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Clack-clack.
A canteen rattled against a carabiner buckled to his rucksack.
Clack- clack.
Wind burst dust into his eyes and mouth, making any attempt to talk a struggle. It whistled past his ears and pressed the stunted trees towards clumps of dried grass. Unending plains of cracked soil and shrubs.
“You’d need to buy each other dinner after this,” their driver had quipped as they had climbed the back of the pick-up to squeeze in between shapeless forms covered with dark green-brown tarp.
“Don’t get too many ideas though – the road ahead might be bumpy,“ he had added, and Caleb should have known he couldn’t have trusted the flash of his smile.
They hadn’t served together – the soldier was part of the Ground Force patrolling the furthest lying archipelago of Skyhaven. A friend of a friend from Deepspace Academy whom Caleb had approached through the encrypted channel.
The road, impassable to civilian vehicles, turned out to be a continuous series of bumps, each of them sending jolts up his spine. Moreover, neither of them could stretch their legs as boxes of provision pressed against their knees.
And yet, Caleb smiled lopsidedly towards the sun.
Ha, jokes on the man - he didn’t know they had already bought dinner for each other. A few times.
Xavier’s shoulder was a warm weight against his. He didn’t need to dart a glance at him to know that the man slept, leaning against the metal ramp in the convoy car rattling through rugged terrain of borderlands.
Yet, squinting against the wind, he glanced. For a moment, he just watched, some unnamed emotion tickling his throat.
It still felt like seeing something he wasn’t supposed to see.
No matter how, at the first glance, approachable Xavier looked, with his white hoodies and tousled hair, and that air of carefree calm, once one tried to pass beyond the stage of his blank politeness, one would find nothing to hold on.
Xavier would answer questions in a way that made you answer them instead of him; he would hum, say something mildly out of pocket, and before you knew it, he would walk away without you knowing any better.
When Caleb asked his sister about his work partner, she said she was older than he looked, and lived for a very long time alone.
It almost felt like - Xavier watched others through glass, half-step retreated to his own world – or maybe some other time?
Burdened by time, nonsensically came to his mind.
Good thing Caleb’s expertise was manipulation of gravity, another part of his brain supplied.
The wind tore away his snort. Riiiight, that almost sounded as if he knew what he was doing.
His gaze slid to the bushes with twisted branches. Did they seem to be getting bigger?
Tilting his head back, he took a deep breath.
Ah. The smell of air had shifted. The dryness gave way to smell of damp soil and something on the verge of rot – smell of water.
It meant they were approaching river. This, in turn, meant mountains.
Once again, he went through the list in his head.
GPS device, headlamps, the first-aid kit. Sleeping bags, rainwear, a water filter. Just in case, the altimeter watch in addition to Xavier’s Hunter’s watch. Multi-tool knives, rope and the stove. The telescope.
He leaned back , and drummed his fingers against his thigh.
Somehow it was ...weird. To discover excitement at the pit of his stomach.
How long was it since the last camping trip that wasn’t a recon mission? How long was it since he could get properly lost in the vastness of plains and rocks, his muscles burning and sweat sticking to his nape? Relying solely on his body and a few tools?
It was weird. He didn’t know why.
Usually, he would be busy rechecking inventory, planning next steps, and giving directions to his subordinates, or smearing sunscreen over his sister.
He didn’t know what to do with…this.
Once again, his gaze slid to the man beside him.
Caleb knew that Xavier didn’t mind physical exertion – but it rarely was his goal in itself. For him, it was just a means to an end – defeating Wanderers or enjoying the breeze in a park. Caleb thought that at the end of the day the hunter preferred to get lost in books and late-night talks than in wilderness with dirt under his nails and sun scorching down on him.
Nevertheless, he had once told him about trekking through unknown territory alone for months.
Even with his sister – and the army-mandated therapist could go and on about their and Caleb’s codependency – they had never been on a camping trip lasting longer than a weekend.
Caleb knew she wouldn’t enjoy it as much as he did.
The tarp rustled as he shuffled his feet. He didn’t know what to think about any of it.
Why did Xavier propose this trip?
The driver’s shout cut into his thoughts. His head jerked up just when a shadow of the mountain rising ahead of them fell over them.
The engine revved down, car slowing, and Xavier stirred beside him.
“Be here in a week,“ the soldier said a few minutes later, ground hard under their feet and rucksacks heavy on their backs. “I don’t want to regret letting two space cadets wander there pointlessly. Did you even have a proper training beside pushing some buttons and walking straight in line?”
Despite himself, Caleb’s lips stretched into a grin. Of course. How could soldiers of Farspace Fleet and Ground Force pass each other without spitting some shit, good-naturedly or not?
“Weeell, we can also sleep while floating in the air,“ he drawled. He didn’t bother to correct the man that Xavier wasn’t in fact soldier, but a hunter. Not that it mattered – he was certain the hunter had served somewhere before. Caleb knew a veteran when he saw one. “And then drop a thousand meters to cover your slowly advancing ass.”
At that, their driver laughed and climbed back into the pick-up truck. “Alright then. Enjoy your hike.”
“Your premium model of T-9 will be waiting for you at home,” Caleb casually saluted the back of the car in thanks. “If you don’t get lost yourself.”
The driver flipped him off through the open window, and soon, the truck disappeared in a cloud of dust.
The shrublands stretched behind them and a rocky slope, slowly ascending, in front of them.
Behind it, lay the most remote geographical point of Skyhaven archipelago. In the era of rapid technological advance, the furthest point from light pollution.
Adjusting the strap of his backpack, Caleb glanced at the man beside him.
Xavier let his gaze wander over the horizon ridged with uneven mountain tops, his expression unreadable, shoulders loose - seemingly just as at ease as at home, as with vision of mountain trek with uncharted trail.
With the army truck long gone, it hit Caleb how quiet it was. Rock walls surrounding them seemed to swallow sounds, muffle them and close them in a bowl-like valley.
Just the two of them and a week of rock, sand, and barely there plants.
What would he say if it was Pipsqueak?
‘Oi, Pip, chin up, or should my Evol help you?’
‘Where is your cap? Looking for a heat stroke, or dust to suit your complexion?’
Instead, his arm moved on his own to wrap around Xavier’s shoulders. In the next beat, he nuzzled into his neck. Or tried to, as much as their bags let him.
“Do you want me to carry the telescope for you?” he found himself muttering lowly.
At that, he felt Xavier jerk slightly, as if just now snapping out of his thoughts.
“What do you mean? Why?” The man asked evenly, tilting his head towards him.
He almost flushed at that.
Why indeed.
The man was perfectly capable of carrying his own part of their gear.
He straightened and cleared his throat. “I’m not sure you’re actually that much into hiking, are you? I don’t want you to complain to my sister how you got a shorter stick out of our trip. It’s only fair.”
Which was of course the ridiculous thing to say. When Caleb thought about it, Xavier rarely complained about anything – whether he burnt another dish, or bled out, he did it with almost cheerful stoicism. That was another scary thing about him.
At that, the hunter’s eyebrows rose. “I thought I made it clear by now that I’m very much into seeing you getting sweaty and winded,“ he said matter-of factly.
“Ohoho, is that sooo, Xav?” Laughter and heat rose up his throat. How – the way Xavier could say the bluntest – or most embarrassing things - with the blankest face, still took him off guard. Caleb was used to be the one teasing, not – whatever it was. “Watching the conjuction was only an excuse to ogle me? Too baaad, I exercise too much to get that easily winded. I’m not sure about you, though, Mr. Hunter.”
Blue eyes glistened under wind-swept hair. “That sounds like a challenge. Hopefully, my Evol might even help me to not get lost."
Before Caleb could huff a laugh at that - what was Xavier doing pretending he would have any difficulty with that? - paper rustled as the hunter pulled out a map.
“Do you want to navigate?”
Something in the careful way he asked it, head ducked to look at the map, as if it didn’t matter – hit Caleb straight into chest.
Ah.
Slight breeze ruffled his hair.
He had forgotten there were two of them. Two of them trying to make it work.
The thing is, if Caleb had ever thought about who he would end up dating, he wouldn’t have come up with the image of Xavier Shen. Not at all.
No one had pictured them together – not the soldier ribbing them with low-key homophobic jokes, not his sister or Gideon and Zayne, or Jeremiah, or -
They hadn’t an immediate chemistry, nor were they an obvious choice for each other.
Whenever he had thought about his future , he imagined himself repairing a wobbly table leg for Gran or learning to knit a different sweater pattern for Pipsqueak.
He didn’t imagine himself wishing to stretch his care over someone new.
Someone so used to passing time on his own, that no matter the situation, Xavier’s first instinct never was to turn to someone. Someone living in his own world of music, books, cats and other little joys – at the first glance, oddly carefree and mild-mannered. Self-sufficient and deadly underneath it all.
Yes, Xavier could sometimes lose his old-fashioned keys, have bad sleep or eating habits – but these things were superficial, and didn’t scratch the surface of his essence. No, at his core, he didn’t actually need Caleb for anything. Not really. He had years of surviving and thriving on his own on him.
And big dummy Caleb, stupidly, didn’t read the signs and fell for him. Now, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do about any of it.
What was his role, exactly?
What one was supposed to do when someone didn’t need you – but just wanted, instead?
“Or we can navigate by stars. Do it like in the old days,” Xavier added.
And Caleb's chest expanded. Something settled in him.
He laughed. "Missing them already? Or are you just looking for an excuse for another nap?"
He pulled on the map in Xavier's hands. "I'm navigating then."
Unexpectedly, Xavier held on the edge of it. "Do you think you will manage to look up sometimes?"
His gaze was straightforward, warm, and a tad challenging.
Caleb shuffled his feet.
Apparently, somewhere, in spite of it all, they wove a thread of understanding.
Xavier had heard his unspoken Let me sometimes do things for you, even if you don’t need it.
And apparently, Caleb had answered to his Let me see parts of you, parts, you don’t want others to see.
Just like two planets, rounded by their own gravity, aligning in space into one line. Millions of light-years apart, yet for one night creating an image of double star.
Their hands still touched over the map.
Cloudless sky reflected in Xavier’s eyes.
"I see you just fine," Caleb murmured.
He wasn’t sure who closed the space between them. He just felt Xavier smile against his lips before curling a hand around his neck and deepening the kiss – and mountains around them rumbled, and his blood sang with thrill of stepping into something new.
Together.