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The snow had set in the few states of America and Erik felt as cold as it. In fact he'd rather be a dead body more than the sick feeling he felt in his chest now. After the events of a demolished stadium and the presidents own lawn. Erik never felt quite at place with himself. For as long as he cared to know he had always been alone. Except he knew someone always had access to his mind. So he knew he was never truly alone. But he felt that he could never be a true person. At least not the one for Charles Xavier. Charles sent him small messages time and time again to reach him. Little voices in the back of Erik's mind to truly show evidence that he was by all means, Insane. But the. He remembers his past words of confirmation. " If you want me, you know where to find me." Charles clearly never forgot these words, and Erik imagined him waiting in his wheelchair, looking out the window for him to stride on the stone path. " Come home, Erik. Don't stay away forever. " home? There was no home for him. This crappy hotel in the middle of nowhere was enough to survive for as long as he meant to. " It can be your home, Erik. If you can finally believe it can." How about you focus on your own problems Charles? Instead of patronising me this way? " You are my problem now, Erik." He thought about this for a moment and almost wished he didn't. Because Charles could hear him no matter what he did anymore. " Then why don't you kill me Charles?" If Charles focused enough on him he could tear Erik from the inside out, maybe give him a punch of karma. Although after the long moment of silence he expected a jab of pain in his mind and it would be quieter than a breath. ' peace was never an option' he has thought before, now it seemed probable rather than impossible. " You know why, Erik." I love you. The words echoed in his mind like the bullet which he wanted Charles to etch into his brain, the first time he asked, his wish wasn't granted. He didn't even wish to think that it would happen now. Besides Charles heard him, his every thought and wonder. It terrified him and shook him to his core at the thought of Charles breaking the walls of his mind to find the rest hollow and cold. " I won't abandon you, not this time." You never abandoned me, Charles. For once in your life you are finally wrong. But I don't want to be given the chance to leave you again.
Charles hadn't been in his mind for at least two months. He thought anyway, the wish of him leaving came back to bite him in the ass. His coping with the sudden silence had been drowned out with the impact of whiskey and smoke fogging every nerve and emotion he had. No he felt truly heartless that he wanted to wrench into his own ribcage to see if it's still even there. He didn't feel alive anymore. He's always wanted silence, but he never thought it would be so silent. It was deafening, it was unbearable. He sunk out this emptiness in a bar by the corner shop somewhere that he didn't recognise but was close enough to his motel that he could crawl back if he needed to. The barstool was creaky and badly mannered every time he moved a muscle. The table held multiple empty glasses which previously held a sad and ridiculous amount of vodka. Now at this sad point in time he was truly feeling spontaneous and asked , slurring slightly " Can you, good sir please get me a nice drink of w-wine." The bartender though bulky and threatening seemed to obey the polite tone and continued on in making it happen. Erik had been here long enough to know that if you yell at the one that's serving the drinks. You're luck if the only thing they do is spit in your drink. The wine glass set down with a slight clink of the glass rocking its contents back and forth. Erik held it with a delicate hand that slightly quivered with the fact of him being a slightly wasted hoodlum. Or it could be worse, Erik thought as the crisis of young adulthood came into the bar, and by the look of it this definitely wasn't their first visit of drinking of the night. They slurred out screams and eyes glanced at them with closed mouths. Then something they slurred out really made his head turn no matter how drunk he really was. " Freaks, they never knew what hit em'", " That's to show em'" . It wasn't a mystery who they were talking or thinking about.
" Hey, guys, check out this piece of white trash." Erik somehow sensed their voices direct to him. Yet he remained eyes trained forward. " Ain't this the hobo we saw last week passed out by a trash can?", " Oh, yeah, I think you're right, boy." Don't engage, don't engage. "Need a shave ,pal? See my friend here could cook you up real good with his blade." Erik's entire body burned like an upcoming explosion of lava. But he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the two cell, dickheads that were behind him and getting too close for comfort. He needed a compromise and a steady solution that didn't involve killing multiple drunken kids. " How about we take this outside." They laughed with a hilarity that he didn't think anyone sober could match. " Whatever you say , gramps."
A beating. Fists and feet painted Erik's skin with bruises and no metal. In all honesty that you can have while you're drunk. He didn't want to hurt these boys. No matter how thick headed or a pain in the neck they were and are. That's not what Charles would've wanted. But he didn't care to be kicked at while on the cold blistering ground. He called out to Charles like he were to be saved by him. " Charles?" The boys looked confused. Probably none of the five were called such a thing in their life. They muttered curses and last licks of bruises. Then they went to find another mutant freak to stomp on. He played there for a few minutes and let his drowsy psychotic sense fill into his mind and take him over completely. " C-Charles ?" He shivered " Please. I don't want to be like this forever." He whimpered through ragged breaths at the crushing sensation of the bruises taking his lungs now. A black shadowed figure appeared standing in a few short meters away from him. They were slanted by his current vision of them and suddenly felt a wave of panic rather than relief. " Leave, strange man." The voice returned in something he didn't notice expect in this time and place. " What a way to describe an old friend, Erik." His teeth chattered loudly. " C-Charles?"
" yes?"
" you're here?"
" of course."
" A-are you r-real." Charles stopped in his tracks while bowing his head towards Erik's face. His features became more visible now that he was nearer. His hair was a shiny hazelnut and eyes bluer than the oceans rise and fall of waves. He had acquired more comfier clothes in his time of departure. Checkered bottoms and what seemed like a black shirt, yet the light that remained of the nearby lamppost showed it was in fact a shadowed white. " I will be." Erik's eyes drooped and felt heavy and he realised from his fall that there was light splatters of red by his mouth and overall head. " I'm coming, Erik." His vision grew dark and his eyes fluttered closed . His ears were ringing and foggy. " Wait for me, I'm coming."
He heard the light hum of metal reach his senses as he opened his heavy eyes, minimising them to slits. The beeping of a machine grew more intense as he woke and tried to move upwards. But a hand rose out and laid down on his chest to keep him down. He glanced over the image still foggy. But he was too weak and tired of trying to fight back. Instead a hand, his hand, clasped the other. " C-Charles?" But another voice refrained his answer. " light concussion, two bruised ribs and a hell of a black eye. I don't know about you but I think another week or so, the bruised ribs'll be gone and the others don't affect his performance that badly." Someone else scoffed heartedly, maybe Charles. " with bruised ribs?" Only to be answered with " He'll experience some discomfort, but it's not in the need of intense medical care."
" How long does it take for bruised ribs to completely heal?"
" three to eight weeks."
" Then I guess he's staying."
Erik tightened his grip on the hand " Charles?" The other hand rubbed its thumb along his index finger, soothingly. " Yes, Erik?" He said in a sort of panicked tone. His other hand placed on the side of Erik's head keeping him upright as he talks. " I-I'm fine." He could taste the salt of blood in his mouth, or remaining.
" No, no you're not." He spluttered in his next remark " I-If we let you there any longer, than you might've-" Erik knew what he meant. He tried to sit up again, but now what he knew to be Charles' hand pushed him down with the thud of the hospital bed. He had gotten stronger and was less hesitating to be rough. " No, Erik." Erik locked eyes with him and what was to be seen made his heart clench. Blue eyes glossy like a porcelain doll. Yet tears were yet to be released, and what was worse, Charles never had to look into his mind to do it. He had never seen him cry before. But he found himself unsurprised that it was his fault, Again. " it's not your fault , Erik." Erik's body relaxed, and fell limp in the hospital bed.
" Sleep."
It was a sunny day and Erik's body felt stiff . He had been awake for hours and found himself roaming around the schools grounds. The morning sun didn't make an impact to heat, due to it being blistering cold. He didn't pay attention to where he even was before he came here. He just left, it truly never mattered where he went. As long as it wasn't hurting anybody, not anymore. He was surrounded by trees, so he didn't expect the feeling of metal to cool in his veins. " It's quite odd that one that lacks the feeling of sleep rejects it." Charles came into view, the first letter of his last name rolling the gears of the back wheel. " I'm not tired." Charles answered fast, as though he'd been waiting to spit that remark out at Erik all night and morning. " You aren't a lot of things, a tired man isn't one of them." Erik didn't answer, because there were a lot of nouns to call Erik as a whole. He didn't want to think or be reminded of them. " How did you know I was awake?" Charles laughed. " Your thoughts are loud,Erik." he knew that when Charles saw into his mind, he felt his pain and the funny thing about that is that not everyone is as trained in the thought of being so empty. The thought of making Charles feel the same pain that he did made his stomach churn.
He stood under a tree so divine, that humankind would be intimidated and find a way to ruin or kill it. Or even worse, control it. The thing that bound humankind and was slowly binding them together. " I'm sorry, Charles." Erik couldn't bear to look at him. " And I'm sorry I never told you that sooner." He really was. He never admitted it before in past ' situations ' because it would seem like another way to let him off the hook. " How are your ribs?" Charles promptly ignored. But Erik didn't push at it and let the conversation be pulled in the exact opposite direction in which he was hoping for. " Fine." He said coldly. In all truth, it hurt like a bitch. " You're such a liar." He laughed out loud, making him the most beautiful man on earth. " You should sleep a lot longer than you have already." Since Charles had found him beaten to a pulp by a bunch of boys who he could probably kill in, not even a fraction of the time they took to bruise one of his ribs. He stayed by his bedside, and Erik knew because of the familiar hum of metal that was engrained in his mind. "You've been watching me haven't you?"
"What?"
" You've stayed by my bedside during the daytime when I couldn't and wasn't allowed to get up." Erik drew the picture as he saw it. Charles laughed breathlessly. " I could leave right now, Charles. " he didn't even try to answer the statement and trained his eyes forward. " But it's clear that you'll try and stop me."
" oooh, Erik, ' try' I definitely won't use." After what felt like years, Erik finally made an expression of joy. Normally under the common term, laughter. It was short lasting but it was so worth it. Charles wasn't even expecting it. " But you should get some sleep. You're driving me mad." Erik smiles to himself stupidly. In all honesty that Charles will probably already know is that he was so tired that death seemed a mercy to his aching bones.
" Erik?"
Charles' eyes are glassy or glossy as though they just covered his porcelain eyes with varnish. They're also slightly red. He looked away for two seconds!
" woah, Charles, what's wrong?
Erik didn't realise that he was already in front of Charles with his hands gripping the armrests of the chair. His knees were digging into the muddy path.
" I-I just-" he closed his eyes for a moment letting a singular tear fall from them. " I just really thought I lost you." His left hand without restraint clasps Charles' hand in his own, and makes soothing motions from it. " You didn't, I'm fine Charles." He felt the other man's hand tighten at the words. " But even if you're physically ' okay ' You're never going to see." Now Erik was lost.
" See what?" He closed his eyes again yet no other tear fell. " Charles, see what?" He shook in his chair.
" You know what I mean, Erik."
He scoffed. " No I don't, I'm not the one that reads minds." He shook in his chair and grabbed a side of Erik's neck with the palm of his hand.
" See, that I love you Erik and you just don't know how much I mean it." Erik felt his face grow hot as he realised he could feel Erik's words marked on his skin because of how close they were. " I-I - you really mean that?" He smiled then, the action forming wrinkles in the sides of his eyes. He isn't answer but what happened next said enough.
Their mouths crashed together in an entangled warmth he never knew he needed. It was magical, even though he had kissed people before. None had done it quite the way Charles did. He smiled against his lips, was gentle even personally. He knew Charles to be all things gentle, but ever since the victimisation of his jaw, he didn't think he'd ever experience the same gentle ever again. He was wrong.
Charles pulled away gently as he'd always done and Erik found himself unready to leave the warmth. But respected Charles' wishes and pulled back slightly despite his personal wishes. " Now are you willing to let me help you?" He cockily said. Yet he was so adorable when he said it.
" You used that against me didn't you?" Charles shrugged.
" I guess we'll find that out."
For the first time in forever, Erik felt safe. As long as he could share moments like this with Charles, forever. Live the quiet life.