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“Oswald, we need to talk.”
Nothing good in history ever started with a sentence like that. His mind raced with every piece of negative news that could come from his one and only friend. He wondered if he was going to step down from his position as chief of staff, he wondered if he was going to tell him he found his limping and face disgusting, tell him that he never thought of him as a friend, or even worse tell him he was disgusted by his offer of romantic love.
It had been two days and five hours since Oswald confessed to Ed that he was in love with him. It hadn’t come out the way he had hoped it would, it hadn’t been over a candle light dinner, or in the park beneath a beautiful full moon. There had been no classical music playing on the record player, no bear skin rug, or expensive vintage wine. Instead his confession had been clumsy and nearing accidental. It had been evening; Edward had come to him asking for advice on his latest relationship with a woman who could be his dead girlfriend’s doppelganger. A frustration and anger had built up inside of the small man, it had left him light headed, and for once Ed had realized something was wrong with his small friend. He had finally noticed his tight-lipped grimace, the anger flaring in his pale blue eyes, and all it took was for Edward to ask a simple “Are you okay?”
Oswald had blurted out an angry no, he had called him an idiot and told him he loved him. The words hung heavy in the air between them and within seconds he regretted them, he wanted to pull the words back into his mouth and keep them buried for an eternity. Each passing second of silence killed him on the inside, it made him want to find the canister of poison his step mother had used on his father and down it for himself. He did not like the silence, he did not like the way that Edward was staring at him. The younger man had just stood there staring down at him, his brown eyes were wide and staring at him through the lenses of his glasses, and his lips were parted as if he wanted to say something yet he couldn’t figure out how to approach the situation.
So, he hadn’t.
Edward turned on his heels and left the room, he left the room leaving Oswald all alone. When he closed the door, he did it quietly, there was no enraged slamming, but even that was enough to send the black-haired man into a fit of gross sobbing.
Now here they were two days and five hours later; Ed stood in front of him looking down at him with a nervous expression on his face. Oswald stared up at him feeling shaky and nervous.
“About what?”
He knew what, they both knew what.
Ed took a seat next to him on the love seat.
“It’s about what you said the other day.”
“Yes what I said, perhaps it’s best that we just forget all about that.” Oswald stated simply.
“No we shouldn’t just forget about it, we need to talk about it.”
“Why, there’s nothing to talk about.”
Ed placed a hand on the older man’s knee, just that simple slightly intimate touch gave Oswald chills.
“Yes there is, there’s a lot to talk about actually. There’s actually some things that I need to tell you, things that I should have told you quite some time ago, but I didn’t deem it terribly important in terms of our friendship.”
This turn peeked his interest, but fear still made its home in his chest.
“What is it?”
“I did not have the best family, not by any means. My father was a bitter drunk who worked a job that he despised, my mom had an addiction to prescription pills, and I was not what my parents had hoped I would be. I was scrawny, I had horrid eye sight, for the longest time I stuttered when I would talk, and actually I didn’t start talking until I was seven years old.”
Oswald listened, he smiled just the tiniest bit when Ed talked about his stuttering. He could just picture Ed as a child, an outsider. How well the two of them would have gotten along if their paths had crossed.
“I’ve always had a love for books and puzzles, I’ve always been so good with them, and I thought that if I made really good grades then my parents would be proud of me. I thought that they would stop regretting me and thinking of me as a disgrace. It turns out that didn’t matter, my dad still beat on me, and my mom still gave me looks of hate.”
Ed gently rubbed Oswald’s leg as he spoke, he was staring off towards the fireplace like he was reliving all of this for himself. The older man placed a hand over his, brushed his thumb across his knuckles. Ed turned his head to face him again, he looked down at Oswald’s hand on top of his then back up into the older man’s eyes.
“There was a boy, wh-when I was in high school there was a boy in my math class. We had so much in common, he was the only person who looked at me like I was a human being. I don’t even remember how it happened, but before I knew it he was kissing me while we were studying in my room one day. When he kissed me I was so confused, because I’ve always liked girls…. Just when he kissed me it felt so right and so comfortable. Unfortunately, my father walked into the room,”
Oswald entwined his fingers with Ed’s, he gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.
“He was enraged when he saw what we were doing. He yelled until the boy left, then well…. Let’s just say I had a hard time lying to the doctors in the ER that night about how I got so banged up.”
“Ed…”
“Let me finish, please. After that happened it all got worse, my parents sent me to therapist after therapist trying to fix me. They put me on pills, they put me through what I now know are unethical treatments doing their best to fix what was wrong with me. Finally I repressed, I told them I’m fine, and that I want to be normal. Ever since then I just, I just ignored it anytime I saw a man I found attractive. Then I met you, I thought initially that the way that I felt towards you was just me idolizing how powerful you are. It was that, but the longer we knew each other and the closer that we’ve gotten I’ve accepted that it isn’t just me wanting to be like you. When you told me the other day that you’re in love with me I panicked, I’m deeply sorry that I just left and avoided you like that. It was not right of me to do that to you and if you’re angry then you have every right to be. I just needed to tell you this, just so you could understand.”
“Understand?”
“Understand that I, I want to be with you. I love you and I want this to work, but I’m scared.”
Love, Ed loved him. The words left him shocked, left him unsure how he should react. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry, if he wanted to hold him or kiss him. He felt like apologizing for the awful things that Ed’s parents had done to him, he wanted to tell him nobody would touch him like that again. Oswald would never allow any more doctors to hurt and demean him.
“I’m scared too, you are the first and only person I’ve even thought about in this way. I haven’t the slightest clue what to do or what to say, I just know what I feel like doing.”
Ed looked at him, his eyes flickered momentarily to the older man’s lips.
“Perhaps you should do what you feel.” He whispered
So he did, for once in their time together Oswald did what he wanted to do in terms of Edward. He pressed his lips against his in a firm kiss, the younger man kissed back with a passion that Oswald never experienced before. Ed’s hands moved to the smaller man’s waist pulling him in closer against him.
“I love you” Ed whispered against his lips.
The words were words that Oswald could never get enough of, he wanted them to be the first and last thing he heard for the remainder of his life.