Archive of Our Own

One thing that Liyu will always be so sure about is that Woojin is dumb. Like, he’s probably the dumbest person Liyu has ever met. He’s sure the milk that Woojin kept drinking made him not only really tall, but also made his brain leave his head. Liyu thinks how can Woojin even live to this day, moreover got accepted into college. 

Yeah, Liyu is sure that Woojin is dumb. But, Liyu has never left his side even once since they met as two children. 

Because, for some unknown reason, Liyu loves Woojin.

Yes. Even for how stupid he is.

Right now, as Liyu is playing basketball with his friends, Woojin is sitting on the bleachers looking at something on his phone, its brightness bouncing off his thick glasses.. It won’t be as weird if he isn’t looking at his phone as if it personally cursed his bloodline. 

Liyu shoots a goal and then gestures to his friends that he’s going to take a break. As he walks toward Woojin, he steps on something. It’s a white teddy bear charm. Liyu picks it up and shrugs as he puts it inside his pocket. He’ll find the owner later.

Liyu approaches Woojin, and god, he is now pouting at his phone. Liyu just wants to kiss it goodbye. 

Wait, what?

Liyu stops in front of Woojin, and immediately, Woojin attacks him with his sad puppy eyes behind those glasses. 

“Hyung… she ghosted me again.”

“Who?”

“What? Don’t you remember the girl I’m talking to? You never paid attention to me…” 

I do. I just don’t care about the girl.

Liyu pulls on Woojin’s ear. “You brat! Who got you her phone number, huh?”

“Hyung, that hurts!”

Liyu instantly lets go and then Woojin puffs his cheeks like a squirrel. He is so infuriatingly adorable.

“Just be glad that I love you, Woojin-ah.”

“Well, I just wish she does too.”

This fucking kid.

Liyu sits next to Woojin and forcefully takes his phone. The phone is displaying the pathetically deserted chatroom between Woojin and this girl named Yu Sera. Liyu tries to hold his laugh but fails when he reads what Woojin sent.

[Did you sleep well last night?]

It isn’t a particularly funny message, but the fact that this is the first message that Woojin sent is what makes it so funny. 

“Hyung, stop laughing at me…”

Liyu apparently cannot help but laugh for an entire minute before catching his breath again.

“Why would you send this to her?”

“I was just being nice?” Woojin says with a pure and innocent face. 

Liyu would think that he is joking, but he has known Woojin his whole life and he knows that he is being serious. What would this poor kid do without him?

“You really have to learn how to flirt with someone.”

“From who?”

“Me, duh? Are you seriously asking me that?”

“You never even have a girlfriend, hyung.”

Liyu audibly gasps. What makes it so irritating is that Woojin looks at him as if there is nothing wrong with what he just said. If only Liyu weren't so pathetically whipped with him, Woojin would already be found drowning on the campus lake. 

“Wow, Woojin-ah, guess you don’t need my help anymore.”

Liyu turns around and walks away. He isn’t really angry, he doesn’t think he biologically could get angry at Woojin, but he really doesn’t want to help Woojin get with a girl. Suddenly, someone’s long arms hugged him from behind, restraining him from going anywhere.

“Help me out here, please…?”

Liyu doesn’t think he needs to mention it, but Woojin is obviously dangerous for his heart. His whole existence is like kryptonite to Liyu. Even if he only smiles, waves at him, or even does nothing, Liyu’s heart will do a somersault. Now, Woojin is currently hugging him while whining directly to his ears. Liyu is sure Woojin knows the absolute control he has over Liyu, or he’s just being his cute self. Either way, Liyu is about to explode.

“Okay, okay.” Can Liyu even reject him? “Now, get off of me!”

Woojin’s warmth sticks to Liyu even after he lets go. If Liyu could, he would tell Woojin to never let go of him, but he obviously couldn’t. He has to stop, before he craves for more. Before he craves for something he could never have.

Liyu turns around and is greeted with a smiling Woojin. That damned smile that even the sun is ashamed of its brightness. Why does Liyu’s biggest weakness have to fall into the worst person possible? Liyu has to compose himself before he gives himself away. Thankfully, Woojin is as dense as a truck filled with cement.

“Well then, let’s start with how you look.”

“Wait, what’s wrong with how I look?”

“You have a face that only I could love.”

Before Woojin can complain, Liyu drags him somewhere, and Woojin obediently follows.

“Why are we in our room, hyung?”

They arrive at their, who could’ve guessed, shared dorm room. Unfortunately? Fortunately? Liyu and Woojin have been rooming together for almost a year now. It was Liyu’s room at first, but then Woojin decided to go to the same college as Liyu and suddenly they also ended up rooming together. Liyu can’t complain though, because luckily Woojin is a good roommate.

It’s one of the countless green flags that Woojin has. Liyu doesn’t remember exactly, but there were a lot of things that changed since they roomed together. It’s mostly about how Woojin is taking care of him. Liyu used to have a fucked up sleep schedule, but since Woojin moved in, there are no such things as staying up late anymore, because Woojin would force him to sleep by hugging him until he is asleep. Liyu also isn’t the type to eat breakfast, so every morning, Woojin would bring him breakfast, and if he doesn’t want to eat, Woojin would even spoon-feed him. If someone were to know this, they would definitely wonder who is the older of the two.

Liyu is thankful to have Woojin as his roommate. However, there is one big problem though. Woojin doesn’t know the concept of personal space. He thinks that Liyu is just an extension of himself. To illustrate, sometimes Woojin would sleep together with Liyu on his bed, other times, Woojin would always cling to Liyu wherever they are, even in public. Remembering all of this, Liyu doesn’t know how he manages to survive living with and having a crush on Woojin at the same time.

Well, at least he gets to see Woojin’s adorable face for twenty-four seven.

Not answering Woojin’s question, Liyu heads to their, who would’ve guessed (again), shared wardrobe. Liyu searches between their mixed clothes for an outfit that will look good on Woojin. It’s not exactly a hard task anyway because Woojin looks good in everything. But he really needs to buy other types of clothes.

“Why the hell are there so many flannel shirts here?” Liyu skims through them and throws them out.

“Hyung, these are my precious shirts!”

“Well, they’re ugly.”

Liyu ends up picking a sleeveless gray top, wide leg jeans, and a jeans jacket. Liyu couldn’t lie that he’s kind of excited to see Woojin wearing his clothes. 

“Here.” Liyu throws it and Woojin clumsily catches it. “Change.”

“Isn't this your clothes, hyung?” 

“Well, yours look like you time traveled from the 90s.”

Even before Woojin can open his mouth, Liyu pushes him to the bathroom. He stands against the door, and he can even hear the rustles of clothes from behind him. Liyu moves to the couch and about minutes later, Woojin finally comes out of the bathroom.

Seeing Woojin actually wearing his clothes makes Liyu feel like he's about to combust. 

God how is he so cute. 

Though Woojin may think otherwise because he looks quite embarrassed. He is adjusting the gray top that seems to be too tight on him. Well, he needs to blame himself for being a giant. 

“I don’t think I can wear this, hyung. It’s also kind of tight on me,” Woojin said with a sheepish smile.

Liyu drags Woojin to the sofa and tells him to sit. He studies Woojin as if he were one of the pictures he usually takes for his photography assignment. Woojin doesn’t meet his eyes, instead his ears are red. Liyu doesn’t think this kid is capable of feeling embarrassed, but guess Woojin proves him wrong.

“No, no, Woojin-ah, you look really great.”

“Really?”

Woojin finally meets Liyu’s eyes, and oh, can eyes really shine like that? Because Woojin is looking at him as if he were the one who hung the stars in the sky. And then, he also smiles. That’s a double wombo combo of Liyu’s weaknesses. 

“But, hyung, I don’t really like this jacket.” Woojin then points to another jacket lying on Liyu’s desk. “Can I wear that instead?”

Liyu picks up the jacket. Wait, this jacket?

“This one?” Woojin nods like an overly excited puppy. “Well, I guess you can.”

Woojin immediately removes the jacket he is wearing, revealing his bare arms which makes Liyu turn away for a bit. Why the hell am I acting like a virgin? 

“How is it hyung?” 

Liyu finally looks at the smiling Woojin who is now wearing the other jacket. “It looks good on you.”

Liyu really, really tries to sound indifferent, but internally he is screaming. The reason is that that jacket is a pair that he bought in a buy one get one for free sale, meaning that there is another one that looks exactly like that buried in his closet. In other words, Liyu could wear a matching jacket. Liyu realizes how pathetic that just sounded.

Who’s the loser now, huh? You, yeah, that’s you, Chuei Liyu.

Liyu coughs to himself, as Woojin looks at him confused, before continuing his makeover. “Next, we’re going to have to get rid of this.”

Liyu picks up Woojin’s glasses from his face, surprising him. “Hyung, you know that I can’t see without those right?”

“Well, you look like a nerd every time you wear it.”

“I thought you said I look cute in it?”

Aish, can’t believe this kid got me again.

“I do, but she might not. Do you still have the contacts I bought for you?”

Woojin points at his cluttered desk; Liyu really needs to tell him to clean it up. “It’s inside the drawer.”

After searching inside the mess of a drawer, Liyu finally finds it, and he is shocked. The contacts case is untouched and seems like it’s never used at all. 

“When was the last time you used this?”

“...Never?” 

“Are you serious?” Woojin nods innocently and Liyu sighs loudly.

“Use this then, because I’m not giving you these glasses back.”

Liyu throws it at Woojin and he thankfully is still able to catch it with his vision. Though after that, he looks at the case as if it were something cursed.

“But hyung, I don’t know how to use this,” Woojin hesitates before continuing, “and I’m scared to use it.”

Seeing that sulky face when Woojin told him that he doesn’t want to wear it, Liyu has no choice but to surrender. He doesn’t like forcing Woojin to do anything he doesn’t want to, but this was an essential part of the plan. Liyu offers back Woojin’s glasses as the other looks up to him.

“Okay, I’ll help you wear it later.”

In an instant, Woojin leaps to hug Liyu, and if Liyu isn’t prepared, the two could’ve fallen down to the floor. Remember about Woojin not knowing the concept of personal space? This is one of them. One that Liyu loathes because he could never be prepared for it, even if Woojin does it every day. Just feeling the warmth of this gentle and dumb giant on him makes Liyu feel wrong. Wrong because Liyu thinks he shouldn’t be the recipient of it.

“Hyung, I love you.”

No, you don’t.

“Ugh, get off of me. You know that you’re really heavy, right?”

Woojin reluctantly lets go and when Liyu sees his face, he realizes what he just did. He made this kid sad again for the sake of his own comfort. Really, Liyu, can’t you stop doing that?

“But you used to really love my hug, hyung…”

“Well that was years ago, and we were still the same height back then.” And that is also when I haven’t realized this unbearable feeling I have for you.

It seems that Liyu just ends up making Woojin feel worse, because the kid is now full-blown pouting. Liyu might find this adorable on some other times, but this time, Woojin looks like he’s actually upset. Why is it that to protect his own heart, Liyu has to end up hurting Woojin every time?

Liyu can’t help it anymore and ends up hugging Woojin on his own. Burying his face on Woojin’s neck, Liyu could even smell the sweet scent of vanilla from Woojin’s body wash. Just this, just this once Liyu can let himself succumb to his desire. The hug lasts for about a minute until Liyu involuntarily lets go, Woojin’s warmth feels like it’s telling him not to go.

When Liyu looks up to see Woojin’s reaction, he hopes for Woojin to at least not to feel weirded out by the hug, or worse, disgusted by it. But Woojin is smiling like usual, he even looks satisfied, like that time where he beat Liyu in a game of Mario Kart. 

“I’m a good hugger right, hyung?” Woojin speaks in a low voice, as if he wants it so that only Liyu could hear.

Liyu’s face heats up, which is a rare occurrence, because it’s usually Woojin who does.

“Don’t get used to it.”

Liyu quickly runs to his bed, lies down, and unlocks his phone. It’s a pathetic attempt, but it’s his way of hiding if he’s feeling flustered or overwhelmed by Woojin’s existence. Liyu thought it would work, but he forgets that he’s rooming with his crush, so basically, there’s no escaping from the root cause of the problem. As Liyu doomscrolls on every social media app that he has on his phone, he could feel his bed dipping from another source of weight. Liyu looks up from his phone and Woojin is sitting on his bed while holding his laptop. 

“Hyung.” Even without Woojin saying it, Liyu knows what he’s trying to do.

“No, Woojin-ah, I’m not going to binge watch Harry Potter again with you, not today, not tomorrow.”

“But, Liyu-hyung…”

Oh, great, he’s using it again. That damn sad and wet puppy eyes.

Liyu wishes he is strong against Woojin, but there are only two known instances where Liyu successfully defended himself against Woojin’s spells. First was when Woojin spilled coffee on his favorite shirt, and second was when Woojin accidentally lost Liyu’s pair of earphones. Both of them involve Woojin apologizing, Liyu getting angry, but not even a day later, Liyu acts like nothing happened. It’s like a factory reset because Liyu is not supposed to be angry at Woojin.

This time is also the same, even if Liyu feels tired from Woojin’s unlimited energy. Like, where does it even come from?

“Okay,” Woojin’s eyes light up like fireworks, “but, only one movie.”

Woojin instantly climbs up to Liyu’s bed, as if he were a small kid, and not a 188 cm adult man. Liyu’s bed is already so small, and now that the two of them are huddled together, there is basically no space left for Liyu to breathe. But, Liyu doesn’t even try to complain, because seeing Woojin smiling erases it all away.

Woojin props up the laptop on his leg while they both lie against the stiff wooden headboard. The opening to the first Harry Potter movie plays, which Liyu thinks it’s Woojin’s favorite, and suddenly Liyu could feel a strange weight on his shoulder. They are both already sitting so close, but now Woojin has to put his head on Liyu’s shoulder? Liyu could only sigh while hoping that Woojin won’t be able to hear the loud beating of his heart.

Somewhere halfway through the movie, Liyu could feel his eyes closing by themselves. Woojin must have noticed it because he suddenly pauses the movie.

“Hyung, do you want to sleep?”

“What time is it?”

“It’s eight thirty.”

Time flies by so fast that even Liyu doesn’t notice it. Liyu yawns as Woojin closes his laptop.

“You’re not going to finish it?” Liyu groggily asks Woojin.

Woojin shakes his head. “I’ll continue it later. Do you want to wash up first, hyung?”

“You go ahead, Woojin-ah.”

As Woojin washes up, Liyu tries his best to stay awake. He doomscrolls, checks if he’s missing any assignment, and even tidies up his and Woojin’s bed. When Woojin comes out of the bathroom, the smell of his body wash fills the room. Liyu washes up next with a cold shower, thinking that it might somehow help him calm his flustered self. As Liyu finishes and walks out of the bathroom, he notices something weird.

The thing is, Woojin’s bed is on the left side, while Liyu’s is on the right. But right now, Woojin is lying on the bed on the right, which translates to him lying on Liyu’s bed. It was fine before because they were only watching movies together, but now, aren’t they supposed to sleep for the night?

“Woojin-ah, what are you doing?”

Woojin looks up from his phone. “Is there something wrong, hyung?”

Liyu walks over to his bed and Woojin is still lying there as if there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing right now.

“This is my bed.” Woojin nods. “And what are you still doing here exactly?”

“Can we sleep together tonight?” Woojin smiles like what he just said doesn’t sound like a death sentence to Liyu.

“And why would I want that?” Liyu tries to sound pissed, but really, he’s just trying to stay composed.

“I’m warm and you get cold easily.”

“I have a blanket.”

Liyu knows that if they continue this argument, it would probably last until midnight even if he already knows who the winner is going to be (it’s Woojin). So, Liyu would rather choose to give up early.

“Scoot over.”

The sweet scent of both of their body wash mixed smells quite pleasing to Liyu. It’s not the first time that this has happened, but Liyu will never get used to it. Liyu also doesn’t know why Woojin likes to sleep with him so much. His mind tends to wander, but he stops it before it enters a forbidden territory (where he thinks that there’s a small chance that maybe, just maybe, Woojin likes him back).

Every time they sleep together though, Woojin’s back would always stick with the wall. The wall is cold after all. Also, here’s the thing that Liyu really, really despises. Woojin loves doing this small but dangerous thing where he puts his arms around Liyu’s waist, and if he’s feeling extra clingy that day, he would hug Liyu so that Liyu’s head would be buried in his chest. 

Liyu fucking hates it. Because it just makes him want more so much that his heart hurts. He wants Woojin to never let go, as if he loves him and that the world only consists of them.

But, guess what? It doesn’t.

“Hyung, you’re doing that face,” Woojin says as he puts his arms around Liyu’s waist.

“What face?”

“That face when you’re troubled with something. Is there something worrying you?”

Does Liyu have the heart to say that it’s him, that Woojin is the source of all his worry? Right, he doesn’t.

“Nothing, Woojin-ah. Just go to sleep.”

As Liyu is about to close his eyes, Woojin opens his mouth again. “Hyung, can I ask you a question?”

Liyu nods and then swallows as he feels the way Woojin’s arms tighten around him.

“Are you mad that I’m going after her?”

Liyu thinks that Woojin’s embrace just turns into a prison he can’t escape.

“Why would I?” Liyu feels his throat burning, “You’re my friend.”

“Right, sorry, that was a stupid question.”

Liyu thinks that not only was that a stupid question, but it’s also really dangerous for him. If Liyu was the slightest bit careless, he would answer differently. An answer that would probably change the trajectory of their friendship. Yeah, nothing much.

“Sweet dreams, hyung.”

Liyu answers with a tired hum.

“Hyung, did you see my socks?”

Their mornings are always so chaotic, but today is far more than that. Liyu woke up first with Woojin’s limbs tangled with his. After successfully waking up Woojin, Liyu washed up first, while Woojin still sat half-asleep on the bed. When Liyu finished, he pushed Woojin into the bathroom, telling him that today is an important day.

Yes, today is an important day for Woojin, though not exactly exciting for Liyu. Today is the day where they shared a class with the girl that Woojin likes. It was unexpected since they all are from a different major, but they are all under the same department. Which somehow ends up with them taking the same boring elective class (art history).

Haha, even the universe wants them to be together.

That is also how their morning ends up like this. Woojin is currently searching for his so-called ‘lucky socks’ while Liyu is busy styling his hair. 

“I don’t know, Woojin-ah, it’s probably under your bed or something.”

“Found it!” Liyu was right. “You know me so well, hyung.”

“That’s because I’ve been telling you to tidy up your side of the room, stupid.”

Liyu shakes his head as he finishes up his hair. He then drags Woojin to his desk and sits him down on the chair.

“Stay still. I’m going to put the contacts in now.”

Woojin nods as Liyu carefully lifts his chin up. The two pairs of eyes meet. Woojin is looking at Liyu with eyes full of faith, as if he has trusted Liyu with his life. It sounded a bit dramatic, but for someone who can’t even put contacts on his own, having someone he trusts with his life do it for him is very reassuring. Even as Liyu gets closer, Woojin doesn’t blink, he only keeps looking at Liyu’s eyes.

Liyu couldn’t lie to himself that this scene feels quite intimate. But, he sweeps away that type of thought again instantly.

“Done. Is it uncomfortable?”

Woojin shakes his head while blinking, then he stares at Liyu. 

“Wow, hyung… you’re so pretty today.”

That really caught Liyu off guard that he chokes on his own spit. This kid is really going to be the death of him.

“Stop daydreaming, brat.” Liyu rolls his eyes. “Say it to her face, not mine.”

Woojin is about to open his mouth again before he gets stunned by a flash of light. Liyu was suddenly taking a picture of Woojin, though he did smile at first, his face looks conflicted now.

“I think we’re missing something.”

Liyu ponders while looking at a confused Woojin for a bit before reaching for his neck, and eventually, the necklace hanging there. In a moment, Liyu moves closer to Woojin, circling his arms around Woojin’s neck to put the necklace. 

Liyu is close, really close. Woojin could feel his warm breath on his right ear, where Liyu is trying to bind the necklace behind Woojin’s neck. Woojin starts to feel his cheeks heating up. Is it from the close proximity, the warmth of Liyu’s breath, or… is it something else. Before Woojin could completely form his thoughts, Liyu finishes first. He looks at Woojin, nods, and smiles as if Woojin is a masterpiece that he just finished painting.

“Woojin-ah, you look perfect.”

Why is my heart beating so fast? “A-ah, thanks, hyung.”

Liyu grins and pulls Woojin up. “Let me take pictures of my artwork.”

Liyu snaps multiple pictures as Woojin poses awkwardly. Sometimes, Liyu would request a pose and Woojin could only shyly but obediently obey. Woojin loses count on how many pictures have been taken, but for some reason, Liyu doesn’t look like he would stop anytime soon.

“Hyung, enough already…” Woojin whines.

Liyu laughs and goes on to pocket his phone. “Well, let’s go unless we want to be late.”

Not even a step, suddenly Woojin pulls Liyu close, wrapping his arm around Liyu’s waist as his other hand is holding his phone. “We haven’t even taken a picture together.”

Liyu is happy that they’re taking a picture together, but do they have to be this close? Each snap feels like one year is taken away from his life from how embarrassing this is. Without any warning, Woojin presses his cheek with Liyu’s. Liyu can feel the smoothness of Woojin’s baby-like skin, but he can also feel like his own skin starts to wrinkle from stress. 

Is he going to die from stress or from Woojin? Liyu thinks those two are synonymous to each other.

After what felt like a lifetime, Liyu pushes Woojin away and quickly grabs his bag. He goes out of the room first, ignoring the pleas of ‘Wait for me!’ from Woojin. Liyu thinks he really needs this morning coffee.

They walk side by side to class. Liyu is holding an iced Americano while Woojin is holding two cups of drink. Why two you might ask? In short, Woojin wanted to buy Liyu a drink for helping him, but he declined, telling Woojin to instead buy a drink for the girl. Woojin didn’t really understand why, but he did it anyway. That’s how Woojin ended up holding two drinks, a vanilla latte for himself and a strawberry smoothie for the girl, which Woojin bought randomly because he doesn’t know what she likes. 

Is Woojin even serious about this? It just seems like I’m the one going after the girl.

The class is nearly full when they arrive there. Though, Liyu sees that the girl isn’t there yet. There are exactly three empty seats left: two at the very back and one in front of it. Liyu has an idea, though he doesn’t really want to utter it, but he thinks that this is all for Woojin’s sake.

As Liyu walks to the seat, Woojin behind him, he starts to whisper to him, “Woojin-ah, you go sit next to the girl. I’ll sit in front.”

Before Liyu even makes contact with the lone seat, Woojin pulls him up one step and leads him to the last pair of seats that was supposed to be for Woojin and the girl. Woojin gently sits him down on the chair and then sits beside Liyu. Liyu can see the strawberry smoothie placed on the girl’s seat.

“Seriously, what are you doing, Woojin-ah?” Liyu whispers to Woojin.

Woojin doesn’t answer, and at the same time, the girl and the professor come in. Liyu drops his question, not going to risk a glare from the strict professor. He can see that the girl cluelessly picks up the drink, not knowing who gave it to her, yet she drinks it anyway. Well, she sure is carefree.

Liyu looks beside him, where Woojin is attentively listening to the professor. It’s one of the reasons why Liyu likes him. Liyu thinks Woojin is dumb in many aspects, but that doesn’t include his academics. Throughout their life together, Woojin is always on top, while Liyu is barely scrapping by just to survive. Just like right now, where Liyu only takes this class just to fill his missing credit, and he doesn’t even pay attention to it. Meanwhile, well, Liyu doesn’t know the exact reason why Woojin took this class, but he at least seems serious about it.

Liyu notices that the girl in front of him also seems bored because she’s currently scrolling on her phone. He doesn’t mean to peek, but her phone brightness is so high that Liyu is sure everyone can see it. Liyu sees that she’s searching for a teddy bear charm, her finger hesitating to press the purchase button, and eventually doesn’t press it.

Wait, that charm looks like…

Liyu rummages through his bag and pulls out the white teddy bear charm, the same exact model that the girl seemed to want to buy. Liyu brings it for the purpose that he might find the owner, well, Liyu thinks he found her. Though, Liyu thinks he shouldn’t be the one to give it to her.

Liyu nudges Woojin with his elbow and whispers, “Woojin-ah.”

Woojin tilts his head like a curious puppy. Cute.

“Give this back to her,” Liyu pushes the bear charm to Woojin, “and just confess already.”

Woojin is now frowning. Confused? Flustered? Liyu isn’t sure, maybe he’s nervous.

“I’ll help you write a letter if you don’t want to confess to her directly.”  Woojin stays still, he doesn’t nod, not even a blink. Liyu takes that as a yes.

Liyu hurriedly writes a letter before the class could end. He writes a confession letter for Woojin. He thinks of what Woojin would write or say to someone he likes. It’s funny really, because as Liyu continues to write, he realizes something. The words are not something that Woojin would want to say to the girl, but instead, it’s something that Liyu wants to hear from Woojin. 

Saying that she’s pretty, wanting to meet her after class, those sickly sweet ‘I like you’. Those are the words that Liyu wants to hear coming from Woojin’s mouth to him, and not to the girl. If only Liyu could scratch off her name and replace it with those sweet ‘Liyu-hyung’ that Woojin likes to say to him, but reality says otherwise. 

It’s pathetic really. Liyu is actually the dumbest person in the world to keep ignoring what his heart says. It keeps saying, What are you doing dumbass, but Liyu never listens. He’s scared. He’s scared that if he does, he realizes that all he’s doing for Woojin is never for him, but actually for himself. He just wants this ache that keeps crawling inside of him to end, and for that, Woojin has to end up with the girl and stay away from him. 

Reality isn’t like a game where a 0,0001% possibility still has a chance to happen. Reality doesn’t have an error or a glitch like that. And Liyu understands it very well.

As Liyu finishes folding the paper, the professor coincidentally ends the class. Everyone stands up except for Liyu, Woojin, and the girl. Liyu takes a deep breath before standing up himself.

“Good luck,” Liyu says as he gives the letter to Woojin.

Liyu walks ahead hurriedly, not even wanting to look back. He’s afraid that if he looks back and sees Woojin, he might either break down crying in front of everyone or stop Woojin. And Liyu doesn’t want any of that.

Instead, Liyu keeps walking.

The green hill behind the campus is Liyu’s favorite place because no one ever comes there. The place is not hidden nor haunted, it’s just inconvenient to go to. Though for Liyu, the walk is worth it enough to guarantee that he gets time alone from everyone. Just exactly like what he needs right now.

Every time Liyu goes there too, he always brings out his sketchbook or his camera. This time, Liyu is in the mood for drawing, so he brings out his beloved sketchbook. Why drawing? Because he’s afraid that if he opens his camera, there will be pictures of Woojin, and he might actually start crying. 

Liyu leans against the huge tree in the middle of the hill and starts sketching. He isn’t sure what he wants to draw, but he lets his hand move on its own. Usually, he likes drawing scenery, but there is actually something he loves drawing more than anything. He laughs bitterly to himself.

Why the fuck do I keep thinking about him? Stupid, dumb Woojin.

Liyu thinks that if it were easy, he would already erase the crush he has on Woojin, just like how he erases wrong lines that he just sketched. Not only that his heart doesn’t want to, but the constant presence of Woojin in his life is making it impossible just to forget about the pathetic crush he has on the younger. Liyu wakes up and the first thing he sees is Woojin; he sleeps and the last thing he sees is Woojin. It would be something out of the romance movie that Liyu likes to watch, but instead, it feels like a torture from a psychological thriller movie. 

“—hyung!”

God, it’s like I can still hear his voice.

“Liyu-hyung!”

Suddenly, a shadow hinders his vision and when Liyu looks up, Woojin is there. Liyu isn’t sure if it’s real or it’s some kind of illusion that reminds him of an oasis in a desert, but Liyu stands up anyway. 

“Woojin-ah?” Woojin catches his breath as if he ran here. “What are you doing here?”

Liyu doesn’t give a chance for Woojin to answer because he feels so many emotions that he isn’t thinking straight

“Why did you come here? How did you know I’m here? Why aren’t you with her—”

“Hyung,” Woojin cuts him off, his voice is soft but stern, “can I say something?”

Liyu nods, though he doesn’t know why tears are starting to well in his eyes. 

Woojin brings out something. A paper that looks similar to the faux-confession he wrote for Woojin. Woojin then starts reading:

“Liyu-hyung, I’m probably the dumbest person you’ve ever met. I’m also a coward, slow, and someone who might have hurt you a lot. Yet, I don’t know why you never leave my side. Before all of this, I never understood it, that is until I read the letter you wrote. You never even tried to hide it, but as I said, I’m so dense that I didn’t even see it until now. Maybe I did, but I’m too scared to even face it. I don’t think I ever liked her, hyung, and those words in the letter, it’s something that I should’ve said to you, right? 

You’re right. Liyu-hyung is the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You obviously don't know this, but every time I wake up first in the morning, I like to stare at your sleeping face before waking you up. It’s truly such a pretty sight to see. Your smile, your eyes, even those bunny-like teeth you’re self conscious about? I love every part of you, hyung.

We’ve been with each other for like eighteen years, I think? You’re basically been there since I was born. Is this what people call soulmate? I don’t know if you’re ever sick of me, but I’m not, never. I didn’t know why I crave your existence so much. I never truly understand why I love sleeping next to you, why I love holding you so much, why you always fill my mind. But, the times that I could feel your warmth, hear your heartbeat, and touch your skin, they all felt like something that I needed to live.”

Woojin looks up from his letter to see Liyu’s crying. He doesn’t ask why nor he panics, he just goes on to hug him.

“I’m sorry to have made you wait for so long, hyung. I just want to say that I love you. I won’t ask for you to love me back because I know that I’ve hurt you so much. But, I just want to let out these feelings that keep searching for their place. It’s not the girl, not anyone else, it’s you, Liyu-hyung.”

Woojin doesn’t move even if Liyu’s tears wet his clothes or how Liyu starts hitting his back. He just takes it like a penance. 

“Stupid… dumb… Woojin,” Liyu mumbles in between his tears. “Of course I love you back.” 

Woojin laughs, feeling relieved and happy. He isn’t sure if he deserves it after hurting Liyu so much, but for now, the selfish part of him wants it. 

Suddenly, their weights collapse with each other. Thankfully, the ground is soft enough and Woojin instinctively put his hand behind Liyu’s head. Liyu is on the ground, while Woojin is on top of him, holding himself by one arm to not fall on his hyung. They’re so close that their noses are touching and their breaths mix with each other. Woojin blinks once.

Woojin isn’t sure how to do it, but he moves anyway. Their lips finally touch. The kiss is slow, unsure, and amateurish, but it’s the sweetest thing Woojin ever had in his life. He hopes that it’s also Liyu’s first kiss with someone, though even if it’s not, he’ll make sure that it was the last kiss Liyu’s going to have with anyone that’s not him. 

Their lips finally part and Liyu is the first to open his mouth to speak, “We’re so stupid.”

Woojin laughs as he moves to lie beside Liyu. “Yeah, we are.”

The two stay quiet for about a minute before bursting out laughing at the same time. They both aren’t sure what they’re laughing at, maybe at their stupidity, or at the absurdity of all of it. But, their laughs are loud and full of relief. 

Liyu doesn’t have to wonder if they’re just friends. Woojin doesn’t have to think if what he’s about to do is easy or hard. They don’t have to wonder if the other feels the same too. They’re young and stupid, yet they’re sure. Even if it all falls into place so suddenly, as if magic is guiding them. They agree on one thing as they look into each others’ eyes.

That today is the last day they stay just friends. 

And that they’re stupidly in love with each other.