Chapter Text
Jack was not an idiot. He was depressed and anxious and a whole slew of other things (mostly told to him by doctors) but he was not an idiot. He knew what he and Robby were, knew that all he was to Robby was a friend who he sometimes fucked when he had too much energy and no other distractions from the shitshow that was his life. But just because Jack knew what they were didn’t mean he couldn’t feel disappointed. So even though Jack was aware that they were simply fuckbuddies, he was never surprised to feel the bitter sting of rejection when Robby made his priorities clear.
Robby had major commitment issues, and Jack was all too aware of them. Robby went from hookup to hookup like it was nothing, but he always came back to Jack. Always. And that was enough, wasn’t it? That’s what Jack told himself every time Robby abandoned him for some guy or girl he’d met at a bar the previous night. That’s what he told himself every time Robby kicked him out of bed so that he “didn’t get the wrong idea” and made him drive all the way back to his apartment, eyes red and sweat still clinging to his skin.That’s what he told himself every time Robby brushed off an advance or reiterated that Jack meant nothing to him, not romantically. He had what he had with Robby, and that was enough.
Except, maybe Jack was an idiot because their little trysts were starting to fall short of what Jack really wanted. In fact, Jack was most certainly an idiot, because he had gone and fallen in love with a man who didn’t give a shit about him. Not really. And now whatever they did wasn’t enough. Jack wanted Robby fully, not just on a random night when Robby had nothing better to do. So he lived in some perpetual state of agony, caught in the war between his head and his heart. His need for love and his need for Robby. He knew which side was going to win.
Robby had invited him out to a bar. Not unusual by any means, but slightly suspicious given that he hadn’t seen Robby beyond shift changes in almost two months. Jack was slightly wary entering the bar. He didn’t know what Robby wanted. A hookup would be nice, but he really didn’t feel like spending his night off lamenting over his poor decision making and lack of willpower when it came to his oldest friend. The lights in the bar were low, the floor was dirty, and some old country song was playing softly from the speakers. This was exactly the kind of place Robby would try to seduce him at. But when he finally spotted him, he wasn’t alone. There was a pretty brunette next to him, smiling and laughing at something Robby had said. Her hand was on his arm. Jack’s stomach sank.
“Jack!” Robby called, lifting a beer by way of greeting. “Glad you came.”
“Of course,” Jack said, trying to smile. “Who’s this?” he asked, nodding to the woman.
“This is Noelle,” Robby grinned. “My girlfriend.” Jack’s blood ran cold.
“Girlfriend?” The word came out slightly strangled. Robby nodded and Noelle turned to kiss his cheek.
“I wanted the two of you to meet,” Robby explained. “The two most important people in my life.” Jack was going to throw up.
“Pleasure to meet you,” Jack said through gritted teeth. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pretended to check it, feigning interest in an imaginary text. “I’m sorry,” he said mechanically. “Something’s just come up. If you’ll excuse me.” He walked out as quickly as he could, ignoring the way it bothered his prosthetic. Escape was more important than comfort. Robby, of course, followed him out.
“What was that?”
“I got a text,” Jack said flatly. “Ellis needs me to come in.”
“Bullshit. What is this really about?”
“Leave it alone Robby.”
“No! What the hell has gotten into you? I really like this girl Jack, she’s not like everyone else.”
“I’m sure. Let me know if you feel the same when you get bored in a few weeks and dump her,” Jack scoffed.
“I’m serious. I think she might be the one. This is the longest relationship I’ve had since college.”
“Then what the fuck do you need me for?” Jack asked angrily, throwing his hands up.
“Because you’re my best friend.”
“Yeah,” Jack laughed. “Right.”
“Why is that such a bad thing?” Robby demanded.
“Because I’m in love with you asshole! And I’m sick of being used.”
“You know what this is, Jack. It’s not my fault you got it into your head that this was anything but casual.”
“Fuck this,” Jack growled. “Fuck your little girlfriend. But most of all fuck you Michael.” With that, he turned and stalked away.
Back at his apartment, Jack couldn’t sleep. He’d considered actually heading into the Pitt, but he didn’t want to see anything that might remind him of Robby. And there were a lot of things that reminded him of Robby. So now he was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and trying in vain to ignore the aching pit in the middle of his soul. He’d crossed a line tonight, but so had Robby. Sure Jack had confessed his love for his best friend/fuckbuddy, but Robby had broken the unspoken rule they’d had since college. Robby always came back to Jack. Until now apparently.
That was absurd. Robby had never kept a partner for longer than a week or two. But he had been mysteriously absent for a while, presumably with this Noelle. Maybe Robby was telling the truth. That scared Jack more than he’d like to admit. He was mulling over the merits of drinking himself into a stupor when his phone rang. A flash of anger hit him when he read the caller ID.
“What do you want?” Jack asked, more tired than anything.
“Look,” Robby said, words slightly slurred. He was probably tipsy. “I know work’s been really stressful for you lately, so I’m going to forget what you said and give you a chance to apologize.” Was he serious?
“Apologize? For what?”
“For storming off and saying you’re in love with me. I’ll forgive you Jack, you just need to ask.”
“I’m not repenting at your feet Michael. I said what I said, and I meant it. I’m done with this, all of it. I need more than this and if you can’t admit to yourself that you love me too, then I hope that the rest of your life is just as miserable as it always has been. I’m over it.” Robby was quiet for a minute. Jack was about to hang up, but then he heard a sharp intake of breath.
“I should never have talked you off of that fucking roof.”