Chapter Text
“These are in good hands now, promise!” The young man’s hands are still shaking, having just handed over a few generations worth of wealth. “Anyways, doesn't it feel good to get this weight off your shoulders?”
The one saying all of this is another, shorter young man with a hat, looking like the cat that got the cream. Overseeing the jewel trade has been beneath the executive’s standing for a while now, but he’d be lying if he said it doesn't take him back. That, and also…
“No one else called in today, and I promised Elise-chan we’d go on a date…! I'm counting on you, Chuuya-kun!”
So, while there are other things Chuuya would rather be spending his time on, he is not upset, thank you very much, especially since the boss has trusted him with the grunts’ salaries in gems for the next year. With this in mind, Chuuya twists his face into conveying exclusively friendly expressions, just until he exits the banquet and shoots off into the sky.
Traffic, the dashing pinpricks of cold light, ebbs and flows, winding through the streets. Approaching his window, Chuuya takes in the view of white lamps watering down the dark in a pale sheen. For a moment, he fiddles with a concealed latch, then slips through the frame, righting the curtains as he enters the room.
Of course, with the salary details of an executive, he could have gotten himself a penthouse with an ocean view, but the ocean gets very dark once the sun sets. Chuuya prefers the side of the apartment opposite the high rise, now glittering nostalgically, lusterless like the moon.
Tonight is New Year's Eve, and with the end of a year being quite literally over the horizon, there is no way in hell he is putting off his latest report. Adding up the cost of bandages for the shitty mackerel and the cost of benefits for the mafiosi soon-to-be killed in action, the total comes to, well.
Well.
That's when he really got upset.
Why is it that life is so easily quantified on paper? He's not sure what he was expecting, but the total sum is underwhelming in every context he can think of.
Nakahara Chuuya is useful. That's a fact he's understood for the entirety of his life. He also understands that Nakahara Chuuya's vessel isn't his, that his ability is a desecration of another sacred soul, and that his consciousness is the product of a very specific experiment. Still, he's been working for a long time to be human. The pursuit is less personal than it is embarrassing, but he's done everything right. He's behaved himself, he's been helpful. He's made himself valuable.
In the mafia, grunts are pawns that may be knocked down without a second thought, though some select few may be promoted to a more carefully treated queen. While pieces on a chess board can only bend to the whims of the game, every move is decisive of the game's result. This way, it could also be said that the lost piece is the winning piece.
There is a unique beauty to be found in that transience of life. Indeed, as a priceless thing, life becomes the most coveted bargaining chip of them all. For this reason, people can give up their lives for a greater cause, put it at risk for an unparalleled thrill, even bet it to achieve their ambitions.
However, Chuuya isn't entitled to such a life, and his inheritance of one holds no intrinsic value. In his conception, he has defiled an innocent boy in blood. He'll never know if he was a different person before, only that at some point, he wasn't a human, and he can only stay one by earning his keep.
A certain (fishy and gloomy, moony) piece of crap hated the pain of living, and Chuuya hates pain as well. Yet, unlike the wimp, Chuuya hasn't snapped once, though even he wants someone to remember their shared moments for him, and in their psyches, preserve any and all memories of his unabashed countenance.
Never have the people that do so fail to drift away at some fork in the road.
With this, Chuuya selfishly decides there is no longer anyone he wants. He knows the moon, and this is an alien city.
“Listen Kouyou, I think Dazai will actually kill himself this time.”
“I appreciate you, Ane-san. I’m so happy to have such a great mentor like you, and you're really important to me… But I think saving someone's life should come first.”
“Will you please give me a break even if I seem a little unstable the next while? I'm doing my best!”
He's insane.
“Akutagawa, please cooperate if you don't want your mentor to die.”
“I’m just so tired!”
“Don't die. Please don't die on me…”
“...”
He's going to go insane.