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Rain hit the front steps of the dorm building in short bursts. Students dragged boxes through puddles and shouted across the parking lot. Cars lined both sides of the road. Music blasted from an open truck near the entrance.
Atsushi Nakajima stood near the curb with one suitcase in each hand. His shoulders hurt. His stomach hurt more.
He stared up at the tall brick dorm building.
North Hall.
Room 314.
His room.
His first year of college had started ten minutes ago and he already wanted to throw up.
Atsushi pushed his glasses higher on his nose and checked his paper again.
Room 314.
His roommate had already checked in.
R. Akutagawa.
Atsushi knew the name before he even opened the email two weeks earlier.
Everyone knew the name.
Ryunosuke Akutagawa.
Campus legend.
Frat boy.
Party host.
Top student in literature.
Captain of the debate club.
The guy half the campus wanted to date.
Atsushi had spent the last two weeks panicking over one simple fact.
He had a crush on his roommate.
A stupid crush.
A crush built from hearing stories during campus tours and scrolling through student posts online.
He heard Akutagawa once climbed onto the roof of the student center during a midnight party.
He heard Akutagawa beat three upperclassmen in a drinking contest and still made it to an eight a.m. exam.
He heard Akutagawa dated two people during senior year of high school and broke up with both because they bored him.
Atsushi hated how interesting all of those stories sounded.
He hated how nervous he felt.
A car horn blasted nearby.
A blond guy leaned out of a black jeep.
“Move, tiger boy. You’re blocking traffic.”
Atsushi jumped and hurried toward the sidewalk.
The blond guy laughed.
“You look like you’re about to pass out.”
“Sorry,” Atsushi muttered.
“New student?”
“Yeah.”
“Good luck surviving North Hall.”
The jeep drove off before Atsushi answered.
Atsushi dragged his bags inside.
The lobby smelled like pizza and cleaning spray.
Students crowded the elevators.
Someone shouted from upstairs.
Someone else dropped a box.
Atsushi squeezed into the elevator and stared at the floor during the ride.
Third floor.
He stepped out.
Music shook the hallway.
A group of boys tossed a football between doors.
One missed the catch and the ball smacked into Atsushi’s chest.
“Sorry,” a voice called.
A tall guy with dark hair walked toward him.
Black shirt. Black jeans. Sharp eyes.
Akutagawa.
Atsushi forgot how breathing worked.
Akutagawa took the football from his hands.
“You live here?”
Atsushi nodded.
“Room 314,” he said.
Akutagawa stared at him for one second.
“You’re Nakajima.”
Atsushi nearly dropped his suitcase.
“Y… yeah.”
“You’re late.”
Akutagawa turned and walked toward the room.
Atsushi followed like a lost dog.
Room 314 stood near the end of the hall.
The door already sat open.
One side looked neat. Black blankets. Books stacked beside the desk. Expensive headphones.
The other side remained empty.
Akutagawa tossed the football onto his bed.
“Take whichever drawers you want,” he said.
Atsushi stood frozen near the doorway.
“You plan on staying there all day?”
“Sorry.”
Akutagawa sighed.
“You apologize too much.”
Atsushi hurried inside.
He started unpacking fast. Too fast.
One of his books slipped from his hands and hit the floor.
Akutagawa glanced over.
“Psychology?”
“I like reading about people,” Atsushi said.
“Sounds exhausting.”
Atsushi laughed weakly.
Akutagawa looked back at his laptop.
Silence filled the room for several minutes.
Atsushi tried not to stare.
Akutagawa looked different up close.
Sharper.
Tired.
Not as untouchable as campus stories made him sound.
A phone buzzed.
Akutagawa picked it up.
“Yeah,” he said.
A loud voice shouted through the speaker.
“Party tonight,” Akutagawa answered.
Another shout.
Akutagawa rolled his eyes.
“Fine. I’ll bring the freshman.”
Atsushi looked up.
Akutagawa hung up.
“You drink?”
Atsushi blinked.
“What?”
“Do you drink?”
“Not much.”
“You do now.”
Atsushi stared at him.
“You’re taking me to a party?”
“You’re my roommate. Chuuya won’t stop complaining if I leave you here alone.”
“Chuuya?”
“Short blond guy. Loud. Drives like a maniac. You’ll meet him tonight.”
Atsushi’s heart pounded.
His first day at college and the most popular student on campus had invited him to a frat party.
This felt fake.
Akutagawa stood.
“Wear something decent.”
“I don’t own decent clothes.”
Akutagawa looked him up and down.
“I noticed.”
Three hours later Atsushi stood in front of the mirror while Akutagawa searched through his closet.
“This one,” Akutagawa said.
He tossed a black jacket toward Atsushi.
Atsushi caught it awkwardly.
“I can’t wear your clothes.”
“You want people thinking I dragged a librarian into a frat house?”
Atsushi frowned.
“Librarians dress fine.”
Akutagawa ignored him.
Atsushi changed in the bathroom.
The jacket fit better than expected.
When he stepped out, Akutagawa glanced over once.
“Better,” he said.
Atsushi tried not to smile.
They walked across campus after sunset.
Music echoed from several houses near fraternity row.
Students crowded lawns.
Lights flashed through windows.
Atsushi felt underdressed even in borrowed clothes.
Akutagawa walked beside him with both hands in his pockets.
People greeted him every few steps.
“Akutagawa!”
“Good to see you, man.”
“Party starts in ten.”
Atsushi felt invisible beside him.
Then Akutagawa opened the frat house door and stepped aside.
“After you,” he said.
The inside exploded with noise.
Music pounded through the walls.
Students danced in the living room.
Someone stood on the kitchen counter holding two drinks.
A short redhead spotted Akutagawa immediately.
“Finally,” he snapped. “You took forever.”
“Traffic,” Akutagawa replied.
The redhead looked at Atsushi.
“Freshman?”
“Atsushi Nakajima,” Atsushi said.
“Chuuya Nakahara.”
Chuuya pointed a finger at Akutagawa.
“If this guy throws up in my car later, you clean it.”
“I won’t throw up,” Atsushi said quickly.
Chuuya smirked.
“We’ll see.”
Another student walked into the room carrying snacks.
Tall. Brown hair. Glasses.
“Oh,” the student said. “You brought the roommate.”
“Dazai,” Akutagawa said flatly.
“Osamu Dazai,” the man corrected. “Future genius. Current economics major.”
“Current problem,” Chuuya muttered.
Dazai grinned at Atsushi.
“You look terrified.”
“I am terrified.”
“Good. Means your survival instincts work.”
A girl with orange hair shoved Dazai aside.
“Leave him alone,” she said.
She smiled at Atsushi.
“I’m Yosano.”
“Atsushi.”
“Cute.”
Atsushi nearly choked.
Akutagawa stepped between them.
“Stop flirting with the freshman.”
Yosano raised an eyebrow.
“Possessive already?”
Akutagawa ignored her.
Atsushi stared at the floor to hide his red face.
The night moved fast after that.
Atsushi met more students than he remembered.
Kenji dragged him into a card game.
Kunikida lectured him about class schedules.
Ranpo stole fries from his plate while solving a trivia game in under thirty seconds.
For the first time in years, Atsushi stopped feeling invisible.
People listened when he spoke.
People laughed at his jokes.
At one point he found himself sitting beside Akutagawa on the back porch while music shook the house behind them.
Atsushi held a soda instead of alcohol after Chuuya caught him coughing through his second drink.
“You suck at drinking,” Chuuya said.
“I noticed,” Atsushi answered.
Akutagawa looked at him.
“You still having fun?”
Atsushi nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
Simple answer.
Still, Atsushi felt warm afterward.
Near midnight, someone shoved through the back door.
“Akutagawa,” the guy slurred. “Beer pong. Right now.”
Akutagawa stood.
“Come watch,” he told Atsushi.
The crowd formed fast around the table.
Students cheered as Akutagawa picked up a cup.
His opponent missed twice.
Akutagawa sank three shots in a row.
The room exploded.
Atsushi laughed harder than expected.
Akutagawa looked toward him after the final shot.
For one second the noise faded.
Atsushi forgot where he stood.
Then Dazai jumped onto the table and ruined the moment.
“Victory speech!” Dazai shouted.
Chuuya shoved him off.
The night ended around two in the morning.
Atsushi stumbled beside Akutagawa across campus.
His cheeks hurt from smiling.
“You survived,” Akutagawa said.
“Barely.”
“You’ll improve.”
Atsushi looked at him.
“Why’d you invite me?”
Akutagawa stayed quiet for a moment.
“You looked miserable earlier.”
“I always look miserable.”
“Then I got tired of seeing it.”
Atsushi looked away before Akutagawa noticed how hard his heart pounded.
College changed after that night.
Fast.
Atsushi stopped eating lunch alone.
People waved at him across campus.
He started attending parties every weekend.
Sometimes he hated how much he enjoyed them.
He liked crowded rooms.
He liked loud music.
He liked feeling wanted.
Most of all, he liked staying near Akutagawa.
The dorm room changed too.
They studied together at night.
Akutagawa mocked Atsushi’s handwriting.
Atsushi mocked Akutagawa’s sleep schedule.
They argued over music.
They stole food from each other.
One night Atsushi woke at three a.m. and found Akutagawa sitting near the window with a cigarette between his fingers.
“I thought smoking got banned in dorms,” Atsushi mumbled.
“Open window,” Akutagawa answered.
“Still counts.”
Akutagawa exhaled smoke toward the rain outside.
“Go back to sleep.”
Atsushi sat up instead.
“You okay?”
Akutagawa shrugged.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
Atsushi studied him quietly.
Campus stories painted Akutagawa as untouchable.
None of those stories mentioned the dark circles under his eyes.
None mentioned how silent he became late at night.
“You don’t need to act cool all the time,” Atsushi said softly.
Akutagawa looked over.
“Who said I’m acting?”
Atsushi smiled a little.
“Fair point.”
Akutagawa stared at him for several seconds.
Then he crushed the cigarette into an empty soda can.
“Go back to sleep,” he repeated.
Atsushi did.
Still smiling.
Weeks passed.
Leaves started turning orange around campus.
Midterms arrived.
Everyone suffered.
Even Akutagawa.
Atsushi walked into the dorm one evening and found books scattered across the floor.
Akutagawa sat at the desk glaring at a laptop screen.
“You look violent,” Atsushi said.
“Statistics deserves violence.”
Atsushi laughed.
“Need help?”
“You understand this garbage?”
“A little.”
Akutagawa stared at him.
“You’re useful.”
“Thanks. I think.”
They spent three hours studying together.
At some point their chairs ended up pressed side by side.
Atsushi leaned over Akutagawa’s notebook.
“See? You forgot a step here.”
Akutagawa frowned.
“That’s stupid.”
“Math likes being stupid.”
Akutagawa snorted quietly.
Atsushi nearly lost his train of thought.
He had never heard Akutagawa laugh before.
Not fully.
Not like this.
Their shoulders brushed.
Neither moved away.
Atsushi tried not to think about how close they sat.
Tried and failed.
Friday night arrived.
Another party.
This time Atsushi walked inside without fear.
People greeted him instantly.
“Atsushi!”
“You made it!”
“Come play cards.”
Chuuya tossed him a drink.
“Look at you,” he said. “College fixed you fast.”
“I still panic during presentations,” Atsushi replied.
“Normal human fear. Doesn’t count.”
Yosano linked an arm through Atsushi’s.
“Dance with me.”
Atsushi nearly tripped.
Across the room Akutagawa watched them.
His expression darkened.
Dazai noticed immediately.
“Oh,” he sang. “Someone feels jealous.”
“Shut up,” Akutagawa muttered.
Atsushi missed the exchange.
Hours later he stood in the kitchen pouring soda when a girl approached him.
“You’re Akutagawa’s roommate, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re cute.”
Atsushi froze.
“Oh. Uh. Thanks.”
“You dating anyone?”
Atsushi opened his mouth.
Closed it.
His eyes drifted toward the living room.
Akutagawa sat on the couch talking with Chuuya.
Dark clothes.
Sharp jaw.
Tired eyes.
Beautiful.
“No,” Atsushi answered quietly.
The girl smiled.
“You should give me your number.”
Before Atsushi answered, a hand grabbed his shoulder.
“We’re leaving,” Akutagawa said.
Atsushi blinked.
“What?”
“Now.”
The girl frowned.
“Rude.”
Akutagawa ignored her.
He dragged Atsushi outside.
Cold air hit them.
Atsushi pulled his arm free.
“What was that about?”
“Nothing.”
“You looked angry.”
“I wasn’t.”
“You were glaring hard enough to kill someone.”
Akutagawa lit a cigarette.
Silence stretched.
Atsushi crossed his arms.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Akutagawa exhaled slowly.
“No.”
“Then why’d you drag me out here?”
Another pause.
Then Akutagawa spoke without looking at him.
“I didn’t like watching her flirt with you.”
Atsushi stopped breathing.
The music inside felt distant.
“Oh,” he said.
Akutagawa looked irritated.
“Forget I said anything.”
He started walking away.
Atsushi grabbed his sleeve.
Akutagawa looked back.
Atsushi’s chest felt tight.
“I didn’t like watching Yosano flirt with you either,” he admitted.
Akutagawa stared at him.
No sarcasm.
No teasing.
Pure shock.
Then footsteps interrupted them.
Dazai burst through the door.
“There you are. Chuuya started threatening freshmen again.”
The moment shattered.
Akutagawa pulled his sleeve free.
“We’re coming.”
Atsushi stayed awake half the night afterward.
Neither of them mentioned the conversation.
Still, things changed.
Small things.
Akutagawa sat closer during movie nights.
His hand brushed Atsushi’s more often.
He texted Atsushi during classes.
He started waiting outside Atsushi’s lectures so they could walk home together.
One evening they studied in the library until closing.
Rain poured outside when they left.
Atsushi groaned.
“We forgot umbrellas.”
Akutagawa shrugged.
“Run.”
They sprinted across campus.
By the time they reached the dorm building both looked soaked.
Atsushi burst into laughter near the entrance.
Akutagawa stared at him.
Water dripped from his dark hair.
“What’s funny?”
“You look awful,” Atsushi wheezed.
Akutagawa narrowed his eyes.
“You look worse.”
Atsushi kept laughing.
Then Akutagawa smiled.
Small.
Quick.
Still enough to make Atsushi freeze.
Akutagawa noticed immediately.
The smile faded.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Atsushi said too fast.
Akutagawa stepped closer.
Rain hammered the roof above them.
“You stared.”
Atsushi swallowed.
“Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
Atsushi’s heart pounded.
Akutagawa looked at his mouth for one brief second.
Then the front door slammed open.
“Why are you idiots standing in the rain?” Chuuya snapped.
Atsushi nearly jumped out of his skin.
Akutagawa looked ready to murder someone.
Chuuya blinked between them.
Then he smirked slowly.
“Oh,” he said.
Akutagawa walked inside without another word.
Chuuya laughed the entire elevator ride.
October arrived.
Campus prepared for the fall formal.
A dance hosted near the center of campus.
Students treated the event like a holiday.
Atsushi planned on avoiding the whole thing.
Then Yosano cornered him outside class.
“You’re going,” she announced.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Crowds.”
“You attend frat parties every weekend.”
“Different crowds.”
“Weak excuse.”
Atsushi sighed.
“I don’t even have a date.”
Yosano grinned.
“Neither does Akutagawa.”
Atsushi nearly dropped his books.
“Why are you telling me that?”
“Figure it out yourself.”
She walked away.
Atsushi spent the next two days panicking.
He wanted to ask Akutagawa.
Every time he tried, his courage disappeared.
Then Friday evening arrived.
Akutagawa sat at the desk reading while Atsushi paced the room.
“You’re annoying,” Akutagawa said.
“Sorry.”
“There you go again.”
Atsushi stopped pacing.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Depends.”
Atsushi’s throat felt dry.
“Do you… want to go to the formal with me?”
Silence.
Atsushi prepared for rejection.
Then Akutagawa closed his book.
“Took you long enough.”
Atsushi blinked.
“What?”
“I thought you’d ask sooner.”
Heat rushed into Atsushi’s face.
“So that’s a yes?”
“Obviously.”
Atsushi smiled so hard his cheeks hurt.
The formal took place in the student center.
Lights covered the ceiling.
Music echoed through the hall.
Students crowded the dance floor.
Atsushi adjusted his tie for the tenth time.
“Relax,” Akutagawa said.
Easy for him to say.
Akutagawa looked unfairly good in black.
Several people stared as they walked inside.
Atsushi tried not to feel intimidated.
Chuuya whistled when he spotted them.
“Damn,” he said. “The nerd cleaned up nice.”
“Shut up,” Atsushi muttered.
Dazai leaned across the table.
“You two look like a married couple already.”
Akutagawa kicked his chair.
The night moved smoother than Atsushi expected.
They danced.
Atsushi embarrassed himself twice.
Akutagawa laughed once.
The sound stayed in Atsushi’s head afterward.
Near midnight they slipped outside for air.
The campus lawn looked quiet compared to the loud hall behind them.
Cold wind brushed through the trees.
Atsushi leaned against the railing.
“This year’s gone fast,” he said.
“You sound old.”
“I feel old.”
Akutagawa stood beside him.
Their shoulders touched.
Neither moved.
“You changed a lot,” Akutagawa said.
Atsushi looked over.
“Good change or bad change?”
“Good.”
Atsushi smiled softly.
“Thanks for dragging me into all this.”
Akutagawa looked away.
“You would’ve hated college without me.”
“True.”
Akutagawa snorted.
Atsushi stared at him again.
The lights from the building reflected in his eyes.
Atsushi forgot every plan he made.
He stepped closer.
“Akutagawa,” he said quietly.
“What?”
“I like you.”
Akutagawa stayed still.
No surprise this time.
Almost relief.
“I know,” he answered.
Atsushi blinked.
“You knew?”
“You stare too much.”
Atsushi covered his face.
“Oh my god.”
Akutagawa grabbed his wrist gently.
“I like you too.”
Everything inside Atsushi stopped.
The music faded.
The cold disappeared.
Only Akutagawa remained.
“You do?”
“You’re still asking stupid questions.”
Atsushi laughed softly.
Then Akutagawa kissed him.
Quick.
Careful.
Like he expected Atsushi to pull away.
Atsushi kissed him back immediately.
Akutagawa’s hand tightened around his wrist.
Atsushi felt dizzy afterward.
They stood close for several quiet seconds.
Then the student center door burst open.
“Finally!” Dazai shouted.
Atsushi jumped.
Chuuya groaned.
“I told you they were making out.”
“You owe me twenty bucks,” Yosano said.
Atsushi turned bright red.
Akutagawa looked ready to kill all of them.
Dazai pointed dramatically.
“Young love survives another semester.”
“Get inside before I throw you down the stairs,” Akutagawa replied.
Winter arrived weeks later.
Campus covered itself in lights.
Cold air pushed students indoors.
Atsushi and Akutagawa stayed together.
Officially.
People reacted exactly how Atsushi expected.
Half the campus already suspected.
The other half started gossiping instantly.
Atsushi stopped caring after the second week.
He liked holding Akutagawa’s hand too much.
One snowy evening they sat together on Atsushi’s bed while music played softly from a speaker.
Atsushi studied notes for finals.
Akutagawa rested against the wall reading.
Peaceful.
Comfortable.
Atsushi lowered his notebook.
“Hey.”
“Hm?”
“Thanks.”
Akutagawa glanced over.
“For what?”
“For helping me enjoy college.”
Akutagawa looked at him for a long moment.
Then he closed his book.
“You did most of the work yourself,” he said quietly.
Atsushi smiled.
He leaned forward and kissed him.
Outside the dorm window snow covered the campus.
Inside room 314, Atsushi finally felt like he belonged.
Second semester started with chaos.
Students flooded back into the dorms after winter break.
Suitcases rolled through the halls.
Music blasted from open doors.
Someone set off the fire alarm during the first weekend.
Atsushi returned carrying three bags and one cup of coffee.
He reached room 314 and pushed the door open.
Akutagawa sat at the desk.
Black sweater.
Messy hair.
Half asleep.
Atsushi smiled instantly.
“You look terrible.”
Akutagawa stood and pulled him into a hug before answering.
“Missed you too.”
Atsushi melted against him.
During break they only texted and called.
Akutagawa hated phone calls.
Still, he called Atsushi almost every night.
Atsushi noticed.
He never mentioned it.
Akutagawa pulled back slightly.
“You cut your hair.”
“Too short?”
“No.”
Akutagawa touched the side of his face briefly.
“Looks good.”
Atsushi felt warm immediately.
Chuuya stormed into the room without knocking.
“Party tonight,” he announced.
Then he noticed the hug.
“Gross.”
Atsushi laughed.
Akutagawa looked annoyed.
“Knocking exists for a reason.”
“You’re welcome for not walking in ten minutes later.”
Chuuya tossed a flyer onto Atsushi’s bed.
“Semester kickoff. Everybody’s going.”
“Do we have a choice?” Atsushi asked.
“No.”
Then Chuuya left.
Atsushi picked up the flyer.
“Your friends are insane.”
“True.”
The party filled an off campus house near the arts building.
Music rattled the windows.
Students packed every room.
Atsushi walked beside Akutagawa through the crowd.
Hands brushed.
Then linked together naturally.
Atsushi still felt shocked each time.
He spotted Yosano near the kitchen.
She grinned immediately.
“Look who’s domestic now.”
“Please stop talking,” Akutagawa muttered.
Yosano ignored him.
“Atsushi, come help me save Sigma from Dazai.”
Across the room Dazai balanced on a chair while Sigma looked exhausted.
Atsushi laughed.
“I’ll be back,” he told Akutagawa.
Akutagawa nodded once.
The night blurred into noise and movement.
Atsushi spent half an hour listening to Sigma complain about Dazai.
Then he joined Kenji in a card game.
Then Chuuya forced him into dancing.
At some point Atsushi noticed a pattern.
Every room he entered held someone greeting him.
Someone pulling him into conversation.
Someone smiling.
Months earlier he would’ve hidden near a wall all night.
Now he moved through the crowd easily.
Akutagawa appeared beside him near midnight.
“You’re popular now,” he said.
Atsushi laughed.
“Your fault.”
“Bad influence.”
“Terrible influence.”
Akutagawa’s hand settled against Atsushi’s lower back.
Small touch.
Still enough to make Atsushi lean closer.
“Come outside,” Akutagawa said quietly.
They slipped through the back door.
Cold air hit their faces.
The yard looked empty except for a few students near the fence.
Atsushi leaned against the porch railing.
“I missed this,” he admitted.
“Parties?”
“No. You.”
Akutagawa looked at him.
Soft expression.
Rare expression.
“Good answer,” he said.
Atsushi smiled.
Then Akutagawa kissed him slowly.
No rush.
No audience.
Atsushi’s hands gripped the front of his jacket.
For one quiet moment college stopped feeling overwhelming.
Then the back door slammed open.
“THERE YOU ARE,” Dazai yelled.
Akutagawa groaned against Atsushi’s shoulder.
“I’m killing him someday,” he muttered.
Atsushi laughed too hard to answer.
Spring semester turned busy fast.
Classes grew harder.
Sleep disappeared.
Akutagawa joined a campus writing competition.
Atsushi picked up tutoring work in the library.
Still, they stayed together whenever possible.
Late night study sessions became normal.
So did falling asleep in the same bed.
One evening Atsushi returned from tutoring and found Akutagawa asleep at the desk.
Laptop open.
Pen still in hand.
Atsushi smiled softly.
He walked closer.
Akutagawa looked peaceful while sleeping.
Less guarded.
Less sharp.
Atsushi brushed dark hair away from his face.
Akutagawa stirred.
“What time is it?” he mumbled.
“Late.”
“Damn.”
“Come sleep.”
Akutagawa looked exhausted.
Still, he reached for Atsushi’s hand immediately.
Atsushi helped him toward the bed.
Five minutes later Akutagawa rested against his chest half asleep.
Atsushi stared at the ceiling.
Content.
Safe.
He never expected college to feel like this.
Never expected love to feel simple.
Not easy.
Simple.
Like sharing coffee during all nighters.
Like walking home together after class.
Like hearing Akutagawa say his name from across a crowded room.
Near the end of spring semester the campus hosted a festival.
Food trucks lined the sidewalks.
Music filled the lawn.
Student clubs crowded booths across the quad.
Atsushi walked beside Akutagawa carrying two lemonades.
“Crowded,” Akutagawa muttered.
“You hate crowds until your frat hosts them.”
“Different situation.”
“Hypocrite.”
Akutagawa glanced sideways.
“Rude.”
Atsushi grinned.
They stopped near a booth where Ranpo argued with a student running a guessing game.
“Your math is wrong,” Ranpo said.
“Sir, please stop exposing the game.”
Yosano burst into laughter nearby.
Chuuya carried enough food for four people.
Dazai somehow wore sunglasses indoors.
Atsushi looked around the crowded lawn.
Friends.
Noise.
Warm weather.
Akutagawa beside him.
A year ago none of this existed for him.
Akutagawa nudged his shoulder.
“You’re staring again.”
“Thinking,” Atsushi corrected.
“Dangerous hobby.”
Atsushi smiled.
“I was thinking college turned out better than expected.”
Akutagawa stayed quiet.
Then he reached over and linked their fingers together.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “Mine too.”
Atsushi looked at him.
The same guy who once felt impossible to reach now stood beside him under bright spring sunlight.
Not untouchable.
Not distant.
His.
Dazai spotted them holding hands.
“Disgusting,” he announced loudly.
Chuuya threw a fry at his head.
Yosano laughed.
Akutagawa rolled his eyes.
Atsushi laughed harder than anyone.
The semester ended weeks later.
Students packed dorm rooms.
Hallways filled with moving boxes.
Final exams drained whatever energy remained.
Atsushi sat cross legged on the floor surrounded by books while Akutagawa shoved clothes into a suitcase.
“You pack like a criminal,” Atsushi said.
“Works every year.”
“Your shirts look crushed.”
“Not my problem.”
Atsushi snorted.
Silence settled afterward.
Comfortable silence.
Then Atsushi looked around the room.
The same room where he once stood terrified.
Now photographs covered the wall.
Movie tickets cluttered the desk.
A hoodie of Akutagawa’s hung over Atsushi’s chair.
The place looked shared.
Lived in.
Atsushi smiled faintly.
“What?” Akutagawa asked.
“Nothing.”
“Liar.”
Atsushi leaned back against the bed.
“I thought you’d hate me when we first met.”
Akutagawa zipped the suitcase shut.
“I thought you’d annoy me.”
“Did I?”
“At first.”
Atsushi laughed.
“Honest.”
“Always.”
Akutagawa crossed the room and sat beside him.
Their knees touched.
“You stopped looking scared after a while,” Akutagawa said quietly.
Atsushi looked down.
“Because of you.”
Akutagawa reached over and squeezed his hand once.
Simple touch.
Still enough.
Outside the dorm window students shouted across the parking lot.
Summer waited ahead.
Another year waited after that.
More parties.
More classes.
More late nights together.
Atsushi looked toward Akutagawa and smiled.
College no longer felt frightening.
Home sat beside him on the dorm floor.
The summer apart felt longer than expected.
Atsushi worked at a small bookstore near campus.
Akutagawa stayed in the city for an internship with the student newspaper.
They texted constantly.
Pictures of meals.
Complaints about work.
Late night messages when neither wanted to sleep.
Atsushi learned Akutagawa hated waking up before seven.
Akutagawa learned Atsushi cried during sad animal videos.
Neither planned on admitting those facts out loud.
One humid night in July, Atsushi sat cross legged on his bed at home while holding his phone against his ear.
“You’re quiet,” Akutagawa said.
“Tired.”
“Long shift?”
“Some kid knocked over an entire manga display.”
Akutagawa snorted softly.
Atsushi smiled at the sound.
He missed hearing small reactions like that in person.
“I miss you,” Atsushi admitted before fear stopped him.
Silence followed.
Then Akutagawa answered.
“Good.”
Atsushi blinked.
“Good?”
“Means you won’t forget me during break.”
Atsushi laughed quietly.
“Impossible.”
The line stayed silent again.
Comfortable silence.
Atsushi rested against the wall.
“You know,” he said slowly, “you’ve gotten softer.”
“Wrong.”
“You call me every night.”
“Bad habit.”
“You mailed me snacks last week.”
“You complained about your vending machines.”
“You drew a cat on the package.”
Another pause.
“Forget I did that,” Akutagawa muttered.
Atsushi laughed hard enough for his stomach to hurt.
Second year started in late August.
The campus looked louder than before.
More crowded.
More familiar.
Atsushi walked through the front gates carrying one duffel bag and feeling far less terrified than the year before.
Students greeted him while he crossed the quad.
He still found that strange.
Sigma waved from outside the library.
Kenji shouted his name from across the lawn.
A group from the literature department invited him to a welcome event before classes even started.
Atsushi reached North Hall and climbed the stairs toward room 314.
The door sat half open.
Music played quietly inside.
Akutagawa stood near the closet unpacking clothes.
Atsushi stopped in the doorway.
The sight felt familiar enough to hurt.
Akutagawa looked over.
His expression softened immediately.
“You’re late,” he said.
Same words as last year.
Atsushi grinned.
“Missed you too.”
Akutagawa crossed the room before Atsushi finished setting down his bag.
Then he kissed him.
No hesitation.
No warning.
Atsushi stumbled backward into the doorframe.
Akutagawa grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him harder.
Atsushi melted instantly.
Months apart disappeared in seconds.
His hands slid into Akutagawa’s hair.
Akutagawa breathed sharply against his mouth.
The kiss turned messy fast.
Hungry.
Desperate.
Atsushi barely noticed the suitcase falling over beside them.
Akutagawa pushed him fully into the room and kicked the door shut.
Atsushi laughed breathlessly between kisses.
“Hi to you too,” he mumbled.
Akutagawa kissed him again before answering.
“Missed this.”
Atsushi’s face burned.
Still, he pulled Akutagawa closer.
They ended up sitting on Atsushi’s bed ten minutes later trying to breathe normally.
Akutagawa rested against the wall beside him.
Atsushi’s hair looked destroyed.
Neither cared.
“You bite,” Atsushi complained softly.
“You kissed back.”
“True.”
Akutagawa glanced sideways.
“Still soft.”
Atsushi shoved his shoulder.
The second year felt different from the first.
Less awkward.
Less uncertain.
Atsushi no longer felt like an outsider staring through a window.
He belonged on campus now.
He belonged beside Akutagawa.
Their relationship spread through school gossip during the first week.
Atsushi expected whispers.
Instead most students reacted with amusement.
“Finally,” Yosano said during lunch.
“You two flirted for months.”
“Painful months,” Dazai added.
Chuuya pointed at Akutagawa.
“You glared at every person who looked at Atsushi.”
“False.”
“You threatened a business major for offering him coffee.”
“He looked annoying.”
Atsushi laughed into his drink.
Akutagawa looked mildly offended.
Classes resumed.
Schedules filled quickly.
Still, Akutagawa found reasons to stay close.
He waited outside Atsushi’s lectures.
He stole half of Atsushi’s fries during dinner.
He fell asleep beside Atsushi during movie nights and denied doing so afterward.
One evening Atsushi sat in the library tutoring first year students while Akutagawa worked nearby on an article draft.
A nervous freshman approached the table.
“Excuse me,” she said quietly.
Atsushi smiled.
“Need help?”
“Yeah. Statistics.”
Akutagawa looked up immediately.
“Leave while you still can,” he muttered.
The freshman blinked.
Atsushi kicked Akutagawa lightly under the table.
“Ignore him.”
The girl laughed nervously.
Two hours later the library closed.
Atsushi stretched and groaned.
“I hate numbers.”
Akutagawa packed his laptop away.
“You love numbers. You volunteered for tutoring.”
“Past Atsushi made bad choices.”
Akutagawa stood beside him.
“Come on.”
Outside, cold autumn air brushed across campus.
Students crossed the quad in groups while leaves blew along the sidewalks.
Atsushi shoved his hands into his pockets.
Akutagawa noticed immediately.
Without a word, he grabbed Atsushi’s hand and tucked both of them into his coat pocket.
Warm.
Simple.
Atsushi felt his chest tighten.
“You’re acting romantic,” he said softly.
“Disgusting accusation.”
“You hold my hand now.”
“You complain when I don’t.”
“Good point.”
Akutagawa looked ahead while walking.
Still, Atsushi caught the faint red tint near his ears.
The semester rolled forward.
More parties arrived.
More late nights.
One Friday the frat house hosted a costume party before Halloween.
Atsushi regretted attending the second he stepped inside.
Dazai wore a fake detective coat and refused to answer anyone without speaking in riddles.
Chuuya dressed as a vampire and took the role too seriously.
Yosano carried fake medical tools and threatened freshmen for fun.
Akutagawa wore black from head to toe.
“What are you supposed to be?” Atsushi asked.
“Tired.”
“That’s your normal outfit.”
“Exactly.”
Atsushi laughed.
He wore cat ears because Yosano forced him.
Akutagawa stared at them for a long moment after they arrived.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Atsushi said.
“Like what?”
“Weirdly.”
“The ears suit you.”
Atsushi nearly walked into a wall.
Three drinks later he sat beside Chuuya on the kitchen counter while music shook the floor.
“You’re happier now,” Chuuya said suddenly.
Atsushi looked over.
“What?”
“Last year you looked scared every five seconds.”
Atsushi smiled faintly.
“I was scared.”
“Not anymore.”
Atsushi glanced across the room.
Akutagawa stood arguing with Dazai near the living room.
His sharp voice cut through the music.
Still, he looked over toward Atsushi every few seconds.
Checking.
Always checking.
“No,” Atsushi admitted quietly. “Not anymore.”
Chuuya followed his gaze.
Then he snorted.
“You two make me sick.”
A slow song started unexpectedly around midnight.
Several students groaned.
Others cheered.
Atsushi reached for another drink before Akutagawa appeared beside him.
“Dance with me,” Akutagawa said.
Atsushi stared.
“You dance?”
“Poorly.”
“This I need to see.”
Akutagawa grabbed his wrist before Atsushi escaped.
The dance floor looked crowded and warm.
Lights flashed softly above them.
Atsushi rested his hands against Akutagawa’s shoulders while they moved slowly with the music.
“You’re right,” Atsushi said after a minute.
“You dance badly.”
Akutagawa narrowed his eyes.
“Leave then.”
“No.”
Atsushi smiled.
“This is nice.”
Akutagawa relaxed slightly afterward.
The song continued.
Students laughed around them.
Someone shattered a cup in the kitchen.
None of that mattered.
Atsushi rested his forehead briefly against Akutagawa’s shoulder.
Akutagawa’s arms tightened around his waist.
The moment stayed small.
Quiet.
Perfect.
Midterms hit hard in November.
Atsushi lost sleep.
Akutagawa lost patience.
The dorm room filled with textbooks and empty coffee cups.
One night Atsushi found Akutagawa awake at four a.m. editing an article.
“Go to bed,” Atsushi mumbled.
“Deadline tomorrow.”
“You look dead.”
“Still typing.”
Atsushi walked over and stood behind him.
Words filled the laptop screen.
Campus politics.
Budget cuts.
Interviews.
Akutagawa rubbed tiredly at his eyes.
Atsushi hesitated.
Then he rested both hands on Akutagawa’s shoulders.
“Relax for one minute,” he said softly.
Akutagawa stayed still.
Atsushi kneaded the tense muscles carefully.
Akutagawa exhaled slowly.
“You spoil me,” he muttered.
Atsushi smiled.
“You deserve it sometimes.”
Akutagawa tilted his head back slightly to look at him.
“Dangerous thing to say.”
Atsushi leaned down and kissed him gently.
Tired kiss.
Soft kiss.
Akutagawa reached up and pulled him closer.
The laptop screen dimmed beside them.
Neither cared.
Winter break arrived faster during second year.
This time saying goodbye felt harder.
Atsushi stood outside the train station holding his bag while snow drifted around them.
Akutagawa looked annoyed.
“Stop staring like I’m dying,” he said.
“Two weeks is long.”
“You’ll survive.”
Atsushi stepped closer.
“You sure?”
Akutagawa rolled his eyes.
Then he kissed Atsushi quickly before anyone nearby reacted.
Atsushi blinked afterward.
Akutagawa smirked faintly.
“See you after break.”
Third semester started colder than before.
Snow covered half the campus during January.
Students slipped on icy sidewalks daily.
Dazai somehow fell into a fountain.
Nobody knew how.
Atsushi and Akutagawa stayed buried under blankets whenever possible.
Movie nights turned common.
So did sleeping late on weekends.
One Saturday morning Atsushi woke slowly beneath warm blankets.
Gray sunlight filtered through the dorm window.
Akutagawa slept beside him.
One arm rested around Atsushi’s waist.
His face looked relaxed.
Younger.
Atsushi stared quietly.
Months earlier he thought sharing a dorm with Akutagawa would destroy him.
Now waking beside him felt normal.
Comfortable.
Akutagawa stirred.
“You’re staring again,” he mumbled.
Atsushi laughed softly.
“You caught me.”
Akutagawa opened one eye.
“What time is it?”
“Too early.”
“Then sleep.”
Atsushi settled back against the pillow.
Akutagawa pulled him closer without opening his eyes fully.
Warmth spread through Atsushi’s chest.
He never grew tired of moments like this.
Spring returned.
Trees around campus bloomed again.
Students studied outside on the grass.
The yearly formal arrived once more.
This time Atsushi felt less nervous while getting ready.
Still excited.
Still careful.
Akutagawa adjusted his tie near the mirror.
Atsushi stared from the bed.
“You’re staring again,” Akutagawa said.
“You look good.”
“You look distracted.”
“Same thing.”
Akutagawa walked over slowly.
Then he leaned down and kissed Atsushi until both of them forgot about the formal for several minutes.
A knock interrupted them.
“If you idiots miss dinner reservations, I leave without you,” Chuuya shouted through the door.
Atsushi burst into laughter.
Akutagawa looked murderous.
The formal looked brighter than last year.
More elegant.
String lights covered the ceiling.
Students filled the hall wearing dark suits and glittering dresses.
Atsushi stood beside Akutagawa near the entrance.
“Last year I thought you hated me,” Atsushi admitted.
“Wrong again.”
“You looked annoyed all the time.”
“I am annoyed all the time.”
Atsushi grinned.
Dazai appeared carrying three drinks.
“Photo time,” he announced.
Groans followed instantly.
Still, everyone gathered together.
Yosano fixed Atsushi’s tie.
Chuuya complained about camera angles.
Kenji smiled brightly.
Ranpo stole snacks from the dessert table before photos even started.
Atsushi looked around while laughter filled the room.
Friends.
Chosen family.
He never expected this during freshman year.
The photographer counted down.
Akutagawa slipped a hand around Atsushi’s waist.
Atsushi leaned closer naturally.
Flash.
The moment froze forever.
Later that night they escaped outside again.
Same railing.
Same cold air.
Different year.
Atsushi rested beside Akutagawa while music echoed faintly behind them.
“We’re halfway through college,” Atsushi said.
“Terrifying thought.”
“You scared of adulthood?”
“I’m scared of group projects.”
Atsushi laughed.
Then he looked toward the campus lawn.
Students crossed between buildings under soft lights.
Everything felt calm.
“I’m glad you were my roommate,” Atsushi admitted quietly.
Akutagawa stayed silent for a second.
Then he answered.
“Best thing college gave me.”
Atsushi’s heart stumbled.
“That was smooth.”
“Shut up.”
Atsushi kissed him before he hid his embarrassment.
Summer after second year brought road trips.
Beach weekends.
Late night diners.
Their friend group spent more time together outside campus.
Chuuya drove too fast.
Dazai nearly got banned from two restaurants.
Yosano threatened all of them repeatedly.
Atsushi loved every second.
One night during a beach trip, Atsushi sat beside Akutagawa near the water after everyone else returned to the hotel.
Waves crashed quietly nearby.
Moonlight reflected across the ocean.
Akutagawa rested back on his hands.
“You got quieter,” he observed.
“Thinking again.”
“Dangerous hobby.”
Atsushi smiled.
“I keep remembering freshman year.”
“Worst year of your life?”
“Best.”
Akutagawa looked over.
Atsushi leaned against his shoulder.
“You changed everything,” he said softly.
Akutagawa stayed silent.
Then he pressed a kiss against Atsushi’s hair.
Small gesture.
Still enough to make Atsushi feel dizzy.
Third year arrived before either felt ready.
The campus looked familiar enough to feel like home now.
Atsushi moved into a small apartment near campus with Akutagawa instead of returning to dorms.
The first week felt chaotic.
Boxes everywhere.
Dishes stacked in random cabinets.
Arguments about laundry.
Akutagawa drank milk straight from the carton once.
Atsushi nearly filed for emotional damages.
Still, living together felt easy.
Natural.
They studied at the kitchen table.
Cooked terrible meals together.
Fell asleep on the couch during movies.
One rainy evening Atsushi returned from class soaked after forgetting an umbrella.
Akutagawa looked up from the couch.
“Idiot,” he said immediately.
“Nice to see you too.”
Akutagawa tossed him a towel.
Atsushi rubbed water from his hair while walking toward the couch.
Then Akutagawa grabbed his wrist suddenly.
Atsushi blinked.
“What?”
“Come here.”
Atsushi stepped closer.
Akutagawa pulled him down onto the couch and wrapped a blanket around both of them.
Warmth surrounded them instantly.
Rain tapped against the apartment windows.
Atsushi relaxed against Akutagawa’s chest.
“Domestic,” he teased.
“Shut up.”
“You like cuddling now.”
“Nobody else hears you saying this.”
Atsushi laughed quietly.
Akutagawa kissed the side of his head.
The semester stayed busy.
Still, they made time for each other.
Coffee dates between classes.
Late night grocery runs.
Walks across campus when stress grew too heavy.
One evening Atsushi found Akutagawa sitting alone outside the journalism building after sunset.
His shoulders looked tense.
Atsushi sat beside him.
“Bad day?”
Akutagawa exhaled sharply.
“Editor rejected my article.”
“Why?”
“Said I write like I hate humanity.”
Atsushi snorted.
“Do you?”
“Sometimes.”
Atsushi nudged his shoulder.
“I like your writing.”
Akutagawa looked sideways.
“Bias opinion.”
“Still counts.”
Silence settled.
Then Akutagawa spoke quietly.
“You make failure easier to handle.”
Atsushi’s chest tightened.
“You make everything easier for me too.”
Akutagawa leaned forward and kissed him slowly beneath the campus lights.
Students passed nearby.
Neither cared anymore.
Senior year arrived too fast.
Applications.
Internships.
Future plans.
Everyone looked stressed constantly.
Atsushi worried about life after graduation.
He worried about jobs.
Money.
Change.
One late night he sat alone at the apartment table staring at graduate program forms.
Akutagawa walked in carrying takeout bags.
“You look miserable,” he said.
“Future stuff.”
Akutagawa set the food down.
“Talk.”
Atsushi rubbed his face tiredly.
“What if we graduate and everything changes?”
Akutagawa sat beside him.
“Everything changes anyway.”
“That’s not comforting.”
“You survived every change before now.”
Atsushi looked down.
“Still scared.”
Akutagawa reached over and took his hand.
“Then stay scared beside me.”
Simple words.
Still enough to calm him.
Graduation arrived beneath bright spring sunlight.
Families crowded the campus lawn.
Students adjusted caps and gowns nervously.
Atsushi stood near the ceremony entrance beside Akutagawa.
“You ready?” Atsushi asked.
“No.”
“Same.”
Chuuya appeared carrying coffee.
“Four years and none of you got smarter,” he said.
Dazai grinned.
“False. I grew wiser and more handsome.”
“You nearly failed economics,” Yosano replied.
Atsushi laughed.
The ceremony blurred afterward.
Speeches.
Applause.
Names called one after another.
Then suddenly college ended.
Students flooded the lawn afterward taking pictures and hugging friends.
Atsushi stood beneath the warm afternoon sun feeling overwhelmed.
Akutagawa approached holding two diplomas.
“You crying?”
“No.”
“Liar.”
Atsushi wiped quickly at his eyes.
“Shut up.”
Akutagawa smiled faintly.
Then he stepped closer and kissed him right there in front of everyone.
Cameras flashed nearby.
Friends shouted loudly.
Atsushi kissed him back without hesitation.
Four years earlier he walked into North Hall terrified and lonely.
Now he stood surrounded by people he loved.
By the boy who changed his life.
Their friends crowded around them seconds later.
Chuuya complained about public affection.
Dazai demanded photos.
Yosano hugged Atsushi hard enough to hurt.
Kenji cried openly.
Ranpo stole snacks from somebody’s graduation basket.
Atsushi looked around the crowded lawn and laughed softly.
College gave him more than parties.
More than popularity.
More than stories.
College gave him a place to belong.
College gave him love.
Akutagawa slipped his hand into Atsushi’s while the crowd moved around them.
“Ready to leave campus?” he asked.
Atsushi looked toward the buildings one last time.
The dorms.
The library.
The quad.
Every place where their story started.
Then he looked back at Akutagawa.
“Yeah,” Atsushi answered.
“As long as you’re coming with me.”