Work Text:
On a green grassy meadow by a small hill, I sat there on the soft grass decorated with yellow tinted primroses, accompanied by a sketch book and pencil. Drawing him as he swayed happily back and forth, on the swing attached to the sakura tree, in front of me.
“ Osc! Isn’t this fun? ”
Osc. That was the nickname he bestowed upon me when we first met, complaining that my name was too long. Said that ‘Osc’ sounded more whimsical compared to my plain and boring name. Said that he will bring me the joy I lacked in my life. Like if I had vitamin deficiency and he would bring me every vitamin my body lacks. Like if I had depression, he would do anything to make me laugh, even if I just smiled a bit. Like if I was craving for something, he would make it for me, just so I can taste it. Like if I struggled with something, he would do anything to make me understand or make it easier for me. Like if I wanted something, he would make sure I’ll get it. No matter what.
“ Mhm. ”
“ Can you push me please? I wanna get closer to the clouds! ”
“ Okay dear. ”
Like I could ever deny him, I would battle every celestial being and ethereal entity, just to see him smile. I pulled myself up from the soft grass and started heading towards him. He smiled at me so beautifully it felt like thousands of red tulips suddenly blossomed in my heart. I pushed him gently towards the dusky sky as he pointed at the changing clouds.
“ Look Osc! That looks like a koala, just like you! ”
“ Hmm? Really? ”
“ Yes! ”
“ I suppose so, that one over there looks like a frog, like you. ”
He laughed. His laughter cut through the soft and quiet bubble surrounding us. It sounded like wind chimes, softly ringing against my ears, like an angelic lilt, woven by heavenly beings above, stirring the angels and deities. It’s my most favourite sound in this whole universe. A smile carved so naturally into my face when I heard the divine melody, who wouldn’t?
As the sun started to set, the sun shone velvety, illuminating his face with incandescent, tinting his face with a golden glow. His hair turned slightly brunette under the gaze of the heaven’s lantern. He hopped off the swing cheerfully and sat down on the meadow grass.
“ C’mere Osc! ” He spoke blithery, staring at me serenely, cross-legged from the downy meadow.
“ Okay honey. ” I said as my face blossomed with a soft coated delight.
I laid my head tenderly on his lap, as he played with my hair, like a habitual affection. It was our favourite routine. The sun setting while he caresses my hair delicately, admiring the enchanted sunset. He had always loved to weave my hair between his fingers, with infinite reverence, as if every strand of my hair were sacred, like it was threaded by the gods.
“ Your hair is so pretty, do you know that? ”
“ Of course. You tell me that all the time, how could I not? ”
He giggled, his joy colouring the pastel atmosphere.
“ Glad you do. I love it so much. ”
“ Hmmm, since you love it so much, how about I keep my hair like this forever then? ”
He smiled so brightly, as if the whole universe lit up with love, like I had just hung the moon and stars, just for him. As though I had gifted him the cosmos, wrapped in silver moonlight and golden starlight. Like I had made a constellation for him alone.
“ You would do that for me? ”
“ Mhm. ”
“ Awe you always make me feel special! Love you. ”
“ Love you too, darling. ” I whispered gently as I lanced my fingers with his, like threads woven together, softly brought his hand close to my face, my lips gracing his hand with sacred fondness, as though love itself were holy.
Love you.
I miss those two words so much.
So goddamn much.
I only liked it when he uttered those two words. Now whenever I hear those words chanted, it feels as if god craved sorrow deep into my heart, making it bleed with despondent and forlorn. I miss the sound of that beautiful nickname he once gifted to me, spoken with such care and tenderness, as though my world depended on it. It did. I miss when he used to stroke my hair, cherishing it as if it were silken threads, leaving me with nothing but relaxation and calmness. I miss his laugh, that once echoed with so much joy, spreading warmth to everyone near him. I miss his voice, once steady and warm echoing in my memory, now a sound lingering like a ghost in the air. It was the only melody that carried me through the silence, through everything. It hurts me beyond measurable lengths. It has ruined me in every way imaginable — mind, body, soul.
He was the joy of my life. Without him, it feels like life has turned muted and subdued. Everything feels lamenting and melancholy. It feels as if I’m Earth, stripped of my sun, leaving me in a cold lifeless darkness.
On a green grassy meadow by a small hill, I sat there on the soft grass decorated with violet irises and indigo hyacinths, accompanied by a sketch book and pencil long forgotten.