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It’s Kashuu who started it, or at least that’s what Yasusada claims. If you ask Kashuu, it’s Yasusada’s fault. Horikawa says they’re both at fault, all of them were assigned to shoveling the snow outside, and clearly none of them are doing that right now. Kane-san doesn’t care who’s at fault, and lobs another snowball, this one catches Kashuu square on the back.
Kashuu tries to get revenge, tossing another one back. Kane-san successfully dodges it, if successfully dodging implies tripping over his feet and falling flat on his face.
Horikawa gives up on trying to regain any control over the situation, now even Nagasone has joined in after getting egged on by the other three. He sets aside his shovel, leaning it against a wooden post and watches the four of them chase each around, snowballs flying somewhat haphazardly. He laughs, something like this isn’t bad once in a while, all of them having fun together just like in the ---
Horikawa brushes the thought aside, just as easily as he brushes a few flakes of snow off his shoulder. He should head inside, they’ll be cold once they’re done messing around and a nice, hot drink will definitely be appreciated.
They’re all a little absorbed in playing, so Horikawa calls out a reminder that they really should finish shoveling before he heads inside. He hears some noncommittal yes, sure s in response, and there’s still a smile on his face as he goes to hang his coat back up.
The citadel is a little cold, due to its open structure and the fact that the Saniwa can’t quite afford to have the heater running at all hours of the day. But it’s not unbearably so, and all the swords deal with it simply by layering up. Horikawa pulls a shawl around his shoulders before heading into the kitchen, humming a little as he starts to focus on the task at hand.
Hot chocolate for Kane-san, Kashuu, and Yasusada...they’ve become fans of it ever since the first time Mitsutada made it at the start of winter. Coffee for himself and Nagasone, he reaches to pull five mugs out of the cupboard.
He really does try not to let his mind wander, to devote himself solely to what’s in front of him, but without the usual chatter that fills the kitchen, it’s a little hard. It’s not as if he’s thinking of a particularly bad time, there are plenty of good memories from the past. It’s just that it’s so cold, and it’s a silly thought isn’t it---wishing that winter weren’t so cold?
There’s a scuffling sound behind him, and when Horikawa turns around, it’s Yasusada. Nose and cheeks and ears red from the cold, and rubbing his hands together to warm them up.
“I thought I’d help you out,” Yasusada says, a slightly sheepish grin on his face that hints that it isn’t the only reason.
Horikawa smiles, “Sure, sure...it isn’t just because you didn’t want to shovel the snow, right?”
Yasusada isn’t as good as Kashuu is, at picking up on Horikawa’s subtle moods, at reading between the lines, but he understands enough from his smile right then that something isn’t quite right.
He walks up to him, until he’s standing right besides Horikawa, and rests his head against his. “That’s part of it...it’s warmer inside.”
He holds his hands out, palms facing the stove until some of the heat seeps into his body, and then decides that Horikawa should do the same too. He takes Horikawa’s hand into his own, frowning when the touch of his skin is still colder than his own, despite the fact that Yasusada’s just barely come inside. He rubs Horikawa’s hands in between his, smiling when they start to warm up a bit.
“I guess that’s not all, either.” Yasusada says, and Horikawa tilts his head slightly to look at him. His face is still flushed, but it’s no longer from the cold. He drops Horikawa’s hands, finally starting to feel self-conscious. He heads towards the cupboard instead, and takes out a bag of marshmallows. He drops them on the counter, “Don’t forget those.”
Horikawa laughs at this, “Is that why you’re skipping on chores? To remind me to add marshmallows?”
That’s definitely more like it, Horikawa’s laugh. But Yasusada doesn’t feel entirely satisfied, wherever dark, cold place Horikawa’s thoughts have just gone, he wants to pull him away from it completely right now. He’s not good at this mushy stuff, if he’s honest, he actually finds it a little gross.
But somehow, if it’s Horikawa, he finds that he doesn’t mind.
“Nah,” He wraps his arms around Horikawa’s shoulders, and rests his chin against him. It’s actually not all that painful to get the words out, probably because he really does mean what he says, “You’re here, so I guess I just wanted to be with you? Is that fine?”
Horikawa doesn’t respond immediately, and Yasusada wonders if he’ll get scolded after all. But when he peeks up at Horikawa just a bit, he sees a smile, and a warm flush across his face. Yasusada all but grins, and Horikawa reaches a hand to rest it atop of the other’s.
“Mm, yeah. It’s fine,” His voice is warm, and he feels warm inside of Yasusada’s arms. And Yasusada, there’s a ticklish, warm feeling in his own heart, something that he can’t exactly find a word to describe.
---
Despite all of Horikawa’s warnings, bundle up, don’t stay outside too long, you’ll catch a cold , it’s Horikawa himself who ends up bedridden with a scorching fever.
He’s been coughing a bit, but saying it’s nothing to worry about, the same as he always does, and insisting that he’ll be fine for the day’s sortie. It isn’t until the Saniwa forces him to stay in bed that he does, realizing it’s a much larger inconvenience if he stays on his feet.
It unsettles Yasusada in a way that he knows is beyond rational, and the Saniwa decides that he also isn’t fit to go out for battle today. They assign him to watching over Horikawa, making sure he takes his medicine, changing the wet cloth across his forehead, and so on.
Horikawa’s asleep right now, fitful sleep, but sleep nonetheless. Yasusada sits at his side, there’s a book in his lap but he hasn’t really been reading it. The sight of Horikawa like this, breath rasping slightly, each inhale threatening to turn into a cough, lips dry and cracked, shadows under his eyes. It’s scary. And a little too reminiscent of someone else.
Despite the Saniwa’s repeated assurance that Horikawa will be fine, that his fever will blow over soon enough, that it’s only damage to his blade that can really harm him...it’s still hard to calm down. He feels helpless, and now he’s sinking into the same kind of dark, cold thoughts that he tries to keep Horikawa from.
Horikawa stirs, and Yasusada tosses the book aside, already at attention.
His eyes open slowly, and he takes in the sight of the sun already beginning to set outside. He frowns, “Did they...already leave?”
“Huh?” Yasusada takes a second, reeling himself back in, “Yeah, yeah...they did.”
Horikawa sits up, and there’s a slight look of worry in his eyes. Yasusada doesn’t have to think twice to guess what he’s concerned about. It’s not that he’s jealous, he’s not. As the swords that belonged to Hijikata, their relationship is just as inseparable as Yasusada’s is to Kashuu.
It’s just that...Yasusada wishes Horikawa would spare some of that concern for himself. He’s always worrying himself sick over everyone else, pushing himself harder than anyone really should.
“He’ll be fine, it’s not like he’ll die without you.” It’s a bad choice of words, and Yasusada regrets them as soon as they’re out of his mouth.
It’s not as if Horikawa looks particularly bright at the moment, but something seems to flicker, and then fade out entirely inside him. He looks down at his lap instead, hands shaking.
It’s the opposite really, it’s the reason that Horikawa pushes himself so hard.
“Sorry, I mean...I mean, he’ll be fine. Like, he’s...he’s strong.”
Horikawa nods his head slowly, and finally meets Yasusada’s eyes.
“What about you…” Horikawa asks, and it feels as if he’s chosen to entirely ignore what Yasusada’s said, “Are you alright?”
Yasusada doesn’t know how to respond, and Horikawa reaches out a hand, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. His fingers tremble, and Yasusada truly doesn’t understand, how can he even afford to worry about him when he’s this sick.
The tips of Horikawa’s fingers are hot, and there’s a feeling like a trapped sob inside of Yasusada’s chest.
“I’m...I’m scared,” he admits it plainly, “You’re sick, and you’re still pushing yourself this hard.”
“I’ll be fine,” Horikawa says, and there’s that smile again that seems to hint that he’s not fine at all. But his smile fades instantly, and now there’s that same open honesty in his own voice, “I have to...I...need a reason for being here.”
Horikawa’s fingers are still brushing through his hair, and Yasusada takes his hand, placing it between both of his own. “You don’t have to have a reason…”
“I mean,” He shakes his head, he hasn’t phrased it quite right, “even if you don’t work yourself this hard...like, there’s already a place for you here, right? Everyone-- all of us, your brothers, everyone, really likes you.”
He grips Horikawa’s hand a little more firmly, and his tone is a little more insistent, “And me too, I’m here for you too, always. So you...you don’t have to worry so much. Just...just get better, alright?”
It’s as if Yasusada realizes the weight of his own words only after they’re already out of his mouth. He’s said something really big, hasn’t he? He’s a little embarrassed, but it is true. He doesn’t know if Horikawa’s understood it, that Yasusada just said he likes him and honestly, he’s a little scared to find out. He stands up quickly, “Anyway...Uh, you should eat something and then take medicine. I’ll go...I’ll go get more porridge.”
Horikawa reaches out, grabbing Yasusada’s hand in his own. He gives it a squeeze, “Thank you.”
When Horikawa falls asleep again, there’s no wrinkle in between his brows, he doesn’t seem to be trying to escape nightmares. It’s not fitful like earlier, his sleep is peaceful.
So it can’t be helped, not really, that by the time the other swords are back from sortie, when Kashuu walks in to check on them, that Yasusada’s also been lulled to sleep at Horikawa’s side.
---
Snow still blankets the ground outside, though patches of green have already begun to show, grass peeking out beneath it’s white cover. The trees that line the courtyard have baby leaves, fresh and bright against the gray and white of the sky.
Horikawa sets his finished cup of tea down, and pulls a blanket tighter around his shoulders. He looks up as he hears a set of footsteps, it’s Yasusada.
Yasusada doesn’t ask first, already sitting down next to Horikawa, “Let me in, too.”
Horikawa laughs, and wraps the blanket around Yasusada, who scoots in closer. He finds Horikawa’s hand, and holds it within his own. It’s warm, and Horikawa’s hand feels soft when he squeezes Yasusada’s back.
“Skipping on chores?” Horikawa asks, the question accompanied by another small laugh.
Yasusada shakes his head, “I’ve got nothing today...expedition later though.”
“Ah, me too,” Horikawa leans back a little, resting his head against Yasusada’s shoulder. He hears Yasusada’s breath catch for a second, but doesn’t react to it. “I’m free today.”
“Yeah, that’s why I figured I’d go find you…heard you were in the kitchen though?”
Horikawa laughs again, “I was...but, they told me to take a break.”
“And you listened?” Horikawa gives him a playful smack at this, and in an attempt to dodge it, Yasusada ends up bringing both of them down. Horikawa nearly giggles at this, and manages to pinch Yasusada’s cheek. Yasusada bats his hand away, and continues, “You don’t even have kitchen duty today!”
“Akita really looked like he wanted to go play with the rest of his brothers...so I figured I’d help him out a little.”
“I guess it couldn’t be helped then,” Yasusada says, swinging an arm around Horikawa. He pulls Horikawa closer against him, he feels nice and warm inside his arms like this.
“Mhmm,” Horikawa replies, and his lips are bent into a smile. It’s a nice smile, Yasusada thinks, the kind of smile that looks best on Horikawa. He’s been seeing it more and more recently too, and if Yasusada was one for sappy thoughts, which if you ask him he really isn’t, he’d say there’s no nicer smile in the world.
He must have been staring, and must have spaced out, because suddenly, Horikawa’s face is a lot closer to his. Their noses bump for a second, their breath warm against each other’s cheeks even as it mixes with the colder outside air, and Yasusada isn’t really sure what’s happening until Horikawa’s lips not only meet his own, but also pull away.
He blinks, and the only syllable his mouth forms is a quiet, “oh.”
Horikawa is still all smiles, and this one, Yasusada realizes has a teasing edge to it, “I shouldn’t have? I was pretty certain you felt that way, too.”
“No, you should. I do, I mean,” Yasusada stumbles over his words, unable to get them out fast enough, “You should do that again though.”
Horikawa laughs at this, but his cheeks are red and it’s definitely not from the cold. His hand that rests against Yasusada’s shoulder seems to shake just a bit, and Yasusada knows he’s not the only one feeling this strange combination of nervous and giddy. “Should I?”
“You really should.” He doesn’t give Horikawa a chance though, pressing his lips against his, feeling his smile with his own. This time, he feels just how soft and warm Horikawa’s lips are, and despite the cold, there’s an equally warm, fluttery feeling that fills him up all the way to his toes.
“I like you,” Yasusada says, when they finally break apart. He doesn’t know how Horikawa’s smile seems to grow even brighter, but it does.
“Me too,” Horikawa says, his voice a giddy whisper, “I love you.”
He laughs at the way Yasusada’s face heats up at this, and curls his fingers together with his. They stay like that, the blue of Horikawa’s eyes meeting the blue of Yasusada’s, sea against the sky. Quiet laughter, and silly grins, away from the rest of the world.
The mood breaks abruptly, a snowball smashing against the back of Yasusada’s head. He yelps, and sits up, immediately spotting Kashuu and Kane-san.
Kane-san points at Kashuu, immediately pinning the blame on him, while Kashuu claims otherwise. Yasusada doesn’t care who it was, he’s already reaching down for a fistful of snow. Another snowball hits him during the time it takes him to gather ammunition, and when he finally throws his own, it flies a little too far and catches Nagasone. And Horikawa, he decides that something like this really is fine every once in a while, and he stands up to join the rest of them.