Work Text:
Tired. That was the most prominent thing you had felt for a large, exhausting portion of your life.
Emotions too intense, sabotaged relationships, constant health issues only aggravated by constant stress, and repetitive coping mechanisms that you endlessly chased just for a fleeting, meaningless hit of dopamine.
Your parents did their best to understand — at least, that’s what you told yourself; But you couldn’t ignore the way the light in their eyes fizzled out when they realised how different you were compared to the bright, energetic child they still expected you to be. When your ‘problems’ were no longer easily solved by simply sticking on a bandaid, or cooking your favourite meal.
Once you grew old enough to gain your own independence, you quickly decided to slowly remove yourself from the lives of the people you cared about. Not wanting to put them through any more of your outbursts and breakdowns. But this only ended up being even more detrimental to yourself.
Too many times had you teetered on the edge of going too far; one too many sips of alcohol, one too many pills that were supposed to help you feel better, one too many tears falling to mingle with your blood that stained the wood of your bedroom floor.
You thought that perhaps, maybe gaining some purpose to your routine of spiralling hopelessly could help you feel better; which is how you ended up working at The Angels Share.
The pay was decent, and Charles - your manager, was friendly enough, and so were the frequent guests.
It worked for a little while. The fast pace of making drinks and serving customers, all while the sound of constant chatter and clinking of glasses helped to block out any pestering thoughts of despair — but you could never seem to help yourself from taking advantage of the wine bottles left half full during your closing shifts.
Tonight had been extremely busy. All of Mondstadt had been celebrating the return of The Grand Master and his troops, giving you barely any time to catch your breath.
It wasn’t until Charles had managed to remove the last of the drunks, that you finally had a moment to sit down.
The lingering laughter and talk still rang loud in yours ears as you sank down into the wooden chair, taking a moment to process the insane amount of glasses and cups you’d have to clean before the end of your shift.
“Barbatos help me, why did I think this was a good idea…”
“Not enjoying the party?”
The moment you heard his voice, your heart practically leaped out of your chest before you could even process the fact that you weren’t as alone as you thought.
“Venti!? Archons, don’t just sneak up like that!”
“Oops. And here I was taking your own advice to be more quiet~”
Venti. An alcoholic bard that regularly attended The Angels share; albeit beyond his welcome most of the time. Constantly singing tunes and poems in return for free booze and liquor. A menace.
“What are you still doing here? We’re closed, you know that.”
“I could ask you the same question.”
“I work here, remember? The floors and dishes don’t clean themselves.”
“Ah — such a hardworking citizen. I must commend you for such important work~”
If you could smuggle a bag of cat fur in just to keep him from rambling to you, you would. You really didn’t need the extra talk right now.
“Please, just leave like the other guests — unless you want me to call in Diluc.”
“Fine, fine — no need to get so worked up. I know when I’m not wanted.”
Although his words were akin to a child being cast out of their home, you could still see those mischievous little gears turning in his head, inevitably planning some new way to pester you.
It took you around an hour and thirty minutes to finish your closing shift. Floors cleaned, chairs stacked neatly in their places, and cups and glasses cleaned until they shone.
Usually you wouldn’t put so much effort into the visual aesthetic of drinkware that would inevitably end up broken within the coming week, but you decided maybe taking your time tonight would be for the better.
It didn’t take long for your prediction to come to fruition. You barely had a moment to finish locking up the door, before the sight of familiar emerald green eyes decided to pop up almost right next to your face.
“You certainly took your time!”
“And there he is…”
“Aw, come now. I’m not that predictable, am I? Geez.”
You knew it was rude to simply walk away from the conversation, but you were tired and far beyond emotionally drained after the recent celebrations. So, with a deep sigh, you walk past the bard.
Unfortunately, Venti was one of the more persistent people you’ve met. So you weren’t entirely surprised when the sound of a second pair of feet caught your attention.
“Isn’t your home in the other direction?”
“I’m not going home just yet.”
“Oh?”
A brief silence.
You knew you wasn’t going to get out of this, so with a sigh, you begrudgingly decide to entertain the bard.
“Sometimes I just need to talk a walk. Process thoughts and stuff.”
“I see… well then, what better way to do so than with good wine and a friend by your side, eh?”
The smile he flashed you almost reflected the moonlight just as much as the bottle he pulled out from Archons knows where.
“Is that-”
“The dawn wineries finest dandelion wine? Why yes it is~”
You opened your mouth to question him, before quickly decide there wasn’t any point.
It was a long walk to Starsnatch cliff, but you didn’t mind.
You had made this track more times than you could count. The only difference being that you were usually alone.
It was a beautiful place, and the name suited it well. A towering cliff that stretched out farther than most would deem safe, covered in a blanket of soft grass that looked like a sea of emerald during the daytime, while catching the moonlight with a silvery glow during the night.
You sat down on the edge with a huff. Despite being used to walking here, your lungs could never seem to get used to the near vertical climb you so persistently decide to choose over the easier, but longer route.
“Ah — Starsnatch cliff. No matter how many times I see it, it never loses its magic.”
The sound of a cork popping made you flinch. Venti seemingly deciding not to waste any time before enjoying the borrowed stolen beverage.
“Yeah… it’s always quiet here.”
A small silence stretched between the two of you. The only sound being heard was that of the wind.
It seemed warmer than usual for this time of year — more comforting. Maybe it was just the wine you had already started to sip on starting to take effect.
“You know, I also like to come here when I’m feeling bummed out.”
“…”
“What? Even I have days where the wind blows a little harsher than usual.”
“Is that why you followed me?”
“A problem shared is a problem halved; and it wouldn’t take a genius to see that you need someone to talk to.”
You didn’t like this. Not one bit.
Being confronted about your emotions was never a good thing.
You’ve lost count how many times being open to someone has caused arguments and crying. You simply put it down to never being able to coherently communicate how you felt without it sounding like an attack.
“You can’t help what’s wrong with me.”
A flicker of a frown showed on Venti’s, before quickly being replaced with something softer.
“Who said anything about fixing? I may not be a professional, but trust me, I’ve been around long enough to see and hear it all — where do you think I get my inspiration for my poetry?”
“How old even are you…?”
“Hehe, don’t you know it’s rude to ask someone their age?”
Rolling your eyes at his non-answer, you fall back into the soft grass and stare up at the stars. You had heard rumours it was fake, that the sky was some kind of simulation.
Ramblings of overly imaginative adventures — even if it were, they were still beautiful nonetheless. Twinkling gems high above Teyvat. A constant.
“Do you… ever feel like you’re not in control of yourself? Like you’re just kind of floating behind while something else decides what you feel?”
A tilt of his head signalled for you to continue.
“I don’t think I feel things the way others do. If I’m happy then it’s the best feeling in the world, when I’m sad then it’s torture — and when I’m neither, I’m just… empty.”
“I’m just so tired of being jealous of seeing others live so normally — of seeing them live in general and not just survive…”
You didn’t know if the silence between you was torture or a blessing. You had already said too much — why were you even telling him this?
“You know, I’ve heard people say similar things before. That they wish they didn’t have to feel the way they did.”
Venti took a moment to look past the cliff and over to Mondstadt. A look of familiarity in his eyes that held far more weight to them than what you’d expect of a drunken bard.
“I’ve felt like that before too, a long time ago. Emotions like storm clouds that seem to cast darkness over everything that see’s the sunlight… but isn’t that such a wonderful thing?”
“Wonderful? Seriously?”
“Of course! To feel means to be alive — it’s the very thing that guides us to be the individuals that we are. Everything from the people of Teyvat, to the animals, and even the plants — all of them feel something.”
“Yeah, but they feel things ‘normally’.”
“Hah! Don’t be silly! Everyone has a different perspective of ‘normal’. What you feel is just your own — that doesn’t make you broken. If you were to feel differently, then you wouldn’t be you.”
“Sometimes I feel like that would be better…”
“Then let’s put it this way: say you get a splinter. It hurts, right?”
“Well… yeah?”
“You wouldn’t know there was even something there if it didn’t, and you’d probably end up getting some gross infection! Pain, be it emotional or physical, is just our mind telling us that there’s something that needs to be addressed.”
“Personally, I’d rather feel the pain of a splinter over being forced to take bitter medicine.”
The laugh that bubbled up surprised you. He was rambling, and you still felt like you couldn’t fully explain how you felt — but he was actually trying to help in his weird, round-about way instead of just shouting at you.
“I suppose. I just wish there wasn’t a splinter at all.”
Venti didn’t reply straight away. Whether that was because he didn’t have the answers you needed, or simply wanted you to figure them out yourself; you didn’t entirely know, but you were glad he didn’t push the conversation further.
“For what it’s worth, you’ll always have a friend to help. No matter how awful the things you feel are.”
A sudden warmth enveloped you as Venti suddenly wrapped his cape around your shoulders.
“…thank you…”
“…you know I’m still going to have to report the stolen wine to Diluc — right?”
“And after sharing such wisdom? Alas, whatever shall I do.”
Venti let out an overly dramatic sigh, causing you to roll your eyes.
“Barbatos help me.”
“Who knows — the wind always works in mysterious ways.”
You chose to ignore the way his eyes seemed briefly to dance with an emerald glow, instead, choosing to embrace the soft gust of wind that now, somehow, had the faintest smell of Dawn Wineries finest Dandelion Wine.