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When it was dark, Kageyama realized he could see the stars from Hinata’s window. He sat up to give them a closer look.
“Kageyama?” Hinata muttered, sitting up in his futon and rubbing his face. “What’re you doing?”
Kageyama looked back. He didn’t know what to say, so he turned away from the window and laid down again, closing his eyes.
He heard a whisper two minutes later.
“Kageyama,” a voice said. Kageyama didn’t know how, but he could almost hear the grin that accompanied it. “Do you wanna go outside?”
“No,” Kageyama mumbled, trying to appear sleepy.
“Yeah.”
“…Okay.”
Hinata silently stepped out of the bedroom, tiptoeing his way through the halls and motioning for Kageyama to follow. Kageyama reluctantly climbed out of bed and trailed behind him as he navigated the darkness until they eventually reached the back door. Hinata swung it open so it didn’t create a creaking sound, finally exposing them to the outside.
Kageyama stood still, a little in awe of how the world continued to move even when everyone else was stopped. The cold air held his hand and tickled his nose, brushing his cheeks and blowing gently through his hair. The soft chirping of crickets and the occasional hoot of an owl (or some kind of bird) could be heard in the distance, and he could smell the tall pines and the just-cut grass and fresh fall of rain on dainty flower petals. The moonlight reflected off of the sleeping sunflowers and traced an intricate outline along the shape of Hinata’s face, making him look almost ethereal. And kind of spirity. Spirit-like. Whatever.
“Ahh,” Hinata sighed, flopping onto the grass and staring up at the sky. Kageyama stared down at his closed eyes and ever-bright smile, wondering if his so-called best friend was always this dreamy at night and he was just too blind to see it during the day. When Hinata opened his eyes, Kageyama found himself wanting to fall into them, and when Hinata laughed, Kageyama heard wind chimes—twirling and ringing on a hot summer day, accompanied by popsicles and long walks home. This is weird.
“Kageyama-kun,” he giggled. “Why’re you just standing there like that? Come here.” He patted the grassy spot next to him encouragingly, then looked back up at the sky.
So Kageyama laid down next to Hinata, and Hinata rambled on about something that made no sense while he slowly nodded off. It felt completely normal, but it also felt different from that moment on. Like something real had just taken control of his heart.
When the feeling followed Kageyama home, to school, and even to volleyball practice, he began to wonder if it was normal to feel this way about a best friend. He’d never had one before, so how could he?
“Well,” his sister had said, tapping her chin and leaning against the kitchen counter. “Do you want to kiss him?”
Kageyama wrinkled his nose at first, but then remembered Hinata’s moonlit eyes and lips and silky hair running through his head. He remembered Hinata’s soft fingers, the warmth of his touch when pulling Kageyama through a busy crowd. He remembered the pink in his cheeks on a cold, snowy day, and the deep, flushed red whenever Kageyama stared a little too hard at the tip of his perfect, pointed nose.
“…Yeah.”
Yeah.
Kageyama clamped his hand over his mouth and ran the other one through his hair. His face was suddenly very hot.
“Yes!” Miwa shouted, jumping up and pointing at him.
“Fuck you.” Kageyama flushed, burying his face in his hands.
Miwa cackled, throwing her head back as she closed the fridge, popsicle in hand. “You play with his hair…” she wheezed as Kageyama stalked back to his room with a scowl, slamming the door shut. What good help was she anyway?
That had been a year ago, and now the two of them were seniors, third-years, mentors to all, along with Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and Yachi. Kageyama was still painfully aware of the way Hinata tilted his chin to look at him, the way Hinata’s eyes sparkled with excitement whenever he mentioned something he loved, and that one time Hinata had gently poked his cheek when he wasn’t paying attention. The feeling wasn’t even worth pushing down, bottling up anymore—Kageyama knew that they were real, alive and pulsing through his brain. And they weren't going away any time soon.
Maybe, just this once, he lied in bed thinking about it for too long, because he woke up an hour past his alarm. Meaning, he missed morning practice.
Fuck, he muttered under his breath, grabbing his things and running out of the house. The rising summer heat beat down on his neck as cicadas buzzed and clicked in his ear. His feet skidded and flew at a decent pace over the sidewalk, but he still felt something different pounding in his chest. The guilt of missing was definitely there; he’d never done that before. Maybe he was scared of rejection? He had to confess at some point, right?
When he finally arrived at school, panting from both physical and mental exhaustion, Hinata was standing right outside, looking down excitedly at something wrapped in paper. When he saw Kageyama approaching, he quickly put the thing in his backpack and grinned.
“Where were you?” he said almost teasingly, letting himself fall in pace with Kageyama. “Does this mean I get a free point?”
“Just this once. I guess,” Kageyama said reluctantly, looking away. His words felt wrong; awkward and slow. He shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling the blood rush into his cheeks as Hinata leaned closer jokingly.
“Kageyama-kun,” he said playfully, drawing out his name. “Are you forgetting something? Is there anything you want to say to me, maybe?” The look in Hinata’s eyes was very expectant, like he was waiting for something obvious. Kageyama slowly turned to look at him, trying to hide the mortification that was rising from within. How…How…There's no way.
“...Hm?” he said weakly after a few moments of silence, determined not to let any of his emotions surface to his face. “No.”
Hinata looked surprised, and there was a glimmer of confusion followed by a quick flash of hurt in his eyes. “Oh. Okay,” he replied with a quick shrug, picking up his walking pace.
Kageyama tilted his head in confusion, then shook it again, jogging slightly to catch up and follow Hinata into the school building.
The day ran by uneventfully (Well, who knew, it might have been exciting, but Kageyama slept through most of his classes as per usual) and lunch came sooner than he would have expected. Usually, Hinata burst into his classroom with tons of energy and a bunch of new competition ideas, but today it had been ten minutes and he still hadn’t shown up. Kageyama decided not to go looking, because Hinata maybe wanted some space today or something. He was, after all, still confused about what had happened in the morning.
“Sorry!”
Kageyama whipped his head around to the familiar voice, and sure enough, it was him. Hinata was speedwalking towards him, finally plopping down on the seat in front of him and turning the chair so they were facing each other, like usual. “Sorry,” Hinata said again. He was smiling like normal, so Kageyama allowed himself to breathe more easily. “I had to stop by my locker to drop some stuff off.”
Kageyama continued unwrapping his lunch. “‘S fine,” he muttered, taking a sip from his still-full milk carton. “What did you have to drop off?” he attempted to make conversation (which was really saying something) and he could tell both of them were acting strangely more polite and closed off than usual.
“Ah,” Hinata said awkwardly, looking down at his thumbs.
He doesn’t want to tell me, Kageyama realized, feeling something heavy drop in his stomach.
The rest of the period was extremely weird and uncomfortable. Kageyama didn’t like it; he felt like there was a small barrier forming between them. Is it my fault? He wondered as Hinata left the classroom to go back to his own. He thought back to the interaction in the morning once again, where it all seemed to go downhill. For the rest of the day, their failed interactions were all Kageyama could think about. On a separate note, he was also worried about their gameplay and hated his stupid feelings for getting in the way. He spiraled into thoughts of Hinata never speaking to him again, and having to live with this crushing, painful, omnipresent feeling of being in love forever.
The bell finally rang, and school was over. This was usually when Kageyama found Hinata so that they could walk to the gym together. Today, he walked to the gym alone.
Kageyama made sure to get there early, and he basically had the entire locker room to himself since some of the new first years were still scared of him and avoided him at all costs (Of course nobody believed him on this, but he did really feel bad.) He changed quickly and made his way to the court, starting on warmups alone. Hinata arrived right after him (of course, why didn’t Kageyama think of that?), so it was just both of them alone in the gym. Hinata used one wall, doing some drill to practice his receives, while Kageyama sat cross-legged in the opposite corner, setting the ball over and over until his fingers were sore. The first and second years trickled in slowly, and Kageyama could tell that they were confused as to why him and Hinata weren't engaging. Then Tsukishima walked in, and he really gave them a look; not one of annoyance or anger, but more of amusement. Kageyama ignored it with all his might until Yamaguchi and Ukai finally arrived and started handing out directions.
They attempted a few quicks, but Kageyama could tell neither of them really felt like they had it in them to connect today. Ukai noticed, raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Yamaguchi whispered something to him, Yachi looked a little sick, and Kageyama felt bad for making her worry. Tsukishima, irritably enough, kept it going with his oddly satisfied smirk.
When the practice was finally over, Kageyama was starting to get defensive and a little annoyed. To make this clear, he very obviously walked right past him and Hinata's usual changing spot, ducking into a different corner with his things. Hinata noticed and froze a little, but said nothing and didn't follow him. Kageyama also made sure to leave before he did, shooting him an unintended nasty glare, before dramatically stalking out of the locker room. He knew he was acting like a total jackass, but avoiding Hinata seemed like the best thing he could do at that moment.
He had only been walking for five minutes, storming down the dusky-dark sidewalk, when someone ran past him in a flash.
Obviously, it was Hinata.
“Idiot—” he began instinctively, then shut his mouth. Hinata had parked himself right in front of Kageyama, panting from running and holding his hands out wide, like he was trying to prevent him from going any further. Kageyama stood up a little straighter, confused. He felt like if he talked to Hinata right now, all he would do is insult him—but what in the world, Hinata looked so pretty, standing against the setting sun with the wind blowing in his hair. Suddenly, the familiar, longing feeling washed over him again. His mind became cluttered with early morning races that felt unreal, the sound of Hinata calling his name, and the smile he flashes after they shock an unsuspecting team with their quick. And just like that, like some kind of magic spell, Kageyama felt like he was floating higher and higher, above everything else; he had all of the confidence in the world at his fingertips, and there was somehow a voice in his head saying, do it. Do it now.
Hinata was just finishing explaining whatever he had been clarifying, waving his hands frantically as if it would help convey his point or something. “…really sorry. Okay? I’m not sure what I—Kageyama? Kageyama?”
Kageyama blinked. “What?”
Hinata groaned. “Pay attention for once, asshole! I was telling you—”
“I like you,” Kageyama blurted.
Blood rushed into his ears. Hinata was staring at him. But not in a disgusted way—more like an open, happy way. The way Kageyama stared at the outside when Hinata first showed him his yard a year ago.
“I…like you too,” Hinata said slowly, looking slightly skeptical, but nonetheless happy.
"Like, a lot," Kageyama added, his face scorching. "I like you...a lot."
"Y-Yeah..." Hinata said, hiding a small, wobbly smile.
A crow cawed from somewhere in the distance.
When neither of them moved after a few more moments, Hinata suddenly shoved the bag he was holding into Kageyama’s face.
“What the—” Kageyama seethed, catching it before it fell. He then rubbed his throbbing face with his free hand, contemplating for a second if it felt hot because of Hinata or because of the bag. He looked up at the former, still extremely lost.
Hinata crossed his arms expectantly, motioning with his head for Kageyama to look inside, which he did.
The bag was filled with gifts. There were about five or six of them, some wrapped, some in paper bags, some with bows, and all with a card attached, big or small.
Kageyama still didn’t understand. “Who are these for?”
Hinata smacked his own forehead. Kageyama could see the red creeping onto his cheeks, giving him a flustered look.
“Huh?”
“It’s my birthday, Kageyama!”
“Oh.”
That explained a lot.
“Oh. Oh god.” Kageyama clamped his hand over his mouth and stared up at the sky, thinking over how stupid he'd been the entire day. I’ve ruined it all. It’s his stupid birthday. Then again, I’ve ruined it all. His mind was terrible at comprehending things like these.
Then, to his surprise, Hinata started laughing.
Wind chimes.
He was still giggling and wiping away small tears when he attempted to talk. “Kageyama-kun, you—you’re so, so—stupid—” before dissolving again in laughter. Kageyama stared, cheeks burning, relieved but still very confused. But somehow, through it all, a small smile of his own began to form on his lips because Hinata just looked so happy.
When the other finally calmed down, Kageyama ducked his head, trying to hide his face, and covered his mouth to hide his smile. “Sorry,” he said softly, still looking away.
At first, Hinata looked sympathetic and sweet, tipping his head as he tried to catch Kageyama's smile. Then, he smiled again, but Kageyama suddenly felt a little concerned, because the smile was neither bright and cheery, nor quiet and sweet. It was something new altogether that he'd never encountered before.
Hinata rocked on his heels. “I have an idea of how you could make it up to me," he said quietly.
Kageyama tilted his head slightly. “What—”
Hinata was suddenly on his tiptoes and holding Kageyama’s face in his warm, soft hands, bringing those lips right before his own. His glowing, golden brown eyes stared into Kageyama’s and Kageyama couldn't even bring himself think this was real and he literally could not breathe, and everything was so fucking hot and he was so, stupidly flustered, god—those eyes had to be fake. He'd been dreaming of this for—for—
“Can I kiss you?” Hinata murmured.
Kageyama could only nod, and Hinata gently closed the gap in between them. Nothing was perfect, but this was, and it was like everything they had both been imagining for so, so long.
--
They were at Hinata’s house now, curled up in his bed. Kageyama was leaning against the bedpost, one arm on top of Hinata and the other getting lost in his hair. Hinata laid on top of him with his head in Kageyama’s lap. He would shift occasionally, but Kageyama didn’t mind, so long as he didn’t leave.
Hinata’s birthday presents sat uncoordinatedly against the wall—one LEGO set, some new knee pads, a box of pokemon cards, face masks, and a bunch of other junk that Hinata loved. Wrapping paper was shoved haphazardly into the corner, and all the lights were off except for the dim one planted on the nightstand. Outside, it was a cloudy night with only about two stars in sight, shining brighter than the rest. They might’ve been satellites, but Kageyama pretended they weren’t just this once.
“I love you,” Hinata suddenly murmured into Kageyama’s sweatshirt.
When Kageyama didn’t reply, Hinata picked his head up and repositioned himself so he was next to Kageyama rather than on top.
“Sorry,” he said quickly, leaning into his shoulder. “Is it too early?”
Kageyama thought for a moment. Everything about this felt so, so right that he wasn’t sure it was real.
He turned his head to face Hinata’s.
Hinata’s stupid face with his magical brown eyes and soft, soft lips and the slight, gentle upturn of his nose. The three singular freckles dotting the places no one ever looked as carefully as him. The way his eyebrows pinched and the simple, steady glow radiating slowly from his skin. He felt the warmth travel down his spine like a big, soulful river.
--
Kageyama woke in the middle of the night to Hinata beside him, his chest rising slowly as he inhaled and exhaled, breathing quietly through his nose. Somehow, he was transported back to that night in the backyard, silvery moonlight spilling over everything it could reach.
And then he realized that it wasn't too early. It was much, much too late.
"Love you too."
Hinata smiled quietly but happily, keeping his eyes closed. Kageyama did the same.
"Oi."
"Yeah?"
"Happy birthday."
Hinata giggled softly in reply. "Thanks."