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Eddie’s been through a lot.
He knows he’s been through a lot.
Whether it’s being trapped underneath a well, shot thrice, and now stabbed mid-prayer in a hospital chapel, Eddie has a comfortable relationship with the fear surrounding his own impending death.
It’s not like he’s actively chasing down the moment that he meets his end, but death comes for all, and Eddie has made his peace with it.
In all truthfulness, he cannot recount how he felt within the moments when he ‘saw the light’ – if the bright light even came for him at all.
What he can recount is the deafening ring in his ears the moment he saw Shannon lying out in that street. The way his heart lurched, his stomach bile rising in his throat as he realized that she was going to die. A cold sweat doesn’t even begin to describe the dread that overtook him when the finality of her life became such a harsh reality that his hands became useless, his tongue an unmoving and foreign entity in his mouth.
And months later, when he found Buck, covered in dirt and blood, long gashes sliced down his face, not only halfway to death but with Christopher’s glasses hanging from his neck.
His mind immediately jumped to that moment with Shannon in the ambulance, weighing the odds, his brain processes slowing down as he assessed the scene before him.
Buck was there, alive. That was a good thing, yes.
Christopher was not there. Buck was not with Christopher.
Christopher was somewhere, there was a tsunami, and Buck was standing right there.
If Buck was there, where was Christopher? And why does Buck look like the personification of heartbreak?
By the Grace of God, Eddie didn’t have to face hours of waiting — the brutal unknowing.
His son returned to him within moments, and the unknown quickly became known.
Christopher was safe.
Recently, Eddie spent hours without knowing.
He spent an entire day, angry, hurting, and downright terrified as his brain harassed him with hypothetical scenarios of what Buck was enduring in that lonely desert in New Mexico.
The worst part was that rescuing Buck categorized itself into a weird third space for Eddie. It wasn’t the relief that he was awarded when his son returned to him unscathed, and it wasn’t the abject grief and horror that followed after Shannon closed her eyes for a final time.
It was finding out that Buck was tortured, physically and mentally. It was finding him in clothes that weren’t his, his body bleeding internally, with tears practically tattooed onto his face.
It was stomach-churning guilt and anguish that only continued the longer that Buck continued to suffer.
It was handing him fever-reducing medication as chills tore him apart, night after night. It was Eddie smoothing back Buck’s sweat-slicked curls, reading him a novel until his breath evened, only to retreat into the bathroom and curse the man looking back.
Cursing himself for not noticing, for not pushing Buck harder to tell him the truth.
He knows it was a futile effort and that Buck needed to tell the team on his own terms. He did the right thing by being there for him, even if he didn’t know what was truly going on.
But Buck’s agonizing whimpers as he shifted around in his bed each night rang in his ear for far too long after the man finally recovered.
And then Theo.
Theo came into Buck’s life, a ball of endless energy and smiles and love and mischief, and Eddie knew he was a goner.
He didn’t know it yet, but Eddie loved Theo from the moment that little boy took off, flying past Buck with a bright red balloon in his hand, his melodic laughter trailing him as he raced to his next adventure.
Watching Buck chase him around the firehouse with a grin plastered on his face as the two of them just enjoyed themselves. They enjoyed life like they were being paid to do so, and Eddie could not look away.
When Buck decided to take Theo in, Eddie knew that it was the right decision.
Buck, though, did not feel the same way.
Not because he didn’t love the boy – it was quite obvious that Buck would sooner lay down his own life than let anything happen to a single hair on his blond head – it was because Buck felt inadequate.
Over the course of a few months, Eddie received several after-dinner phone calls from an overtired Buck, begging Eddie for advice on how to settle him down.
“You like sleeping with a weighted blanket, no?” Eddie says into his phone, which balances on his shoulder as he folds some of Christopher’s laundry.
“Yeah,” Buck sighs loudly, “but I’m a grown man, and my weighted blanket weighs as much as he does.”
Eddie barks out a laugh, putting the phone on speaker, “Definitely don’t put a 20-pound blanket on that kid, Buck.” He shakes his head, a grin on his face, “Order a lighter version and see how he likes it. For now, just tuck him in super tight, and see if the pressure calms him down.”
“Yeah, well, that would require him lying down long enough for me to tuck him in, in the first place.”
“Let me talk to him,” Eddie replies, casually.
“Talk to him – talk to Theo?” Buck asks, surprised.
“Yeah, he listens to me better,” Eddie teases, although there is much truth to the statement. It seems as though mini-Buck likes to give big-Buck a run for his money at every chance he gets, but has enough wherewithal to understand that input from another trusted adult means it’s time to follow instructions.
Part of it, Eddie thinks, is that Theo feels safe enough to act out in front of Buck. It’s not necessarily due to a lack of respect, but rather the knowledge that Buck won’t give up, no matter how many times the little boy colors on the walls or knocks a picture frame right off its hook.
Toddler-proofing is not an exact science.
It took them a while to get there, though. Months of Buck reassuring Theo that there is nothing he could do that would cause Buck to ‘give him back,’ an insecurity that Theo verbalized when his fear of abandonment got too heavy for him to bear on his own.
“Fine,” Buck says, and after a bit of movement, Eddie can hear the enthusiastic sing-song voice of a toddler who is not quite ready for bed.
Eddie switches the phone to FaceTime and waits for it to connect.
“Eddie!” Theo shrieks into the phone, clapping his hands together and waving at Eddie with vigor.
“Hi there, trouble,” Eddie teases, and Theo laughs so hard that he falls back onto his pillow. “I hear that someone doesn’t want to go to bed.”
“It’s not bedtime,” Theo giggles, thrashing his tiny body about, kicking off his firefighter quilt in the process. He hears the fabric hit the floor with a light ‘thump’.
“It’s bedtime, Theo,” Eddie says, “Christopher is already asleep.”
Theo’s body stops all at once, Eddie’s words and their meaning infiltrating that too-smart-for-his-own-good brain of his and ceasing all movement in the process.
“Christopher is asleep?” he asks, cautiously, like he’s afraid to find out the answer.
“Yeah, Christopher is already asleep, buddy.”
Theo sighs dramatically and with full gusto, all the fight leaving him as he stares up at the ceiling.
“But I don't want to go to bed,” he whines quietly.
“I know,” Eddie says empathetically, “Going to bed is Buck’s least favorite part of the day, too. But, hey,” he continues, “The more sleep you get, the more energy you have for adventures tomorrow. Isn’t that right, Buck?”
“That’s right,” Buck says, “and Eddie told me that he was going to take you to see the Hollywood sign tomorrow.”
Eddie had not told Buck that he was going to take Theo to see the Hollywood sign.
Buck’s face appears on the screen, wearing a knowing grin, and Eddie realizes, with a fond sort of inevitability, that they’ll be going to the Hollywood sign tomorrow.
“Alright, then,” Eddie laughs, “you better get some sleep, Theo. We have a lot of hiking to do tomorrow.”
Theo grins up at Buck and starts rambling about how much fun he’s going to have “on his way to Hollywood”, and Eddie takes that as his cue to hang up.
What Eddie doesn’t know is that he’s about to come face to face with fear once more.
Only this time, it’s a new type of fear.
The fear that comes with living through a moment where his own mortality hangs in the balance, only this time, Eddie is not alone.
Only this time, there is no peace to be had. No quiet, subconscious resignation as he nears his end.
Because this time, he’s with Buck’s son.
—
The day started wonderfully.
“Good morning!” Eddie greets as he pushes open the door to the Buckley household.
He hears a delighted shriek from the kitchen and the sound of small feet hitting linoleum as Theo sprints to meet him.
Eddie bends down and scoops up the kid, settling him on his hip with a grunt. He’s mostly healed from the whole ‘getting stabbed’ incident, with some residual soreness that fades more and more as the days pass.
He’s almost cleared for work, and while he’s mostly excited to return to his life’s passion, part of him is going to miss this. He’s going to miss the quality time he gets with Theo, the growing bond between them, as Eddie becomes an adult that the kid can rely on.
Eddie likes being in Theo’s life. He likes that Theo asks him for advice. He likes that – other than Buck – he’s the adult that he turns to when he’s going through a tough moment.
Theo trusts him, and Eddie guards that gift with his life.
“Hi, there,” Eddie says, bouncing Theo in excitement as the kid gives him a toothy grin.
“Theo,” Buck says, coming into the room and placing his work bag at his feet, “remember what I said about being gentle. Eddie is still recovering.”
Eddie waves him off, “Nonsense. I’m going back to work next week.”
Theo begins to wiggle in Eddie’s arms, signaling that he wants to be put down.
“I packed a bag,” Buck says, holding up Theo’s Spiderman backpack. “I wasn’t sure if you guys were going to come back here, or go to yours after, but there is lunch and money for takeout if you guys wanted to get pizza or something.”
“Pizza!” Theo screams, running into his bedroom.
Eddie lets out a laugh, grabbing the bag from Buck.
“Put your sneakers on,” Eddie calls after him. “The Hollywood sign waits for no one.”
Theo rushes back into the foyer, hands on his hips.
“But I wanted to wear my Crocs today,” he pouts.
Eddie puts his hands on his hips, jokingly matching the kid’s body language, “I love your crocs too, but the trails have a lot of rocks that will get stuck in the holes. You gotta wear your sneakers today.”
“Crocs,” Theo bargains, narrowing his eyes at Eddie.
“Crocs for after the hike,” Eddie repeats, “Let’s wear your Lightning McQueen sneakers for the hike. The ones that light up real bright.”
Theo huffs, grumbling something under his breath before turning on his heel, returning to his room with fervor.
Theo comes back moments later, arms filled with the two pairs of aforementioned shoes, and Buck lets out a laugh as a Croc tumbles to the ground.
There’s a pile of laundry on the couch, so Buck grabs a pair of socks and meets Theo on the ground, who is attempting to put on his Cars-themed sneakers.
“Socks first, remember?” Buck says warmly, urging his son to sit on his butt while he slips the white socks on his feet. He grins up at Eddie sheepishly, “I meant to fold those this morning.”
“Perks of parenthood,” Eddie responds, throwing Theo’s bag over his shoulder. “There’s never enough time in a day.”
Buck lets out an amused breath, patting Theo’s leg to signal he’s all done.
“Be good for Eddie today, alright, buddy?” Buck hauls Theo to his feet. “Stay close to him, and make sure you have your listening ears on.”
Theo nods, grinning up at Eddie with unabashed excitement. He stomps his feet enthusiastically, and his shoes light up in response.
Eddie winces, not remembering LED kids' shoes being that bright when he was Theo’s age.
“I’m ready, Eddie,” Theo sings, giggling as he rhymes.
“Yes, you are!” Eddie says, meeting his enthusiasm and grabbing the Crocs from Buck.
Buck gives Eddie a warm look, crossing his arms across his chest. Eddie resists the urge to let his eyes trail over the broad expanse of his best friend’s shoulders, appreciating just how big he is.
He doesn’t know when he started doing it, or when he started noticing the way Buck filled out his shirts, the way his arms bulged as he did mundane tasks.
The alarm bells started ringing, one night after the world had quieted, when Eddie let himself wonder what it would feel like to be held by those arms, to get a whiff of Buck’s aftershave up close.
He’s never felt like this before, especially about a man, but things have certainly shifted in the way Eddie classifies his feelings towards Buck.
It terrifies him, truthfully, how much he wants him. He wasn’t supposed to want him, not like this.
He’s seen Buck at his most vulnerable, in his softest moments, early morning, when the man is dressed in worn sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair mussed from sleep. He’s seen him sleep-deprived, with deep purple circles under his eyes, as Buck struggles through his anxieties regarding parenthood.
Eddie's seen Buck when he wasn’t sure whether he’d ever see him again — beaten and traumatized in the clothes of a sick woman’s son — and he’s never seen anybody look so beautiful.
Eddie is not sure how he missed something as revolutionary as this.
Buck spent the past seven years of his life at his side, helping Eddie raise Christopher, not because of some misplaced sense of duty, but because he really, truly loves the kid.
As Christopher’s parent, he didn’t necessarily catch the domesticity within Buck’s devotion to his son. His son is the light of his life, his heart outside of his body, so it seemed inevitable that Buck would adore him all the same.
When Theo arrived, and Buck went through a rocky adjustment period, Eddie realized that it was a choice. Buck chose to help – to be there for them in a way no one else has.
Eddie is now making that same choice for Theo.
“Thank you, Eds,” Buck says, his voice sweet and fond in the way it usually is when he’s talking to Eddie.
“No thanks needed,” Eddie replies. “It’s been nice to hang out with Theo while Chris is at school. Helps me break up the days,” he ruffles Theo’s hair, “plus, we always have such a fun time, right?”
Theo nods enthusiastically, slipping his hand into Eddie’s. He’s practically vibrating with excitement, swinging their joined fists around as he jumps up on the balls of his feet.
An indecipherable look crosses Buck’s face at the sight, but it’s undeniably fond as he holds Eddie’s eye contact.
“Regardless,” Buck says, a bit breathless, the words holding more weight than just gratitude for a day of babysitting, “thank you.”
Eddie reaches out and puts his hand on the juncture of Buck’s shoulder, his thumb unconsciously tracing the exposed skin on his neck.
“Be safe today, alright?” Eddie says, “and have a good shift.”
“Will do,” Buck gives Eddie one last nod before bending down to Theo’s height. Eddie misses the warmth of Buck’s skin immediately. “You guys are going to have the best time, and I’m only a phone call away if you need anything, alright?”
Theo twists around, nodding dramatically with a toothy grin.
“Bye, Buck,” he says, a hint of a giggle in his throat.
“Bye, kid,” Buck responds, opening his arms for Theo to fall into.
Theo lets go of Eddie's hand, launching himself at Buck, who crushes him to his chest. He gives him a loud peck on his forehead, and Theo’s elated laughter echoes through the room.
Eddie has to look away — his heart can’t withstand it.
Buck lets him go, and Theo reattaches himself to Eddie, tugging to get his attention.
“Can we go now, please?” He pleads, and Eddie agrees.
—
Eddie didn’t think about the consequences of this ‘adventure’.
By the time Eddie and Theo reach the top of the hike, Eddie is thoroughly winded, whereas Theo is just getting started.
They’re standing just below the sign, having already wrangled Theo into taking a photo to send to Buck, the giant letters casting a shadow on the toddler who stares up at it in wonder.
“Why are these here?” Theo asks, turning to Eddie.
“I…” Eddie trails off, “I actually don’t know.” He looks down at Theo, “Let’s ask Buck when he gets home.”
“Home,” Theo hums, turning around to face the view.
“Remember,” Eddie says, seriously, “do not go close to the edge. Stay next to me, okay?”
Theo nods in agreement, reaching out his hand for Eddie to take.
Eddie appreciates the point of contact as they take a few steps towards the center of the path.
“What’s that?” He asks, pointing to the Griffith Observatory.
Eddie explains a bit about it, having been there with Buck and Christopher multiple times. Thank God he’s actually able to answer some of Theo’s questions, vowing to never take advantage of Buck’s encyclopedic wealth of knowledge again.
Theo kicks a rock, watching it roll a few feet before stopping, his shoes lighting up from the impact.
A few people are milling about, but it’s generally pretty quiet as the two of them take in the peacefulness of the Los Angeles skyline. Moments pass before Theo tugs on his hand.
“Eddie?” Theo’s voice has gone small — frightened.
Eddie’s eyebrows pinch as he turns to face him, “What’s up, Theo?”
Theo points somewhere to the left of Eddie, who whips around to see what he’s referring to. That’s when he hears the shrieks of fellow hikers and the intimidating sound of multiple bodies accelerating to a runner’s pace.
Below them and to the left, a thick, black cloud of smoke begins to cover the horizon, and the air rapidly heats up, becoming thicker with each inhale.
Fuck.
Eddie doesn’t think, grabbing Theo and throwing him over his shoulder as he begins sprinting back down their hiking trail.
He hasn’t seen the extent of the fire yet, doesn’t know how far it’s reached, but he decides their best bet is to follow the group back down to the parking lot.
Someone screams as a large brush fire comes into view, having sown its seeds below them and funneling thick black smoke up the side of the hills. Eddie curses, rushing ahead to get out of the direct line of the ash.
He knows these things spread like crazy, but Eddie could not have anticipated just how quickly the air would thicken, making it harder to breathe.
Once the air is marginally lighter, he places Theo on the ground, who desperately tries to climb back into his arms.
“No!” Theo cries, “No, don’t put me down – I want to go with you!”
Eddie’s heart breaks in two, horrified that Theo thinks that Eddie is just going to leave him here.
“Theo,” Eddie says, deadly serious. He crouches down and cups the little boy's face gently, “I would never, ever leave you. I just need your backpack.”
Theo blinks at him, large tears well up in his eyes, and Eddie makes the move to remove the Spiderman backpack from his shoulders. He rips it open, grabbing the change of shirt that Buck supplies when Theo inevitably spills on himself throughout the day. He grabs the kid-sized water bottle and drenches it completely.
“I am going to put this over your face, okay, Theo?” Eddie instructs. “It is going to help protect you.”
Eddie doesn’t wait, pulling the shirt over Theo’s head, stopping when it sits right below his eyes. He shoves the remaining fabric underneath the collar of the shirt he’s currently wearing, wanting it to be as airtight as possible to protect him from smoke inhalation.
Satisfied with his work, Eddie discards the backpack and picks up Theo again. The boy clings to Eddie with an ironclad grip, tucking his face into Eddie’s shoulder.
“I’ve got you, okay?” Eddie soothes, rubbing a hand down Theo’s back. “We’re going to get through this together.”
The fear of being abandoned causes Theo to lock up, but with a few comforting passes of Eddie’s palm on his back, Theo soon relaxes in his arms – relieved that Eddie would be bringing Theo with him. That he’s not being abandoned.
It’s hard to stay on task when all Eddie wants to do is pull him back and spend the rest of the day reassuring him that everything is going to be alright, that Eddie is not going anywhere without him.
But, as it turns out, everything won’t be alright unless Eddie gets moving.
“You gotta hold on tight,” Eddie grits out, his throat already sore from the ash.
Eddie whips his head around, watching as hordes of hikers sprint down the trail. The screaming and crying overwhelm him as he tries to decipher the best course of action.
The fires around them rage on, wild winds whipping around as Eddie watches in horror.
They’re multiplying.
Within minutes, everything on these hills is either set ablaze or in close enough proximity that they’re likely to be next. Eddie’s heart is lodged in his throat, his grip on Theo as tight as humanly possible as he sprints ahead.
He dodges people frantically, soon realizing the reason for the pandemonium.
The main hiking path in this area is completely unusable; the fire has completely scorched every feasible way out.
No time to dwell, Eddie turns on a dime, running back the direction they came. No one follows him; herd mentality keeps everybody at the other end of the trail.
He cradles Theo’s head as he goes, trying his best not to jostle him as he attempts to find a way out of this disaster. Eddie knows there are roads that the firetrucks use, roads that are wider and free from brush, that will likely be the route that any first responders take.
Eddie grits his teeth as he searches desperately for it.
He needs to find that road as fast as humanly possible.
Eddie runs for as long as he can, time passing at an incalculable pace as the sky above him darkens. The air burns his lungs, his legs on the verge of giving out the further he goes.
His vision is blurred, head pounding from the combination of heat and the ashen shadow above, but Eddie knows there is a maintenance path somewhere around here.
Over the roar of the fire, Eddie hears Theo shriek.
He whips around, heart lodged in his throat as he watches a coyote and what seems to be her baby cross the path behind them. He makes eye contact with the mother, who steps forward in warning.
She stands in front of her baby protectively, and Eddie turns Theo away so he can’t see. He’s hugging him to his chest, too dehydrated to produce any tears, but Eddie feels the familiar pressure behind his eyes anyway.
He’s on the verge of begging, pleading for this scared coyote to leave them be, that he’s just protecting this baby, too. That they’re not enemies here, just two beings who are feeling the same thing — the same desperation to get a child out alive.
“Please,” Eddie says, his desperate voice barely audible, “we don’t want to hurt you.”
Eddie buries his head in Theo’s curls, closing his eyes for a brief moment in prayer, hoping that whoever’s listening lets Theo out of here alive.
The coyote’s baby whines, and the mother’s head swings to investigate. The baby lets out a wretching cough before darting diagonally, attempting to get away from the thick plume of smoke that has permeated the hills.
The mother risks one last glance at Eddie and Theo before darting after her young.
Eddie lets out a breath to the best of his ability, his chest tight from the smoke.
Eddie wants to drop to his knees, kiss the ground, and thank the universe for letting them go, but he knows that now is not the time. The fires are roaring on either side of them, and Eddie’s eyes are searching for a way out – a way to save Theo.
—
Buck smiles down at a photo of Theo in front of the Hollywood sign.
His chest constricts with fondness at the sight of Theo standing dutifully, his hands gripping the straps of his backpack as he smiles for the photo, grinning all toothy and lopsided, the way kids do.
He imagines Eddie behind the camera, coaching him to stand still long enough for the photo to be taken, some bargaining chip involved to get the job done.
Buck has known he’s in love with Eddie for a while now, the first seeds of his true feelings planted by his ex-boyfriend, of all people. It was easy to deny at first, easy to laugh it off, call him and Maddie crazy for even suggesting it.
But now, as he reflects on all the moments that Eddie has shown up – has gone above and beyond for not only him, but for Theo – it’s become the undeniable reality of the situation.
Buck is good at compartmentalizing, though. He’s good at locking down the feelings that impact other people, good at pretending they don’t exist so as not to burden someone else with something as complicated and unforgivable as being in love with his best friend.
There are some truths in life, and being in love with someone who is destined not to love him back is the one he’s working with.
Buck sits up in the loft, lost in thought as he stares down at the photo, only to be interrupted by the sound of the alarm blaring.
Chimney stands quickly, looking down at his phone with concern.
“What is it, Cap?” Hen asks as the team rushes downstairs.
“Everybody!” Chimney announces. “Brush gear today!”
The team throws on their yellow-ish turnouts, appreciating how much lighter they are. They climb into the truck with haste, ready to receive more information from Chimney.
“Where to?” Ravi asks once his headphones are settled.
“We’ve got reports of a rapidly growing brush fire near the Hollywood Sign,” Chimney states grimly. Buck chokes on his spit, heart plummeting as he scrambles for his phone.
His ears ring, effectively tuning out the rest of Chimney's briefing. He rips off his headphones as he attempts to call Eddie, only for the dreadful sound of his voicemail to play immediately. Buck calls again, hoping his Do Not Disturb feature has been activated and they’re totally fine. Maybe that photo was from earlier, and they’re already far, far away from the impending disaster.
He gets no response..
Buck opens up their location-sharing app, only to find that Eddie’s phone was last seen 15 minutes ago on the trail from the photo.
Buck’s eyes sting, wiping his mouth furiously as he attempts to call Eddie again.
Hearing his voicemail makes Buck want to vomit.
“What’s wrong?” Hen asks, nudging his leg.
“It’s, uh,” Buck clears his throat, avoiding Hen’s eyes. “Eddie took Theo to the Hollywood sign today.”
“What?” Chim asks from the front seat, turning his body around to face the group. “I can’t hear what you’re saying.”
Hen looks over at Buck in horror, knowing that there is no way in hell he can repeat himself.
“Eddie took Theo to the Hollywood sign today,” Hen echoes into her headset, her face stricken.
The silence in the truck is deafening.
—
Eddie doesn’t know whether or not he’s been stumbling along this hill for minutes or hours.
His chest is tight, each breath harder than the last as he searches for temporary clearings where the two of them can recuperate. He’s been hiking down the less steep parts of the hills, trying to cut across diagonally towards where, if his memory serves, the emergency maintenance path is.
He’s been timing his dashes, trying to beat the fires before they spread, while also avoiding thick clouds of smoke that are ascending the hills.
Eddie stops to catch his breath, having found a relatively clear patch, the nearest fire a few dozen feet away.
The air is still thick and smoky, but he needs to check in on Theo.
“You doing okay, Spiderman?” Eddie all but grunts, patting his back to get his attention.
Theo shakes his head against Eddie’s shoulder.
“You’re doing so well,” Eddie attempts to console, despite the feelings of devastation and anxiety that threaten to take him to his knees. “We’re almost there –”
“I want my mommy,” Theo whimpers, his voice rough from the smoke. “I want my mommy and my daddy.”
Eddie’s stomach curdles as he’s reminded of all the times he sat at Christopher’s bedside, consoling him through the same all-consuming grief after the loss of his mother.
Eddie can’t even imagine how Theo feels, how much fear he’s endured.
Real fear, too.
Not the age-appropriate fear of the boogeyman, or of spiders, or snakes.
But stomach-churning, life-or-death fear that soothing words and creature comforts cannot alleviate. Eddie worries for Theo, for the consequences of a harsh confrontation with mortality at such a young age.
Eddie is determined to be like Buck. To show Theo that, regardless of what happens, Eddie will do whatever it takes to get them through it.
But for now, Eddie is at a loss for words, so all he says is: “I know, Theo. I’m sorry.”
Theo sobs hysterically, like Eddie’s admittance of his empathy and sorrow was the last straw before he allows himself to dissolve completely. He grips Eddie’s neck tighter than before, like he’s deathly afraid of what would happen if he were to let go.
“Buck,” Theo heaves. “I want Buck.”
His voice is scratchy and worn, as he relentlessly pleads for the man who has provided him with tangible safety as they navigate the chilling upheaval of Theo’s life.
“I’m going to get you to Buck,” Eddie promises, happy that there is something here that he can actually deliver on. “You are going to see him soon, okay?”
Theo coughs through another sob, nodding.
“Okay,” he whispers, seeming to trust Eddie.
Eddie won’t let him down. Not now, not ever.
“I’m going to keep going now,” Eddie tells him, trying to be as transparent as possible before he continues sprinting alongside the rocky terrain.
The worst of the fire is now behind them, and Eddie continues further downwind, where the air is a bit easier to breathe. He’s able to find another walking path, following it until he rounds a corner, unable to see what’s on the other side.
Eddie feels faint, recognizing the symptoms of dehydration and overexertion combined with excessive smoke inhalation. He hopes that Theo is better off than he is, but there is no way to know until they get seen by medical professionals. Eddie doesn’t have time to check, but Theo’s consistent murmurs and reactions as they hastily maneuver through the hills are enough comfort to know that at least the kid is awake.
They finally make it around the bend, and Eddie’s eyes widen as he recognizes the gates that lead to the service road.
Not wasting any time, Eddie sprints ahead, wanting to make it to that road before a truck comes speeding past, missing them entirely.
The rails of the gate are wide enough that he turns his face to communicate with Theo.
“I’m going to put you down for a second, and I need you to climb through this gate to the other side,” Eddie tells him. “I’m going to climb up after you.”
Theo nods, lifting his head off Eddie’s shoulder for the first time since the incident began. His hair is matted against his forehead, his eyes red-rimmed and glossy, but all things considered, he’s relatively alert and oriented.
Eddie gives Theo a nod, “You’re going to do great, kid. Now stay there when you finish and wait for me, okay?”
Theo nods back, wiggling out of Eddie’s arms and onto the ground. He climbs up the first few bars of the gate with ease, sliding through and standing back up once he reaches the other side.
Eddie, despite the gravity of the situation, feels the urge to laugh at the way Theo’s hands hang by his side, his eyes tracking Eddie’s movements as he so readily shimmied his way through a gate without any further questions.
Connor and Kameron may have raised him, evident by the many mannerisms that differ from his biological father, but there is no denying the Evan Buckley in that DNA.
Eddie makes quick work of the climb, wanting to have Theo back in his arms as soon as possible. He lands with a grunt, his eyesight blotting out as he grips the metal bars in front of him.
Seconds pass as Eddie attempts to regain his balance, squeezing his eyes together in frustration as his brain struggles to cooperate.
“Eddie?” Theo asks, his voice muffled by the shirt around his mouth.
“I’m alright,” Eddie musters, standing up straighter but still using the gate to hold himself up.
He feels Theo tug on his shirt, “Eddie!”
“Yeah?” Eddie opens his eyes and sees that Theo is pointing into the distance. An ashen cloud combined with the setting sun darkens the world around them, but Eddie sees a truck barreling down the hills in the distance.
Just ahead of the truck, there is a divergence in the road, and Eddie’s heart stops at the idea of them choosing the path that leads them away from their current position.
Eddie – rather unceremoniously – hauls Theo onto his back, instructing him to hold on tight.
He takes off in their direction, waving frantically in an attempt to get the attention of the truck dozens of feet ahead.
The truck doesn’t slow down, doesn’t make any indication of switching course, and Eddie’s stomach drops.
He would walk to the ends of the Earth to bring Theo back to safety, but panic rises in his chest as he acknowledges that this truck is their last ticket out of the hills before sunset. Dark spots percolate in his vision as he slows to a walk, Theo’s sneakered foot accidentally kicking him in his healing wound as he attempts to maintain balance.
Eddie’s heart jumps as he looks down at Theo’s Lightning McQueen sneakers.
Without thinking, he rips them off the kid’s feet and begins banging them together with growing fervency. He screams at the top of his lungs, hoping the sound, plus the red LEDs emanating from the child-sized sneakers, will attract enough attention.
Eddie lets out a breath as the truck slows at the fork in the road.
“Hey!” Eddie screams with the last of his energy, giving the shoes another go.
The truck, which had been pointing in the opposite direction, backs up an inch before turning toward them.
“Fuck yes,” Eddie sighs. He repositions Theo so that he’s situated on his hip, his head immediately hanging down in relief.
He hugs Theo close, relieved tears somehow mustering their way to his waterline, despite his dehydration.
“Thank you,” Eddie says to nobody, kissing Theo on the top of his head. “Thank you. Thank you.”
He doesn’t know what he’ll have to do to repay the universe for its mercy, but he’s willing to deliver on whatever debt is owed, now that Theo is safe.
Saying that he’s relieved feels like an understatement; his legs buckle as the weight of the day mercilessly catches up with him.
He hears the truck roll up, but he’s too consumed with his attempt to balance on one knee, holding Theo to his chest as he rocks them slightly.
“You said a bad word,” Theo says in his ear, and Eddie wheezes out a laugh.
“Sorry about that,” Eddie responds, breathless, and he hears the sound of doors opening around them.
“Hey, man?” Someone above him says, “You guys need help?”
Eddie, with the last of his energy, looks up. Surrounding him is the crew from Station 133.
His face crumples, knowing they’re in good hands.
“My name is Firefighter Diaz, I’m with Station 118.” He swallows the lump in his throat, “We were trapped in the wildfires, and we needed to be treated for smoke inhalation.” He feels Theo shift in his arms to take a look at the visitors. “I need someone to tell Firefighter Buckley that his son is alright.”
The group springs into action, immediately radioing for transport. They're in the engine now, but the other firefighters assure Eddie that an ambulance is hot on their tail.
Eddie can’t really think anymore; he can’t take in any new information. The relief of being rescued is already too much to bear.
“Here,” one of the firefighters hands him a canteen of water, and Eddie takes it gratefully. He props Theo up on his knee, unscrews the cap, and brings the water to his lips.
Theo chugs as his life depends on it, in that funny way that kids do, where they sound absolutely winded by an activity that doesn’t require them to hold their breath.
As Theo signals that he’s done with the water, the ambulance comes into view. Paramedics hop out with practiced ease, rushing over to him and Theo with a gurney.
Eddie’s ears begin to ring, tuning out the conversation happening above him.
“This is Firefighter Diaz with the 118,” the firefighter says as they lower the stretcher close to the ground. Eddie climbs onto it with much effort, and Theo wiggles out of his arms, waiting for Eddie to get situated first. “This is his and Firefighter Buckley’s son. Take them to IC and see if we can reunite them today. They need to be treated for smoke inhalation and dehydration.”
Theo watches with wide eyes, waiting for Eddie to lie down before hoisting himself up. Eddie scooches over to make room, lying on his side, and holding his arm out to support Theo.
Theo shuffles a bit before laying his head on Eddie’s outstretched forearm.
“Thank you,” Theo whispers.
“Don’t thank me,” Eddie says, giving Theo a tired smile as he runs his free hand through the kid’s sweaty hair. “I will always be there for you. Remember that.”
Eddie rests his hand on Theo's back for support as they begin the transport into the ambulance. The EMTs quickly remove the t-shirt around Theo’s face, placing a tiny non-rebreather mask over his nose and mouth. His nose twitches dramatically as he adjusts to the flow of oxygen, and Eddie lets out a laugh that sounds more like a gasp.
Soon enough, Eddie gets one too, and his lungs begin to open up as they fill with clean air for the first time in hours.
“You want to sit up here?” The EMT asks Theo, patting the seat next to her, to give Eddie more room on the gurney. He must be in noticeably worse shape than Theo.
“No!” Theo snaps back, shuffling closer to Eddie. “I want to stay here.”
Eddie waves her off, not really wanting Theo to be too far from him either.
The ride back is quiet as Theo and Eddie are coaxed to sleep, the sounds of each other’s deep breathing serving as a lullaby, finally allowing them to relax.
—
Buck is trying to focus; he really, truly is, but as each hour passes with no sign of Theo or Eddie, Buck can’t help but be close to a full-blown breakdown.
He spent the entire day looking for them, asking fellow hikers and people they rescued whether or not they’d seen Eddie or Theo. His phone is dead, having pulled up their photo too many times throughout the past few hours.
The sun is about to set, and as they ride back to incident command, Buck’s heart aches. He needs something, anything that indicates that Eddie and Theo are alright.
They’re driving down one of the trails, the one that Eddie and Theo were on before the fires began, Buck’s head resting heavily on the window.
A flash of something familiar startles him, his eyes narrowing at the sight of a charred bag.
Buck chokes on a gag as he recognizes the burnt remains of Theo’s Spiderman backpack.
“Oh my God,” Buck heaves, shoving his head in his hands. He painfully pulls at his hair, his breath coming in shallow gasps as the gravity of what he witnessed finally comes into focus.
Theo’s backpack, no Theo.
Theo’s backpack is burnt to a crisp, no Theo.
Theo’s backpack –
He’s dizzy, a cold sweat, sucker punching him, and distracting him from Chimney, who is responding to something on his personal radio.
“Buck!” Chimney calls through his headset, but Buck can’t hear. He can’t hear, he can’t think, he can’t breathe.
He feels a hand shake him harshly, and he looks up to see Ravi’s relieved face.
What could possibly have Ravi feeling so goddamn relieved at a time like this?
“Buck,” Ravi says, “They’re alright, Buck.”
Oh.
Oh.
“W-What?” Buck chokes out as the world slowly pulls back into focus.
“Station 133 found them a few minutes ago,” Chimney says in his headset. “They’re being treated now at the IC.”
Buck crumbles completely, sobs wracking through his body as Hen pulls him in for a hug. Her mom-like presence offers him a semblance of comfort as he finally processes the meaning of Chimney’s words.
“They’re alive, Buck,” Hen repeats in his ear. “Theo and Eddie are alive.”
The drive back is torture, Buck attempting to calm himself as he shoves his trembling hands under his thighs.
The moment the truck stops, Buck rips open the door, eyes wild as he scours the IC for the medic tent.
He bumps into a firefighter from Station 133, who recognizes him immediately.
“Your husband and kid are over there,” he says, pointing off to the left.
Buck ignores the implications of the statement and drops his helmet, breaking off in a dead sprint towards the medic tent. He stops at the outskirts, scanning systematically until he finds who he is looking for.
Eddie lies on a cot, eyes closed, covered in ash and dirt, breathing through a non-rebreather mask. He’s on his side, one arm hooked up to an IV, the other laid out as a makeshift pillow for Theo.
Theo is curled up facing Eddie, asleep as well, his own mask fastened to his face.
Buck doesn’t waste any time closing the distance, dropping to his knees beside them.
The sound wakes Theo, who peers over his shoulder sleepily, the way he does every morning when Buck comes in to start their day.
As soon as he sees Buck, his big blue eyes fill with tears.
Buck’s heart drops, worrying that Theo is not relieved to see him, that he’s mad at Buck for not rescuing them.
His fears are short-lived as Theo scrambles to his feet, ripping off the mask and launching himself into his arms.
He’s relieved, actually relieved.
Buck cradles the back of his head as he folds himself over his son, grateful in a way that he could never adequately put into words.
“Buck,” Theo whispers, repeating it to himself, like he’s trying to convince himself that Buck is here.
“Oh, thank God,” Buck breathes.“You’re alright. You’re both alright.”
Eddie stirs on the bed, eyebrows furrowing when he realizes that Theo is no longer next to him.
His gaze lifts, finding Buck.
Like a puppet whose strings have been cut, Eddie slumps against the cot, letting out a weighty sigh of relief.
Tears stream down Buck’s face as he looks at Eddie, taking in just how beaten up he is by the elements and realizing the lengths he must have gone to today, for this moment to be possible.
“Eddie,” Buck chokes out. “Eddie, I–”
Eddie sits up, grimacing as he slides to the edge of the bed. Buck doesn’t hesitate, pulling him into a hug and resting his forehead against his.
A few tears fall from Eddie’s eyes as he closes them, and Buck lets out a wet laugh.
“Thank you, oh my God. Thank you,” Buck says, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I had no idea where you guys were. I-I was so worried.”
“We were on our way back to you,” Eddie teases, although Buck can tell that he’s choked up too. “We just took the long way home.”
Buck laughs harder, pulling the two of them closer to his chest. He breathes deeply, trying to take a snapshot of this moment with his mind, to remember how it feels to know that in the end, everything is alright.
—
Theo and Eddie are admitted to the hospital for observation, and Buck picks Christopher up from home.
They let Eddie and Theo get treated in the same room, not wanting to cause Theo any more emotional distress by separating the two of them.
Eddie grins as he hears Christopher approach, the stress of the day making him eager to be reunited with his son.
Christopher folds himself over to give him a firm hug, and Eddie can feel himself getting emotional all over again. Emotional over the fact that his baby is no longer a baby anymore, instead he’s a teenager, with mood swings and newfound interests. With insight and wisdom beyond his years, he’s becoming a young man who teaches Eddie something new every single day.
Being a parent dramatically broadens and complicates the range of emotions that can be felt by a single person. It creates paradoxes upon paradoxes: desperately wishing for time back while eagerly looking forward to the next moment, to be introduced to the newest thing about your kid as they become a person right before your very eyes.
It’s absolute heaven and bittersweet heartache all rolled into one.
And Eddie loves every second of it.
He loves that Buck, who has been walking through life with him for the past 7 years, will share this experience with Theo.
He already has been, if Eddie is being truthful.
Buck has loved Christopher since the moment they met, and it’s been one of the joys of Eddie’s life to watch their bond develop.
He’s Christopher’s Buck: his safe space, his confidant, his best friend.
Buck has never allowed himself to lean in, to let himself have this fully. He always puts up that boundary, the respectful and understandable wall that draws a distinct line between dad’s best friend and parental figure.
Tangled and buried in a web of repression and self-flagellation, Eddie has always subconsciously considered Buck to be his. His partner, his support system, the person he looks for in every room.
Eddie is done holding himself back, done pretending like he doesn’t want this for the rest of his life. There is no world in which either Buck or Eddie finds a partner who provides even a fraction of what they have right here.
Buck, now, watches Eddie with a warm gaze, an unbelieving gaze — like Eddie is the most wonderful thing he’s ever seen.
Eddie gives him a private look, one that he hopes conveys just how hopelessly, sickeningly, head-over-heels in love he is with his best friend.
Buck flushes, ducking his head for a moment before looking back up. His lips are pursed, the corners tilted upward, as Buck understands, as always, what Eddie is saying without the use of words.
Giving Eddie a wink, Buck turns his attention back to the room, pulling up a chair for Chris and tapping him on the shoulder to indicate he can sit down.
“I don’t think you should leave the house anymore,” Christopher teases. “Seems like you have shit luck.”
Eddie’s laugh is thick with emotion, his mouth twisting as he gets a good look at his son. He should scold him for the language, but he’s too consumed by the joy of seeing Christopher to care.
“I love you, Christopher,” Eddie says, reaching his hand out for him to take.
“Love you too, Dad,” he groans in a teenager-like fashion, but there’s an undeniable fondness shared as Christopher grabs his father’s hand.
Buck walks over to where Theo is seated on the other side of the room, still hooked up to a portable oxygen tank. After thorough lung scans, the doctors are confident he’ll make a full recovery within a few hours of respiratory treatment.
Buck picks Theo up and settles him onto his lap. His son relaxes instantly, resting his head on his chest as he plays with his fingers.
This is the most worn-out that Theo has ever been, and Eddie can safely say that he prefers the rambunctiousness.
“Chris,” Theo says suddenly, “do you want to play Legos when we get home?”
Buck bites his bottom lip in an attempt to conceal a laugh, and Eddie does the same, knowing that there is no way in hell Theo stays awake long enough to play tonight.
Christopher, reading the room, nods enthusiastically.
“Of course, Theo.”
God, Eddie loves that kid.
Eddie and Buck make eye contact; the look transformed into something new entirely. The casualness to which Theo referred to their home – the ambiguity of whose home he’s referring to.
The fact that it doesn’t matter.
That this – the four people in this room – are what make up a home.
A family.