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It was a foggy night in the unfamiliar city, and Heisenberg was preparing to go to sleep. He had to deliver a lecture the next day, and he was awfully nervous. He had never been to the United States before, and he was asked to speak in English, a language he was very unconfident of his abilities in. He could understand English just fine, and he did not mind using it around close friends in private, but the thought of giving a presentation to a massive crowd of judgemental glares in a language he was far from fluent in caused him to feel sick.
At least he had Dirac. The man was with him not to lecture, but purely for leisure. He had told the institute that was paying for their trip that Dirac was coming with him to act as a back-up in case something happened and Heisenberg was unable to speak, but he hoped that it would not come to that, because truthfully, he just came so they could spend time together. Over the past few months, the two men had grown quite fond of each other, and their interactions were far more affectionate, and before they knew it, eventually the pair were romantic partners.
Of course, they could not tell anybody this, but they knew. And that was all that mattered, right?
Heisenberg's nausea starts to subside as he crawls into bed next to Dirac. The British physicist was fast asleep, twitching slightly, but Heisenberg embraces him and surrounds himself with Dirac's presence. He felt so safe around him, and he knows that Dirac depends on him for many things, as the anxiety-ridden, awfully shy man, struggled greatly in public, and in many ways, even more so in private when he was trapped in an intimate situation. He needed Heisenberg to comfort him and help him through these things.
Heisenberg always did, because he loved Dirac.
But now, he wishes that Dirac could help him in the same way. He clings to him tighter and drifts into a dazing slumber, burying his face in Dirac's neck.
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Heisenberg wakes up to Dirac impatiently tapping his shoulder, and when that does not stir him, Dirac slowly moves down to his lower chest and stomach. The shock of the other man touching him in such an intimate way shocks him, as normally Dirac was too shy to even consider such a thing. He bolts up, face flushed. Dirac's face is painted pink, and he quietly apologises.
''No, no. It-It's quite alright. Don't worry... you did nothing wrong.'' Heisenberg quickly assures him, as he did not want Dirac to think he accidentally overstepped. ''In fact, I quite like you being more intimate with me. You can do it whenever...''
''Do you really mean 'whenever' whenever? Or just sometimes? Because sometimes people mean 'whenever' when they really do not mean it, and it relies on being able to perceive a signal that I simply cann-''
Dirac is cut off by Heisenberg kissing him aggressively on his face. ''Yes. Whenever.'' Heisenberg laughs, and Dirac's face reddens with even more intensity, causing Heisenberg to giggle. For a moment, his nervousness is gone.
Dirac rests his head on Heisenberg's shoulder, and Heisenberg hugs him tightly, briefly lifting him up in the air, and Dirac squirms slightly. Heisenberg laughs as he lowers him to the ground. Even though Dirac was several centimetres taller than him, he was so much thinner that Heisenberg could lift him with ease.
Heisenberg considers asking Dirac how he's able to seemingly rid himself of all of his anxiety and self-doubt before a lecture, but he freezes up at the idea of doing that. He does not want Dirac to think any less of him, so he stays quiet. He moves to the closet of their hotel room and quickly puts his clothing on, gelling back his hair so it stays out of his eyes.
After a brief period of time, he sighs, asking Dirac if he's ready to leave.
It's going to be alright, he tells himself. Dirac is going to be there, and if not for himself, he will do it for Dirac. And for the other hundred or so people that will be staring at him with harsh, judgemental intent.
He grabs Dirac's hand, squeezing it tighter than normal as they walk to the building that he would be speaking at. Dirac blushes at the pressure, he found it quite comforting. He does not pick up on the possibility that maybe something is wrong, and Heisenberg might be not feeling well.
That is, until Heisenberg is still clinging to him when they approach the gate of the university. Normally, once they start to be around other people, Heisenberg quickly shakes him off as to not be seen and potentially harmed. This did cause Dirac to be sad at first, if not offended, but after Heisenberg explained to him, he eventually began to understand. So now, he realises that something might be wrong.
''Werner? Are you okay?'' Dirac's voice is shaky, but he hopes it sounds genuine as opposed to shallow.
Heisenberg's eyes widen and he feels his face start to heat up. He feels like he's being shoved in front of a burning star. He's so embarrassed. He quickly yanks his hand away, apologising profusely to Dirac. ''Y-Yes, of co-course I'm o-''
He catches Dirac looking at him skeptically, and he sighs, looking down. ''No. You know what? No, I'm really not... I'm sorry... It's just... I'm really nervous about this lecture. I'm going to be speaking in English in front of such a large crowd, and...''
He starts shaking and embraces Dirac tightly, and the stunned Paul stands erect and unmoving, not knowing how to respond. He feels warm in the tightness of Werner's embrace. For a moment, they are two intertwined particles in a loving bound state, and all troubles are temporarily eased away. As Werner sees Paul's wide, nebular eyes gazing back at him, he remembers that everything will be alright. He hopes, anyway.
They feel the fog thickening around them, and dew droplets start to form in their hair. While the gel in Werner's hair causes them to slide off, they conglomerate in Paul's curls. He flicks one of them, laughing as the sparkling droplets fly off. ''Alright, dear. Let's go... I have to do it no matter what, but at least you're here with me.''
The entryway to this university is large and very, very old. It reminds Heisenberg of the gates of Goettingen.
A man at the front smiles as they approach. ''Professor Heisenberg! We're so thrilled to welcome you to our institution to speak. Our students are so excited to have such a brilliant pioneer of quantum theory in their presence.'' He glances at Dirac. ''Who is your companion?''
Heisenberg looks down. ''Professor Dirac. He is here as backup, and also as moral support. He also just wanted to hear me speak.'' He winces as his voice cracks, his accent becoming far more prominent than usual.
The man nods. ''Very well, then.'' He gestures at them to proceed, and they walk into the lecture hall.
''Werner, my dear boy!'' A familiar voice causes him to jump. He scans the room, trying to find just which individual the sound was connected to. His eyes land on Niels Bohr, sitting in the front of the room. He blinks, trying to figure out of his brain was playing a trick on him, neurons deciding to conjure up an immaterial figure to bring him some additional comfort. He realises that Bohr is absolutely real, as Dirac ran up to him and hugged him. Bohr rubs Dirac's back, asking him how he is doing. He looks up, glancing over to Heisenberg, and Bohr inquires to Dirac as to how Heisenberg has been treating him. ''If that silly boy mistreats you, please do let me know, Paul. He always was a troublemaker at Copenhagen...''
Heisenberg's face burns. ''I'll have you know Paul and I are very happy, Niels.'' His voice is high-pitched and overly defensive.
Bohr laughs. ''Relax, you're getting more worked up than an unstable isotope emitting an alpha particle. Calm down before you transmutate into a completely different person!''
Heisenberg grimaces at Bohr's awful analogy, but he understands his point nonetheless.
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''Alright, fine gentlemen. Everybody please give the warmest of welcomes to Professor Werner Karl Heisenberg. He's here all the way from Germany to speak here, so treat him with utmost respect.''
Heisenberg shakily rises from his seat, going to the podium. He feels his hands twitching, and his throat is now oddly dry. He glances around, trying to find water of some sorts, but that's ridiculous. Why would anybody have water? He feels his gaze wander more and more, his vision becoming more and more unclear, and his eyes are no longer locked in with sharp, clean-cut focus on his audience anymore. As his movements feel less and more precise, he starts to feel his legs wobble.
He introduces himself in English, but he trips over his words, and he feels horribly embarrassed as one of the students laughs. One of the older men, whom he assumes is a professor of some sort, groans in annoyance. He starts to have flashbacks to his doctoral examination, when he nearly failed due to not knowing the basics of experimental equipment. While the scenario is very different, the gut-wrenching feeling it elicits is as identical as the vast magnitude of electrons in the universe. No matter how far apart or what atom or strange bound system, or even those in free beams, they are all perfectly identical. So much so, that they might as well be the same particle. That was how symmetrical the feelings are. That feeling of his stomach and chest being bombarded with anxiety and stress, and a little hint of sadness. His hands are shaking even more obviously now, and he feels his head start to rush. He sits down, feeling dizzy as he hears the blood coursing through his veins, pumping in his ears. Too much. It's all too much. The room is deathly silent, but he feels as if he's a small child at the overwhelming carnival, the lights and sound all too much for a sensitive young boy.
Tears stream down Heisenberg's face. He can't do this. He bolts out of the room, finding the first open, empty room, and locking himself in it. He sits down in a corner, shutting off the lights. He hugs his knees to his chest, rocking back in forth, trying to calm his nerves as he cries.
He feels so worthless right now. He doesn't know why he agreed to do this.
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Dirac runs out to look for Heisenberg. While the uncertainty of the situation was racing through his mind, and he cannot fathom as to what caused such an extreme reaction in the normally collected and suave Werner, he knows the feeling all too well, and he wants to make sure his beloved is okay. He recalls Heisenberg telling him he was nervous, but he did not think the aftermath would be this bad.
He sees someone approaching him from behind, and jumps, but his heartrate quickly returns to normal when he processes that it was merely Bohr.
''Is Werner alright, Paul? That was very unlike him.'' Bohr's gentle, honey-like voice is laced with concern. Heisenberg was like a son to him, and seeing the young man run off in such anguish was no different to him than one of his own children being in distress.
''I am unsure, Niels. I have never seen him behave this way before.'' Dirac's eyes start to water. He is deeply hurt by knowing the most important person in his life is currently being overrun by crippling anxiety. Dirac was no stranger to panic attacks, but he can handle them when they're his own. Seeing someone else having to suffer through them, especially someone as dear and beloved to him as Werner made his chest hurt.
Niels rubs his chin, pondering the scenario for a while. ''Paul? Go find Werner. I'm going to stall the audience for a while.''
Dirac nods. He trusts that Bohr will be able to hold their attention for an extended period of time. His voice was very soothing, and no matter what he was talking about, it was easy to zone out and get lost in his words. Dirac overhears Bohr back in the lecture hall apologising, saying that Professor Heisenberg suddenly felt ill and that he will hopefully be back shortly, but that he has some things to say in the mean time.
''I thought Professor Dirac was supposed to be Heisenberg's backup?'' a crowd member asks.
Bohr agrees, but says that Dirac is busy checking on Heisenberg. ''They're very close,'' Bohr says. ''He trusts him more than me, at least over this sort of thing.''
The crowd chatters, but Bohr quickly eases them into silence. As he speaks, Dirac wanders the university halls, looking for Heisenberg.
He hears stirring from one of the rooms, and walks to the door. He jiggles the handle, but he sighs as he quickly realises the door was locked.
He knocks on the door, and is told to leave.
''Werner? It's just me.''
He hears a sob, and footsteps coming to the door. After a few clicks, the handle turns and a distraught blonde figure emerges. ''Oh, Paul... I'm very sorry. I a-assumed you were a student.''
He fidgets with his hands. ''I- I don't know what happened.''
Dirac smiles. ''It's quite alright.'' He steps into the room with Heisenberg, and he shuts the door behind him. They both sit on the floor, and the darkness envelops them. Dirac puts an arm around Heisenberg, and he feels his chest warm up as a weight presses on it. He feels the area to figure out just what happened, and blushes as he feels Werner's tear-stained, damp face. He isn't used to Werner displaying this level of intimate vulnerability with him, but he quite likes it. He strokes Werner's side, before leaning down and kissing him.
Werner's shining pulsar eyes stare up at Paul, his sad glare brightening ever so slightly, as if his pupils were nuclei and his irises were an entrancing electron cloud. The ocular atoms were excited now, as seeing Paul with him made him feel infinitely better almost immediately.
He kisses Paul's chest, rolling over and shielding his eyes by shoving his face into his shirt. Even though Paul does not really know what to do, he gets the feeling that Werner is now at ease. And Werner's wellbeing is all that really matters.
And that makes him happy.
After an extended period of cuddling, Werner wraps his legs around Paul, his heartrate now slow, his eyes finally dry. Paul wipes the tear stains from Werner's face, and their hands clasp each other, the stimulation and pressure from Paul's cause Werner to feel so peaceful.
Arms linked, Dirac carefully helps Heisenberg up. He feels so happy now. Despite the fact that this situation was rather awful, he takes slight joy in the fact that their relationship was able to strengthen so deeply.
''Werner?''
He looks up, saying nothing. He flinches as he feels Dirac straightening a loose lock of hair on his head.
''Werner? Are you ready to go back there?''
He takes a long, long, moment to think, but eventually nods.
They walk out together, and Bohr greets them, smiling, before stepping down from the podium and having an assistant erase the things he'd written on the blackboard, and letting Heisenberg take his place.
Werner whispers to Paul that he loves him, and he grins as he starts talking.
''I am so, so sorry, everyone! I was suddenly overcome by debilitating nausea. I am quite alright now, though. Anyways, I am going to be discussing the possible existence of a strange bound particle known as a 'deuteron'. While it was proposed in 1920, it is becoming more and more likely that it does in fact exist...''
Dirac smiles as he sees Heisenberg returning to his natural, ground state. The sparkle in his eyes, and the excitement at the world around him. The happy, confident man that he fell in love with has regained control, and now, all is right with the world again.