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The words came out of her mouth before she could properly edit them. “I’m late.”
Theo blinked at her in surprise. He was standing in the doorway of his house, barefooted and bare chested, wearing red plaid pajama bottoms. “Oh shit,” he said eloquently.
She elbowed her way into the house and threw her purse on the couch. “I went to a healer and she said the results were inconclusive.” She reached into the purse and pulled out an unused pregnancy test. “Thank God for drugstores and plastic.”
He looked ridiculous gaping at her. In shock, he lost all of his beauty, becoming all forehead and veins. That just increased her affection towards him, she realized. “Thank you for telling me?” he said.
“Did you think I wouldn’t?” she felt wounded, that he thought she wouldn’t have the class to do so.
“No, not at all,” he said. “Erm – the lavatory’s the next room on the right.”
Jane realized she’d never been at Theo’s house for a long enough time to use the restroom, let alone see what it was really like in there. Two words came to mind as she locked the door and set about following the tiny paper sheaf of instructions; hotel chic. Everything was black or white or well-appointed but sterile. As she set the test and then the timer on her phone, she ruefully wished he were sterile.
She washed her hands and walked to the kitchen table, where Theo was still sitting, staring at a mug of..pumpkin spice latte? This early in the morning? “Would you like something?” he asked.
“No,” she said, settling down across from him. “My stomach has been in knots for two weeks.”
Theo leaned forward in his chair, eyes piercing her,. “Have you been having other symptoms?” he worried. “Jane, you should have told me…”
“I’m nauseous all the time because I’m in a high pressure job,” she told him. “My period has never been regular. The two month mark is..,troubling.”
“Theo, I don’t want to have a baby right now.” There. She’d said it. Theo took a deep breath as if she’d stepped on his toe, but after letting the words settle between them.
“All right,” he said, and slicked back his hair with a push of his hand. “Your body, however the fucking slogan goes…”
“I...it wouldn’t be an easy choice for me if I am,” she said quickly. “With someone else, it would be easier. Much easier.” She sat down at the edge of the bed and he followed, tucking his hands upon his lap like a schoolboy.
“It sounds as if you’ve made this choice before?” he asked.
No need to hide something she wasn’t ashamed of. Jane let out a huff of a sigh. "It was at St. Michaels’, actually. Third year."
He balanced his chin in his palm, watching her intently. She thought of how often they’d made much better use of a bed like this, but pushed away the inappropriate notion. "God. Was it that dickhead Aaron?"
She winced. "Well, he was the only man I dated then...I don't believe you noticed..."
"I noticed," he said.
"You were the king of that quad and you remember who Plain Jane was dating?"
"Yes. You were unforgettable even when you were infuriating me."
She cleared her throat. "He was one of those traditionalists, you know. Wanted me to quit school and live in his parent's cottage in Devon and have ten children - be the shy girl behind the throne. I loathed it. When I told him I wasn't about to give up my studies or marry that early, he used a charm to subvert my protection spell and then I started throwing up in the morning." She shrugged. "It was a simple enough to counter it. Nannies and aunties have been using it for centuries, passing it down. A wave of the hand. 'where whence there was two heartbeats, let there be one.' He was so confused when I never told him I was pregnant. I broke up with him between years. Graduated and never saw him again." She peered over at Theo. "That's what happened."
Theo reached across the space. Then he pressed his palm to her belly - just touching her gently. "My brave, brave Jane."
Jane knew this about herself, knew she had little fear and that was the problem with her; but she smiled to hear Theo say it aloud. "In case you couldn’t tell, I'm very selective about who I give my control up to." She lay flat on the bed then, rolled over onto her stomach. God, she needed to sleep - just a few more hours and she could go back out into the world and do what must be done. Theo moved his hand to the middle of her back and rolled onto his own belly.
"We haven't talked about it, have we? Children. And now we’re being forced to." It was an open-ended statement that put no pressure on her. She thought, then, of the Deschamps legacy - his fight with his father.
"I’d thought it was a bit early for that," she said. Well, not anymore.
"I know," he said. "And if you’re not...I will never fail to protect you. I’ve been lazy with my spellwork, and..."
That said, she stared at the ceiling. She couldn't quite meet his eyes now - flustered, as she had been before, when she was nominally direct in all matters. "I refused to be pregnant by him," she said. "But you and I..."
This was different. He didn't pursue the topic further. Nothing else needed to be said.
At that, the alarm attached to her phone went off.
Theo reached over and squeezed her hand before she got up to check on the test. She took her time. Studied it twice. Then let out a long, deep breath before throwing it away.
“Negative,” she told him, emerging at last.
Theo took the words in with a slight nod, rubbing his upper arm as she joined him in bed. “That’s...good, right? What we both want?”
“What I was hoping for,” she admitted. “We’ve been lovers for three months, Theo, don’t pout at me like that…”
“I know,” he said. “But the possibility of it – I have to admit the idea of a little you running around is awfully lovely.”
“What about the idea of a little you?”
He kissed the top of her head. “The universe wouldn’t be that cruel to you,” he teased.
***
Jane’s period arrived with a vengeance a day later. Theo was kind to the point of being cloying, buying her pads and bringing her steak and chocolate.
They lay about after work, watching comedies, with her head on his forearm. And as they drifted through the quiet night, Jane reconsidered what she’d told him.
She wouldn’t have had Aaron’s baby.
But Theo’s….well. She wouldn’t mind being surprised.