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The only sounds Derek could hear in his final moments were the sizzling and popping of fireworks and Avery’s cry’s.
He wish he couldn’t hear him, his weeps.
Derek wished to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that he loved him, but it was wrong. He couldn’t tell another man he loved him.
not in that way at least. It was disgusting, he felt such attachment and attraction towards someone who he would never see again.
it’s not like he would ever be able to tell him, he was in his death bed, or chair, it didn’t matter.
”Avery…” Derek groaned out his window aimlessly, he knew he couldn’t hear him, he didn’t care.
”i love- it’s… it’s not your fault. you have a whole-“ the pain made it unbearable to speak, ”a whole life ahead of you, I don’t.”
He pushed his chair further over to the window and strained himself to look at the bursts of light in the sky.
Fireworks, fleeting stars in a smoky black sky. They were beautiful, like love, friendship, and whatever his life had come to be.
there was a gun somewhere in that room, he couldn’t bring himself to take it to his head. He wanted to stay a little longer even if it meant immeasurably agonizing pain.
if he could see Avery’s face for any longer that was all he needed.
a warm shoulder to lie his cold head on, but no warmth came.
the cold lingering like an open wound, spilling the warm blood out into the frozen air. Leaving him to rot in his own skin.
his head felt like it was about to explode but he couldn’t scream, his lungs couldn’t move and his throat tightened.
He wished he could have told Avery how beautiful he was.
that night two died, although only one stopped breathing.
As Avery sobbed his death screen was replaced with a black one. it was gone, Derek was gone.
any artifact that Derek was ever there was gone.
in the sparks of the fireworks, he imagined what Derek could have looked like.
and be would see him one day, but not in the flesh.
one day, about a week after Derek’s death, he saw the church was full of funeral mourners.
curiosity got to him and he stepped up the first steps, the doors were open, and there were several photos at the front.
sobs and muffled cried blurred out the names of the dead, except for one,
“Derek Hutchins,” the funeral officiant’s words stuck out.
he couldn’t quite put his finger on it until he walked in.
he stepped to the side, and waited for the man to finish listing out the names of the victims, they had all died on new years, it wasn’t too strange.
people hid gunshots in the firework bursts.
but one cause of death stood out when he walked up to pay respects,
”passed due to an unknown reason”
It was under Derek’s name.
it had to be him, his image was an old picture form his college graduation.
he looked happy, he was beautiful.
Avery began to sob relentlessly. He still believed it was his fault, no words could change that unless it was from Derek’s mouth.
except that mouth was shut for good.
he fell to his knees and broke down, he loved him.
the feeling was reciprocated but he would never know it, the love of first sight.
and as he sobbed it almost felt as if he would feel Derek’s warm hands on his back, comforting him.
his tired mourning body yearned for Derek’s touch, his voice, anything. As he weeped in regret of his own actions he thought of what could’ve happened that night.
They could have died together, so nobody would grieve but themselves.
Avery’s immediate family didn’t care about him, and his friends gave up on him after they got to know him. And there was nobody at Derek’s photo but Avery.
Why was he crying over a soul he never heard the voice of? A soul of a man he would never meet face to face?
The fireworks would still shoot off on new years the next year. Avery would see Derek’s reflection in every one.
He could almost feel the shove that he got from Derek’s hand in that stupid game,
“Avery, what’s in your inventory?”