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Language:
English
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Published:
2026-05-20
Updated:
2026-06-01
Words:
1,985
Chapters:
3/?
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1
Kudos:
2
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Idiot Disciple’s Guide to Cultivation

Summary:

Song Yuheng was not supposed to transmigrate into a cultivation novel. Unfortunately, the system had autocorrect on and grabbed the wrong “Yu Heng” — specifically a sleep-deprived office worker who hasn’t willingly read a book since age six. Now trapped as a side villain destined to die early, Song Yuheng is forced to survive using nothing but fake tears, shameless lying, and the corporate survival instincts gained from working at T*o B*o. Somehow, this leads to him ruining the original romance plot and becoming a personal problem for the sect’s terrifyingly cold Frost Immortal, who keeps insisting on “disciplining” him instead of killing him like a normal person.

I’ve never used A03 bfr so I apologise if there’s some errors, I’m still figuring things out. But I’ll appreciate the support!!!

Chapter Text

It was exactly 4:15 AM.

The sky was pitch black, the only source of light coming from a flickering 7-Eleven down the street.

Song Yuheng trudged toward the shelf, half-awake, wearing a hoodie and probably five-day-old basketball shorts. He stood there inside the nearly empty store, staring blankly at a row of instant noodles like a man one step away from spiritual ascension.

Outside, the streets were silent. Rainwater reflected the weak glow of flickering street lamps, and the only sound was the ancient refrigerator humming quietly in the back corner of the store.

He grabbed his usual cup ramen, a pudding cup, and after a moment of internal conflict, a pack of microwavable dumplings.

Then his phone buzzed violently in his pocket.
He didn’t even need to check who it was.
Only one person would message him at four in the morning without shame.

Friend / colleague: “clients asking for revisions”

Song Yuheng stared at the message for a full five seconds.

Then typed back with the exhausted hatred of a corporate employee who had long accepted suffering as a lifestyle.

Song Yuheng: kys

A true professional.

He shoved his phone back into his pocket and dragged himself toward the counter.

The teenage cashier scanned his items with the emotional detachment of someone who had already given up on life at seventeen.

Beep.
Beep.
Be—

The lights flickered.

Once.
Twice.

Then every light in the store exploded into blinding white.

Song Yuheng recoiled.

“What the flip?”

A sharp ringing sound pierced his skull.
Then a mechanical voice echoed directly inside his brain.

[SYSTEM INITIALIZATION FAILED.]

[ERROR.]

[Locating target: SUNG YU HENG.]

He frowned.
“…Who?”

[Target confirmed.]

[Auto-correction enabled.]

[Updating target: SONG YU HENG.]

[Synchronization complete.]

Song Yuheng blinked slowly.
“…Wait.”

The system paused.
Then, for the first time, it sounded uncertain.

[This should not have happened.]

Song Yuheng swallowed.
“…Can you send me back?”

[…Unfortunately no.]

“…Now what?”

Silence.

Then:
[System offline.]

“…Bro?”

A brief pause.

Then, almost reluctantly:
[Bro…]

And the world disappeared.