Chapter Text
During another sleepless night, full of tossing and turning in a bed that felt too small for either; Loonac eventually gave in to his urges and rolled the blanket off of himself and stretched, checking the clock, as if it'd go back in time.
It was still 3AM.
It had only been 20 minutes since his last check.
He groaned from annoyance, before finally getting up. He didn't have anything planned for the next day— or more accurately, that day— which was probably for the best, as he now knew half of the following day would be spent sleeping.
The moonlight peering down through the hole in the ceiling of his base felt especially alluring, and now with a new goal in mind, he groggily grabbed his elytra from where it was hung above his bed. Despite not being able to fall asleep, every action felt just a bit off due to the drowsiness— the way he fastened the straps on his elytra, the way he slid his feet into his netherite boots or the way he put on his helmet.
He got to fly up soon enough, with the whistle of a rocket and specks of gunpowder following close behind him, and the thrill of air woke up any remaining attempts he had in him to sleep. It was a full moon, the ground under him was illuminated beautifully, as if the whole server had been lit up with torches. Suddenly he felt a bit of gratitude towards the fact he couldn't fall asleep, this view alone felt like it was worth a whole night times worth of sleep.
Elytra gliding wasn't exactly his expertise, but Loonac couldn't deny how therapeutic it felt to look at the biomes rapidly passing by, glimpses of the thick forests, mountains, lush fields. His late night endeavor still ended up having a problem, once he was fully out of his drowsy stupor and finally took a longer look at his supplies, he noticed just how low his rocket count was; oh fuck him, he forgot to pack extra, what was that about being as safe as possible with everything—
In an attempt to push his grievances aside, he swiftly made an emergency landing down, next to a shallow lake right by a gorgeous overgrown forest. It wasn't exactly his planned destination, and he wasn't one to like swimming, but he supposed it'd work nicely for a nice stress-relieving walk, maybe get his mind off of everything that's happened as of late. He began slowly making his way around the large lake, the calming moonlight bouncing off of its surface nicely, making for a pleasing view.
The illuminated waters did remind him of Nufuli, and how easy he makes swimming seem; how the water seems to almost propel him forward with how fast he manages to glide in it, the way his eyes shine after a nice dip; how it practically rejuvenates him. Loonac slightly envied how natural swimming seemed to come to Nufuli, but Loonac found a special kind of solace in how the snow welcomed him as well, and he wouldn't have given that up for anything if given the chance.
Nufuli did like to joke about how ice and water are practically the same at the end of the day. How it's simply water in another state, just tougher and more cold, and that that was actually how they came to grow into such close friends. Loonac understood his point, and entertained the thought whenever it was brought up, maybe let out a chuckle or told him to shut up if he was feeling like it.
But a part of him felt dissonant when thinking about the comparison. Strangely, a part of him felt dissonant to the idea of them even being friends— which also felt stupid, he knew he appreciated Nufuli's company, and how he'd have practically nothing without him, yet whenever any of their conversations came to who they are, or how similar their lives are, or appearance, or just simple things relating to—
Loonac grimaced and stopped walking. His jaw had clenched somewhere along the thought.
Abruptly leaving the walk aside, he found himself settling on sitting on the cold grass, facing the water. If his mind was already going that direction, he can try this again.
There was another thing about Nufuli that Loonac could say he was jealous over, especially in this context.
It was the sheer freedom Nufuli found from the water. The pressure of the water against his body always felt so constricting to Loonac, so suffocating for reasons besides just drowning. The feeling of not being able to move his limbs properly was always uncomfortable to him, and he hated it.
Loonac mentally braced himself, before he finally looked down at his reflection and was met with the figure thats always looked back at him just the same.
An insistent urge came to look away, to avoid its gaze in any way.
He couldn't move his limbs. But his eyes darted off to the side by themselves. Loonac forced himself to look again.
Somehow, it looked slightly different everytime he looked at it. A new detail always stuck out to him, whether it be his hair that always felt either too long or too short or his shoulders that were too broad or too narrow or a part of his face that looked strangely unfamiliar, as if his consciousness was stuck inside a foreign body, like a bad dream. No matter how hard he tried, no counter-thoughts appeased the sinking feeling he felt in his chest everytime he was forced to confront his own appearance- or how people perceived him because of it.
Loonac didn't even think he found himself ugly per se, if it belonged to another person he most likely would have found his looks nice, but he could not bring himself to connect it to himself as a person.
He wasn't even sure who he was anymore, the question tormented him the longer he lingered on this topic.
Maybe he was just Nufuli's sidekick. Maybe that's all that Loonac was, and he didn't have to think about it further than that. Maybe this was the best fate for him, to not be perceived at all by anyone, and simply remain as a shadow behind Nufuli, who seemed so confident and stubborn in how he presented himself to everyone.
In an attempt to wave those thoughts away for the time being, Loonac let himself absently splash the water around. It caused ripples in the reflection, distorting it until it felt unrecognizable. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, repeating the motion of swirling the water with his hands, watching the moonlight glimmer in the reflection.
After a while, Loonac flew back to the base with the remainder of his rockets, just barely able to make it back without having to walk.
He rubbed his eyes dry, calmly combed his hair that was starting to get maybe a bit too long, but he didn't want to admit that, and he settled back into bed after finally changing his now slightly wet clothes to a nice handmade dressing gown- that felt comfortably flowy, compared to his usual outfit.
And he fell soundly asleep.