Chapter Text
While Detective Boxten Gears was busy with paperwork, Poppy Priestley approached him while dragging a carry-on luggage with his bags in one hand and a stack of files on the other.
"Okeydoke, the car is picking me and Amy up in two minutes, you sure you're cool keeping tabs on my cases while I'm on the cruise?" Poppy asked.
"Of course, I wish you two have a great time there, hey, don't make any new best friends." Boxten joked, causing both to laugh before Poppy stretched her arms.
"Oh man, I am psyched to go on this week long cruise, just sitting around doing nothing and drinking unbelievable amounts of soda, just straight up living that slug life, y'all!" Poppy excitedly said, eager to relax.
"Cruise itineraries, hot out of the laminator, who's ready for some nonstop totally scheduled fun." Brightney Lumine, Poppy's girlfriend, suddenly barges into the conversation holding two itineraries, ecstatic to go on a cruise.
"Oh, I actually thought we could just... Sit by the pool, eat unlimited shrimp and see if you really do turn pink." Poppy said, wanting to be a sloth for the rest of the cruise.
"... That's cute, I don't know if there's gonna be time, though, the cruise offers 77 activities and I've signed us up for 76 of them," Brightney explained, "Speed dating for widows seems like a bummer."
"Okay, so slightly different perspectives going into this cruise, call it the slug life talking but I think it's gonna work itself out," Poppy said before turning to the rest of the bullpen "goodbye, coworkers! Or as they like to say at sea..." Poppy then tries to imitate a ship's horn, which to no one's surprise, sounded more like a whale.
We cut to the boarding process for the cruise, a large white ship bound for some fun things to do.
"This is so great." Brightney said in amazement, Poppy agreed.
"Yeah, seagulls? Check, the ocean? Check, a gang of oldies in shorts? Check, check check." Poppy listed down with her arms crossed, her partner giggling at the comment, "We're definitely on a cruise."
"Welcome aboard, say 'I love Carousel Cruises International Ltd." Said a coconut toon wearing a whitish pink shirt and a camera around his neck, ready to take their picture.
"I love Carousel Cruises International Ltd!"
"I don't want to say all that."
Both Poppy and Brightney said roughly at the same time (you can guess which said which) while hugging each other and smiling as the coconut toon took their picture.
Once the coconut toon walked away, Brightney took out an itinerary from her bag.
"So... The Sail Away party is in an hour and until then, I have us scheduled to take in live music at the all-ages piano lounge." The lamp detective announced.
"Okay, okay... Or we could just head straight to the room, I brought a plastic tarp so we could eat shrimp in bed." Poppy said, weirdly obsessed with eating large amounts of shrimp.
"Buuuut the all-ages piano lounge has bottomless margaritas." Brightney tried to convince Poppy, and...
".... Eh." Poppy was a little bit invested in the margaritas, but clearly was more interested in the shrimp.
"They also have a drink with potato skin in it." Brightney said.
"Oohhh~ well, to the all-ages piano lounge, milady." Poppy said, finally persuaded as she tucks her girlfriend's hand in her elbow.
What both Poppy and Brightney missed however was an advertisement of the piano lounge with the name 'Esmeralda Velveteen' on it, as well as a very familiar silhouette of a certain someone...
(Which most of you probably don't know because I haven't written it yet.)
We cut to Poppy and Brightney in the piano lounge as the room began to darken slightly, indicating that the show was about to start.
"Welcome aboard, ladies and gentlemen, but especially gentlemen." The lady on stage said she plays the piano, she was wearing a beautiful green dress but her face was shrouded in darkness, but her voice alone raises a few red flags in Poppy's mind.
"I know that voice..." Poppy whispers to Brightney, seemingly on guard.
"Get ready, it's time for some smush songs." The voice said playfully as the stage finally lights up, revealing...
"Gasps Gigi Giocare, The Mustang Bandit, she's here." Poppy whispered in bewilderment as she looked to the stage with wide eyes.
"We got songs about smushing, songs for smushing to, songs for the kids, this is the all-ages piano lounge." Gigi announced, voice smooth like butter.
"I can't believe she's here, I've been hunting her for years and now fate has dropped her right into my lap." Poppy said in a quiet yet exciting tone, finally able to capture her nemesis once and for all, "She's going to be so surprised when he sees me."
"Hey Priestley, you made it." Gigi said, cheerfully and not surprised at all as a spotlight shines on the two detectives. "What took you so long, sister?"
"... Okay, seems like she's playing it pretty cool, probably more surprised on the inside." Poppy said, trying to save face from being instantly proven wrong.
Brightney just nodded and let out an "uh-huh."
"Priestley, it's no coincidence that you're on this ship, you won a free cruise without entering a contest, how did you think that happened?" Gigi asked, sitting on one of the small tables at the bar with Poppy and Brightney.
At the mention of winning the cruise without entering a contest, Brightney looked at her girlfriend with shock and confusion.
"I don't know, maybe it's because I bought Speed 2 on DVD and the internet realised that cruises were one of my interests." Poppy said, trying to rationalize not seeing anything suspicious about how she got her cruise tickets.
"Great film, Sandy B. In a sarong." Gigi said as she goes to fist bump her best friend Poppy.
"Damn right." Poppy fist bumped her back.
"But the tix are all me, I brought you here cause I'm in peril." Gigi said, worried for her life.
"Pfft, peril." Poppy didn't really take Gigi seriously.
"Don't "pfft" my peril." Gigi said, with Poppy immediately doing another "Pfft".
"Somebody's trying to kill me and I need protection, so I sent the tickets to my best friend." Gigi said while holding Poppy's hand but the bubble detective withdrew her hand.
"I'm not your best friend, I'm your worst enemy, get that through your head." Poppy said while pointing a finger.
"It's kind of bickering that makes us such an adorable couple." Gigi said jokingly to Brightney.
"Whatever, Gigi! You're under arrest!" Poppy said, but...
"You can't arrest me, amica, we're in international waters, which is also why I can smoke as much weed as I want." Gigi explained, throwing her hands out, "Welcome to the high seas, or as I called it; L'alto Mare."
"No, no way that's true, Brightney, tell me I can arrest him right now." Poppy said in denial.
"Gigi's right, we have no jurisdiction, technically this boat sails under the flag of Uzbekistan." Brightney confirmed, much to the disappointment of Poppy, who was shaking her head at her.
"Uh-oh, your girl knows about the Uzbeks, boom." Gigi said.
"But the captain can have him arrested, he has total authority on this boat." Brightney continues to explain.
"Perfect, captains love me, just wait until he or she finds out they're employing a criminal." Poppy said, ecstatic to finally arrest her greatest enemy...
"Yeah, about 40% of the crew are criminals." The captain of the boat said, causing Poppy to sigh.
"It's hard to find normal people who want to live on a boat, I, myself, am a tax evader." The captain explained.
"I just need him locked up till we get back to New York, can't you just throw him in a boat jail or something?" Poppy asked.
"It's called the brig." Both Brightney and Gigi said at the same time, causing the two to look at each other.
"He is my best lounge singer and I need to keep people distracted," The captain explains why he can't arrest Gigi, "just between us, we're nearly out of ranch dressing."
"On day one?" Poppy asked in bewilderment.
The captain just merely points towards a toon gulping down an entire tube of ranch dressing.
"Listen, as long as she's on my boat, Gigi Giocare is a free woman." The captain said, making Poppy sigh, more quietly this time.
After the conversation with the captain, Poppy and Brightney follow Gigi to the staterooms, where Gigi unlocks a door with a plate reading "The Suite Royale".
"Poppy, Brightney, welcome to my humble cabin, aka The Bomb of the Tomb." Gigi proudly proclaimed.
"Nice." Poppy said as she fist bumped Gigi again before following the gachapon inside.
The room was quite nice and cozy, a few miscellaneous items decorated the place to give it a more lived in feeling to it.
"This is a royal level suite, I never thought we'd see one in person." Brightney said amazed.
"A little perk of being Carousel Cruises's entertainer of the year, which I ammmmm, giiiir~~llll." Gigi said, singing that last part.
"... A little pitchy." Was all Poppy said.
"You're welcome to chill here, it's the least I can do to thank you for protecting me." Gigi said.
"Never, this protection scam is a scam, do you honestly think you can fool me again just because you've successfully done it numerous times before?" Poppy said, her voice a mix of mocking and anger.
"First of all, it was only two times," Gigi weirdly listed that off first before continuing with: "Second, my old boss wants me dead, I've been laying low on this ship and I got word from a friend on the inside that they found me, and there's a hitman coming to end my beautiful life."
"That's why I sent you the free tickets." Gigi finishes off her exploration of why she needed help, and Poppy was internally debating on whether to believe the Mustang Bandit or not.
"What if she really is in danger? What if she's telling the truth? Oohhh, but what if she's trying to let my guard down so she could pull off some heist and escape?"
In the end, she doesn't trust Gigi by saying:
"No! No, no way. I'm not buying that, you can't get away from me again, Brightney and I are gonna spend every second of our romantic cruise watching you, assuming that's okay?" Poppy asked her partner.
"Yup, that's what we're gonna do." The lamp detective said as she nodded, her tone a bit deflated, "I'll... Just get rid of this itinerary."
But before she could dispose of it, Gigi stopped her.
"No, no, no, no, Bri, don't put it in the trash, we have to find the hitman before he finds me, I'm guessing this'll take us all over the boat." Gigi said while holding the itinerary.
"Oh yeah, that's an ENAC sitch right there; "Every Nook And Cranny."." Brightney proudly said.
"Perfect, we'll just ENAC sitch off this bitch!" Gigi said.
"Gasps I got five down! I figured out the theme, it's boats :D" Brightney said in an incredibly dorky yet adorable way.
The three were currently in a word table along with some elderly ladies.
"Okay, I get it; she's smart and lovable, you're scrappy and lovable, together you're just lovable and lovable." Gigi said with a bit of a smirk.
"Okay... So where's this hitman, Gigi?" Poppy gets straight (more like gay lol) to the point.
"Look, I don't know who they sent, but he's on the boat." Gigi said in a hushed tone before pulling out a piece of paper.
"Check out this manifest, somebody boarded in San Juan named Henry Coles." The gachapon said.
"Henry Street and Coles Street, that's the corner of your chop shop in Brooklyn, this is an alias." Poppy immediately connected the dots.
"Mm-hmm, and my porter buddy checked out Henry Coles' cabin, he hasn't been in it yet." Gigi said, "He's hiding in this boat and ready to jump out and kill me at any moment, probably creeping around in my closet."
"Or stowed away in a lifeboat." Poppy gives out another possibility.
"Or hiding in the walls."
"Or holed up in the engine room."
"Camouflaged in the shrubbery."
"Predator style!" Both Poppy and Gigi finish at the same time, causing both sides to almost hi-five but Poppy stops herself and grunts.
"No, we are not having fun, you will not suck me in with your willy charms." Poppy confidently said while Gigi just smiled.
"You don't remember the time you fist bumped me twice?" The gachapon smugly said.
"Hey, it was in a lapse of judgment, I wouldn't fall like last time." Poppy said rather defensively.
"... Sure." Was all Gigi said as she lowered her hand.
Poppy, Brightney and Gigi were at a sports equipment checkout, getting some shuffleboard sticks to play with, but Brightney already came prepared as she extended her own compact tang.
"You brought your own shuffleboard stick?" Poppy asked, Brightney nodded in response.
"They're called tangs, you should be glad she has her own, you don't want messing with another woman's tang." Gigi randomly said.
"There's no way they're called tangs." Poppy said in disbelief.
"It's true, they are, and the disks are called biscuits." Brightney said as she pushes one of the biscuits with her tang.
"Tangs and biscuits, that is so dumb... I officially love shuffleboard." Poppy said as she's about to push a biscuit.
"Clear a path! I'm about to whip my biscuits!" Poppy yelled out as she pushed the disk more power than necessary, as the disk ended up out of bounds and nearly colliding with Brightney's foot on the other side of the court.
"About time you smile, amica, you've been a real tang in the mud." Gigi said, causing Poppy to mutter out an "Alright."
"Hey, little advice, Brightney is great, you want to keep her? Be more receptive to her interests." Gigi laid out her advice for Poppy.
"All right, now you're taking it too far, Giocare, I don't need relationship advice from my criminal arch nemesis." Poppy said disdainfully.
"Look, I just want to see you two happy." Gigi said sincerely.
"No, this is just another one of your lies, just like your fake hitman." Poppy still doesn't believe in the hitman.
"There is a hitman on this boat, Henry Coles is coming to kill me." Gigi said.
"Excuse me? Did you say my name?" An elderly man asked, he was an old rotary phone.
"I'm sorry, what?" Poppy said completely dumbfounded.
"I'm Henry Coles." The old man said.
"You're Henry Coles?" Poppy asked for affirmation.
"According to my medical alert bracelet." Henry said as he pointed out his bracelet.
"Well, this is interesting, this is Henry Coles, let's just take a good look at that medical bracelet, oh it says "Gigi Giocare is a big, fat liar."." Poppy mocked.
"Actually, it says I'm a fall risk." Henry correct Poppy.
"Okay, you're kind of ruining my burn here, Henry..." Poppy said, a bit disappointed.
"I knew it, I knew Henry Coles was a 90 year old man with type 1 diabetes and emphysema, obviously I didn't know those specifics but I knew you were lying." Poppy said, pointing at Gigi accusingly.
"So Henry Coles wasn't the guy, my bad, there's still somebody on this boat who wants to kill me." Gigi said.
"You're trying to get away and it's not gonna happen, we're spending the rest of this trip in your cabin, Brightney and I will take sleep shifts to make sure someone's always watching you." Poppy said.
"Thank you, that makes me feel super safe." Gigi said, making Poppy nod as she realised that she unintentionally helped her greatest enemy out as Gigi opened her cabin door.
"If you two want to smush, I have a sleeping mask and noise cancelling headphones." Gigi said in a sincere voice before going inside.
"Can't we just lock him up in there? Do we really have to trade off sleep for the next six nights?" Brightney asked, annoyed.
"I know, I'm sorry, but he did say that she'd wear a mask if we wanted to smush." Poppy tried to lighten her girlfriend's mood.
"... Fine, I get it, he's the Mustang Bandit, you take the first shift." Brightney said in a tired voice before leaving.
"Thank you so much, You're the best." Poppy said as Brightney is leaving.
Suddenly, there was a sound of glass shattering and two people grunting from within, Poppy looked inside to see Gigi being put in a chokehold by a masked assailant.
"Hey, NYPD! Let her go." Poppy said, due to being off-duty, she didn't have her gun or badge on her.
The masked toon then used Gigi as a battering ram to make their escape, the both of them crashing into the wall as the masked toon ran away, closing the door behind them.
"Holy crap, there was a killer on board, you were telling the truth!" Poppy yelled out in panic.
"Certo che qualcuno mi vuole morto, perché mai dovrei mentire su una cosa del genere?! (Of course someone wants me dead, why would I lie about something like that?!)" Gigi yelled out in Italian as she lay on the floor holding her neck.
At some point, Brightney had came back to Gigi's room, Gigi was sitting on the bed massaging her neck while Poppy told her what happened.
"Smush, ssssmmmuuusshhhhh." Gigi sings to make sure her voice is ok, "Ooh, I still sound like an angel."
"You sure?" Poppy offhandedly said.
"Thank god you were there, Priestley, I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die." Gigi thanked her for saving her life.
"I'm still gonna arrest you, I just can't do that if you're dead." Poppy said sternly.
"Whatever you gotta tell yourself," Gigi said smugly before turning to Brightney, "Baby steps, it's hard getting her out of her shell."
"Sighs tell me about it, every time we get emotional, she's like, "noice, smort."." Brightney complaints.
"Okay, can we focus up here?" Poppy said to keep everyone on track before continuing, "We still don't know what your hitman looks like so we're gonna have to flush him out... Wait a minute, where do the toilets on this boat go?"
"You don't want to know..." Gigi said is a hushed voice.
"Gasps The pool?" Poppy said worried.
"Nah, ocean." Gigi merely replied
"Oh, that's even worse, that's where my shrimp live." Poppy said in despair, still on that shrimp high.
"Anyways, he'll probably try to hit me at my show this afternoon, at least I'll die doing what I love; getting people horny at sea." Gigi said grimly.
"Yeah, yeah... That's gross," Poppy cringed what Gigi said before coming up with a plan, "All right, here's the plan: We're gonna leave you alone on stage and dangle you as bait."
"Damn, bait dangling?" Gigi seems to object to this plan.
"If we're up on stage with you, it could spook him, we'll blend into the crowd and we'll take him down before he even gets to you." Poppy explained.
Gigi sighs before agreeing with the plan
"All right, I'll trust you, but if you two are gonna blend in, you got to blend in..."
Poppy, Brightney and Gigi all left the cabin with their disguise on; Gigi in her green dress she was wearing earlier, Brightney in a pink Hawaiian shirt, short jeans and a sun hat, and Poppy in a dark blue Hawaiian shirt, beige khaki shorts and a tennis hat.
"You two are looking good." Gigi compliments as they stand outside of the all-age piano lounge.
"Really? I feel like I'm Jimmy Buffett's tomboyish tennis couch." Poppy said.
"No, it's working, you know I had a major crush on Magnum P.I.? Major." Brightney reassured her girlfriend before suggesting to enter the lounge.
"Ladies and gentlemen, widows and widowers, welcome to the all-ages piano lounge adults only show, I'm Esmeralda Velveteen." Gigi welcomed her audience as she plays the piano.
"Dope name." Poppy can't help but admit, with Brightney agreeing with her.
"This is a little song I wrote myself, called "Seedly, Seedly, Seedly.", goes like this." Gigi said before starting to sing.
"Seedly, Seedly, Seedly~ Seedly, Seedly."
"It's so crowded here and the lighting is way too sexy to see anything." Poppy whispered to Brightney as she looked around, before leading her partner to somewhere else.
"Right there on the floor, is the man you're looking for~" Gigi sang out, making Poppy look around.
"He's right in front of you~ a little bit to the left~ my left, my left, my left, my left~" Gigi sings out instructions for Poppy, but the bubble detective is a bit confused by her instructions.
"Come on this way~ he's in a red shirt~" Poppy points at an old Asian toon, "No, not the Asian dude~ I'm talking about a bright red shirt~"
Poppy points to a suspicious looking plushie toon.
"That's the man you're looking for~ that's the man you've been looking for~" Gigi confirmed.
"I got him, follow me." Poppy said to Brightney as they tried to navigate to the plushie, but as they got to where the man was, he mysteriously vanished.
"This is still a love song~" Gigi lied as naturally as she breathed.
"Where'd he go?" Poppy said confused as she looked around.
"Well, that ends my show, all of the sudden, you all have been a great crowd." Gigi panicked as the hitman had somehow managed to make it to the stage and take Gigi hostage.
"Thank you all very much, think of me when you smush." Gigi said as she is dragged offstage while Poppy runs after them.
"Poppy, help me! I don't wanna die! I'm still on the second season of "Game of Thrones"." Gigi said, scared as she is held by the hitman holding a knife to her neck.
"All right, just put the knife down, okay? There's no murder in the all-ages piano lounge." Poppy tried to negotiate as the two back up and Poppy followed them slowly.
"Screw you, Pig." Was all the plushie toon say.
"That's not a very all-ages thing to say, you just don't get the vibe here at all." Poppy said.
As the plushie was rounding the corner, Brightney came from behind and hit the plushie with a tang stick to the head, causing the hitman to fall down.
"Whoo! Nice, grab that cord, let's get his arms." Poppy instructed Brightney, who went and grabbed it, planning to bind him until they got back to Brooklyn.
"You just got tanged by my girlfriend." Poppy said proudly before she glanced over to Brightney, "Sorry, I know that sounded really gross but it was actually awesome."
"You okay Gigi?" Poppy asked, but all she got was a door closing.
"Gigi! No!" Poppy yelled out as she ran to where the exit door was.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Poppy ran to the door and tried to open it, but was unsuccessful as Gigi had blocked the door with his own tang.
"Bye, Priestley, thanks for saving my life." Gigi said through the door window before running away.
"No, Giocare! Don't do this!" Poppy yelled out as she tried to push the door but again, unsuccessfully.
"No, not again! Gigi! GGGGIIIIGGGIII!" Poppy screamed as she threw her tennis hat on the ground.
Some time later, Poppy has descended some stairs to meet up with Brightney.
"Where is Gigi? I've looked everywhere, she has to be somewhere on this boat." Poppy said.
"Priestley!" A familiar voice can be heard through a megaphone.
"No, she doesn't." Brightney said before she and Poppy went to the railing of the boat, where Gigi was on an emergency boat.
"Sorry to do this to you, amica, I saw an opening and I had to take it," Gigi apologised through the megaphone, "I can't go to jail, I'm too pretty for that."
"You'll never get away from me, Giocare!" Poppy angrily yelled out.
"I can't hear what you're saying, you're really far away." As Gigi said, she can't quite hear Poppy due to the distance, "I'll just assume you're finally admitting we're besties."
"No! That is not what I'm saying!" Poppy yelled, but Gigi still can't hear her.
"Thank you, it means a lot to me, enjoy the rest of your cruise," Gigi thanked Poppy for being her friend, "just remember; you got a fine lady, don't be a tang in the mud, check your pocket!"
Poppy checked and found the key card that belongs to Gigi's room.
"Boom of the Tomb, baby!" Gigi yelled out.
"Awesome." Poppy said quietly before raising her voice, "But this isn't over! I will hunt you to the ends of the earth!"
"I love you too!" Gigi declared proudly, "I'm so proud of us for being able to say it, what are you still standing there for? Go smush!"
Gigi said before she finally went in a separate direction.
"Gigi! Nnooo!" Poppy yelled out as she shook her fist at the gachapon.
After some time, Poppy and Brightney went back into Gigi's former cabin, where they were in comfortable robes.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Poppy asked, Brightney nodding in response, "If the toilet drains into the ocean, does that mean a tiny shark could swim up and bite me in the butt?"
"No, not at all." Brightney said.
"Psh, lame." Poppy said disappointed, but Brightney sees that Poppy is disappointed for a different reason.
"Look, I know you're bummed about not catching the Mustang Bandit, so if it's any consolation, we could spend the rest of the cruise eating shrimp in bed." Brightney offered to try to cheer up her girlfriend.
"That is incredibly sweet, but no way, we have too many activities to do." Poppy said before pulling out her girlfriend's itinerary from behind.
"Eh? You'll never guess what starts in three minutes." Poppy said as Brightney smiled and stood up excitedly.
"Salsa dancing!" Brightney said, bursting with excitement.
"Oh, so you can guess." Poppy said jokingly.
Now in another part of the boat, Poppy and Brightney were dancing together, hand in hand as salsa music plays.
"Thank you for doing this, I love you." Brightney said, lovingly.
"Noice, smort." Poppy said, still being immature which causes Brightney to cringe a little.
"... I love you too." Thankfully, Poppy was able to regain some maturity.
The two love birds lean in for a kiss, before backing off and looking at each other affectionately.
"Also, I think this is definitely a dance class for widows." Poppy points out as she and Brightney looked to see several old toons dancing together.
"No, I don't think so." But Brightney denied it.
As to prove Brightney wrong, the announcer then said over the speaker:
"Now turn to your partner and tell them how your sprouse died."
"Yeah, we should get out of here." Brightney immediately said.
"Are you sure?" Poppy asked.
"Yes." Brightney merely said before taking her girlfriend's hand and leading her out of the room.