Chapter Text
“Joohhhnnnn~!”
”What do you want, gay fuck? Can’t you see I’m busy?” John huffed. He was, in fact, busy. He wore an old shirt and a pair of sweatpants, a canvas set up in his room. Different brushes and paints scattered the floor, which was covered with old newspapers John collected for this very purpose.
”You’ll be even busier if you come with me,” Smitty giggled.
”Holy shit, why’re you so damn horny right now?”
“Uhmmmm…”
“Smitty.”
”I may have had… a little drunk session just before,” Smitty laughed, “and I got kind of a bit tipppssssyyyyy~”
”just ‘kind of a bit tipsy’?” John asked, raising his eyebrows. “Bitch, you’re drunk as hell. And it’s literally only 2 pm, dumbass.”
”It’s not my fault… Daukey made me do extra shotsssss,” Smitty whined.
”Okay, but whose fault is that shit ass scheduling?”
”Sovi had something come up so we started early…”
John sighed. “Dude, I’m covered in paint. Give me a minute and I’ll help you.”
”Fineee…” Smitty groaned dramatically, the drunk slumping against John’s doorframe and pouting. John quickly threw on a fresh t shirt and picked up some of his paints off the floor before walking over to Smitty and dragging him down the hall.
“Wait, why’re you still wearing clothes?” Smitty huffed.
”How are you more horny than me?”
”We’re having sex, yeah?”
”No, stupid bitch. You’re drunk and I’m not,” John snorted.
”Then get drunk.”
”How about you get sober, slut.” John dropped his legs in front of the bed.
”You’re not gonna lift me up?” Smitty whined.
“Bitch, no! I’m getting you water,” John said, stalking off to the kitchen. When he came back, Smitty was in the bed, and John shoved the glass forcefully into Smitty’s hands. “Drink up, whore,” he snorted, sitting down on the bed beside him.
“Asshole…”
”Slut.”
”Bitch!” Smitty yelped, some of the water sloshing out of the cup.
“If you don’t drink the water, we are definitely not fucking tonight.” Smitty immediately brought the glass to his mouth and drank. “Holy shit, you’re so needy when you’re drunk.”
”…Shuddup,” he whined, weakly shoving John’s shoulder. “I’m gonna grip yo shit…”
”Ayo?” John snorted. “That’s kind of gay.” Smitty groaned, collapsing into John’s lap, slapping a hand on John’s thigh.
”Fuckkkk…”
”Dude, you’re actually losing it,” John laughed. “You need to go to sleep before you get any freakier.”
“Only if you give me cuddles,” Smitty pouted, and John rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure man. Don’t get weird though.” John turned the lights off and curled up in bed next to his drunk boyfriend, who immediately curled up right in John’s personal space.
”God damn.”
”It’s not freaky if we’re dating.”
”Holy shit, I’m gonna tease you so much when you wake up.”
______
”I DID WHAT WHEN I WAS DRUNK!” Smitty yelled, and John burst out laughing.
”I’m pretty sure you were worse than Matt, dude. It was BAD.”
”Dude…” Smitty whined, covering his face with his hands. “I was not expecting to get that drunk.”
”What the hell were you even playing?” John snorted.
”REPO.”
”You were chalked from the start, dude.”
”Well I didn’t expect Sovi to have to change times either!” Smitty said.
”Whatever. At least I know we match each others freak perfectly now. I just gotta get you hella drunk,” John teased.
”Never speak of this again.”
”Oh, I’m definitely telling Matt.”