Work Text:
9/12/xxxx
Dear Toga,
The counselor that U.A. brought in suggested journaling as a way to process our feelings.
Or— ah! That’s probably pretty sudden, huh?
I guess it doesn’t actually matter, but I’d like to believe you can see me somewhere. You shared your precious blood with me. That has to mean something, right? I’d like to think so.
I’m going to graduate next year. I’m almost a full-fledged hero, though maybe you wouldn’t like that? I think about what you said all the time. Your past, your struggles, your dreams…
And I think about my dreams too. Daydreaming seems kind of silly now that I've put so much towards my goals.
So I’ve decided I want to be the kind of hero who protects hearts. Your past…I wish I could have helped you sooner. More than anything I wish I could see your smile again. I think about you so often, it hurts.
But, I don’t want this to be just about pity. I’ve decided to rework the entire counseling system. So that means I’m going to aim to be both a hero and a university student.
I don’t have to pay for anything at University, thankfully, though I will have to pay for any of the organization’s costs in the future. After everything, there’s a lot of interest in the sort of reforms I’m suggesting. I can only hope the interest lasts. I know my class will have my back, but I don’t want to depend on them too much, you know?
I’d hate for the rug to get pulled out from under me once I start classes…
Anyway, now that I’ve explained…I heard Takematsu-sensei’s suggestion and I thought about writing you. I wish I’d thought of it sooner, but hopefully you can forgive me. It may not be journaling but I think this can work.
Yours,
Ochako
11/23/xxxx
Dear Toga,
It’s a holiday today, so I had nothing to do but walk around. Even my hero work was quiet! I can’t say the same for poor Tsu-chan or Deku. He’s getting a teaching degree, so he’s focused on studying already (maybe I should too…? But I’m super unsure where to start…) Tsu-chan had a boat to help rescue. I offered to come, but she had it in hand with Nejire-senpai.
I thought about going to the Fireworks Festival, but I didn’t want to travel. I decided to go window shopping instead. Were you the kind of person to like that? A part of me thinks yes, but the other part of me thinks you’d be unimpressed with the basic shops I like to linger around. I guess a part of me wants to be realistic even when I’m not actually shopping…
I did eat at a really great sweet shop a few days ago, though. I mentioned I had started looking for places near my University letters ago, right? Well while there, I had some great dessert mochi! I waited in line for so long. A little girl recognized me and wanted me to cut in front of her, even. I said no, of course.
I wish I could’ve went there with you.
My favorite was the pomegranate…I used to not like it very much. A part of me wonders if this is the elusive way taste-buds are supposed to change when you get older, or if it’s something different.
You, maybe?
That’s probably wishful thinking.
I wish...nevermind.
Sorry,
Ochako
2/14/xxxx
Dear Himiko-chan,
I have to confess that I did actually write letters for you on Christmas. I got upset and tore them up and then got more upset.
I’m keeping all of the letters I write to you in a box. Since I’m writing so often, it’s getting stuffed. Tsu-chan hasn’t said anything, but I can tell she’s concerned. She’s the only one I’ve told about this.
I guess this started off as a way to get things off of my chest, but is it preventing me from moving on?
A part of me doesn’t want to move on. I keep thinking of our final fight and the things I could’ve done differently. I wish I’d understood earlier.
I’m going to make some chocolate for you. But don’t misunderstand! I’ll make a cake for White Day too. It’s only fair.
Thinking of you,
Ochako
3/21/xxxx
Himiko,
I visited you today. I’m sure you know that, but I wanted to say it out right.
The last few letters have been all about graduation and the future— a part of me just wanted to leave it at that.
I’m a bit of a coward. I hadn’t done it since you were put to rest. I could write and write and write, but I couldn’t bring myself to go back.
My plans are moving forward. I want to change how we do Quirk Counseling. For you, mostly, but also for Deku and Bakugou and Tsu-chan and your friends too. Deku told me a little about Shigaraki— or Shimura. I’m not sure which he would’ve preferred at the end. You’d know more about that than I would.
Maybe that’s arrogant, to think I could change so much. But I’m going to give it my all– Plus Ultra! Ha! You wouldn’t care about that part, but I like to think you’d like what I was doing.
I bought a sweater that looked a little like your own. I went to the park and fed the ducks and thought about sitting there with you.
Dearly,
Ochako
5/18/xxxx
Himiko,
I had a hard day at work today.
There was a family. The daughter reminded me of you. I got way too heated. I thought Iida was going to rocket me right out of there.
That’s no good.
I need to be stronger. If I want my program to work—
School hasn’t been helping. I see so much—
Sorry. This is heavy.
Ochako
6/8/xxxx
Himiko,
I had a great Tanabata. The whole class managed to meet up again. I know you liked Deku and Tsu-chan, but I wish you could’ve met the others. Or at least the girls. I think you would’ve liked a girls night out with us.
I put up a wish that things continue to work smoothly. I need a few years of school and then I can put my program fully into action. A little childish, I know, but I think I needed it.
You would’ve liked the fireworks. They were incredible this year! And the food…even thinking about it now makes me drool. I like to imagine dragging you around and getting stuffed before we curled up to watch the fireworks.
Love,
Ochako
8/20/xxxx
Himiko,
It’s almost been a year since I started writing…it doesn’t feel that long. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been writing less. I’ve been overwhelmed with course work and hero work.
I thought of a fun list though, while hustling everywhere this week.
Things I Saw That Himiko Would Like:
1. The cute knife pin a girl in my class has on her bag
2. The cat with one ear I saw near the konbini
3. When I tripped and bloodied my nose during a rainstorm
4. A seagull stealing a rude guy’s onigiri
5. Iida coming to class with me because he wants to do counseling too
Yours,
Ochako
11/2/xxxx
Himiko,
I haven’t been writing as much. I can’t blame it on work, either, because it’s been slow. School is school, but U.A. gave me plenty of experience with that.
I’ve been feeling guilty about it, almost sick with it, until the dream last night.
Was that you?
I could feel you running your hands through my hair and humming. Everything felt okay.
I think it’s a sign. Even if I stop writing so much, it doesn’t mean you aren’t already here with me. You’ll always be here, in my heart.
And I do mean that both ways! Literally and figuratively. I won’t forget the sacrifice you made. The tenderness in your eyes while your blood pumped through me…I think our connection is something so deep I couldn’t put words to it. Writing it down or not, nothing changes that.
Thank you, Himiko.
We’ve got a school lined up to test the pilot program for our Quirk Counseling. It’ll be another year before we can really start, but I think it’s going to go great!
Every time I step into the classroom I think of you. I hope you’re proud of me. If that dream were real—
Well, thank you.
I love you,
Ochako