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Maurice never wanted some massive, dramatic coming out. He just wanted to say it once and get on with his life.
So when Jack was round for a sleepover, the pair of them slouched on the sofa playing Fortnite, Maurice figured it was as good a time as any.
“Jack,” he said casually, eyes still on the screen, “I’m gay.”
Jack snorted. “Shut up, man.”
“I’m serious.”
“Yeah, alright,” Jack laughed, still button-mashing.
Maurice glanced over. “I’m serious, I fancy blokes, you idiot.”
That finally made Jack pause. His thumbs stopped moving over the controller, and he turned properly this time.
“Wait.” He blinked. “You’re actually gay?”
Maurice suddenly became very aware of his own heartbeat. “Yeah.”
Jack turned off the game, tossing his controller onto the coffee table. “Nah, you’re taking the piss.”
“I’m not.”
Maurice wasn’t really sure what reaction he’d expected. Maybe awkward silence. Maybe Jack pretending he never heard it. Maybe a weird joke and then moving on.
What he didn’t expect was the questions.
“So… how d’you know?”
Maurice glanced over, caught off guard by how curious he sounded. “Dunno. Just always have, I guess.”
“But how?”
Maurice laughed nervously, tugging at the collar of his Nike shirt. “I just never really fancied girls like that.”
Jack frowned slightly, thinking about it.
For a second, Maurice thought that was the end of it.
It wasn’t.
“So you actually wanna snog guys?”
Maurice shrugged. “Yeah. Sometimes.”
Jack looked down at his joggers, then back at him. “That’s mental. You don’t even act gay.”
Maurice barked out a laugh. “What does that even mean?”
“I dunno, like…” Jack gestured vaguely. “You’re just normal. Masculine.”
“Cheers.”
“You know what I mean.”
Maurice shook his head, smiling despite himself.
Jack went quiet again before asking, more carefully this time, “So like… when you fancy a guy, is it the same as it would be if you were to have a crush on a girl?”
“Pretty much.”
“You get nervous around ‘em?”
“Yeah.”
“Think about kissing ‘em?”
Maurice groaned. “Fucking hell, Jack.”
“I’m asking!” The blond shot back defensively.
“Yeah.”
“Touching them?”
The brunette shifted a bit, “uhm, sometimes.”
Jack picked at a loose thread on his sleeve. “Right. You into Roger?"
Maurice felt his eyes widen as he leaned over with a laugh. “Aye, what?”
He met Jack’s gaze. The blond looked serious.
“Roger’s handsome,” Maurice settled on. “As my mate though. I’m not attracted to him.”
There was a brief silence.
“Who was the first guy you liked? The first one you wanted to kiss?”
Maurice raised an eyebrow. “Why d’you care so much?”
“Just curious.”
Maurice studied him for a second before shrugging. “Dunno, I guess my first real crush was back in 9th year.”
“What made you like him?”
Maurice leaned back into the sofa cushions, thinking. “Wasn’t anything massive. I just… enjoyed being around him. Got stupidly happy when he would talk to me. Got jealous when he paid more attention to other people.” He smiled faintly. “Heart did that embarrassing fast thing whenever he walked into the room.”
Jack didn't say anything.
“And then eventually,” Maurice continued quietly, “I realised I wanted to kiss him.”
Jack swallowed.
“Being gay isn’t lustful, you know,” Maurice explained. “Like you said, we fancy blokes the way you do girls. It’s the same desires, just for the same gender instead. And we’re not attracted to every guy we meet.”
“Right.”
The brunette glanced sideways at him. “You alright?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure?”
The blond shrugged, staring hard at the floor now. “Just weird hearing someone actually say it out loud.”
Maurice’s stomach tightened slightly. “You ever…” He hesitated. “You ever think maybe you might be?”
Jack immediately scoffed. “Nah.”
But he said it too quickly.
Maurice didn’t push.
Jack rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Wouldn’t matter anyway.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Another shrug.
“My dad would lose his mind,” Jack muttered eventually. “And church would be even worse.”
Maurice looked over at him.
Jack kept his eyes fixed on the carpet.<
“Do..” The shorter boy started before rephrasing, “are you experiencing anything? Anything from the things you asked me?”
Jack bit his lip. “Like…maybe. I don’t know. It’s so weird. And gross.”
Maurice’s heart dropped.
Jack quickly looked up. “Not you! You—it’s fine. I don’t think you’re gross.”
“But you think of yourself that way?”
Jack didn’t speak.
“What is it that you’re feeling? The… touching,” he cringed at the words, “desires? Or the jealous, heart beating ones?” Prompted Maurice.
“Neither.” Jack denied stiffly.
“Okay.”
“Who’s the bloke?” The blond finally asked, meeting his gaze again, voice so quiet it was almost inaudible. “From your story. The one in 9th year.”
Maurice laughed, hands playing with the ends of his shorts. “Just a mate.”
“You still fancy him?”
“Sometimes I think I do.”
“That’s cool.”
The brunette could hear it in the way he spoke. That he understood. The knowing look on his face as he stared into his eyes told Maurice everything.
Without waiting for verbal confirmation, as if hearing it aloud was too much, Jack leaned forward and pecked Maurice on the lips with such haste the brunette almost didn’t register it.
When he leaned back, he stared at Maurice expectantly, eyes scanning his face in an attempt to read what he was thinking.
Maurice just smiled. “You don’t need to figure it all out right now,” he comforted.
Jack bit his lip anxiously, shoulders relaxing slightly.
“So,” the brunette laughed, nodding towards the blank television. “Fancy another round?”
Jack grinned, grabbing his controller and nudging Maurice in the chest. “Obviously.”