Work Text:
Unnamed Project: Log 1
I stepped out of my workshop for just a moment the other day to send a message back to Athena, and when I came back, there was a small puppy absolutely devouring my honey stores. I can't even blame him, they were fresh from the combs and stacked on the floor beside the door just asking to be eaten. I hadn't even gotten a chance to take them inside yet. I expected him to leave after he finished raiding my sweets, but he just stuck around, watching me work. It's been a couple of days now, and he’s still hanging around. He sleeps in the workshop under my desk, and yesterday he even followed me home when I went to get something to eat. He’s too young to speak very much, but the way he looks at me… it's wonderful.
He reminded me of the story I heard growing up about how Mom had found me doing the same thing with jars of jam in the pantry in the old house. I'll never be able to live down the origins of my birth name. And that got me thinking. I’ve passively wondered for a while now if what happened to me when I was a bear cub could be recreated. Obviously, I'm not expecting anything to happen to me that would require me to need a vessel, but the thought still plagues me. Of course the creatures have Fenris now, and I’ve been teaching some of the kids a couple words in their language here and there. But still, if anything were to happen to me there wouldn't be anyone to look out for them. And beyond that, there would be no more new creatures to evolve either. It may be something to look into. I’m not going to stake too much into this but I thought I'd start a log, just in case any developments are made.
think I've decided to name the puppy Honey.
Spring 3rd. Bruin
Unnamed Project: Log 2
I’ll be honest, I have really no idea how to even go about what I'm attempting here. I’d imagine it's similar to creating something new except for the thing I'm creating already exists and similar to using another ability like my transformation ability except that I have to project that ability onto something else. So I'd imagine it's not anything like either of those things at all, really. I casually asked Rae some awkward questions about magical baby creation… I'm sure that was an enjoyable conversation for both of us. Enlightening though, I’m going to see if I can talk with Epros or Kinaxus soon.
I've realized that if this works at any point in the process, it’s going to WORK. Do I preemptively babyproof the place just in case? Surely that would be better than trying to do it on the fly…. It seemed like when I was made a vessel all those years and resets ago it was an on-the-fly sort of thing. I can’t remember any real process Delta did to achieve that. Which almost makes me wonder if I'm even capable. Do I need to be actively dying in order to achieve what I'm trying to do? Will it even be safe for me to attempt? And if it isn't… is it worth it? It could be that tomorrow I’ll abandon the idea entirely and pretend I never wrote this. But curiosity might win.
Spring 12th. Bruin
Project Honey: Log 3
Honey’s personality is starting to show, I think he’s getting more comfortable around me. Of course, there's the handful of notebooks that he’s shredded in the couple of seconds that my back was turned but luckily I’ve started making copies.
Epros was marginally more helpful than Kinaxus, though both of them were still frustratingly vague. Epros described the act of creation much like how it feels to me, which I suppose makes sense. Innate and natural, somewhat indescribable. It’s not like I expected a how-to manual, but I’d hoped maybe voi would say something that would just…. Make it click.
I’m forced to consider that maybe it’s impossible. Maybe whatever level of power I’ve been siphoned down to over the centuries is all that’s left of me. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it? An eternal future. The idea that I’m dependable enough to do this forever. I guess it should be comforting that we can count on that peace. I could just do this forever, be here forever. I don’t have to worry about that gap between my human family and my animal one because I'll always be here to bridge it. But that doesn’t comfort me as much as I want it to. I’ve spent who knows how long being the only thing like me. Too animal to be human but too human to be animal. It’s lonely. Maybe it was selfish of me to act like I had some noble purpose to ensure the future when in reality I just like the idea of there being someone else out there whos like me. At least I can take comfort in the idea that they would never have to grow up how I did, because they’d always have me.
I’m getting lost in sentimentality, back to the science of it. I have one last lead to follow. My mother was the one who woke me when Easton and I were little. Maybe she’s the vital element I’m missing. Especially since her connection with the world only seems to get stronger over the years, at the very least maybe she can provide some insight.
Spring 20th. Bruin
Project Honey: Log 4
I am trying very hard not to be jealous of just how much Honey seemed to adore my mother. The moment he saw her his tail started going haywire and he was practically glued to her hip our entire visit. It was like he’d known her his entire life- granted, that isn't a very long time, but you hardly would have guessed that it was the first time they’d met. But I guess that’s exactly how puppies are supposed to be. Carefree, happy, and outgoing. I think at one point I was like that, a long time ago.
Anyway, my conversation with my mother was as helpful as I could expect. It’s not like I expected her to write me out the perfect scientific formula for what I'm trying to achieve, but regardless it was nice to hear what it was like when she achieved it. She described the way something in my eyes and my attitude changed immediately, something to look out for. She even humored me enough to try giving honey a kiss on the forehead.
...I’m starting to give up. Maybe the conditions that created me are unable to be replicated and this has all been for nothing. Granted, that was very possible from the start but for some reason I really believed I’d be able to figure it out. I’m not dying, there’s no true need for a vessel, I didn’t create honey, and I’m not even a full fledged god. This may be my last entry. Spring 27. Bruin
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As he finished signing his name, Bruin tossed the pencil down onto the notebook in exasperation. They leaned their elbow on the table and ran their fingers through their hair. After a second they felt something nudge their leg. When he looked down, two huge brown eyes were staring up at them. The puppy let out a small whine.
“Hungry.”
“You’re right, Hon. let’s go home.” Bruin scooped up the tiny puppy, propping him on their hip like a laundry basket.
The second they were through the door, Honey wiggled free from Bruins grasp and dashed inside. Bruin fished a bowl of meat and grains out of the fridge and set it on the ground. They observed for a second, making sure that the puppy wasn’t eating too fast. Once Honey was licking the bowl clean, Bruin collapsed on the couch. Their notebook rested on their chest, the weight of it crushing them deeper into the sofa. They leaned their head back on the armrest and gazed up at the ceiling. Formulas and questions seemed to spiral through the air above them, but they couldn’t seem to bring any of them into focus. His eyes began to swim and he pressed them shut. The darkness did nothing to distract them; their questions bled through the back of their eyelids.
It took them a long second to notice when the figurative weight on their chest became literal. It was only when a puff of warm puppy breath hit their face that they opened their eyes again. Honey stretched, their front paws sliding up to bruins shoulders. He did a precarious spin on Bruin’s chest and they raised their arm on the outside edge of the couch, hovering in case the small dog lost balance. Completing his spin, Honey flopped down in a ball. He gave a gigantic yet tiny yawn- putting every single one of his razor teeth on display- and then his chin landed on Bruin’s collarbones. Bruin watched his tiny chest rising and falling, his back paw twitching gently. Everything else faded away, the tension in their shoulders eased and their mind quieted as their breathing fell in line with the puppy’s. Careful not to shift their body too much, they craned their neck forward and placed a gentle kiss on Honey’s forehead.
Just as Bruin was about to lay their head back, Honey’s eyes blinked open. His pupils seemed to dilate and then shrink and then again and again. He twitched his and his vision focused on Bruin; his pupils dilating one last time. Then he sat up. But not in his usual way; this time he used a paw to push himself up. Then he reached up and rubbed the sleep from his eye with the other paw.
Bruin felt the hair on the back of their neck stand up and they quickly shifted Honey from their chest to their lap. As their hand touched the puppy’s golden fur, a small vine began to encircle his head. Once it was complete, a small ring of flowers rested between their ears. A small ring of pink tulips.
Honey looked up at Bruin, smiled wide, and spoke. Not a bark or a whine or a yip, but a word:
“Bruin?”
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Project Honey: Log 5
I had a realization. This entire time, I was ignoring the emotional testimonies of everyone I'd asked. Over and over again I kept getting frustrated that I couldn’t seem to figure out the exact scientific formula for creating a vessel with an animal host. But that must have been what was holding me back the entire time. When Delta did it with Jamie way back when, it was an act of desperation not a calculated act of creation. When my mom took me in, it was an emotional connection. It was an act of love, she hardly knew what effect it would have on me. Epros and Kinaxus must have known I’d figure it out eventually.
It worked.
Last night, when Honey stretched and gave one of those huge puppy yawns where you can see every single one of their tiny little teeth, none of it mattered. Everything seemed to melt away. I can’t believe all it took was for me to stop trying so hard. He’s amazing. He’s a little tornado capable of destruction beyond my imagination and his newfound dexterity has only aided in his problem causing quest. He's perfect and I love him more than I ever thought possible. I cannot wait to teach him everything he wants to know and introduce him to all of the people and creatures I love. I just know they’ll love him too.
Supplementary: Martin absolutely adores him, insists I continue to let him babysit, and I’m fairly sure Impossible Whopper has already taught him a curse word or two behind my back.
Spring 36. Bruin