Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Location: Coruscant 8:00 P.M.
Coruscant, the center of the Known Galaxy. The clouds colour dark grey to black, it's raining cats and dogs outside. You can hear the thunder cracking through the clouds, the last warning before lightning strikes. If you look close enough, a young man is standing on top of the Jedi Temple, relishing in the stormy weather.
Anakin Skywalker, known as the Chosen One by the Jedi Order. Destined to be the most powerful being the Force has ever created. To the Republic, known as "The Hero With No Fear", the highest honorific award a warrior could receive. The best general the Grand Army of the Republic has ever seen. He has a knack for finding solutions in impossible situations, being known as a maverick within the Order.
The combination of his military skills and charming personality makes him the perfect poster boy for the Republic. Young children want to be just like him when they grow up. You can see them playing with imaginary lightsabers, pretending to be Anakin Skywalker. Elder people respect him for his successful campaigns in the Clone Wars. He seems like a perfect guy to the outside world, but those close to him know this is far from the truth.
The stormy clouds are reflecting in my crystal blue eyes. Fitting, I think. The weather is exactly how I feel at the moment. I just returned from a successful mission to reclaim Scipio. The Banking Clans have been handed back to the Republic. Chancellor Palpatine accepted his new emergency powers over the Banking Clans and promised to get rid of the corruption. All sunshine and rainbows. No, actually the exact opposite happened. I start rethinking what happened a couple of days ago.
Flashback:
I am sitting at the edge of Padmé's apartment, waiting for her to come home, rethinking what just occurred. Force, I almost beat a man to death out of jealousy. What is wrong with me? I sigh out loud. What a mess I made.
Suddenly the door opens, revealing my wife stepping towards me. I can tell she is not happy to see me.
"I am so sorry, Padmé. I didn't know what came over me," I say.
Padmé looks over at me and holds her hand up. "What's done is done," she answers.
"It's just when I saw him about to kiss you—" Padmé interrupts me.
"And I regret that. But you should know that I do not care for him. I've told you why I'm doing this, but still you refuse to accept it. You could have killed him, Anakin."
I look down at my hand. "I know. I know."
Padmé looks away and sighs. "This marriage can't last if we cannot trust each other, Anakin." She pauses before adding, "We said it at the beginning that our marriage could be a terrible mistake."
I slowly turn to look at her and ask cautiously, "What exactly are you saying, Padmé?" On the inside, I am slowly starting to panic that this could be the end of our relationship.
"That other people who are married have everything that we won't. Like it or not, our relationship is built on lies and deception. No relationship can survive this," Padmé answers, then adds sadly, "Maybe our relationship is a mistake."
"I know I went too far," I interrupt quickly. "It's just… something inside of me snapped," I finish quietly.
"I don't know who's in there sometimes," Padmé says. "I just know that I am not happy anymore. I don't feel safe." She glances back at me before starting to walk away.
I stand up, trying to salvage the situation. "Padmé—" She interrupts me again.
"It's better if we don't see each other again, at least for a while. I am sorry," she finishes before walking out of the apartment.
I just stand there, dumbfounded, before quietly leaving in my T-6 Jedi shuttle.
A beautiful white lightning bolt on the horizon shakes me out of my musings. How can she just leave me after one argument? I was not the only one in the wrong. Ugh, what a mess. I don't feel safe — those were the unspoken words behind what she said. It's not the first time this has happened, has it? A nagging voice whispers to me. Sometimes my darker emotions just take over and I turn into something unrecognisable. Padmé was right to be afraid, but surely she must know I would never harm her. Maybe she was afraid for me. No, that can't be it. Then she would try to help me deal with my feelings, not just walk away like I wasn't even worth it. I was just afraid of losing her, the same way I lost Clovis.
I think back to when my mother died and the extreme sense of grief that overtook me when her light went out, followed by something even more uncontrollable. Pure hatred. I killed them all without a second of doubt. Thinking back about it though, I always recall hearing a voice screaming at me, "Anakin! Anakin, no!" The voice sounded familiar. Maybe I should try to meditate for once in my life and find out whose voice it was.
The thunder rumbles through Coruscant, followed by a rush of wind that blows against my soaked robes. I wrap them tighter around myself, searching for the last bit of warmth they have to offer. The storm calms me more than it should for a traditional Jedi. I grew up without rain. Tatooine was an everlasting desert. So now, every time it rains, I remember not to take simple things for granted.
I sit down, cross one leg over the other, place my hands on my knees and close my eyes.
Having the highest midi-chlorian count in recorded history and yet here I am, struggling to sit still for five minutes. Figures.
Meditating the Jedi way has never come naturally to me. The instructions are simple enough, or so they tell me. Recognise the emotion. Focus on it. Let it go. Fill yourself with serenity and peace. Right. Easy. I've heard it a hundred times from a hundred different masters and it has never once felt like something designed for an actual person.
Every time I try, my mind does the opposite of what it's supposed to. My senses overload instead of quieting. Images push through that I don't want to see and can't name. I always stop before they sharpen into something I'd have to deal with.
Tonight I don't stop.
I breathe in through my mouth and exhale through my nose, slow and deliberate, like Obi-Wan showed me when I was nine years old and too restless to sit through a full lesson without fidgeting. One thing only. The voice. The one that called out to me two years ago on Tatooine, at the worst moment of my life, when I had drawn on every dark thing inside me and there was nothing left but rage.
Anakin. Anakin, no.
Someone had been there. Someone had reached through all of that and found me. But who?
There were no Force presences on Tatooine except my own. I'm certain of that. Obi-Wan was captured on Geonosis, nowhere near the planet. Ahsoka I didn't meet until Christophsis, years later. So who was left?
Concentrate. Feel. Don't think.
I know that voice too. Where have I—
And then the memories come without asking.
Trust your instincts, Anakin.
Do you believe you are the Chosen One?
Midi-chlorians are microscopic life-forms within all living cells.
You have grown strong and powerful, just as I imagined.
You will find another way.
"Qui-Gon?" I think out loud.
I let my entire soul fill with memories of Qui-Gon and every emotion I carry for him. Love, happiness, sadness, grief. I dive deeper into the Force, reaching for him.
"Qui-Gon, is it really you?" I ask.
"Anakin," Qui-Gon finally whispers in my mind.
"How is this possible?" I ask, full of wonder. "So that was really you on Mortis?"
"Yes, that was really me," Qui-Gon answers before adding, "but that is not why you called me here, is it?"
"Of course it was. You were always more attuned to the living Force than any Jedi I knew. I was trying to contact the voice from Tatooine. It was you, wasn't it?" I ask. I realise now that he is the third person who knows what happened on that dreadful day. Padmé, Palpatine, and now Qui-Gon.
"It was," Qui-Gon says quietly. "But that is not the real reason you sought me out. I know you better than that, Anakin. You seek guidance." It is not a question. More of a statement. Well, he is not wrong. If anyone can give me honest advice, it's my old master. He always understood me better than most.
"I feel lost, Master. I have no idea what my place is in the galaxy anymore. I lost Ahsoka. My relationship with my wife is strained. And I feel like Obi-Wan doesn't understand me well enough to truly guide me," I say out loud. To anyone passing by, it would seem like I had lost my mind, talking to myself on top of the Jedi Temple in the rain. I shiver against my soaked clothes, the warmth long gone. Goosebumps rise along my arms.
"I cannot choose your path for you, Anakin," Qui-Gon says.
Ugh. I was a fool to think a Jedi Master would give me a straight answer.
"I know you can't. But I feel trapped. I have this whole destiny hanging over my head and everyone expects me to win this war, when all I want is to take a step back and clear my head," I say, frustration bleeding into my voice.
"The prophecy is far from fulfilled," Qui-Gon answers, his voice already beginning to fade back into the Force. "If you want to bring balance to the galaxy, you must first find balance within yourself. The prophecy does not belong to this war alone, Anakin." A brief pause. "Trust your instincts. You will find another way."
And then he is gone.
"Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon!" I shout into the open air, reaching out desperately for any trace of him. Nothing.
I can't believe he actually achieved a form of immortality. Why did he have to be so cryptic? Find balance within yourself. I sigh out loud.
"Why is it never straightforward?" I mumble to myself.
A strong wind blows against the right side of my face. I turn and catch another lightning bolt flashing on the horizon. It is getting cold. A hot shower sounds good right about now.
With one last look at the storming sky, I walk back to one of the towers and descend the stairs to my room.
TBC