Chapter Text
In a way, watching how quickly everyone moved on from almost being killed by a giant monster was actually more upsetting than almost being killed by a giant monster, and that should not have been so tight a competition because almost being killed by a giant monster had been one of the most upsetting things to ever happen to him.
Apparently Kevin was the only one who thought this, however, because everyone else seemed to be perfectly capable of not having panic attacks every time they saw someone's shadow twitch. The other Brave Boys (a name he hated but unfortunately seemed to have stuck) were the only ones who seemed… aware of what had happened, but even they were driving Kevin crazy.
Edgar was borderline manic, clearly devastated over what happened to Poe, and now he had the egg, he couldn't do anything without stopping every thirty seconds to check it wasn't damaged or hatching, which had led to some very close fatalities during Playtime. Monty had recently confessed to Kevin that he’d heard Edgar whispering to the egg late at night, when he thought Monty was asleep. Their friend would also disappear at random and reappear an hour later, eyes red and voice hoarse, feigning confusion when they asked him where he’d gone. Whenever Kevin tried to ask how he was, he would completely shut down, robotically insisting he was fine over and over again and apologising profusely for making Kevin worry, which only frustrated the other boy more because he didn't want you to be sorry edgar i just want to know how you’re feeling -
Monty, on the other hand, was like a whole new person. Convinced he’d mastered control of the wolf, he was suddenly more outgoing and cheerful than Kevin had seen him. He was even throwing parties in the common room every other day, transforming into the wolf on request like it was some kind of cool party trick.
He had his moments, though. He still couldn't control the thrice monthly transformation, and Kevin and the other boys would often find him curled up in the roots of a tree at the edge of the Plagueround, eyes cold and distant with blood smeared across his face and hands. They would have to pick him up and practically drag him back to the dorm, pretending not to notice as he raises a shaky hand to his mouth gaze fixed sightlessly ahead as he licks the blood from his palms -
And then there was Roland. Roland, who’d been the first person at this stupid school to reach out to him. Roland, who’d stood up to a boy twice his height and nearly lost his arm for it. Roland, who’d offered without a second thought to let his friends use him as a battering ram, multiple times.
Roland, who’d tried to kill him.
-your teeth shattering spilling from your mouth in a torrent of blood your spine snapping the pain is agonising he doesnt even hesitate to swing the hammer -
- thats not fair you know it wasnt his fault -
- yeah exactly thats worse that means he cant do anything to stop that weird voice thing if it wants to hurt you all it could -
- no roland knows what its like now he wouldnt let -
- does he know i mean thats his god right why would he choose it over you what if its still got control of him what if its had control this entire time and its just biding its time waiting to get you again maybe you should get him first maybe you should keep a knife -
“...vin? Kevin, are you okay?”
He felt a hand touch just behind his shoulder and flinched away, knocking over his water to the annoyance of the boys next to him.
“Kevin?” Roland immediately pulled his hand away, looking concerned.
“I- you, uh- what?”
“Are you okay? You jumped rather high.”
- oh yeah i wonder why -
- hes being kind eeyore -
- wait hes looking at us can he hear us can the voice hear -
- why would he be able to hear us can you please not do this -
“I’m good, ‘wuz just distracted. What did you say?”
For a brief second, something like pity seemed to flash in Rolands’ eyes, but before Kevin could overthink it too much
- i bet he thinks youre pathetic for not being over the tower fight i mean i dont blame him you were injured for what like ten whole seconds -
it was quickly covered up by his signature cheerful grin.
- or maybe that thing in his head can read your mind and its telling roland everything youre thinking like it knows how scared you are of it and it -
- will you stop being such an eeyore hes talking again so could you just shut up for like five minutes -
“...and the lads were…”
- oh shit yeah right look like youre paying attention make sure you look interested and fine and like youre paying attention -
- i might actually be able to pay attention if you would bloody well just shut UP -
“...movie night tonight?”
- oh fuck that -
“Oh… uhhhm, movie night? Tonight? Uh, I’m not sure…”
“Not sure? What else have you got to do?" Monty interjected, speaking so suddenly he didn’t have time to swallow his mouthful of soup, resulting in him accidentally spitting out most of it. Edgar, unluckily sitting next to him, leaned away with a slight grimace and shielded his precious Egg from the onslaught. "Besides, you didn't come to last month's."
“I did too!” Kevin snapped, immediately feeling defensive.
“I mean you were actually only there for ten minutes, Kevin,” Edgar offered apologetically. “So technically you weren’t really there…”
- what were you timing it -
“...And it did get better as they went on.”
- yeah right -
If he wanted to be trapped in a room watching people act out entire disney movies, he could have stayed at home.
- i mean you couldnt because your parents hate -
“Did they at least remember the characters' names by the end?” He asked, voice a little too loud.
“Mostly,” Edgar replied. “Although Reuben seemed really certain that Dorys' name was Doris and no one could convince him otherwise.”
“Yeah, not sure I could have put up with that for an hour.”
“Well, maybe this month will be better,” Roland took control of the conversation again. “I thought it sounded quite fun, it’s about living toys I believe. What was it called, Edgar?”
“Toy Story 4.” Edgar supplied quickly.
Kevin frowned. “Why are they starting with number 4?”
“I think it was the only one Chris had seen after his curse manifested,” Edgar said. “He can’t remember any of the others nearly as well.”
“Mm. Yeah, I reckon I’ll give this one a pass too, sorry guys.”
Monty gave Kevin a look that could only be described as incredulous. “You’re really not gonna come?”
The red-haired boy blinked in surprise. “N-no?”
“But we never see you ever!”
“Monty, we literally have all the same classes. We spend every day together.”
“I think Monty just means we don’t really see you outside of class, so it would be swell if you did come along.” Roland said, voice suddenly softer. Edgar nodded along, smiling his timid, lopsided smile. The two of them looked at Kevin with a mixture of hope and… crap, it was pity. His shoulders tensed reflexively and he felt a twinge of irritation.
- so theyve bothered to notice im gone but not enough to ask why -
- oh come on thats not fair they literally cant know anything if you never spend time with them if you sat down and were actually just honest for once then -
- sure yeah ill just blurt it all out and itll just magically be okay -
- what are you even look stop being childish this is not very hakuna matata -
He looked down at his soup in the hopes of hiding his forming scowl, stirring it around listlessly. He didn’t really like mulligatawny anyway, and he’d gone off it completely when it turned out that it came from a living being.
- cuz like what if its a hive mind and hes conscious the whole time were eating him -
- were not doing this again shut up -
Kevin looked up again and he saw three hopeful, nervous expressions as his friends patiently awaited his response, and his frustration faded.
“Alright, fine.”
The response was immediate. All three sat up excitedly and cheered, and Kevin couldn't help but smile slightly.
- see they do care -
- okay but -
- no no no. please can we just make an effort? please just try and see the positives. we can do this. -