Archive of Our Own

rachel @reallyrach
shayden & marlanov being neighbors is sooo funny like wdym i just saw marly and rozy getting jimmy johns with hollander 😭😭 i think pike’s wife was there too lmfaooo i love nyc 

--

Shane is on the couch, reviewing game tape, tuning out whatever dumb show Hayden’s watching, and the door slams open. Shane looks up, hoping it’s Ilya. 

“Ugly Naked Guy is moving!” Cliff Marleau declares. 

“Hello to you too, Marleau,” Shane says dryly, pausing his tape. He can already tell he won’t be getting back to it anytime soon. 

“Yeah, ‘sup, Hollander,” Marleau says. Then he turns to Hayden. “Did you hear me? He’s moving!”

“Yay,” Hayden says. “Maybe you won’t have to look at someone’s bare ass whenever you take a smoke break anymore. Good for you. Also, why are you barging into our apartment at eleven in the morning on our one day off to tell us this?”

Marleau looks at Hayden like he’s had too many concussions. 

“Uh, because you’re looking for a place to live? Last I checked? And now there’s an empty apartment literally across the street? Probably similar price range to this one, and you already know the commute is good?” He doesn’t add a “dumbass” to the end of it, but it’s implied. Hayden shoots to his feet. 

“Shit, you’re right! How many bedrooms does it have? Where’s Jackie?” 

“Working,” Shane and Marleau say together. 

“Oh, yeah. Wait, are you sure he’s moving?” 

“Come see,” Marleau says. Shane puts his laptop aside and gets up to follow them across the hall. 

Ilya, Svetlana, and Marleau’s apartment is bigger than Shane and Hayden’s. It used to be decorated nicer, too, until Jackie moved in about a year ago and completely transformed the living room and kitchen. Shane doesn’t know a lot about interior design, but his mom had thanked Jackie profusely and extensively the first time she saw it, so he guesses it must’ve been pretty bad before. 

But he’s pretty sure Svetlana is cheating by using the massive windows and balcony to do most of the heavy lifting of the decor in their apartment. The whole place is airy and bright, with breezy curtains and plush couches. Svetlana and Ilya are both standing by the big window, right where they can see directly into the high-rise next door and into Ugly Naked Guy’s apartment. 

“Look,” Marleau says. “He’s packing his shit up.”

“Maybe he’s going on vacation,” Hayden says, clearly in denial that the possibility of the literal dream apartment might actually be going on the market. 

“Use your head, Pike,” Ilya scoffs as Hayden and Shane slot themselves in to see out the window. And yeah, there’s Ugly Naked Guy, still as naked as the day he was born, surrounded by boxes and loading his kitchen into an oversized plastic tote. 

“Oh,” Hayden says. 

“Do those boxes say clothes?” Shane asks. Ilya, next to him, laughs. Their hands brush. Every time Shane’s come over to Ilya’s apartment--which isn’t that much, just to watch hockey games if neither of them are playing, or to eat brunch, or have game night, or help Svetlana pick out what to wear for a date, or to help unload groceries--and seen Ugly Naked Guy through the window, tottering around in his own apartment, he’s been without a stitch of clothing on him. Hence the nickname. 

“Do you think he’s always naked, or is it a curse of the apartment?” Svetlana asks. 

“Yes, maybe Pike will be the new ugly naked guy,” Ilya jeers. 

“Shut up,” Hayden says. Shane glances at him. He’s got his face nearly pressed to the window, clearly looking around at that apartment with a new light in his eyes. “Do you think if we go over right now, I’ll be the first applicant? Dibs, or something?”

“You should probably talk to Jackie first,” Shane says, thinking of a thousand ideas that Hayden’s had that he thought was a good idea until Jackie heard about it. Plus, this idea came from Cliff Marleau, so. 

“I just want to express interest, not sign a lease,” Hayden says. “Oh, living there would be awesome. Do you think it’s a two bedroom?” 

“Can you even afford a two bedroom? The Metros pay you that much?” Ilya asks. Shane swats his hand. Ilya swats back. 

“Go to hell, Rozanov,” Hayden says. “Well, there’s no time like the present. Come on, Shane.”

“Fine,” Shane says. He unpeels from the window and follows Hayden out. Ilya and Marleau follow them like stray puppies, because of course they do. 

--

joey @joe_0784
sometimes after an absolutely devastating metros/raiders game i just remember that hollander and rozanov are literally neighbors…like do you think they ever fistfight in the elevator or something? genuinely their landlord must hate them

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When Shane first signed with the Metros, it just made more sense for him and Hayden to share an apartment in the city during the season. Shane has his own house in Ottawa, near his parents, for the summers, but it’s just easier to stay in the city, and it was easier, back when he and Hayden were rookies, to just live together. Especially in the middle of a big city, it’s kind of tradition in some teams for an older teammate to take a rookie under their wing, especially a rookie from across the ocean. So it’s not weird that Marleau took Ilya in, but it was a wild coincidence that his apartment happened to be across from Shane and Hayden’s. 

Hayden was pretty mad about living across from a competitor. Shane was too, at first. Marleau was one thing, but the last person he wanted living across the hall was Ilya Rozanov. 

But now, four years later, Shane doesn’t mind so much. And honestly, he doesn’t think Hayden minds that much, either, no matter how much bitching he does. 

About ten minutes after Jackie gets home, she, Hayden, and Svetlana are out the door to go check out the apartment. Shane and Ilya are on Ilya’s couch, playing video games, until Marleau excuses himself for some errands. 

And then Shane and Ilya are alone. 

“You know,” Shane says, eyes on the TV and his animated little hockey player. “I really hope this apartment thing works out for Hayden. He’s been searching for so long.”

“Whatever, Hollander, you just don’t want to share your apartment with two newborns,” Ilya says. His animated Cliff Marleau checks Shane’s animated Scott Hunter. Shane growls. 

“It’s not that,” he says, although truly he doesn’t have any desire to share an apartment with twin babies, no matter how much he loves Jackie and Hayden. “He’s just been searching for so long. He deserves a win, you know? And it would be nice to keep him close. I know you’d miss him if he moved far away.”

Animated Cliff Marleau skates into the boards as Ilya turns to stare at Shane, mouth open. Shane blinks innocently at him. Then animated Scott Hunter scores a goal, winning the game. 

“You did that on purpose,” Ilya accuses, throwing his controller aside. 

“What?” Shane says, putting his own controller down as Ilya crawls across the couch toward him. 

“Accusing me of missing Hayden Pike. Ha! You wish,” Ilya says, settling over Shane, his arms boxing him into the couch and his face lowering to Shane’s neck. Shane puts his arms around Ilya’s back to pull him closer. 

“Oh yeah,” he says, voice already annoyingly breathless after about three seconds of Ilya licking at his neck. “Maybe I did do that.”

Ilya growls and bites him. Shane grins at the ceiling. 

“That’s not why you want Hayden to move out,” Ilya says. Shane’s hand slides up his back and to his hair. 

“No?” he asks, his fingers tightening in Ilya’s curls. 

“No, I don’t think so,” Ilya purrs. “No, I think you want that apartment all to yourself, so you can get up to all kinds of naughty things, Hollander.”

“Who, me?” Shane says, his head rolling back and knocking on the arm of the couch. Ilya’s got one hand under Shane’s back, holding him close, but the other is sliding down Shane’s chest, his belly, under his shorts…

“I don’t--fuck, Ilya!--I don’t want the apartment all to myself,” Shane says. Ilya’s hand is touching him very lightly. Too lightly, in Shane’s opinion. He tightens his fingers in Ilya’s hair. Ilya groans. 

“You don’t?”

“No,” Shane says. “I just want Hayden out so I can put you in it.”

With that, Ilya lifts his head. Shane meets him in the middle for a kiss, and then another, and then another…

--

mon💜@metr0sgirl
everyone bitching in the comments of rozanov’s insta post needs to shut the fuck up of course his neighbors/coworkers would be at his party?? like just bc their teams play against each other doesn’t mean they can’t be friends or at least friendly be so fr rn

--

The apartment is nice. Really nice. Jackie is kind of impressed. Not that she doesn’t trust Hayden, but she was a little wary of Ugly Naked Guy’s taste. But there’s two bedrooms, an open kitchen, a big living room (with windows! Actual windows! She’s not sure who picked the apartment she lives in now, Shane or Hayden, but did the thought of natural lighting never occur to either of them? Honestly, Hayden must have picked it, because Jackie can’t imagine Yuna ever signing off on something like that), a big bathroom, and even soft, recently installed carpet in the living room. When Jackie looks around, she can imagine her two little babies here, in this apartment. 

“It’s so perfect, Hayd,” she tells her husband, grabbing at his hands. 

“And it’s right next door to the guys,” Hayden says. “Man. I really hope this works out.”

“The second bedroom is even big enough for two cribs,” Svetlana says, coming out from the hall. “We should make Ilya build them, he’s shit with tools.”

“No thank you, I want my babies to be safe,” Hayden sniffs. 

Svetlana puts her hands on her hips and looks around the living room. 

“Who would’ve thought Ugly Naked Guy had it in him?” she says, looking around. “This apartment is fantastic.”

“I know, right,” Jackie gushes. “Can’t you just imagine a couch along here, and a TV up there, and maybe a shelf over there for books and trophies?”

“Ooh, and maybe blue curtains? Those would match your couch,” Svetlana says. “Or are you getting a new couch?”

“I think we’re taking the couch,” Jackie says. 

“Hell yeah,” Hayden says, fist bumping. Shane and Hayden’s couch is basically the only thing Jackie kept in the living room when she moved in. That couch rocks. 

Hayden is lovely and wonderful, but still a hockey-headed boy, and so after another minute of talking decor with Svetlana, Hayden wanders away. Jackie moves closer to the windows, trying to determine if the curtain rods belong to Ugly Naked Guy or not, and oh, yeah! Across the way she can see straight into Svetlana’s apartment.

“Look, Sveta, it’s your apartment,” Jackie says. Obviously she knew she could look into this apartment from Svetlana’s, but she kind of forgot she would be able to look back. Pregnancy brain, probably. Across the way, Ilya passes the window, shirtless. Jackie lives with two hockey players and practically lives with two more, so shirtless men aren't out of the ordinary, but Ilya Rozanov is more shirtless than most. 

“Aww, it’s Ilya! Hi llya!” Jackie says, waving. 

“I don’t think he can hear you from all the way over there, babe,” Svetlana says, coming up next to her. 

“Aw, I know,” Jackie says. “But if he looks he’ll be able to see me.” She waves harder. Ilya stops by the window and Shane comes up. Also shirtless. Jackie’s hand falters. Shane isn’t usually walking around without a shirt on. 

He reaches out and puts his hands on Ilya’s hips, then tugs him closer, so their groins are pressed together. 

“Oh my god,” Jackie says, and Ilya and Shane are kissing. Not just kissing but licking into each other’s mouths like they want to devour each other. Last time Hayden kissed Jackie like that, she literally got pregnant. “Oh my god! Are you seeing this?!”

“I see it,” Svetlana says, and then she reaches for a curtain and pulls it across the window. 

“Shane and Ilya? They’re--they’re sleeping together? Is the world upside down?” Jackie asks, but somewhere in the back of her mind it makes sense. Sure, there’s the rivalry, and the media likes to say they hate each other, but she knows that’s never been true. Each of them are ridiculously good at hockey, and being two once-in-a-generation talents that happened to be drafted at the same time has made them closer together, rather than further apart. Shane loves Hayden, sure, but there’s something about Shane-and-Ilya that’s always been…singular. They’re a set, in some ways. Like salt and pepper. Hollander-and-Rozanov.

“The world isn’t upside down,” Svetlana says. “I’ve known about it for months.”

“Known about what?” Jackie says. So they aren’t--this isn’t the first time?

“They’ve been secretly sleeping around for a very long time, I think,” Svetlana says. “And Marly knows, too. But Hayden doesn’t know, and he probably shouldn’t.”

“Shouldn’t know what?” Hayden says, coming back into the room. Jackie shifts to the side, hoping the curtain covers up the whole window, and hoping Hayden won’t look out of it. 

Svetlana is right. Hayden won’t react well to this. 

It’s not that he’s homophobic! If it was literally any other guy Jackie doesn’t think it would be a big deal. But he’s kind of set in his ways, and he out of the four hockey players is most serious about staying in your own lane, with your own team. The most serious about the rivalry between the Metros and Raiders. 

And he’s kind of protective of Shane, and although he seems to be warming up to Ilya a little, he still wasn’t pleased when Jackie insisted on inviting him to the wedding. 

“Svetlana’s on her period,” Jackie blurts. Svetlana looks at her, betrayed, while Hayden makes a face like he might throw up. 

“You’re right, I shouldn’t know that,” he says. “Jeez.” He turns and leaves the room again, heading toward the front door.

“Sorry,” Jackie says. “I couldn’t tell him I was on my period.” She gestures at her slightly-rounded abdomen. 

“I know you meant it to distract him, but I literally am on my period,” Svetlana says. “And while I don’t give a shit who knows, any man who does know owes me chocolate.” 

“I’ll let Hayden know,” Jackie says, laughing. They walk away from the family room to follow Hayden out. Jackie’s ready to sign the lease, so hopefully they’ll bump into the landlord on the way out. 

--

ross @raiderzfan
I didn’t even know Hollander and Rozanov were neighbors until just now…That’s disrespectful to the sport and they should move away from each other. How are they supposed to maintain focus if they bump into each other taking their trash out or whatever?

--

In the lobby of their apartment building, Jackie and Svetlana bump into Cliff. 

“Hey, ladies,” he says, waving. 

“Get over here,” Svetlana says, waving him over to the couches in the corner. Jackie sits down. Cliff pouts. 

“I already called the elevator,” he says, but he’s already walking over. 

“Whatever,” Svetlana says dismissively. “Listen, Jackie knows about Ilyusha and Shane.” Cliff’s eyebrows go up, then down. He looks at Svetlana flatly. 

“Knows what? That they’re friends?” He over-emphasizes the word friends. Jackie can’t help but admire his commitment to his friends’ safety. 

“I just saw them making out from Ugly Naked Guy’s apartment,” Jackie says. 

“Oh,” Cliff says, shoulders falling. 

“How did you find out?” Jackie asks. “And how long have you known?”

“I walked in on them, kinda,” Cliff says, scrunching his face up. “I came home and they were going at it in Roz’s room. The door was sort of open, so I could hear everything. They didn’t see me, though. And that was a few weeks ago.”

“Okay,” Jackie says. She wonders how long they’ve been together. Does their relationship outlast her pregnancy? This year? Maybe even this season? She and Hayden went on vacation right before the season started, and both Shane and Ilya were back in New York when they got back. Maybe they got back earlier than they said and had some kind of connection while they were alone? “Sveta, how did you find out? And when?” 

“Well, remember when Shane went to LA to film that ad? And Ilya was out of town that same weekend?”

“Yes,” Jackie says. That was nearly four months ago, over Christmas. “Ilya said he had meetings.” He hadn’t elaborated past that. Jackie assumed he was doing something Russian. 

“Yeah, that was bullshit,” Svetlana says, rolling her eyes. “He went to LA with Shane. I don’t think he even left the hotel room.”

“And how did you find this out?” Jackie asks.

“Dumbass didn’t turn off his location,” Cliff says gleefully. Jackie’s hand flies up to cover her mouth. They’re so stupid!

But the only person who has Ilya’s location is Svetlana, and what did she do with his secret? Keep it for four months and counting? Maybe they’re not so stupid. 

“So they don’t know that we know?” Jackie asks. 

“Yes,” Svetlana says. 

“We should tell them,” Jackie says. “I mean, enough of us know. Obviously they don’t have to post rainbows on Instagram, but they don’t need to sneak around us. They’ve been hiding this for at least four months, if not probably longer.”

“Well, yeah, but it might be just physical,” Cliff argues. “There might not be anything to tell. I don’t tell you when I have a regular hookup. And you don’t kiss and tell, either, V. You know what it’s like.” Svetlana shrugs. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she says. “There’s no way it’s just physical. Have you seen how they look at each other?” 

At first, Jackie doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but then she remembers that second before they kissed, the way Shane was smiling. And then a thousand other times she’s seen Shane and Ilya look at each other echo back through her head. 

“Oh,” she says. 

“Exactly,” Svetlana says. 

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cliff complains.

“That’s because you’re an animal,” Svetlana says, waving her hand. 

“So we tell them? That we know, and we support them?” Jackie says. 

“No, I don’t think so,” Svetlana says. “I think that we know, and they don’t know that we know. So we should take the opportunity to mess with them a little.”

“What do you mean?” Jackie asks. 

“I mean, when they lie and say they’re doing laundry and instead are fucking in the shower, we should give them laundry to do.”

“That would be fucking hilarious,” Cliff says. 

“No, it wouldn’t!” Jackie says. “Why would we do that?”

“For revenge,” Svetlana says, shrugging. “For making me deal with their bedroom eyes for the last three years.” 

“But they have a good reason to keep it secret,” Jackie protests. 

“I don’t know why Ilya likes you so much, Jackie Pike,” Svetlana says. “You are boring.” Jackie wants to protest that she’s not boring, but then the elevator door opens across the lobby and Shane comes out, holding a bag of trash. He spots them and waves before heading to the trash room. 

“See? Here is my chance,” Svetlana says, and she gets up from the couch. Mostly curious, Jackie stands up too. When Shane comes out of the trash room, Svetlana slides right up to him. 

“Hey, Shane,” she says. “That jacket looks really good on you.”

“Oh? D-does it?” Shane asks. Svetlana reaches her hand out to touch his arm. Jackie has a horrible feeling where this is going. 

“Yes, it’s so soft,” she says. “Oh, hello, biceps. I love hockey players. You work out so much.”

“Yeah, I mean,” Shane says. “Kind of part of the job.”

Svetlana giggles. Shane looks a little constipated. When Jackie glances at Cliff, his jaw is on the floor. 

“Is something…wrong?” Shane asks. Jackie is pretty sure he’s contemplating fleeing the apartment, possibly forever. 

“Well, if you really want to know…oh, I can’t tell you.”

“Okay,” Shane says. He pats her hand, still on his arm. “You don’t have to.”

“Well, if you insist,” Svetlana says. She grins. It’s kind of like watching a car crash, Jackie thinks. You just can’t look away, no matter how much you might desperately want to. “It’s just been so long since I’ve been with a guy. You know even Ilyusha isn’t putting out anymore?” She pouts. “Sometimes you’re looking for something and you don’t even see that it’s right in front of you until you see it walking by, carrying the trash. Oops, have I said too much?” 

The elevator door dings. Svetlana slips inside. “Something to think about,” she says, and the doors slide closed. Shane is bright red. 

He turns and runs to the stairwell. The door slams shut behind him. 

“If V is so pent up, I’ll sleep with her,” Cliff says, nobly. Jackie sighs and presses the elevator button, wishing her neighbors were anyone but the fucking Raiders.

--

replying to @raiderzfan
rachel @reallyrach
are you stupid? what does being neighbors have to do with playing hockey 😭 

--

Shane bursts into his room, mind fuzzy and legs kind of sore from sprinting up twelve flights of stairs. He stops and curls over himself, grabbing at his hair. 

What was that? What was that, why would she…was she serious? Why does she think he would want…should he want? Svetlana is very beautiful, probably, and if Ilya likes her…but why would she…but he’s just…just him, and he doesn’t…why would she…

His head is filled with static and he’s panting onto the carpet. And there’s a voice, and a hand on his back. Grounding.

“Shh, shh, Shane, breathe. Breathe, sweetheart.” Exaggerated breath in, exaggerated breath out. Exaggerated breath in…

Shane inhales. He breathes along with Ilya. Once he’s sure he can breathe again, he tips over against Ilya’s chest, letting him hold him up. Ilya doesn’t complain, just settles more comfortably on the floor, wraps his arms more securely around Shane’s shoulders. A hand finds Shane’s hair, petting him softly.

“What happened, моя любовь?” 

“Just now, in the lobby, Svetlana was…flirting with me?” Shane says. Saying it out loud makes it sound more unbelievable. Ilya’s hand stills.

“Sveta? My Sveta? Flirting with you?”

“Yes?”

“Are you sure?”

“Uh,” Shane thinks back over the encounter. “No?”

“My sweet little bunny, I highly doubt that Sveta would flirt with you,” Ilya says. 

“Why not?” Shane asks, twisting his head to look up at Ilya. God, he’s so beautiful, even when he looks kind of like he’s trying not to laugh at him. 

“Obviously she is insane to think this,” Ilya says. “But you are not her type. Trust me. Her type is guys who are like me, not guys who are like you.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Ilya leans down and kisses between Shane’s eyebrows. 

“It means she likes people with fast cars,” he says. “Not people with Jeeps.”

“It's good in the snow!” Shane protests. Ilya kisses him on the mouth this time. Shane kisses him back, thinking. 

Ilya’s right. He knows Svetlana better than anyone else in their apartments. He’s known her since they were kids in Russia, and they used to sleep together (Shane happens to know that they haven’t slept together since they moved to New York, but that’s neither here nor there). Ilya and Svetlana currently share a bedroom, for crying out loud! 

And it’s not like Shane has the best track record at interpreting conversations. Svetlana was probably just trying to compliment his jacket, which is a normal thing to do. And maybe also tell him that she’s horny, which from listening to Jackie and Svetlana talk, Shane thinks is a normal thing for women to talk about. So she was probably just being friendly, and Shane totally misinterpreted. Damn it. 

“Okay,” he says, when he and Ilya part. “I guess you’re right.”

“I am always right,” Ilya says. Shane shoves him. 

“That’s a lie,” he says, moving to roll away, but as planned, Ilya grabs him instead. Shane grins at the wall as Ilya drags him closer, and helpfully starts to pull off his pants.

--

pheebs @atmyoldschool
anyone else think it’s soooo cute that hayden & shane still live together after all these years….just two canadian boys making it in the big city…..

--

They usually hang out in Ilya’s apartment. Their living room is bigger, though Hayden and Shane have a better couch. Plus Marleau has a fancy La-Z-Boy recliner that Jackie staked her claim on after she got pregnant, so they kind of have to hang out where the chair is. 

“I’m taking this with me when we move out,” Jackie says, closing her eyes and leaning back. 

“Like hell you are,” Marleau says. He’s on the floor. Svetlana and Ilya are on the couch, and Shane is on the other chair, a spindly little IKEA number that kind of sucks. He wishes he could sit on Ilya’s lap. Or that Ilya could sit on his.

“As if you’ll be able to resist the power of two squishy little babies,” Jackie says. “You’ll be begging me to take the chair.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Shane says. 

“Thanks for backing me up, Hollander,” Marleau says. 

“Jackie, the movie is in thirty minutes,” Svetlana says. “We need to leave if we are taking a cab instead of the subway.”

“Why wouldn’t you take the subway?” Marleau asks. 

“The smell of the subway makes me vomit,” Jackie says. “Keep up.”

“Ilyusha, do you want to come?” Svetlana asks. “To the movie? It will have lots of explosions.”

“No,” Ilya says. He makes a face. “I am tragically behind on laundry. If I do not do it now, I think you will kill me and bury me under the rink.”

“Probably,” Svetlana says, crossing her arms. 

“Maybe boring Hollander will keep me company with boring chore,” Ilya says, looking over at Shane with a wink. 

“Maybe if I help you’ll finally learn how to fold,” Shane says. 

“Oh, I think I can fold things just fine,” Ilya leers.

“If you’re going to be doing laundry, can you do mine, too? Just cycle it, I can fold when I get home,” Svetlana says. Cliff lights up. 

“Ooh, you can do mine too!” he says. 

“Uh,” Ilya says. Shane tries to think of an excuse. 

The front door opens. Hayden lets himself in, sliding his phone into his pocket. 

“Well, I got some scoop,” he says. “Kinda bad news. Ugly Naked Guy is subletting out the apartment himself, and there’s already a million applications.”

“Oh, no!” Jackie says. 

“Yeah,” Hayden says. “But I’m not giving up. We’ll just have to figure out how to make our application stand out.”

“You know there are other apartments in the city, Pike,” Ilya says. 

“Yeah, and all of them suck,” Hayden says. “Don’t worry, Jackie, I’ll make this one work. Ooh, maybe if I drop off some muffins they’ll consider our application first! Be back later!”

He turns and runs out the door.

“Aw,” Jackie says. 

“Wow, Hollander, he’s desperate to be rid of you,” Marleau says as he gets up for the bathroom. 

“Fuck off.”

“We need to get going,” Svetlana says. She stands and stretches. “Come on, Jackie.” She heads toward the door, taking the most winding and unnecessary path possible so she can walk right by Shane. She reaches out a hand to touch his shoulder. Shane resists the urge to flick it off. 

“Miss you already,” she purrs, dragging her hand along his chest. Jackie rolls her eyes and they leave. 

Shane turns to Ilya. 

“See? What was that!”

“And she did this earlier?” Ilya says, half-standing, rage in his eyes. Shane doesn’t want Ilya to kill his best friend, but also he kinda likes the murderous glint in his eye. 

“Yeah, basically! She complimented my muscles and my jacket and said something about not sleeping with anyone in a long time.”

Abruptly, Ilya’s face clears. He laughs. Shane frowns. “What?”

“She knows!” Ilya says. He gestures between them. “She knows about us! This is why she is hitting on you. She’s trying to--freak us out, or something. That is the only explanation for it!”

“Oh!” Shane says. It occurs to him to be offended, but honestly he’s just relieved. 

“And the laundry! Marly must know as well,” Ilya says. “He would never ask me to do his laundry otherwise, he knows I would just forget it in the laundry room.”

“So they’re, what, messing with us? Why not just tell us they know?” Shane asks. 

“Well,” Ilya says. “Svetlana is evil, and Marly got ensnared in her trap. That is likely explanation, I think.”

“Evil like homophobic?” 

“No,” Ilya says. “Evil as in likes to spread chaos. She has known I am bisexual for a long time and never said anything, Мой чайник.”

“Teapot?” 

“Yes, because you looked like you had steam coming from your ears when she touched you.” Shane chucks the nearest throw pillow at Ilya. It hits him square in the face.

“So if we just tell them we know that they know, then Svetlana’ll stop hitting on me,” Shane says. “And everything can go back to normal.” He’ll freak out about how they found out later. 

“Yes, I suppose we get to end their little game,” Ilya says. “Now all we have to do is figure out how we tell them we know. Ooh, sweetheart, can we kiss in front of them? Pretend everything is normal and then just kiss? Or, even better, I go to your room tonight and tell them where I am going?”

But Shane isn’t listening. He got caught on one word Ilya said. 

Game. 

“Or,” he says slowly. “They don’t know that we know that they know.”

“No, they do not.”

“So what if we messed with them back?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, what if I, like, encouraged the flirting? Just to see how far she goes? Then she’ll know not to mess with us anymore. And whatever game she’s playing--we’ll win.” 

He looks over at Ilya, a little nervous. He is suggesting he flirt with someone else, after all. But Ilya is looking at him like he hung all the stars in the sky. 

Shane feels his cheeks heat. 

“You are literally my dream man,” Ilya says. “There could not be a single person on this earth more perfect for me.”

“Good,” Shane says. 

“Now come over here,” Ilya says. “It’s some kind of crime that you aren’t sitting on my lap right now.” Shane stands up, only too happy to comply. 

--

chandler @chandelier_
lowkey breaking kayfabe for hollander and rozanov to be seen out in public together…like bro stop going to the post office together i thought you were rivals 😭

--

They aren’t even out of the movie theater before Svetlana shoves her phone under Jackie’s nose. 

Jackie’s mouth falls open and she reads the text two more times. 

“What? I can’t believe he would do that to Il--wait.” She looks at Svetlana, who through the dim light of the movie’s credits is looking at her grimly over top of her phone. “He wouldn’t do that. To Ilya, or anyone. Shane Hollander wouldn’t do that with you.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Svetlana says.  

“So the only reason he would say that is because he knows that you know,” Jackie says. 

“I’m afraid so,” Svetlana says. She turns her phone around and reads the text one more time. “But we still have the advantage. Shane and Ilya don’t know that I know that they know.”

“I don’t like the sound of this,” Jackie says. Svetlana turns to leave the theater. 

“You don’t have to do anything,” she says. “You just have to not tell Shane and Ilya what I’m doing.”

“Don’t worry,” Jackie says. “I’m way too invested in this train wreck to say anything to anyone.”

“Good,” Svetlana says. She taps at her phone. When Jackie comes out of the bathroom, Svetlana turns her phone around to show her. 

--

mon💜@metr0sgirl
NOT to be parasocial on main or anything but in light of the pike pregnancy announcement do u think shane will be godfather…..omfg waittt it’s twins what if shane is godfather of one and cliff or ilya is godfather of another… 🥺💕

--

“Okay, so Sveta likes guys who are smooth and confident, she only likes disasters if they are women, so try to be confident.”

Shane looks up from adjusting his collar in the mirror to glare at Ilya, standing just behind him.

“I’m not actually trying to seduce her,” he says. 

“Oh, right,” Ilya says. He dusts off Shane’s shoulders and then reaches around to run his fingers through Shane’s hair, ruining the perfectly good brushing Shane just gave it. “There, now you are hot.”

“Now I’m hot?” Shane lifts his eyebrow. Ilya kisses the edge of his jaw.

“Now and always,” he promises. 

There’s a knock at the door. A bolt of fear runs through Shane, and he takes a deep breath. Relax. It’s game time. 

Except it’s not game time, because hockey wouldn’t do this to him. He clenches his fists, nods at himself in the mirror, and goes for the door. 

“I’ll be right here,” Ilya says, and he closes the bathroom door almost all the way, so he can peek out. Shane nods. Even if it’s not hockey, he can still win this. He opens the door. 

Svetlana is wearing a low cut shirt and a very short skirt. Both are form fitting, and Shane guesses that if women did anything for him she’d look super hot. 

“Svetlana,” he says. 

“Shane,” she says. She smirks up at him. Shane swallows, and opens the door wider. 

“Come in.” She does, and holds up her bottle of wine. 

“I brought some wine. Want some?” 

“Sure,” Shane says. He takes it from her and heads to the kitchen, glad to have something to do with his hands. It occurs to him that he hasn’t been on a date with a woman since high school. 

He pours two glasses. Maybe a little overfull. Fuck it. 

“So, here we are,” Svetlana says, sliding up very close to him. “Are you nervous?”

“No,” Shane says. He slides a glass to her, and wipes his hand on his pants. “You?”

“No, I want this to happen,” Svetlana says. Does he detect a hint of uncertainty? He’s probably fooling himself. He’s known her for his entire professional career and never seen her less than a thousand percent confident before. 

“Me too,” Shane says. He manages to lift up his glass. She meets it in a toast, and Shane takes a sip. He’s very tempted to drain the whole thing, but manages to stop himself. “You, uh, look nice.”

“Thanks,” Svetlana says. “I usually wear this skirt clubbing. I find it gets good results.” 

Shane swallows. “Uh, well, I can see why. Your legs are very…hot. You are--hot.”

Ilya is probably laughing at him from the bathroom. If this was hockey, Svetlana probably just stole the puck from him.

“So are you,” Svetlana says. “Those articles that voted you the sexiest man in the League were right.”

“Thanks,” Shane says. Has he ever even been alone with Svetlana before right now? What would he say if he were with Ilya right now? “Uh, should we move this to the bedroom?”

Why did he say that?

Svetlana blinks. The puck is back in Shane’s possession. 

“Really?”

“Do you not want to?” Shane asks. He hopes she says yes. 

“No, of course I do,” Svetlana says. “I just want to, um. Oh! We cannot have sex without the good vodka. I’ll be right back.” Calling a timeout--smart move. 

“Of course,” Shane says. Svetlana turns and heads to the door. She turns and gives Shane a flirty little wave before slipping outside the apartment. 

The bathroom door creaks. 

“You are doing wonderfully, моя любовь,” Ilya says. “She is going to come back waving a white flag, I am certain.”

“Of course she is,” Shane says. His heart is racing like he’s been running or something. He clenches and unclenches his fist. “I always win.”

“Yes,” Ilya says. “Unless, of course, you are playing against me.” Shane turns to glare at him. 

“One of these days I will actually drop gloves on you,” Shane warns. 

“I look forward to it,” Ilya says, grinning sunnily.

--

joey @joe_0784
actually i’ve been thinking about it and i bet marleau & pike fight way more than rozanov and hollander do. like hollander just seems like nothing ever affects him. but we KNOW pike and marly are trigger happy

--

Jackie opens the door of Svetlana’s apartment and peeks into the hall. Svetlana and Cliff are talking in hushed whispers.

“He’s crazy,” Svetlana hisses. 

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” Cliff says. “I mean, it’s Hollander. I’ve never met anyone more competitive in my life. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I think he’s even got Roz beat.”

“Are you done yet?” Jackie asks. “I want to go home.” 

Before she moved in with Hayden and Shane, she got sexiled from her own apartment a time or two, but she literally never thought Shane would do it to her.

“Not yet,” Svetlana says. “Shane is too stubborn, he is not backing down.”

“Just tell him the truth,” Jackie suggests. “You’ve had your fun.” 

“I thought you were on my side,” Svetlana says, pouting a little.

“No,” Jackie says. “I was willing to let it go, but it’s nine thirty and I’m tired and there are two human beings inside of me right now. Can I please go to bed?”

“You know, Jack, the sooner Shane backs down, the sooner you can go home,” Cliff says. 

“Really? Okay,” Jackie says. “Svetlana, unbutton your shirt more. Show off your bra a little, maybe. I think Shane’s afraid of women. Also be more assertive.”

“Perfect,” Svetlana says. She starts at the bottom and unbuttons her shirt nearly all the way up to her bra, exposing her stomach. Only twoish buttons are holding on for dear life, just preserving her modesty. 

Honestly, Jackie’s seen her wear worse. 

“Alright, I’m going back in.” Svetlana fluffs her hair, then turns around and lets herself in. Cliff catches the door with his hand, so it doesn’t close all the way. Jackie comes up next to him and they both peer into the apartment. 

Svetlana marches right in and up to Shane. 

“Are we doing this?” she asks. 

“We’re doing this,” Shane says, and Svetlana grabs his face and brings him in for the most horrible kiss Jackie’s ever witnessed. 

Shane stands really still, eyes wide open. Jackie can’t see Svetlana’s expression, but the way neither of them are moving, just touching lips, has Jackie imagining her puffing out her cheeks and puckering up like a little kid. 

They stand there for a very long time. 

Shane breaks away first, breathing heavily. 

“I can’t do this anymore!” he cries. “I can’t have sex with you.”

“Why not?” Svetlana says. 

“Because I’m gay and in love with Ilya!” Shane blurts, then throws his hands over his mouth like he can’t believe he said it. 

Jackie’s own hand flies to her mouth. In love?!

From inside the apartment, Jackie hears a door bang open. Shane’s bedroom, maybe, or the bathroom.  

“HA!” Ilya crows. “I win!”

“No you don’t!” Svetlana says. “I win!”

Ilya comes right up behind Shane, grabbing him around the waist. Jackie can see, even across the room and through a crack in the doorway, Shane melt into his arms. 

“Did you?” Ilya asks, smirking. 

Svetlana pretends to gag. Cliff decides this is a good time to swing the front door all the way open. 

“You guys are like, in love?” Cliff says. “For real?” He leads the way into the apartment. Jackie makes sure the door closes properly.

“How long has this been going on?” Jackie asks. The way Shane and Ilya look at her, she suspects that maybe they didn’t realize she knew. Oh well. “Was it over the summer?”

“Uh, no,” Shane says. “Um. It’s kinda been going on since, uh. Rookie year?”

“No, no,” Ilya says, over the sound of Cliff, Jackie, and Svetlana freaking out, “since the summer before.”

“Summer before?!” 

“Rookie year?” 

“Всё это время?”

“Wait a second,” Jackie says, waving her arms around. “So you’ve been together the entire time I’ve known you?”

“Well, not together exactly,” Ilya says. “We were kind of fuckbuddies for a while.”

“Oh, man, no wonder you were pissed when you realized Hollander was next door!” Cliff says. 

“Kind of pissed, mostly horny,” Ilya corrects. “Easy access to my new favorite hookup, yes?”

“I was a little pissed,” Shane admits. “I had the first gay encounter of my life and then two months later you were living across the hall from me.”

“Oh, yeah,” Ilya says. Jackie tries and fails to do the math on that. So the entire time she’s known them, they’ve been sleeping together?

“So when did you go from fuckbuddies to…whatever you are now?”

“Boyfriends,” Ilya and Shane say together. Then they smile at each other, sappy. 

“I mean, we spend so much time together,” Shane says. “We basically live together. It didn’t take that long for us to, you know, catch feelings.”

That makes sense. 

“But we can’t come out,” Shane says. “I mean, the League is one thing, but Russia…”

“Oh,” Jackie says. 

“Shit,” Cliff says. 

“Ilyusha,” Svetlana says. “You know I love you very much. And Shane. And if you need any protection, I would marry you in a heartbeat.”

“I know,” Ilya says. “My Shane is too jealous for that.”

“We have some backup plans in case anyone finds out,” Shane says. “My mom has like, twenty seven different statements prepared. But thanks, I guess.”

“Sorry for hitting on you, I only wanted to help you. I thought if it was a game, you would not freak out so much. And I wanted you to know that you can be out at home. We all love you two.”

“Спасибо, Sveta,” Shane says. “Seriously.” Ilya detaches himself from Shane and comes to Svetlana’s side. He throws his arms around her.

“You’re welcome,” Svetlana says, hugging Ilya back. 

“Sveta, I have something to confess,” Ilya says as he draws back. “And Marly. And you too, my queen Jackie. When Jackie and Hayden move out, I am planning on moving in. With Shane. I will still be around, and probably eat breakfast every day with you so I do not have to suffer horrible kale smoothies--”

“Hey,” Shane says.

“--but I want to live with him. And Sveta is right, we do not want to sneak around at home. But if you really want me to stay crammed in a two-person apartment like sardine, I am happy to stay.”

“Brother,” Cliff says, putting his hand on Ilya’s shoulder. “I am so happy for you. Of course I want you to move in with Shane.”

“You think I would turn down an opportunity for my own bedroom again? I love you, Ilyusha, but not that much.”

“I’m happy for you, too,” Jackie says. “Both of you.” She’s spent the last few years thinking Shane was kind of lonely and unhappy. She’s glad to see that it’s not true, and it never was. Here, with no secrets between them, Shane looks happy and relaxed in a way she’s never seen. “And Hayden will be happy for you, too, once we explain, everything.”

“Maybe we wait until he is sleep deprived and holding a baby in each hand,” Ilya says. 

“Wait, where is Pike?” Marleau asks, looking around as if just realizing that Hayden isn’t in his own house. That’s weird. Jackie isn’t sure where he is, either. 

She frowns and pulls out her phone. 

“Jesus christ,” Jackie says. “I’m going to bed.”

An hour later, she’s almost asleep when she hears the apartment door burst open. 

“Shane, Shane!” Hayden calls. Jackie groans and pulls her blanket up higher. In the next twenty six weeks, Hayden had better figure out how to be quiet. “I got the apartment! You’ll never guess how I bonded with Ugly Naked Guy--” Jackie hears him fling Shane’s bedroom door open.  

She braces herself. 

“HOLY SHIT!” 

“Ever heard of knocking, Pike?” Ilya snarks. Jackie puts her pillow over her head. Goodbye, world, see you tomorrow. 

“JACKIE!” Hayden yells. 

Oh, there’s no fucking way. 

--

gunther @espress0
i saw shane hollander and ilya rozanov making out in a window while i was checking out an apartment. but i have no proof and nobody will ever believe me so it’s whatever