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Coco sincerely is not sure what is happening.
Everything was fine last night, everything was fine this morning, every floorboard in the atelier is intact and straight, and she heard someone else's thoughts in her head when she walked into the bathroom ten minutes ago.
Great, it was bitter in a quiet, seething way she'd only ever heard from Agott, of course, right before the field trip. Perfect.
Coco had frozen in the doorway, before daring to peek her head around the corner— Agott was at the counter, brushing her hair out with a distinctly grumpy expression. She caught sight of Coco in the mirror, and scowled, making a pointed effort to not make eye contact.
"Did you hear that?" Coco asks before she can stop herself— if she could bite the words back, she would, but as it is, she waits hesitantly for a reply.
Agott doesn't look at her. "No."
"Oh." Coco isn't sure what to do with that. She steps back out of the bathroom doorway, giving Agott her privacy, and frowns at the ceiling, rocking back and forth on her heels.
Is this a symptom of magic-doing? Random oddly-in-character hallucinations?
At her feet, Brushbuddy trots across the floor, before looking up at her with a small 'pwee?'
Coco crouches down to let it climb her arm, still deep in thought as it settles around her shoulders. I should ask Master Qifrey, she decides, and straightens up, giving the brushbug a smile.
"Let's go see what's for breakfast, yeah?"
"Pwee!"
-
Breakfast isn't any less weird. Tetia is already there when Coco enters the kitchen and is promptly bombarded with a wave of No way no way no way aaaah!! He actually made them!!
She blinks, exchanging a glance with Brushbuddy, who offers no words of wisdom, and cautiously makes her way over to the table to find Tetia beaming at a plate of... pancakes?
"They're cinnamon!" She exclaims as a greeting, "Cinnamon pancakes!" What Coco can only tell herself is the 'inner monologue' is following a similar trend; Best masters ever!! I haven't found anywhere that sells this in like three years, and they're homemade!!!
"Let's wait for Agott and— oh, good morning, Coco." Qifrey gives her a warm smile from where he stands at the counter, the white top of his dress pushed over his shoulders in a way that always indicates he's cooking in the same way an apron would. "Would you like some tea? Richeh made a pot this morning."
"Ah— good morning, master." Coco nearly stumbles over her words— there's so much going on at once all of a sudden!— and spots Richeh sitting at the table out of the corner of her eye. She holds her breath, bracing for another flow of words, but Richeh just waves, not looking up from her cup of tea.
Coco blinks, disoriented, and tries to listen towards Richeh. It's a lot harder than she thought, and when she finally can sense something, it's not words at all. It's nothing she can easily translate— shapes, not quite, it's colorful, there's the sensation of cotton fabric, and a vague gnawing feeling of hunger.
"Coco?" Qifrey's voice snaps her out of it, and she whips around to find him studying her over the brim of his spectacles, "Is everything alright? You seem rather unsteady this morning."
"Uh— I'm fine! I'm okay," Coco assures hurriedly, waving her hands, "Just slept funny, I think!"
Next to her, Tetia is also looking her over, but less like a mother hen. "She doesn't seem sick," she muses, "Do you feel sick?"
"No, no, just a little... funny." Coco says sincerely. Tetia seems to drop it, but Qifrey's concerned frown stays in place. She edges over to the countertop, lowering her voice a bit.
"If I could talk to you later about something, though? I just have a question." He immediately opens his mouth and she holds her hands up, "It's nothing urgent, I promise!"
He studies her for a moment, quiet, and then nods. "...if you insist," he sighs, "Well, have a seat then. Do you know if Agott will be down shortly? I'd hate to start eating without her."
Weird and unnecessary, Coco hears, and her head turns to find an empty hallway. Agott steps out a second later, walking to the kitchen with that same grumpy look.
"She's here." Coco says, a moment before Agott steps into the kitchen. Tetia waves her over to share the wonderful news about the pancakes, and Coco only realizes once she's seated and eating that she hasn't heard anything from Qifrey.
"Is Master Olruggio joining us?" Tetia asks, and receives an apologetic smile.
"I'm afraid not," Qifrey says, taking a sip of tea, "He was up all night... again. One of these days I'll drag him down here for breakfast."
"I should make him some of my magic Alp tea," Tetia muses, rolling up a pancake, "He needs more sleep, even if he's not growing..." Aren't adults supposed to have their sh— stuff figured out? Being an inventor sounds rough, but maybe that's just him. It won't stop me.
Coco finds herself tuning out the conversation, absentmindedly scratching Brushbuddy's back and staring at her plate in thought. This is so weird... she hasn't heard anything about this! Weird... thought-sharing? Is she just going crazy? But then why is it so spot-on? She really needs to ask Master Qifrey about this...
"Yeah, she's being weird," Tetia's conspiratorial whisper breaks her out of her thoughts, and she looks up to find everyone staring at her. Oops.
"You're starting to worry me a bit, Coco." Qifrey says gently, setting his cup down.
Agott glances at her, then back down at her plate, and doesn't say anything.
"Yeah, I think I'm distracted," Coco admits, putting her fork down. Tetia frowns at her, "Oh, not you too! You didn't stay up all night, did you?"
"I got plenty of sleep!" Coco insists, "I'm feeling fine, just..." she gestures vaguely around her head. "Thoughts all-a-buzz, I guess." And not just mine.
"Headache?" Qifrey prompts, and she shakes her head.
I need to die. The thought is so visceral, so sharp, bursting at the seams with a leaden sea of self-loathing, that it makes Coco flinch. Her hands clench on the countertop, gaze darting around— who was that?
Across the kitchen, his back to her, is Qifrey, standing at the sink. Agott is in their shared room, Tetia and Richeh are a room over...
I need to die and I need to die now. No, no, I cannot. How much longer? None of these threads connect. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep doing this. I have to keep doing this. I have to keep doing this. Why are you so selfish? Why can't you just give up? I can't. I can't. I must keep going.
A deluge of thoughts hits her like a hammer to the skull, and she stares into nothing, trying to make sense of the river, but it doesn't stop there.
One more day. One day at a time. He can't keep forgiving me. He can't keep forgiving me. I need to die. I need him to hate me before I die. I can't let him grieve something like me.
"—oco? Coco?" Qifrey's voice startles her, and she stares at him, eyes wide.
Is that... from him?
Qifrey tilts his head, eye drifting over her before he sets the vapor bubble clasps down and turning to face her properly.
"You mentioned earlier you had a question for me?" He prompts gently.
Coco just stares— please, no sickness, please, no death, please, anything I can use, please, oh, please, I can't keep doing this, I can't keep doing this, twice this week already I can't stand the look on his face I can't do this I can't do this I can't— and finds the only thing she can blurt out is, "A-are you okay?"
The avalanche of thoughts ceases immediately. She's left unmoored in the sudden silence as something in Qifrey's gaze shifts, studying her intently, something quick and startled and violent.
He smiles, small and warm. "Of course I am, Coco."
She falters.
The stream is silent.
"I'm touched that you worry for me," Qifrey says, crossing his legs. That smile doesn't drop, soft and pleased, and suddenly, the waterfall of thoughts is back— never find home never find home never find home never find home lie to me LIE TO ME don't do this it's something else, oh, god— and she hopes her face doesn't show it, "But that's hardly your responsibility, is it?"
Oh, heavens, cut it away.
"...um," Coco manages, voice very small, "I just— you looked, uh..."
You need to DIE you need to DIE you need to ABANDON THIS FRUITLESS CHASE you need to ROT you should have been LEFT IN THAT FUCKING—
"Sad." She says timidly.
Qifrey blinks.
—COFFIN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED YOU WEREN'T EVER MEANT TO LIVE—
"Sad." He repeats quietly.
—AND LOOK AT WHAT IT GOT YOU, LOOK AT WHAT IT'S DONE, DO YOU HATE YOURSELF YET? DO YOU FEEL IT YET—
He smiles.
—HOW ROTTEN YOU ARE, HOW UNDESERVING, IMPOSTER-FAILURE-WALKING-CORPSE AND OH YOU MUST BE SO CAREFUL—
"I worry that Olruggio hasn't been eating well enough," Qifrey lies smoothly, and she knows it's a lie.
—UNWORTHY UNSIGHTLY HOW AWFUL YOU MUST BE! AND YOU ARE STILL THAT BITTER EMPTY CHILD LEECHING LIFE OUT OF EVERYONE AROUND YOU—
"He's been working so very hard on commissions, and I didn't get the chance to greet him when he returned home yesterday." Qifrey rubs a thumb over his knuckles.
—AND DO YOU FEEL IT? DO YOU FEEL HOW FUCKING ROTTEN YOU ARE? ARE YOU SICK ENOUGH? ARE YOU AWFUL ENOUGH TO SURVIVE? DID YOU LEARN HOW—
"I simply began to think of how his life has been this past week. Working and traveling and working... not allowing himself to appreciate this home he's built."
— AND IN THE END, YOU'RE THE FUCKING PARASITE, AREN'T YOU?
"That's all." Qifrey tells her with a smile.
"Oh." Coco isn't sure how she's still standing, "Okay. That— that makes sense. Um— I-I'm gonna go check on Brushbuddy."
She flees before Qifrey can say anything.
—
Agott has never been truly tempted by forbidden magic before. She's smart, she knows the slippery slope, she knows the wreck it would make of her already-shodden future, she knows it's fruitless in the end.
But damn it all to hell, her cycle makes her wish she could use it.
She grits her teeth, hunched over her desk as she digs her pen into the paper. Stupid, useless organ. She's not having any children, couldn't she just calmly tell it that and have it shut off? But no, she must endure this wretched agony every single damn month, and tomorrow, it will surely leave her bedridden, and tomorrow is the field trip, and she would very much like to be able to study in peace—
The door to her bedroom slams open. Their bedroom. Coco lives here now. Coco, who does not slam doors. Agott lifts her head with a frown, and falters at the sight. Coco is pale as she silently closes the door behind her and crosses to her bed, sitting down with a soft thump.
Coco doesn't say anything. Agott looks at her, first sideways, then with irritation, and finally, a reluctant concern. None of it gets anything.
...
Ugh.
"What happened?" Agott asks a little too sharply, but Coco barely even flinches at the barbs in her voice. She just folds her hands in her lap, pressing her thumbs together, then apart, then together again.
"Um. Agott?" Her voice is small and colorless, "Is there a type of magic that can transmit thoughts?"
Agott's pen pauses over the paper, and she finally turns her full body to look at Coco, who does not return her gaze.
"...if such a thing existed, it would be forbidden magic." She replies after a moment, voice even.
Coco just nods in a distracted sort of way. Brushbuddy clambers up onto the bed next to her, attempting to push her hands off of her lap with its tiny paws. She doesn't even seem to notice, and it quickly gives up, just plopping across her wrists with a disgruntled 'pwee'.
"But does it?"
Agott frowns properly now, setting her pen down.
"Why are you asking me this?"
"You're smart," Coco answers tonelessly, "And, um... you were Master Qifrey's first apprentice, right?"
"...yes," Agott answers cautiously, "What does that have to do with anything?"
She really hates being worried about people. Especially annoying bright ones that barge into her life and private spaces.
Coco shrugs aimlessly, continuing to twiddle her thumbs.
"I just..." her gaze doesn't lift from the floor, "You probably know the most about him out of anyone here."
"Master Olruggio knows a lot more than I do." Agott replies without hesitation.
"Yeah, but..." Coco gestures vaguely. The brushbug begins to bat at her hands with tiny paws, clearly unhappy with the lack of pets. She doesn't move, "I feel like you're always honest with me."
Agott stares at her incredulously.
"Me?"
"Yeah."
"...are you insane?"
"I don't know." Coco says honestly, surprising them both. That answer seems to startle some color back into her, and she finally lifts her gaze, meeting Agott's. "Um... I've been, uh..." She starts to absentmindedly stroke the brushbug's fur, "Hearing voices. All day."
"That's—"
"Your voices," Coco continues, playing with the silky fur of its back, "Everyone's."
Agott feels, for just a moment, like a cornered animal.
"You've been hearing our thoughts?"
"I think so, yeah." Coco's gaze flicks to her tense shoulders, "I don't know how, though."
Agott grits her teeth, pushing her chair back to face Coco. "When did this start?"
"When I woke up this morning, I think."
"Everyone?"
"Yeah. You, Tetia, Richeh... Master Qifrey."
"It sounds real?"
"Mhm."
Agott covers her mouth with a hand, eyes narrowing as her mind races for an explanation.
"I just..." Coco's voice interrupts her introspection, "He's, um... he's always so nice."
That was not where Agott was expecting this to go.
"...What?"
"He's so nice," Coco repeats, playing with the brushbug's tiny paws, "He never gets cross with any of us... he's always smiling, he cooks all our meals, he's always said he's there if we ever need to talk..."
"That's all part of being a professor." Agott says factually, but leans forward in her chair regardless, brows furrowed in contemplation.
"I guess so." Coco murmurs, her hands pausing. "But we don't know anything about him, do we?"
"...I don't think anyone does." Agott says honestly, gaze flicking to the floor, "Except maybe Master Olruggio."
Coco hesitates for so long that Agott looks up, frowning at her.
"What?" Her gaze sharpens before Coco can reply, "What did you hear from him?"
"Nothing bad about... about us..." Coco won't look up, "Um... he's not..."
She can't get the words out. Parasite. Why?
"He's just not very nice to himself, that's all."
"...that's all?"
"Yeah." Coco murmurs, staring at the floor with a look so distant it sends a chill down Agott's spine. Before she can say anything, Coco abruptly jumps up from the bed, startling the brushbug with a loud 'pwee!' "Hey, um, I think I'm gonna go ask Master Olruggio if he'll eat dinner with us, okay? See you later, Agott! Thanks for answering my questions!"
"Wh—" Agott watches her flurry out of the room, leaving the brushbug dazed on the bed. She makes eye contact with it— what was that?
It rolls over with a huff. I don't know.
Her gaze returns to the door, left half-open, and she frowns.
Weird...