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“I need to confess something.” He said, fingers tapping on the ceramic of his mug. It was a little subconscious quirk that irritated Kaoru to some extent, but he kept that to himself. “And… I don’t know, it’s bad. Kinda…-ish?”
“Kinda-ish?” Kaoru arched an eyebrow and sipped on his tea, at least trying to seem interested as he did not, in fact, have any interest in whatever it is that Reki did. “If you’d care to explain, that would be a start.” He spoke into his own mug of tea, feeling the steam reach his eyes.
“It’s just-” He sighed, and suddenly anything was more eye-catching to him than Kaoru. The tea was almost forgotten in his hand, as he had taken a total of one sip until now, and meanwhile Kaoru was halfway through his. “You know, normally I’d go to Joe for stuff like this, but…” Ouch. “I was a little skeptical. I'm almost sure you're gonna judge me, but I also know you’d help me, right?”
Kaoru noticed the way his voice died out at the end. It makes him wonder what made this situation so bad that Kaoru was more trustable with teenage boy problems than Kojiro. It also made him question if Reki actually believes that last bit.
“I’ll always help you, Reki, we’ve been through that.” He said, honestly. “But if it’s as bad as you say it is, I am going to scold you, yes.” It took a laugh out of him. Kaoru pretended to drink some more to hide his smile.
“Okay, then…” Reki lost that dreadful slouch on his shoulders, breathing in sharply through his teeth as if mustering up the courage to speak. “I started smoking." Kaoru, unlike most of the time, was unable to hide his shock. “And I think I’m starting to get addicted,” Kaoru placed his mug down, grounding himself firmly as he realized Reki wasn’t done. “...A-Again.”
Again. Again, he said.
Maybe it was a little dramatic of him to be shocked that a seventeen year old is smoking, but this is Reki they’re talking about. Reki, who can have fairly childish behaviours at times and is scared to break curfew when it doesn’t come to S. Reki, who still watches Ben 10 and collects action figures. Reki, whose only other hobby is playing video-games all day.
Reki and smoking just do not have any kind of correlation in Kaoru’s brain.
“What are you smoking?” He asked, internally praying it was just cigs.
But, the way Reki fidgeted with his hoodie strings told him his prayers were, in fact, ignored. “Just weed.” It also told him, it didn’t stop at just weed.
“Oh my days…” He sighed, feeling a little bad for over exaggerating as Reki obviously feels guilty. “You’ve been doing drugs.”
“But I’m tryna quit!” He confessed, “That's kind of why I came to you, if I’m being honest.”
Flattering. Bad, but flattering.
“Reki, if you don’t mind me asking,” He braced himself, “When- No, how did this start?”
He bit his lip, bouncing his leg up and down. Kaoru suspected he was expecting that question, just not very confident in answering it. “I was in… Seventh grade I think, and there was this girl I really liked and wanted to impress, so I started hanging around her friends, and getting in the same stuff they did.” He pushed his hair away from his face, “But I was a little dumb back then so my parents found out very quick, and I kinda lost connections and couldn’t get my hands on it anymore, so…”
Reki stopped talking, and Kaoru noticed the ever so slight layer of pink covering his cheeks. With a heavy heart he realised Reki's embarrassed about this. He thinks he’s lame.
Kaoru moved one seat closer to Reki, not bothering with taking his tea along with him. He sat down with his legs crossed over his seat, trying to seem laid back. He doesn’t want Reki to stress about what to and what not to say.
He waited until Reki looked up at him again. And when he did, he simply nodded in affirmation.
Now, the warm colour on his cheeks started to fade, and he brought his mug closer to his face. “I didn’t exactly mean to start again, I just… Lately, stuff at home hasn’t been easy with the divorce coming and all. I figured one time wouldn’t hurt.” Kaoru winced a little. Now it’s a lot more clear. “Cigarettes stopped doing the trick, and it’s a lot easier to get stuff at S, so it kind of just happened.”
Reki took a sip of his beverage, probably to busy his mouth and hands with something. Kaoru watched him attentively. “And it’s started to grow into an addiction, you said?”
Reki nodded, holding the hot liquid inside his mouth a bit longer than necessary which, to Kaoru, seemed a bit concerning taking into account that he did not blow on it before taking a sip to cool it down.
“I thought-” He started again, resting his arms on his lap. “I thought I had it under control. I thought I could quit anytime I wanted, but… Apparently not. Obviously.” His bottom lip started trembling, and Kaoru was already moving his chair closer. “It was just so stupid of me. I should’ve known better, I-”
“Hey, hey…” Kaoru ran one of his hands up and down his back, using the other one to snatch the scalding beverage from his hands before he spilled it on himself and got burnt. “Calm down, Reki.”
“I am such an idiot.” He sobbed, furiously wiping away his tears. “How could I let myself get so carried away?”
Kaoru didn’t bother talking just yet. From all the times he’s seen Reki like this, he’s realized that all the bad things he says about himself are all stuff he kept inside for way too long. So long, it makes him want to explode.
He’s been there.
Reki hid his face on Kaoru’s shoulder and he, in return, hugged him as tight as he could, for as long as he could until his arms started giving out. Kaoru’s not one for touch, but he knows how much it means to Reki. He knows that even just walking with their arms interlocked means a big deal to him.
He’s not sure for how long they stayed like this. He only knows that each gasp and hiccup made his heart shatter a little more.
Although it’s nice, Kaoru knows they can’t sit in silence like this forever. Reki was looking for much needed advice, after all.
“Listen, Reki,” He hugged him a little tighter. Kaoru can’t help but suffer a little with him. “Stuff like this… Addictions aren’t something that go away as easily as they come. And, many times, the environment we put ourselves in plays a big role in it.” Kaoru breathes in, taking in Reki’s strawberry scented shampoo. “You know you’re always welcome in my home.”
Reki nodded against his chest, “I do.”
“And you also know,” He ran his fingers through Reki’s hair, “You don’t need to try and find a way to forget about your problems when I’ve already told you many, many times that I’m here for you. Anything you need help with, I’ll be there.”
Reki stayed silent, which told Kaoru everything he needed to know. He nuzzled a bit deeper into Kaoru, gripping at the fabric of his shirt. “I’ve been meaning to tell you about this for a while, now. I really needed you.”
Kaoru tried to stay silent, but he knew awaiting for further explanation from Reki is just dumb. “And why didn’t you?”
“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me if I relapse.” He answered rather quickly for Kaoru’s comfort.
If he didn’t spill a tear or two before, he has now.
Slowly, he unglued himself from the teen, cupping his face between both hands and using his thumbs to wipe away a few remaining tears. Reki looked a little paler than before, but much more relaxed. Kaoru felt him leaning a bit of his weight into his palms, starting to closer his eyes.
“Reki…” Although there were no more tears left to wipe, Kaoru was still caressing his face with his thumbs. “... That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Reki’s lips tugged for a moment, then he started to giggle. It took a chuckle off of Kaoru, as well. “No one is weak, or a disappointment for relapsing. That’s just part of recovery.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Like always.” Soon enough, Reki’s teary smile turned mischievous. “‘Cause you’re a nerd.”
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it off.” Kaoru rolled his eyes before standing up, letting his fingers linger on his face for as long as possible. “Let’s close off the night with a movie, then go to sleep. Sounds good?”
“Fine with me!” He said cheerfully, much to Kaoru’s relief. “I even started making a list for every classic I find out you haven’t watched, so we can pick one off of there. It’s mind blowing how superficial you are when it comes to movies, like…” And like that, Reki starts rambling on and on about how Kaoru needs to invest more in the beauties of films.
In the end, Kaoru’s glad Reki told him.
But one thing’s for sure, he’s never telling Reki that he got his hands on smoking at fourteen and still hasn’t let go.