Chapter Text
Her words lingered
“ you need to be smaller. fatty. Too big. Show less skin. You’re too wide”
As the string came down being clipped on my corset being tightened I woke up gasping for air as i cried. I couldn't sleep. My mother had a massive influence on me. I was about a week into being at this- fancy circus and everyone was really nice. I looked at the clock and it was 3 in the morning. Everyone was probably asleep by now but I needed to calm my nerves. I went to the bar getting myself a glass of water to calm my nerves as the lights flicked on startling me as i spilt the glass making me slip on the floor.
“ F*CK!” i yelped out as i caught my breath lucky the glass didn't shatter. “ please- don't even start with me today zoo- oh hey queenie.” I said my voice went a bit lower, as I cleaned up the water and tossed the towel in the dirty basket hap-hazardly. She looked like she was going to speak as i braced for verbal abuse.“ Hey, ragatha, I can tell something is bothering you.” she raised her hand to my cheek as i flinched back in fear but instead she tucked a red curl behind my elf like ears. “ I wasn't gonna hurt you honey.” she said as i took her hand down from my face and held it. “ Do you wanna talk about it?” Queenie asked gently. My mother never spoke to me like this. Was this what a real mom was like?
She let me sit on the big red couch that was never moved with the pool table in the corner to the left of the bar with a run down jukebox no one used as she started heating up water. As she poured the two mugs of water she pulled out some tea from the cupboard and made some for me. “ do you wanna tell me about everything?” queenie asked as she set the mug on a blue coaster doily thing that was on the low brown coffee table that probably had more than coffee on it. “My- mom, she- was alot. She berated me and shamed me for being too fat so i never ate much. Ran a lot and passed out in the middle of class sometimes. Everyone hates me because im fat. My boobs aren't perky and my thighs are too big to fit into anything.” I said as I looked down at my feet. “ you don’t have to be ashamed of how your body is. Is this why you hide every show?” she asked as I nodded with tears running down my face.
I heard a door creak open and a floating glass as wine was poured. “ Hey shade, could you go grab a blanket or something for her?” Queenie said. Did she lose her marbles? “ Oh! You need to meet shade.. she's the tech part of our shows. She's also a shadow cloud that doesn't talk much but is harmless if you don't piss her off” queenie said leaving the room. “ So… shade… What does tech involve?” I asked not expecting an answer but a voice that sounded a lot like Midna from a Zelda game my Grandpa showed me when I was younger. “ l̶i̸g̷h̵t̵i̸n̴g̸,̸ ̴f̸l̷y̸ ̶r̶a̵i̴l̵,̵ ̸s̴o̶u̵n̵d̶,̵ ̵p̵r̷o̶p̵s̵…̷ ̴I̷ ̸d̵o̶ ̸a̵l̴o̷t̷…̸ ̵b̴u̷t̵ ̸i̶t̷'̶s̶ ̴n̷i̶c̶e̵ ̶t̸o̴ ̷n̸o̶t̵ ̷b̷e̶ ̸n̵o̷t̸i̷c̴e̴d̶ ̵f̸o̷r̷ ̴a̴ ̵w̸h̷i̷l̷e̴.̵ ̷b̶u̵t̵ ̶i̴t̶ ̵c̴a̴n̶ ̸g̸e̸t̸ ̸b̸o̴r̵i̴n̶g̷ ̴a̵f̵t̵e̵r̶ ̸a̵ ̶b̵i̴t̴ ̵s̶o̶ ̵I̷ ̶l̸i̷k̷e̶ ̵t̸o̶ ̷b̶e̸ ̸a̷ ̸c̵a̵t̸ ̵a̷n̴d̴ ̸h̶a̵n̴g̸ ̵o̴u̷t̸ ̶i̴n̵ ̸t̶h̷e̶ ̴a̸u̷d̷i̸e̸n̴c̴e̴.̵ ̴M̵y̶ ̷s̸p̶i̷r̵i̷t̶s̷ ̸d̴o̴ ̷t̴h̶e̴ ̶w̵o̵r̴k̶ ̴a̶n̸d̶ ̶t̵h̸e̶y̸ ̷d̷o̵n̶'̶t̶ ̶m̵i̸n̴d̵ ̷w̸h̵e̵n̸ ̵I̶ ̴t̶a̸k̶e̵ ̴a̴ ̸b̵r̷e̶a̵k̵.̶ ̵ ̷” Shade giggled a lil bit as she showed me her form. It was a black cat with a gold tooth that was snagged and a gold earring on the left side with the ear cut. She hopped up on my lap and started making biscuits “ y̴o̴u̸r̴ ̴l̵a̷p̴ ̴i̸s̴ ̶s̵o̷f̸t̶ ̸a̷n̷d̷ ̶s̸q̷u̵i̴s̴h̷y̴,̴ ̶i̸f̸ ̵I̸ ̴h̴a̷d̷ ̵a̴ ̵m̵o̷r̷e̵ ̸h̷u̵m̷a̴n̸ ̷f̵o̴r̴m̴ ̵I̶'̶d̴ ̷h̶i̷t̸ ̴t̶h̶a̷t̷.̸” She said as she cleaned her back pink toe beans. At that moment the purple bunny walked in with zooble. “ I wish we had a new person perform” he said as shade jumped down and changed form. She was now an anthropomorphic cat. All black still but with a pink nose and blue eyes. Shade said something to zooble as they nodded. . “ it’s 3:30 in the morning, but I wanna do this now.” they said as queenie came back in with some stuff. “ do we want to do this here or in my room?” queenie asked as shade snapped us back to queenie’s room.
The next day i was going to be starting with something simple. Singing. I could do that.
Around 11:30 the ringmaster gave us our instructions for the day as we went to try it on one last time. As i got it on shade was tugging on something purple as jax fell to the ground. “Quanto idiota hai intenzione di essere, ragazzino? E poi è una gran figa. She has a nice ass” ( how much of an idiot are you gonna be, kid? she's a total hottie too. ) I couldn't figure out what was being said but i picked up on the last bit. He looked at shade and said :” don't lust in oh my gosh you’re right she does have a nice ass”
“ the both of you need to go, Jax you know the song so if you want to play the violin with her go get dressed“ queenie said as he eagerly ran and came back dressed in a sheer top that looked nice with my periwinkle dress. “Te l'avevo detto che aveva un bel sedere. Avevi detto che volevi una donna con le curve, ed eccoti accontentato.”( i told you she had a nice butt. you said you wanted a woman with curves and here you go. ) shade said as jax laughed and said something else as i came up to him and fixed his bow tie.
As i went onstage shade told me to not worry as she would be in the audience and to keep my eyes on her.
“ that when i talk to you, oh cupid walks right though and shoots an arrow through my heart,”
I let the music and my voice carry me as i dropped the shawl and i felt…. Safe… for once as i latched onto the pole on the side and spun around.
“Confess i loved you, from the start”
Everyone looked ready to throw something
“What’s a girl”
They threw confetti as i walked around holding the mic
“To do, lying on my bed stand staring into the blue”
I took off the skirt as jax played the violin exposing my curves and hip dips when I heard someone boo. “ Missy, what are you doing wearing something so exposing? You’re too fat to be on stage!” The sound was familiar. I froze up as shade came up to me and rubbed against my feet. The person who booed started coming up to me as shade hissed and was kicked against as she looked shocked quickly running off as this person who was my mom. The white collar and blurred face was the same. Even in this place she still haunted me.
“ you need to cover up. You’re coming home right now missy” she said as she pulled my hair as I tried to not get him again. As i tried to fight against her strong authority she had on me kinger came up behind her and hit her over the head with a frying pan. “ That's gonna teach you for messing with my kid!” he said as the curtains dropped and shade came back holding a few bottles of something as she fumbled the lip but was finally to dump it out. She drew a circle and kinger pulled me away. All the sudden Shade was in the circle chanting something of some sort as kinger picked me up and carried me away.
“ swallow your pride cast your blood lust aside, bitch you better fall back so this is it, you sad sack of sh*t. Im a whole god and you’re just a dead man, don't wait or hesitate, so go ahead and run. Shoulda said it sooner but f*ck you you old b*tch”
All the sudden the lights went out and came back on as something was generating the power. I couldn't hear anything but the cheering as The room was blurry as my breath quickened. I couldn't breathe at all. What was going on? No, I needed to pull myself together before she berated me for acting for attention. All the sudden Shade had wiggled her way to my lap and started making biscuits on my thighs as my breathing slowed down slowly as I stroked her fur. She saved me. “Piangi pure, Dolly. Mi sono preso cura di lei. Fa bene piangere. Queenie please go grab her a weighted blanket and some warm milk with lavender incense to burn.” Shade said as jax came in and wrapped the blanket around me. It didn't take me long to start crying again. As I felt someone picked me up and took me back to my room. As i was set down he unwrapped me as he couldn't help but stare at my cleavage. “ You did really well today, doll, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me tonight.” Jax said, his nerves full as i stood up and rubbed his cheek. “ sure, but it’s gonna cost you something” i said as our eyes met. I could feel his hand sliding up to my butt as he started pulling down on my lingerie and i stopped him pulling away. “ not now, the show you want will come later on after the date”
Later that night we ultimately canceled the show and refunded people. The date went well, it was a simple drink in the bar but he was a very light weight. I wanted to be sober for what I was going to do. I got changed in the ladies bathroom and had something just for him.
Jax’s pov
As i waited in my room playing with the fake vines hanging down a knock was heard as i opened the door. She was in a light blue robe and had red lipstick on as she guided me to the bed. “ will you be good for me tonight?” she cooed as i nodded. A kiss was plantedd on my neck as i felt myself getting…. Rough down there. She pulled up and un did the collar on my see through top as i undid the robe and pushed it off as ebay i could. A light blue lacy garment was hardly covering her. I pulled down on her bra as i suckled gladly on her nips. She pulled away and trailed down to my lower abdomen and i pullled my pants and under garments down. Good thing i did what I needed to do beforehand. She rubbed my inner thigh as it rose more. “ Are we getting happy?” she cooed again i nodded like crazy which gave her the go ahead. She slipped herself in as she quickly rose and slammed back down on my hips as I moaned. “ ohhh~~~ raggy~~~~~~~~ please,” i was struggling to speak as she did it again. As I climaxed quickly she kept going as the two of us let out lewd and raucous sounds. “ need to- hffff- more-” she huffed out as i let her go more.
As she pulled out of me 2 and a half hours later i was exhausted. I kept on for her and my lower half was jelly.