his make up off robotically, mind elsewhere.
They've come a long way, he thinks as he sits with the others, waiting to be picked up by their team. When they started out, they were tripping over their instruments in Nirei's family's garage, always careful not to be too loud lest his parents made them play elsewhere. It's been an uphill battle for them but now they're regularly playing sold out shows. It's no arenas or stadiums yet but their fan base has been growing exponentially for a while now, their songs receiving more streams, and people posting videos with their music in the background.
It feels good to be acknowledged for their hard work. All the hours of practice, of blood, sweat and tears poured into their compositions and lyrics until it's all perfect, working themselves to the bone from dusk 'til dawn to polish their live performances, making sure all the instruments sound as good as they can, Haruka ensuring that he hits every note just right, finally amounting to something tangible.
Still, as much as they all enjoy being on stage and sharing their music with others, the lull after performances is also nice. It's quiet in the dressing room, everyone engrossed in their own thoughts. Suo is in the corner meditating while Nirei and Kiryu are lying on the floor, both of them scrolling on their phones. Sugishita has fallen asleep on the couch.
"Ready?", the door opens and Hiragi steps in. Tsugeura is tailing him, clearly done moving their instruments into the truck and packing up the merch stand. Despite the physical labor, Tsugeura still looks ready to run a marathon, Haruka doesn't know how he does it.
Nodding, Haruka moves to get up, nudging Sugishita awake in the process. The other swats at him and grunts, but Haruka is unrelenting when he pulls at him just enough for the giant to fall off the couch. Nirei rushes over to help him up, placating words on his tongue as Haruka walks away.
He yearns for his apartment, a nicer place now than the one he lived in throughout his teenage years, looking forward to a hot shower and some instant noodles before falling into bed. Yeah, he can almost smell the spices. All that's standing between him and pure bliss right now is the stage door.
Umemiya — their suspiciously young CEO — emphasizes the importance of fan interactions in every meeting, urging them to build relationships with their audience so they'll never forget whom they work so hard for, whom their music might be helping. It's a nice sentiment that Haruka usually agrees with, but sometimes he's too tired to deal with screaming fans. Sue him.
Still, a job is a job. He hears the noise before the door is even opened, Tsugeura and their friend Tsubaki acting as security guards as they step outside. It's a decent crowd out there tonight, at least 50 people holding up phones and begging for autographs.
Haruka forces a smile onto his face, his cheeks straining under the effort, and starts posing for selfies. He doesn't like when strangers touch him and thankfully, most of their fans know and respect this, so it's not as bad as it could be. He still doesn't enjoy having his picture taken though, he doesn't think he ever will.
When he looks over, he sees his band mates doing the same things, going through the motions. Nirei is always so sincere, engaging their fans in conversation as he anxiously signs autographs and holds up peace signs. Kiryu is a natural, charming the socks off of everyone in attendance with his easy smile and sweet voice, happily posing and laughing with their fans. Sugishita, the lucky bastard, is known for his antisocial attitude, so all he has to do is stand closer to some fans and let them talk at him and take some pictures of him as if he were some zoo animal.
And then there's Suo.
Their bassist has the same caged animal instincts as Haruka, but he's a billion times better at hiding it. Smooth and elegant, he swiftly avoids any touches as he converses with their fans, his voice steady and words sophisticated. His smile is small and insincere, not reaching his eye at all, while he lets himself be photographed and signs people's phone cases and forearms, his long fingers gripping the pens with an oddly mesmerizing beauty.
He's such a strange guy that often, Haruka needs to be careful not to get lost watching him. It's like a nature documentary, his mannerisms so refined and practiced, his smiles so easy. Often, Haruka wonders where he learned to act this way. His upbringing must have been completely different from Haruka's and yet he finds it's Suo who understands him best out of all of his friends.
Unfortunately, the other is a secretive bastard, so it doesn't seem like Haruka will get answers anytime soon.
"Sakura!", a fan yells way too close to his ear. He tries to be patient, he really does. He understands that they're excited; that to them, they're larger than life. He understands they mean him no harm, but still, the undivided attention and the scrutiny makes something in him shrivel up when he's reminded of it.
Really, he didn't join a band for fame or popularity — could do quite well without it. He just wanted to make music, the one thing he had to cling to as he was shipped from foster home to foster home, met with nothing but degradation and rough hands. In this world though, if one wants to make music into a career, all the other stuff comes with it. Haruka is learning to accept that.
So, he takes a deep breath and turns to her. He listens intently as she tells him how much their music means to her — actually appreciating that part and thanking her for it accordingly. But then, she asks a question he always dreads to hear.
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
He hates it. Interviewers, fans, online trolls — no one is exempt from asking not just Haruka, but all of them, about their romantic lives. It's so unnecessary. Everything anyone needs to know about their personal lives, romantic or otherwise, is expressed in their music. He doesn't comprehend this need for musicians to be made into celebrities, wishing people would just let the music speak for itself.
As he's been instructed, he simply ignores the question and continues signing autographs, but it seems this group is determined.
"C'mon", a young man urges him, "You're so handsome, ya gotta have a lady at home!"
Haruka doesn't appreciate the way this guy refers to women as if they're objects to be kept. Wisely, he keeps his mouth shut though. If he causes another scandal by fighting one of their fans, Hiragi might actually kill him or die of an aneurysm. Whichever happens first.
"Yeah!", another fan agrees, "And if you don't, there's plenty of willing applicants!"
He knows they mean well, that they're just joking. If he pushes through his horrible self image enough, he can even admit that they think he's cute and want to shoot their shot. Kiryu always says that everybody wants to live their own "Y/N fantasy", whatever that means.
"Thanks, but -", he mumbles but gets interrupted by another fan getting a bit too close for comfort. Don't attack 'em, he repeats to himself like a mantra, You'll get in trouble.
"Just one chance, Sakura!", the fan pouts, "I'll treat you right!"
He grits his teeth and lets the words fade into the night without acknowledgement. Robotically, he signs another autograph. It's then that Suo comes over, nudging Haruka's shoulder in passing as he saunters up to a fan who'd called his name. He's so calm and collected within this chaos, Haruka can't help but feel inadequate with how overwhelmed he is.
It seems that Suo's arrival has distracted the fans that were harassing him, their sights now set on his friend.
"Ah, Suo!", one of them shouts, "Do you have a girlfriend?"
They keep throwing comments at him about how hot and gentlemanly he is, how he must surely have a girlfriend — or multiple! Haruka grimaces. He knows for a fact that Suo is not interested in any girlfriends, but it's not his job to tell them that.
"Now, now", Suo chuckles. It tips Haruka off immediately, the other's tone shifting into dangerous territory. Most of the time, Suo has the patience of a saint, willing and able to hide his real feelings beneath an amicable mask and easy redirection, but there's times when even he's too tired or overstimulated to keep it up, and that's when he gets mean. Which is bad for their image.
Haruka doesn't care for their image, not really. But he does want to be able to keep making music, and Suo verbally laying into a fan would be just as bad as Haruka punching them, so he quickly steps closer. He bumps their shoulders together and shoots Suo a look.
The other breathes out heavily through his nose, but his shoulders drop, fake smile steadfast on his face. Crisis averted for now, but the peace won't last long if these people keep pestering them. Seriously, how hard is it to be respectful of the people you supposedly admire? Haruka's fine with signing autographs and answering questions about their music but this shit goes too far.
Also, he doesn't like them coming onto Suo. It's annoying enough when they do it to him, but seeing people throwing themselves at Suo leaves a sour feeling in his mouth, his chest tight. Haruka's always been protective of his friends.
Of course, he knows Suo doesn't need protection. If he wanted, he could give Haruka a run for his money in a physical fight. Nirei, whom the both of them are way more protective off, does not elicit the same feelings in Haruka either, oddly enough.
He has no time to think about this right now, nor does he want to. Fans continue vying for their attention, the voices becoming background noise as the boys work. He sees Hiragi motion for them to finish up and his shoulders sag in relief. Soon he'll be home.
"Suo!", another fan yells as they leave, leaning over the barricade too far for Haruka's comfort. And for Suo's too, if his widening eye is anything to go by. "Call me!"
The fan throws a piece of paper at him, and Haruka knows he has seconds to prevent a disaster. Suo seems to be in a bad mood for whatever reason and Haruka can already imagine him reprimanding this person with such sharp words that they start crying and then it'll be a whole fiasco that would only keep Haruka from his bed for longer. Not that he doesn't understand Suo's irritation.
Seriously, who do they think they are? As if Suo would spare them a glance after behavior like that. Haruka clicks his tongue and makes a split second decision he will not be able to explain or defend later. It's like he's taken over by a demon for just a moment, words spilling from his mouth before he can even think about them, desperate to go home and to get these people away from Suo.
"Back off", he growls and latches onto Suo's arm like a leech. He's not a physically affectionate person on the best of days, but there's a strange urge pushing against his ribcage that makes him want to show these people that Suo isn't theirs, he doesn't know them and doesn't want to. "He's taken."
And that's when Haruka wishes the ground would break open and swallow him whole. It's like his words, though quietly hissed, have brought an oppressive silence down on the crowd. Dozens of shocked eyes are staring at him and he feels Suo startle and turn his head, clearly seeking Haruka's gaze.
Fuck.
He feels himself blush fire engine red, the heat in his cheeks almost painful. Why did he say that? What is wrong with him? Suo is single, he knows that. And so is Haruka!
"Uh, I mean -" He waves his hands as best as he can while still attached to Suo. Letting go would probably be smart and much less incriminating, but Haruka likes the texture of Suo's coat and the smell of his cologne.
To his surprise, it's Suo who doesn't let him finish his excuse. He chuckles and covers one of Haruka's hands with his own. It's smooth, soft, so much less calloused than Haruka's, the only hardness in the tips of his fingers which he uses to play his instrument.
"It seems you've made my boyfriend jealous", Suo grins easily, "Sorry, guys!"
With that, Haruka allows himself to be lead into the car, his brain positively whirring with everything that just happened. Suo just…what? Why would he agree with him? Why would he call Haruka his — his boyfriend in front of all of their fans? It's not even true, they're not dating, and now they're going to get into so much trouble for this.
He really hopes this stupid mistake doesn't cost them everything. Their label isn't that close-minded and he doesn't think their fans are either, but what if?
This is still salvageable, he tries to tell himself as he settles into the car seat, grateful for the darkened windows. They can just release a statement about how it was an excuse Haruka stupidly blurted out on the spot because he was overwhelmed and frustrated. It doesn't make them look great, but it shouldn't be career-ending either.
The thought calms him down enough to tune back into reality. The inside of the car is chaotic, the other band members yelling questions at him and Suo with such speed that the words all blur together.
"Congrats, guys!", Nirei's words are the first to actually reach Haruka's ears and they immediately cause him to freeze. "Though, you could've revealed this in a less dramatic way."
Nirei laughs awkwardly. Oh God, Haruka thinks, They believe it?
"Right?", Kiryu giggles, "But oh well. It's been a while since we had a good scandal."
Sugishita just grunts.
"Good for you guys, seriously", Kiryu adds, "Saw it coming years ago."
What?
"Uh, w-we -", Haruka waves his hands as he tries to find the right words, his face bright red. Why are their band mates so chill about this? Where's the surprise, the outrage? "'s not -"
"Thanks, Kiryu-kun", Suo chuckles. Haruka whips his head around to stare at him so fast he feels something pull painfully in his neck. "You've always been perceptive."
In the front seat, Tsugeura laughs boisterously.
"Sakura-kun is so virtuous!"
Grimacing, Sakura chances a glance at Hiragi in the driver's seat. The older man is staring at the road with a pinched expression, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. We're in deep shit, Haruka thinks, Why does Suo keep digging the hole deeper?
For some reason, Haruka doesn't try to correct them again either.
"Whatever", he mumbles and makes the executive decision to shuffle closer to Suo, as far as their seatbelts allow, and lean his head on his shoulder. If the other boy wants to make fun of him and pretend they're dating for real, then Haruka's gonna make him pay for it by being his personal pillow.
He closes his eyes and feels Suo's breath hitch just a little, the other's hand coming up to card through his hair. Haruka hears Nirei and Kiryu coo, shutter sounds going off that he's valiantly ignoring.
"Thousands of young women's hearts were just broken", Kiryu giggles as Haruka drifts off to sleep. His words sound far away. "Let's hope we have a lot of fujoshis in our fan base."
"Sakura! Suo!", Hiragi's voice booms through the room the second Haruka arrives at the studio. He doesn't remember much from last night after he fell asleep, vaguely recalling getting out of the car and stomping up to his apartment only to promptly pass out on his couch. He knows he looks worse for wear today, but oh well. It seems everybody else arrived before him, as they all flinch in unison at the order. "With me."
Suo looks over at him and raises an eyebrow, clearly more amused than worried. Great, at least one of them is having fun.
When Haruka woke up this morning, he saw he had over a hundred notifications on his phone and immediately turned it off. He's not ready to deal with the consequences of his actions just yet but it seems he will be forced to.
"Good luck, guys", Nirei wrings his hands anxiously as they leave.
The meeting room isn't far but Haruka takes his chance to corner Suo against the wall as soon as they step into the corridor, glaring at him with as much contempt as one can muster at seven a.m.
"What the fuck were ya thinkin'?", he hisses.
Is he being unfair? Totally. Suo is a mischievous little devil, it's no surprise he decided to play along with Haruka's lie for shits and giggles, but still! Is this whole thing a joke to him?
"I could ask you the same thing, Sakura-kun", Suo gracefully twists out of his grasp and turns them around. Haruka's back hits the wall with a soft thump. "What was that?"
It's only now that Haruka notices the tension in Suo's shoulders and the indents in his bottom lip, as if he's been chewing on it. Huh.
"I dunno, okay?", Haruka frowns, "I hate when they ask us about shit like that and I know ya hate it too, so I just -"
He shrugs.
In front of him, Suo sighs but his regular smile returns to his face. He backs up a step, leaving Haruka feeling cold.
"Alright", he says, "I understand. Let's get this over with."
With that, Suo grabs Haruka's hand and drags him towards the meeting room. It's nice, holding his hand, warm and comforting even though Suo's hands are kind of chilly. Noticeably, Suo doesn't let go even as they enter the room.
Faces stare at them while they find their seats, Haruka meeting all of their gazes with defiance.
"Suo, Sakura", Umemiya nods at them. God, this was bad enough to get the CEO involved? "I believe congratulations are in order?"
Haruka stills. This is the moment where he should come clean and tell them this was all a big misunderstanding because Haruka's an impulsive idiot, but something stops him.
It would be nice, wouldn't it? Not necessarily dating Suo, Haruka doesn't want to think about that, but being taken. In the public eye, at least. No more fans throwing themselves at him — or less, at least —, no more invasive questions in interviews. Well, they'd probably morph into different invasive questions, but it'd be an improvement nonetheless.
Mind reader that he seems to be, Suo squeezes his hand and grins at Umemiya.
"Thank you", he nods, "Apologies that we didn't discuss this with you beforehand."
His remorseful expression and tone are impressively convincing, considering that Haruka knows Suo doesn't feel sorry for anything.
For the next few minutes, they listen as Mizuki reprimands them for not coming to them first to plan a proper coming out statement and relationship announcement, the two dutifully nodding along but neither truly listening.
It's too late now, so whatever.
"Oh well!", Umemiya claps his hands together at the end, "We're gonna need both of you to stay behind after this and talk to the PR team about what you want our statement to say but then you're free to go."
Wait, what?
"We're not being punished?"
It slips out of his mouth without permission, the surprise too all-encompassing. It's so stupid, this whole situation, but for some reason, it feels deadly serious.
Umemiya frowns sadly.
"Sakura, you should know by now that that's not how we do things", he sighs, "As long as you guys do your jobs and love your music, everything else is secondary."
That's probably not a smart business strategy for any CEO to have, but what does Haruka know? Furin Records has been doing well since its conception.
"Right, uh -", Haruka doesn't know what he's getting choked up over. Their relationship is not real. "Thanks."
It's only once they've spoken to the PR team — what is Haruka getting himself into, exactly? — that Suo and Haruka find themselves alone again. They wait to make sure the hallway is completely deserted before turning to look at one another, both of them clearly processing all that's just happened.
"So…", Suo says.
"Sorry", Haruka mumbles. He's so embarrassed about the situation he's gotten them into. Sure, Suo is complicit by now, he could've tapped out long ago, but still. Now, they're both going to have to deal with being publicly out of the closet, he's sure there will be lots of think pieces on the news and social media in the following weeks. "I just -"
His demeanor as carefree as if they'd only stepped out to take a breather, Suo pats his upper arm and smiles. It's gentle and comforting, his expression softened.
"No worries, Sakura-kun", he reassures him, "I don't mind. Honestly, I think we can use this to our advantage."
Haruka raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him.
"See", Suo chuckles, "Neither of us likes being pestered or flirted with, so this is a great solution."
Haruka sees his point, considering he had the same thought not too long ago. It feels weird though, lying to their fans and friends. He knows Suo doesn't care about lying — the bastard — but Haruka does. Also, what happens if one of them does want to date someone for real? Would the band survive a break up, fake as it may be?
Unfortunately, none of this matters now, because Haruka has already dug his grave. Now he needs to lie in it.
"I guess."
"Plus!", Suo slips an arm around his shoulders and begins steering him back towards their rehearsal space, "Some acting practice might do you good, maybe you'll get cast in a movie someday!"
It's a surprisingly easy facade to fall into.
Sure, Haruka's a bit awkward when it comes to physical affection but with all the practice he's gotten in over the years, Suo holding his hand or placing a hand on his thigh doesn't bother him too much. It makes him redden like a tomato but all things considered, that's probably a positive for their little act.
The whole thing even becomes kind of fun. Suo and Haruka spend a lot more time together, seated together at work events more often and going out on fake dates that are really just them hanging out. They've been friends for a while, of course, but usually hang outs include the whole group. Being alone with Suo is enjoyable in a way Haruka wasn't quite braced for, the other so innovative with their date spots, attentive and kind and funny. He's a little shit too, as Haruka knows him to be, but even getting purposefully riled up doesn't dampen the mood.
All in all, this whole business isn't so bad.
As for their fans, they took it in stride. There were some hate comments, some stupid homophobes and people who are a bit too parasocial about one or both of them, but overall the reception's been positive and supportive.
"Hey", Haruka greets Suo when he enters the studio earlier than usual. It's only the two of them there, Suo sitting on the couch tuning his bass.
"Good morning, Sakura-kun", his band mate smiles at him. Before this, Haruka had never really paid attention to how pretty Suo's smile is, but recently, it's been all he could think about. He's pretty in general, annoyingly so, with his stupid shiny hair and his long lashes. Haruka kind of wants to punch him. "Did you sleep well after last night?"
They'd gone to an arcade the evening before, staying out late as Sakura attempted every game they had to offer. Suo had only watched him, not a fan of video games, and made scathing comments. It doesn't sound like a fun time just talking about it, but Haruka has to admit he had a blast.
"Yeah", he hums and sits beside Suo, his own guitar still in its case. Suo sets his bass down on the floor, easily turning to face Haruka. Embarrassingly, physical intimacy has become commonplace between them after a short while of this fake dating business. Haruka's even come to crave it, like some touch-starved kitten, waiting for Suo to reach out. "You?"
Suo nods and Haruka gets tired of waiting, leaning his body into Suo's with a disgruntled sigh. Against him, the other boy huffs in fond amusement.
"Needy today, Sakura-kun?"
"Shuddup", Haruka mumbles and tucks his face into Suo's neck. He breathes in deeply, the subtle scent of incense filling his nose and easing the tension Haruka always carries in his body. Suo chuckles.
As they sit there in silence, just basking in each other, Haruka does wonder if this crosses any lines. The fake dating has been suspiciously easy, the two of them falling into it with little trouble. It feels so natural, to reach for Suo and have him reach out in return, spending their evenings together exploring the city or just watching movies, making sure to post a picture here or there to keep up the ruse. Still, not a single person's even doubted them — not online nor in their circle of friends. It scratches at something in Haruka's brain, evoking an emotion that he feels will swallow him whole if he faces it head-on. Which is why he doesn't do that, continuing to live in ignorant bliss.
After all, their little act works like a charm. Interviewers have been instructed that they want to keep the details of their relationship private, so they mostly end up talking about the importance of friendship as a foundation for any kind of romance, and uplifting queer musicians. Thankfully, neither of them is lying about being gay, that'd be really messy.
Their fans have been keeping their distance too. It's not like either of them has become less popular — quite the opposite — but barely anyone's throwing themselves at them anymore. A great relief, Haruka thinks.
One thing he feels bad about though, and that keeps him awake at night, is the fact that they're lying to their friends. Haruka can admit that lying to their fans is worth the benefits but the fact that their fellow band mates and all the other people that work with them also believe them to be in love kind of gets to him. It's not like it really matters, whose business is it who Haruka wants to kiss or whatever? (Not that he wants to kiss Suo, duh.)
Still, he knows Nirei would feel betrayed, his closest friends keeping something like this from him would undoubtedly hurt him. Haruka wants to tell them all, yet he knows it'd increase the risk of being found out. He loves Nirei and he trusts him with his life but he's well-aware of the other's affinity for gossip.
And if the media got wind of them faking this relationship? Oh, they'd be in deep shit.
Suo's hand on his face jolts Haruka out of his thoughts, a confused groan falling from his lips. An elegant finger is rubbing at Haruka's cheek, causing it to turn a bright red.
"What the fuck are ya doin'?", he grumbles. Why does Suo have this pathological urge to be irritating? Haruka was enjoying himself.
"We should practice", Suo sighs. He doesn't sound happy about it, nor particularly resolved, so Haruka doesn't move. Sometimes Suo plays at being the responsible one but then never follows through.
"The others aren't even here yet", Haruka replies and closes his eyes again. For a guy so skinny, Suo sure is comfortable.
With a huff, Suo jostles them as he shifts. Then, just when Haruka thinks he'll be allowed to relax a little longer, he feels something poking at his ribs. It tickles, Haruka has to suppress the giggles threatening to break free. If he appears unbothered, Suo will surely give up on his little scheme. At least Haruka hopes so.
"Sakura-kun", Suo trills, "Time to wake up."
To his frustration, Suo's nimble fingers continue to attack him, digging into his tummy and hips and finally drawing a laugh out of him. Haruka groans and relents. Fine, if Suo wants a fight, a fight he's gonna get!
Unfortunately, it was a losing battle from the start. Suo is simply not ticklish. No matter where Haruka gets him, the other boy remains unmoved while Haruka falls apart. It's embarrassing, Haruka doesn't think he's laughed this much or this loudly in months. His face burns with it, eyes teary as he tries to fight against Suo's deft hands but it's to no avail. He's just not playing fair.
It happens all too quickly, Haruka suddenly on his back with Suo hovering over him. He's still digging his fingers into Haruka's sensitive skin, this time the tiny patch of fat just underneath his chin, when they both still, becoming aware of their position at the same time.
This is new, for sure. While they've been close and unabashed about physical contact since they started "dating", and have grown used to holding hands and hugging, they've never done anything like this. Why would they? It's not like they're actually dating, yet Haruka feels his mouth drying out, the blush on his face brightening to impossible degrees.
It's overwhelming, the pressure of Suo's lithe body against his, his handsome face so close to his own, his scent and his warmth and his fingers, now motionlessly resting at his throat. Haruka swallows heavily and blinks, attempting to unblur his vision but the hazy feeling remains. It feels like he's suddenly in a dream, the world narrowing down to just the two of them.
Did they become too comfortable in their charade? Maybe at some point, Haruka's body had simply accepted Suo as his boyfriend. It's the only explanation he can come up with for why he feels so utterly undone at their sudden proximity, his undeniable thirst at having Suo's hasty breaths hitting his lips, the desire of tasting him on his tongue so immediate and violent that it makes Haruka gasp.
What the fuck?
Normally, Suo would have made a silly quip by now to dissipate the tension, always the one with the coolest head. Well, usually. But he remains silent, his composure visibly cracked if one knows where to look, and Haruka does.
He spots it in the way Suo's hand is squeezing the cushion next to Haruka's head, the way his chest heaves with shallow breaths, the way his eye is half-lidded and unfocused and, revolutionarily, the slightest tint of red to his cheekbones.
"Suo", Haruka says but his voice comes out as barely a whisper, the word swallowed by the thick tension between them, as if he never said it.
As he finds his eyes dropping to Suo's lips over and over again, his mind running wild with images of himself pressing his own mouth against them, Haruka thinks that maybe this could be good practice. After all, people might start doubting this relationship of theirs eventually if they never see them kiss, right? Private as they may be.
Right, yeah. Haruka nods to himself, the motion nigh imperceptible. That sounds logical.
So, without thinking about it for even a second longer, Haruka lifts his head and does what he can't stop thinking about.
Suo's mouth is as soft as it looks, his lips smooth and just the right amount of moist where they press into Haruka's. The action clearly surprises Suo — usually so unshakeable —, now jerking against Haruka's body, the hand on his neck clenching. It smarts a little, Suo's fingernails digging into his jaw, but Haruka doesn't care.
The kiss is unlike anything Haruka has ever felt before. He's not completely inexperienced — awkward as he may be —, having kissed a few of his friends in experimentation before, and sharing some kisses with Togame when they dated for a while a few years ago. But none of them have ever felt like this, electricity tingling in his fingers and toes when Suo jumps into action and returns the kiss, the contact deepening as they breathe into each other, kittenish licks and teasing bites exchanged almost shyly.
Haruka feels like he's floating, lightheaded and dizzy as he brings his hands up to clench in Suo's shirt, the hemp cool and soft beneath his fingers. He drags the other in closer, yearning for their bodies to be connected wherever possible, not a millimeter left between them as their tongues slide messily over teeth, entangling with one another while the room fills with breathy grunts and hushed groans.
They shouldn't be doing this.
A fake relationship is one thing, already messy enough in all the lies and publicity work it entails, but a real relationship? It's too big of a risk, one they can't take if they want the band to be a success. Yet, Haruka finds himself caring very little when Suo's hand makes its way up to his face and caresses his cheek with a softness that causes him to melt even further into the worn couch.
Why's he thinking about this anyway? Haruka doesn't actually have feelings for Suo, right? He doesn't want to date him for real, his mind's just confused. Making out with your friend can just be for fun, it doesn't have to mean anything.
Just as Haruka wonders how far he's willing to take this, fingers playing with the top button of Suo's shirt, the door to the studio unceremoniously slams into the wall. Somewhere, Hiragi is opening another package of Gas-kun.
"Hey guys, sorry we're -", Kiryu's voice trails off, "Oh!"
With a yelp, Haruka kicks at Suo, disconnecting their mouths as the other boy is pushed off the couch. He lands with as much grace as one can muster but still looks disheveled. God, if Suo looks like that, what does Haruka look like?
"S-sorry!", Nirei waves his arms frantically, "We, uh, we can -"
"No, no", Suo gets up as if nothing happened, fixing his rumpled clothing with practiced aloofness, "This is a shared space."
Meanwhile, Haruka thinks he's grown so red the others might not be able to pick him out from the crimson couch anymore. He kind of hopes so, unwilling to look any of them in the eye as he drowns in his mortification. Of course, it had to be the whole band too, and not just one of them walking in on them. Just Haruka's luck.
"Let's practice", Sugishita grumbles, uncaring as ever as he stomps off towards his drum set.
Haruka's never agreed to fast.
It's after a surprisingly successful rehearsal — considering the turmoil inside of Haruka — that the thoughts crawl to the forefront of his mind once more.
Suo departs early, and Haruka can't tell if he's running from him or if he actually has something to do, but it leaves him alone with the others as they fix up the room and perform maintenance on their instruments.
"So", Kiryu smirks at Haruka from where he's tapping away at his keyboard. Haruka pulls a face, already dreading whatever's about to leave his friend's mouth. "You and Suo-chan are pretty serious, huh?"
"Kiryu-san!", Nirei reprimands his band mate, clearly embarrassed. As if Haruka can't see him reaching for his trusty notebook.
Groaning, Haruka knocks his forehead into the body of his guitar, hiding his face behind it for a second. He loves his guitar, it would never embarrass him like this. Maybe he should break off from the band and go solo, save himself the trouble.
"C'mon, Sakura-chan!" He can hear the pout in Kiryu's voice. "We've been so patient and respectful, waiting for you guys to share more info about your relationship, but you haven't even told us how you got together!"
Haruka can't deny the accusations. Him and Suo were betting it all on their right to privacy, hoping they wouldn't have to come up with a cover story and weave an even more intricate web of lies, deepening their betrayal of their friends. It seems their patience has finally run out though.
"And now we walk in on you guys fully eating each other's faces!", Kiryu continues undeterred, "We're dying over here!"
Clearly having given up on pretending he sympathizes with Haruka's pathetic state, Nirei nods along eagerly. The genuine curiosity shining in his eyes and the supportive smile on his face is too much, Haruka can't take it anymore.
"We're not datin'…", he admits, still partially hiding behind his guitar.
Silence follows the statement, as expected.
Nirei chuckles awkwardly. "Uh, what?"
Reluctantly, Haruka looks up at them and is met with pure confusion, as well as Sugishita's neutral face. He blushes heavily and sighs. It's time to come clean. If Suo gets mad at him for it later, he'll deal with it.
"Well…"
All in all, it doesn't take long to tell them the whole story. It's no easy task though, his friends' faces circling through a myriad of emotions as Haruka recounts his spontaneous blunder and their subsequent efforts to convince everyone of their lie's validity.
Oh, he feels awful.
"But…", Nirei speaks up. His tone is hesitant, voice still thick with confusion and brows furrowed. "You guys were kissing."
Kiryu nods. "Didn't look fake to me."
Blinking, Haruka has to admit they make a pretty good point. A fake relationship might require public dates and physical displays of affection when other people are around — or even practice in private if you're really dedicated — but there's absolutely no need for them to be fully making out, especially where no one can see them.
He has no excuse.
"I -" He tries to rationalize it anyway 'cause if he's already at rock bottom, he might as well dig. "I dunno, it just happened. Didn't mean anythin'."
His friends look at him like he just told them the earth was flat.
"Didn't mean anything?", Nirei shrieks, tone more mocking than he's ever heard it. Oh, he messed up if even Nirei is mad. "You guys were seconds away from defiling our poor couch and you're telling me it just happened?"
Haruka's blush manages to darken even further, his nose and cheeks pulsing with it.
"I don't…", he furrows his eyebrows, frustrated at his lack of eloquence, "I don't like 'im like that."
At Nirei's raised eyebrow, Haruka concedes just a little. "…I think."
"Look, Sakura-chan", Kiryu sighs like a put-out school counselor, "I'm not saying you can't kiss your friends, you know I love doing it, but that was pretty steamy. If you don't have feelings for him, you're at least attracted to him."
That's somehow worse.
"Are you sure you don't have feelings for him though?", Nirei questions carefully. He speaks like he's treading over a field of landmines, scared to blow himself up. "You guys made quite the convincing couple, none of us doubted you for a second."
Haruka chews on his lip, distracted by the way he can still taste Suo on it. The reminder causes his chest to ache. Fuck, he thinks, fuck.
It wasn't supposed to end up this way. This was only meant to be a way for them to avoid unwanted attention, a mutually beneficial ruse. Sure, Haruka never quite figured out why this was his first plan for getting those fans to leave Suo alone, but still.
Oh God, he's suddenly hit with a new thought, did he always…
No way. No fucking way.
"Just think about it", Nirei says gently, a hand patting Haruka's shoulder blade.
"But", Haruka stares up at the ceiling. Slowly but surely, frustrated tears are gathering in his eyes. He doesn't cry, hasn't done so in years, and he refuses to let it happen now. Especially over something like this. "What about the band?"
"What about it?" It's Sugishita whose rumbly voice pipes up next, clearly annoyed with this conversation but unwilling to just leave. "We thought you idiots were dating for weeks, so just do it for real. Who cares?"
The other two nod along but Haruka doesn't think they get it. The gravity of it.
"What if we break up?"
Maybe he shouldn't be assuming that Suo would even want to date him. For all he knows, their kiss was just a lapse of judgment for the other boy and he harbors no actual romantic feelings towards Haruka. Annoyingly, the thought hurts.
"Then we figure it out", Kiryu smiles at him, "We're friends first and foremost, all of us. Some relationship drama wouldn't change that."
And maybe it really is that simple.
After all, Kiryu is right. They've all been friends for years at this point, have experienced the rollercoaster of life at each other's sides and while they've fought both verbally and physically, their friendship has only ever drawn strength from it. Suo is his friend, no matter what else may be brewing between them, and Haruka knows, deep in his heart, that the other would never allow that to change, romantic feelings or not.
It alleviates some of the weight threatening to suffocate him, Haruka able to breathe easier now.
"Okay", he mumbles and picks at the rips in his jeans, "I'll think about it."
Catching Suo alone becomes a difficult feat in the following days.
Slippery bastard that he is, he uses that skill to his fullest advantage, always vanishing in the blink of an eye the second practice ends. He stops showing up to their date nights too, Haruka's messages going unanswered.
It makes him reconsider, for only a second, confessing his feelings to someone this avoidant. Unfortunately, he still thinks fondly of the other, and Haruka would be lying if he said he wasn't desperate to kiss Suo again.
So he lays low for a while, lets Suo think he's forgotten all about the little incident. People are starting to pick up on their separation, posts circulating online speculating that they've broken up, even Tsubaki asking him if there's "trouble in paradise". Haruka just grits his teeth and smiles.
Finally, his chance presents itself.
There's a lull in their recording session, everyone taking a quick break between takes. The recording booth's AC is broken, so the guys are sweating, stripped down to their thinnest layers as they put their all into bringing their new album to life.
Outside of the booth, Hiragi and Kaji — their producer — give them satisfied nods before Hiragi opens the door.
"C'mon, let's go outside for a moment to cool off."
While it's still hot outside, the air is not nearly as stifling as it is in here. Unfortunately, Haruka will not get to enjoy the fresh air, as he has other plans.
Nirei, bless his heart, holds Suo back from leaving first by asking him a bunch of arbitrary questions. Once it's just the three of them left, Haruka stations himself next to the door and with a nod to Nirei, the other sprints out of the booth and locks the door behind him.
Blinking, it takes Suo a moment to accept that he's been successfully tricked. Haruka doesn't know if this has ever happened before. He has to admit that seeing the other so bamboozled makes him feel a lot better about the stress Suo has been causing him.
"Sakura-kun", Suo sighs and comes to lean on the door next to him. Noticeably, he's far enough away that they don't touch. It's funny, Suo is still dressed in a longsleeve silk shirt and long pants despite the fact that all the others — including Haruka — are clad in tank tops and shorts. He's not breaking a sweat though, composed as always, at least outwardly. Haruka can see the slightly animalistic look in his eye, unhappy about being trapped.
Haruka would feel bad if he thought there was any other way to get this idiot to open up to him.
Alas.
"Suo", Haruka stalls. For all that he's been wanting to talk to him, Haruka has no clue what to say. He kind of just wants to jump ahead to the part where they can stick their tongues down each other's throats; never having been much of a talker.
"I won't pretend I don't know why you've trapped me in here", Suo sighs. It seems he wars with himself for a moment before accepting the inevitability of this conversation. "I'm sorry."
Haruka shrugs. He can't say he doesn't get it, to be honest. While his own stress response has always been fight over anything else, he can't truly blame Suo for picking flight, as vexing as it is.
"'s a'ight", he mutters.
Now, how does he bring up the fact he wants to date Suo for real? Is there any good segue into that conversation? It should be rather obvious, right? Haruka was pretty enthusiastic when they were kissing and Suo is a smart guy, he can be expected to figure it out. At least Haruka thinks so.
"It's not", Suo turns his head to look at him and his eye is so sad it catches Haruka utterly off guard. "I feel like I took advantage of you, Sakura-kun, and for that I apologize. I never meant for my…my real feelings to get in the way of -"
Huh?
"What the hell are ya talkin' about?", Haruka frowns, "Ya didn't take advantage of shit. Ya think I wouldn't kick yer ass if I didn't want somethin'?"
Also…wait, his what?
"Yer real feelings?"
Suo swallows heavily but retains eye contact. There's a faint smearing of red on his cheeks, Haruka hopes it's because of him and not due to the heat.
"Well, Sakura-kun", Suo's gaze travels down to Haruka's lips for a split-second before meeting his eyes again. The tips of Haruka's ears burn. "I like you. When you said what you did, I couldn't help but use the situation for my benefit."
Haruka can't believe what he's hearing.
"I thought this way I'd get to experience dating you even if it can never be real and I suppose I let myself get carried away."
It's difficult to hear anything through the rush of blood in Haruka's ears but he manages. Suo looks so crestfallen and for the life of him, Haruka can't figure out why. Not when his heart has taken to soaring in his chest.
"I'm sorry for using you to fulfill my own desires, Sakura-kun", Suo inclines his head, "I hope you can forgive me, I'd hate to lose your friendship."
Idiot. He's such a goddamn fucking idiot.
"Ya liked me this whole time?", is all Haruka can think to ask. He refuses to acknowledge any of the other bullshit Suo just spouted, especially considering that it was Haruka who initiated their kiss. It's like Suo can't see the truth through all his self-loathing, too focused on putting himself down preemptively to notice Haruka drooling over him like some pathetic stray.
Shrugging, Suo nods. It seems like he's waiting for whatever punishment Haruka will bestow upon him, body language cautious. He's so, so stupid.
Overcome with frustration and blood-boiling want, Haruka moves fast. He glues himself to Suo's front, backing him up even farther against the door. This close, he has to look up at the other so he stands on his tip toes and tangles his hands in the material of Suo's shirt to pull him down a little.
"Fuck you", Haruka says lowly. Suo flinches, clearly expecting a rather violent reaction and as bad as it makes him feel, Haruka revels in it for just a moment. Suo deserves it for making Haruka worry so much over fucking nothing. He likes Haruka, has liked him for God knows how long. This could all have been avoided if Suo just spoke up for once.
Before Suo can open his stupid mouth again, Haruka covers it with his own.
He swallows the gasp Suo lets slip, quick to lick his way into Suo's open mouth. The other scrambles a little, uncharacteristic and oddly charming, before his hands land on Haruka's upper arms, digging his nails in as he returns the kiss with a fervor Haruka's never seen from him before, even on stage.
Wherever he goes, Suo seems so cool and collected, friendly and charming as he goes about his life as if nothing could ever faze him. On stage too, he's the picture of professionalism, never missing a chord or a step, always perfectly poised no matter what life throws at him. But here, now, with Haruka clinging to him and kissing him within an inch of his life, the facade breaks so sweetly.
Haruka bites down on his lip and feels as Suo's knees buckle, more of his weight having to be supported by the grimy door. Arms, trembling ever so faintly, wind around Haruka's neck, hands burying in his sweat-slicked hair as they — for all intents and purposes — maul each other.
It's gross, honestly, with the sweat and saliva mixing with droplets of blood from where one or both of them bit down too hard. Haruka's hands keep slipping in their grip, Suo's shirt wrinkled and stained with sweat by this point, the other's hands making an even bigger mess of Haruka's hair. Suo pulls on it, causing Haruka to groan in a mixture of pain and pleasure.
Fuck, Haruka thinks, we were so dumb.
Their bliss is interrupted when the others return. It seems Nirei couldn't hold them off forever. As they hear the outer door slam, they reluctantly separate, Haruka oddly fascinated by the string of spit connecting their mouths until it snaps. He's breathing heavily, surely bright red all over his body, eyes glazed over as he studies Suo. The other, for once, looks completely undone. It's much worse than the time they made out on the couch, strands of his perfect hair falling into his face and sticking to his forehead, his lips cherry red and bruised and his shirt damp and crinkled beyond recognition.
Haruka feels pride bloom in his chest. He did that.
They move away from the door just in time for it to swing open. There's no way they can hide what happened between them but for once Haruka's not embarrassed. Suo, however, looks a little pained.
Serves him right.
"Hi guys", Kiryu grins, all smug, as he returns to his keyboard. Sugishita just wrinkles his nose while Nirei beams, giving them both a thumbs up.
"Saku -", Suo clears his throat next to him, his voice quiet enough that the others won't be able to make out the words, "Haruka. Would you want to go on a date tomorrow? A real one."
"Yeah", Haruka grins, "I think I would."