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Sunset was always the time Azure exited the garden and entered the bedroom.
But this time, he did not.
Which made Elliot worried. Really worried.
Did Azure get distracted?
Maybe a bird hurt it’s wing?
Maybe an animal got stuck in the thick bushes of the roses?
Or maybe his partner was..
Surely they weren’t.
Surely.
-
It was past sunset now, when Elliot decided to exit the house and walk to the garden.
The air around him cold and bitter as he continues to trek his way over to his partner’s garden.
And eventually he reached it.
Opening the old door to the greenhouse, gently before walking in and shutting it again behind him.
Eventually the blond’s eyes met the form of his lover. Who currently was standing still, and appeared to be staring down at the ground, lost in thought.
Elliot’s hand met their shoulder as he leaned against him.
"Azure?"
"Hm?"
Was the only response he got.
So he wrapped his arms around the botanist, leaning his forehead against his back.
"Are you okay?"
Again, quiet.
Only response now being his hands holding his.
——
They weren’t exactly sure why they felt like this.
Just a empty feeling that managed to dig up a pit in his chest. Like they were being stabbed again.
His breaths didn’t feel like enough and felt empty. But he was breathing fine.
His hands shook with invisible weight that never left.
His eyes burned with unshed tears. But the tears didn’t know how to fall.
Nor did the weight know how to exist.
Nor did his breaths know how to be whole.
Everything felt a little off in a way. Something that should be normal, only become something unnatural.
Like how the shadow of the flowers somehow managed to shape the shadow of them.
They didn’t want to think about them.
Didn’t want to think about how they’re doing.
How they’re breathing.
How they’re experiencing their life.
He didn’t even know if they were alive.
He didn’t care if they were dead.
That’s a lie. He does care.
He didn’t care if they were struggling with life
That’s a lie. He knows they are.
He doesn’t want to see them ever again.
Which is a truth.
They don’t ever want to see Two Time again.
Even if he cares.
Even if they’re struggling.
Azure has all they could ever want.
Right here.
Right now.
But curiosity always stirred in him like a fire.
A painful fire.
And he wished it hurt him.
He wished his curiosity always got him hurt.
“Curiosity killed the cat”
Anyone would say.
But the karma of curiosity didn’t even touch him.
So sometimes he’d do it himself. Perhaps by accident. Perhaps on purpose.
Hence now why he’s staring at the floor, watching red drip from the cut he accidentally made upon his palm.
Azure didn’t mean it. Really. They were just clipping leaves off the shrubs when a bird hit against the glass of the green house, thankfully not breaking it
Or maybe a bird didn’t hit anything.
Maybe he was just imagining things.
But they didn’t imagine the cut.
That was definitely there.
It was dripping to the floor in a small puddle.
"Azure?"
That soft voice interrupted his thoughts. But they didn’t turn to look at him.
Just an automatic response came from their lips.
Just to fill the void of a question waiting to be answered
Just expected.
"Hm?"
They didn’t flinch at the arms wrapped around them now.
Nor the ‘are you okay?’
Azure wasn’t sure either.
Everything just felt like something he had to do.
All the issues he had to solve, that probably didn’t need to be solved.
They don’t know if it’ll ever be okay.
Not when Azure sometimes would wonder what would happen if someone woke up one day and he had died.
How would they feel?
How would they react?
How would Elliot even be?
If he found their cold body laying on the floor.
Would he cry?
Would he scream?
But that’s what made him feel so guilty about thinking about it.
Elliot would be sad.
Or maybe he would for a little while and forget.
Move on.
Yeah.
He probably would.
Azure wouldn’t be missed by anyone.
They didn’t know anyone.
Nor did anyone know him.
And that’s okay.
Then that means there’s less people to care if he died.
Less people to grieve.
That’s fine. He doesn’t mind the thought of that.
But would they look after his garden?
Would they look after Elliot?
Those two were the reason he was still alive.
But they feel like they would be okay if their garden died.
Because that means whatever he had left is gone too.
Their memory gone.
Azure feels like he doesn’t want to be remembered.
He wants Elliot to forget about him.
So then they can go peacefully, knowing that someone who once cared can go live their life without grief weighing them down.
But that wasn’t easy.
Because some part of them was begging to stay.
To live.
To experience everything they haven’t.
That horrible selfish feeling.
They shouldn’t feel the need to stay.
It’s greedy. And sickening.
It’s disgusting to even imagine another day alive with Elliot.
They love Elliot they really do, but sometimes they wished that he didn’t love them back.
—
"Azure?"
He tried again, but still no response.
The blond hummed thoughtfully before holding his hand more closely. Now just feeling the wet of blood from Azure’s palm.
He gasped, letting go of the botanist momentarily to get a first aid kit.
Finally he grabbed a gauze and wiping the bleeding cut.
Then when it stopped bleeding so much, he wrapped bandage around it to secure it.
Satisfied, he put the kit away, placing it onto the table in the greenhouse before going over to Azure and hugging him.
He returned that hug, thankfully.
And Elliot cupped their face.
"Azure?"
The taller blinked at him, leaning down to his height so Elliot could kiss them.
"Are you okay? Please answer me.."
"Mhm, I’m okay. Thank you."
Still not a satisfying response but at least Azure was talking now.
"Do you want to go to sleep?
"Yeah..I’m tired."
So Elliot beamed at him and held their hand as they exited the green house at some time at night.
Way past than normal. But thats okay.
Elliot didn’t mind, as long as he could curl up and sleep with Azure peacefully, knowing that the both of them are okay.