Chapter Text
I did it again
After 48 days I did it again
The feeling of the blades of scissors on my skin, I missed it in some way, it feels relieving.
But the thing is, I feel like a failure, like someone who can't do anything right like someone who can't keep their emotions in control, I don't even know how I ended up on the bathroom floor I just, ended up there.
The sting of the cuts on my skin become more and more painful the more I move,and nothing feels right anymore
Everything is changing but it's going so fast I can even adjust to it
It's at a length that I'm not ready to reach yet, a length that I can't feel but can't touch.
Everything is different. Different.
That's what's the problem difference.
I can't even think straight.
My knees have caved in on themselve
I can't do it anymore
I JUST CAN'T
it's not the same, not without him.
Without Hyunjin.
I know I see him in a couple hours but I haven't been able to sleep, I've tried so hard but my eyes can't even close without seeing him. He's one of the only stable things I have in life. And that's the hardest thing. I couldn't see him for 18 months. I wrote letters but it's not the same.
Seeing him in 7 hours...
I don't know if I can take it or not
I just need to see him
But I don't know if that's truly what I want, I mean I know it is but will it be the same? Maybe if I saw him again. Maybe if I best could hold him for the time he's been away. Has he moved on? Does he still like me? Will he remember me?
I can't even think about anything besides him
I've tried. I've really tried. But he's just... So beautiful I can't even think straight, he so beautiful I've missed his face so much. So much that i've been counting the days till I see him.
But in only a few hours I will finally see him again, just like I've always imagined.
The light on his face, his hair, the soft touch of his hands, his lips on mine.
Oh how I hate that man... But oh cara mia how I love him, how I love his personality,his hobbies, his eyes, the way he stares at me in the moonlight. I've missed him. And now I get to see him again.