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How to Feel Something

Summary:

After 400 years of carrying out the task of filtering souls non-stop in the realm of souls, Yuji with remaining curiosity enters the space-time gap and returns to the past.

He entered his own body and replaced his original soul at that time. It was 2018. The day before he ate Sukuna's finger and also before his grandfather's death.

Notes:

Hello~ I wrote a new fic, this time it's different from the others, hehe. This is not the Yuji you know, but this is the Yuji who has lost himself.

Btw, I was inspired by a fic "Kill Me If You Can" with Evil Yuji, but I took a different approach.

Chapter Text

The sound of dripping water shattered a long reverie that felt like an endless dream.

He opened his eyes to a different world from where he had been just moments ago. There was no parade of passing souls, no dark and empty void, instead, soft light filtered in from the outside.

Those hollow, amber eyes stared toward the source of light outside the window, looking out at a beautiful blue sky. For a moment, he could barely recognize that this was the real world, the human realm, and not the transit realm of souls.

Who am I? He then caught his reflection in the window glass. Familiar pink hair, the appearance of a young man.

His memories were hazy; he had almost forgotten his own identity after spending 400 years in the transit realm.

After digging through his buried past, he finally remembered who he was.

Itadori Yuji. Right, that seems to be my name. But why am I here?

The last thing he remembered was seeing a strange ripple in the transit realm. Driven by curiosity, he had approached the rift, only to be somehow pulled right into it. In short, that was how he ended up here.

He had almost become a cursed object himself, his humanity long fused with the transit realm. There, his existence automatically filtered out the cursed energy from human souls entering the cycle of reincarnation.

He recalled that his purpose had been to prevent cursed spirits from being born into the human world.

However, after 400 years of doing the exact same routine, he couldn't even remember why he had started doing it in the first place.

What was the point of stopping cursed spirits? Why did he have to be trapped there? When could he finally stop?

That endless stream of questions kept coming until he eventually started working like a machine, losing even the energy to question things. In short, he was utterly bored.

So, when that rift appeared, it piqued his curiosity enough to make him step inside and get dragged through.

Now, it seemed he was back in the human world. It had been so long; he couldn't even remember what it felt like to be human.

Triiing~

Startled, Yuji looked around to find the source of the sound. It turned out to be coming from his own pants pocket. It was his phone.

He tilted his head for a moment, trying to remember how to operate the device before picking up the incoming call.

"Itadori-kun? Your grandfather was asking about you. He said he just had a nightmare and wants to see you this afternoon."

Who is my grandfather? Yuji pulled the phone away from his ear and frowned.

This was turning into a problem because his memories were a mess. He had no recollection of who this "grandfather" was.

He finally checked the calendar on the wall and saw the year: 2018.

2018?! That feels like ancient history...

Having established a starting point in time, he began sorting through his memories, trying to separate them from his 400-year routine in the transit realm.

Eventually, he uncovered the fragments of his life as a human. He couldn't recall the fine details, just a rough outline of what was supposed to happen during this period.

He was supposed to be a high school student, and the man called his grandfather... Right, his grandfather was going to die soon.

"Itadori-kun? Hello?"

Yuji snapped back to reality and replied, "I'll be there." His voice sounded strange to his own ears, as if he hadn't spoken in centuries.

The call ended, leaving only the bustling noise from outside his apartment.

What exactly is going on?

He tried to ponder why he had been sent back to this specific time, but ultimately gave up. Why bother stressing over the reason?

Since he was already here anyway, he might as well just wait and see what happened next.

After pocketing his phone, he looked up at the blue sky one more time and decided to take a walk outside.

Guided by the lingering remnants of his memory, Yuji walked down a familiar path and eventually arrived at his school's front gates. It was supposed to be a day off, but for some reason, his feet had brought him here.

His memories might be incomplete, but that didn't mean he had lost his common sense.

As if answering a call, Yuji headed toward the school's back courtyard. Then, he moved toward the small wooden structure used to house the school's protective talisman.

The moment he opened the wooden enclosure, his hollow eyes locked onto a box wrapped in sealing paper.

Oh, right. This is Sukuna's finger. So, this is before I ate it...

He picked up the box just as he remembered doing and slipped it into his hoodie pocket.

Well, if everything plays out the way it's supposed to, will I finally be able to stop?

Yuji was curious about what would happen if he didn't eat Sukuna's finger, but he was even more curious to see if everything would unfold exactly as he remembered. Watching it happen might actually make him feel human again.

He noticed a few cursed spirits manifesting on the sports field, but he did nothing, choosing to simply watch.

I don't need to continue my job here... He decided to ignore the cursed spirits' existence. After all, it had nothing to do with him anymore.

His duty had ended the moment he left the transit realm. He had no intention of meddling with those sickening curses, and the safety of humanity was no longer his concern.

Having satisfied his curiosity with the walk, he finally headed to the hospital where his grandfather was admitted.

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel right now. Perhaps curiosity was the only emotion left inside him.

When he stepped into the ward, he saw a white-haired old man who immediately glared sharply at him.

"...I came, just like you asked," Yuji said, calmly observing the aura of death clinging to his grandfather.

As a soul examiner in the transit realm, Yuji was entirely accustomed to seeing the forms of souls passing through the gates of reincarnation. It seemed that ability hadn't vanished.

The old man's eyes remained locked onto him, his expression looking as though he were staring at something horrifying.

"Who are you?" the old man finally demanded in a loud, straining voice. "Where is my grandson?!"

Yuji tilted his head and replied, "Aren't I your grandson? The nurse said so."

Was my memory wrong?

His answer only stoked the old man's fury further. "You are not my grandson! Who are you?! My grandson could never have eyes like that!" He reached for the cup on his bedside table.

Smash!

Yuji casually dodged the thrown cup, letting it shatter against the wall behind him.

Just what kind of eyes do I have? Yuji didn't understand.

"My name is Itadori Yuji. Aren't I supposed to be your grandson? From what I remember, I am," he stated blankly, genuinely starting to question if his remaining memories were flawed.

The old man's anger faltered, replaced by sheer bewilderment. "You... What exactly are you... Where did my grandson go...?"

The old man looked utterly exhausted, his face deeply etched with sorrow.

Even though Yuji understood the old man's emotions logically, he felt absolutely nothing. He had spent centuries observing the emotions of souls in the transit realm; over time, he had forgotten how to feel his own, turning into a permanent spectator.

He dug into his memories once more to see if there was anything he could do to handle the situation.

"I think you might end up cursing your grandson. Asking him to save others and die surrounded by people... That's a terrible curse." Yuji finally found the exact starting point of why his past self had tried so hard to be a hero.

"...." The old man looked up at him again, this time completely stunned.

"I don't know where your grandson went, but if you have a message, I can deliver it to him." Yuji realized that he had essentially replaced the soul in this body. It was likely the soul of his past self from this timeline.

Since he had taken over the body, the original owner's soul was likely gone or had been thrown into the cycle of reincarnation. If Yuji ever returned to his duties in the transit realm, he might be able to pass the message along.

Unfortunately, after a long silence, the old man didn't say another word, choosing only to stare at him.

This continued until visiting hours ended and the nurse came in to tell Yuji it was time to leave.

Yuji turned around and was about to walk out of the ward when he finally heard the old man's message.

"I take back my curse. Tell him to just be an ordinary human. He doesn't need to save anyone, as long as he stays true to himself." His voice was weak and raspy, as if he were trying desperately to accept a terrifying reality.

Yuji froze in his tracks, then glanced back at the old man. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Yuji replied, "Alright. See you again in the cycle of reincarnation, Ji-chan."

 


 

The next day, Yuji attended school exactly according to the schedule he remembered. He almost walked into the wrong classroom, having largely forgotten what he used to do at school during this time.

He kept the box sealing Sukuna's finger with him, intuitively sensing it was a necessary catalyst to trigger an event.

However, as to how exactly that event was supposed to happen, he couldn't remember.

He was about to head home when two people suddenly grabbed him.

"Itadori! Aren't you stopping by the club today?" It was a girl with glasses and a slightly chubby boy.

"Club?" Yuji asked, his voice laced with confusion.

"Don't tell me you forgot! Didn't we agree to do club activities today? You promised to bring an occult object!" the girl exclaimed excitedly.

An occult object?

His memory was finally jogged. Right, the two people in front of him were his seniors from the occult club. He was supposed to give them Sukuna's finger, and that would mark the day the incident occurred.

"I guess I forgot, but I can give you the occult object now." Yuji pulled out the box containing Sukuna's finger and handed over the contents.

He couldn't fathom why humans like them would willingly court danger, but since it was what they wanted, he simply let them have it. The rest wasn't his problem, right?

"Wow! This is a real occult object!" The two seniors stared in awe at the item wrapped in talisman paper.

"I'll be taking my leave then, Senpai." Yuji turned around and waved his hand.

"Eh? You're not staying?"

"No, I have things to do." Yuji suddenly paused his stride and glanced back at them, his hollow eyes catching a fleeting glimpse of the shadow of death hanging over them. "Senpai, you shouldn't unwrap that talisman paper."

He gave them one final warning before walking away for good.

"Itadori seems weird today," the girl commented, watching Yuji's retreating figure.

"Yeah. Did he eat something bad?"

 

.....

 

Yuji walked casually past the school gates when he brushed past a young man with messy black hair and a rather grumpy expression.

Just then, Yuji received a phone call from the nurse delivering the bad news. His footsteps halted for a fraction of a second before he decided to just run. At the very least, he wanted to watch the old man enter the gates of reincarnation.

The black-haired teen stared at him for a moment before rushing into the school. However, as the boy passed him, something seemed to trigger an instinct, making him stop and look back.

"Hey, you—"

The pink-haired boy he was looking at vanished from sight with incredible speed.

 


 

Yuji received confirmation that the old man had passed away. He arrived at the hospital to handle the cremation procedures.

There was absolutely no grief in him, only a faint curiosity about whether the old man had died in peace or harboring resentment.

If it were the latter, it would be a hassle, as it would generate cursed energy that could manifest a curse into the world.

Not that I care anymore...

It wouldn't even be a bad thing if this world crumbled because of curses. Perhaps then he could finally get the absolute end he desired.

By the time he finished dealing with the cremation procedures, which required a tedious amount of signatures and paperwork, it was already night.

As he was preparing to leave, a figure emerged from the shadows near the reception desk.

"Are you Itadori Yuji?"

Oh, it was the emo kid he had seen at the school gates.

Where have I seen him before? Yuji had seen far too many souls, to the point where he frequently forgot the faces of people he used to know.

"What is it?" Yuji noted that the teen looked visibly anxious and panicked.

"Hand over that object!" The boy didn't mince words, delivering a direct command.

Sukuna's finger, right. Then he must be... What was his name again? I don't remember...

Yuji knew he was supposed to recognize the boy in front of him, but he couldn't even recall his name.

"I already gave that object to my club seniors, if that's what you're looking for," he replied indifferently, pulling out the empty sealing box to show him.

The boy's expression shifted instantly, sweat breaking out on his face as horror and dread washed over him.

"How could you... No, more importantly, where are they right now?! That object is extremely dangerous!" The teen grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

Yuji swatted his hands away, finding the physical contact irritating, and explained calmly, "I believe they are in the school's club room right now."

If he remembered correctly, the incident took place at night, so the timing should be about right.

The boy cursed, "Damn it!" He immediately spun around to sprint off, but paused as a thought struck him. "You're coming with me!"

He dragged Yuji along because Yuji's calm demeanor, acting as if he already knew exactly what was going on, felt highly suspicious.

Yuji simply ran alongside him toward the school, offering no intention of pointing out any shortcuts. He didn't even know why he was bothering to go witness the chaos. It felt exhausting.

The boy ran with everything he had, but he was still no match for Yuji's physical capabilities; eventually, Yuji ended up leading the way.

Without taking any shortcuts, it took them a bit of time to arrive, and an immense cursed energy had already blanketed the entire school.

The black-haired teen's expression turned grim. He immediately vaulted over the fence, throwing a command over his shoulder: "Stay here! Don't go anywhere!"

He knew he needed to bring this pink-haired kid to Gojo-sensei later, because for some reason, just looking at him gave him a horrible gut feeling.

Yuji didn't bother replying, merely standing casually in front of the school gates.

He watched the emo kid sprint into the club building, where the cursed energy was most heavily concentrated.

What am I even doing here? Is there any point in saving them? They're going to end up at the gates of reincarnation eventually anyway. It makes no difference whether they die now or later...

Yuji wasn't sure if his outlook was correct, but right now, he had no compelling reason to save people who were ultimately dying by their own foolish choices.

Well, let's just go take a look...

He finally decided to see how their fates would play out. With an effortless leap, he cleared the fence and bounced off a few building ledges to reach the floor where the unfortunate souls were located.

As it turned out, the black-haired teen had arrived first and had already summoned two shikigami.

I feel like I've done this exact same thing before... A flash of déjà vu washed over him, sparking a sudden curiosity to follow the rhythm of that memory.

He launched himself forward, kicking through the glass window, and moved seamlessly toward the cursed spirit holding the two terrified seniors hostage.

Yuji threw a precise punch at the curse before grabbing the two seniors and pulling them out of harm's way. The feeling of déjà vu grew exponentially stronger, but something was still missing.

He felt like he was supposed to say something important here.

What was it?

"I don't think they're supposed to die like this," he finally said, staring at the black-haired teen as if searching for a specific reaction.

Unfortunately, the boy was entirely occupied with fighting off the curse and didn't witness his actions.

Hmm... Yuji shook his head slightly, watching the remains of the cursed spirit get consumed by the shikigami.

Without the teen's knowledge, Yuji utilized his intrinsic understanding of soul traces to subtly alter the curse's core, completely purifying it on a fundamental level, leaving absolutely no chance for it to ever manifest again.

I'm not supposed to be working... He suddenly snapped out of it, realizing he had acted out of pure muscle memory from his routine in the transit realm.

It seemed purifying curses whenever he saw them had simply become an ingrained instinct.

Right at that moment, Yuji glanced up at the ceiling directly above his head. A cursed spirit of a much higher grade than the previous one was lurking there.

Yuji pretended not to notice, waiting to see how the other boy would react.

"Are you a Jujutsu sorcerer? Why are you so calm looking at these monstrosities?" The boy questioned him, sensing that something was fundamentally wrong with the way Yuji looked at curses.

It wasn't the look of someone seeing a monster; it was the look of someone staring at a piece of trash that simply needed to be swept away.

"Who knows? Maybe you have the answer." Yuji was too detached to give a proper response, choosing instead to pick up Sukuna's finger, which the female senior had dropped.

He examined the finger, then asked, almost on an instinctual autopilot dictated by his déjà vu: "Is this edible?"

"Don't be ridiculous! Cursed spirits only want to consume it because it grants an immense amount of cursed energy," the boy explained, when his face suddenly twisted in horror. He lunged forward, shoving Yuji out of the way. "Get back!"

Crash!

The massive cursed spirit that had been lying in wait broke through, launching a devastating assault on the black-haired teen.

Why did he go out of his way to save me?

It felt like a dull, faint thud against a corner of his otherwise dead heart.

Yuji stared at the finger in his hand for a brief second before shifting his gaze to the teen's desperate struggle against the curse.

In reality, Yuji didn't need to eat Sukuna's finger at all right now. For some reason, the immense power tied to his soul from his 400-year existence was still entirely intact. Eating the finger wouldn't make much of a difference; if anything, it would just invite a whole lot of trouble.

But then again, hadn't he wanted to see what would happen if he just let the established timeline play out?

Maybe that would be far more entertaining than trying to change things, which might just result in an even bigger hassle.

Ultimately, Yuji raised the finger to his mouth and swallowed it effortlessly. He didn't care about the taste.

In that instant, his consciousness was pulled into the inner domain activated by the finger.

 

.....

 

"Who are you?" A harsh, domineering voice rang out, laced with a clear note of caution toward this sudden intruder who had entered his domain without permission.

Yuji looked at the figure of Sukuna sitting atop a mountain of bones. This inner domain reminded him quite a bit of the transit realm, except outside of the usual grim scenery, the rest of it was incredibly uninspired and boring.

"Aren't you bored just sitting around here?"

The question caught Sukuna completely off guard. "How do you know about that?"

"I can give you the chance to use my body. Don't you want to see how interesting the outside world is?" Yuji offered, laying down bait for a binding vow.

He was curious to see what Sukuna actually wanted. Was it the destruction of the world? The fulfillment of an absolute thirst for power? Or did he just want to have some fun?

What did any of those things actually feel like?

Yuji wanted to see it firsthand, because he himself could no longer feel those desires.

Sukuna narrowed his eyes, staring intently at him as if trying to gauge whether this was a trick or a bluff. But a moment later, his brows arched in genuine surprise as if he had realized something extraordinary about the boy's soul.

He leaped down from the pile of bones, stepping closer to examine Yuji.

"You're an interesting one," Sukuna praised, calculating what kind of binding vow this kid was trying to propose.

"You can use my body to do whatever you want, whenever you want. But in exchange, you have to show me what it feels like. Oh, and also, this is a partnership. If I need to switch back temporarily, you have to comply, and vice versa depending on the situation," Yuji explained, laying out a binding vow proposal that was riddled with massive loopholes for Sukuna to exploit.

He didn't forbid Sukuna from killing anyone, nor did he restrict him from committing atrocities with his body.

He genuinely didn't care about those things anymore; he only possessed a lingering spark of curiosity for whatever drama would unfold.

"Hey, brat. Are you trying to test me?" Sukuna clearly understood the underlying lack of care in the boy's words, but instead of being angered, his amusement only grew.

The brat standing before him didn't feel like a human, nor did he feel like a curse. Suddenly, Sukuna found himself far more intrigued by Yuji's true identity than the mere opportunity to run amok.

Yuji shrugged lightly. "I'm just offering a deal because it seems like a fun experiment. Are you in or out?"

Sukuna grinned, breaking out into a booming, manic laugh. "Brat, I acknowledge your existence. Fine, let's just see if you'll end up regretting this later."

 


 

The moment his consciousness snapped back to the real world, black tattoos manifested across Yuji's skin, and his entire countenance shifted.

"This brat really is something else," Sukuna muttered through Yuji's mouth. "Well, at least I finally got out of that miserable place." He had been utterly bored out of his mind in there.

Sukuna cast his gaze toward the cursed spirit pinning down the black-haired teen.

"Hey, brat. Do you want to save the kid with the weird hair?" Sukuna crossed his arms, acting as if he were merely watching a theatrical performance.

"Do whatever you want."

"Heh." Sukuna chuckled softly.

This was truly the first time he had ever met someone like this, someone who willingly handed over the reins to do whatever he pleased without a shred of fear.

Is there absolutely nothing this brat fears?

"Hmm, let me think about what I want to do..."

If the brat didn't fear anything, then slaughtering humans wouldn't be shocking or entertaining at all. In fact, it might actually surprise the kid more if he did the exact opposite.

Sukuna clapped his hands together, having decided on his course of action. Seeing that the black-haired teen was battered and on the verge of death, he moved like lightning toward the cursed spirit and tore it to shreds.

The power of a single finger wasn't enough to unleash his full cursed technique, but it was more than enough to handle a low-grade curse like this.

"Hahaha! How was that, brat?!" Sukuna ripped the hoodie off his upper body, proudly baring his half-naked torso.

"...Whatever."

He could practically hear the brat's mental sigh. Fascinating. The kid had actually reacted to an action completely inverted from what was expected.

"You..." The black-haired teen stared in utter shock at Yuji, who had clearly transformed into Sukuna.

His expression quickly hardened into an aggressive stance. "Itadori Yuji! Under Jujutsu regulations, you are to be executed!" He fell into a combat stance, preparing to summon his strongest shikigami.

"Really?"

Sukuna raised an eyebrow, hearing the note of genuine anticipation in the brat's inner voice. It sounded as though the kid was actually looking forward to it.

"Brat, swap back out and handle this annoying mess yourself." The markings across his body faded away as Sukuna willingly handed full control back to Yuji.

Right at that moment, a figure materialized out of nowhere right next to the black-haired teen.

"Yo, Megumi-chan! How're you holding up? Wow, you look like a total mess, I definitely need to take a picture of this," a man wearing a prominent blindfold greeted cheerfully, waving his phone around.

"Gojo-sensei..." The black-haired boy, Megumi, finally let out a sigh of relief at his teacher's arrival.

"So, where's Sukuna's finger?"

Gojo's attention shifted over to the pink-haired boy, then back to Megumi. "Hmm, Megumi-chan, what's the situation here?"

Yuji spoke up first, his voice tinged with an eerie sense of hope. "I ate it."

"What?" Gojo turning to him as if he had just heard something wildly absurd. "Sukuna's finger?"

Yuji nodded flatly. "So, I'm going to be executed now, right?"

"...." Megumi and Gojo exchanged a long, bewildered look.

At that exact moment, the same exact thought crossed both of their minds: This pink-haired kid is weirdly excited about being executed.

***