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Hit the Rafter (1997)

Summary:

September 27, 1997, Dearly Farm, Dinsford, Suffolk, UK

Whizzer and Two-Tone have trouble getting their boyfriends to ask them to the dance

Notes:

Mooch and Whizzer have been an established couple for years, while Dipstick and Two-Tone only recently got together. Mooch frequently bullies Lucky; he's mean and selfish, but not around his boyfriend or friends. Whizzer has a weak bladder but is brave, intelligent, and determined. Despite Dipstick's name (it actually comes from his tail, which looks like it was dipped in oil), he's rather clever and protective, but is treated like a doormat for Mooch. Two-Tone is Mooch's ex-girlfriend with a stout body; she's a ditherer and a tomboy.

*Though they are physically puppies, they are mentally/biologically 11-12, with Mooch being 14.

Work Text:

The morning air in Dinsford carries the sharp, crisp promise of autumn, rustling through the changing leaves on the Dearly Farm lawn. Nanny moves back and forth with practiced efficiency, her arms laden with old wooden crates, mismatched porcelain teacups, and stacks of vintage clothing. She hums a quiet tune under her breath, carefully arranging the items on a long folding table to set up the weekend yard sale.

 

A few yards away, Two-Tone sits back on her haunches, her stout frame casting a distinct shadow on the grass. She watches Nanny handle a sequined vest, her head tilting as she turns to Cadpig, who is sitting right beside her.

 

"See, the way I look at it, yard sales are a double-edged sword, Cadpig," Two-Tone says, her voice carrying the casual, slightly cynical tone of a twelve-year-old who thinks she has the world figured out. "On the pro side, you’re looking at a goldmine of cheap, vintage style. It’s peak ’90s recycling. On the con side, you have to dig through stuff that smells like an attic just to find one piece that doesn’t make you look like a total dork."

 

Cadpig tilts her head, her large ears twitching as she listens with her usual philosophical patience. "Material possessions are merely brief extensions of our inner energy, Two-Tone. But please, do continue your sociological analysis."

 

"Right, well, analysis over, because I’m going in for a closer look," Two-Tone decides, pushing herself up onto all fours. A spark of determined excitement lights up her eyes. "I need to find the perfect aesthetic. Something that screams 'sophisticated but approachable.' I’m picking out an outfit for Dipstick."

 

Cadpig blinks, her tiny brow furrowing in immediate confusion. She pictures Dipstick—with his goofy grin and his oil-dipped tail—trying to squeeze his lanky body into a velvet waistcoat or a frilly blouse. "Wait. You’re buying an outfit for Dipstick to wear? Two-Tone, the boy literally spends half his day trying to catch his own tail. I don’t think he’s ready for haute couture."

 

Two-Tone lets out a sharp, amused snort, rolling her eyes at her sister's misunderstanding. "Ugh, gross, no! It’s not for him to wear. It’s for me, dummy. But it’s for him, tracking? If I look absolutely stunning, it will ensure that Dipstick finally gets the hint and invites me to the Four-Legged Fall Ball. We only just started dating, and he’s so sweet, but he’s a total space cadet. He needs a visual aid to remind him that he’s got a gorgeous girlfriend who wants to slow-dance."

 

Two-Tone trots over to the edge of the tables, sniffing through a basket of old accessories while Cadpig hovers closely behind her, playing the role of the reluctant fashion consultant.

 

"I still think you’re placing too much emphasis on the superficial, sister," Cadpig says, puffing out her chest as she adopts her signature therapeutic tone. "True connection isn't built on textiles and accessories. As a wise pup once implied, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, not the outside. Your essence should be enough to draw him in."

 

Two-Tone pauses, a blue beaded necklace dangling from her teeth. She drops it back into the basket and looks at Cadpig, her expression softening into a rare moment of genuine vulnerability. For a brief second, the tomboyish exterior melts away. "Huh. You know... that actually makes a lot of sense, Cadpig. Inside stuff. Yeah. Maybe I’m just overthinking it."

 

She turns away, taking two slow steps toward the barn, seemingly enlightened by her sister’s words. One second passes. Two seconds pass. Three seconds pass.

 

Two-Tone spins around on her heel, her paws skidding in the dirt as she darts right back to the basket with a look of fierce pragmatism. "Yeah, okay, that inner beauty stuff is great for a poem, but it doesn't mean Dip can’t *also* like me for how I look on the outside! Balance, Cadpig. It’s all about balance."

 

With renewed focus, she dives back into the pile. After a moment of intense scrounging, she emerges triumphantly. Wrapped securely around her neck is a vibrant, multi-stranded blue bead necklace, and sitting jauntily atop her head, tilted at a perfectly dramatic angle, is a bright red woolen beret. She strikes a pose, her stout body held high. "Boom. Sophisticated. He won't know what hit him."

---

Across the vibrant green lawn, Lucky and Rolly are tasked with the heavy lifting for the upcoming festivities. They are currently navigating a patch of oversized pumpkins near the garden border. Lucky, ever the assertive leader, is pushing a particularly plump, bright orange specimen with his chest, his eyes scanning the yard. Suddenly, he freezes, his spots shifting as he catches sight of Two-Tone strutting past the yard sale tables in her new look. A sudden, heavy sigh escapes him. Ever since Two-Tone and Dipstick became official, Lucky has harbored a quiet, lingering jealousy. He watches her, completely captivated by her tomboyish charm and the ridiculous elegance of the red beret.

 

"Man, look at her, Rolly," Lucky mutters, his voice thick with a longing that he usually tries to hide behind his tough-guy facade. "She looks amazing. I’d give anything to go to the Fall Ball with her. Dipstick is a nice guy, sure, but he doesn't appreciate how cool she actually is. If I were the one taking her, I'd make sure—"

 

"Hey, Lucky?" Rolly interrupts, his voice muffled and thick.

 

"Not now, Rolly, I’m yearning," Lucky snaps, keeping his eyes glued to Two-Tone. "I’m just saying, a girl like that deserves a guy who can really lead on the dance floor. Someone with vision. Someone like me."

 

"Yeah, that’s great, Lucky, but we have a tactical problem," Rolly mumbles again.

 

Sighing in irritation, Lucky tears his gaze away from Two-Tone and looks over at his brother. His jaw drops. The massive pumpkin they had spent the last ten minutes rolling across the grass is gone. In its place is a hollowed-out, jagged shell of orange rind. Rolly is sitting in the middle of the wreckage, his face entirely smeared with raw pumpkin pulp, a guilty but deeply satisfied expression in his eyes.

 

"Rolly!" Lucky shrieks, his paws flying to his head. "You ate the pumpkin! Again! The dance is literally right around the corner, and you just devoured our decor!"

 

Rolly swallows hard, wiping his mouth with a chubby paw. "I couldn't help it, okay? The stress of the ball is making my blood sugar drop. Besides, it was perfectly ripe."

 

---

 

Meanwhile, inside the cool, shadowed interior of the main barn, the atmosphere is considerably less romantic and far more chaotic. The air is thick with the scent of hay, old leather, and the distinct, wet thwack of spit wads hitting wooden beams. Mooch, the undisputed leader of the backyard pack, sits atop a hay bale like a king on a throne. At fourteen, he is bigger, rougher, and distinctly more cynical than the others. He holds a hollowed-out plastic straw between his teeth, his eyes narrowed as he aims. With a powerful puff of air, he sends a wet ball of chewed-up newspaper flying across the room.

 

Thwack! It hits Dipstick right between the ears. Dipstick, despite his lanky frame and the tendency of others to treat him like a complete doormat, doesn't even flinch. He just grins, his oil-dipped tail wagging lazily as he wipes the spit wad off his forehead. He likes being part of the gang, even if it means being Mooch’s favorite target.

 

Beside Mooch sits Whizzer, his smaller, sleek body tense with focus. Whizzer’s ears are pinned back, his intelligent eyes tracking Mooch’s every move. Despite his notoriously weak bladder—which usually acts up whenever things get too exciting—Whizzer possesses a fierce bravery and a sharp mind. He fires his own spit wad, perfectly hitting a rusty nail on the opposite wall.

 

"Nice shot, babe," Mooch grunts, his rough exterior softening by a fraction of a degree as he looks at Whizzer.

 

Around the rest of the farm, Mooch is a terror, especially to Lucky, but when it’s just his boyfriend and his inner circle, the cruel edge dulls into something resembling affection. The barn doors creak open, letting a bright shaft of morning sunlight cut through the dust motes. Two-Tone steps inside, her blue beads clinking together, the red beret perched perfectly on her head. She strikes a casual pose against the doorframe, trying to look effortless.

 

"Hey, boys," Two-Tone says, casting a meaningful, heavy look directly at Dipstick. She clears her throat loudly, adjusting her necklace. "So, the Four-Legged Fall Ball is coming up. Very exclusive. Very romantic. It’d be a real shame if someone’s incredibly stylish girlfriend didn't have an official invitation yet. Hint, hint, Dipstick." She glances sideways at Mooch, raising an eyebrow. "And honestly, Mooch, you should probably take notes. Maybe you should get around to asking Whizzer, instead of just slobbering over scrap paper all day."

 

Mooch’s eyes narrow, his brief moment of good humor instantly evaporating at the intrusion. He glares at Two-Tone’s stout frame, his lip curling into a sneer. "Hey, why don't you do us all a favor and move your big bottom out of the doorway? You're blocking the light, and you're ruining my aim."

 

Two-Tone’s jaw drops, her pride taking a direct hit. "Excuse me?!"

 

"You heard me," Mooch barks, leaning forward aggressively. He points a heavy paw at Dipstick, who is suddenly looking very uncomfortable, shifting his weight from paw to paw. "And you better back off before I have Dipstick stand next to you. The guy is a walking biohazard. You stay there any longer, and he’s gonna get his fleas all over you."

 

Two-Tone’s face falls into a deep, wounded pout. She looks at Dipstick, hoping he’ll defend her honor, but Dipstick just looks down at his paws, completely submissive to Mooch’s authority. Feeling humiliated and fiercely annoyed, Two-Tone turns on her heel and storms back outside, the beads clashing loudly against her chest.

 

Outside, the fresh air does little to cool Two-Tone’s temper. She stomps over to a patch of grass near the garden, sitting down heavily as she watches Lucky and Rolly drag a brand-new, slightly smaller pumpkin out of the patch. Lucky is still lecturing Rolly, who looks thoroughly unbothered by his brother's anger. Two-Tone sighs, her bravado completely gone, leaving her looking small despite her stout build.

 

Back inside the barn, the silence is tense. Mooch relaxes back onto his hay bale, reaching for another piece of paper. "Alright, Dipstick, load up. Let’s see if you can hit the rafter this time."

 

But Dipstick doesn't move. For once, something inside his usually easygoing, clever mind has snapped. He looks at the doorway where Two-Tone had just been standing, then looks at Mooch, who is completely ignoring the hurt he just caused. Dipstick feels a sudden, uncharacteristic surge of protectiveness. He might let Mooch treat him like a doormat, but treating Two-Tone like that crossed the line. Slowly, deliberately, Dipstick puts his straw to his lips. He aims right at Mooch’s face.

 

Pfft! A massive, incredibly wet spit wad flies through the air and lands squarely on the tip of Mooch’s nose.

 

The barn goes dead silent. Whizzer gasps, his eyes widening in pure shock. Mooch freezes. Slowly, he reaches up with one paw, wipes the wet paper off his nose, and stares at it. His eyes darken with an intense, terrifying rage.

 

He glares down at the lanky pup, his muscles tensing as he prepares to lung. "You are dead meat, Dipstick."

 

The sudden spike of fear instantly dissolves Dipstick’s newfound bravery. His tail tucks between his legs, and his ears go flat. "Uh oh," he squeaks.

 

Without waiting for Mooch to get up, Dipstick turns and bolts out of the barn at a full sprint, his paws kicking up dirt and loose straw. He bursts out into the sunlight, terrified and scanning the yard for a place to hide. He spots Two-Tone sitting near the pumpkin patch and runs straight for her, collapsing into the grass beside her, trembling slightly.

 

"Woah, Dipstick! What is wrong with you?" Two-Tone asks, her pout instantly vanishing as she looks at his panicked expression.

 

"I—I hit Mooch! In the face! With a spit wad!" Dipstick pants, his big eyes wide with a mix of terror and residual adrenaline. "He’s gonna flatten me, Two-Tone! He’s gonna turn me into a rug!"

 

Two-Tone blinks, completely taken aback. Then, a warm, soft smile spreads across her face. She realizes exactly why he did it. She leans in, gently rubbing her shoulder against his lanky frame, offering immediate comfort. "Hey, calm down. You’re safe out here. He’s not gonna do anything with Nanny around." She nudges him gently, her tone teasing but incredibly sweet. "That was actually... really brave of you, Dip."

 

Dipstick stops trembling, his wagging tail slowly lifting from the grass as he looks at her. He notices the blue beads and the red beret properly for the first time, his clever mind finally putting the pieces together. His heart swells.

 

"Wow," Dipstick murmurs, his voice full of genuine admiration. "You look... really pretty, Two-Tone. Like a movie star or something." He swallows his lingering fear, puffing out his chest as best as he can. "Hey, um... since we're out here... would you do me the honor of going to the Four-Legged Fall Ball with me?"

 

Two-Tone’s eyes light up, a massive, brilliant grin breaking across her face. She adjusts her beret with a confident flick of her ear. "I would love to, Dipstick. It's a date."

 

Inside the barn, the tension has dissipated into a completely different vibe. Mooch, having decided that chasing Dipstick required too much cardio for a Saturday morning, has settled back down on his hay bale. Whizzer sits close beside him, his gaze fixed on his boyfriend's face. Whizzer shifts uncomfortably, his weak bladder giving a tiny, anxious twitch, though his expression remains determined and brave.

 

He clears his throat, trying to sound casual. "So... since everyone else is talking about it... are we going to that dance, Mooch? The Fall Ball?"

 

Mooch rolls his eyes, letting out a loud, dramatic groan as he leans back against the hay. "Ugh, a dance? Come on, Whiz, you know that stuff is totally lame. A bunch of pups dressing up and acting mushy? It’s completely wack."

 

Whizzer’s ears droop slightly, a look of disappointment washing over his sharp features. He looks down at his paws, his tail going still.

 

Mooch catches the look and immediately softens, his tough-guy demeanor melting away just for his boy. He reaches out, gently bumping his shoulder against Whizzer's. "But... look, if it really means that much to you... I guess I don't care. I’ll go if you want to go. Just don't expect me to wear a tie or anything."

 

Whizzer’s head snaps up, his eyes sparkling with pure delight. A massive, thrilled grin spreads across his face, and he lets out a triumphant cry. "It’s a date!" He vibrates with excitement, his brave, intelligent persona temporarily replaced by pure, unadulterated joy.

 

Just then, the barn doors creak open again. Dipstick walks back in, his chest puffed out so far he looks like a proud pigeon. He is practically floating on air, a totally lovesick, goofy grin plastered across his face. His oil-dipped tail is wagging so hard his entire backside is shaking. "Hey guys," Dipstick sighs dreamily, staring blankly at the ceiling. "Guess who is officially taking Two-Tone to the dance? That's right. This guy. She said yes. She called me brave. We're gonna slow-dance, and it's gonna be magical..."

 

Mooch and Whizzer exchange a long, deadpan look. The sheer amount of mushy, romantic energy radiating off Dipstick is entirely too much for them to handle.

 

"Alright, that’s it. He’s lost his mind," Mooch mutters, standing up. "We need to ground this guy. Literally."

 

Whizzer grins mischievously, immediately catching on to the plan. "I'll get the line."

 

Before the lovesick Dipstick can even realize what is happening, Mooch grabs him by the scruff, while Whizzer expertly grabs a loose section of the low-hanging washing line that runs through the back of the barnyard. Working together with practiced teamwork, they hoist the lanky pup upward.

 

"Hey! Wait! What are you guys doing?!" Dipstick yelps, though his voice holds more confusion than actual panic.

 

Within seconds, Mooch and Whizzer have securely hooked Dipstick’s collar and harness onto the clothesline, sliding him out over the open yard. He hangs suspended in mid-air, his paws dangling uselessly a few feet above the ground, right over the path where Lucky and Rolly are currently rolling their new, replacement pumpkin.

 

---

 

Lucky is sweating, his paws pushing the fresh pumpkin with everything he has, while Rolly gives a half-hearted shove from behind. "Just a little further, Rolly," Lucky pants. "If we can just get this onto the porch before you get hungry again—"

 

"Hey, look up!" Rolly points.

 

Lucky stops and looks up. Hanging directly above his head, swinging gently back and forth like a bizarre piece of spotted laundry, is Dipstick.

 

"Hey, Lucky! Hey, Rolly!" Dipstick calls down cheerfully, completely unbothered by his predicament. "I’m going to the dance with Two-Tone! Isn't life grand?!"

 

From the edge of the barn, Mooch and Whizzer grab the end of the clothesline, giving it a few sharp, violent shakes. "Hey, Dipstick! Let's see if we can shake some sense into you!" Mooch yells, laughing roughly.

 

The sudden shaking causes Dipstick to jolt back and forth. He scratches at his side with a hind leg as the motion agitates his fur. "Whoa! Hey, cut it out, guys! That actually—hey, hold on—"

 

With a final, hard shake from Mooch, a couple of loose, microscopic hitchhikers dislodge from Dipstick’s coat. A pair of tiny, frantic fleas tumble through the air, falling straight down and landing right into the thick fur on the back of Lucky's neck. For a second, nothing happens. Then, Lucky’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. A sudden, intense, agonizing itch flares up right between his shoulder blades.

 

"Oh no... oh no, no, no!" Lucky shrieks, his hind leg instantly flying up to scratch furiously at his neck. "Fleas! Dipstick’s fleas! They're on me! Get them off! Get them off!"

 

In his blind, scratching panic, Lucky loses his footing entirely. He trips over his own paws and crashes hard into Rolly. The two brothers go sprawling into the dirt, tumbling directly into their brand-new pumpkin. CRUNCH! The pumpkin explodes into a shower of wet orange seeds and smashed pulp. Rolly blinks, a massive piece of rind landing right on top of his head like a helmet.

 

Up on the washing line, Dipstick watches the chaos and lets out a loud, bubbly burst of laughter. "Hey! Stop shaking the line, it tickles! That tickles so bad!"

 

He kicks his legs in mid-air, completely helpless to the laughter bubbling up in his chest. Seeing the absolute absurdity of the situation—Lucky furiously scratching, Rolly sitting under a pumpkin helmet, and Dipstick dangling like a wet towel—Mooch and Whizzer burst out into loud, genuine laughter from the barn door. Even Two-Tone, walking back over with her blue beads jingling, can't help but join in, the entire yard ringing with the joyful, chaotic sound of the farm pups.